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MONOCEREAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE!

Multiple students voiced con-cerns last week regarding a Noah’s Ark scale flood which left the Waterfront campus a soggy and moldy blend of sea-weed and dental chairs.

Online student reactions went from chipper to devastat-ed when the college announced that classes would still be held in the Titanic-like tomb known as the Waterfront campus.

Students have since voiced concerns that they could not possibly study and focus in such aquatic conditions.

“How can the school fac-ulty possibly expect students to come into a class when it’s completely submerged in wa-ter, and still manage to stay fo-cused on the professor during a

lecture.” said a very upset Sou-cha Babee, a third-year finan-cial planning student. “Is the school going to replace all the shoes that get soaked? I don’t think so.”

Babee has launched an on-line petition, which to date has more than 71 signatures from students to get Waterfront temporarily closed.

“It’s a very unfortunate in-cident, but I don’t see why stu-dents should suffer more and miss class,” said Icanut Fexit, George Brown’s facilities man-ager. “At the moment, fixing the excessive flood damage is number 13 on our list, but we’ll get to it.”

Local authorities have issued a public warning for a man the infamously dubbed “The Chee-rio Ripper”.

The suspect is allegedly responsible for over 41 cases of breakfast homicides across the province, leaving only de-stroyed cupboards and disem-bowelled packages of cereal at crime scenes.

Sources claim that the Cheerio Ripper is specifically targeting marked boxes of ce-real with honey as his modus operandi in light of the recent buzz for the global decline of bees.

As a safety measure, Gen-eral Mills has temporarily re-moved BuzzBee from its boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios until the suspect is apprehended.

Should you or a relative’s household contain any varia-tion of a honey-based cereal, police advise those to lock all of the kitchen cupboards and immediately contact Captain Crunch if you see the suspect in your neighborhood.

The suspect is described as a 4”1, with ginger hair, red beard and a bright green jack-et with matching pants. He carries a chef ’s knife and a black pot, and is considered to be armed and dangerous.

FIND THE BEST PLACES TO SLEEP AT GBC

DIPPING PIZZA...FINDING NEW WAYS.

TORONTO BURNS IN DRAKE RIOTS

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FOR A GOOD REASON

BIBLICAL FLOOD DECIMATES WATERFRONT, CAMPUS REMAINS OPEN College advises students to swim to class safely

Love cooking but can’t do it without some monster in a chef’s hat scream-ing at you? A new mobile app is com-ing to the rescue.

Chefs Shout, developed by Toron-to tech start up, DesignEveryAspect, is meant for those who need a little motivation to prepare a meal. Fans of Gordon Ramsay will be especially de-lighted as the app is a handy version of all the chefs that ever yelled at you. Its main function is, well, yelling. Fea-turing dozens of pre-recorded voices of notorious chefs from the GTA, the app recreates the exceptional and one-of-a-kind atmosphere of a professional kitchen.

“We interviewed many famous chefs and their protégées and they all agreed yelling is key to a healthy kitchen environment,” said Nora Fredericton, one of the developers. “Our research showed that many as-piring chefs can no longer cook even a simple meal unless they are being

directed by an aggressive, outraged and demeaning voice.”

The app has a social aspect to it as well. Registered users can share their favourite recordings with friends on social media. So far, the most popular “shouts” have been, “did you happen to bring any talent to the kitchen to-day!?” and “nice cooking degree, you’re the most educated dishwasher here!” which trended on Twitter last month.

Chefs teaching at George Brown noted that the app could ease their workload. “It is fun to yell at people in your twenties when everything that happens in the kitchen seems annoying and illogical, but once you hit your thirties, all that yelling gets quite boring,” said chef Jimmy Waver-ley, an instructor at the college. “With this new app, I can just relax in the kitchen and let the app ostracize and intimidate students on my behalf.”

