The Art of Tea

The quintessential indicator of any advanced civilization

Tea is made wherever an advanced human civilization has emerged: Japan China India Russia United Kingdom

A certain refinement also accompanies tea

People are usually polite There is time to talk Certain formalities are observed Other formalities may be dropped Tea is also good for us and, thus, should be regularly consumed

English Tea

For convenience we will concentrate on English tea It is a well known fact that English tea is superior to

all other teas* English tea built an Empire Drinking English tea is held in such high esteem that

the British would only rest from their conquering of foreign peoples and places for a quick ‘cuppa’

At the height of the British Empire tea would be continuously drunk wherever the map was pink

Thus the sun never set on English tea-drinking

* This category includes all Scottish, Irish, Welsh and Yorkshire teas

So, what is the correct way to make tea? One must start with the right

ingredients: Fresh, loose English tea

leaves Under no circumstances

should tea bags be employed

As the best tea is grown in India and Sri Lanka growing tea might be a bit difficult where you live

Luckily for us, shops called ‘Supermarkets’ sell tea

So, what is the correct way to make tea? Continued It is advisable to procure a silver tea pot, milk jug, sugar pot,

tea strainer and tray to be entirely devoted to this art If this is unavailable then a stout ceramic one will suffice –

preferably without decoration Novelty tea pots, such as ‘Hello Kitty’ or in other animal forms,

are outlawed X

So, what is the correct way to make tea?Continued If possible, use fresh

spring water. Failing that, collect from a pure, high Himalayan stream

Always be sure of the purity of your water

So, what is the correct way to make tea?Continued Bring water slowly to the boil

Heat teapot with hot water Just before water boils empty hot

water from tea pot and add loose tea leaves

The rule is one teaspoon of tea leaves per person and one for the pot

Immediately add boiling water and put on lid

Cover with tea cosy and leave to stand for 2-4 minutes of polite conversation

Before serving gently stir teapot once again (with silver spoon)

Tea cups

Must be thin bone china cup and saucer with floral motifs

When drinking, cup must be held by thumb and two fingers of right hand, little finger pointing outwards

Saucer will always be held in left hand

Silver spoon is always on right side of saucer

The Question Then the most important question is asked:

“Shall I be Mother?” There is only ONE answer to this –“Yes”

Unless asked, a guest should always defer to the host teamaker. Anything else is presumptuous and could even be considered aggressive

Making tea therefore requires a modicum of tact and diplomacy

Milk is always poured before tea Knowing the correct amount of milk per cup requires

superhuman skill. There is a theory that this innate skill is an inherent genetic trait of all British peoples and may be the primary foundation for Empire-building

Milk and sugar? As soon as The Question is answered correctly, the tea

drinker must be prepared for another difficult one –“Milk?”

In general, the answer to this question is also “Yes” or “Just a dash, thanks”*

The choice of whether to add sugar (and how much) is left to the guest to indicate. But beware – one is acceptable, two is sweet, three or more

denotes moral weakness Sugar in loose granular form will be served with a

separate silver spoon, cubes with silver tongs WARNING – do not use sugar spoon to stir tea:

‘diplomatic incidents’ have occurred over spoon slights

* Unless, of course, one has a particularly strong milk allergy, or is ‘foreign’

Pouring tea Hold the tea pot firmly in one hand Pour from the bottom of the pot Employ the other hand for holding the tea strainer

over the cup Pour the tea until ⅞ths of tea cup is full

Test Question: What is wrong with this picture?*

* 15/16ths of the cup is full preventing, therefore, the correct ratio of milk

Having tea

Once the serious formality of tea-making and pouring is over you may enjoy the rest of the occasion

Indeed informal but polite conversation is expected

Biscuits may be served in the morning

Little cucumber sandwiches (without crusts), fruit cake and scones with jam and cream may be served in the afternoon

Such is tea – coursing through the veins of British folk for 350 years!

Music

‘3’ – Richard Peters ℗2012