the scallion
DESCRIPTION
The satire edition of the Sunset High School student newspaper The Scroll.TRANSCRIPT
Inside:6KDTXLOOH�2·QHDO�ÀWV�WKURXJK�ÀUVW�GRRUZD\�����page Ư2UHJRQ�EDQV�KHDGOLJKWV�WR�VDYH�HQHUJ\�����page 7823
McDonald’s offers Harlem Shake for $2.99 ... page
News
New Classes
World News
Double Truck
Sports & Activities
Sunset Individuals
Entertainment
Welcome, citizens of Sunset!
For those of you who have been waiting for an eternity to see the re-
WXUQ�RI�7KH�6FDOOLRQ��ZH�DSRORJL]H�IRU�WKH�GHOD\��ZKR�NQHZ�ÀJKWLQJ�YLOODLQV�ZRXOG�EH�VR�DGGLFWLQJ"�<HV��\RX�UHDG�WKDW�ULJKW³ÀJKWLQJ�YLOOLDQV��´7KDW·V�D�ELW�H[WUHPH�IRU�D�FDUHHU�FKDQJH�µ�\RX�PLJKW�VD\��´$UH�\RX�VXUH�\RX·UH�QRW�going through a midlife crisis?” Fear not—it was no career change at all!
:H�GHFLGHG� WKH�EHVW�ZD\� WR�JHW�QHZV�ZDV� WR�PDNH� LW�RXUVHOYHV��$OWKRXJK�we felt a certain temptation toward villainy, we also felt that such an avenue
would be detrimental to our attempts to get the administration to approve a
VFKRRO�IXQGHG�VWDII�YDFDWLRQ�WR�WKH�%DKDPDV�� � � � �$Q\ZD\�� MXVW� VLW� EDFN� DQG� LPPHUVH� \RXUVHOI� LQ� WRS�QRWFK� VDWLUH�ZULW-ten by a group of extraordinarily talented, brave and beautiful (most of us,
DQ\ZD\��VXSHU�KHURHV��2XU�VWDII�ZRUNHG�KDUG�WR�FUHDWH�WKLV�PDVWHUSLHFH�IRU�\RX�WR�HQMR\��1RW�RQO\�GLG�ZH�ZRUN�KDUG�DW�FRHUFLQJ�SHRSOH�LQWR�UHYHDOLQJ�their innermost secrets, but also worked hard at minimizing our expenses
WR�RQO\�VL[�KXPDQ�VDFULÀFHV��GRQ·W�ZRUU\�DERXW�WKH�VDFULÀFHV�EHLQJ�SHRSOH�\RX�NQRZ��WKRXJK��ZH�RQO\�NLGQDSSHG�VWXGHQWV�IURP�-HVXLW���,I³DQG�LQ�WKH�PRVW�XQOLNHOLHVW�RI�FDVHV³\RX�PDQDJH�WR�ÀQG�DQ�HUURU�LQ�RXU�SDSHU��SOHDVH�UHPHPEHU�WKDW��DV�7KH�2QLRQ�VR�HOHJDQWO\�SXWV�LW��´UHDGHUV�VKRXOG�KDYH�QR�voice whatsoever and the newspaper shall be solely a one-way conduit of
LQIRUPDWLRQ�µ�$GGLWLRQDOO\��DQ\�VLPLODULWLHV�WR�DFWXDO�SHUVRQV��OLYLQJ�RU�GHDG��DUH�HQWLUHO\�LQWHQWLRQDO��<HV��ZH�GR�HQMR\�UHFHLYLQJ�\RXU�GHDWK�WKUHDWV������6R��ZKDW�H[DFWO\�ZLOO�RXU�IDLWKIXO��GRQ·W�\RX�GDUH�FKHDW�RQ�XV�ZLWK�WKDW�sneaky Lit Mag!) readers expect to see in our paper this year? Well, our pa-
SHU�FRQWDLQV�VWRULHV�DERXW�6XQVHW·V�VHFUHW�VXSHU�KHUR�VTXDG��SDJHV���DQG�����WKH�QHZVSDSHU·V�QHZ�PHWKRG�RI�WHOHSDWKLF�EURDGFDVWLQJ��SDJH����DQG�PDQ\�RWKHU�MDZ�GURSSLQJ��UHSXWDWLRQ�GHVWUR\LQJ�VWRULHV�
Happy reading!
Amy MoralesCo-Editor in Chief
Amy WangCo-Editor in Chief
8
7
5
15
10
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Co-Editors Amy Wang a.k.a Night-wing & Amy Morales a.k.a Black Canary reveal their true identities. Many had already guessed that they were not mere mortals.
Got a special Senior in yourlife? Give them a shout-out in the Senior Edition of The Scroll.Watch for details in www.thesunsetscroll.com.
The Scroll plans to debut a new
telepathic model of publishing news
on May 15, which, when fully oper-
ational, will supplement current print
DQG�GLJLWDO�SXEOLFDWLRQV� The technology needed for such a
monumental innovation was discov-
HUHG�E\�D�WHDP�RI�$PHULFDQ�DUFKHROR-
JLVWV�LQ�D�ÁRDWLQJ�EODFN�RUE�ORFDWHG�LQ�DQ�DQFLHQW�3HUXYLDQ�WHPSOH��$UFKHRO-ogists believe the device to have ex-
traterrestrial origins and the method
WKURXJK�ZKLFK�DQFLHQW�6RXWK�$PHUL-FDQV�EXLOW�WKH�1D]FD�OLQHV������´:H�GLGQ·W�VWHDO�LW³QRW�WHFKQLFDO-ly, anyway,” says The Scroll adviser
(ORLND� 5R]HQGDDO�� ´:KLOH� WKH� 8�6��and Peruvian governments were pre-
RFFXSLHG� ÀJKWLQJ� RYHU�ZKR� KDG� WKH�right to the artifact, a staff member
secretly spirited the orb back to The
6FUROO�WR�EH�SXW�WR�EHWWHU�XVH�µ Such an innovation is the result
RI� WKH� QHZVSDSHU·V� GHVLUH� WR� EH� WKH�SLRQHHU�RI�DOO�SXEOLFDWLRQ�IURQWV��7KLV�
year, after piloting a predominantly
digital platform, staff members de-
cided to venture into telepathy and
become leaders in the telepathic in-
GXVWU\�� � � � � $GGLWLRQDOO\�� E\� FRQYHUWLQJ� WR�a telepathic platform, The Scroll ZLOO� EH� DEOH� WR� UHGXFH� WKH� VFKRRO·V�EXGJHW� GHÀFLW� E\� VHOOLQJ� WHOHSDWKLF���������������������������������������DGYHUWLVHPHQWV�� � � � �´'XH� WR� WKH� LQWUXVLYH�DQG� LQHOX-
dible nature of the advertisements,
ZH� SURMHFW� KHDY\� GHPDQG� DQG� HYHQ�heavier sales of the advertisements,”
VD\V�SURMHFW�PDQDJHU�%U\FH�3DWHO������7KH�6RXWK�$PHULFDQV·�PHWKRG�UH-TXLUHV�WKH�XVH�RI�D�OLYH�KXPDQ�EURDG-
FDVWHU��DQG��VR�IDU��VXFK�D�UHTXLUHPHQW�has incurred three fatalities (victims
included two humans and one in-
VHFW���7KH� VFRUFKHG� VNHOHWRQV� RI� WKH�human testers were donated to a rival
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atomically accurate” cast-and-plaster
PRGHOV��7KH�IULHG�LQVHFW�ZDV�JLYHQ�WR�D�IDW�VSLGHU�LQ�WKH�FRUQHU�RI�2QH�+DOO� The Scroll�SODQV�WR�VDFULÀFH�WKHLU�least-productive member as the hu-
man broadcaster to accommodate this
UHTXLUHPHQW��7KH�HGLWRULDO�ERDUG�ZLOO�HYDOXDWH�WKH�WRWDO�HIÀFLHQF\�DQG�SUR-
ductivity of each member at the end
of the month, and the individual who
is deemed to be the least productive
will be forced to become the new
EURDGFDVWHU������´,W�ZLOO�SURYLGH�JUHDW�PRWLYDWLRQ�IRU� VWDII�PHPEHUV�µ� VD\V�5R]HQGDDO��´$GGLWLRQDOO\��VWDII�PHPEHUV�ZLOO�QRW�be able to back out, for in an amaz-
LQJ�VWURNH�RI� IRUHVLJKW��XSRQ� MRLQLQJ�The Scroll, all members were re-
TXLUHG�WR�VLJQ�D�FRQWUDFW�WKDW³DW�WKH�ERWWRP�DQG�ZULWWHQ�LQ�ZKLWH��VL]H�����font—guarantees their participation
in experiments deemed ‘grossly inhu-
PDQH·�E\�WKH�,QWHUQDWLRQDO�&RPPLWWHH�on Ethics and are currently banned by
WKH�8QLWHG�1DWLRQV�µ
� � � � �$V� ZLWK� DOO� WHFKQRORJ\�UHODWHG�innovations, much controversy has
swelled around the concept and im-
SOHPHQWDWLRQ�RI�WKH�QHZ�SODWIRUP� Many students and teachers have
voiced complaints, outlining concerns
about the potential violation of ethical
principles, intrusion of privacy and
the possibility of telepathic broad-
casting posing a distraction during
FODVV��2WKHUV��RQ�WKH�RWKHU�KDQG��KDYH�GLUHFWO\�TXHVWLRQHG�WKH�PHQWDO�VWDELOL-ty of The Scroll·V�VWDII�� � � � �´7KLV�LGHD�LV�DEVROXWHO\�LQVDQH�µ�VD\V� MXQLRU� (SVLORQ� 7KHWD�6LJPD��´The Scroll� LV� LQVDQH��7KLV�VFKRRO� LV�LQVDQH��:KR� NQRZV� KRZ� GDQJHURXV�WKDW�DOLHQ�DUWLIDFW�LV"�,W�VKRXOG�EH�XQ-
der maximum-security lockdown in a
government facility, not in the hands
of some random teen-age civilians in
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0RQLFD�*UHHQ�� D�6XQVHW� ,QWHUQDWLRQDO�%DFFD-ODXUHDWH� �,%��'LSORPD� FDQGLGDWH��ZDV� IRXQG�GHDG�0DUFK� ���� SROLFH� GHWHUPLQHG� WKDW� WKH� GHDWK� ZDV�caused by utter and complete surprise due to her
