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The Most Important Phrase You'll Ever Say in a

Meeting

March 11, 2013   405,352   2,779   980 

inShare11K  

The most important phrase you'll ever say in a meeting isn't "Please" or "Thank you." Itisn't "How are you?" to open the meeting or "What are the next steps?" to close the

meeting. No, the most important phrase you'll ever say in a meeting is:

How can I help you? 

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My father-in-law taught me to show your friendship first. There's no better way to show

that you care about the person you're meeting with than to genuinely, authentically ask 

her what you can do to help.

There are two possibilities when you ask how you can help:

1) The person will tell you, thereby giving you an opportunity to help, after which the

 person you helped will feel compelled to return the favor, and help you.

2) The person won't tell you, instead politely declining, but then she will still feel like

you care, and will be emotionally invested in helping you.

Either way, establishing that you care and that you're there to help is a powerful

emotional bond. It's a paradox, I know - you're not meeting with someone to find out how

you can help, you're likely meeting to get something sold, or bought, or done. But it'sthrough helping that you'll gain trust, and eventually, influence.

 Nine months ago, Michael Kislin, a financial advisor, met with me for the first time, and

asked me, "How can I help you?" I told him about my startup venture Likeable Local, 

and said I could use some introductions to technology investors. He asked me a bunch of 

questions to learn more, and soon after, introduced me to several people he thought could

help me. Then I called him to thank him, and thought to ask him to tell me more about

what he did. I soon became a client of Michael's.

Three weeks ago, I met with an employee for a 1-on-1 for the first time, and asked her,

"How can I help you?" She told me how I could help make her job easier, more

 productive and more efficient. I helped her, and now she's more productive than ever 

 before.

If it seems simple, it is. It doesn't matter whether it's a customer, a prospect, or a

colleague you're meeting with - we all like to be cared about, and we all can use some

help. Just make sure you're genuine, never contrived, and ask in your next meeting, "How

can I help you?"

 Now it's your  turn. What do you  think of this approach? Have you  encountered someone

like Michael, who truly wanted to help you first? Are there other important phrases to

utter in a meeting? And how can I help you ? I look forward to reading your comments

below! 

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What would you like to see happen?

Matt Dichter 

Account Executive at Bullhorn. Helping recruiters put the world to work by making

more placements, faster.

Great article, and I have a good personal example I would like to share. I think most people havea really negative view of car salesmen, many times unwarranted based on some who just aren't

very good salespeople in general. A few years ago, I walked into a dealership, and was

greeted by an older gentlemen who told me to take a look around, make myself at home,

and come to him if there was any kind of help I needed. This type of approach is so much

 better than the "in-your-face, feel like you are being sold to" feeling that you get off some people.

This car salesman not only sold me a car then, but I came back to give him my business once

again within the past year. His approach went a long way to earning my trust, and then my

 business.

Jennifer Monroe, CPC 

Director of Billing Services at Choice Medical, Inc.

I have a client who would always ask me this at the end of each meeting. He had been a

salesperson himself for many years. He would end each meeting by saying, "Thank you, is there

anything I can do for you?". It make a big impression on me.

Most supervisors have no idea what is supervision, but only enjoy the fact that hey are over 

people. I learned from a very important person that was in my life, who just happened to bemy Director, that her job was not to deligate orders, but to see how we could succeed as a

unit. This is the appraoch she did with all of us. Not to discuss cases, but to see how could

she assist us in doing our job, are there any problems, that is making the job difficult, and

checking in with us when we looked stressed, and asked us not to come in tomorrow.

Laban Jemba 

Owner, Jewel of the Nile

 Awesome. I read just read this article having had a successful User acceptance testing meeting with

our supplier -! I had been very nervous before the meeting because my lead developer was

extremely late. So instead of telling him off - I tried this! I first tahnked him for a job well done - since

we got the result we wanted. then I asked him "how I could help HIM advance in his career without

him self sabotaging his efforts. It is like I have never seen him excited before... he told me he need

help at Project management - VITAL area - time keeping. I will be helping him,,, he is so excited that

I asked!

