the ideal marriage: relation killers (part 2)

THE IDEAL MARRIAGE

Part 2Relation Killers

Misperceptions of the Ideal Marriage


Improper View #1Everything perfect mentality

Osi and Herriot Syndrome (Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver). Everyone has their role.The marriage relationship comes easy.When it doesn’t meet with our expected ideal

we may respond as one lady,“I went in looking for the ideal, I found it an ordeal, and now I want a new deal.”


Improper View #2Marriage is Mud

Marlo Thomas made the statement just after marrying Phil Donahue, “I went in thinking marriage was mud, now I

view it as merely dirty water.”

What is the best view?Should we view marriage with an IDEAL view,Or, should we see look at marriage as a

necessary evil, DIRTY WATER?Probable Answer:

Yes, to both.There is a Biblical Ideal, but sin has brought in

dirty water.An understanding of this can help us begin to

bring our relationships back to the IDEAL

The IdealThe Ideal focused on Companionship.

Although the climax of Creation, Adam was lonely and needed someone to share with.

The original focus was not: propagation, sexual fulfillment, etc.

Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”

The Ideal The Ideal had a shared Headship.

Together they were made in the image of God.

Together they were sovereign over creation.Though he had the lead he viewed her as a

partner, not a subordinate..Genesis 1:27 God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply! Fill the earth and subdue it! Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and every creature that moves on the ground.”

The Ideal The Ideal was grounded in

Commitment.Leave his parents

○ Their physical care○ Emotional dependence

Cling to his wife○ Physically○ Loyalty, affections

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family (one flesh).

The Ideal The Ideal was bonded in Intimacy.

Physical Intimacy○ He saw her as a part of him.○ When he held her he held a part of himself.○ Union brought about a new person that

was both of them.Emotional Intimacy

○ Sharing in work and caring○ Sharing of aesthetics of God’s creation

Spiritual Intimacy in their walk with God.Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family (one flesh).

The Ideal In the Ideal marriage Vulnerability (naked)

allows exploration.There was nothing to hide, so they had total

exploration of each other (heart, mind, physical). They explored each other, but also made themselves vulnerable for exploration.

No fear of being violated (physical, emotional, mental).

True intimacy requires vulnerability.Where there is no exploration there is no

growth.

Genesis 2:25 The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.

The Ideal In the Ideal marriage Innocence

provides freedom (not ashamed).Shame throws up barriers.Sin builds walls.Innocence trustsInnocence makes vulnerable.

Genesis 2:25 The man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.

WATCH OUT FOR RELATION KILLERS

The Nature of Relation Killers They are crafty or shrewd.

Shrewd can be good or bad.Proverbs 1:4 To impart

shrewdness to the morally naïve . .

Matthew 10:16 (NASB) “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.

Genesis 3:1a Now the serpent was more shrewd than any of the wild animals that the Lord God had made.

The Nature of Relation Killers Shrewd (arummim) is a wordplay on

naked (arum).Eve’s nakedness (arum) represented

innocence, but innocence that was ignorant to evil or danger. She was innocent but not shrewd.

The serpent's shrewdness (arummim) would be used against the vulnerability of Eve’s innocence. He was shrewd but not innocent.

The Nature of Relation Killers Relation Killers are deceivers.

They deceive by pretending to act in your best interest, “Friend, …”

They deceive with well chosen words.

They deceive with their beautiful well mannered appearance.

He said to the woman, “Is it really true that God said, ‘You must not eat from any tree of the orchard’?”

The motive of relation killers

The motive of relation killers is to destroy the innocence and vulnerability of the relationship.Hatred for one party in the relationshipJealousy or covetousness of the

relationship.Desire to undermine the authority structure

and place self at head.


The method of relation killers

The method of relation killersChooses the most vulnerable in the

relationship.Brings into doubt the person not present.

○ He impersonalizes that person (drops the name Yahweh).

○ Misrepresents his words (generalizes)○ Focuses attention on the negative○ Contradicts their words○ Brings doubt to motives


Genesis 3:4 The serpent said to the woman, “Surely you will not die,

Genesis 3:5 for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will open and you will be like divine beings who know good and evil.”

The method of relation killers

They deceive with big lies.○ They were more like God when

innocent than they were after knowing the difference between good and evil.

Genesis 3:5 (NET)5 for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will open and you will be like divine beings who know good and evil.”

Relation Killers Cast the bait, but we must bite the hook.

Eve bit the hook.She impersonalizes GodShe misquotes God, “and we must

not touch it”Once she mistrusts God she trusts

her senses○ Sight – good for food (appetite), and

pleasant to sight (aesthetics).○ Mind – make one wise (intellect)○ Desire for deification (Power or glory)

The simple seldom eat alone.

Genesis 3:2-3 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit from the trees of the orchard; 3

but concerning the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the orchard God said, ‘You must not eat from it, and you must not touch it, or else you will die.’”

Genesis 3:6 When the woman saw that the tree produced fruit that was good for food, was attractive to the eye, and was desirable for making one wise, she took some of its fruit and ate it.

She also gave some of it to her husband who was with her, and he ate it.

Relation Killers Cast the bait, but we must bite the hook.

Adam bit the hook.Adam was with her “who was

with her”.○ He was not an innocent bystander.○ He did not intercede.

It was “his will” to accept or reject it.

She also gave some of it to her husband who was with her, and he ate it.

Innocence Lost – Relationships Damaged

Disobedience to God caused:The lost of innocence/vulnerability and:

○ Damage in the relationship between mankind and God.

○ Damage in the relationship between mankind and Creation.

○ Damage in the relationship between the man and his wife.

Next week we will examine the details of the damage.

But God is Good He has provided a Second Adam to restore the

damage. The Second Adam is victorious over sin and the

serpent. The Second Adam declares us innocent. The Second Adam protects us from the

deceiver. The Second Adam give us a restored

relationship with the Creator and each other. Obey God and receive the Second Adam.