VOL. 1, NO. 7 MADMINXMAG VANDEPERCK, EDITOR; TESSA WYCLIFFE, TYPESETTER NOVEMBER 21, 1897

The Tombstone Epitaph.Crime reports from the Tombstone Sheriff’s Department

At around 10:45 p.m. on Sunday night, Ronksu Braess was arrested for the murder of Tiea Reina.

I witnessed this murder first hand, as did TG Dawg.

I was just leaving the shooting range at the time when I heard the shooting.

I ran across the river and saw the offender gun down the victim in cold blood.

I chased him into the build-ing and took him down my-self, and brought him in.

He insists that she had at-tacked him earlier, but I have no proof of this.

Suggested charge: Mur-der.

Possible charge: Revenge killing.

Trial requested, as usual.– Marshall Docherty

* * *

Date: 11/18/1897Incident: Bank RobberyLocation: TS BankSuspects: Ronski Braess,

Kahn Tenk, Tidus NoelCharges: Killing a Lawman,

Bank Robbery I received a report of a

bank robbery in progress at about 13:12 hours SLT.

I ran to the bank and found one Sheriff and one Deputy dead, and one Dep-uty wounded from gunfire with three outlaws who were robbing the bank.

I entered the bank and came upon two outlaws, Kahn Tenk and Ronski Bra-ess. I shot them upon en-tering.

I was then shot at through the window by the remain-ing outlaw, Tidus Noel.

I gave chase and followed Noel. I caught up with him and shot him near the Bird-cage Theatre. I took him to the bank to join the other in-jured outlaws.

After I placed Ronski and Tidus into custody, I went back to the bank to get Kahn, but he was gone.

I went back to the jail and continued lock up the oth-ers when Kahn started fir-ing into the jail from the outside.

He killed Deputy Man-veru at this time. After an exchange of fire, I shot Kahn dead.

The rest of the gang served their sentences and were released. Court date to be set.

– Sheriff Babii

CorrectionFort Hauachuca, Tomb-

stone, Arizona – A U.S. Army Correspondent on our article “Schulze ac-cused, convicted on treason charge”:

I would like the Epitaph readers to know that in my report detailing the incidents occuring at Fort Hauachuca DID NOT in any way in-clude that slanderous state-ment toward the Town Mar-shal of Tombstone at the end of the article.

I do not know how that “quote” entered into my un-bias report and apologize to anyone whom it may have insulted, hurt or confused.

Cavalry payroll nabbedby V. D’onofrio

Epitaph Law CorrespondentTOMBSTONE, AZ, NOV.

17 – The Fort Hauachuca U.S. Cavalry and Infantry lost the Wells Fargo strong box containing well over five hundred dollars to an Apache raid just on the bor-der of town.

These monies were the sum total of the officers’ and soldiers’ payroll, as well as scraps to trade for food and ammunition.

A telegraph to the U.S. Government in Washington was sent shortly after it was confirmed that the cashbox never made it back to Fort Hauachuca.

Only two soldiers left the site of the robbery, separat-ed from the remainder of the troops who were mired in confusion at a blocked road.

The wagon they were uti-lizing had over-turned.

The soldiers were fired

upon and stayed to defend the wagon, having no com-manding officer there to as-sess the situation.

The Apaches were raining down upon the men like a furious thunderstorm.

Lt. James Torok was seen unhitching the horses, and then he rode out and into town by himself.

He made it as far as the Bank of Tombstone, blood-ied from a nasty bullet wound.

Private Kaire Arctor ran into town shortly after that to assist his comrade in arms.

Both men then retrieved the Wells Fargo strong box. Lt. Torok then immediately rushed to the O.K. Corral to procure another wagon, then proceeded to the doc-tor’s office in town.

Lt. Torok attempted one last time to cross the well-defended line when a sole

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VOL. 1, NO. 7 THE TOMBSTONE EPITAPH PAGE 2

TheTombstone

Epitaph.Volume 1, Number 7NOVEMBER 21, 1897

EDITOR:MADMINXMAG VANDEPERCK

TYPESETTER:TESSA WYCLIFFE

Payroll nabbedContined from Page 1Apache raider took advan-tage of his weakened con-dition, threw a rope around the Wells Fargo strong box, and rode fast, disappearing from view.

Neither the commanding officer of Fort Hauachuca or the mayor of Tombstone could be reached for com-ment.

THE SOCIETY REPORT

The Shucks Ballroom in Tombstone, AZ

As reported byPercy Dovetonsils

NOV. 18 – After I trans-versed the Territory of Ari-zona by way of stagecoach, choking on the dust, endur-ing each fault in the so-called primitive road that certainly had to be constructed by a chiropracter and not profes-sional engineer, I arrived in the Town of Tombstone.

