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Spotlight Publications

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The Pied Piper By Susan Mosley

CAST

The Pied Piper

Mayor Vogel, the Baddy

Fraulein Helga, the Dame

Jenell, Principal Girl

Anton, Principal Boy

Frank) comedy duo

Furter)

Gunter, the Mayor’s assistant

Magda the Cat

Mallory Deakins, news reporter

Reiner, Mallory’s assistant

Matilda, Jenell’s best friend

Oskar, Helga’s son

Henning, Helga’s husband

Major Rat, the chief rat

Scene - town centre, sewer, the mayor’s office, the dame’s kitchen, a cave

Time - whenever

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MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT 1

1: “Road Rats”: (Alice Cooper) (Chorus)

2: “Rat in My Kitchen”: (UB40) (Fraulein Helga)

3. “The Pied Piper”: (Crispian St Peters) (The Pied Piper)

4. “Simply The Best”: (Tina Turner) (Mayor Vogel) (words adapted by Susan Mosley)

5. “Happy”: (Pharrell Williams) (Jenell & Matilda)

ACT 2

6: Audience Participation Song: “If You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands” (Traditional) (Helga,

Jenell, Anton, Henning, Frank & Furter)

7: “Feeling Groovy” (Simon & Garfunkel) (The Pied Piper)

8. “Eye of the Tiger” (Survivor) (Anton)

9. “Love Me Tender” (Elvis Presley) (Gunter)

10. “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” (Lennon & McCartney) (Anton & Jenell)

11: “We Go Together” (Grease) (Company)

12: Reprise, “We Go Together” (Company)

N.B. This list of songs is only the author's recommendation. All songs are at the discretion of the Musical Director.

Spotlight does not hold the copyright for this list. For permission to perform these or any other songs, producers

should apply to:

The Performing Rights Society Ltd.

29-33 Berners Street

London W1P 4AA.

Please also check with them about the use of parody lyrics.

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A NOTE ON THE CHARACTERS

The Pied Piper A mysterious stranger. When he plays his magical pipe he can make any creature do anything he

likes. Helps rid the town of rats but is then tricked into luring the children away. Redeems himself at the end.

Mayor Vogel The villainous mayor of Hamelin. A conceited, egotistical man, he refuses to pay the Pied Piper

after he rids the town of rats and tries to get rid of the children too.

Fraulein Helga A traditional pantomime dame. Frustrated with the incompetence of her husband and son.

Jenell Principal girl. Sweet and innocent, she wears colourful clothes, loves life and is secretly in love with Anton.

Anton Principal boy. A fearless local boy who helps finds the children after they have been lured away.

Frank & Furter Comedy double act who fail to understand why so many sausages jokes are made. They take

great delight in insulting Helga.

Gunter Mayor Vogel’s put-upon assistant.

Magda Henning’s lazy and overweight cat who refuses to catch rats. Likes to dance when there’s no one else

around. A small, non-speaking part.

Mallory Deakins An enthusiastic roving reporter who keeps popping up with her cameraman to record live news

bulletins.

Reiner Mallory’s cameraman. Frustrated at having only a few lines to speak.

Matilda Jenell’s loyal best friend.

Oskar Son of the Dame and the only child left after the Pied Piper lures the children away.

Henning The town’s inept pest controller and husband of the Dame. Henpecked. Likes to quote famous

sayings/proverbs but never gets them quite right.

Major Rat Sergeant major-type leader of the rats. Small part.

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ACT 1

Scene 1

Effect 1

As the lights goes down, junior Chorus dressed as rats enter the auditorium. They scurry and dash around the

audience before going onto the stage. Curtain opens to reveal a dark, gloomy sewer

Effect 2

Major Rat marches onstage, carrying a baton and stands to attention

Major Rat (to Chorus, shouts orders) Squad, attenshun!

They rush haphazardly around then line up for inspection. Major Rat inspects his troop

(To individual Rats) Stand up straight, soldier! Not good enough! Have some pride; this is not a school

playground!

He removes a speck from one rat’s uniform and straightens another’s outfit. Inspection over, Major Rat stands

aside

Stand at ease!