ODFN�RI�XVXDO�KRPHZRUN��������*UHHQ�ZDV�IRXQG�GHDG�MXVW�RXWVLGH�RI�2QH�+DOO�near the student parking lot; she was unable to make
LW�WR�KHU�FDU�EHIRUH�WKH�LQFLGHQW��*UHHQ�ZDV�VHHQ�ODVW�with textbooks and notebooks in hand, unsure about
ZKDW�WR�GR�ZLWK�WKHP�� � � � �´,·YH�QHYHU�VHHQ�D�VWXGHQW�VR�FRQIXVHG�µ�VDLG�,%� %LRORJ\� WHDFKHU� *UHJ� 3LOOHWWH�� ´6KH� ZDV� MXVW�ZDONLQJ�DURXQG�WKH�KDOOV�LQ�DLPOHVV�FLUFOHV��,�JXHVV�,� GLGQ·W� UHDOL]H� WKH� LPPHQVH� LPSDFW�RI�KDYLQJ�QR�KRPHZRUN�RQ�DOO�WKHVH�VWXGLRXV�NLGV�µ�����,%�VWXGHQWV�PDLQWDLQ�D�EXV\�ZRUN�VFKHGXOH�ZLWK�homework hours varying anywhere from two to
HLJKW�KRXUV�HYHU\GD\�GD\�DIWHU�VFKRRO����������$OO�,%�WHDFKHUV�GHFLGHG�WR�ZLWKKROG�IURP�JLYLQJ�KRPHZRUN�IRU�RQH�GD\��7KH\�FODLPHG�LW�ZDV�IRU�D�QHZ�,%�3V\FKRORJ\�H[SHULPHQW��EXW�PRVW�VWXGHQWV�
UHSRUW�WKDW�LW�ZDV�D�FUXHO�MRNH�WR�JHW�D�ODXJK�� � � � �´,W�ZDV�IRU�D�SV\FKRORJ\�H[SHULPHQW��,�SURP-
LVH��:KDWHYHU�WKRVH�VWXGHQWV�WHOO�\RX�LV�IDOVH��7KH\�DUH�O\LQJ�µ�VDLG�,%�3V\FKRORJ\�WHDFKHU�$QQH�$PHV��´+RZHYHU��,�GR�IHHO�UHDOO\�EDG�QRZ��,�GLGQ·W�NQRZ�WKH�VWXGHQWV�ZRXOG�EH�VR�VKRFNHG��0\�FRQGROHQFHV�JR�RXW�WR�KHU�IDPLO\�µ�����7KH�VWDWH�LV�QRZ�ÀOLQJ�D�PDQGDWH�WR�WKH�VFKRRO�WR�HQVXUH�WKH�UHLQVWDOODWLRQ�RI�KRPHZRUN�DW�6XQVHW��The state also strongly recommends an extra dos-
age of homework for a week in order to ensure a
IXOO�UHFRYHU\�IURP�WKH�VKRFN� There are no new reports of other deaths, but
many dazed students are still being found parading
WKH�KDOOV�KDSKD]DUGO\������´7KH�NLGV�DUHQ·W�HYHQ�FRPLQJ�WR�FODVV�DQ\PRUH�µ�VDLG�3LOOHWWH��´,�WKLQN�WKH\�DUH�LQ�D�VWDWH�RI�SHUSHWXDO�VKRFN��,�GRQ·W�NQRZ�ZKDW�WR�GR�µ�����7RGD\·V�DWWHQGDQFH�GDWD�VKRZV�WKDW�RQO\����SHU-FHQW�RI�DOO� ,%�VWXGHQWV� VKRZHG�XS� IRU�FODVV��2Q�D�QRUPDO�GD\��DWWHQGDQFH�LV�LPSHFFDEOH��
Natalie Valent
Wonderwoman
Amy Wang
Nightwing
IB textbooks lay scattered around the outline of the dead IB student Monica Green. Her body was found yesterday a!ernoon by a group of juvenile delin-quents ful"lling their community service hours. Photo by Hutton Sutherland
The Scroll�WR�SLORW�QHZ�WHOHSDWKLF�SODWIRUP
� � � 8QH[SHFWHG� IDPH� DQG� VXFFHVV�came to The Scroll as the switch to
a digital newspaper brought in new
DXGLHQFHV� DQG� DGYHUWLVHUV�� 1RZ��with a bloated budget and bloated
egos, the staff members have de-
FLGHG� WR�TXLW� WKHLU� MREV�EHFDXVH� WKH�wealth and fame has proven to be
RYHUZKHOPLQJ����7KH�LQÁDWHG�EXGJHW�ZDV�D�UHVXOW�RI�the profound success of the online
newspaper, which received over one
PLOOLRQ�KLWV�SHU�PLQXWH�DQG�RYHU����LQTXLULHV�IURP�FRPSDQLHV�DVNLQJ�IRU�DG�VSDFHV�RQ�WKH�ZHEVLWH�� � �´$W�RQH�SRLQW�� WKH�ZRUOG�IDPRXV�VRGD�FRPSDQ\�&RFD�&ROD�FRQWDFWHG�us about purchasing an advertise-
ment on the website,” says adviser
(ORLND�5R]HQGDDO��´7KDW·V�ZKHQ�ZH�DOO�NQHZ�WKDW�ZH�KDG�KLW�LW�ELJ�µ Many staff writers complain of
constant paparazzi invasions, inces-
VDQW�DXWRJUDSK�UHTXHVWV�DQG�DQ�RYHU-powering wave of younger Sunset
VWXGHQWV� ZLVKLQJ� WR� WDNH� WKH� FODVV��Big newspapers, like The New York Times, often pester the newspaper
staff members for story ideas in an
effort to attract more bigger audienc-
HV�IRU�WKHLU�SXEOLFDWLRQV��7KH�H[WUD�money, however, allowed the staff
to invest capital in other ventures
that were otherwise unavailable due
WR�EXGJHW�UHVWULFWLRQV������´,W�VWDUWHG�ZLWK�VPDOO�VFDOH�SXU-chases like empty classrooms and
small businesses,” says copy editor
-HQQ\� )HVVOHU�� ´:KHQ� ZH� LQVWDOOHG�WKH� SRRO� LQ� WKH�PLGGOH� RI� WKH�$����ODE�,�NQHZ�WKLQJV�KDG�JRQH�WRR�IDU��
,W� ZDV� MXVW� VR� LPSUDFWLFDO� WR� KDYH�water where there were so many
FRPSXWHUV�µ The Scroll staff began to resist
the fame and the money once they
UHDOL]HGLW� JRW� RXW� RI� FRQWURO�� 7KH�unexpected recognition for the cut-
WLQJ�HGJH�MRXUQDOLVP�RI�WKH�SXEOLFD-tion proved to be too much to han-
GOH� The staff will begin to end their
UXQV�RYHU�WKH�QH[W�PRQWK��7KH�ZKROH�staff is leaving to make room a reg-
ular life for themselves, and to make
URRP�IRU�D�QHZ�JURXS�RI�MRXUQDOLVWV�WR�ÀOO�WKHLU�VKRHV�� � � ´:H� ZLOO� SXEOLVK� RQH� PRUH� LV-sue of The Scroll� DQG� WKHQ� LW·V� WKH�end for these staff members,” says
5R]HQGDDO��´:H�ZRXOG�ZUDS�WKLQJV�up sooner but we have to wait for
$PHOLD�7XUQTXLVW� WR�JHW� EDFN� IURP�+DZDLL��:H�VHQW�KHU�WKHUH�WR�FRYHU�D�story about corruption, but in hind-
VLJKW��WKH�LURQ\�LV�MXVW�WRR�PXFK�µ
�����3UHYLRXVO\�XQDEOH�WR�ÀQG�DQ\�PRQH\�WR�IXQG�SXEOLF�VFKRROV��2UHJRQ�6WDWH�6HQDWRU�-RHO�%ROWRQ�ZDV�VXUSULVHG�WR�ÀQG�VRPH�OHIWRYHU�EXGJHW�PRQH\�LQ�KLV�FRDW�SRFNHW��7KH�PRQH\�DPRXQWHG�WR���������ZKLFK�LV�DSSUR[LPDWHO\����SHUFHQW�RI�WKH�SXEOLF�HGXFDWLRQ�EXGJHW�� � � � �$IWHU� VHYHUDO�ZHHNV� RI�PHHWLQJV�� WKH�2UH-
gon legislature concluded the discovered budget
PRQH\�ZRXOG� EH� EHVW� VSHQW� RQ� ��� QHZ� 6OLS� Q·�6OLGHV�IRU�SXEOLF�VFKRROV�� � � � �´:H�FRQVLGHUHG�XVLQJ�WKH�PRQH\�RQ�VFKRRO�supplies, but Walmart had a great sale on Slip
¶Q�6OLGHV�µ�VDLG�%ROWRQ��´6LQFH�WKH�6OLS�¶Q�6OLGHV�ZHUH�ÀYH�SHUFHQW�RII�IRU�D�OLPLWHG�WLPH��ZH�NQHZ�we had to take advantage of such a great deal and
EX\�DV�PDQ\�DV�ZH�FRXOG�DIIRUG�µ�����6WXGHQWV�DQG�WHDFKHUV�IHDU�WKH�2UHJRQ�6WDWH�6HQDWH�LV�RXW�RI�WRXFK�ZLWK�WRGD\·V�\RXWK��0DQ\�believe the budget money could have been better
DOORFDWHG�WR�LPSURYH�WKH�TXDOLW\�RI�SXEOLF�VFKRRO�HGXFDWLRQ� Legislators claim the Slip ‘n Slides will
be incorporated into the high school physical ed-
ucation programs, but many are unsure of the
HIIHFWLYHQHVV�RI�WKH�GHFLVLRQ��0DQ\�EHOLHYH�WKDW�Slip ‘n Slides are outdated and that many better
DOWHUQDWLYHV�H[LVW������´,�FDQ·W�EHOLHYH�WKH\·G�ZDVWH�PRQH\�RQ�6OLS�¶Q�Slides when they could be using it for something
cooler, like trampolines,” said senior Ethan Bar-
WRQ��´6OLS�¶Q�6OLGHV�DUH�VR������µ�� � � � �7KH�2UHJRQ� OHJLVODWXUH�KDG������� OHIW�DIWHU�SXUFKDVLQJ�WKH�6OLS�¶Q�6OLGHV��7R�DSSHDVH�XSVHW�teachers, they spent the remaining budget money
RQ�6FDQWURQ�VKHHWV�DQG�VFHQWHG�PDUNHUV�� � � �:KLOH�VRPH�WHDFKHUV�ZHUH�VDWLVÀHG�ZLWK� WKH�amount of money spent on school supplies,
many others were disappointed that the Senate
allocated more money to entertainment than to
HGXFDWLRQ�������´,�DJUHH�WKDW�VRPH�RI�WKH�PRQH\�QHHGHG�WR�EH�VSHQW�RQ�FODVVURRP�VXSSOLHV��EXW�,·P�QRW�VXUH�LI�scented markers are appropriate for high school
VWXGHQWV�µ�VDLG�PDWK�WHDFKHU�0HOLVVD�5DLOVEDFN�
NEWS
Anamika Vaughan
Mermaid Man
Swarmed by yearbook paparazzi, the Sunset Scroll sta# members show o# their best sco#. $at was their last photoshoot before resigning.
