The preparation of youth for family life: the necessity and options of nowadays

Prof. Dr. Birutė ObelenienėResearch Centre on Marriage and family

Vytautas Magnus university

• Throughout all human history for procreation, growing and education of child nothing better and more appropriate than the family has been found

• It is the main reason why the family is the fundamental good of person, society and state.

• Much more, in the context of nowadays dramatically decreased birth rate, family is the background of safety of the state.

The main goal of nowadays

• there is no need to argue that preparation youth for family life is the main goal if we would like to survive as nation and human race

• And we must determine the correct direction for preparation of youth for marriage and family

Today the love is the main motive to marry and create the family

• it is difficult to imagine, but the love as the main

reason for marriage is very young – it is no more than 60 years in a history of the marriage

• Never more before love was the cause for marriage. Rather, it was the result of the marriage

• And never more before there was so a big number of divorces, pairs living together outside of marriage, and children's who became victims of such parents decision, than today

It may means only two things

1. The love is incorrect motive for marriage 1. But, when the love became the main motive for

marriage, there was really realised the basic human right – freedom and free choice. It is the great victory in history of marriage

2. We have incorrect conception of love

• The sociologists say that the main part of respondents has the romantic understanding of love in Lithuania

– Aušra Maslauskaitė. Lytis, globa ir kultūriniai gerovės kapitalizmo barjerai Lietuvoje//Sociologija. Mintis ir veiksmas. 2004, Nr. 3, p. 39–51

• More than 50 % of engaged couples who are going to marry in the Catholic Church identifies love with the feelings

– Narbekovas A.; Obelenienė B.; Kulpys Ž. Sužadėtinių santuokinės meilės samprata // Tiltai. 2010, nr. 41, p. 52-68.

The meaning of love

• Love is not the same as the feeling of attraction, no is it an uncontrolled and sensual passion.

• It is not the same as a physical attraction between a man and a woman, no is it true love that which often appears on the media as a disordered sexual illness.

• Is commonly believed, that love is something complete from the beginning, something given ready made to a human being

• Love should be sees as something which in sense never “is” but always “becoming”

• And what it becomes depends upon the contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment

• This commitment is based on what is “given”.

The meaning of love

Love & Responsibility

The feelings are only material for love

• Experiences which have their roots in the sensuality or natural sensitivity of a woman or a man constitute only the material of love

• Tendency to regard them as its finished form is a mistake , ‘consumer’ outlook which is contrary to the nature of love

• A true love can be only the work of persons Human is a creator and love must be created by him from this natural material of love (sensuality and sensitivity )

Love is integration • Human as a complex and multi-layered being

manifests himself in many different dynamisms:

– The physical level: sexual desire sensuality – the psychic level: emotion, feelingssensitivity– The personal level: recognition of the value of the

person• all 3 levels have a part in the experience of love• Integration of these 3 kinds of dynamism takes

place in human action and in the act of loving.

• Integration is not something arbitrary but constitutes a programme of making oneself whole fulfilling oneself, which is characteristic of man as a person

• Non integration signifies a incapacity for self mastery , self -possession

Non integration of love

• When love is not integrated the persons used the material of love , which quickly runs out

• And than such persons who experienced not love but only material of love states that love is over

• Love develops on the basis of the totally committed and fully responsible attitude of a person to a person, erotic experiences are born spontaneously from sensual and emotional reactions

• The integration of love requires the individual consciously and by acts of will to impose a shape on all the material that sensual and emotional reaction provide

• The protection from sensuality of body can give only realization of chastity.

Meaning of true love

• Love is unreserved self giving and unique unity of persons

• Love never is blind, because it is based on cognition of person , respect, responsibility and care

• Love is true – because is unlimited in time• When love is unlimited in time – the marriage

is unlimited in time too and divorces become impossible

The preparation for family is the education for love

• The education for family life – education for love• The education for love is chastity education• Learning to live chastely is part of learning how

to use one‘s freedom well.• Chastity includes learning in self-mastery which is

a training in human freedom. • The alternative is clear: either man governs his

passions and finds peace, or he lets himself become dominated by them and becomes unhappy slave.‖

• Married people are called to love with conjugal chastity. That is, their love is to be total, faithful, exclusive, and open to life

• Conjugal love merges ― the human and the divine, leading the partners to a free and mutual self-giving

• Marital chastity is not a sexual abstinence

The marital chastity – the openness to life

• Openness to life in conjugal love primarily lies within familiarity with one’s fertility,

• Human is inseparable unity of the body and the soul. To eliminate own’s or spouse’s fertility from expressing the love in conjugal act - means to eliminate the body, because procreation as corporal form of expression of love is included in the bodies nature

• The elimination of body in love leads to disintegration of the person. Such person becomes not capable for self giving in love. He becomes an user in general meaning, not only consumer of contraception

• According to the person – user understanding: the relationship with the spouse is the same as the relationship with an object,

• Person – user uses spouse as a thing.

