volume 13, issue 16 oorr aa nn gge e ppee ee l l ggaa zz ett

May 1, 2019 Volume 13, Issue 16

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

FREETAKE ONE

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or when to just bring out the CHOCOLATE!Mom is always there for me RAIN, SLEET OR SHINE

Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com

IN

OUT

Help our kitten thru the maze to find his friends

FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

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Biggest Liar Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered

the room. The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answered, "We found a ten-dollar bill and

decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the

teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even knowwhat a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Cab Ride On a business trip to India, I arrived at the airport

in Delhi and took a taxi to my hotel, where I wasgreeted by my hospitable Indian host. The cab driver requested the equivalent of eight

dollars U.S. for the fare. It seemed reasonable, so Istarted to hand him the money. But my host grabbedthe bills and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby,calling him a worthless parasite and a disgrace to theircountry for trying to overcharge visitors. My hostthrew half the amount at the driver and told him neverto return. As the taxi sped off, my host gave me the remaining bills and asked, "How was your trip?" "Fine ... until you chased the cab away with my

luggage in the trunk."

TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3

Shoplifter A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal

a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch,and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip. "This is a little more thanI intended to spend. Can you show me something lessexpensive?"

Won't Cook I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the

timer, a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving workthat afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask himto check the roast and peel some potatoes. Minuteslater he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked. Theoven didn't come on." The roast was on the menu again the following day,

but this time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided to turn the oven on myself.Again before leaving work, I called my son to checkthe roast and get the potatoes started. Again he calledme back. "The roast still isn't cooked." "Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it

on before I left. I didn't use the timer." "Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just

that the roast is still in the refrigerator."

The Senility Prayer "Grant me the senility to forget the people I never

liked. The good fortune to run into the ones I do, andthe eyesight to tell the difference.”

Dear Mom,It’s not that you’re the only one who sees the messes, It’s that you’re the only one who cares. Except Today! We care today, because dad’s bribing us and he seems serious. Happy Mother’s Day!

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4


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But Daddy....My husband and I took our 4 year old daughter to

the home improvement store. Madison got tired ofwalking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders.As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kepton. Getting annoyed, he scoulded, “Madison! Stopthat pulling my hair!” “But, Daddy,” she replied, I’m just trying to get my

gum back.

First Salute The first salute received by a freshly commissioned

Second Lieutenant is always significant. It's symbolizes authority and prestige. When I pinned on my new Air Force gold bars and

stepped out to face the world, I encountered a staff sergeant. He gave me a snappy salute and said, "Good

morning, Lieutenant. Your hat is on backwards, sir."

Shakespeare Librarian to college football player: "May I help

you?" "I have to read a play by Shakespeare." "Which one?" "William."

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Three Day Silence My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I

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up!" "What's the matter?" I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're

eating the tuna casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied.



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Mabel & EthelTwo elderly women were eating breakfast in a

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and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have? a suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said,

"Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I now know where my hearing aid is."

Friends for DecadesTwo elderly ladies had been friends for many

decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of

activities and adventures. Lately, their activities hadbeen limited to meeting a few times a week to playcards. One day they were playing cards when one looked

at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been

friends for a long time but I just can't think of yourname! I've thought and thought, but I can't rememberit. Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes

she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

QuickiesWhat do you get when you cross a pit bull

with a collie?A dog that runs for help...after it bites your leg off.

Mental HealthThe psychology professor had just

finished a lecture on mental health andwas giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic

depression, she asks, "How would youdiagnose a patient, who walks backand forth screaming at the top of theirlungs one minute, then sits in a chairweeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the class

raises his hand and answers, "He'sprobably a basketball coach !!!"

Why do bagpipers walk whenthey play?

They're trying to get away fromthe noise.

The orange Peel Gazette is distributed by over 400 businesses throughoutKane & Kendall Counties including various...


