tx citizen 1.10.13

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

1/16

Your Taxes at P lay | 7 Day L ive Mus ic Guide | Ask a Mexican

VOLUME TWO

ISSUE TWO

01 . 1 0 . 1 3

"Don'tpayanyattentionto

whattheywriteaboutyou.

Justmeasureitininches."

And

yWarhol

SIZEMATTERS364 More Square Inches of News, Music, and Snark for Your Eyeballs!

The TX Citizen is Now 4.5% Widerand a Staggering 13.6% Taller!

Old, tiny size.

New, JUMBO size.

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

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TX

CITIZEN

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STAFF/

CONTACT

Publisher

/Editor-in-

ChieMikeReyno

lds

Directoro

Distribut

ionChaseCochran

Art

DirectorKaylaWallace

Sales

RepsChantMa

zy

Editoria

l:news@txcitize

n.com

Adver

tising:sa

[email protected]

Distribution:

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@txcitizen.com

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Last

Word:

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din/Shutterstock.com

2 TX CITIZEN

table of contents

1st WordSloppin the trough with theHotel Occupancy Tax.

5Citizen Dog

Beverly wants you to change hername to something more appropriate.

Advice fromUncle EselGot a problem? You will.

10

Last WordColby gives gun control advocatesreason to think a second t ime,for the third time in a row.

3Citizen on TourGene and Lynda went to SoCal,and all we got was this rockin photo!

CorrectionsEven we make mistakes.

6

Best of the WurstNominations are OPEN!

13

11

The Countys

Most WantedLook mom! Daddys in the paper!Ask a Mexican

Gustavo offends in two languages.

8

Himmel, InkOn why journalism sucks.

15

12

14

Citizen SoundcheckThe ONLY guide of its kind forthe NB/SM Metroplex!

7The Beer Hunter

When Mi tc hel l dri nk s,we al l le arn some th in g.

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O

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TXCITIZEN.COM 3

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Fun with the Hotel

Occupancy Tax (HOT)

Alright boys and girls, today

were going to learn about

Open Records Requests,

government transparency, and

the inamous Hotel Occupancy

Tax. Not in that order.

Part I: The HOT

The Hotel Occupancy Tax, (HOT), is an

additional tax levied against visitors to our air

city every time they stay at a hotel, or other

such accommodation, and is earmarked to put

heads in beds, as the Citys leadership puts it.

On the surace its a grand thing the

City raises money rom Hotel Guest A to help

bring in Hotel Guests B, C, and D, and does it

without placing any nancial burden on local

taxpayers. Deeper down, however, one must

keep in mind that every dollar a visitor pays in

taxes is a buck thats been taken o the table,so to speak once the City has it, the tourist

cant spend it with a local merchant. This is

why taxation in general is a tricky thing it

pulls money out o play.

Anyway, once the City has the money, its

supposed to be spent, according to the Great

State o Texas, to promote tourism and

the convention and hotel industry within

very specic limits. That per Subchapter B,Sec. 351.101 (a), o the Texas Municipal Tax

Code. Those limits are:

Running a convention or visitors center.

Registering convention delegates or

attendees.

Advertising to bring in tourists and

conventions.

Historical restoration or getting touriststo look at historical restoration.

Some sports and recreation related stuff.

Tourist signage.

Arts support. And this is where it gets

murky.

See, Id wager that most

Texans, (outside o Austin), are

against government unding othe arts as much as they are

any other orm o welare. Lets

ace it, Andres Serrano wasnt

going to get much private cash to

photograph that crucix submerged

in a jar ull o his urine, so he got himsel a

government handout. Nobody really wanted

to see Robert Mapplethorpe do that thing with

the bullwhip, so the taxpayers picked up thebill. Ater those ascos, conservatives became

rightly mied that their money was being used

to nance these kinds o projects. But thats the

thing when you use public money or art all

kinds o artists get to use it, and not just or stu

you like. The Garrison Keillors and Bullwhip

Mapplethorpes alike have their hands out or

that sweet public cash.

In any case, while Texan conservativescorrectly oppose taxpayer unding o the

arts and welare in general, ewer o them

oppose taxpayer unding o tourism. Ater all,

were bringing business into town, and most

people are good with that. But what i we

werent bringing business into town? What i

the revenue derived rom the tax wasnt

expended in a manner directly enhancing

and promoting tourism and the convention

and hotel industry per Subchapter B, Sec.

351.101 (b), o the Texas Municipal Tax

Code? Then we got a problem, Chico.

So we decided to get hold o the HOT

records so we could, you know, just have a

peek in there to make sure everything was

on the up and up. And wouldnt you know

it, getting copies o those receipts turned out

to be much harder than one would expect,

especially rom a city government that got an

award or transparency just last year.

Continued on next page.

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NOW.

Continued from previous page.

Part II: The Request

A couple weeks back, the TX Citizens

own Chase Cochran requested the ollowing

rom the City Secretarys oce:

A copy o the receipts/proos o

expenditures provided back to the City oNew Braunels, The Greater New Braunels

Chamber o Commerce and/or the New

Braunels IDC rom the recipients o Hotel

Occupancy Tax (HOT) unds or fscal years

2010-2011 & 2011-2012 showing where/

how/why the money given to the ollowing

entities was spent, as they are required to

provide this inormation.

Chase then received a bill, stating thati he indeed wanted the inormation noted

above, it was going to cost him $469, and

could take up to ten business days to compile.