As the evil transport fi-nally creaked to a full stop, I was immediately greeted with cheers and salutations from a less-than-desirable group of urchins offering help with my baggage.

I can only assume the gen-tleman observing -- Tuxing, I believe I caught as his moni-ker -- I assume to be their fa-ther or close relation as he proudly watched the young lads attend to my property with great care.

Assuring me that my pre-cious belongings would be

well taken care of, I was pointed in the direction of my final destination: The Shucks Valkyrie Ballroom, for a Garden Party sched-uled to re-open the estab-lishment at noon.

Naturally, I would and did arrive promptly.

The Shucks Valkyrie Ballroom stands off on its own amidst the setting of a painted Sonora Desert dot-ted with red rock and inter-esting geological formations I can only assume are foot-prints from seismic activity millions of years ago.

Although primarily a wood-en structure, I glanced around to notice that adobe is also slathered about Tombstones’ more prominent constructs.

I say now that the Shuck’s establishment rates as a Grand Ballroom and a sight to behold.

Locals had arrived ear-ly, the spacious floor was adorned with Couples be-decked in their finery, Sol-diers from Fort Hauachu-ca in dress blues and a few Heathens taking advantage of the festivities.

The occassional ruffian would draw a pistol flam-boyantly spinning in and re-turning it to its holster in a display only Tombstonians would quite understand. Fortuna would smile as our Hostess, a Miss Jenniferr Graves would announce li-quors being served out-of-doors.

I proceeded to the bar, tastefully set in a rose gar-den, the beauty of which I have not seen since my Eu-ropean excursions.

Miss Graves chose a full

length white formal suggest-ing a certain air of purity fit-ting the occasions.

East coast meets western fashion as several of the gen-tlemen present arrived in silk vest and string bow ties with dark woolen long coats and great cloaks fitting the No-vember season.

Mr. Robert Lewellen of the Reno, San Franscio and Miami Beach Lewellens stood out, as did Mr. James Salyut.

The Mayor arrived soon after, arm-in-arm with Mad-minxmag Vandeperck-Wise, the owner of the Shucks Val-kyrie Mining Company.

The ladies of Tombstone paraded and danced to the pounding rhythm of the

South American Salsa in a flurry of fashions carefully chosen to elate and tanta-lize the admirer.

There is no doubt, dear reader that Tombstone, contrary to that which your

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VOL. 1, NO. 7 THE TOMBSTONE EPITAPH PAGE 3

Apache History Unfolded, Part FourGreetings in this holiday

season, Epitaph readers.Today I have for you a bit

more of the tale of the White Mountain Apaches. And as I told you before, I know these things only as much as my presence is trusted in their land, because of the trust I have built with one of them. As I spoke with her this time, she gave me warn-ing, and now I know for a fact why she did so.

We all have read the arti-cles about the Apaches raid-ing town.

The Apaches approached just from one side of town. To the townsfolk, it looked as though they had appeared out of thin air, with so many of them all in one line, which was an intimidating appari-tion as only the Apache can provide.

Well, the sight of them just about paralysed all of the townsfolk, who were seen just standing there watching the Apache ap-proach like ghosts suddenly appearing straight out of the desert floor.

And just then, the moment the Natives received the full attention of the townsfolk, another small group of Apache, called Raiders, did their job like thieves in the night.

I still hear her voice say-ing, “What would you do if your family was isolated and hungry?”

It’s clear as day that the Apache are in the process of healing a broken circle. We all have noticed that their tribe grows larger and stronger every day. And that other tribe members have joined them from miles away as well.

This definitely means that

they’re up to something. So let us all hope that our town can remain in peace with them as this tribal build-up proceeds.

In answer to this event, the U.S. Government dispatched a Marshall to negotiate with the tribe’s elders.

She stared at me for a while before she spoke to me. I must confess that I have always felt a little un-comfortable under her un-wavering gaze. But the mo-ment I looked away, she start talking.

“To live and survive, we also take all that nature is giving us, even the small parts like berries or nuts to be gathered by the small chil-dren and the women would go in parties to find them, and sometimes stay out pick-ing them all day.

“When they went any great distance from camp, they took ponies to carry the baskets.”

This is how I met the White Mountain Apache, actually.

I frequently went along with these parties, and upon one of these excursions, a woman named Cho-ko-le got lost, and was riding her pony through a thicket in search of her friends.

Her little dog was follow-ing along side as she slowly made her way through the thick underbrush and trees.