ACRoSS4. May's _____ Tuning & Repair5. _____ Video Inspection7. I'm not just a ____ in your yard.8. www.bobs_____71.com9. Inherited an old _____ & not sure what to do

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Natural Laws "The Law of Volunteering" - If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better lethim lead. "The Law of Avoiding Oversell" - When puttingcheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. "The Law of Reality" - Never get into fights withugly people. They have nothing to lose.

To mom and dad's delight, and every child's dread, Clean Up your Room Day is Friday, May 10.

Get out your shovels. Call in an industrial sized dumpster.Its time for everyone to clean your rooms!

Note to Kids: Clean Up your Room Day

also applies to your parents. you may want

to inspect to assure thatmom and dad practice what

they preach!


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Now that I'm "Older," Here's what I've discovered

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4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . . 5. If all is not lost, where is it? 6. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

9. It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

10. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

The Moral of the Story - Business LessonA crow was sitting on top of a tree, doing nothing

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Caliber Home Loans and any above mentioned companies are not affiliated. Caliber Home Loans, Inc., 1525 S. Belt Line Rd, Coppell, TX 75019. NMLS ID#15622 (http://www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org/EntityDetails.aspx/COMPANY/15622). 1-800-401-6587. Copyright © 2019. AllRights Reserved. Equal Housing Lender. This is not an offer to enter into an agreement. Not all customers will qualify. Information, rates, and programs are subject to change without prior notice. All products are subject to credit and property approval. Not all products areavailable in all states or for all dollar amounts. If you are refinancing your existing loan, your total finance charges may be higher over the life of the loan. Other restrictions and limitations apply. NMLS ID #15622 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org).

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Want to appear in the next issue of the

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Up Lovers of the English language might enjoy this ...

How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more

meanings than any other two-letter word, and thatword is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky

or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in themorning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do

we speak UP and why are the officers UP for electionand why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP

a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftoversand clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house andsome guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special

meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets,work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is

special. And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened

UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it

UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP ,

look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and canadd UP to about thirty definitions If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list

of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot ofyour time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UPwith a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn'train for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now

my time is UP, so .... Time to shut UP .....!

What goes up when the rain comes down? – An umbrella.

I’m not

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Kitchen Cry Howard came home from work one evening and

there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying outloud. "What's the matter, darling?" he asked her. "I just don't know what to do," said Miriam.

"Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it." "Don't worry," said Howard, "I'll get us another

dog." Mental Test

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering ofhumor editors, and his host naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked,

"how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple

question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If there is hesitation, that puts you on thetrack." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask,

'Captain Cook made three trips around the world anddied during one of them. Which one?'" The editor thought a moment, then said with a

nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have anotherexample would you? I must confess I don't know muchabout history."

Tornado vs Redneck DivorceWhat does a Tornado have in common with a

Redneck divorce. One way or another, someone is going to lose a

trailer.

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The General Knowledge Quiz 9

$704,000 Question...Which country had The Dauphin as a ruler?A) England B) IrelandC) India D) France $705,000 Question...Ictheologists study what...?A) Fish B) GlaciersC) Chickens D) Trees$706,000 Question...What is a group of owls called?A) flock B) parliamentC) family D) covey$707,000 Question...What kind of food is Cullan Skink?A) Beef B) ChickenC) Fish D) fruit$708,000 Question...What plant does the Colorado beetle attack? A) corn B) potatoC) beans D) beets$709,000 Question...What part of the human contains the most gold?A) hair B) toenailsC) brain D) teeth$710,000 Question...If you had rubella what would you have caught?A) a cold B) German measlesC) polio D) diabetes

$711,000 Question...La Giaconda is better known as what?A) Mona Lisa B) Statue of LibertyC) Pope D) Queen of England

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $704 - D; $705 - A; $706 - B; $707 - C; $708 - B; $709 - B; $710 - B; $711 - A.