Since were not made o money over here,

Chase posted the bill, along with his dilemma,

on our Facebook page at acebook.com/

txcitizen, and rallied support rom various TX

Citizen ans. Those ans put their money where

their mouth(s) is/are/was/were, and in just a

couple days time, Chase had the cash in hand,and he dropped it o at City Hall.

Ater nine o the ten business days had

passed, Chase emailed City Hall, asking or

the time that the records would be ready the

ollowing day. What he got back was this:

This communication is in response to

your open records request (No. 2012-493)

received on December 4, 2012, regarding

HOT Fund Expense Reporting. We havedetermined that actual charges will exceed the

previously agreed-upon charge of $469.00

by more than twenty percent. Thereore, as

required by section 552.2615(c) o the Texas

Government Code, we are providing you with

this revised cost estimate:

Itemized List o Charges:

Description Qty x Price Total

CD 1 x $1.00 = $1.00

Labor ($15/hour) 39 x $15 = $585.00Overhead charges 20% o $585.00

= $117.00

Total cost = $ 703.00

Cost for additional information $703.00 -

$469.00 = $234.00

In other words, Youre not getting

everything unless you cough up ddy percent

mo money.

Now that just didnt seem air. I mean,

every time Ive ever screwed up an estimate Ive

had to eat the dierence. It just didnt seem right

that City Hall would wait until the last minute to

inorm a citizen that said citizen would have to

come up with 50% more money simply because

the City itsel had made a mistake.What i you had bought and paid or

a house only to have the builder demand

50% more money beore hed let you use the

kitchen? It seemed to us that the right thing to

do was complete the job or the contracted

amount. Hmm. In the case o the house one

might think that the builder didnt want you to

move in or some reason.

Chase asked what it was he wouldnt be

getting, and as it turned out, he wouldnt begetting any o the paperwork dealing with

the Chamber o Commerce. He could have

everything except the Chamber ino or the

original $469. Use o the kitchen was going

to cost him another $234.

Somebody said one o the ollowing

two things:

Whoa there pardner! We underbid!

That $234 mistake is going to bankrupt theCity! Wed better break our contract at the last

minute to protect the taxpayers!

Whoa there pardner! We underbid! We

didnt think hed actually come up with the

money! Better raise the price at the last minute

to protect (BLANK)!

Either way, it worked. For a minute. There

was screaming and yelling and swearing and

gnashing o teeth, mostly on the part o your

humble columnist. Then Chase went back to

Facebook and immediately raised another

$234. Uh oh.

Part III: The Take

Once we got into the meat and taters o

the accounting, one thing became abundantly

clear: Neither the people handing out the

money nor those accepting it seem to considerthemselves bound by the law. Which is nothing

new in Texas Most Corrupt City .

First o, lets have a look at which arts groups

get the money, according to the City. Here they

are, along with their 2012 HOT und totals:

Barbershop Harmony Society:$6,422.25Brauntex Perorming Arts Theater:$38,929.25Circle Arts Theater Inc:$32,319.25Compania De Danza Folklorica Inc:$3,877.00Greater NB Chamber of Commerce:$1,527,110.41 WTF

Greater New Braunels Arts Council:$6,765.25Heritage Society o New Braunels:$55,797.00Mid-Texas Symphony Inc:$28,168.50New Braunels Art League:$18,590.00New Braunels Community Chorale:$3,800.00

New Braunels Conservation Society:$43,115.25New Braunels Historic Museum Assoc:$14,118.00New Braunels Historic RR:$26,971.75New Braunels Main Street Partners:$10,980.75New Braunels Theatre Company:$31,133.50Outdoor Gallery o Arts NB Inc (Murals):$28,514.25Sophienburg Museum and Archives:$57,498.00

Total payouts for 2012: 1,934,110.41

Wow. Thats a lot o welare. Good thingall that money is being spent to bring overnightguests into town or wed be screwed.

Part IV: Were So ScrewedA) Accounting Integrity: Ok, so hereshow the money is supposed to be handled.Per Subchapter B, Sec. 351.101 (c), o theTexas Municipal Tax Code, the money is not tobe comingled with other unds. The person incharge o the groups HOT cash must maintainit in a separate account established orthat purpose and may not comingle thatrevenue with any other money. That meansthat HOT unded expenses must be paid or

rom that account. Which raises the questiono why the Sophienburg Museum transerred$45,5578.54 out o its HOT account and intoits own general und last year. But Im surethats nothing to be concerned about. A little

hiccup, i you will.

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TXCITIZEN.COM 5

Dog

Visit the New Braunfels Humane Society at 1920 Kuehler Ave.For more information, call 830-629-5287.

is a super sweet one-year-old

Terrier Mix. Shes SO FLUFFY!

Beverly

Per the inormation the City provided, The

Barbershop Chorus keeps all o its money in

a single account, so theres no telling which

money is spent on what. While the members

and their wives did take a $2,190 trip to Dallas

or a competition, its entirely possible that

those unds came rom a perectly legitimate

source. Theres just no way or us to tell. You

know, because o the comingling and such.

B) Purpose of Funds: Lets keep in mind

that the HOT unds are meant to bring in out o

town business. Which brings us to marketing.

Heres where HOT und recipients are spending

the lions share o their advertising dollars:

Local Buys:

KGNB Radio

The Herald-Zeitung Newspaper

The New Braunelser (Formerly Prosit)Taste o NB

Chamber o Commerce Directory

Regional Buys:

Traveling Blender

Travel Host

Unknown Targets:

Direct Mail

This is important: Anyone still listening to

KGNB, reading the Herald, or perusing the

Chamber directory ALREADY LIVES HERE.