The Rat Chorus stand easy. Unseen by Major Rat one Chorus member holds up a sign up to audience which reads

‘Hello Mum’

It has come to my attention that the mayor of this town believes he is a cut above everybody and every living

thing that resides here. Now, men … (A female member of the Chorus coughs). … and ladies, this will not do.

This will not do at all. Only this morning I heard with my very own ears how he and he alone has cleaned this

town up to the point where no …. (he hesitates) … and this will be hard to hear but I am quoting his very words.

That no vermin!... (The Rats gasp) I know, I can’t believe it either, in this day and age that a man would use

such an offensive word but that is the exact word he spoke to describe us. That no vermin dare show their face

in this town ever again.

The Rats mutter angrily to each other

Quieten down, quieten down. Needless to say, I was livid when I heard him, it makes my whiskers

curl! We are all agreed he cannot get away with this. (Chorus agree) Mayor Vogel needs to be taught

a lesson. He has been allowed to get away with things for far too long and it must stop now! He

believes he is superior to all living creatures but he most certainly is not. I think it’s time to show him

what we can really do. He’s as cunning as a hamster.

Rat 1 You mean fox.

Major Rat You haven’t met him! And you know the great rat saying, never ever trust a hamster!

Rat 2 What are we going to do?

Major Rat We are going to invade the town. We will overrun and infest every house, every nook and

cranny. Every business, every building, every cupboard, sink, toilet, portmanteau and bidet. Wherever

the residents look I want them to find a rat staring right back at them.

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Rat 3 What about cats?

Major Rat There’s only one in the town and it’s far too lazy to trouble us. Henning the pest controller

is just as useless, but I am not going to lie; this will be a dangerous mission. Are you with me?

Rats Yes, Sir!

Major Rat Then let Operation Rat Attack begin! Squad, atten-shun! (Rats stand to attention). By the

right, quick march. Left, right, left right!

All march offstage

Curtain

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Scene 2

The Town Centre of Hamelin. Rats of all shapes and sizes are on display. Chorus and cast members

run around the stage chased by the junior Rat Chorus which leads to a lively dance number

Song 1

Cast exit. Mallory Deakins and cameraman Reiner enter. They stand aside and record a live news

report

Effect 3

Mallory Deakins (into Reiner’s camera, speaking into a microphone) This is Mallory Deakins

reporting for P.O.B News coming live from the town of Hamelin. This usually quiet scenic town has

today been overtaken by the largest infestation of rats ever reported. News reports say that rats have

been discovered in every home and street. No one knows why this has occurred or where the rats have

come from.

A rat runs very close to Mallory. who shrieks but ever the professional she carries on

As you can see no one is safe from the invasion.

Fraulein Helga enters wearing a ‘Heidi’ dairy maid style outfit; she’s chasing a rat Chorus member

with a sweeping brush

Fraulein Helga Go on, off with you! How dare you come into my house uninvited? Shoo! Shoo!

The Rat exits. Mallory continues reporting

Mallory I’m happy to report that the residents of Hamelin are fighting back. Let me see if I can speak

with this brave lady. (To Helga) Excuse me, Fraulein, could I get your views on the horrible event

that has blighted your peaceful neighbourhood?

Helga Oh dear, this is terrible.

Mallory When did you first become aware of the infestation?

Helga This morning, I was getting clean undergarments out of my dresser when I opened the drawer a

rat was staring back at me. It was there, all cosy and snug right in the middle of my corsets and thongs.

Mallory That must have been quite a shock for you.

Helga It was. Not even my husband has been that near to my undergarments for quite some time, I can

tell you. (Suddenly becomes aware she’s on camera) Wait a minute, are you filming me?

Mallory Yes, you are speaking to the nation live on Pantomime Outside Broadcast news.

Helga (straightens her hair and clothes) Oh I’m all of a mess; if I’d have known, I would have put on

my Sunday best.

Mallory I’m sure the nation understands. What can be done about the situation?

Helga I’ve already been to the Town Hall to complain.

Mallory And what happened?

Helga I said this town is in a mess, what are you going to do about the rat problem?

Mallory And what was the response?

Helga There wasn’t one. It was an aerobics class!

Mallory Well thank you for taking the time to speak with us.

