success through interpersonal skills - management concepts - manu melwin joy - training tools -...
TRANSCRIPT
Success through Interpersonal Skills
Prepared By
Kindly restrict the use of slides for personal purpose. Please seek permission to reproduce the same in public forms and presentations.
Manu Melwin JoyAssistant Professor
Ilahia School of Management Studies
Kerala, India.Phone – 9744551114
Mail – [email protected]
1001 Skills MMJ’s Management Skills Archive
LIVE
LOVE
LEARN
LEAVE A LEGACY
Four steps of skill acquisitions
• Unconscious incompetence.
• Conscious incompetence.
• Conscious competence.
• Unconscious Competence.
Johari Window
CLOSED DARK
Arena
• Total interpersonal space devoted
to mutual understanding and
shared information.
• Productivity and interpersonal
effectiveness are directly related
to the amount of mutually-held
information
Blind area
• Ignorance about oneself.
• Mannerisms, Verbal cues etc
• Can be reduced by asking for
feedback.
Closed area
• Withhold information.
• Fears, secrets, dreams etc.
• Can be reduced by sharing it
with others.
Activity
• Meet three people.
• Ask for their thoughts on
your Blind Area.
• Then share, if you feel safe,
items for the Hidden Area.
Life script
Script Analysis is the method of uncovering the early decisions, made unconsciously, as to how life shall be lived'.
Why we take decisions?
• Lack of power.• Inability to handle stress.• Immature thinking capacity.• Lack of knowledge.• Lack of option.
Don’ts or Injunctions• Don't be (don't exist)• Don't be you/ Don’t be the sex you are • Don't be a child• Don't grow up• Don't make it in your life (Don't Succeed)• Don't do anything!• Don't be important• Don't be close• Don't be well • Don't think
Do’s or Drivers• Be perfect.• Be strong.• Please others.• Try hard.• Hurry up.
Emotional bank account
Emotional Deposit
Trust & Confidence
Growing relationship
Emotional Withdrawal
Mistrust & Discord
Empty relationship
The secret to rich and rewarding relationships is three-fold:
• Understanding the importance of deposits and withdrawals in our relationships.
• Acting with the awareness that we will make withdrawals unknowingly.
• Putting in a concerted and committed effort to make deposits consistently.
Activity
• List 5 things that your spouse willingly does, even occasionally, that increase your appreciation, enjoyment, or desire for him or her
• List 5 things that you do or are willing to do on a regular basis that you believe would help your spouse to appreciate, enjoy, or desire you more.
• Discuss your lists with your spouse. Fine tune list. • Make deposits into your spouse’s emotional bank account by
consistently and frequently doing the thing on your second list. Also be sure to express sincere appreciation for the deposits your spouse makes into your emotional bank account.
Understand
Listen
Listening Vs Hearing
Why listen?
• Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen
effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks
down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or
irritated.
• The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen.
Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is
our attention.
• A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what
is left unsaid or only partially said.
Why we don’t listen?
• Listening is effortful.• We are preoccupied.• We want to talk. • False assumptions.• Quick thoughts
EmpathyVs
Sympathy
Autobiographical responses
• Evaluate.• Probe.• Advise
Levels of listening
• Ignoring.• Pretending. • Selective listening• Attentive listening• Empathic Listening
Stages of empathic listening
• Mimic content.
• Rephrase content.
• Reflect feeling.
• Rephrase content and reflect feeling.
Essence of good presentation
• Ethos -- your personal credibility.
• Pathos -- the empathic side.
• Logos -- the logic.
Learning styles in classroomThose who prefer a visual learning style...
• look at the teacher's face intently• like looking at wall displays, books etc.• often recognize words by sight• use lists to organize their thoughts• recall information by remembering how it was set out on a page
Those who prefer an auditory learning style...• like the teacher to provide verbal instructions• like dialogues, discussions and plays• solve problems by talking about them• use rhythm and sound as memory aids
Those who prefer a kinesthetic learning style...• learn best when they are involved or active• find it difficult to sit still for long periods• use movement as a memory aid
Men are from mars, Women are from Venus
Differences
• Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
• Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
Love
Love can be defined as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.
Love defined
Myths about love
• Falling in love.
• Romantic Love.
• Dependency in love.
• You can love things.
• Love is a feeling.
• Love is effortless.
Love is blind
• Temporary collapse of ego boundaries.
• Act of regression.
• It is effortless.
• Extension of one’s limit requires effort.
• Real love is a permanently enlarging
experience.
• Genetically determined instinctual
component.