NEW APP PROMISES ALL OF THE ANGER AND FEAR OF A PROFESSIONAL KITCHEN

MAUD ATYU STAFF REPORTER

LORD SHMEKA STAFF REPORTER

CLEMENTINE L’ORANGE STAFF REPORTER

April 4–May 1 // The Monolog2 News

Managing Editor Mick Sweetman . . . . . . communications@sagbc .caAssistant Editor Steve Cornwell . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialognews@sagbc .caOnline Editor Aloke Anand . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialogonline@sagbc .caArt Director/Designer Michael Shea . . . . . . . dialogdesign@sagbc .caVideographer Indira Ordaz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialogvideo@sagbc .caStaff Reporters Tina Todaro, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .dialogreporter@sagbc .ca Renuka Malhotra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .dialogreporter1@sagbc .caEmeka Ibeh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialogreporter2@sagbc .caAliona Kuts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .dialogreporter3@sagbc .caCharlotte Cameron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialogreporter4@sagbc .ca Ad Sales Riddhi Modi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . dialogads@sagbc .caContributors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clement Goh,

Follow us on Social Media!Facebook.com/dialognewsInstagram.com/thedialogTwitter: @dialogGBC

Contact The Dialog at:Room E122 - Casa Loma142 Kendal AvenueToronto, ON M5R 1M3www.dialognews.caTel: 416-415-5000 ext. 2764dialog@sagbc.ca

EDITORIAL FIND USThe Dialog newspaper is published by The Dialog with the support of the Student Asso-ciation of George Brown College.

The Dialog is responsible for the overall vision and direction of The Dialog newspaper, as it coincides with the larger vision and mission of the Student Association.

The cost of producing a monthly newspaper is in part

defrayed by advertising revenue and largely subsidized by stu-dent fees. Occasionally, some advertisers, products and ser-vices do not reflect the policies of the Student Association.

Opinions expressed in The Dialog are not necessarily those of The Dialog, the Student Asso-ciation of George Brown College, or its editorial staff.

SATIRE ISSUE. PLEASE DON’T SUE US. we dont have twitter or instagram.

Contributions to The Dialog are always welcome. We request that articles be submitted as digital copies in plain-text (TXT) or rich-text (RTF) format. Letters to the editor can be sent in an e-mail message to:dialog@sagbc.ca. Images should be in EPS format for vector files or in TIFF format at 300 dpi for raster files.

The Dialog is a member of CUP, the Canadian University Press

CONTRIBUTING

OPERATION THE DIALOG PARTNERS

“I don’t understand why more students don’t wear Crocs. They’re comfortable,” said Aurora Borealis, pro-fessor of community social aspects.

In a new effort to police students, instructors at George Brown are official-ly turning their evaluative powers on a thread that binds us all: student fash-ion. The new initiative, in which a small team of pro-fessors will hit the halls to police student clothing choices, will mean George Brown faculty can finally enforce the instructor-chic they’ve always wanted.

The new fashion police

will closely scrutinize stu-dents for fashion disasters and give them credits ac-cordingly.

“You know what I love?” asked professor Olden Days of obscure esoter-ic discipline, “consistency.And that’s why I’ll be repri-manding students who don’t continue to wear long win-ter jackets, warm caps and oversized scarfs, like me, ALL YEAR.”

Days added that, “fash-ion is what makes you no-ticeable,” and the bright winter colours, soaked with summer sweat are sure to do that.

Another professor who

will be leading GBC’s fash-ion police team is David Pas-tel from the centre of livin’ healthy. Pastel is in charge of a team of 10 professors assigned the job of fashion police for a day who will be patrolling on all three GBC campuses to give students a “dose” of fashion and rush students who need a fashion transfusion to an “emergen-cy room.”

Sources revealed that the fashion police are as-signed to make the campus students look good and “kill with fashion” during their final exams.

8:21 a.m.

Saw a patient running naked west on King Street towards Sherbourne Street.

8:24 a.m.

Naked guy stopped in front of me to give me a high five, and continued running, he seemed like a very nice guy.

11:23 a.m.

Hearing reports of stu-dents making out on

the bean bag chairs

1:26 p.m.

Played monkey in the middle for around 10 minutes to get my radio unit back from stu-dents

2:50 p.m.

Got hungry, went to Tim Hor-ton’s for a French vanilla and timbits. The line is uncomfort-ably long, decided to wait.

3:23 p.m.

At the cash register. Where is my pepper spray? Oh shit, I left it in the daycare centre.

GEORGE BROWN PROFESSORS FIND NEW WAYS TO JUDGE YOU

LORD SHMEKA STAFF REPORTERTHE SHOCKING NOTEBOOK

OF A GBC SECURITY GUARD

Have you ever asked yourself, what security

guards are really writing in their notebooks?2016-03-12

Sunny with a few clouds, 14 degrees

SPIDERMAN STAFF REPORTER

MONO

April 4–May 1 // The Monolog 3Sports

George Brown’s sports teams will have a new look and a new name this fall, after an online contest that saw hundreds of students vote. Sweet dreams Huskies, long live the new name for George Brown teams, “The Crying Mi-chael Jordans.”

