The Impact of MixedThe Impact of MixedRelationships on Three Relationships on Three Generational FamiliesGenerational Families

Reena Masrani, Patrick Leman & Peter Smith Goldsmiths College, University of London

“People in all cultures have fathers, mothers, sons and daughters. But the relations between them are not culture free” (Ramanujan, 1983, p.171)

This poster describes a study to explore the interface between the personal experiences of couples in mixed relationships and

the intergenerational relationships existing within their families.

Mixed marriages in Britain

Inside the mixed marriage•We might anticipate differences between cultures on the social constructions of marriage.Whilst differencesare a potential source of richness they may also createchallenges for those marrying between cultures due to different religious or cultural beliefs.

•Although differences may create tension and conflict, by couples negotiating what customs and rituals from both cultures they wish to practice within their family unit, they can create their own micro-identity described by Breger & Hill (1998) as “cultural bricolage” so that:

“… The mixture of our backgrounds has turned out to be a strength rather than a weakness…”

(Johnson & Warren,1994, p.2.)

•How freely customs are adopted and adapted may be influenced by whether the “mixed family” is living with extended kin, or within an ethnic community in which following perceived “traditions” is important.

Children_from_mixed relationships•Choices of identity and cultural belonging are unlikely to be “hard and fast”. Children may include features from any cultural side they are a heirs to unless a decision to choose one is forced.

•Potential problems which children may face: cultural, ethnic and racial identification issues, lowered self

esteem, difficulties in dealing with conflicting cultural demands, and feeling marginal in two cultures.

•Johnson & Nagoshi, (1986) found few differences experienced between the offspring of intragroup and intergroup marriages, but the research was done in Hawaii where intermarriage is common and little prejudice exists.

•Kerwin, Ponterotto, Jackson & Harris (1993) also found no evidence of problems in biracial families in New York.

•In Brixton in the UK, Benson (1981) found a significant proportion of 27 racially mixed children in 20 interracial households defined themselves as white in an attempt to deny their black heritage.

Grandparenting a child of a different race or ethnic group•It is interesting to look at grandparents as ethnicity affects grandparenting styles, and values, due to their role as a bearer of a cultural legacy (McCready, 1985).

•The value a culture places on grandparenting is known as grandparent’s latent identity (LGI), and may be affected by ethnic and cultural factors (Kornhaber, 1996).

•Kerwin et al (1993) found that grandparents with strong religious beliefs were anxious for their grandchildren to be brought up with an awareness of their ethnic heritage.

Method.

GrandparentsGrandparents

ParentsParents ChildrenChildren

in-depth interviews with each

family member to get a

detailed view of their experiences.

Mixed = two people from different linguistic, religious, ethnic groups or nations.

Couples in in long term relationships and cohabiting as were also included, because according to Berrington, (1998) some couples may hold less “traditional” marriage views.

•3 mixed and 3 non mixed families were used so that general experiences of family life and those specific to “mixed” families” could be investigated

Aim: to explore the personal experiences of couples in mixed relationships and their families

Data analysis•As people talk about their experiences their representations and beliefs are not stable entities, but are continuously created and negotiated, and speakers may often contradict themselves.

•Discourse analysis is a technique which seeks to unravel the complex richness of attitudes by attending to the details of what is said, and how it is presented by uncovering the layers of meaning (Billig, 1992).

•Through talk people perform many actions e.g., blaming, justification or denial to achieve particular effects (Edwards & Potter, 1993).

Steps taken in the analysis:•Verbatim transcriptions made of each interview.•Literature about mixed families and the method and purpose of discourse analysis was considered as transcripts were slowly read. •An iterative technique was used to identify sections considered to be significant. These were highlighted.

•From significant statements broad themes emerged. Sections fitting into these themes were analysed, and ideas that reoccurred within transcripts were arranged into discourses.

•Fragments of text most illustrative of the discourses were picked out to provide validity, and

evidence for their existence within the transcript. •Early assumptions were checked and rechecked. As patterns and inferences emerged individual transcripts were looked at to clarify ideas and see how participants had positioned themselves within the discourse.

•Different extracts were compared looking for counter examples, and the conflict and tension present (Billig, 1997).

Results

The discourses found in each family were explored in terms of looking at general issues specific to each generation with the other dimensions that are introduced within “mixed” families.