• De-actives portions of the prefrontal cortex which
governs judgment and social behavior.
• Deactivates middle temporal cortex which regulates
• Deactivation of the amygdala which controls fear,
sadness and aggression
• negative emotions Dopamine - a feeling of euphoria
• Decrease in Serotonin- feel easily anxious, jittery
and depressed.
• Increase of adrenaline - making our heart beat faster,
our palms sweaty, and our mouths go dry
Falling in love is equal to a state after consuming narcotic drugs
Romantic Love
• There is a man meant for
every women.
• You can only be happy
with them.
• Real love is accepting the
one who is with you.
Dependence
• Inability to experience
wholeness.
• Passive dependent personality
disorder.
• For being loved, be a person
worthy of love.
• Role switching in marriage.
Cathexis
• Process of attraction, investment
and commitment.
• Loving money, power, garden
lacks spiritual growth.
• We project our feelings to pets.
• Some people are capable of only
loving pets or infants.
Love is a verb
• Feeling is the emotion
we experience while
cathecting.
• True love is committed
thoughtful decision.
Give
Forgive
ActivityWrite about the most significant hurt you have experienced in your life
– What happened?– When did this happen?– Who was involved?– What were your reactions immediately after the hurt?– What reactions do you still have as you think and write about the hurt now?
Answer the following questions with the specific hurt in mind. report on your current experience, how you feel right now.– I’ll make him/her pay.– I wish that something bad would happen to him/her.– I want him/her to get what she deserves.– I am going to get even.– I want to see him/her hurt and miserable.
Four elements of forgiveness
• Express the emotion.
• Understand why.
• Rebuild safety.
• Let go.
Clarify expectation
One minute goal
• Agree on your goals.
• See what good behaviour looks like.
• Write out each of your goals on a single sheet
of paper using less than 250 words.
• Read and re-read each goal.
• Take a minute every once in a while out of
your day to look at your performance, and
• See whether or not your behaviour matches
your goal.
Gratitude
Gratitude Practices
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Express your gratitude.
• Take a daily thank you walk.
• Make gratitude visits.
Activity
• Make a list of five things you are grateful for right now.
• Reflect on your list and allow yourself to feel good about these things.
• If there is a person you can thank or show your appreciation to, do that today.
Appreciate
Touch
Words are powerful
strokes
One minute praising• Tell people up front that you are going to
let them know how they are doing.• Praise people immediately.• Tell people what they did right—be
specific.• Tell people how good you feel about what
they did right, and how it helps the organization and the other people who work there.
• Stop for a moment of silence to let them “feel” how good you feel.
• Encourage them to do more of the same.• Shake hands or touch people in a way
that makes it clear that you support their success in the organization.
Smile
Remember names
Count every " F " in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARSOF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITHTHE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
Don’t Judge
Why we judge people?
• It is effortless.• It reduces overloading.• It needs no understanding• It makes us feel better
Shortcuts
• Halo / Horn effect• Contrast effect• Projection• Stereotyping• Selective perception
I cnduo't bvleiee taht I culod uesdtannrd waht I was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.
• Fundamental attribution error – tendency to over estimate the internal and
underestimate the external factors when explaining the behaviors of others
• Self serving bias– We tend to equate successes to internal and
failures to external attributes
Pygmalion effect
One minute reprimand• Reprimand people immediately.• Tell people what they did wrong—be
specific.• Tell people how you feel about what they
did wrong—and in no uncertain terms.• Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable
silence to let them feel how you feel. • Shake hands, or touch them in a way that
lets them know you are honestly on their side.
• Remind them how much you value them.• Reaffirm that you think well of them but
not of their performance in this situation.• Realize that when the reprimand is over,
it’s over.
Never
A man rides into the town on Friday. He stays one night and leaves on Friday. How is it possible?
Answer – Friday is the name of his horse. False assumption – Friday is a day in the week
There is a cabin on the side of a mountain. Three people are inside and they are dead. How did they die?
Answer: They were killed in a plane crash False Assumption: That the cabin was a office cabin. It was actually the cabin of a jetliner.
Sacrifice
Life is difficult
• Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems.
• The tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all mental illness.
Tools of discipline
• Delayed gratification.
• Take responsibility.
• Dedication to truth.
• Balancing.
Delayed gratification
It is the process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasures by meeting and experiencing pain first and getting it over with.
Never break a promise
Keep commitments
• All Commitments Are Important.
• Be Careful What You Agree To.
• Manage Your Commitments
• Renegotiate When You Are Unable to Keep
Your Commitment.
• Manage By Agreement
Respect people