“We really wanted to shake things up with the new name, but to be honest we were surprised by how thoroughly the online voting process was highjacked,” said An-drew Friggens, George Brown’s new director of athletic marketing.

“It’s not the name we wanted at the start, but it’s democratic and Michael Jordan was one of the best athletes of the modern age. I don’t really get the crying thing though.”

The contest had three main names in contention. The George Brown Beibers, the George Brown Betty Whites, and the eventual winner The Crying Michael Jor-dans. The Betty Whites was in the early lead garnering 300 votes over 27 days, with the Beibers chopping at the bit with 260 votes

over the same period. The Crying Michael Jordan’s were late edition to the contest but had a decisive victory ending up with a whooping 570 votes.

“Again, this name is really not what we wanted, and it’s probably going to make recruitment harder” said Friggens. “But we got some bad advice, put the vote online and we got John Scotted. At least we only have to keep it for dozens of years.”

The George Brown College Huskies varsity sports department has won the award for the ‘Most Overachieving Program,’ with an overall school varsity record of 36-15-71 for the 2015-16 season.

“This means a lot!” said Happy Bryant, a sec-ond year marketing student who plays for the Huskies baseball team. “It has been a great sea-son, and to see our school sports programs be so successful and finally earn some recognition is just amazing. We even have a theme song now:HUSKIES WILL NOW BE CALLED

THE CRYING MICHAEL JORDANS

HUSKIES WIN PARTICIPATION AWARD

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George Brown has the Huskies, the greatest college team/

They lose their games with more heart than anyone’s ever seen/

They make mistakes, can’t concentrate, but that won’t make them slip/

When you say George Brown, you’re talking championships!

And there you have it; no one is going to stop them from losing. A school with a sports pro-gram of this caliber is already sending a pow-erful message with a theme song that ferocious.

The first playoffs games begin against the Yucant Betus Bunnies. A battle of these two legends has never been seen before, and may never be seen again.

Right now, the edge goes to the Bunnies but that could all change for the Huskies with a rare win on Thursday night.

STAVROS SCORNHELL ASSISTANT EDITOR LORD SHMEKA STAFF REPORTER

April 4–May 1 // The Monolog4 Arts & Life

STUDYING LATE?THE ST. JAMES LIBRARY WILL BE OPEN!

Students can access the lower level of the library learning commons (LLC) and cafeteria space only.During the 24-hour library pilot the upper level of the LLC closes at midnight.

Student ID required

7:30 a.m. to midnight.

Normal hours

The lower level of the St. James library will be open 24 hoursLibrary opens at 7:30 a.m on April 11 and closes at midnight on April 15

Normal hours

The lower level of the St. James library will be open 24 hoursLibrary opens at 7:30 a.m on April 18 and closes at midnight on April 22

April 4 to 8:

April 9 & 10:

April 11 to 15:

April 16 & 17:

April 18 to 22:

GBC’S DIRTY FOOD COMBOS

Bag of meatballsSimple. Delicious. Portable. Don't let the Subway employee's weirded-out faces deter you when you ask for meatballs with no bread, no bowl and no worries. That's how people look when their lives have changed forever.

Cookie poutineInstead of having a boring old poutine with potatoes, ask for a large cup gravy, break up a few cookies from Tim Hortons in there and get ready to enter the post-cookie poutine period of your life.

Cold pizza dipped in popIt sounds horrible, and it probably tastes the same. But rumour has it that a slice of Pizza Pizza is delicious when dipped in pop. Try or-ange pop, for a working man’s Hawaiian pizza experience.

Butter and sugar sandwichesInternational students from post-Soviet countries will un-derstand this one as the ulti-mate dessert/lunch of the 1990s. It is time for a comeback. Enjoy with a buttered bagel from Tim Hortons, but make sure the butter is not melted. Grab a sugar packet from any shop on campus, and sprinkle it liberally over this cold-war epic.

GOREY LINTZ STAFF REPORTER

April 4–May 1 // The Monolog 5Arts & Life

In the era where food is no longer for eating but for tak-ing photos, George Brown College (GBC) chef ’s school introduces a new course as part of the Continuing Ed department. The course, Dig-ital Food Analytics, begins this fall.