2UHJRQ�VHQDWRU�ÀQGV�VFKRRO�EXGJHW�PRQH\�LQ�FRDW�SRFNHW��VSHQGV�RQ�VOLS�Q�VOLGH
Before sending the new Slip ‘n Slides to Beaverton high schools, Oregon State Senator Joel Bolton tests them out to make sure they’re in working condition. $e Slip ‘n Slides will be used in a new PE program next school year.
Photo courtesy of h2ohno.net
Bryce Patel
Professor X
The Scroll�VWDII�XQDEOH�WR�KDQGOH�IDPH��PRQH\��GHFLGHV�WR�UHVLJQ
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6XQVHW�LQWURGXFHV�,%�3(Soraya Go
Jak-Jak
Sunset faculty will be unveiling a
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dents are continuously challenged by
the intense workload of making copies
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downs in the past year due to the unex-
SHFWHG�GHPDQGV�RI�EHLQJ�D�7$��6XQVHW�administration decided that action was
QHHGHG������´,W·V�VLPSO\�WRR�PXFK�IRU�D�VWXGHQW�WR�WDNH�RQ�RXW�RI�WKH�EOXH�µ�VDLG�$VVLV-WDQW�3ULQFLSDO�&KULV�%LFN��´,W·V�RXU� UH-sponsibility to prepare students for the
challenges that await them in life, and
we determined this to be the necessary
FRXUVH�µ� � � � �'HVSLWH� VHYHUH� EXGJHW� FXWV�� URRP�ZDV�IRXQG�LQ�WKH�FRXUVH�OLVW�IRU�WKH�,QWUR�WR�7$�FODVV���7KH�LQWULFDFLHV�RI�PDNLQJ�FRSLHV� DQG� JUDGLQJ� TXL]]HV� UHTXLUH� DW�least one semester for even a gifted stu-
GHQW�WR�EHJLQ�WR�XQGHUVWDQG��������&ODVVHV�WKDW�DUH�JHQHUDOO\�UHFRJQL]HG�as complex received little consideration
for an introductory class when com-
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LFV� VXFK� DV� ODZ�� EXVLQHVV� RU� MRXUQDO-ism are simply unnecessary,” said an
DQRQ\PRXV�GLVWULFW� VRXUFH�� ´:H� UHDOO\�thought that the only class which merit-
ed some sort of introductory level class
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Alex Groshans
Dirty Bubble
� ,QWHUQDWLRQDO� %DFFDODXUHDWH� �,%�� VWXGHQWV�forgot the concept of sleeping after months of
mentally grueling and time-consuming work-
ORDGV��,Q�UHVSRQVH��WKH�VFKRRO·V�DGPLQLVWUDWRUV�are hard at work planning a new class in hopes
RI�UHWHDFKLQJ�WKLV�ORVW�VNLOO�WR�,%�VWXGHQWV�� � � � � ´:H·UH� WKLQNLQJ� DERXW� H[SDQGLQJ� WKH� OL-EUDU\� WR� LQFOXGH� D� GHVLJQDWHG� ¶VOHHS� FHQWHU·�WR� DFFRPPRGDWH� WKH� FODVV�� :H� ZDQW� WKHP� WR�learn how to take power naps between passing
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thusiastically on other possible aspects of the
FODVV�� � � � � ´,·YH� KHDUG� WKH� FODVV� ZLOO� IRFXV� RQ� SLO-low-making, counting sheep and reading
ROG� KLVWRU\� WH[WERRNV�µ� VDLG� 9DOOXUL�� ´7KRVH��������������activities would definitely make me fall
DVOHHS�µ� � � � �$IWHU� WKH� FKDOOHQJLQJ� ILUVW� VHPHVWHU�� WKLV�GLVWLQFW�JURXS�RI�VWXGHQWV�EHFDPH�KLJK�RQ�$·V�EXW� IHOO� VKRUW� RQ�=·V��$V� D� UHVXOW�� 6XQVHW�ZDV�informed by Starbucks employees about issues
concerning coffee shortages and claims that
WKHLU� NLRVN� LQVLGH� 6DIHZD\� FRXOGQ·W� NHHS� XS�with the continually growing demands for caf-
IHLQDWHG�GULQNV������´7KLV�FODVV�LV�VR�XQQHFHVVDU\�µ�VDLG�3HJJ\�4XHQHPRHQ��SDUHQW�RI� MXQLRU�,%�VWXGHQW�$QQD�4XHQHPRHQ��´6KH�JHWV�DW�OHDVW�DQ�KRXU�RI�VOHHS�HDFK� QLJKW³,� ZRXOGQ·W� FDOO� WKDW� ¶IRUJHWWLQJ�KRZ�WR�VOHHS�·µ�����1RQHWKHOHVV��DGPLQLVWUDWRUV�KDYH�KLJK�KRSHV�for their plans to reteach the idea of sleep to
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Junior Katie Waldrip struggles to copy a work-sheet. Her di%culties are not unique for "rst-year teacher’s assistants. Photo by Hutton Sutherland
Working in the early morning hours, senior Emma Downey works on her homework. Future IB stu-dents can look forward to ‘sleepology 101’ begin-ning fall of 2036.
Starting next school year, Sun-
set High School will be offering
DQ� ,QWHUQDWLRQDO� %DFFDODXUHDWH��,%��3K\VLFDO�(GXFDWLRQ� FODVV�� ,W�will be mandatory for all students
to take and pass the class in order
WR�JUDGXDWH� The course will include a boot
camp unit to get the students into
VKDSH��6WXGHQWV�ZLOO�DOVR�KDYH�WR�swim through a tank of electric
eels, along with participating in
SDUNRXU�DQG�]XPED�� � � � �´=XPED�VRXQGV�NLQG�RI� IXQ�EXW�,�GRQ·W�NQRZ�DERXW�WKH�UHVW�µ�VD\V�MXQLRU�'DQLHO�%DH��´,�ZRXOG�rather eat an eel than swim with
RQH�µ�����$V�D�ÀQDO�UHTXLUHPHQW�DW�WKH�end of each semester, each stu-
dent will be expected to complete
DQ�REVWDFOH�FRXUVH��7KH�FRPSOH[-
ities of these courses will be in-
spired by the hit television show
´:LSHRXW�µ To some parents, this seemed
like an extreme change to the
JUDGXDWLRQ� UHTXLUHPHQWV�� 7KH�issue was discussed at a school
board meeting shortly before it
was voted in as a new installment
RI�6XQVHW·V�3(�SURJUDP�� � � ´3DUNRXU"� &UDZOLQJ� WKURXJK�mud? Some of these things sound
more like military boot camp ac-
tivities than activities for a high
school PE class,” says a Sunset
SDUHQW��´,�KHDUG�WKDW� WKH\·UH�DOVR�going to make students eat mag-
JRWV�OLNH�LQ�¶)HDU�)DFWRU·�LQ�RUGHU�WR�EXLOG�FKDUDFWHU�µ While board members denied
WKH�´)HDU�)DFWRUµ�UXPRU��WKH\�GLG�DUJXH�IRU�LPSOHPHQWLQJ�DQ�,%�3(�class, stating that the way to make
$PHULFD�D�KHDOWKLHU�FRXQWU\�LV�WR�VWDUW�DW�VFKRRO�� � � � � ´7KLV�ZLOO� NHHS�RXU�NLGV� LQ�shape, which will also be bene-
ÀFLDO� WR� WKHLU� DFDGHPLF� SHUIRU-mance,” says PE teacher Kevin
/RYLQJV��´:H�DOO�NQRZ�NLGV�QHHG�some physical outlet in order to
NHHS�WKHLU�KHDGV�RQ�µ�����$GGLWLRQDO�DUJXPHQWV�LQFOXGH�that it would help with student
discipline and help the students
ERQG�ZLWK�HDFK�RWKHU������,%�3(�ZLOO�EH�D�\HDU�ORQJ�FODVV��,W�ZLOO�EH�DYDLODEOH�WR�WDNH�GXULQJ�DQ\�IRXU�\HDUV�RI�D�VWXGHQW·V�HGX-
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Hannah Dodge
Flash Gordon
Shreyans Khunteta
Deadpool
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said Goldberg in the viral video
´,QQRFHQFH�RI�$PHULFDQV�µ� ´<RX�can go down to a gun show at the
local convention center and come
away with a fully automatic as-
sault rifle without a background
check and most likely without an
LGHQWLILFDWLRQ� FDUG�� 6R� ZKDW� DUH�you waiting for?”