Frank & Furter enter

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Mallory (on seeing Frank & Furter) And here are two more frightened residents. Excuse me, would

you be willing to speak on camera about today’s dreadful event?

Furter Of course.

Mallory You live in Hamelin?

Frank Born and bred.

Mallory Can you tell the viewers at home your names.

Furter I’m Furter and this (points to Frank) is Frank.

Mallory Oh like the sausage?

Frank (perplexed) Sausage? No. Is there a furterfrank sausage?

Mallory No the other way round, frankfurt … oh never mind. What are your thoughts on the plague of

rats swarming the town?

Furter (looking round) Rats? There’s a plague of rats?

Frank We didn’t know.

Mallory But they’re everywhere.

Frank Hadn’t noticed.

Helga (to Mallory) You won’t get anywhere with these two. There’s a small piece of brain lodged in

one of their skulls, we still don’t know which one has it.

Mallory (to Frank & Furter) Thank you for your time. (Into camera) I shall keep you updated of events

as they occur and hope to find out exactly what Mayor Vogel intends to do about this terrible situation

as soon as possible. Mallory Deakins, P.O.B News, signing off. (Reiner stops filming). I want to get

to the children’s playground before it’s too late; apparently the rats are taking it in turns to go down

the slide.

They start to leave

Reiner I didn’t have any lines in that scene.

Mallory Didn’t you? Oh well there’s plenty more scenes. Come on.

They exit L

Jenell, Anton and Matilda enter R

Jenell Fraulein Helga, aren’t you petrified?

Matilda All these rats, it’s horrendous!

Helga That’s why I’m armed with my sweeping brush. If any come near me I’ll flatten them!

Furter That’s animal cruelty; I’ll get the RSPCA onto you.

Helga And if I hit you, what would you accuse me of then? Cruelty to an idiot?

Furter Of course. (Pause) No, wait, erm …

Helga That’s fine. Report me to anyone you like, I’ll be happy to take whatever punishment comes my

way.

She holds her sweeping brush towards Furter. Frank pulls him away

Anton If any rats come near, just stand behind me, I’ll protect you.

Frank That’s very kind of you.

Frank & Furter stand behind Anton

Anton I meant the ladies.

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Frank & Furter stand aside

Furter That’s sexism, that is. Anyway I think we need protecting from Fraulein Helga not the rats.

Frank I’d rather take my chances with the rats.

Helga swipes at Frank & Furter with her brush, but they dodge it

Matilda The rats are everywhere. (Shudders) Horrible little things.

Jenell Actually don’t you think they’ve all got really cute little faces?

The cast look at her, confused. Jenell just smiles

Matilda I even found one in my little sister’s cot this morning.

Jenell Was the baby hurt?

Matilda Oh no, the baby wasn’t in the cot, thank goodness but it gave me quite a fright. I could have

sworn it was laughing at me.

Helga This is a pantomime; we have to take the laughs whenever we can. Talking of getting laughs I

haven’t had a look at the audience yet and I haven’t even introduced myself. (To audience) For those

too tight to buy a programme, I’m Fraulein Helga. (She introduces the cast). Oh what a beautiful

looking audience.

The others look at the audience and grimace

Anton (to Helga) Put your glasses on.

Helga Oh am I mistaken? (Puts on glasses, looks at audience) Oh I see what you mean. Well a few of

you are not … too bad. It’s lucky for you I’m here to be gorgeous for all of us. Now you’re all here

for one reason and one reason only, aren’t you?

Frank The interval cuppa?

Helga No. To have fun, (pause) and the interval cuppa. We have a wonderful pantomime lined up for

you, no expense spared. Now I need you to make some noise, will you do that for me?

Expect a poor response from audience

Is this your first time as an audience? If you don’t laugh I’ll stay on! At the very least pretend you’re

enjoying yourself in case someone comes in. Now how’s your day been? Well whether it’s been good

or bad it’s ‘behind you’ now! And it’s about to get a whole lot better.

Jenell Fraulein Helga, is your husband Henning planning on getting rid of the rats, as he’s the town’s

pest controller?

Helga I wouldn’t count on it. He’s useless, him and that cat of his. They’re both lazy and couldn’t catch

a cold never mind a town full of rats. The scenery moves more than they do.

