Take out…Comp book open to initial

writing goalsMrs. Lund’s proofreading

marks

One Pager Feedback• Do more with your support. Go deep. Interpret

thoroughly rather than skimming the surface and stating the obvious.

• Keep the author in your argument (Criterion C: Appreciation of writer’s choices)

• Clear, strong thesis leads to strong essay. Weak thesis leads to lack of clear focus.

• Edit for wordiness. Be concise.• Avoid passive voice• Avoid comma splices

Be Concise• Vigorous writing is concise. • A sentence should contain no unnecessary words,

a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.

• Make every word count.

Wordy Concise • the question as to whether vs. whether • there is no doubt but that vs. no doubt • used for fuel purposes vs. used for fuel • he is a man who vs. he • in a hasty manner vs. hastily • this is a subject which vs. this subject • His story is a strange one. vs. His story is strange.

Use the active voice. (Elements

of Style)Active voice is… more direct and vigorous than the passive:   • I will always remember my first visit to Boston.   Much better than…   My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by

me.  …Less direct, less bold, and less concise. If you try to make it more concise by omitting "by me,"   My first visit to Boston will always be remembered,   it becomes indefinite and thus unclear: is it the writer, or some person undisclosed, or the world at large, that will always remember this visit? By whom?

May I ever use passive voice?

You don’t have to entirely discard the passive voiceIt is frequently convenient and sometimes necessary.   • The dramatists of the Restoration are little esteemed

to-day. • Modern readers have little esteem for the dramatists

of the Restoration.   Even though the first uses passive voice, it would be the right form in a paragraph on the dramatists of the Restoration; the second, in active voice, would be correct in a paragraph on the tastes of modern readers. The need of making a particular word the subject of the sentence will often determine which voice is to be used.  

Make it a habit to use Active Voice

•   Habitual use of the active voice makes for forcible writing, which is a good thing.

• You can make boring sentences lively and emphatic by using the active voice instead of perfunctory expressions such as there is, or could be heard.  

• There were a great number of dead leaves lying on the ground.

• Dead leaves covered the ground.

• The sound of the falls could still be heard. • The sound of the falls still reached our ears.

• The reason that he left college was that his health became impaired.

• Failing health compelled him to leave college.

Passive voice, besides leading to wordiness,

takes the authors out of your argument.• In Marquez’s Chronicle of a Death Foretold and Sophocles’

Oedipus the King, chance and coincidence are established as the dominant and opposing forces to free will…

Better (active voice):…the authors establish chance and coincidence as the dominant and opposing forces to free will…

• The theme of chance is developed when Oedipus talks about how he is not afraid of accidentally marrying his mother….

Better (active voice):Sophocles develops the theme of chance through Oedipus’ dialogue, ….

• If the IB gods can flip through an essay and see that you are regularly using the authors’ names, you are on track, because you are making an argument about the author’s choices.

If you have trouble identifying passive voice,

wordiness, or other style issues in your writing…• Use Word’s Grammar and Style functionNew Word:File: Options: Proofing: Writing Style: Grammar and Style: OptionsOlder Word: Grammar and Style: Options

• In both cases, check boxes for problems you are having (passive voice, wordiness, etc.)

Comma Splices• A comma splice is when you connect two

independent clauses (can stand on their own as sentences) with a comma instead of with a comma plus conjunction, a semicolon, or simply making the sentence into 2 separate sentences.

Type 1: Improper quotation integration

Example: Chekhov illustrates Anna’s emotional departure with Dmitri with the image of darkness and confusion, “The train left quickly, its lights soon disappeared, and a moment later the noise could no longer be heard…”

General Comma SpliceExample:Chekhov states that Gurov disliked being at home, we can infer from this that Gurov does not love, or maybe doesn’t even like, his family.

Reflection and Goal Setting

• What did I do well in this essay?• What was one weakness in this essay?• Look at your initial writing goals for the year. How

are you progressing towards them?• Set two specific, attainable goals you’d like to work

towards in your next piece of writing. These may be the same goals if you aren’t there yet or new goals. For example:

1. I want to remember to keep the authors in my argument throughout the essay. 2. I want to remove passive voice from my writing and remember to write in active voice.