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Telephone Pole InstallersA Tennessee phone company was going to hire a

team of telephone pole installers, and the GM had tochoose between 2 teams.So the GM met with both teams and said: "Here's

what we'll do. Both your teams will install poles out onthe new road for a day. The team that installs the mosttelephone poles gets the job." Both teams head right out and start working. At end

of the shift, Pat and Mike, the return to the office, andare asked by the GM, how many poles did they install. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in

twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Darrell, came

back totally exhausted. The GM says, "Well, howmany poles did you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader, wipes his brow and sighs,

"Darrell and me, we got in three." The GM gasps, "Three? Those other two put in

twelve!" "Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much

they left stickin' outta the ground!"

You Were Warned Noticing one of her students was making faces at

the other children in the playground, Ms. Smithstopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said,

"Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I madeugly faces, that it would freeze and stay that way." Johnny looks up and replies, "Well, Ms Smith, you

can't say you weren't warned."

Nail Biting Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying

to break. For me, it’s biting my fingernails. One day Itold my husband about my latest solution: press-onnails. "Great idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them

straight out of the box."



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Senior Personal Ads FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired

beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching forsharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matchingwhite shoes and belt a plus. LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow

who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,

sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aidsout and enjoy quiet times. WINNING SMILE:Active grandmother with

original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still

like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights andstill like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovychick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together andlisten to my boss collection of eight-track tapes. MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday

through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage,

good condition, some hair, many new parts includinghip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition,but walks well.

Mothers Know BestA mother mouse and her baby were walking along,

when all of a sudden a cat tries to attack them. The mother mouse using her natural instinct, starts

barking like a dog! "WOOF WOOF" and the cat runsaway. "See"? says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now

you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

- - - - -What hair color do they put on the

driver’s licenses of bald men?

HANDYMAN SERVICES

Call Sonnie630-465-4437

FREE ESTIMATES • REFERENCES UPON REQUEST

Experienced in all Home Improvements

No Job Too Small



www.ChicagoInstrumentExchange.com

24 yearsin business

W_ S_ll R_fur\ish_^ B[n^ Instrum_ntsB[n^ Instrum_nts

Buy • S_ll • Tr[^_Exp_]t @ffor^[\l_ Pri]_s on qu[lity Instrum_nts

in]lu^ing Trump_ts, Trom\on_s, Cl[rin_ts [n^ Flut_s.

17 North River St • Batavia, IL

(630)879-2815 Instrum_ntEx]h[ng_

500 B[n^ Instrum_nts For S[l_• Emerson Flute $100 • Armstrong Flute $200• Bundy Flute $200• Gemeinhardt Flute $200

• King Trombone $125• Jupiter Trigger Trombone $950• Bach Strad Trigger Trombone $999

• Buffet Clarinet B-12 $275• Artley Clarinet $150• Artley Wood Clarinet $395• Bessen Trumpet $275

• King Cornet $120• Bundy Cornet $175

• Bundy Piccolo (like new) $425

• Conn Alto Saxophone $350• Bundy Alto Saxophone $399• Vito Alto Saxophone $425• La Sax Tenor $850• Jupiter Euphonium $850• Bell Kit $100

People & Pet PORTRAITS

Bob Kapheim 630-915-1736

Just $30

Contact artist forprices on other

mediums and sizes

8 X 10 COLORPENCIL PORTRAITSPeople • Pets • Houses • CarsFREE white 11 x 14 mat.

email photo [email protected]

www.bobsart71.com

Family Restaurant

With a minimumpurchase of $10

(before taxes) receive

$1 OFF* $10 order$2 OFF* $20 order$5 OFF* $35 order$10 OFF* $50 order

*Not to be used with any other offer.

(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd

Montgomery

VIDEO GAMING ROOMNew Back Entrance with more Games & Bar Area

Come Play atGrandma’s! Open

‘til Midnight

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

Redneck ConstructionFour rednecks in a pickup truck, drive to the local

lumberyard. One of the men walks into the office andsays, "We need to buy some four by two's." The clerk says, "You mean two-by-four's, don't

you?" Bubba, says, "I'm not sure, I'll go check," and went

back to the truck to ask his brothers. He returns some time later and says, "Yup, I meant

two-by-fours." "Ok, Now how long do you need them?" Again Bubba pauses for a minute, and says, "I'm not

sure, I better go check with the family." After awhile, the redneck returns to the office and

says "We need long ones, we're gonna build a house."