Anton I’ve already caught a few rats, I won’t stop until they’re all gone.

Jenell (looking adoringly at Anton) Oh you’re so brave, Anton.

Furter (aggrieved by how Jenell is swooning over Anton) It’s no big deal, getting rid of rats. Rats are

underrated. I looked it up in the dictionary.

Anton I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

Frank Oh can I have one? (Looking up Anton’s sleeve) Although it’s a funny place to keep your Twixes.

Matilda What I want to know is, where is Mayor Vogel whilst all this is going on? He’s nowhere to be

seen. He’s in charge round here; he should be helping catch the rats or hiring someone to do it.

Anton Leave this to me, I’ll see to it that by tomorrow they’ve all been caught.

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Matilda Anton, there’s just too many.

Jenell If Anton says he can rid the town of the rats, then I for one, believe him.

Matilda Yes, but you believe in unicorns, so that doesn’t fill me with much hope.

Jenell I tell you I did see a unicorn once. (Exasperated) Why won’t anyone believe me?

Matilda Jenell, you’ve been my best friend since kindergarten but sometimes you can be so naïve.

Helga Standing here arguing isn’t helping anyone. It’s time for action.

Several Rat Chorus members enter

(Pointing) Look there’s some over there, let’s get them!

Making lots of noise the cast chase after the Rats, run into the audience and exit through rear doors.

Curtain

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Scene 3

The Mayor’s office. A large picture of Mayor Vogel posing smugly wearing his chain of office is

proudly displayed on the wall. Mayor Vogel and Gunter enter

Mayor Vogel (to Gunter) It is a great honour for you to be working for such an amazing man as myself.

I almost envy you. What a wonderful job I’ve done making this town so great. We live in a crime free

area. Taxes are paid in full and on time. There’s no vagabonds, no unemployed, no beggars. Is there

nothing I can’t do, I wonder? I think this is cause for celebration.

Gunter lets off one party popper

Gunter (unenthusiastically) Yippee.

Vogel gives Gunter a withering look.

Vogel I need a bit more enthusiasm from you, if you want to carry on working for me.

Gunter jumps up and down excitedly

Gunter Hurrah for Mayor Vogel, whoop, whoop whoop!

Vogel Better. Now, Gumtree, could you get my …

Gunter (butting in) It’s Gunter, Sir.

Vogel What is?

Gunter My name. You called me Gumtree and it’s Gunter.

Vogel Whatever. I’m peckish, get me my lunch.

Gunter Of course.

Gunter quickly exits. Vogel sneers at the audience

Vogel Look at the state of you lot. Are you always so ugly or are you making a special effort for today?

(Expect audience to boo) What are you doing? Do not on any account ever participate, do you hear

me? That had better be the last time I hear anything from you. Anyone would think this was a

pantomime!

Gunter re-enters carrying a ceramic bowl on top of a ceramic plate. He walks extremely slowly but the

ceramic dishes rattle very noisily together. Vogel stands and watches, and grows impatient at how long

it is taking Gunter to walk across the stage. Eventually Gunter arrives by Vogel’s side. He presents the

dishes to Vogel

Gunter is irritated but reluctantly turns round and slowly starts walking back, the dishes rattling as before

Can’t you move quicker?

Gunter I’ll try, Sir.

Gunter eventually reaches the edge of the stage. He’s pleased to have not dropped the dishes

Gunter Get in!

Vogel (pointing offstage) GET OUT!

Gunter exits. Vogel admires his portrait

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What a remarkably distinguished individual I am. (To audience) You may think me big-headed but I’m not. As

I’m perfect I’ve no need to be.

Effect 4

(Shouting) Gunnel! Gunnel! What is that racket? (Gunter fails to appear). Gunnel! Gunnel, where are you?

Gunter gingerly sticks his head out from the wings

Vogel Ah there you are, why did it take you so long to answer my call?

Gunter I wasn’t aware you were calling me. You didn’t shout Gunter.

Vogel Why would I shout Gunter?

Gunter That’s my name.

Vogel Is it? Anyway, what was that infernal banging?

Gunter Local residents Sir. Apparently there’s a plague of rats terrorising the town.

