Coming into OA, I saw the Steps and thought, “I can do this cafeteria style, take what I want and leave the rest. No Step Nine for me.” Luckily, my sponsor taught me that the Steps were in that particular order for a reason. As we went through the Step work I matured, mentally and spiritually. My relationship with my Higher Power deepened. I looked at my resentments and saw my part. Asking God to remove my character defects, I scrutinized the harm I had done to others and was willing to make amends to them all. Now I was ready to tackle Step Nine. My sponsor went through my list of harms and cut out amends to a lot of ex-lovers. (“No reopening wounds.”) For them I do a “living” amends. I prove that I am sorry for my past transgressions by treating all people with respect. I prayed before meeting with people. I remembered to “stick to my side of the street” and not bring up anything I thought they had done to me. Most importantly, I gave up trying to control the results. I made financial amends to employers from whom I had stolen money to buy food; I met with restaurant owners and paid bills I had ditched. I made direct amends to friends and family I had neglected while in the disease. Some folks wouldn’t meet with me. Some yelled, some said they would never speak to me again. That’s okay because I made the attempt to clean up my side of the street. Some people turned the tables and made amends to me. Some didn’t even know I had harmed them. They appreciated what I was doing and were glad that I was doing my best to change my life. Some who had known me when I was 140 pounds heavier were fascinated by my recovery; they were curious about how I had lost the weight and even asked me to share my experience with their friends or relatives. That is the gift of this program. I not only get to be free of the horrible things I did when I was sick, but I get the opportunity to be of service and help others. — P.D.

Step NiNeMade direct amends to such people wherever possible,

except when to do so would injure them or others

EDITORIAL POLICY:Submissions deadline for the next edition is September 19. All submissions when published, will appear with first name and last initial unless otherwise requested. Metro Memo reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. Other OA groups may reprint without permission. We ask that you cite the writer and Metro Memo as your source. The opinions expressed are those of the writer, not those of NY Metro Intergroup or OA as a whole. Please address all submissions and correspondence to Metro Memo via e-mail to: metromemo@OANYC.org

Anniversary GratitudeI will be 63 this month. In OA, I’m celebrating my first year. When I came into the program, my desperation was acute; my cynicism, negativity and hopelessness seemed terminal. But this year has brought with it a lengthening gratitude list: n A wise and compassionate sponsor—with patience, certainty and discernment that can only have come from long suffering, deep recovery and profound faith—has taught me to “wear program like a loose garment,” but always to seek and find the willingness to keep working it. n A living galaxy of fellows has alleviated my isolation and made me a witness to their inner journeys. Through listening, I have rediscovered the capacity to be moved; through sharing, to venture emotional vulnerability. n Through gradual Step work, there is a beginning of reconciliation and reparation, humility and surrender, resolution and peace, and even, at moments, of faith. n A foundation in abstinence (with a weight loss this year of 60 pounds) is slowly being built, and I remind myself to be grateful that this work is incremental—literally teaching me to “be patient longer” and to live “one day at a time.” Remembering the way back, after each slip, has been an essential part of my first year of recovery. Thank you, OA. — M.M.

2 Metro Memo — September 2013

Meetings are MagicalYou sometimes hear the saying in OA that “meeting makers make it.” I have often found that to be true, and I think there are a number of reasons for that. First, going to meeting is both taking an action and showing willingness, and those can be very important moves. Second, you know that for the one-plus hour that you are at a meeting you are not bingeing, not in the food. Since abstinence can start at any time, a meeting can be a springboard to getting clean with the food. Third, going to a meeting is a tangible way to break the isolation that is so often a gripping part of this illness. At meetings we connect with fellow compulsive overeaters and know for a fact that we are not alone. Fourth, when we share, and see people nod their heads in identification, we know that we are not unique. We know that other people feel the way we feel, which can be very healing and affirming. Fifth, we have the opportunity to hear how others work the program and recover. Phone calls and literature are great, but at a meeting we can sometimes hear dozens of people share their experience, strength and hope, and so get a really large dose of “recovery medicine.” Sixth, laughter. Our disease is so serious and can be fatal. Yet there is often a lighthearted quality to meetings, as we share laughter and find a way not to take ourselves so seriously. Meetings are a vital part of my recovery. — Ellen R.

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Service Saves Me—Every TimeLet it be said: my recovery depends on service. If I had no opportunity to do service, I would die—spiritually at least. Service reminds me of the new way of being in life I have been given by working the Twelve Steps. It’s said in the Prayer of St. Francis: “…bring joy where there is sadness…it is in giving that we receive.” Before I came to OA, I lived only for me, myself and I. Maybe I occasionally did good things for other people, and maybe my intentions were good, but doing good certainly wasn’t the most important thing in my life. On the contrary, actually. I lived to get skinny—so that the world could give me the affirmation and love that I was never able to give myself. I lived to get experiences and knowledge that would show the world that I am okay. But imagine that now I feel good about myself because I know that I am loved just the way I am and I know that no matter how few skills I have at something I am right where I am supposed to be. I have a lot more time and energy to give to the world and to people around me—which essentially makes me happier than all those other things. I don’t need to get anything from you before I can give. That is how my life is today. It has to be. Whenever I get stuck in my self and my selfish wants and needs—I feel bad and the food becomes interesting. So I can either be addicted to food or to this program, of which service is such a great part. I have to be very rigorous about doing service. I cannot rest on my laurels—if I do I will die spiritually. I have to sponsor others and to build my entire life around service. So when I am napping or eating or doing my laundry or working or exercising I am doing it so I can be full and rested and feel good about myself—so that I can be present with you. The great part of this is that service is fun. Helping other compulsive eaters or helping friends and family and people on my way is fun and interesting and giving. It is in giving that we receive. — Anonymous

WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

— Howard S.

