walking through depression
TRANSCRIPT
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Walking inalking inthe Deserthe DesertA Poetic JourneyPoetic JourneyThroughhrough
Depressionepression
Poetry by RoadRunnerWith Illustrations by ClaraT
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Trials ........................................................................................ 3
IWait........................................................................................ 4God? ......................................................................................... 5
IstheStillWaterStillStill?.................................................... 6TheHornofPlenty................................................................. 7ICravedtheRaw.................................................................... 8TheCrux .................................................................................. 9DeepCallstoDeep............................................................... 10DesertThought..................................................................... 11FromMyCave ...................................................................... 12HiccupsandHammertoes .................................................. 13TheMysteryEncoded.......................................................... 14TheologyandAuntBee....................................................... 16HisPresence.......................................................................... 17ResurrectionIntersection .................................................... 18
Table of Contents
Copyright 2008
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Theundertakingoftribulanttrials
Offereduntousinmidstofourfeast
Abortingthecomfortofcirclingsmiles
Catchingourfancywhenwehungerleast.
Clarioncallfromindigoforest
Darklyinvitinginsistentmystique
Bidofahiddenpower,enormous,
Invisiblypulled,nowsensesarepiqued.
Thusthejourneyofspiritisstarted
Compasssurrendered,defensesstrippedbare,
Sunkdeepinstreamswithcouragedeparted
Theveiloffantasynolongerthere.
Onjourneysendingwemakeourreturn
ButsunkdeepinsideustheSpiritburns.
Trials
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IfIwriteinchalk,
Itcanbeerased.
IfIwriteinink,
Itcanbeshredded.
WhenIlookforpermanence,
Ifindtransience.
Ibowbeforethechangeless
Inmyconstantlychangingbody,
Withmy
constantly
changing
mind.
IreadthatIwascreated alittlelowerthantheangels
Should littlelower reallyread deathanddecay?
IdonotreachtotheheavenstofindYou.
Isinkintomyself
Ireleaseall
Thisbriefinterludebetweentwodustyfields
Andhere,inmymosthopeless,helpless,haplessestate
Iwait
I Wait
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God,
AmIusingthewronglanguage?
Am
I
sitting
in
the
wrong
position?
Doyoureallyprefer
theKingJamestranslation?
DidIaccidentallybreatheinthroughmymouth
whenIshouldhaveusedmynose?
DoIneed
abetter
devotional?
AreyoumadbecauseImbehindonmytithe?
HaveyouleftourchurchforthePresbyterian
Churchdowntheroad?
DidIhitacoupleofsournotesinthelasthymnwesang?
Doyoureallyknoweverything?
IfIletgo,willyoucatchme?
Aretheseallthewrongquestions?
Canavoidholdalltheanswers?
God?
God?
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Isthestillwaterstillstill
Wherethetanagerandthewhippoorwill
Serenadefromwillowytendrils?
Doesthatnuminousfountainstillflow
Wateringallofthevalleysbelow
Becoming,inYourlove,alovelyBordeaux?
AreSacredsongsstillsung
Aretherepraisesfromeverytongue
Isthereareachablefinalrung?
InthedrynessallowedbyYourWill
Inthesilencecomingoverthehills
Mysoulsicklyshrills
Isthestillwaterstillstill?
Is the Still Water Still Still?
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TheHornofPlenty,soundingoutmyname,
Acornucopiaofenticements
LadyFortuneinvitesmetohergame
Promisingthesoughtforenlightenment.
Comeuntome, shecallsinmydistress
Andyouwillfindthecomfortforyoursoul,
Butfrosty
fear
pours
forth
from
her
caress
Sosoftatfirst,butthenlikehangmanshold.
Temptationsoftcomeknockingatmydoor
Someindisguise,andsomewithFenrisfeet,
Theybeckonandpromiseshimmeringshores
AndEdenlikeadventuresohsosweet.
Ihesitate,beforeIletthemin,
Andinthatspaceacosmicwarbegins.
The Horn of Plenty
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Icravedtheraw
Icravedthereal
Andinmyzeal...
Ifell.
Awakingtoapalloredstate
Whereshadesoftemptingtawdrytastes
Contendasapplestomyeye
Portendingshacklesbyandby.
Ichoosetheruseandthusensues
Theyearsofapplecoresaccrued
But,hungrystill,itsnotthethrills
Forwhichmysoulwithlongingtrills.
Fromsomewheredeepwithinmyshame
Ibattleghoststhatstoletheflame
MySelfisdealtamortalblow
Ibleed,
but
freed,
am
free
to
know
ThatGodisraw
AndGodisreal
Andinmyzeal...
Ikneel.
I Craved the Raw
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I,bornintotime,
Seekingthetimeless.
God,timeless,
Seekingtobebornintotime?
Iguess
the
crux
of
the
matter
Isthepointwherethepathscross.
The Crux
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IfIstandinthemiddleofadesert
Andlookup
AmIalone?
AretherenotcataractsofLivingWater
Foreverreviving
Mysoul?
IsnottheBreadofHeaven
Mannalike
Bestowed?
Angelicvoices
Choirlike
Intoned?
ACloudofWitnessesFirebright
Shown?