Math LessonThe math teacher asks Johnny a question, "Johnny,

if I gave you two rabbits and then two more rabbits andthen two more rabbits, how many would you have?" Johnny replied, "Seven rabbits, Teacher." The teacher asked again, "Listen Johnny, If I gave

you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two morerabbits... How many rabbits would you have altogether?" Johnny smiled, "That's easy, Teacher, I would have

seven." "Ok Johnny," the teacher said. "Let's try it a

different way. If I gave you two candy bars, plus twomore candy bars, plus two more candy bars, how manycandy bars would you have?" "Six candy bars," Johnny says. "OK," said the teacher. "Now think of that with this

question. "If I gave you two rabbits, then two more rabbits, then two more rabbits how many would youhave?" "Seven, Teacher." Johnny said. How can you have seven?" the teacher asked,

exasperated. "Because I already have one rabbit at home!"

RussianThe couple was delighted when their long wait to

adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centercalled and told them that there was a wonderful Russ-ian baby boy available, and the couple took him with-out hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they

stopped by the local college so they each could enrollin night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk

inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russ-

ian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, wewant to be able to understand him."

Get your business noticed!

List your Specials here. Call 815-751-1286



Get $50 OFFService Call

Expires 2/28/19

884477--664499--33333333COMMERCIAL REFRIGERATION SERVICE

Gene Beck - Owner Operator since 1980 Expires 5/31/19

Marvelously MatureYou KNOW your getting 'Marvelously Mature

when.................... You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your

driver's license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

When happy hour is a nap. When you're on vacation and your energy

runs out before your money does.. When you say something to your kids that your

mother said to you and you always hated it.

DaydreamingThe Math teacher notices that Johnny had been day-dreaming for

most of the class. To get his attention she says, "Johnny, if the world is 25,000 miles

around, and a dozen eggs are 90 cents, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher who is all amazed, replies "Well, that's correct. "Tell

me,...how did you figure that out?" Oh, there's nothing to it," Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen

and she's only half- crazy."

Tell me Something PositiveA Husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is

standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old

woman. My face is all wrinkled, my chest is barely above my waist,and my bum is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby" She turns to her

husband and says... "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself. He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft

voice..."well...there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories andjokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a carfax report and many are

priced in the $3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friendsin the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339

www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWIMilitary uniforms,

photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, & older firearms.

630-215-3664

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVE

The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc

Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs, Upholstery, RV’s

Residential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANING

GARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)Licensed • 45 yrs Exp

Just Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

ASPHALTDRIVEWAY REPAIRINSTALL & PATCHING

ASPHALT SEAL COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC

Hand Applied Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102


HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

GLASS REPAIR

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance

HANDYMAN

HOME TYPISTS NEEDEDTyping court transcripts from recorded audio.

35 pgs./day min., paid/pageMSWord/WP, no data entry

RECORDING REPORTERSPersons to record Hearings/Depositions in Chicago &Suburbs paid per assignment

SPECIFIC POSITION ANDSEND RESUME TO:

LeGrand Court ReportingFax: (630) [email protected]

HELP WANTED

For Sale - 2008 John Deere1050J 14,700 hours.

Maintained and serviced bylocal JD Dealer.

Undercarriage 95%. Hydraulics freshly serviced.Documentation of all repairs.Starts easily even when cold.$150,000 open to offers.Call Scott (224)325-0844

CONSTRUCTIONEQUIPMENT

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

St. Charles 206-432-1682

Established 22 yr business.Work for yourself. Turn Key

equipment, inventory, business available 630-859-1266

FOR SALE

Accepting ApplicationsFT/PT ice cream truck drivers/sales, Aurora, ILSlammin’ Ice Creamz, IncChofer para manejartroca de helado630-741-9382

Join Us! Work Home/ft/ptTravel Agents/Rep LeadersLucrative incomes + PerksWe train/888 648 3030