Anyone reading The New Braunelser or Taste

o NB picked it up at the hotel theyve likely

already checked into. Potential overnight

guests live outside o the area, where the local

media have zero coverage/distribution.

Hmm. Thats odd. Ater reviewing the

above media list a third and ourth time, it

doesnt seem like any o that money was spent

with the TX Citizen, although we were asked to

provide ree promotion or many HOT unded

events. Well, that gravy train ends right now.

Contact us or our new policy, youre going to

love it! And hey, at least we now know why

the other local news organizations have never

looked into this story. Mystery solved.

To their credit, the New Braunels ArtLeague nishes rst when it comes to properly

advertising outside o the market, albeit

nearby, with heavy buys in both Travel Host

and Traveling Blender magazines. Everybody

else kept it real local. As or direct mail, we

have no idea where that is targeted. Could be

a good idea i the addressees are in Houston

or Dallas. Not so great i theyre in Seguin or

Canyon Lake.

C) Carrying a Balance: None o the

groups are supposed to be carrying a balance

o HOT unds rom year to year, because HOT

unds are to be requested or specic things

i theres money let over, it means they overrequested and got the cash that somebody

else could have used to actually bring in some

tourists. But thats how its supposed to be

done, and this is New Braunels - Texas Most

Corrupt City , so most o them are going

ahead and doing it anyway. Its a-ok with the

City. Some examples include:

New Braunels Historic Museum Assoc:

$10,735.61Sophienburg Museum and Archives:

$12,608.86

Mid-Texas Symphony Inc:

$14,366.37

New Braunels Conservation Society:

$17,219.54

Brauntex Perorming Arts Theater:

$18,329.04

Outdoor Gallery o Arts NB Inc (Murals):$22,304.33

Heritage Society o New Braunels:

$34,713.61

Well, thats it or now. In the next issue

well have a look at what the Chamber o

Commerce does with that $1.5 million in HOT

unds that they haul in every year, assuming

the City comes up with the $234 paperwork

beore then. See you next week.

\m/

Mike Reynolds

Publisher/Editor-in-Chie

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CORRECTIONS

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

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CORRECTIONSIn last weeks issue we improperly labeled one photograph and incorrectly captioned

another. While neither error matches the inamous Sandusky asco that Texas Monthly

magazine caught in the Houston-owned Herald-Zeitung, we believe that mistakes, however

insignicant, should be corrected. In the interest o accuracy, please accept our mea culpa

or the ollowing:

We incorrectly identied a New

Braunels Fire Department ambulance as a

re truck, when it clearly was not.

In the Last Word column about gun control,

we printed a photo o a knie with the caption Its

Australian or knie, when in act it should have read,

Its Australian or gun.

And in case you missed the Texas Monthly piece

mocking the Houston-owned Herald-Zeitung, here it is

again. Enjoy.

Its Australian or knie.Its Australian or gun.

on touron tour

TX Citizen fans Gene and Lynda went to San Diego for Christmas,

and took us along with them! No word yet on how many people

returned to New Braunfels inside of Gene's suitcase.

www.NBSTREETS.comWe dig so you dont have to.

THE

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

7/16TXCITIZEN.COM 7

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THU JAN 10STEVEN VEE5-7pm

KARAOKE9pm

FRI JAN 11LUCAS TAYLOR5-7pm

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SAT JAN 12BRYAN BOYCE BAND + GUESTS

9pm-1am

SUN JAN 13THE AL BARLOW SHOW2pm

TRUE AUDIO OUTLAND presents...7pm

MON JAN 14MOVIE NITETUE JAN 15PINT NITE

WED JAN 16WELL NITE

Big Can Roundup

Now, i you spent your New Years Evet all like I did, then you needed a special

brew to celebrate with. Said brew requiresspecial blend o portability, potence, size,

nd a non-breakable container, but still carrieshigher-than-zero chance that youll wrestlecop or it. I you want to add your set o

eeth-prints to the ratty wooden rod those nine-oot tall horse/police hybrids carry around,itll take some planning ahead. Ive contactedhe top experts in this eld (mostly out o worklaborers, teenage crust-punks, and a man who

lives in the park named Squirrel Master) toive you the top picks in this arena. On top that, youll get one [CONSUMER ALERT]arning on what to steer clear rom, with a

personal anecdote by yours truly.

Fosters Premium Ale Oil Can

More interesting than your average beer

that comes high in ounces and ABV, this is anESB style: Extra Special/Strong Bitter. It makesyou eel like youre drinking rom some kind oindustrial chemical container that would meltthrough plastic. Unortunately, it doesnt tastevery good! Get it together Australia. In myopinion, only good or convincing ladies yourake accent is real, and you totally are romAustralia City, DOWN UNDAH.

Genesee Cream Ale

A beer as British as sideburns and eelpie, this budget beer is a sweet and easy to

drink avorite o the various bums and streetpeople o England. One pink (?) picture othe queen will buy you about eight o thesewith enough let over to buy something ried.Luckily they are so drinkable that you cansupp down them all beore someone makes agoal on the tellys ootball match and asks uavin a giggle m8?