�����$O�4DHGD�KDV�PDGH�VWDWHPHQWV�WKDW� LPSO\� VXSSRUW� RI� WKH� 15$�LQ� WKH� SDVW�� $IWHU� DQ� $PHULFDQ�VFKRRO�VKRRWLQJ��$O�4DHGD�WZHHW-HG�� ´%DFNLQJ� 15$� ������ &KLO-dren die all the time, but guns last
�HYHU��3UDLVH�$OODK�µ� Goldberg stated that in the
PDMRULW\�RI�WKH�0LGGOH�(DVW��SDU-ticularly Egypt, much of the pop-
ulation live in fear of the govern-
ment monitoring them, executing
them or robbing them of their
SURSHUW\������´:H�VXSSRUW�WKH�15$�EHFDXVH�you cannot trust the government
WR� SURWHFW� \RX�� 7KH� JRYHUQPHQW�is controlled by secular Zionist
bloodsuckers who do not truly
care for the people,” stated Gold-
EHUJ�� � ´:LWKRXW� RXU� JXQV�� ZH�would never be able to protect
ourselves from the Jewish impe-
ULDOLVWV�µ����$O�4DHGD�DQG�LWV�DIILOLDWHV�KDYH�a long history of being vocal op-
ponents of big government and
of bemoaning increasing secu-
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nization has often expressed its
RSLQLRQV�ZLWK� WKH� XVH� RI� EXOOHWV������������������������$O�4DHGD� DFNQRZOHGJHV� WKDW� UH-
ceiving such weapons so easi-
ly and simply could never have
come to be without the aid of the
15$·V� SXVK� IRU� OLEHUDO� JXQ� ODZV�LQ�WKH�8QLWHG�6WDWHV�� � Goldberg said that he and oth-
HU�$O�4DHGD�PHPEHUV�ZHOFRPH�D�long and cooperative relationship
between the two organizations
later in the future, emphasizing
WKH� IDFW� WKH� 15$� DQG� $O�4DHGD�DUH�QRW�VR�GLIIHUHQW������´:H�ERWK�DUH�DJDLQVW�WKH�LGHD�of government interfering in the
lives of the people and corpora-
tions, we both are highly against
the secularization of society, we
both wish to bring the word of
God back to the people and we
ERWK� ZLVK� WR� UHWDLQ� RXU� JXQV�� ,�see no need to continue being
enemies,” said Goldberg of the
15$��� � � � � ´7KH� 15$� DOVR� VXSSRUWV� XV�and we expect a cooperative and
fruitful partnership between the
ERWK�RI�XV�� ,Q� IDFW��ZH�DUH�JRLQJ�to have a meeting together this
6HSWHPEHU�µAl-Qaeda gun enthusiasts gather to discuss their brand new weapons. Al-Qaeda has o%cially announced its support of the NRA. ����������������������������������������Iahmh�\hnkm^lr�h_�_k^]ob]Ze'Ûe^l'phk]ik^ll'
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Check out our website!www.thesunsetscroll.com
And follow us on Twitter!
@theshsscroll
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Bryce Patel
Professor X
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OLFDQV� DQG� 'HPRFUDWV� ÀQDOO\� FDPH� XS�with a bipartisan answer to the current
HFRQRPLF� LVVXHV�� 7KH\� FRQFOXGHG� WKDW�antidepressants were a much better solu-
tion to the dire economic situation than
VSHQGLQJ�FXWV�DQG�VWLPXOXV�SDFNDJHV������´,·P�KDSS\�ZH�ÀQDOO\�IRXQG�D�VROX-
tion supported not only by both par-
ties, but by the pharmaceutical lobby as
ZHOO�µ�VDLG�3UHVLGHQW�%DUDFN�2EDPD�� The bill will make the antidepressant
Prozac available over the counter rather
than only through prescription, allowing
PRUH�SHRSOH�WR�JDLQ�DFFHVV�WR�WKH�GUXJ� Proponents of the bill claim it will
help stimulate the economy, but others
claim the government is pandering to big
pharmaceutical corporations by increas-
LQJ�WKH�DYDLODELOLW\�RI�PHGLFDO�GUXJV�� � � �´7KLV�ELOO�GRHVQ·W�XQIDLUO\� IDYRU�ELJ�businesses over consumers,” said House
0DMRULW\� /HDGHU� -RKQ� %RHKQHU�� ´7KH�consumers get their drugs and the com-
panies get their money, so everyone
ZLQV�µ The bill will be funded by an increase
in federal taxes for people of all income
EUDFNHWV�� 7KLV� PRQH\� ZLOO� EH� XVHG� WR�JLYH� $PHULFDQ� FLWL]HQV� ORZ�LQWHUHVW�loans which they can use to purchase
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A!er receiving a massive government loan to pay for her medication, junior Anamika Vaughan prepares to take her daily dose of Prozac. Prozac was made available over the counter on March 15.
Photo by Haily Hargrave
Sharada Menon
He-Man
Last Friday, older white males
took to the streets to protest in-
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tion-wide rallies to bring atten-
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FOXGLQJ� 0U�� 5RJHUV�� &OLQW� (DVW-ZRRG� DQG� -XVWLQ�%HLEHU·V� IDWKHU��cite the rise of affirmative action
for minorities as the cause of the
growing hatred against the
PDMRULW\�� � � � � � ´,W·V� UHDOO\� GLIILFXOW� WR� GHDO�with the anger that is directed
at me and other rich, respected
&DXFDVLDQ� PDOHV�µ� VD\V� *,5/�FR�IRXQGHU�5\DQ�0RRUH��´,�FDQ·W�even cry about it because of op-
SUHVVLYH�PDOH�JHQGHU�UROHV�µ� Police officers have targeted
picketers, claiming to be unable
to stand the rhythmless songs
ULRWHUV� VLQJ�� 1R� VHULRXV� LQMXULHV�have been reported, but doctors
have observed increased amounts
RI�ZKLQLQHVV�LQ�SURWHVWHUV� Leaders of the anti-white-
male-hate movement use protest
songs and dances to express their
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Protesters hope to bring
awareness about the emotional
harm that racist comments and
positive racial stereotyping can
have, especially on grown white
PDOHV��$PRQJ�*,5/·V�PDLQ�FRP-
plaints is the immense pressure
to achieve placed on privileged
&DXFDVLDQ�PHQ����� � � � � ´:H� KDYH� VR�PXFK� SUHVVXUH�WR�DWWDLQ�SHUIHFWLRQ��DQG�ZH�FDQ·W�blame failure on sexism or rac-
LVP��3HRSOH�MXVW�GRQ·W�XQGHUVWDQG�the difficulties and extreme chal-
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Kevin Barry and Ben Hughes, two old Caucasian males, picket for their rights. $e Gen-tlemen’s International Right’s League (GIRL) have organized protests across America.Photo by Haily Hargrave
�����7KH�,QFUHGLEOH�+XON�LV�NQRZQ�DV�D�VWURQJ�LQGLYLGXDO�ZKR�FDQ�FUXVK�DQ\�REMHFW�or person standing in his way, but who exactly is this bold person during the day?
,W·V�QRQH�RWKHU�WKDQ�6XQVHW·V�YHU\�RZQ�3(�WHDFKHU�.HYLQ�/RYLQJV������´,�KDYH�DOZD\V�NHSW�P\�VXSHUKHUR�DELOLWLHV�D�VHFUHW�EHFDXVH�,�GLGQ·W�ZDQW�WR�LQWLPLGDWH�WKH�SHRSOH�DURXQG�PH�µ�VDLG�/RYLQJV��´,·P�KHUH�WR�KHOS�HYHU\RQH��QRW�WR�PDNH�WKHP�IHHO�LQIHULRU�µ�����/RYLQJV�XWLOL]HV�PRVW�RI�KLV�VXSHUKHUR�DELOLWLHV�ZKHQ�KH�LV�RXW�ÀJKWLQJ�FULPH��+H�has faced many villains and troubled students in his lifetime, but there are always
VRPH�HYHQWV�WKDW�PDNH�EHLQJ�D�VXSHUKHUR�ZRUWKZKLOH������´2QH�RI�WKH�PRVW�LQWHUHVWLQJ�VLWXDWLRQV�WKDW�,·YH�HQFRXQWHUHG�ZDV�ZKHQ�WKHUH�ZDV�D�KLJK�VSHHG�FDU�FKDVH�RQ�&HGDU�+LOOV�%RXOHYDUG�µ�VDLG�/RYLQJV����������������´:KHQ�,�VDZ�WKH�FULPLQDO·V�FDU�UDFH�SDVW�PH��,�TXLFNO\�UDQ�WR�FDWFK�XS�WR�LW�DQG�PDQDJHG�WR�VWRS�WKH�FDU�ZLWK�MXVW�P\�EDUH�KDQGV�µ We all know that Lovings is a person who helps others when needed, but what
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Before the bell, science teacher Brian Kienlen beats stoichiometry into his chem-
