The Young Peace MakerLesson 7: The Five A’s for Resolving Conflict

Lesson Goal:

To help students understand how to respond to conflict appropriately.

Lesson Objectives:

● Students will learn what the 5 A’s are and how to use them.

● Students will learn how to ask for forgiveness when needed.

Key Principle:

The 5 A’s can resolve conflict.

Review: Understanding Conflict

● Conflict starts when we have selfish desires of the heart.

● We choose how we respond to conflict based on those selfish desires.

● Those choices have consequences.

Review: The My-way Approach

Something happens that triggers thoughts and desires inside of you. In response:● You have a selfish desire.● This desire leads to a bad choice.● This bad choice results in a bad consequence.● This bad consequence leads to bad feelings.

Review: The Wise-way Approach

Instead of giving into selfish desires:● You recognize your selfishness and even admit that

selfishness outwardly.● This selfLESSness will lead to a good choice.● This good choice will result in a good consequence.● This good consequence will lead to good feelings.

THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

Which of the slippery slope responses are wise?

5 Ways We Play The Blame Game

● We blame others for our choices.● We cover up our choices and hope no one

finds out.● We make excuses for doing wrong or not

doing right.● We pretend we did nothing wrong.● We lie about our choices.

Double Trouble

Double Trouble is getting a consequence for your bad choice AND a consequence for playing the blame game.

Bad Choice + Blame Game = DOUBLE TROUBLE

Feeling Like a Victim

What is a victim?● Someone who is cheated, fooled, or injured by

someone else.● When you are seriously hurt by another’s bad choice,

you are a victim and it is right to get help.● However, some people think of themselves as victims

all the time and believe their problems are someone else’s fault.

Conflict as an Opportunity

● Most of us think of conflict as a problem that will always cause pain or embarrassment.

● However, if we handle our conflict in a wise way, good things can happen.○ We can learn to understand and appreciate others and serve

them by loving them, being kind, speaking kind words, and being thoughtful.

○ We can learn more about ourselves and grow into a more mature and wise adult by recognizing our weaknesses and confessing our heart issues.

Story Time

Pointless Put-downs● Featuring Connie & Nikki

Using the Five A’s

Recognize - Understand that you made a bad choice and be willing to take responsibility with a desire to make the change needed.Confess - You admit openly and honestly to ALL the people you hurt/offended that your choice was wrong.Forgive - You make a promise not to hold a person’s bad choices against him/her.

The First “A” - Admit

● Admit what you did wrong.● This means you take responsibility for your bad

choices.● It’s natural to think other’s bad choices are

worse than yours, but you must admit yours first to begin resolving conflict.

● You need to admit you were wrong to ALL involved.

Examples of Admitting

● “I admit I was angry and disrespectful, and I was wrong to talk back to you.”

● “I admit I was wrong and selfish when I left you out of the group. I was jealous because my friends seemed to like you better than me.”

● “I admit I was wrong when I…”** Notice there are no BUTS when admitting!

The Second “A” - Apologize

● Apologize for how your choice affected someone else.

● When you apologize, you tell the person how sorry you are for hurting him/her.○ “I am sorry for hurting your feelings.”○ “I am sorry for embarrassing you in front of your

friends.”○ “I am sorry for…”

The Second “A” - Apologize● Admitting and apologizing for your bad choice does NOT

mean the fault is all yours. You are taking responsibility for you and how your choices affected someone else.

● It is important to understand there is a difference between sorrow for getting caught and sorrow for doing wrong.○ When you are sorry for getting caught, you will likely continue to

make the same bad choices over again.○ When you are truly sorry for doing wrong, you will have a desire to

change your choices.○ Don’t apologize for choices you did not make to cover for someone.

The Third “A” - Accept

● Accept the consequences for your choices.● When you accept consequences w/o arguing or

pouting, you show that you are genuinely sorry for what you did.

● Sometimes we think when we admit, apologize, and ask forgiveness for a bad choice, we should be released from the consequences. This is NOT true.

● Some people might show mercy and release you from consequences, but you should be prepared to accept the consequence.

The Third “A” - Accept

Some things you can say to show you are accepting your consequences:● “I understand why I need to stay home from

the game tonight.”● “I understand why I need to get a zero on

my math test, since I cheated.”● “I understand why I need to…”

The Fourth “A” - Ask

● Ask for forgiveness from anyone you wronged by your bad choice.

● Many times, people will quickly say, “I forgive you”. Other times, you may need to give the person time to think about your request.

● If someone is having trouble forgiving you, you may need to ask yourself if your apology was sincere and complete. If not, try again and wait patiently.

The Fifth “A” - Alter

● Alter your choices.● This mean you change your bad choices to good

choices in the future. ● You can tell others how you plan to change so they

can help you.● Alter is defined as “to make or become different”.

If you are genuinely admitting to and apologizing for a bad choice, you should want to become different and make a better choice.

Examples of Altering a Choice

● “Next time I will ask for permission to stay out later instead of choosing not to come home on time.”

● “Next time I will be kind instead of saying something mean just to make people laugh.

● “Next time I will...instead of…”

How can Connie Use the 5 A’s?

Connie could say to Nikki:● 1st A: “I admit I was wrong to make fun of you about the game

last night. I wanted to show off for our friends.”● 2nd A: “I am sorry for embarrassing you in front of the kids at

school.”● 3rd A: “I know that what I did was wrong and I need to tell the

whole class that I shouldn’t have teased you like I did.”● 4th A: “Will you please forgive me?”● 5th A: “Next time, I will not laugh at you when you make mistakes

in softball. I’ll try to encourage you instead.”

Connie’s Admission

● Connie’s admission was good and sincere.● Nikki would need to say to Connie, “I forgive you”.● Nikki would also need to use the 5 A’s to confess she was

wrong to tease Connie about her low grades. ● Connie still needs to apologize to Mrs. Johnson’s class.● If this happens, the girls have worked through their conflict

and can become friends again. ● Even if Nikki does NOT use the 5 A’s, Connie still did the right

thing by acknowledging her bad choices. Sometimes when we do the right thing, it helps others make good choices too.

Wrapping Up: Using the Five A’s

Recognize - Understand that you made a bad choice and be willing to take responsibility with a desire to make the change needed.Confess - You admit openly and honestly to ALL the people you hurt/offended that your choice was wrong.Forgive - You make a promise not to hold a person’s bad choices against him/her.

Wrapping Up: The Five A’s

● Admit what you did wrong.● Apologize for how your choice affected the

person.● Accept the consequences for your choice.● Ask for forgiveness.● Alter your choice in the future.

What’s Next?

Lesson 8: The Freedom of ForgivenessKey Principle: Forgiveness is a choice.