the september artefacts
DESCRIPTION
Poetry spun from gentle words and spiteful menTRANSCRIPT
The September Artefacts
By Christain Pakozdi
This book was inspired by a man who others call cruel and alone, but he will always be fond memories in my heart. This is for you, Dinosaur.
I think
You came from a star
Your birth was a supernova
And i’m thinking of you
Most of the time
And how
You make me shine
I’d become a tornado
If we were to part
Ripping the land to shreds
There is more to you
Than I will ever see
I have storms inside of me
That you soften
And you are a warmth for my heart
You are the hot to my cold
And together, we make clouds
I'll never feel bad
From your words
And jabs
I have more love inside of me
Than the amount of anger
You have
In you
Don’t be
A stranger to me
Please
Life is already
Strange enough
I’ll always be
Searching for you
what about
How I feel
One of these days
I’ll feel enough pain
And shed
All my love for you
Maybe
I hope you cry as hard as you ever have
for you look heartbreakingly beautiful when you are destroyed
why do you think I lay beneath the weeping willow
Because it is lovely and tragic
and it’s leaves are like curtains
I’ll be your curtain
so cry
be destroyed
I love you, I love you, I love you
My heart reeks of whiskey
And for him
It’s not even remotely sad
I’m wailing into the night
“You piece of shit”
And I hear nothing
My face is salted and wet
He’s done more damage
Than he thought
Fleeting urgencies
Unspoken revelries
I am always on my knees
“Let me be, let me be”
I have
Sad love songs
Echoing
And repeating
In my room
All my family knows
He left me
They can tell
From the sobs
Rattling through the house
I am bridled
By pain
You drove the steel from your eyes
Right through my heart
If only you’d
Let me speak
And plead my peace
I’d never hurt you
Intentionally
Before I met you
I was the other woman
And you turned
And dashed
Those times
And I fell
For the glimmer in your eye
I once thought
No one would love me
I’m not sure
If you really did
But you made me feel alive
I wasn’t even done
Knowing you
My soul
Is in a winter
Maybe he
Was a lesson
Or maybe it’s not our time
I did everything I could
I’ll never see him again
How could this be
And the sadness stales
Inside of me
My beating heart
Stutters for you
And when I realize
I’ll never see you again
I shake
Like a leaf
You calmed my nerves
Thank you
For your presence
you can have
Your wall of models
And you can have
your lonely days
I will have
A circle of love
I wouldn’t ever be mad at you
I am better
Than anger
You took
My flame
When you left
Maybe i can find a boy
to chill with
Pass the time
Maybe if I was a different woman
We would still be
I hope you get
Everything you’ve ever wanted
My love
You’ll never convince me
I was the antagonist
I spread myself apart
For you
How long
Was I supposed to wait
For you
How much more time
Did you want me to spend
Wondering when you would be back
I’m not guilty
For wanting you
There’s an aching in my chest
Because we are done now
I was decieved by your steel eyes
I am naive
The energy of sorrow
My idea of happiness
Is the lack of sadness
All I want
Is your spark
So I can be a flame once more
Don’t make me crumple
With your back to me
Dont break me
Like they have
Please
I can feel myself
breaking
under the confusion
and i can feel my mind
straining
under the weight
of all the heartbreak
All i know
Is that I love him
and the steel in his eyes
My heart is threaded
With sadness
But he fills me with faith
He makes the pain
Okay
I want to be beaten
just so I can
Beg for it to stop
and revel in the punches
Can I just
let go tonight
While you
Give me one, two, three
And as I slouch to the floor
You shout at me
Reminding me
how dirty I am
Break me apart
colour my skin
Please
While I was busy
Not loving you
I began to love you
Anyways
I have a thudding in my heart
Fresh butterflies
Just for you
You have these eyes
I’d swim in
You can spend a little time on me
Anyday
There is no rest
For calm like this
I’ve given it all for this
The world is grey scaled
For the season
But the days
Are beautiful
Regardless
I still ache for him
And there are day’s
I would wait
For eternity
I fell heavy
But I have things at my fingertips
So i have to move along
Tragedy, your time is up
I sleep with bad men now
I prefer it if they had
Red in their eyes
and an evil smile
I never got
To watch the snow
Fall slowly
With you
And that
Splits my heart
In two
A friend of mine once told me
"if you go back to him, you'd be giving up"
Maybe
I don't mind
Giving up
My heart
Is exhausted
You had me in a feverThat was magnificentYou loved the creature I wasAnd you lovedMy hideYou touchedIt’s softnessDid weSuffocate each otherDid I notLove you the right wayI’m jonesing For you
You areMy lone wolfThe worldTurned its back on youSo you built An armyInside of youI amOf a passive racePlease removeThe exileYou placed upon me
You leave Cruel staticKnowing IWill tune inDon’t you knowThat IWorship youI’d give up my mistress waysWith a thousand menJust to spend timeWith youWhat pulled youAway from me
I fell into youEffortlesslyAnd thenFrom the molehills to the mountainsYou left meSuddenly
I remember the wayYou traced your fingersAlong your television screenWhen you pointed out to meThe patterns in the video gameAnd on that winters dayWhen the sun warmed the landJust for you and II was calm
When I snapped outOf youIt took me a secondI’m not even bitterKarma is looking For a bloodbathAnd you justBlew up On his radar
I was rightWhen I saidYou were unlovableYou didn’tDeserveMy plungeInto youYou can keep The pieces you took from meI will grow better ones
I wasWarned about youAnd I was told“leave him before he leaves you”I evaded advice
If could catch a glimpse of youagainI’d never bat an eyeI’d reinstall youInto myAnd I would never forgetAny part of youWhat do I have to doTo get you to remember Our momentsBecauseYou must have forgotIf you’re acting Like this
You haveErased meFrom youEntirelyYou areA deaf ear
This is a poemFor all the friendsWho make my heart betterAnd make the transitionFrom painA less turbulent ride
You have no friendsNo alliesI hopeThat you distract yourselfFor as long as possibleAnd when you fire upAnd blow smoke at my memoriesYou’re only delayingThe inevitableThere will be pain
The loneliness Encases meLike a grasshopperIn a glass jar
I’m not going To time travelIn my mindAnymoreYou taught meHow to growI don’t need you To miss meanymore
You were onceA lightFor meI knowWe can be happyWithout one anotherThere will beOthers
TonightI am burying my September artifactsI onceHeld it above meAnd it would shine brightFrom time to timeBut then itUnravelled meProjected all my insecurities upon meAnd thenIt shut downI could notRouse itNo matter what I didIt was just a silent thingIt will be okaySomeone elseWill discover itAnd then it will once againBe a light for someone else