istry students brains, but after school he takes to the skies and beats the brains out of
EDG�JX\V������$OWKRXJK�QHLWKHU�KLV�VWXGHQWV�QRU�KLV�HQHPLHV�FDQ�VHH�KLP�DV�DQ\WKLQJ�EXW�,URQ�Man, Kienlen confesses that before he invented the suit, he had another idea for his
GUHDP�UROH�DV�WHDFKHU�DQG�YLJLODQWH������´,�ZDV�JRLQJ�WR�EH�1REOH�*DV�0DQ��EXW�HYHQ�P\�ÁDWXOHQFH�GRHV�LWV�GDPDJH�RQ�the ozone layer,” said�.LHQOHQ������6RPH�RI�.LHQOHQ·V�OXFN\�VWXGHQWV�KDYH�HYHQ�KDG�WKH�FKDQFH�WR�DLG�,URQ�0DQ�LQ�KLV�FODVVURRP�KHURLFV������´2QFH�,�OHW�P\�VWXGHQWV�FRQFRFW�WKH�IXHO�IRU�-DUYLV��P\�VXLW��DV�DQ�H[SHULPHQW��EXW�,�UHDOL]HG�WKDW�ZDV�D�KXJH�PLVWDNH�ZKHQ�KH�EHJDQ�WR�ERRJLH��+H�UHDOO\�ZDV�LQ�KLV�HOHPHQW��,�PXVW�VD\�µ�said�.LHQOHQ������7R�VWXGHQWV·�GLVPD\��UXPRU�KDV�LW�WKDW�.LHQOHQ�ZLOO�KDQJ�XS�KLV�ODE�FRDW�WKLV�\HDU��3HUKDSV�KH�ZLOO�Á\�RQ�IRUHYHU�LQ�KLV�´)Hµ�PDOH�VXLW��VHHNLQJ�WKH�QH[W�DGGLWLRQ�WR�WKH�SHULRGLF�WDEOH�
2Q�VFKRRO�GD\V�0DU\�&KDPEHUODLQ�LV�MXVW�DQ�(QJOLVK�WHDFKHU�ZLWK�D�PLOG�DGGLFWLRQ�WR�VKRHV��EXW�RQ�ZHHNHQGV�DQG�HYHQLQJV�VKH�WUDQVIRUPV�LQWR�WKH�FULPH�ÀJKWLQJ�1RUGLF�JRG��7KRU� ´'HDOLQJ�ZLWK�VOHHS\�KLJK�VFKRRO�VWXGHQWV�LQ�WKH�PRUQLQJ�KDV�KHOSHG�PH�LPSURYH�P\�YLOODLQ�VPDVKLQJ�VNLOOV�DQG�YLFH�YHUVD�µ�VDLG�&KDPEHUODLQ� ,Q�FDVH�RI�DQ�HPHUJHQF\��&KDPEHUODLQ�NHHSV�KHU�PDJLFDO�KDPPHU��0MROQLU��ZLWK�KHU�LQ�WKH�FODVVURRP�DW�DOO�WLPHV� ´,�FKDQJH�WKH�FRORU�RI�0MROQLU�WR�PDWFK�P\�RXWÀWV�XVXDOO\��EXW�VRPHWLPHV�,�PL[�LW�XS��<HVWHUGD\�LW�ZDV�EURQ]H��DQG�WRGD\�LW�LV�D�OLPH�JUHHQ�µ�VDLG�&KDPEHUODLQ� %\�XVLQJ�KHU�KDPPHU�RQ�VWXGHQWV�ZLWK�PLVVLQJ�KRPHZRUN��&KDPEHUODLQ�KDV�GUDVWLFDO-O\�UHGXFHG�WKH�QXPEHU�RI�ODWH�DVVLJQPHQWV������´(YHU\RQH�LQ�WKH�FODVV�NQRZV�WKDW�0UV��&KDPEHUODLQ�LV�7KRU��,�KDYH�VHHQ�KHU�EHQFK�SUHVV�WUHDGPLOOV�DW�WKH�6XQVHW�$WKOHWLF�&OXE�µ�VDLG�IUHVKPDQ�0DF�+HIIHUQDQ��������$OWKRXJK�RQ�WKH�VXUIDFH�&KDPEHUODLQ�DSSHDUV�WR�EH�DQ�DYHUDJH�(QJOLVK�WHDFKHU��VKH�KDUERUV�D�VHFUHW�OLIH�GHIHDWLQJ�YLOODLQV�DQG�PRQVWHUV�DV�7KRU�
&KDPEHUODLQ
Kienlin
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�����6KH�OHDSV�DFURVV�D�URRIWRS�ZLWK�HQRXJK�HOHJDQFH�WR�HYRNH�WKH�MHDORXV\�RI�D�WKRXVDQG�EDOOHULQDV��KHU�WUDGHPDUN�UHG�ORFNV�WR�Á\LQJ�XS�LQ�WKH�ZLQG�OLNH�D�EULOOLDQW�KDOR��$V�WKH�%ODFN�:LGRZ³DOWHU�HJR�1DWDVKD�5RPDQRYD³JODQFHV�EDFN�WR�VHQG�XV�D�ÁLUW\�ZLQN��ZH�JHW�D�JOLPSVH�RI�KHU�IDFH�DQG³JDVS�³LW·V�QRQH�RWKHU�WKDQ�RXU�YHU\�RZQ�PDWK�WHDFKHU�5XVVHOO�/DPEDFK������´,W·V�XQIRUWXQDWH�SHRSOH�NHHS�RQ�WKLQNLQJ�WKDW�,·P�D�ZRPDQ�µ�said�/DPEDFK��´,�KDYH�D�VXVSLFLRQ�WKDW�,URQ�0DQ�VWDUWHG�LW�DV�D�MRNH��,W�SUREDEO\�GRHVQ·W�KHOS�WKDW�P\�ELUWK�FHUWLÀFDWH�VD\V�1DWDVKD��,�OLNH�WR�ZHDU�FDW�VXLWV�DQG�KDYH�D�NLOOHU�VPROGHU�ORRN�µ�����$V�D�SHUVRQ�ZLWK�JUHDW�PDWKHPDWLF�FDSDELOLWLHV��/DPEDFK�ZDV�ÀUVW�UHFUXLWHG�LQWR�VHUYLFH�GXH�WR�KLV�H[WHQVLYH�H[SHULHQFH�LQ�FDOFXOXV������´&DOFXOXV�LV�DQ�XQGHUXWLOL]HG�LQVWUXPHQW�RI�WRUWXUH�IRU�LQWHUURJDWLRQ�VHVVLRQV�µ�said�6+,(/'�GLUHFWRU�1LFN�)XU\��´$OO�1DWDVKD�KDV�WR�GR�LV�VLPSO\�DVN�WKH�VXEMHFW�WR�GHWHUPLQH�WKH�LQWHJUDO�RI�WDQJHQW�DQG�WKH�SHUVRQ�ZRXOG�VWDUW�GRLQJ�EDFNÁLSV�LI�,�DVNHG�µ By day, Lambach is an ordinary math teacher, helping students everywhere
FRQTXHU�FDOFXOXV��+RZHYHU��DV�QLJKW�GHVFHQGV��KH�GRQV�WKH�IDPRXV�EODFN�FDW�VXLW�DQG�XWLOLW\�EHOW��HPHUJLQJ�IURP�6�+�,�(�/�'��KHDGTXDUWHUV�WR�ÀJKW�HYLO�RQ�EHKDOI�RI�KXPDQLW\�
�����&DSWDLQ�$PHULFD��DND�KLVWRU\�WHDFKHU�$QGUHZ�%URZQ��OHDSV�IHDUOHVVO\�LQWR�battle with ferocious enemies and braves his brainless students with his signature
EDWWOH�FU\��´·0HULFD�µ Both as teacher and megasoldier, Brown has remained patriotic through and
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fortable, but now it adds an extra spring to my step,” said�%URZQ�Brown has been able to bridge the gap between superhero and superteacher with
KLV�LQWHUDFWLYH�GHPRQVWUDWLRQV������´,�KDYH�EDVHG�ZKROH�FODVVHV�RII�RI�P\�H[SHULHQFHV�LQ�WKH�EDWWOHV�RI�WKH�:RUOG�:DUV��7KH�VWXGHQWV�HVSHFLDOO\�HQMR\�P\�EORZ�E\�EORZ�UHHQDFWPHQWV��EXW�,·YH�been running out of volunteers lately,” said�%URZQ������7KH�KLVWRU\�WHDFKHU·V�PRWWR��´6WD\�WUXH�WR�WKH�UHG��ZKLWH�DQG�EOXH��DQG�ZDWFK�out for onesie wedgies,” remains his inspiration both in lectures during class and
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LQJ�WR�FRQIURQW�WKRVH�ZKR�DWWHPSW�WR�VXEYHUW�MXVWLFH�LQ�WKH�KDOOV�RI�6XQVHW��$FFRUGLQJ�to a widely believed rumor, she is secretly the superhero Hawkeye, known for mem-
EHUVKLS�LQ�WKH�MXVWLFH�FRQJORPHUDWH�NQRZQ�DV�´7KH�$YHQJHUV�µ ´3HUVRQDOO\��,·P�FRQYLQFHG��6KH·V�MXVW�WRR�JRRG�QRW�WR�EH�+DZNH\H�µ�VDLG�VRSKR-
PRUH�/DXUD�*URVKDQV������6KH�KDV�QHYHU�DOORZHG�DQ�RIIHQGHU�WR�HVFDSH��7KLV�LQFUHGLEOH�VXFFHVV�UDWH�FRXOG�RQO\�EH�DFKLHYHG�WKURXJK�+DZNH\H�HVTXH�DELOLWLHV� ´6KH�DEVROXWHO\�PXVW�EH�+DZNH\H��,�NQRZ�HYHU\WKLQJ�DERXW�DOO�VXSHUKHURHV��DQG�VKH�VKRZV�DOO�RI�WKH�VLJQV�µ�VDLG�VHQLRU�6WHYHQ�$UPHV� 0UV��%DWVHOO�XQZLWWLQJO\�UHYHDOHG�KHU�WUDLQLQJ�RQ�VHYHUDO�GLIIHUHQW�RFFDVLRQV��DQG�multiple instances in which she acted beyond normal human capacity to apprehend
YLRODWRUV�KDYH�EHHQ�UHFRUGHG��(OHYDWHG�VHQVHV��REWDLQHG�WKURXJK�ULJRURXV�WUDLQLQJ��DUH�WKH�NH\�WR�%DWVHOO·V�HIIHFWLYHQHVV� ´,�ZDV�EHKLQG�WKH�VFKRRO�TXLHWO\�KROGLQJ�KDQGV�ZLWK�P\�JLUOIULHQG�DQG�VKH�VRPHKRZ�FDXJKW�XV���+RZ�GLG�VKH�NQRZ�ZH�ZHUH�WKHUH"�6KH�PXVW�KDYH�ÀQHO\�WXQHG�LQVWLQFWV�µ�VDLG�VHQLRU�%UDGHQ�0DUWLQH]�
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Which Sunset sports team had the most
VXFFHVVIXO� VHDVRQ� WKLV� \HDU"� ,W� LVQ·W� WKH�swim team, as many would think, it was
WKH�ZRPHQ·V�EDVNHWEDOO�VTXDG�ZLWK�D�SHU-IHFW�ILQDO�UHFRUG����´:H�DUH�DEVROXWHO\�HFVWDWLF�WKDW�ZH�ZHUH�able to give a dominating performance
every night on the court,” said sophomore
.LQVOH\�5RZDQ��´(YHU\�JDPH��WKH�EOHDFK-
HUV� ZHUH� MDP�SDFNHG� ZLWK� VWXGHQWV�� DQG�we were able to feed off the energy of the
FURZG�µ��7KH�ZRPHQ·V�WHDP�ZDV�WKH�ZDWHU�FRROHU�WRSLF� DW� 6XQVHW� DOO� VHDVRQ� ORQJ�� 6WXGHQWV�KDG� D� ORW� WR� VD\� DERXW� WKH�ZRPHQ·V� WHDP�because the games were so intense and
IXQ�WR�ZDWFK���´,�ZHQW�WR�HYHU\�JDPH�WKLV�VHDVRQ�µ�VDLG�MXQLRU� 'RP�%ODFN�� ´7KH� JLUOV� DUH� VR� WDO-ented at basketball and the team is so
DPD]LQJ�� ,W� LV� MXVW� D� WKULOO� WR� ZDWFK� JUHDW�EDVNHWEDOO�µ The team attributes their dominating
performances to their scoring ability,
lockGRZQ�GHIHQVH�DQG�LQWLPLGDWLQJ�SOD\���´$OO�WKH�JLUOV�ZRUNHG�KDUG�QRW�MXVW�GXULQJ�the season, but also during last summer
DQG� WKH� RII� VHDVRQ�µ� VDLG� MXQLRU� 0DND\OD�$OWRQ�� � ´$� ORW� RI� WKH� JLUOV� ZHQW� LQ� WKH� ZHLJKW�room to build more muscle so we could
EH�VHULRXV�FRPSHWLWRUV�IRU�VWDWH�SOD\RIIV�µ� �$IWHU� D� SHUIHFW� UHJXODU� VHDVRQ�� WKH� WHDP�now looks to cap it off with a state cham-
SLRQVKLS�� :LQQLQJ� QHYHU� JRHV� XQQRWLFHG��and it is rumored that several scouts from