Hurricane High Gravity Lager

[CONSUMER WARNING] Im not surewhat it is about this particular can o nearly9% ABV mixture, but its potent. Id say thisis the highest on the likely to be thrown at acop scale, because something about it actsmore like a truth serum and lobotomy. Youllbe singing, dancing, passing out, and wakingup with a headache all within the space o anhour. Unless youre looking or a particularlyweird night, steer clear.

Cold Spring Moonlight Ale

I it wasnt totally boring to make all sortso categories and point systems and such, Idgive this one ull marks in this bizarre side-show circus o competition. First thing youllnotice is that this can is about the size o aootball. It carries two pints, which in generalis the best amount to drink. Theres where theun meets unctional.

Its a little hard to drink rom, but notimpossible to do while walking. Doesnt exactlyt in a coat pocket, but can easily be disguisedas some kind o massive section o pipe orAmerican-sized soda. But heres where thekicker lies: it doesnt taste awul! In act, thisone is quite interesting. Its a blend o a porterand a bock, but is sometimes listed as a Blackand Tan. The shel tag said brown ale, but whogives a heck: it tastes good... ish. Its got a goodsweet malt, nice and nutty, with some dark ruitin there too. Theres an herbal hint o hops,but not nearly enough to balance. I we are to

judge this as a crat beer, it would pretty muchsuck. However, against almost the entirety obum-uel that usually makes up big cans, this ishead and shoulders above the bunch.

THE

WITH MITCHELL WILBURN

Mitchell Wilburn is our resident bon vivant and arbiter o all thingsbarley. Send your beer questions to him at [email protected].

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Kid & Pet Friendly

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7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

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Thu 1.10

Adobe VerdeRoss Brunner

8pm

AJs Ale HouseRock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show

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Black & Tan PubMark Sebby

8pm

Black Whale Pub3 Man Front

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseGood Girls with Bad Intentions

Lisa Morales, Shelley King, Robyn Ludwick,

Miss Leslie

9pm, $8

Oma Gruenes Secret GartenJam Night w/ The Kinfolk

6pm

On The Hal Shell Oyster BarJunior Nash

9pm

Phoenix Saloon

Steven Vee5pm

Rileys TavernSamantha Lynn & The Love Liberation Army

9pm

Triple CrownBeth Lee

6pm

The Sonomatics, Garrett T Capps,

Jack Ruby10pm, $5

Uptown Piano BarAshley Stone

8pm

Fri 1.11

Adobe VerdeColt Landon Baker

8pm


9pm

Black & Tan PubCygon

8pm

Black Whale PubTBA

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseCarolyn Wonderland

9pm, $15

Gruene HallThe Whiskey Sisters

7pm

The Happy CowAC & The Bad Bi llys

8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret GartenIn the Underground:

Susan Gibson

7pm, $20

On The Hal Shell Oyster BarJosh Holden

9pm

Phoenix SaloonLucas Taylor

5pm

Benefit for Bekka Palmer

8pm

Rileys TavernAndrea Marie & The Magnolia Band9pm

River Road Ice HouseBubba Westly & The Interstate Heartbreak

8pm

Triple Crownashleigh stone, Broken Umbrella Academy,Rosco Bandana

10pm, $5

Uptown Piano BarBarry Adams

8pm

Vino en VerdeRiversyde

8pm

Vineyard at GrueneRyan Waguespack

7pm

Sat 1.12

Adobe VerdeThe Knowhow

8pm


9pm

Black & Tan PubVarious Artists

8pm

Black Whale PubAdam Johnson and the Paymees

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseThe Damn Quails

w/ Seth Candan

9pm, $8

Gruene HallHot Texas Swing Band

1pm

Kyle Park

w/ Brison Bursey9pm, $15

The Happy CowSlim Bawb

8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret GartenSlim Bawb1pmFond Kiser Band6pm

Phoenix SaloonBryan Boyce Band9pm

Rileys TavernScott H Biram

9pm

River Road Ice HousePitchfork8pm

Texas Music TheaterWelcome Back to Campus!Granger Smith8pm

Triple Crown

Giant Salvinia, Ethereal Architect, Knael10pm, $5

Uptown Piano BarJohn Maclean8pm

Vino en VerdeSweet Sauce9pm

Vineyard at GrueneTony Taylor7pm

Sun 1.13

Adobe VerdeAllan Goodman8pm

Billys Ice HouseApril Hall Band

8:30pmGruene Hall

Bret Graham12pmWarren Hood & The Goods

4:30pm

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

9/16TXCITIZEN.COM 9

Fri 1.11

AntonesMicky & the Motorcars

w/ The Damn Quails

8pm, $12-$100

The Continental ClubClub Lineup:

The Blues Specialists, 6:30pm

Mike & the Moonpies, 10pm

Warren Hood, 11:30pm

Gallery Lineup:

The Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm

The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

Cowboys DancehallAaron Watson

8pm, 21+ $10, 18-20 $20

Floores Country Store

Rockn H Band8pm

Red Eyed FlyLaura Forster & the Severed Strings

10pm, Inside

The Iron Hides

w/ The Millipede, Pussy Factory,

Bitter Heart Society, Arcadia Black

8:30pm, Outside

Sams Burger JointGrupo Fantasma

8pm, $15

Stetson BarChris Saucedo & New Age Outlawz

9:30pm

Stubbs BBQOak is Keeping

w/ Paper Hotel, Modrag

9pm, Inside

Thirsty Horse SaloonChilton Vance Band

8pm

Sat 1.12

The Continental ClubClub Lineup:

Redd Volkart, 3:30pm

Derailers, 10pm

Bellfuries, 12am

Gallery Lineup:

Scarlett Olson, 8:30pm

The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30, $5

Floores Country StoreJohnny Cooperw/ Kyle Bennett Band

9pm, $10

Red Eyed FlyHustle Hard Mobb

w/ Go Go Beats, The Var-City,

A.C., J Ramsey

8:30pm, Outside

Sams Burger JointAge of Reason

w/ Stoned Hollow, Freedom Level

8pm, $10

Stetson BarDave Jorgenson

9:30pm

Stubbs BBQ

Dirty Wormzw/ Three33, Lovers & Fighters

9pm, Inside, $10

Thirsty Horse SaloonMario Flores & the Soda Creek Band

8pm

Oma Gruenes Secret GartenThe Bigsbys2pm

In the Underground:

Susan Gibson

Matinee Show, 3pm, $15

Phoenix SaloonThe Al Barlow Show

2pm

TBA

7pm

Mon 1.14

Cheatham Street WarehouseEn Route

9pm

Gruene HallRodney Hayden

6pm

River Road Ice HouseEmpty Handed Vagabonds

8pm

Tavern in the GrueneCourt Nance Accident

8pm

Triple CrownAaron Stephens

6pm

Chief & TheDoomsdayDevice10pm, $5

Tues 1.15

Billys Ice HouseChris Edwards

8:00pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseWill Arrington Band

w/ Brett Hauser Band9pm

Gruene HallTommy Elskes & Danny Brooks

6pm

Rileys TavernSteven Roloff9pm

River Road Ice HouseWes Nickson

8pm

Tavern in the GrueneRoots & Branches of Americana

7pm

The Blooms9:30pm

Triple CrownSamantha Lynn

6pm

The Sniffs, Fine Fellows

9pm, $5

Wed 1.16

Black & Tan PubKen, LeAnn & Ashley Trio

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseKent Finlays Songwriters Circle

9:30pm

Gruene HallWarren Hood & The Champeens

6pm

River Road Ice HouseThe Southern Strangers, Roadside Libby

8pm

Triple CrownStevie Tombstone

6pm

The Pistolsmiths, Emily Bell, The Hill Country

Gentlemen9pm, $5

Uptown Piano BarJohn Maclean

8pm

OUTOF

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

COMAL COUNTY S

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

10/1610 TX CITIZEN

By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: What is it about

Mexicans and collecting old cars? I

have three Mexican neighbors with

middle-class incomes but in each case,

when the old car or truck wouldnt run

anymore, they would buy a nearly new

replacement and then just let the old

clunker sit in the driveway up close

to the house or garage...or MONHS!

Hood up, radiator out on the ground,

at tires...etc.

Flying with my Ford

Dear Gabacho: When my brother

became o age, I lectured him on the acts o

lie. No, not sex, as thats or him to discover

with cousins o his age watching Tube8 on

a laptop, (as opposed to my generation o

cousins, whod watch pornos on scratchy VHS

tapes while all our parents were gossiping

during Carne Asada Sunday), but on what

would make him a man: when he could aord

a classic car.

Just like our athers and abuelitos in

la patria werent real men until they had a

beautiul horse to call their own, modern-day

Mexican males in the United States arent real

hombres until they have enough disposable

income to aord a classic car, be it a bomb

or boat. It shows you have money, you have

taste, you know your way around an engine,

and you have an investment you can sell in asecond i you ever need bail money or some

primo or other.

We dont drive these otenyou always

need a dependable daily driver, as well

but a classic ranfa is so much better than

the latest Lexus or BMW that every gabacho

douche buys or their bit o conspicuous

consumption. A la chingada con stocks:

nothing valuates better than a 59 Chevy

Impala convertible that stays in the garage

360 days o the yearn and is equipped with

an air raid siren, custom rims, and an Aztec

maiden mural on the trunk.

Dear Mexican: Heres my question.

I hope you take me seriously...whats

so great about the U.S.A? War, bad

politicians, Social Security gone,

stereotypes, drunk driving, gang wars,

scary public schools, no respect or

anybody who doesnt want to live theway they live. I know my amily risked

their lives so I could be born here, but

I hate it. Te jobs arent that great and

theres crime everywhere. How is that

any diferent rom the Mexico they let?

Is the American dream over?

Pocho ready to go

Dear Pocho: As Ive written beore, theUnited States basically is Mexico without Aztec

pyramids at this point thanks to Republicans.

Horrible violence, (14,043 murders in the

U.S. In 2010, according to the Wall Street

Journal, compared to the much-ballyhood

narco-murder rate o 15,273 in Mexico that

same year), an ineectual government, stuck-

up resas who insist theres such a thing as

authentic Mexican oodweve becomeMexico in its worst maniestations.

But is the American Dream done? Not

even close, as long as we have Mexicans

and other immigrants who fee bad lives and

want to improve themselves in the country

where its historically been possible. Thats

becoming harder and harder, o coursenet

migration rom Mexico to the United States

has been nearly zero or the past couple oyears because o the Great Recessionbut the

American Dream will live as long as we have

someone crossing the desert in the middle o

July, as long as we have ake passports, and

as long as people willingly stu themselves into

cars or the opportunity to hear their gabacho

bosses bitch about how horrible lie is.