•The analysis concentrates on the cultural and religious issues which arose within the mixed families.

Cultural Background and its influence in “mixed families”•In all relationships there are bound to be differences. The key in these relationships was to put beliefs and practices stemming from cultural backgrounds into the context of their relationship.

Breger & Hill (1998) termed this as cultural briocolage and there was evidence of parents having engaged in this as they considered the relevance and importance of certain aspects of

culture and religion to them in their families: “neither of us care that much about those cultural aspects to be prepared to jeopardisethe relationship.”

•However, besides having differences due to cultural beliefs couples also felt that they were many common points as well due to families having similar cultural aspirations.

•Inevitably one of the aspects of culture and having two backgrounds widens the choices of who you identify with. In one of the mixed families where the mother was white and father African American, the father seemed to have certain ideas of what cultural heritage his daughter should have:

.

“her dad thinks its I shouldn’t do that and you know tell her about Father Christmas. He hates Father Christmas because Father Christmas is white. That’s another thing, just like wonder woman (laughs). And errm he thinks that is really wrong and er its not relevant to her, er its not culturally relevant to her, she’s black, and anyway and I think that’s a lot of rubbish. Father Christmas is an idea not a person”

This is interesting because the father sees “white” images negatively, yet in terms of teaching his daughter about “blackness” he did not foster any of the responsibility which the mother felt he should:

“you should take her not me (laughs). I’m not black, you are”

While wanting her daughter to have an awareness of both cultures she felt it should be a responsibility they both handle, according to their backgrounds.

This was echoed in one Jewish-Christian mixed relationship. The Christian partner was happy to allow Jewish customs and practices to be accommodated, yet in terms of actively getting involved he did not see that as his responsibility:

“it is up to Karen how much effort she wants to put into that religious identity. I will I will support it, but I’ll, its not something I want to spend huge amounts of timedoing myself”

From children’s perspectives they did not suffer from

having two backgrounds. The mixed race daughter mentioned above identified with both cultures and their offerings, and related it to appearance as well:

“I am quite proud that I am American and I am quite proud that I am English, so it don’t, it doesn’t really matter what you look like”

Parents also thought that having two backgrounds should not pose a problem either:

“there is no conflict because there are no strings being pulled in opposite directions,...basically the differences between myself and Karen my partner are one of the things that make the relationship work. Exploring those cultural differences in a relationship is fun”

Exploring cultural differences and negotiation filter down to children for example in the Jewish-Christian family the children were going to learn to negotiate “cultural rocks” and mediate what they could and could not do at their Jewish grandparents house on the Sabbath:

“its very clear from Karen’s parents that they are orthodox, but they are certainly quite religious and you can’t spend that much time with them without that being apparent. They don’t write on the Sabbath day. So if my kids want to do writing in their house, they can’t … so they are going to come across those notions so they they are going to but errm so but I think they they will learn to mediate… in a sense the

children are learning to negotiate whatever cultural rocks there are in the in the way forward”

•The negotiation is not seen as problematic, but as gaining an awareness and knowledge of what is acceptable or appropriate and being able to make those choices.

•However, sometimes tradition can compete with choice.

•This couple faced the choice whether or not a son would be circumcised. Although the issue was discussed it never needed to be confronted as “cleverly” they had girls. Yet each family member was aware of the implications that either decision

could have had if a son had been born.

•It also brought a realisation to the couple that certain things can be so ingrained in culture that others outside of the culture may find it hard to understand:

“something like I could go and circumcise my son, just something I could never, he would never ever understand, he will to this day never ever understand, but I accept that”

Religion•Religion was a more obvious issue in the mixed faith family that were interviewed as in the other two families they came from differing cultural

backgrounds where religion was not a major point of difference.•Parents were showing their children that there were various options. While many may view coming from different faiths or cultural backgrounds as a “problem,” this need not be the case. Even in “non-mixed” families there can be different positions of religion. Only in mixed faith households is it more obvious.

•For example in same religion households where there may be differing levels of believing, the practising of customs and traditions may be taken for granted with little awareness of the meaning.

•In mixed households nothing can be necessarily assumed as it is likely a conscious decision to get involved or not is made:

“The more steps you take away from Judaism the harder it is…I kind of have loads of dilemmas about you know what does it mean, what what is it Jewishness? And how much is important.”