%D\ORU� DQG�6WDQIRUG�8QLYHUVLWLHV�KDYH�DW-WHQGHG�JDPHV�� � ´,� DP� UHDOO\� H[FLWHG� WKDW� D� ORW� RI� VFRXWV�from big-name schools have taken the
WLPH�WR�FKHFN�XV�RXW�µ�VDLG�5RZDQ��´,W�PR-
tivates me even more to play harder and
JHW�WKH�ZLQ�µ� � +RZ� VXFFHVVIXO� ZLOO� WKH� QH[W� ZRPHQ·V�season go after such a perfect year? The
answer will have to wait for another year,
� � ´*HQGHU�)OLS� LQ� WKH�&LW\µ� LV� WKH�RIILFLDO�WKHPH� RI� 6XQVHW·V� 3URP� LQ� ������7KH� LP-
age of such a daring prom took Sunset by
storm when the idea was originally turned
down by school administrators, turning
once normal students into a rabid pack of
KXPDQ�ULJKWV�DFWLYLVWV�� �0HPEHUV�RI�$PQHVW\� ,QWHUQDWLRQDO�ZHUH�among the first to speak up about the
HTXDOLW\�EUHDFK��6WXGHQWV�ZHUH�VR�DGDPDQW�about the issue that they took to the halls
IRU�VRPH�ROG�IDVKLRQHG�SLFNHW�ULRWLQJ�� � ´+RQHVWO\�� ,� ZDV� MXVW� LQ� LW� IRU� WKH� SKR-
WR�RS�µ�VDLG�MXQLRU�$QQD�4XHQHPRHQ��´,W·V�FDOOHG�¶SLFNHWLQJ·��LW·V�OLNH�¶SODQNLQJ�·�EXW�WKLV�LV�D�ORW�PRUH�LQWHQVH�µ Students took their picketing all the
ZD\�WR�WKH�PDLQ�RIILFH��ZKHUH����ER\V�DQG�JLUOV� FDPSHG� RXW� IRU� ��� VFKRRO� GD\V�� HDW-LQJ� RQO\� IURP� WKH� XSSHU� FRPPRQV·� YHQG-
LQJ� PDFKLQHV�� 2Q� 0DUFK� ��� ����� WKUHH�teenagers went into fits of hysteria due to
lack of FRPSOHWLQJ�VFKRRO�ZRUN�� � � ´,·YH� QHYHU� VHHQ� DQ\WKLQJ� TXLWH� OLNH� LW�beIRUH�µ� VDLG� $VVLVWDQW� 3ULQFLSDO� &KULV�%LFN�
´,W�ZDV� DOPRVW� DV� VKRFNLQJ� DV� DQ� HSLVRGH�RI�¶7KH�5HDO�+RXVHZLYHV�RI�$WODQWD�µ� �$W� WKH� KHLJKW� RI� WKH� XQUHVW��2UHJRQ�=RR�officials were called to the scene in an
effort to coax the wild teens down from
FODVVURRP� OLJKW� IL[WXUHV�� 1R� RQH� ZDV� LQ-
MXUHG� GXULQJ� WKH� LQFLGHQW�� DQG� RQO\� WZR�students were referred to a local psychi-
DWULVW�� �$Q� DQQRXQFHPHQW� RYHU� WKH� LQWHUFRP� UH-
instating the gender flip prom theme was
a result of the pressure felt by administra-
WRUV�� 7KH� RYHUKHDG� DQQRXQFHPHQW� ODVWHG�ten minutes and caused concern school-
ZLGH�� � ´:H� GLGQ·W� UHDOL]H� WKH� LQWHUFRP�ZDV� RQ�for so long before we actually addressed
the school, and we are really sorry for any-
WKLQJ�\RX�PLJKW�KDYH�KHDUG�µ�VD\V�%LFN����� � $ORQJ� ZLWK� WKH� $PQHVW\� ,QWHUQDWLRQDO�NLGV�� MXQLRU� DQG� VHQLRU� ER\V� OHG� WKH� SROOV�in supporting the gender switch theme,
IROORZHG�E\�VRSKRPRUH�ER\V�� � ´6RPHWLPHV� \RX� IHHO� OLNH� GUHVVLQJ� XS�and looking your best, and sometimes you
MXVW�IHHO�OLNH�ZHDULQJ�D�GUHVV�µ�VDLG�MXQLRU�Gabe 'XPDQ�
6XQVHW�ZRPHQ·V�EDVNHWEDOO�JRHV�XQGHIHDWHGMacklin Turnquist
Captain Underpants
/HDGHUVKLS�DQQRXQFHV�6XQVHW·V�3URP�WKHPH��JHQGHU�ÁLSJenny Fessler
Barnacle Boy
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Eager for Prom, senior Emma Downey and junior Dylan Vazquez show o# their gender-bending duds. “Gender Flip in the City” will be the theme this year.
Photo by Hutton Sutherland
With emphatic gestures, sophomore Kinsley Rowan and junior Natalie Valent boast of their season. The girl’s team ended with a perfect record.
Photo by Hutton Sutherland
6FUROO�6WDII
Co-Editors in ChiefAmy Morales-Amy Wang
News EditorAnamika Vaughan
Opinion/Editorial EditorMady Coughlin
Features EditorAnna Kemper
Entertainment EditorAlex Groshans
Sports & Activities EditorsMacklin Turnquist-Natalie Valent
Double Truck EditorAnna Kemper
Photo EditorHutton Sutherland
Copy EditorsBryce Patel-Jenny Fessler
Design TeamAnna Kemper-Olivia Kramer-Jake Peden
Sta! WritersHannah Dodge-Soraya Go-Shreyans Khunteta-Jake Peden-Sage Steineke-
Amelia Turnquist
Sta! PhotographerHaily Hargrave
AdviserEloika Rozendaal
Editorial Policy!e Scroll is written by the students of the Pub-lications class. It is edited by an editorial board who makes all content-related decisions and is responsible for all material appearing in !e Scroll. !e opinions presented in !e Scroll do not nessecarily represent the position of the en-tire sta", Sunset High School, or the Beaverton School District. As a public forum for student epression, !e Scroll welcomes letters to the ed-itor and comments on articles, but reserves the right to revise inappropriate letters and com-ments. All letters and comments must be signed
and may be edited for length, accuracy and clarity.
Just last week in a live performance gone horri-
bly wrong, it was revealed that the beautiful voic-
HV�RI�6XQVHW·V�0DGULJDOV�DUH�QRWKLQJ�EXW�D�KRD[��The well-dressed teens were standing before a
SULYDWH� DXGLHQFH� SUHSDULQJ� WR� EHJLQ�ZKHQ� MXQLRU�Meredith Waggoner sneezed, and her solo began
ZLWKRXW�KHU���)DFLQJ�FULWLFLVP��:DJRQQHU�UHVSRQG-
HG�GHIHQVLYHO\����´0\�DELOLW\�WR�VQHH]H�DQG�VLQJ�DW�WKH�VDPH�WLPH�LV�SXUH�WDOHQW��QRW�D�KRD[�µ�VDLG�:DJJRQHU�� � � � �$IWHU� WKH� LQLWLDO� LQFLGHQW��:DJJRQHU·V� IHOORZ�Madrigals tried to help cover it up with their own
voices but it only ended up worsening the situa-
tion as their backup track began a moment after
WKH\�GLG��7KH�ZKROH�HYHQW�ZDV�D�FDWDVWURSKH��EXW�WKDW� KDVQ·W� VWRSSHG� WKH� 0DGULJDOV� IURP� GHQ\LQJ�WKH�OLS�V\QF�DFFXVDWLRQV���� � �´0U��5XVW�KDV�GHGLFDWHG�PDQ\�KRXUV�WR�WUDLQ-
ing us Madrigals in the ability of duplicating our
voices and we will not have him embarrassed by
WKHVH�ULGLFXORXV�OLS�V\QF�UXPRUV�µ�VDLG�:DJJRQHU� Hard-core Madrigal fans have had polar oppo-
VLWH�UHDFWLRQV�WR�WKLV�ILDVFR��6RPH��OLNH�MXQLRU�.\OD�
Jarka, were so devastated that they were driven to
WKH�SRLQW�RI�WHDUV�����´,�FULHG�IRU�D�ZHHN�DQG�WRUH�GRZQ�DOO�RI�P\�SRVW-HUV�µ�VDLG�-DUND��´+RZ�FRXOG�WKH\�GR�WKLV�WR�PH"µ�����$V�RI�WRGD\�-DUND�KDV�RIILFLDOO\�UHQRXQFHG�KHU�fanaticism for The Madrigals and is in search of a
QHZ�FKRLU�WR�ZRUVKLS�����´,·P�WKLQNLQJ�WKH�ZRPHQ·V�FKRLU�PD\�EH�ZRU-thy, though the name may not look as cool on the
SRVWHUV�LQ�P\�URRP�µ�VDLG�-DUND������2Q�WKH�RWKHU�KDQG��WKHUH�DUH�DOVR�D�KDQGIXO�RI�die-hard Madrigal fans that refuse to believe the
claims and have even begun sporting t-shirts and
WDWWRRV�ZLWK�VD\LQJV�VXFK�DV�´0DG�IRU�WKH�0DGUL-JDOVµ�DQG�´:KDW�ZHUH�\RX�WKLQNLQJ"�7KH\�ZHUHQ·W�OLS�V\QFLQJ�µ���� �´7KH�0DGULJDOV�DUH�P\�OLIH��WKH\�ZRXOG�QHYHU�OLS� V\QF�� ,� MXVW� NQRZ� LW�µ� VDLG� MXQLRU�$XVWLQ�/LQ-
QHOO� With all the controversy flying around, the
0DGULJDOV� DSSHDU� WR� EH� O\LQJ� ORZ� IRU� D� ZKLOH��7KHLU�PDQDJHU�LV�DOORZLQJ�QR�IXUWKHU�LQWHUYLHZV�
0DGULJDOV�GLVFRYHUHG�OLS�V\QFLQJ�Sage Steineke
She-Ra
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Sunset’s Madrigals appear to “singing” happily in this pre-scandal photo. Ever since the accident occurred the Mad-rigals have refused to be photographed. Photo by Hutton Sutherland
6XQVHW�,QGLYLGXDOV
Twins Cole and Jordan Hurwitz
recently claimed that their best
friend senior Tucker Hutchinson’s
revolutionary and new socially in-
teractive website was originally
their idea that he stole from them.