• When relationship between spouses is built on the character of a consumerism, the spouses become the means but not the goal for each other. The possibility to become a gift to each other is missing

• The substance of relationship between parents and child has the same character as between spouses

• Losing understanding- spouses are the gift to each other – leads to the losing of understanding child is a gift

• In other words, marital chastity protects a great goods:

1. the communion of persons, 2. the good of the child 3. and finally the good of the society in general

Much more,

The self giving love in marriage (inseparable unity of expressing love and procreation) leads to respect of the body and fertility – and it means 3 basic things:

1. a good biological knowledge of woman’s and man’s fertility

2. the ability to recognize natural fertility signs of the body

3. the control of sexual desires by mind and will to be a HUMAN means to exercise RATIO (ability to

learn) and FREEDOM (ability to control sexual desires)

NFP

It is correct to talk about NFP

In the context of • A sound Christian antropology • A self giving and unlimited love• A spouse as a gift • a child as a gift • A health as physical, mental and spiritual

welfare (not in the context of reproductive health)

It is a big mistake to talk about NFP only in the context of technique

Despite the fact that scientific research in last 10 years using NFP to space babies or do not conceive any more, proved it’s effectiveness as using modern contraception,

NFP is still an outsider in official health policy and practice and always will be

WHO about NFP1986 within WHO European Regional Office doctrinal changes

respective NFP are taking place and is recomended:

• NFP should be replaced with more neutral term “fertility awareness methods” because a) adjective “natural” implies it is better than other methods that are seen “unnatural” and, therefore, bad; b) presumably strong connotation with religion

• NFP should be offered as one option together with other methods

• To promote NFP on their methods rather than on the negative aspetcs of other methods

• NFP should be promoted as a back-up when other contraceptive methods are not available

– Prof. Dr. Jonas Juskevicius

WHO about NFP

In parallel with the NFP terminological metamorphosis the term ”effective modern contraception” as a counterweight to NFP methods introduced in scientific and practicall literature.

This term generally refers to hormonal contraceptives

• Since 2001 NFP as an autonomous term is dissapearing from the language of WHO European Office;

• NFP methods were renamed to “fertility awareness methods” or to “periodic abstinence during fertile periods”.

• In turn, the latter methods have been attributed to contraceptive methods !!!

• “Family planing is achieved through contraception defined as any means capable of preventing pregnancy...” (Definitions and Indicators in Family Planing... op. cit. )

... and Distributed Fact sheets by WHO press office provides cummulative effectiveness rate of FNP methods - 75 %!!!(WHO Media centre. Fact sheet N°351 Family planning, April 2011)

Of course, no reference to scientific studies ...

In Lithuania

• According conclusion of document analysis (there was evaluated 9 programs from 2 medical universities):

• Fertility awareness is not properly integrated into study programs for health professionals (obstetricians, obstetricians gynecologists, family doctors) in Lithuania

• In textbooks recommended in study programs the most part of information on fertility awareness is incorrect

Results of the analysisB.Obeleniene, V. Daudaraviciene, Fertility awareness in universities programs of Lithuania//Health

science, 2011,p. 24-32

MVSP_AG_VU

ASP_LSMU

MVSP_AG_LSMU

ŠMRP_LSMU

ŠMRP_VU

AGRP_VU

AGRP_LSMU

MVSP_RP_LSMU

MVSP_ŠM_LSMU

-20 -16 -12 -8 -4 0 4 8 12 16 20

5

1

-2

-2

-2

-3

-3

-5

-8

N o y e s

r a t h e r no

unclear

r a t h e r y e s

presence basics of fertility awareness

L. Molienė, S. Molis. Žmogaus biologija ir sveikata. Kaunas: Šviesa, 2000. Vadovėlis 9 klasei

The NFP isinvisible or incorrectin school programs of Lithuania

• Vytautas Magnus university is only one university in Lithuania where the basics of fertility awareness is integrated in 4 study programs ( 2 bachelor and 2 master study) of Catholic Theology Faculty

Family research master study study

• The “Family research” program (90 ECTS) was created for teachers who works in program “Preparation youth for family life” at the schools

• The Family research program includes the followings subjects: Ethics of procreation, where fertility awareness is studying. In subjects “Marital morality” and “Theory of sexual education“ the education of love is studying.

NFP training

• In June 2010, the Vytautas Magnus University council approved a new program of Research centre on marriage and family “Fertility awareness and Natural family planning” program (4ESTC, 120 h) for NFP teachers training.

• The student in program are in a big part recruit from Lithuania family centres

• Completed the program and passed the exams NFP teachers train the couples in Lithuanian family center

Lithuanian family centre is a network of 56 Diocese and parishes

centres

Learning in NFP

• is training how to be rational and free• It is learning self realisation as a human• Is training to create community of love in

family , in society.... in state

• In destroying the life giving power through contraception a husband or wife does something to himself. This turns the attention to self and so it destroys the gift of love in him or her.

• We cannot solve all the problems in the world, but let us never bring a new problem arising from the destroying of love.

• NFP is a self-control out of love for each other.”• Mother Teresa