This Jewish mother saw Judaism an an important part of her life. Her Jewishness was not based in thereligious teachings that it gave her, but the culture and traditions it offered.

•She felt that in many ways it was a way of life and difficult to separate the cultural and religious aspects of it. By not practising all customs to the

full extent, and compromising it meant that she had to make more effort to pass on the richness of the culture to her children.

•An interesting point explored in interviews was how all religions have common points. This Jewish woman partnered with a Christian believed it would be more of a problem if there no religion in her partner’s family as then there could be no understanding of why you feel the way about certain traditions:

“I think if it wasn’t for Dora’s religion, Charles’s Mum’s, that would be more of a problem. There’s some position of religion in their family, just happened to be different religions, but there was a, you know religion was a bit there.”

•The mixed children interviewed in this study were between the ages of 8-10 in the mixed families. They did not seem to have that much awareness or interest in their heritage or religion:

“Its just so boring, its just muttering on about. I don’t know its just weird. If it was a bit like interesting I would probably like it more”

However, age or being from a same cultural and religious background does not make it any easier tounderstand religion. A 17 year old girl who had a religious upbringing from two Christian parents felt:

“I don’t know whether I believe in God or not, but I do most of the time”

Family Relations•This is an area where tension and conflict can arise between the parent and grandparent generations, especially as these mixed relationships threaten the “taken for granted certainty” that may exist in non mixed families regarding the cultural and religious upbringing of children.

•Between the generations there was a view that as people get older they are less able to to deal withissues that are unfamiliar or things that they do not know about. Another person’s cultural beliefs may be seen as “funny ideas.”

•One grandmother whose daughter was in a mixed culture and race relationship, where the

grandchildren did not have an input of that cultural side, felt that problems existed:

“different upbringing completely.. Different, different values, everything is different.”

•The relationships grandparents form with the mixed partner can be thought of one with mixed feelings. The Jewish woman’s father reflected on his feelings:

“I would have prefered it to be different. Would have been happier of course if she had even married a Jew, but errm er well whilst I would have liked it to be different I accept the situation now… and I’ve grown really fond of him”

While he seems to have resolved the issue or presents the view that he has, his daughter considers it to be a bit different, although from the following extract it seems she too is trying to look at his position and understand it:

“he kind of got into a real mess because he started acknowledging that you know he really likes Charles and my sister’s boyfriend, even though they are not Jewish, he really likes them. I mean it was not the right thing to say and he kind of got into a real mess kind of mess about it, but its because he’s so, its so in built in him, that, that’s what he believes that he has to say at any opportunity, but to his credit he’s never said negatively it about somebody personally. I mean

he has said to me in another way, you know Charles is just so lovely, and I really like him, and I’m really fond of him, and it’s a bit of a problem that he’s not Jewish, but actually no he doesn’t say that anymore.”

•Although grandparents may have ambivalent feelings about their child’s partner these may be resolved when grandchildren enter the equation.

•There is the continuation of the family line, with the possibility of passing traditions and being a link to the past (McCready, 1985).

•However, sometimes they may not be able to get as involved as they would like:

“She just sees them going of to Synagogue and not to Church and I think that rankles with her. There’s not that much that I can do about it. Errm so so that is a bit of an issue but there is a general I think she would be jealous of whatever grandparents, whatever the other grandparents were. Whether they were Christian or Jewish. That would still be there, but as another handle”.

•With this grandmother there was a feeling of a divide having been crossed from “shared culture” to “one culture”. This father resolved the issue seeing with his view of religion as knowledge. Christianity was the dominant culture and religion which society

is permeated with and cannot really escape. Yet the children’s knowledge of Judaism would need some nurturing as it is a minority faith and not as accessible as Christianity.

Conclusions•Mixed relationships can be enriching with both partners bringing together their experiences and expectations to create a new household. In the families interviewed regardless of cultural backgrounds there were many similar themes which would suggest that you are a parent or grandparent first and you have a sense of what that involves without any specific cultural expectations impacting on that. The key factor in these relationships and

families was negotiation and to compromise.

•Children were being exposed to bits of different cultures and some of this was in a religious context, and they were at ease with their backgrounds.

•Grandparents could have concerns about couples relationships, and the family, but could offer a lot in terms of making a child’s experience more “culturally rich.”

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