Although the twins, both seniors,
clearly lack the skills necessary to
build up the website’s popularity to
the degree Hutchinson has, they are
taking it to court and are planning
to sue for at least 60 million dollars.
� � � � � ³:H� WKRXJKW� RI� LW� ¿UVW�´� VDLG�Jordan Hurwitz. “We deserve that
amount of money. It is a small price
to pay considering the amount of
emotional troubles we’ve gone
WKURXJK�VLQFH�KH�VWROH�RXU�LGHD�´ Nothing is going well for the
twins; this could have been their
¿UVW� OXFN\� EUHDN� LQ� OLIH� EXW� LW�ZDV�squandered by Hutchinson.
The Hurwitz twins even reported
the theft to the Dean at the Univer-
sity of Pennsylvania, but he would
not listen and told them to just wor-
ry about swimming and academics.
“Needless to say we are ex-
WUHPHO\� IUXVWUDWHG�´� VDLG� &ROH�Hurwitz. “This website could have
been our big boost because with-
out it we have literally nothing
going for us. Come to think of it,
maybe we should demand more
money in the lawsuit to keep us
DIORDW�´� � Even the twins have used the
website that Hutchinson created to
socialize with their friends online.
The twins are trying to stir up a fan
base on the site to boycott people
from using the website that could
have been theirs.
“I can’t believe these guys
KDYH�SUR¿OHV�RQ�P\�ZHEVLWH�´�VDLG�Hutchinson. “First, they claim the
idea was theirs which is bogus, then
WKH\�¿OH�D�KXJH�ODZVXLW�DJDLQVW�PH�and now they joined the site? What
madness is this? What is the next
thing they are going to do, ask to
EH�IULHQGV�DJDLQ"´ At the moment, the situation is
quite tense between the twins and
Hutchinson. Whether or not the
twins will be granted the lawsuit,
DQG�¿QDOO\�EH�DEOH�WR�PRYH�RQ�IURP�their troubles, remains to be seen.
Macklin Turnquist
Captain Underpants
Hurwitz twins point "ngers at their friend Tucker Hutchinson, accusing him of stealing their social media idea. $e twins will take Hutchinson to court in a mul-timillion dollar lawsuit.
Photo by Hutton Sutherland
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The classic beauty, the evident kindness, and the angelic voice, it’s no surprise that senior Katelyn Heywood is more than she claims to be. Due to the compiled evidence, it has been concluded that Heywood is, in fact, Snow White. “To be honest I’m not surprised,” says se-nior Ali Riley. “At first I thought it was just her being a Mormon, but I wouldn’t even be surprised if her little sister Jamie was actu-ally one of her dwarves.” Several extraordinary events have been reported from multiple Sunset students throughout this year. The events were scarce in the beginning, but as the year continued they became increasingly common. “Katelyn usually drives herself to school but she needed me to pick her up one morning,” says senior Amy Davis. “When I got to her house there were about a dozen deer in her backyard. I was so confused.” Suspicions arose once again in Novem-ber, when Heywood left class, claiming to be in need of the restroom. When she didn’t return, a concerned classmate went looking for her. “It wasn’t sickness, it wasn’t constipation,
it was Katelyn in the courtyard with fifty birds,” says senior Ryan Pfeifer. “She was singing to them.” When discovered, Heywood disregarded any claims that her behavior was unortho-dox. However, she came clean with her true
identity after the most recent incident in February on Valentine’s Day. “I left my room for five minutes, just five minutes and when I came back I almost had a heart attack because there were dozens of rats sitting on my desk,” says choir director Chris Rust. “Of course there was Katelyn, trying to calm me down, reassuring that they were only there to help clean my messy desk.” After recovering from shock, Rust confronted Heywood, asking her if there was anything she needed to share. Her true identity was revealed, along with the dis-covery that she was in fact seeking refuge in Portland after a narrow escape from her evil mother. “I tried so hard to fit in, but I can’t help how magical I am,” says Heywood. “I guess animals are my thing.” A vote was taken and it was agreed by all that Heywood would be allowed to stay, as long as she would keep her wild life un-der control. However, in order to maintain her safety, Heywood will be moving to BYU Idaho come next fall, where she will spend the next years of her happily ever after.
Soraya Go
Jak-Jak
+H\ZRRG�UHYHDOHG�WR�EH�6QRZ�:KLWH�LQ�KLGLQJ
.ORFNH�ULG�RI�IODZOHVV�WUDQVFULSW��DFFHSWV�D�%Hannah Dodge
Flash Gordon
�����6XQVHW�+LJK�6FKRRO�VRSKRPRUH�.DL�.ORFNH�UHFHLYHG�KLV�¿UVW�HYHU�B letter grade on his progress report on March 8, 2013. Klocke made
the shocking discovery when advisors handed grades out, marking
the halfway point of the school year’s third quarter.
When asked what class the B was earned in, Klocke simply looked
GRZQ�DW�WKH�JURXQG��OHDYLQJ�XV�ZLWK�D�³QR�FRPPHQW�´�$Q�DQRQ\PRXV�tipper, later revealed to be Cina Rad, Klocke’s school peer and good
IULHQG��FRQ¿UPHG�WKDW�WKH�LPSHUIHFW�PDUN�ZDV�LQ�IDFW�HDUQHG�LQ�KHDOWK�class.
“It’s not too bad I guess, I mean everyone gets a B sometime don’t
WKH\"´�VDLG�.ORFNH�KHVLWDQWO\�LQ�D�GLIIHUHQW�LQWHUYLHZ�DWWHPSW��³2K��who am I kidding? I just wish I could go back in time and redo it,
EXW�SHRSOH�ZKR�JHW�%V�DUHQ¶W�VPDUW�HQRXJK�WR�EXLOG�D�WLPH�PDFKLQH�´ No longer referred to as a genius, Klocke’s teachers also seem
VXUSULVHG�WR�KHDU�RI�WKLV�ÀDZ�LQ�WKH�*3$�RI�RQH�RI�WKHLU�VWDU�SXSLOV�
When asked for her response on the news of her brother, Zia
Klocke, older sister and junior, agreed that it truly was uncharacter-
istic of Kai to have such a drastic dip in academic performance. But
VKH�ZDV�TXLFN�WR�KLJKOLJKW�WKH�EHQH¿WV�RI�WKH�VLWXDWLRQ����� �³.QRZLQJ�.DL��KH�ZLOO�ZDQW�WR�GR�WKH�,%�GLSORPD��*HWWLQJ�D�%�this year as a sophomore is only preparing him for the inevitable as a
junior. He should think of it as just skipping a step and being ahead
RI�WKH�JDPH�´�VDLG�=LD�.ORFNH� Rumors are spreading throughout the halls of Sunset about the
incident. Many students believe this less-than-perfect mark will be a
one-time occurrence, but some predict that Kai Klocke is headed into
a downward spiral of bad grades.
Since Kai Klocke’s B-Day, he’s been spotted in his room, bur-
ied under a fortress of textbooks and listening to Khan Academy
on repeat.
6XQVHW�,QGLYLGXDOV
Heywood serenades a little friend of hers in the court-yard during lunch. Katie enjoys spending her free time interacting with the local animals.