MOST WANTED

$200REWARD

COMAL COUNTY S

BUCKLEY,DEBRA KAYFemale 505 200 lbsDOB: 10/31/1963CHARGE: Motion torevoke probation forpossession of acontrolled substance

pg 1 over 1 gramunder 4 grams

DAPP,KENNETHMale 600 175 lbsDOB: 02/07/1970CHARGE: Motion toadjudicate for twocounts of indecencywith a child exposes

GLORIA,

VANESSA ANNFemale 500 145 lbsDOB: 02/15/1983CHARGE: Motion toadjudicate forpossession of acontrolled substancepg 1 under 1 gram

DELATOREE,MARGARETFemale 502 155 lbsDOB: 03/25/1982CHARGE: Engaging inorganized criminalactivity and credit cardor debit card abuse

BENDER, SHERIMICHELLE (SMITH)Female 504 180 lbsDOB: 10/22/1976CHARGE: Failure toappear for motion torevoke for theft offirearm

LAFLEUR,LISA

Female 508 200 lbsDOB: 08/16/1966

CHARGE: Violation ofconditions of bond for

possession of acontrolled substance

pg 1 under 1 gram

LAKATA,ARIEL MARIE

Female 500 90 lbsDOB: 09/26/1988

CHARGE: Motion toproceed with adjudica-tion for possession of a

controlled substance

pg 2 under 1 gram

RHODES,JEREMIAH GLEN

Male 511 185 lbsDOB: 06/12/1984

CHARGE: Motion torevoke probation for

possession of a controlledsubstance pg 1 under 1gram/ bail jumping and

fail to appear

RODRIGUEZ,

JACOB GARCIAMale 508 180 lbs

DOB: 10/28/1976CHARGE: Motion to

revoke probation forpossession of a

controlled substance pg 1under 1 gram

NEAL,ASHLEY DIANNE

Female 508 190 lbsDOB: 05/17/1982CHARGE: Courts

motion to revoke forpossession of a

controlled substancepg 1 under 1 gram

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act Code 552.001 st.seq.annotatedPublic Record and Information disclosure statues. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, January 07, 2013 at11:15 am and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. For anonymous tips and rewards,

please contact Crime Stoppers at: 24-Hour Phone number 830.620.3400; Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm 830.620.3411. These are

listings of criminal warrants with the Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the

status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMALCOUNTYS MOST WANTED.Callers will remain anonymous.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour

830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

-ARRESTED

-

-ARRESTED

-

Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his an on Facebook,ollow him on Twitter @gustavoarellanoor ask him a video question at youtube.

com/askamexicano!

ASK A MEXICAN!!

ADVICE FROM

UNCLE ESEL

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

11/16TXCITIZEN.COM 11

Dear Uncle Esel,I see temporary buildings all over

town and I think they are downright

dreadul. I even see them in churchparking lots and in our schools. I canunderstand a temporary building or

trailer when someone is building anew store or something like that, butwhy does our city allow so many ugly

buildings to sit there?Tank You,Amanda

Dear Amanda,You can blame City Council or all those

buildings. Temporary buildings go beorethem or approval. Uncle Esel was told

that sometimes at the end o the temporaryapproval period which is usually three yearsor more, the owners come back and ask ormore and the buildings end up there or evenlonger. In the case o schools, the buildingscan be in place or decades. In the ultimatehypocrisy, the city even approved itsel atemporary building ater severely criticizingitsel or even asking itsel to allow itsel to putup that building.

In the end the city made itsel spend evenmore money on itsel or its temporary buildingby making itsel use an upgraded exterior orits building. Only then did they tell themselvesit was okay. O course, they have an especiallyhard time saying no to churches that want atemporary building. Perhaps they can ask NBUto assist them on saying no to those churches.

To be air, the city struggles just likethe ederal government. Its a common oldjoke in Capital circles that theres nothing in

Washington as permanent as a temporarybuilding. The Washington Post reports thatthe Pentagon has nally gotten around toremoving a Navy annex that was built asa temporary building during WWII. Someseventy years later, it is being leveled andgiven to the Arlington National Cemetery touse as burial grounds.

Love, K

Dear Mr. Esel.I hear that the DHS spys on us andthat they do it right here in San Antonio.Is there really a big spy acility so close

to us and what are they looking or?Signing With an Alias,Bob

Dear Secretive Bob,The Cyber Intelligence Sharing and

Protection Act established an avenue whereederal, state and local agencies as well asbig companies that have large amounts odata on Americans and non-Americans can

share and pool the inormation in order to gainintelligence on terrorists and those who wouldinfict great damage on our citizens and ourcountry. In San Antonio, the National SecurityAgency or NSA built a super spy acility to addto the more than 2,000 employees that werealready at Medina Base doing their spy stu.

One task o the NSA spook centers is toshare ino rom agencies and big companieslike Microsot, AT&T, IBM, Verizon and,get this, Facebook. All this data is used to

determine credible threats to the saety othe USA and utilized along with the abilityto data mine emails, Internet trac, andother communications. One key componento inormation sharing has been in place oryears and processed millions o tips and is yetto yield one bit o useable inormation.

All this wiretapping and spying is kindo Orwellian and has prompted some calls tolimit and oversee it. You can bet your good eye

on this: Whatever it is you want to keep romthem, they already know it. And now, Uncle Eselwants to say hi to the NSA guy that is assignedto the TX Citizen. The roses in Constantinopleare most red this year. Repeat, the roses inConstantinople are most red this year. That is all.

Love, K

Esel,We loved to watch the nutria in the

park, but last ew times I went there I didnot see it. We are wondering about thebest way to have a nutria in our home.