Help Support his mission toprovide Crosses for Losseswww.facebook.com/CrossesForLosses/

Greg Zanis, 1230 Church RdAurora, IL 60505

or to receive a cross, call773-999-8888

COMMUNITY

Painting - Ceramic TileElectrical - PlumbingSOFT DESIGNS847-274-8347

HANDYMAN

Hummels, Lladros, and other collectibles. I makehouse calls and pay cash. Steve 847-542-5713

BUYING

HOUSE CLEANING

Veronica & Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services

630-506-2895630-935-5287

WANTED

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, TrumpetsDouble French Horns,

Saxophones (847)951-7098

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking

Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesTVs, Dressers, Beds, CouchesReasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big Ken

MOVING

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulchingfertilizing & weed control,

pruning, plantingresidential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155

TREE SERVICES &BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,Stump Grinding, Chipping,

Haul AwayCall the office

or text my cell for estimateSe Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

REMODELING

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

LAWN CARE

ROOM FOR RENT

Next Issue Ad DeadlineMay 15 May 3

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286


INVESTING

BORING LIFE???Do you want to make yourlife more interesting?Learn to invest in Real

Estate and have the freedomand time you Deserve!Text “interesting” to:

630-675-7102 along withyour name and e-mail.

Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified ArboristJoe (224) 789 - 8773

Northern Kane & Dupage Cowww.ArborJoe.com

PAINTER

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, BlocksTuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY TREE SERVICE

WELLNESSAroma Therapy,

Reflexology, Healing Touchfor People and AnimalsDenise (630)310-4504

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)273-2010

WINDOW CLEANING

REMODELING

TREE SERVICE

Above & Beyond Paintingby Stuart; Interior - ExteriorPainting and Remodeling;Professional Insured Clean;Over 35 years experience;No job too big or small....Call today for free estimate;Mary 331-251-5766 or Brian 630-709-8470

Look for us on Facebook andtwitter @Above & Beyond

Painting by Stuart

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Looking for a mature, responsible roomate to shareWest side Elgin home. Fullyfurnished 2 BDRM w/bath.Semi Private Living area,laundry, kitchen use, No Smoking Call/Text Wende 815-382-3255

ROOMMATEWANTED

1451 Austin Ave • AuroraMay 2-4 • 9am-4 pm

Furniture, glassware, clothesmisc items. Come check it out.

YARD SALE

We need someone who rollslawns. We have many referralsBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

Sleeping RoomQuiet, Clean

Refrigerator accessOswego 630-415-8207

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON MAY 15, 2019

►Coupons►Jokes►Community Events

Find us onFacebook

@orangePeelGazetteKaneCo


630-262-8484 • servicenowhomeservices.com

Expires 5/31/19Exp 5/31/19

Exp 5/31/19

Exp 5/31/19

(630)892-0344OTTO SCHuLZ - Owner

1157 S. Lake Street - Montgomerywww.TheExhaustWorks.com

brAkE SPECIAL$50 OFF

4 WHEELS or

$25 OFF2 WHEELS

Expires 5/31/19

$20 OFFAny Exhaust

purchase over$200

Expires 5/31/19

MuFFLErS ▪ SHOCkS ▪ STruTS ▪ TIrES

SSuuppeerr SSaallee!!

Construction Noise During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending a music

festival. Just as I stopped to listen to a folk singer, a group of exhibitors, dragging out tools and sawhorses, began setting up their display booth nearby. All their shouting and hammering made it difficult to enjoy the music. The noise they made got louder andeven more obnoxious and intrusive as time went on. Finally, to everyone's relief, they completed the construction. As a finishing touch, they hung a sign on their booth. It read

"Silent Auction."

Strange DisorderA man goes to his doctor."If I see someone riding a bike when I'm walking down the street,

I get this terrible urge to throw myself under the wheels. Have youever heard of such a thing?"The doctor thinks for a moment, then says; "Yes, I have heard of

one other case. You are what we call a cycle path."

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

volume 13, issue 16 oorr aa nn gge e ppee ee l l ggaa zz ett

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