Photo by Hutton Sutherland
�����$OWKRXJK�PDQ\�SHRSOH�VXVSHFWHG�SK\VLFV�teacher Shannon Schilling to be a secret under-
ground rapper, his sudden callback as a sound
effects guy for a new animated series took most
E\�VXUSULVH������´,W�DOO�MXVW�VWDUWHG�ZLWK�PH�GRLQJ�ZHHNO\�SHU-IRUPDQFHV�LQ�3RUWODQG��7KH�DXGLHQFH�VHHPHG�WR�DSSUHFLDWH�P\�VLFN�UK\PHV�µ�VD\V�6FKLOOLQJ��´,�JHQHUDOO\�MXVW�UDSSHG�DERXW�WKH�MRXUQH\�RI�P\�voice through the circuitry of the sound sys-
WHP�µ�����6FKLOOLQJ�GLGQ·W�OLPLW�KLPVHOI�WR�MXVW�UDSSLQJ�DERXW�IDVFLQDWLQJ�SK\VLFV�WRSLFV��'XULQJ�RQH�UHFHQW�SHUIRUPDQFH�KH�UHYHDOHG�D�QHZ�WDOHQW������´,�GHFLGHG�WR�LQFRUSRUDWH�P\�RZQ�VRXQG�HIIHFWV�LQWR�WKH�O\ULFV��7KH�DXGLHQFH�LPPHGL-DWHO\�ORYHG�LW�µ�VD\V�6FKLOOLQJ��´7KDW·V�ZKHQ�,�WKRXJKW�XS�WKH�VWUHHW�QDPH�´6KDQ�GDZJµ��,�QHHGHG�WR�HDUQ�VWUHHW�FUHG�µ�����&DVWLQJ�GLUHFWRU�+DQN�6PDOOSDQWV�VDZ�KLV�
performance while scouting for potential
YRLFH�DFWRUV�IRU�D�QHZ�DQLPDWHG�VHULHV������´,�WROG�KLP�KH�KDG�D�ORW�RI�SRWHQWLDO��DQG�WKHQ�KH�DVNHG�PH�ZKDW�NLQG��+H�WKRXJKW�,�meant gravitational potential energy because
he was leaning over to talk to me from the
VWDJH�µ�VD\V�6PDOOSDQWV��´,W�ZDV�DFWXDOO\�TXLWH�SUHFDULRXV�µHe is expected to begin doing the sound
HIIHFWV�IRU�WKH�VKRZ��´8VH�WKH�0DVV�WLPHV�$FFHOHUDWLRQ��/XNHµ�LQ�ODWH�-XQH������´,�GLGQ·W�NQRZ�,�ZDV�WKLV�JRRG�DW�GRLQJ�VRXQG�HIIHFWV��,�JXHVV�ZKHQ�\RXU�UHSXWDWLRQ�KHDWV�XS��LW·V�ERXQG�WR�H[SDQG�DW�VRPH�SRLQW�µ�VD\V�6FKLOOLQJ������´6KDQ�GDZJµ�6FKLOOLQJ�ZLOO�FRQWLQXH�KLV�underground rapping career as his surpris-
ing sound effects career rises to inter-district
stardom, and his students will continue to be
VWXQQHG�E\�KLV�KLGGHQ�WDOHQW�
Rookie rapper Shan-dawg Schilling &ashes his sig-nature physics gang sign. He will be releasing a new album this fall called “Quantum Consciousness.”
Anamika Vaughan
Mermaid Man
2Q�6DWXUGD\��)HE�����PDWK�WHDFKHU�.\OH�'REDVKL�ZDV�ZDONLQJ�GRZQ�WKH�VWUHHW��KDLU�IORZLQJ�LQ�WKH�ZLQG�MXVW�OLNH�DQ\�RWKHU�GD\�when he was approached by a scout for Pan-
WHQH�+DLU�&DUH��7KH�VFRXW�ZDV�VR�EORZQ�DZD\�E\�'REDVKL·V�WUHVVHV�WKDW�KH�ZDV�RIIHUHG�D�MRE�DV�WKHLU�QHZ�VSRNHV�PRGHO�ULJKW�WKHQ�DQG�WKHUH������$IWHU�DFFHSWLQJ�WKH�MRE�RIIHU��'REDVKL�ZDV�ZKLVNHG�WR�3DQWHQH·V�KHDGTXDUWHUV�DQG�QRWL-ILHG�RI�WKH�GXWLHV�WKDW�KLV�MRE�HQWDLOV�������´$VLGH�IURP�WKH�VWDQGDUG�FRPPHUFLDOV�DQG�magazine advertisements, some of the more
interesting duties include flirtatiously flipping
my hair once every five minutes and having
to brush each lock one hundred times before
EHG�µ�VDLG�'REDVKL�������$IWHU�VLJQLQJ�DQ�RIILFLDO�FRQWUDFW�ZLWK�3DQWHQH��'REDVKL�ZDV�HYHQ�DVVLJQHG�DQ�DV-sistant to follow him around with a fan at all
WLPHV��� Though being a shampoo model sounds
OLNH�D�JODPRURXV�MRE��'REDVKL�IRXQG�WKDW�LW�KDV�LWV�FKDOOHQJHV��+H�KDV�WR�VSHQG�HLJKW�KRXUV�a day teaching and grading papers at school
only to return home and have to wash his hair
IRU�WKH�QH[W�VL[�RU�VHYHQ�KRXUV������´,W·V�WRXJK�ZRUN��EXW�MXVW�NQRZLQJ�WKDW�,�am making a difference in the world makes it
DOO�ZRUWK�LW�µ�VDLG�'REDVKL������,W�ZDV�UHFHQWO\�OHDNHG�WKDW�+HUEDO�(VVHQFHV�KDG�WKHLU�H\H�RQ�'REDVKL�EHIRUH�3DQWHQH�DQG�ZHUH�RXWUDJHG�ZKHQ�KH�ZDV�VFRXWHG��,Q�EDFN-
lash Herbal Essences spent the last couple of
ZHHNV�WU\LQJ�WR�SHUVXDGH�'REDVKL�WR�FDQFHO�his contract with Pantene and come work for
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company that late one night he did the un-
speakable: he picked up his electric razor and
VKDYHG�RII�HYHU\�ODVW�LQFK�RI�KDLU������´,�NQRZ�LW�ZDV�UDVK��EXW�WKH�GUDPD�ZDV�EHFRPLQJ�WRR�PXFK�WR�KDQGOH��,�FRXOGQ·W�WDNH�LW�DQ\PRUH��$W�OHDVW�QRW�QRZ�µ�VDLG�'REDVKL��´0\�KDLU�VKRXOG�EULQJ�RXW�WKH�JRRG�LQ�SHRSOH��QRW�WKH�EDG�µ�����5XPRU�KDV�LW�'REDVKL�DOUHDG\�KDV�SODQV�WR�grow out his hair again and sign with Tresem-
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Dobashi shows o# his locks in one of the latest Pantene ads. His early life struggles with dan-dru# have made him proud of the shiny tresses he has recently sported due to the shampoo swap.
Sage Steineke
She-Ra
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Photo by Hutton Sutherland
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Aquarius (January 20–February 18): Your originality will come as a shock to
everyone when you unveil your latest invention at the end of the month.
Pisces (February 19–March 20): Someone will hack into your Facebook ac-
count and reveal the secret you’ve been hiding. The upside to this messy situation
is that the revealing post will get millions of likes, making you Facebook-famous.
Aries (March 21–April 19): The person who you have been in love with for the
SDVW�FRXSOH�RI�GD\V�ZLOO�¿QDOO\�JLYH�\RX�D�FKDQFH�� Taurus (April 20–May 20): There will be many favors asked of you. Lay out
your priorities and evaluate who is worthy of your time and who isn’t.
Gemini (May 21–June 20): <RX�ZLOO�¿QDOO\�PHHW�WKH�ORYH�RI�\RXU�OLIH��EXW�LW�will happen in a dreadful location: the gym. Time to get off the couch.
Cancer (June 21–July 22): There will be an amazing party that has the power
to positively change your social status; however, your parent/guardian will not let
you attend. If you try to sneak out and go, your tires will get slashed.
Leo (July 23–August 22): Your Twitter days are numbered because your fol-
lowers are getting tired of seeing your overwhelming hashtags. The number of
followers that you currently have will slowly decrease until you have none, and
you will be irrelevant.
Virgo (August 23–September 22): Congrats! Your YouTube video will go
viral. Say hello to overnight fame and your own reality show.
Libra (September 23–October 22): This isn’t a good month for you. An over-
]HDORXV�VKRSSLQJ�WULS�ZLOO�ZLOO�PD[�RXW�\RXU�FUHGLW�FDUG��7LPH�WR�¿OH�IRU�EDQNUXSWF\� Scorpio (October 23–November 21): Someone will curse you. Every time
you go out and eat fast food, you will instantly gain 10 pounds. There is no way to
break this curse.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21): Your Hogwarts acceptance letter
ZLOO�¿QDOO\�DUULYH�LQ�WKH�PDLO��:LWK�JUHDW�ZL]DUGO\�VNLOOV�FRPH�JUHDW�UHVSRQVLELOLWLHV� Capricorn (December 22–January 19): You will construct an extraordinary
dinner for your family and friends; unfortunately, they will get vicious, uncontrollable
diarrhea the next day. Hang up your apron and go back to ordering
take-out.
Amy Morales
Black Canary
Currently, the sta# and students at Sunset are scrambling to get through their day, but they have not considered what can happen in the near future. $e month of March will bring both ups and downs.
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Mady Coughlin
Superwoman
A new law mandating all Instagram users to take pictures of their
food before they eat will be put into effect June 11, 2013. Instagram
has worked with the government to put this law into place because
of the inconsistent food posts by many users.
“We feel that the new legislation is not much of a change because
most users already post the majority of their food intake on our site,
WKLV�ODZ�MXVW�HQVXUHV�WKDW�WKH\�DUH�EHLQJ�XQYDU\LQJ�LQ�WKHLU�SRVWV�´�said an Instagram spokesperson.
Violators of the law will receive a hefty fine depending on the
time of day, amount of food and location which they neglected to
take a picture. Because of this, many Sunset students are reverting
to their old Myspace profiles, as a way to network socially in place
of Instagram.
“I forgot how cool Myspace is. Now that all of my friends and
I are back on using it to connect, it reminds me of old times. I’m
glad they made the law, actually, and I now have a new and better
ZD\�WR�FRQQHFW�ZLWK�P\�IULHQGV�RQ�WKH�LQWHUQHW�´�VDLG�VHQLRU�'HEELH�Ehfad.
� � � � �2Q� WKH� RWKHU� KDQG�� WKHUH� DUH�PDQ\�GHGLFDWHG� ,QVWDJUDP�XVHUV�who continue to use the site and are outraged by the new rules.
“Instagram just isn’t the same now that the majority of my
pictures are of food. Before it was artsy and fun to show off what I
was eating, but now that I post everything I eat it just seems like
DQ�LQYDVLRQ�RI�SULYDF\�´�VDLG�VHQLRU�/LVD�3DUN��³,�KDYH�ORVW�PRVW�RI�my followers because they are constantly bombarded with pictures
of my meals, rather than pictures of me and my friends or my
SKRWRJUDSK\�´ Instagram has decided not to comment on the reaction to the new
rule and stands by it’s new law. It is expected that Instagram will
soon become obsolete. We are now left to wonder: what will the
next hit social networking site be like, and what will be its down fall?
A group of freshmen girls use their smartphones to post Instagram photos of their lunches. Many students are preparing for the new law by getting in the habit of posting all of their meals and snacks.
Photo by Hutton Sutherland
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