Tanks,Sophie

Dear Sophie,Uncle Esel really likes chili, but the most

common nutria in the home is in gumbo. Enjoy it.Love, K

UNCLE ESEL

Uncle K. Esel is a lietime resident o our air city, and iswell known or his sage advice on a wide range o topics.I you fnd yoursel perplexed with no one to turn to,send your question to Uncle Esel at: [email protected]. Be sure to write Question or Uncle Esel in thesubject line o your email.

N i i N O f h 2013 B f h W A d

ITS TIME!

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

12/1612 TX CITIZEN

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MONDAYHair of the Dog Day

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Most Nagging, High-Prole, Unsolved Local Crime

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HIMMEL INKNew Braunfels Girls

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13


By David Himmel

Writing isnt easy. Iknow, Ive been doing

my best to do at least a

mediocre job o it or too

long already. The one

thing harder than writing

stories in any orm, is writing headlines. Trying

to convey a complete summation in only a ew

words is tricky. But thats no excuse to be lazy.I am oten saddened by the diploma

hanging on my wall that proves I earned a

bachelors degree in journalism. Not because

its taken me ten years to earn what it cost me to

go to school or our, and not because I earned

that degree rom the University o Nevada,

Las Vegas, or UNLVwhere the N stands or

knowledge. I am oten saddened by my degree

in journalism because journalism is a joke.

It wasnt always this way. But it is

now. Journalism is lazy. Because beyond

the Murdoch Monopolies and the mail-it-

in partisan op-ed pages o nearly every

remaining news paper in the nation, and the

echolalia made by the cable news channel

pundits and hosts, and the trite interest in

cupcake shops and bacon inused whateversound in alleged alternative magazines, and

the increasing number Associated Press

bylines in so-called major newspapers

online and otherwiseevery January, ar

too many news outlets use the headline,

New Year, New You.

NBC Dallas/Ft Worth did it. As did

ABC Shreveport. And Menshealth.com.

And Chicagonow.com. And NBC.com.

And Realsimple.com. And ABCnews.com.

And Huingtonpost.com.

And thats the short list. There are major

news outlets in that list. Big ones. The ones

with the money. The ones that can aord the

best writers and editors to create new ways osaying the same thing. Because, yeah, January

rearms in all o us the desire to renew the way

we live our lives. From the way we eat to the

way we screw. So, yeah, its topical. But it is our

job as the creatives, as the media, to develop

innovation. I we cannot do that, we ail.

I am the managing editor o a health

magazine. Do you know how easy itwould be or me to publish a story with

the headline, New Year, New You? But

I havent, and I wont. Because I want my

magazine to be better than that. Sure,

sure I could publish a story like that and

the Google gods will direct the Internet

nomads to my site because o my SEO

savvy. But thats not the reader I want. Let

those readers go somewhere else to get

their ix o vanilla. I want to be better than

that. I dont want to get lost in the ray o

assimilation and boredom. I already have

an iPhone just like you. Enough is enough.

Yes. Journalism is lazy. And it breaks

my heart. Then today, the day that Marty

McFly goes back to the uture with Doc and

Jennier to save his kids, I saw a piece romNew York Magazine that points out the hack

journalism rom the once beloved Hill Valley

Telegraph. I dont know how I didnt catch

this schizophrenic editing beore. Maybe

Im too lazy

So how about this Since its a new

year, and everyone is pushing or a new you,

why dont we try or a new headline. Its a

start anyway.

David Himmel has sung with Judy Collins, hadlunch with Dick Cheney and was once beatenup by a girl. Despite all that, David is generallyknown as a sweet guy. Read more rom him athimmelink.com.

HIMMEL, INK.New Year, New You New Headline

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7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

14/1614 TX CITIZEN14 TX CITIZEN

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7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13


Power Grab III: The Final Reckoning

Ive spent the last two columns harping on the

un control issue, and I thought that I was readyo move on. One last aspect, though, still nags

t me. So, at the risk o finging decomposing

hucks o equine fesh all over the place, once

more unto the breach, my riends.

In many areas o political discussion,

its easy to engage in stereotyping. Partisan

amps do it endlessly, and it usually devolves

into sloganeering and name-calling that are

little value in changing peoples minds. Im

s guilty as anyone in this regard. (Though,or me, its oten dicult to be sure which

ide I will be on i any.) Its simply easier

o take some issue and cast it in black and

hite, pro and con, or and against than it is

o accept the myriad subtle shades o gray that

here are in any disagreement. And, once the

ides have been delineated, the name-calling

is oten just a shorthand way to identiy your

oe, (or yoursel), while unairly trying to sway

pinion: birthers, teabaggers, statists, leties,millionaires and billionaires, Randoids, gun-

rabbers the list goes on.

Ive used lots o this shorthand in my both

my personal lie and my column, and because

I am aware that they do little to move the ball,

I generally try to use them in a broad sense

o that no particular person is targeted. My

use o the nal epithet in the list last week was

intended in just that broad sense, but it is worth

noting that gun control is an issue like many

thers where people o good conscience

an make poor choices, and these people are

he very ones that should be singled out or

persuasion, not derision. This notion o good

intentions gone wrong is particularly clear

in the attitudes we see with regards to gun

registration laws, particularly in light o the

vents ollowing Sandy Hook.