I remember this day well.All at once, a brown bear

was directly in her path. It rose up on its two hind legs like some lumbering giant, and attacked the pony.

She jumped off and her pony escaped, but the bear then turned and attacked her. She stood her ground and fought him off the best

she could with her knife.Her little dog snapped at

the bear’s heels, distracting it, which enabled her to hold her ground for a time. And for a while, she managed to stay just out of its reach.

Finally the bear struck her over the head with its mas-sive paw, tearing off almost her whole scalp.

She fell but did not lose consciousness, and while prostrate she stabbed him four good licks with her knife, and he turned and bounded off into the woods.

She gingerly picked up her torn-off scalp and placed it back upon her head. With blood streaming down her face and stinging her eyes, she wrapped some cloth around her head to bind the scalp to her as best she could. But then she turned deathly sick and had to lie down to rest.

Later that night, her pony returned to camp with his load of nuts and berries, but had no rider.

The Apache hunted for her, but did not find her un-til the second day.

They carried her home, and under the treatment of their medicine men, all her wounds were eventual-ly healed.

She told me this, dear readers:

“The Apache know what herbs to use for medicine, how to prepare them, and how to give the medicine.

“This they had been taught by use in the beginning, and in each succeeding genera-tion they had men who were skilled in the art of healing.

“In gathering the herbs, in preparing them, and in administering the medicine, as much faith was held in prayer as in the actual effect of the medicine.

“Usually, about eight persons worked together in making medicine, and there were forms of prayer and chanting to attend each stage of the process.

“Four attended to the chanting, and four to the preparation of the herbs.

“Some of the Apache are skilled in cutting out bul-lets, arrow heads, and other missiles with which warriors

Continued on Page 5

VOL. 1, NO. 7 THE TOMBSTONE EPITAPH PAGE 4

A Veteran Somewhere in the DesertA HUMAN INTEREST STORY

by the Epitaph StaffTombstone, AZ – What

follows is an accounting of an interview that the Epi-taph conducted with Mr. Whitfield concerning the recent capture of the Cav-alry’s payroll.

EPITAPH: “Thank you for taking the time to have us in your camp today, Mr. Whit-field. We are doing an article on the horrible incident sur-rounding the capture of Sat-urday’s U.S. Cavalry payroll. Any thoughts?”

WHITFIELD: “First of all, I would like to express all my extremely sincere solidarity, in no way false or joyful, to Major Wolfgang Kyong and Captain Silvy Winklerfor the huge shame they suf-fered Saturday 17 when the money to pay the soldiers was stolen during the pay-roll mission organized by Captain Winkler.”

EPITAPH: “That is a bit harsh, Mr. Whitfield. I am sure that they must work hard at the Fort, and the soldiers know the dangers of working in the heart of the Apache land where you are located.”

WHITFIELD: “As every-body knows, I have been an Officer of the 10th U.S. Cav-alry. till Friday 16 when, af-ter a small difference of opinion with Major Kyong, I decided to quit. Being the Officer who led all the vic-torious previous payroll mis-sions, I am glad to have the chance to help my ex-sol-diers to get paid next week, giving some comments about the mistakes that mustn’t be done in these missions.”

EPITAPH: “You actually were there? You spoke with them?”

WHITFIELD: “Here are the facts: Thir-ty minutes be-fore the mission started, I passed near my old Fort and noticed Sil-vy Winkler, just promoted to Captain after a brilliant career made of the fastest promo-tions ever seen, giving instruc-tions for the pay-roll mission to a great number of soldiers, almost the double that I had in some of my undefeat-ed missions. I thought, ‘With all that Army, she should be able to invade Mexico.’ But the facts have shown that no Army is enough when a Cap-tain is poorly skilled.”

EPITAPH: “Is the US Army going to invade Mexi-co? Sorry, please continue.”

WHITFIELD: “Here are the errors I noticed observ-ing the mission. First error: Splitting the forces instead of joining them. Cortes was badly uncovered in the open near the Crystal Pal-ace, while the scout should be placed in a safe outpost, better on a roof. Waechter and Schridde placed as re-serves inside the Fort. Torok, Sinister, Arctor, Bagley and Balut split into two different groups. The result was that Cortes has been immediately knocked out by a daring out-law. Waecther and Schridde didn’t take part in the battle, and the two divided groups weren’t strong enough to face the fierce Apaches.”

EPITAPH: “Should you be

telling this strategy to me? Is it not classified informa-tion?”

WHITFIELD: “Error number two: Using a not-tested, new kind of strong-wagon that suffered tech-nical problems during the mission.”

EPITAPH: “Ah, that would be the wagon we saw over-turned? We assumed that was due to a road block. Apaches most likely, or so it was reported.”