Vogel Rats? Don’t be ridiculous. Rats would never dare invade my town.

Gunter They were very insistent. They said the rats are everywhere.

Vogel Well that’s not true. There are no rats in here.

Gunter (aside) I could think of one.

Vogel Get rid of them.

Gunter The rats?

Vogel The people at the door. I do not want to be pestered by local troublemakers.

Gunter What should I say to them?

Vogel Tell them I’ve got important business to attend to.

Gunter exits R. Vogel busies himself looking through papers. Major Rat enters L

(Unaware of Major Rat’s appearance, laughs) Rats indeed. I’ve never heard anything as preposterous in all my

life.

Major Rat Oh I wouldn’t be so sure about that, if I were you.

Vogel (startled) Help! Help! I need help in here! (To Major Rat, backing away) You stay away from me.

He grabs a quill and threatens Major Rat with it

I’m armed and I’m not afraid to use it!

Major Rat What are you going to do? Write a sternly worded letter to me?

Vogel What do you want?

Major Rat To be treated with some respect, for a start.

Vogel You’re a rat!

Major Rat Rats have rights.

Vogel Not here they don’t.

Major Rat And you wonder why we have invaded your town. You have been getting away with doing whatever

you want and treating everyone and everything with utter disregard and it has to stop!

Vogel Oh and you’re the one to stop me, are you?

Major Rat Me and my army, yes.

Vogel Don’t make me laugh. (Dismissively) Get out before I get my assistant to throw you out.

Major Rat I will leave on my own account. But mark my words; your free reign in this town is over.

Major Rat marches offstage L

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Vogel I’ve never heard anything so outlandish in all my life. This town will never denounce me. If I go I will go

of my own volition and I’ve no plans to go anywhere.

Gunter enters R

Where have you been? I’ve just been viciously attacked in my own office by a dirty great rat!

Gunter Have you been harmed?

Vogel No, I dealt with the matter. I pay you to assist me and you’re never here when I need you.

Gunter Regarding my pay, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Is this a good time?

Vogel (dismisses him with a wave of his hand) It’s never a good time.

Gunter Before you decide against it.

Vogel (butting in) Too late!

Gunter remains standing, Vogel notices

Very well, say what you have to say otherwise you’ll be more incompetent than normal, if that’s even possible.

Gunter I have been your assistant for many years now.

I’ve changed my mind, take it away.

Vogel Don’t remind me. And?

Gunter I believe I have earned a pay rise.

Vogel You’re lucky I’m not reducing your wage; I shouldn’t have to deal with intruders in my own office.

Gunter I wouldn’t normally bother you with such trivial matters.

Vogel But you’re going to anyway.

Gunter I just thought you should know that there are three companies after me.

Vogel You want a raise because three companies are after you? Which three?

Gunter The gas company, the electric company and the phone company. And have I ever let you down?

Vogel Constantly. You will not be getting a raise, so do not mention it again. Is that clear?

Gunter Yes Sir, I’m sorry to have mentioned it. (Aside to audience) My boss is one in a million. I’m just hoping

the next lightning strike thinks so too.

Vogel (noticing that Gunter addressed the audience) Did I give you permission to talk to the audience?

Gunter No, Sir.

Vogel Then don’t! You do not converse with the riffraff unless I say you can. Today has become quite stressful.

I do not want to be disturbed.

Gunter But what about the rats?

Vogel I do not want to be disturbed, is that understood?

Gunter Yes.

Vogel I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.

Vogel storms offstage followed by Gunter. Blackout

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The Pied Piper

By Susan Mosley

This new version of the old tale is fun-filled and innovative with colourful characters and plot twists guaranteed

to captivate audiences.

Plot Summary

When the town of Hamelin is overrun with rats, Mayor Vogel enlists the help of a mysterious stranger called the

Pied Piper to get rid of them. With his magic flute the Piper disposes of all the rats and returns for payment. The

evil Mayor sees a chance to rid the town of children as well, whom he detests. The children are lured away, but a

group of local characters resolve to remedy the situation. They include Fraulein Helga the Dame, a comedy duo

called Frank and Furter, and principal boy and girl Anton and Jenell.

Running time: approx. two hours