Taught by noted chefs, the course has been in develop-ment for over a year, said chef Lark Crema. “We want our students to be career-ready, and this career is among the most promising ones.”

The eight-week intensive course will teach all aspects of being a successful Insta-gram photographer including a class on filters, vignettes and the Lux feature. For those keen on hashtags, there will be a focused session on how to write an entire sen-tence without using emojis.

For those worried that Digital Food Analytics will

have too much read-ing to tend to,

think again.

There is no textbook for this course. “Since the industry of food photography is so fluid and has its own language, we thought it was best to keep proper English readings out of the equation,” said Flay.

By the end of the course, students will be required to submit a portfolio of no more than 25 photos. The fi-nal grade will depend on the variety of subjects, settings, uniqueness and amount of likes and emoticons posts conjure.

The course is part of the new professional foodie with a phone certificate. According to its description, the new program is “for those who can’t have even the simplest meal without snapping pho-tos, uploading them to social media and then refreshing repeatedly see if their friends approve.”

If sleeping is the most important thing you do at school, then you’re in the right place. At George Brown, students are not only provided with the best place to study and play but also some of the most exciting places to fall asleep.

For those with a taste for sleeping in a busy and fashionable place, St. James is definitely for you. From the individual study stations at the library learning com-mons, to the cozy bean bag chairs set up in front of the Peerconnect office, if you’re looking to sleep while thousands of students staff walk around you, check out St. James.

If you’re looking for a quiet and relaxed sleeping spot, Waterfront offers a perfect beach-like location to get lost in your dreams. The library learning commons is a classic spot for

some on campus

shut-eye. But for those who love multi-task-ing, the stair-like area just outside

the commons offers a cozy and comfortable place to refuel

not just your body but also has charging stations for your cell phone.

Up at secluded Casa Loma, getting lost is as easy as falling asleep. You

can easily locate corners and places to doze off without be-

ing seen by your group project team or fellow classmates. One of the

best places is the first-come first-serve spot located just beside the SA board-room. This sleepy nook has a slightly slanted wall to help your legs re-lax, but get there early, the space

fills up fast!

GEORGE BROWN EMBRACES FOODIE PHOTOGRAPHY WHERE TO SLEEP AT

GEORGE BROWN

Exciting news for all stu-dents and staff at George Brown College. In an at-tempt to revamp the library infrastructure the college has decided to install Play-Stations in the learning com-mons instead of computers. The change can be expected to be implemented for the students in 2017.

The idea came up after consideration that the main focus of the college is to in-crease the retention rate of students and prevent them

from dropping out of school. With the help of on-cam-

pus PlayStations, students will be more likely to stay in college and level up. The retention rate is expected to increase considerably.

“This revolutionary move will make students more cre-ative and technically sound with skills that will benefit them in their unemployment after graduation,” said a spokesperson for the college.

Bring your fly swatters, moth balls and mosquito spray to what could be the most exotic dinner ever served at George Brown’s Offending Now din-ner series.

The special dinner was inspired by Michelin-starred Canadian chef, Tai-Ren Tula, who is also the owner of the acclaimed restaurant, “The Sixth Leg.” As a former alumni of the school, he said he wanted to host an Offend-ing Now dinner following an epiphany on an expedition to

find the Dodo bird in Peru.In spite of the advice of

his friends, family, cowork-ers, scientists, Google, and probably everyone he could have consulted, Tula wanted to find the famously extinct Dodo bird, kill it (again), and prepare it for for his wealth-iest customers.

While searching the Pe-ruvian Amazon, Tula was ravaged by numerous and terrifying bugs. “For six days I suffered from massive psy-chedelic fevers. It’s in that

rogue-state that I realized, insects could provide endless ideas for exotic food recipes compared to a game meat.”

The menu for the night, currently under develop-ment, is rumored to have 11 courses. According to a source close to the infestation, items on the developing menu of Cricket Terrine, Sous-Vide Caterpillar, Grasshopper Bánh mì, and Maggot Asada with a Dart Frog Gastrique.

PLAYSTATIONS TO REPLACE COMPUTERS IN LIBRARYALUMNI EXCITED

TO POLARIZE GUESTS WITH OFFENDING NOW SERIES

GOH XPRESS STAFF REPORTER

KANT COOK STAFF REPORTER

SPIDERMAN STAFF REPORTER

JAMES BOND STAFF REPORTER

Health benefits at collegeworkers.org

Erin ThorsonADMIN ASSISTANT LANGUAGE STUDIES

If you work as part-time Support staff for George Brown College, or worked during this academic year, email tracy@collegeworkers.org for more information.