WHITFIELD: “Error number three: Leaving the soldiers without a guide. This is probably the greatest mistake. Just before starting the mission, Captain Win-kler, instead of leading the men outside, had given the charge to a sargeant, and she had left.”

EPITAPH: (We notice that Mr. Whitfield has been oth-erwise calm up until this mo-ment.)

WHITFIELD: “How is this possible? What is more important for a true leader than nleading the men to

take the money necessary to pay all the soldiers of the Fort ? I understand that a Captain is rich enough to need no payroll money but the soldiers work hardly all the week for receiving the deserved money to have a small fun and whiskey the night in town, in the saloons I know this because I have worked a lot in the low ranks before becoming an Officer. Maybe Captain Winkler has achieved too fast many ranks so that she didn’t learn the hard life of the soldier.”

EPITAPH: “Mr. Whit-field, We believe that Cap-tain Winkler gets shot with the same bullets that every-one else does. Perhaps each commanding officers style is different. It must be.”

WHITFIELD: “More-over when I was the leader in charge of the payroll mis-sions her role usually was to stay in the Fort waiting the money to arrive. An essen-tial role although unknown to me cause the role I liked

Continued on Page 5

VOL. 1, NO. 7 THE TOMBSTONE EPITAPH PAGE 5

The Shucks BallroomContined from Page 2imagination may allow, is not shy of the feminine fin-ery and class.

I was pleased to see among the festive colors a black for-mal make an appearance. Always tasteful and rarely worn so well, Miss Bren-da Tobias and Miss Lorrie Payne were among the la-dies standing out.

No one in attendence needed to powers of the Gypsy Fortune teller pres-ent to declare the winners of the Tombstone’s Most Romantic Couple presenta-tion, which was awarded to Miss Sensational Jewell and Mr. Alexisz Cortes!

Miss Jewell treated us to

the creme de le Victorian in shades of Emerald, and danced with Mr. Cortes as if they had known one another all of their young lives.

Miss Graves presented the honor and a prize of 1000L each!

How generous and how difficult a choice this must have been!

The surprise of the Shucks Valkyrie Ballroom rededica-tion came as Mr. Dark-Moon Lilliehook dropped to one knee and in a tender and strong voice delivered a proposal of marriage to Miss DeeDee Charron.

The Ballroom erupted with cheers, howls and “yee-haws” as Miss Charron burst

forth with a hearty “YES, I will!”

I conclude this review with no rating, as I find there can

be no price randomly as-signed a magical and fanci-ful place such as The Shucks Valkyrie Ballroom!

Apache historyContined from Page 3were wounded.

“I myself have done much of this, using a common dirk or butcher knife.”

Then she just looked up to the sky and stopped talk-ing.

My body shook a bit.It almost felt as if a cold

breeze cut clear through me, right between the clothes I

wear.I heard a coyote crying

at that moment, and it was haunting and holy all at the same time.

I can tell you this folks:I now truly understand

that Native Spirit goes far beyond anything we are ca-pable of understanding.

And you can be certain that my White Mountain Apache friend is truly a real Spirit Sister!

A Veteran Somewhere in the DesertContined from Page 4was to stay in the middle of the battle leading the men to win the mission. Now, you may ask: Right in the mid-dle? Sure! When there is a

battle a true leader cannot stay flank to the battle, or worst outside the battle as Captain Winkler did. If you are in the battle you have to stay in the middle!”

EPITAPH: “You sound er-nest in battle and devoted to your comrades in arms and if I may say so, perhaps some-day thinking of returning to Fort Hauachuca? I mean, personally speaking, I wouldn’t mind having a sol-dier as yourself defending the Territory I live in, Your-self, Sgt McDougnah, Major Wolfgang Kyong ...”

WHITFIELD: “I am sure that Major Kyong, being as everybody knows a man who is more man than his

two captains together, Mi-chelle and Silvy, will take in front of the U.S. Govern-ment, all the responsibility for the outrageous disaster done by his young new cap-tain, so that this unbecoming event and poor figure that all Tombstone has seen will nev-er happen again.”

EPITAPH: “On behalf of the staff of the Epitath Newspaper, I would like to thank you Mr Rudiger Whit-field, for your insights and opinions and wish you luck here in town.”

COME ONDOWN TO THE

TOMBSTONEMARKETPLACE

We encourage you to take advantage of the wonderful creations offered there by our Craftsmen, Traders and Seamstresses.

Please be mindful that all of the apparel for sale in the marketplace may not be appropriate for the time period and should be purchased for personal use only.

Welcome to 1897!