Senator Feinstein o Caliornia has

recently called or all guns to be registered

nd or their owners to be ngerprinted. To

many, this will seem perectly reasonable.

hats because, or most, the rationale behind

un registration is a noble one. O course

we want to keep guns out o the hands o

criminals and madmen. It only seems logical

that we should have a system that allows thegovernment to keep track o guns. Because

the demand is so reasonable, even many

gun owners are prepared to accept it. The

intrusion seems small ater all, particularly

when compared to the assumed benets.

The problem is that the reality o regulation,

in any orm, rarely meets with expectations,

and gun registration is no exception. First and

oremost, its important to remember that gun

registration doesnt keep guns out o anyoneshands. It only keeps track o gun owners.

Fingerprinting seems equally useless to me

without some other orm o regulation to backit up. Registration and ngerprinting alone will

do nothing to decrease crime or gun violence.

And yet, we still see this as a cornerstone o all

gun control legislation. Why is that?

Well, it could have something to do with

what gun registration is capable o.

Since the tragedy at Sandy Hook

Elementary School, the Journal News

has published the names and addresses

o gun owners in two New York countiesand has suggested that they may do the

same with other counties. This inormation

was available to them only because the

government had already compiled the list

or them with gun registration inormation.

Whether it was the papers intent or not, it

certainly shows that such inormation can be

used to invade the privacy o law abidingcitizens and perhaps even harass them.

Governor Andrew Cuomo o New York

hit on another valuable use o gun registration:

conscation. This was something he suggested

to the states legislature as one option in

implementing new gun control measures.

Conscation o rearms that are banned is

only possible when such weapons are tracked

through registration. The registration o all guns

in the United States, likewise, would provide aready-made list o names and addresses or

any uture conscation eorts.

The act that gun registration oers no

actual solutions on its own creates a stepping

stone or other regulation that can be added

on top o it, regulation designed specically to

restrict access to guns.

The most obvious o these is background

checks. Background checks are the only way

to prevent the wrong people rom being able to

register guns. The current legislation is aimed at

the criminals and madmen I mentioned beore,

but these eorts allow the government to takethings urther i they want to. What classes o

criminals will lose their Second Amendment

rights? Is a man convicted o wire raud a

danger? How about someone with a DUI?

Should a conviction be necessary or should guns

be removed rom people while they are on trial?

How about while an investigation is ongoing?

Restrictions or the mentally ill are equally raughtwith the danger o this type o legislative creep.

Beyond this are licensing laws, which

allow the government to decide who is

qualied to have a rearm. In almost all cases,

licensing includes some test o competency or

even a training course. This allows lawmakers

to create requirements that go along with

owning a weapon. Again, they are likely to

start small, but once it has been accepted that

the government has a right to decide whomcan and who cannot own a gun based on

some set o standards, there will be no need

or the argument when the standards are

changed. Simple changes to the requirements

can create a de acto restriction.

Recognize, too, that registration is a key

component in the process o taxation and

taxation is the power to destroy. Whether

those taxes are applied at the point o sale

or are designed to be collected on somerecurring basis, the registration process is

where government will get the ability (i not

the authority) to do the taxing. Taxes can then

be used to restrict the availability o rearms

by pricing them out o reach.

All o these are slippery slope arguments,

but you cant just dismiss them because o that.

While it is true that there are many people

legitimately concerned about guns in this

country who want none o these things, there

are also people who want to use initial action to

move orward. The slippery slope isnt slippery

naturally; its slippery because someone at the

top keeps pouring oil down the side.

So, let me be clear: When I use a term

like gun-grabbers, I dont mean to malign

everyone. I you eel a sting, ask yoursel i

term is true o you. I your intent is not to take

guns rom law-abiding citizens, you are not

the gun-grabber that Im railing at. But you

might be helping them without knowing it.

You can read more rom Kelly Colby at yourfrstshrug.blogspot.com.

New York Governor and gun confscation enthusiast Andrew Cuomo (center, creepy). Moreevidence that nothing good comes out o New York (except or our graphic designer).

7/30/2019 TX Citizen 1.10.13

16/16

830-626-9464(WING)

983 LOOP 337 NEW BRAUNFELS, TX 78130

Buy 1 Meal &2 Beverages & receive

2nd Meal 50% offDine-in only, limit one per customer.Limit one coupon per table. Not valid

with any other offers. Maximum discount $6.00.Valid at New Braunfels and San Antonio Location Only.

Expires 2/3/13

GREAT FOOD& GREAT ENTERTAINMENT

No matter who youre going for,

weve got your game on!

We have

NFL Sunday Ticket...that means every

game can be seen on one of our

20+ HD TVs!

TextW

INGSNB

to72727

FORGRE

ATOFFERS

&GIVEAW

AYS!

Congratulations to our 2012Linecrushers Champions

Buffalo Wings and Rings!

-2012 Season Recap-Most Regular Season Victories

First Place: Barry Napp - 46 WinsScores Sports Bar and Grill

Second Place: Joey Lale 42 Wins

The Happy Cow

Third Place: Tyler Olsen 41 WinsBuffalo Wings and Rings

Deepest Post-Season PenetrationGion Dunbar

The Black Whale

Most Post-Season QualifiersThe Happy Cow

Most Perfect Entries this SeasonBuffalo Wings and Rings 13 Perfect Entries

Season Accuracy by LeagueBuffalo Wings and Rings 55%

Scores Sports Bar and Grill 54%

The Happy Cow 50%

The Black Whale 50%

Prickly Pear Lounge 49%

Faust Brewing Company 44%

Callahans 36%

tx citizen 1.10.13

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