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Eliza Evaristo 

Sales Manager at AEON TOWERS by FTC GROUP OF COMPANIES

Yes it is very effective to say How can I help you to a person especially if she or he really needs

help. I remember when I encountered my first client who bought a residential lot in one of our 

 prestige subdivisions. I did not even think that he will buy because he was a very ordinary man

went to our real estate office with a paper bag in his hand and my officemates did not even

 bother to ask him but I approached the man and said "Good morning Sir, how can I help you?

and that was the beginning of my career in real estate. I've learned lots of things on that situation.

Enayatali Ali, PMP 

Business Project Manger at SunTrust Bank

Great concept. Most people will respond to this approach. I usually asked my co-workers what

can I do to help them get to where they want to get (in terms of their career or personal lives).

This was very useful for me as it gave me an idea as to where I can help then learn and expandtheir experience to be better prepared for that next opportunity or life journey as it comes along.

Anthony Kicinski 

GSM at Toyota of Batavia, an Upstate Auto Group company

I learned years ago from a dealer principal I worked for who was notorious about being

concerned with the individual rather than the sale and that the sales will come from that, be it a

customer or a salesperson, that a great way to start an effective 1-on-1 was to ask "What is the

hardest thing about your job that you would like help with?" The conversation that follows is

almost always highly productive.

Jean Selby, LSW 

Masters Student University of New England MSW Program

As a social worker, I have learned to listen before assuming that I know why a person has

reached out for help. Sometimes a person comes to an agency with a specific problem and after 

listening, I find that there is a more pressing issue. After asking "What can I do to help?" I have

found it important to take the time to think after they answered to process what they said, and

clarify. Motivational interviewing helps clarify their needs and reframing their request lets themknow I am truly there to help.

Greg Linnemanstons 

Marketing strategist & inbound marketing expert

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Thanks, Dave, I agree completely. It's both a good opener and an even better closer. I use it after 

asking about someone's goals, plans, challenges and timelines, since after those questions I know

 pretty much about where they're going, and I only need to get them to commit to accepting

outside help. So I often say "Here's what I heard you say about your situation. What's the best

way I could help you get where you're going?" Tghanks for triggering some good conversation,

Dave

Ralph Bailey 

Principal Architect at Guymer Bailey Architects

In retail shops I find that question can be answered yes or no aaaand it often is a polite no thanks

I'm just looking whereas if you say to the potential customer welcome have you been in here

 before? if they answer yes you say welcome back and can engage them in conversation. If they

say no then you say welcome I would be pleased to show you what we can do for you. In both

cases you have engaged with them.

Kathy Sather 

Real Estate Home Staging, Paint & Color Consultations

I've been a self employed entrepreneur for over 20 years. Everyone in our business was taught to

great each customer with a smile, a hello and to welcome everyone by asking "How can I help

you?" Or "what can I do to help you today?" It makes no difference what business we are in,

success is only achieved by identifying a need and satisfying it.

Administrative Assistant at Rodale

Thank you for sharing such a true way of reaching out. Many times in my work and personal life,

I have started conversations with "Hi, how is everything, how can I be of help?" Should they

answer that they were fine, I reminded them I was available and willing to help if needed. They

may not needed me at that time, but it does make the person feel better; you can almost feel the

tension leave their body knowing someone cares and is just a call or email away to help out if 

needed.

Siying Liu 

MBA Candidate at University of North Carolina Kenan-Flagler Business School

Great post! In my experience, when I met a new person and asked, "is there anything I can

help?" That person would be saying something like "thanks! hey tell me about you". Then I

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could introduce more about myself, even asking for career advice. So I felt that's a great way to

 build a relationship with trust. On the other hand, for those who have helped me, I always seek to

return their favor.