ThedesertdoesnotdivideGodsown.
Desert Thought
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Deepcallstodeep
ThedeeptruthoftheuniverseCallstothedeepthirstofmysoul
And,onceawakened,
Thereisnoreturningtotheformer
Safe,predictable,wellmanicuredlife.
Thepull
OfthePeacethatpassesunderstandingIsnotpacifiedbyperipheralpretenses
Ofdevotion
Commotionreignsandbearingslost
Untilthetossed
Aredeliveredontoashore
Where,indeed,
All
things
are
new.
Deep Calls to Deep
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Ithoughtmyselfalone
My
voice
a
mere
moan
Emittingfrommycave
Ofloneliness...
Whilethusenslaved
ThemirageYoustaved
Saved,onceagain,
Thisclaustrophobe.
Forthousandsandthousandsandthousandsofsouls
EventhismomentdoYouextoll
Myvoiceameremorselcomparedtothefeast
Thatsofferedupdailyandlaidatyourfeet.
Significant? No,
Myrhythmsandrhymes
Aredoomed
to
succumb
TothepressuresofTime
Butjustforthismoment
Withsoulsindelight
Weallraiseourvoice
Tolightupthenight.
From My Cave
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hiccupsandhammertoes
piecesofwoe
allowedbyHiswill
mishapsandmayhem
produceconsternation
thethroneisHisstill
lewdnessandlying
thehungryarecrying
theguiltlessaresighing
thereisnodenying
dying
surroundedbypain
immersedindespond
hopedrains
faithwanes
savedbygrace
hintsofaplace
bespeaksaspace
untouched
untorn
wherethosewhoarecrushed
whosehopeshavebeenhushed
aresought,caught,bought...
andborn.
Hiccups andHammertoes
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The Mystery EncodedThehelixholdsthemasterplan
Deepwithinitsdoublestrand
Twistedandcoiled,readytospring
Likeacattogivelifetoamyriadofbeings.
Deepwithin,themysteryencoded
Waitstobecomethemysteryunfolded,
Beautyand
wonder
ready
to
pour
Theirlightwherelifehadbeenabsentbefore.
TheOnewhosatthroughoutthenight
Designingwhatdaywouldbringtolight
Releasesthehelixtonowexpress
Allofcreation,andthisHeblessed.
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Onedayanonuponaboat,
Tryingto
keep
Creation
afloat,
Afamilyalongwithapairfromeachhelix,
Enduringastormthatthreatenstodealit
Alifeendingblowtheysomehowendureit
Andfindingdrylandtheirfortuneensuresthat
Theyonceagainhavebeenreleased
Tofilltheearthandlifeincrease.Adifferentage,adifferentstage,
AndLifeagainwithinthedark
Avitalrayputintoplay
ByOnewhoselightcrosstimedidarc.
Theearthiscold,creationstilled,
Adreadfullydarklibationswilled,
Allhopeseemslost,atsuchacost,
Insadnesswilltheearthbetilled.
Butonthatdarkest,saddestmourn,
Againstalloddsalightisborne
Therayemergesfromthecave
Claimsvictorynowforthoseenslaved.
Nowonceagainthehelicesthrive
Burstingwithjoyatbeingalive
Themysteryunfoldedinstillsabelief
ThemysteryencodedaPathway
to
Peace.
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Ontogenyrecapitulates
phylogeny
Ilearned
Yearsago
Andso
Embryologyatemytheology
Severedmycosmologyandthrew
Mebacktoprimordialstew
Phew!!
Overtheyears
Wellsimmered
Butwithvisiondimmer
Nowcatchingaglimmer
Ahint
Anevanescentshimmer
Ofamomentsublime,
Adimpleintime,
When
God
crossed
the
line
Anddined.
Ilovethesimplerthingsnow
Acatinthelap
OpieandAuntBee
Ahymn
sing.
Andthoseargumentssofine
Justseemtoresign
Neaththebreadandthewine.
Theology andAunt Bee
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Onquiet,gentlebreeze
Onquiet,mentalseas
Hispresencecanbesensed
Asworldfrommindisrinsed.Thepresentseemstranscended
HisPresencenowisblended
Withallwithin,without,
Evictingeverydoubt.
InvigilanceImstill,
Thevisionsentfulfills
Alivinglifelongquest,
Verbumcarofactumest.
(TheWordismadeflesh.)
His Presence
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Wheredry,parchedgroundmeetsgentlerain
Thatsoftlyfallsandthussustains
Potentiallifeawaitingthere
Silentseedswhosesoulsarebare.
Whereachingheartmeetsgentlehand
Thatdriesthetearsandunderstands
Thedarksideofourjourneyhere
Aworldthatsrifewithdoubtandfear.
Resurrection Intersection
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Wheresearchingmindmeetsgentleclues
Thatlightthepathbeyondtheruse
Thattries
to
hold
our
vision
here
Whileallaroundtheskiesareclear.
Wherecrossbarmeetssupportingpost
WhereupontheLordofHosts
DeliveredupHisHolyGhost
ForwhatHetrulytreasuredmost.
Thisintersectionlivesinside
Apeacefulplacewhereloveabides
Andpowersupandjoltsawake
Oursoulstoneverendinggrace.