Metro Memo — September 2013 3

Meeting SpotlightFellowship of the Spirit, Brooklyn Free School, 372 Clinton Avenue in Brooklyn, Thursdays at 7:30 p.m.The Third Tradition says that the only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. Everyone is welcome at any OA meeting without regard to race, class, sexuality, nationality, gender expression, etc. However, many meetings have a similar demographic: white, straight, cisgendered women. (To be cisgendered means that your perception of your gender matches the sex you were assigned at birth.) Someone who does not fall into that demographic can, at times, feel isolated. This is why we are fortunate to be able to have special focus meetings in OA. The Fellowship of the Spirit meeting has a LGBTQI focus. People often assume I’m straight. When talking to a straight person, I have to make the decision whether I will “come out” to them about my sexuality (talking in passing about my girlfriend, etc.). In a room with LGBTQI folk (and allies) I don’t have to make that decision. In this room I don’t have to field questions about what it’s like to be “with a woman.” If I share about my experience of homophobia others can share with me their experience, strength and hope around it. Since this meeting began, many people have come to the room and spoken about discovering their sexuality in their process of recovery from food and weight obsession. People begin to question how they identify, without necessarily drawing any conclusion. It has felt rewarding to be a witness to that process and to help create a space where people feel comfortable exploring it. — Lisa M.H.

Metro intergroup Working For uS

Intergroup Highlights, August 2013

Upcoming Special Events – Sunday September 29, 2013 2:30-5:00 p.m. CARRY THE MESSAGE, LGBT Center 208 West 13th St. Co-sponsored with Twelfth-Step-Within committee.

Intergroup is vigorously working to attain new methods to increase 7th tradition support form our OA body. If you have any ideas please email the board

Please remind your groups that is not permissible to change the wordings in the OA literature

New Preamble – A small edit to the OA Preamble was revised and approved at the 2013 World Service Business Conference. Please replace the old preamble with this one if it is part of the script at your meeting:

OA Preamble Revised and approved by the WSBC 2013Overeaters Anonymous is a Fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience, strength and hope, are recovering from compulsive overeating. We welcome everyone who wants to stop eating compulsively. There are no dues or fees for members; we are self-supporting through our own contributions, neither soliciting nor accepting outside donations. OA is not affiliated with any public or private organization, political movement, ideology or religious doctrine; we take no position on outside issues. Our primary purpose is to abstain from compulsive eating and to carry the message of recovery through the Twelve Steps of OA to those who still suffer.

Metro Memo — September 20134

Hearing it LiveI heard someone say at a meeting today that she has been “auditing” OA meetings. I know what she means.

For the past three months, I’ve been attending this absolutely great meeting. The recovery is deep, the language is authentic, the attendance is rich. I leave there thinking, Maybe. Then my brain takes over.

They’re all way younger than you.

They were all way worse when they first got here.

They’re all smarter or prettier or stupider or more emotional than you.

These are all my old ideas. I understand that from reading the literature. Even though the OA literature takes the top of my head off every day with its insight and honesty, I need to hear about recovery firsthand, personal, present tense. I need to hear these recovering compulsive eaters talk out loud.

The voices at the meeting have been echoing around me all day. Those voices are saying, You can do it; you have a shot.

I’m listening with everything I’ve got right now. Their words are climbing over the juggernaut of self-will that keeps me on the far side of recovery. Each day, I’m getting closer. Each week, this meeting is turning me around.

— Maggie

When I was asked to join the Twelfth-Step-Within Committee, I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to contribute the time required. But after some rethinking about doing service above the group level, I decided it would not only be interesting to serve on the Twelfth-Step-Within Committee, it would help me maintain and strengthen my abstinence as well. Why would anyone say No to that? The day after I said Yes, a call came in to the committee’s outreach line (347-433-5876) and it was my turn to answer. The woman on the other end of the line, who was coming back to OA after a long absence, wanted a temporary food sponsor. I agreed to help her. Today this fellow is not only abstinent, but her spiritual and emotional recovery are growing as well. It is a beautiful and heartwarming thing to witness and be a part of. I believe this person and I were meant to work together. Just another example of Higher Power’s will—had I not joined the Twelfth-Step-Within Committee, I never would have had the opportunity to meet and help my new sponsee.

— Jennifer O.

The purpose of the Twelfth-Step-Within Committee is to help fellow members of OA who still suffer. If you are struggling, you can reach us at 12step@oany.org or (347) 433-5876.

FroM the tWelFth-Step-Within CoMMittee

SepteMBer CoMMittee MeetingS

Joining a committee is a great way to be of service.

Meetings are open to all members of OA.

Twelfth-Step-Within Committee Sunday, September 15, 2013 at 4p.m.

Gigi Café, 2067 Broadway (west side of Broadway, between 71st and 72nd streets) in Manhattan

Contact: Marcia L. (917) 693-4729 573-673-4616

My Abstinence Prayer

I’m doing God’s will every dayin my work and in my play

I am abstinent todayplease God help me stay that way!

— Karen G.