A part-timer can work here for years and never get health benefits or a single sick day. HOW IS THAT FAIR? ”

up#Sign

April 4–May 1 // The Monolog 7Arts & Life

Chaos and despair have gripped Toronto as the city enters its fourth week of the Drake Riots. In what some are calling “the biggest revolt in music history,” the cancellation of Aubrey “Drake” Graham’s latest album Views from the 6, has been met with heated protest.

The saga began when the local artist decided to withhold the album’s release just 30 minutes before it was sched-uled to arrive at stores and online. Excitement became vi-olence soon after as fans that were lined up for the album began shattering windows in a number of music retail ven-dors, and toppled over shelves in search of the album.

At the Michael Keaton’s Centre HMV, the mob of Drake fans quickly became a more conventional mob, as many in the crowd believed the album was buried somewhere in the stores, and began a violent, Black Friday-like rampage.

Since the album’s non- release, the Toronto Drake loves has been replaced by overturned police vehicles, vi-cious mobs and bonfires rem-iniscent of Grand Theft Auto.

In response to the public outcry, Drake simply stated: “Yolo.”

Constable Marvin McRoom pleaded with rioting fans to listen to Drake’s 2013 album “Nothing Was the Same,” to alleviate any symptoms of “Hype Year Frustration Re-lapse (HYFR).”

In George Brown En-glish as a second lan-guage programs, I teach my classmates Farsi.

Sometimes I instruct them to greet me with khoshgeli, which trans-lates into ‘“You are pret-ty.” They think khoshgeli means hello!

Sometimes I wonder if the “I love you” they taught me in Turkish or Spanish is a curse word.

DRAKE CANCELS ALBUM RELEASE, TURNS ‘THE SIX’ INTO AN APOCALYPTIC HELL HOLE

You can learn any language, except English, in ESL

Introduce yourself. Re-member, politeness is key. Also overshare: make sure

to convey your religious and political views, tastes in music and TV shows and love for stray animals you bring home every so often.

Learn about their life. As much as possible! As an ice-breaker: read their diary.

Be yourself. Take that hour-long shower first thing in the morning, leave

wet towels on the floor and nev-er flush the toilet! After all, it’s bad for the environment.

Keep it clean. You don’t want to be the messy one, right?

Clean everything thoroughly at least twice a week. Use their shampoos for mop-ing, towels for dusting and toothbrush for dishes.

Notify about parties/parents visiting/friends staying overnight. There

is no right moment to do it, so we suggest 1 a.m. on the day of because the earlier the better.

Talk to your roommate. In a big city like Toronto we all feel lonely sometimes,

so make sure to check in with your roommate at least 16 times a day. If they’re not around text, they’ll be glad for the support.

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Worried about leaving your parent’s house and moving in with a stranger? We got your back. Follow these steps and your roommate will become your best friend.

LIT STAFF REPORTERCHARLES IRANISTAFF REPORTER

JUSTIN CASE STAFF REPORTER

Hiring! Busy upscale salon located in Thornhill. NOW HIRING full/part time student hairstylist. Great opportunity for future employment. Please call Vera (416) 871-8684

EMPLOYMENT (NO JOKE)

studentassociation.ca facebook.com/eventssquadtwitter.com/sagbc instagram.com/GBCeGUY

G a l a E d i t i o n

A night to remember on the water featuring a three-course meal & music!

Get your tickets at Student Association offices:

Casa Loma, room E100 // Waterfront, room 033 // St. James, room 147 // Ryerson (SHE Building), room 614Free shuttle buses leave from the Kings Lounge, St. James campus only at 6 p.m.

Northern Spirit207 Queens Quay West, Toronto

FRIDAY, APRIL 22$35 for GBC students, $45 for guestsBoarding time: 6:30 p.m. Return time: 11:30 p.m.

This three level ship will have DJs spinning the best in EDM, Top 40, Latin, Bollywood, Hip-Hop, Reggae & SocaSpex, Charlie B, Jeff Jam, Coyote, Armo Kidd & Toronto House Production.

19+ eventDress code strictly in effect (Semi-formal attire)

Absolutely no access back into the college.