VITAL SECRETS IN

MARRIAGE

These are simple and profound actions

and responses that are vital in marriage

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New models of cars, phones,

equipment and machinery, etc come

out every year.

New designs of clothes, housing,

studies, etc are developed too every

year.

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In marriage you must retain the

same model i.e. the same

wife/husband that you are married

too. My wife is an 1977 model and is

perfectly very good. I married her in

1977.

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I have learnt over the 38 years to

ensure that I play my rightful role as a

husband and also father to my three

daughters and one son.

What is it that has kept me going?

Here are the simple and profound

actions and responses that have highly

esteemed my marriage:

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1. Put God first in everything.

The apostle Paul’s counsel is: 1

Corinthians 10:31

‘Therefore, whether you eat or

drink, or whatever you do, do all to

the glory of God’. (NKJV)

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Matthew 6:33

‘But seek first the kingdom of God

and His righteousness, and all

these things shall be added to you’.

(NKJV)

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The first thing you need to do in your

marriage is to put God first. Let all

you do in this marriage be under the

guidance of God. He initiated

marriage and He understands

everything about marriage. When

situation are tense, call upon Him.

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Let go and let God take the

preeminence in your marriage. With

God nothing is impossible.

Most marriages don’t involve God.

As such they end up in bad state.

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2. Seek reconciliation at once.

Remember love will not prevent

misunderstandings or quarrels.

Because we are human, seldom is

husband or wife completely right or

completely wrong.

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Any misunderstandings or quarrels

should be settled immediately, on the

same day they occur before going to

bed at night.

Ephesians 4:26

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let

the sun go down on your wrath,

(NKJV)

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Be humble enough to say, “I was

wrong” followed closely by “I am

sorry.”

James says, James 5:16

‘Confess your trespasses to one

another, and pray for one another, that

you may be healed. The effective,

fervent prayer of a righteous man

avails much’. (NKJV)

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A successful marriage requires two

sincere forgivers who can accept

and forgive as God accepts and

forgives us.

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3. Be steadfast in love.

It is said that a successful marriage

requires “falling in love many times

BUT ALWAYS WITH THE SAME

PERSON.” The husband should love his

wife with the same selfless and

sacrificial love that Christ has so

demonstrated on the Cross for His

Church. The wife is to respond in the

same manner.

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It is said that marriage is a two-way

street of consideration and

cooperation. It is founded upon

kindness, selfless devotion and

consideration. Great happiness is

made up of little kindnesses. Lack of

consideration and appreciation is a

great divisive factor in marriage.

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4. Preserve the bond of marriage. Preserve this unity at all costs. It is

the gracious design of the Architect of marriage that the married couple remain faithful to each other and to God whatever the circumstances.

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Mark 10:8-9

‘And the two shall become one

flesh'; so then they are no longer

two, but one flesh. Therefore what

God has joined together, let not

man separate. (NKJV)

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It pains a lot when I see couples

separating and even divorcing as

this is not the will of God. Retain the

bond of marriage; the bond one

oneness; the bond of one flesh.

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5. Keep private matters private.

The wedded couple should endeavour

to keep certain matters to themselves

and within the confines of their newly

established home, “a sacred citadel of

exclusiveness where no prying eyes or

gossiping tongues are permitted.”

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Even the Lord our God keeps His own secrets, but what He has revealed concerns us and our posterity.

Deuteronomy 29:29"The secret things belong to the LORD

our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law ". (NKJV)

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Most marriages are destroyed by either

couple revealing to Third Parties what

is ailing their marriages. When this is

done, trust is eroded and it hurts so

much. It is said: Hurting people hurt

people.

Whatever is happening in your

marriage should be kept as private

matter.

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6. Establish a mutual trust in money

matters.

Always keep in mind that whatever

you possess comes from the loving

hand of God. You are merely

stewards entrusted with whatever

God is pleased to bestow upon you.

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Deuteronomy 8:18

"And you shall remember the LORD

your God, for it is He who gives you

power to get wealth, that He may

establish His covenant which He

swore to your fathers, as it is this

day ". (NKJV)

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Most frequently difficulties arise in

the family finances when there is too

great a disparity in the financial

backgrounds of the marriage

partners. Two people, even husband

and wife, with different sets of

financial values, and different

attitudes toward money, can very

readily disagree on how money is to

be used.

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What one regards as a luxury, the other

may consider a necessity.

In order to avoid difficulties in the

administration of the family funds,

some very basic concepts should be

resolved upon at the very beginning of

the marriage.

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Whether you are going to pool your

resources in a joint bank account or

keep a separate account, you know

best and you need to come to an

agreement from the outset.

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From my own experience, it is good

to have a certain amount that one

can use freely as one sees fit.

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These are simple and profound

actions and responses but they are

very vital.

Over the many years we have learnt

to practice them and they have kept

us going.

We are now an ‘empty nest’ but still

enjoying our marriage.

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