What Doesn’t Kill Me:

The Relationship Between Personal Defeat and Music

Matt Ingersoll

English 111

10-22-2014

I. Introduction to Major Research Paper

A. Every person will run into a problem in their life that they must overcome. All issues are unique and so are the ways they are solved.

B. At one point, a person will encounter a personal low greater than all the rest. These low points can present themselves to ordinary people as basic, every-day, problems. To some musicians and celebrities this all time low can come in the form of substance abuse. Thankfully there is a way to fix it so the public does not have to look up to a challenge-ridden person.

II. Body of Paper

A. Narrative: I was not prepared for the failure I was about to face.

1. Exam time - senior year of high school. About to change my entire world

a. I felt great after most of them. False sense of security

b. My anatomy test did not go well.

c. First time in my entire career I had dropped below a 4.0

d. I was devastated.

2. Conversation with my mom did not sit well.

a. I was so defeated that I swore in front of my mom.

b. Looking back I knew that was a terrible thing.

c. I did some long, hard reassessing.

3. Instead of wallowing in self-loathing, I changed my attitude.

a. It was the push I needed to better myself.

4. Sometimes the best part in a person’s life comes after great defeat.

a. I went through it and even famous celebrities go through it.

B. Causal Analysis: Even the famous musician Dave Mustaine hit a personal low.

1. His influences were not the greatest

a. His father was a drunk and very violent person

b. He was also born in a drug/alcohol boom: the 60’s

2. Mustaine had a rocky start to life.

a. He dealt drugs to pay rent

b. This abuse would prove to be detrimental later.

3. He continued to use drugs and alcohol while in the band Metallica.

a. His bandmates were worried

b. The substance abuse got him kicked out of the band he loved

4. He entered his personal low - substance abuse

a. He formed a rival band but still used

b. Eventually he was forced into rehab

c. Mustaine started to pull himself together

5. He is not the only celebrity-hero story

a. There are many examples of all-time-lows

b. Many people feel the need to hit a personal low to be successful

c. That is not the case, there are potential cures

C. Proposal: The wrong people are being looked up to.

1. The world is full of drunken-loser celebrities

a. The uninformed public feels they need to be that way.

2. There are actually celebrities that have been sober and are successful.

a. Leonardo DiCaprio

3. Stories like Mr. DiCaprio’s need to be hyped up.

a. The public will start to look up to better influences

b. No longer will people feel that substances are important

4. If he is contacted and agrees to help, the world will be closer to soberness

a. He would shoot some commercials promoting a clean lifestyle

b. They will air where people will see them and be influenced.

5. The public might just be less apt to fall for the substance trap.

III. Conclusion: Everyone will face multiple challenges in their life. Those problems do not need to be the driving force to cause a person to better themselves. “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” is not needed to achieve greatness. The fewer bad positions a person puts themselves through, the higher chance they will have to reach their goal. Problems as a whole are unavoidable, but the ones that can be, should be.

Nobody’s life is perfect. There comes a point in every human’s existence where they come across a challenge. These challenges come in many shapes an forms. There is virtually no real way to tell when someone will face one. Sometimes, these challenges will present themselves as the most difficult thing a person has to face; a metaphorical “low point” in someone’s life. How they proceed to bring themselves up from these low points is usually a mystery as well. However, these low points can present themselves to ordinary people as basic, every-day problems. Many people turn to music as an outlet for their emotions. To some musicians and celebrities though, this low point can be substance abuse. Thankfully there is a way to fix it so the public does not have to look up to a challenge-ridden person.

For my entire high school career I had been a straight A 4.0 student. That was something I prided myself in. I was not prepared for what was to come after my first semester in Anatomy and Physiology. The scene outside was dismal, this winter was breaking record low temperatures across the entire US. The record low temperature for January 21st in Gaylord, Michigan had just been breached as it was -22 degrees fahrenheit according to the National Weather Service. The crisp air was cold enough to stiffen the hairs inside your nose for a good hour or so. Exposing bare skin to these frigid temperatures was almost a certain death wish. I should have taken the dismal weather as an indicator for what was yet to come.

We had just gotten off Christmas Break and it was time for exams. The locked doors of classrooms sported signs that read: Quiet, testing inside. Many high school students had their noses running from the frigid air and stuffed into a book. Others were quickly scanning the notes they had taken throughout the semester to try and cram crucial information before they met their maker on these fateful tests. I had joined in the doldrums of trying to recall everything I had been taught in the classroom. Most of my exams seemed to have gone well and I felt confident after I had finished my Anatomy test, probably too much so. I got my answer sheet back and the blood shaded ink spelled out my worst fears: 76% C. I quickly ran over to a computer to log on to Powerschool. Careful to make sure no one was watching I checked my GPA. The light blue number at the bottom of the screen read: 3.9928. It had happened. That one test had brought my entire high school career, everything that I had worked towards, to a screeching halt. I didn't cry until I was home and talked it over with my mom.

“Matthew, you’ll still be the top of your class!” My mom said in an almost consoling voice. “At least that isn't ruined.”

“That’s not what I care about! Four years just went down the drain!” I sputtered. A stream of tears rolled from both of my eyes. “Contrary to popular fuckin’ belief I work hard for my grades. Well apparently not hard enough!”

I was beaten. I never so much as faked a swear word in front of my mother, and there I was, spewing profanity. The bottom of this well I had fallen in to seemed to be endless. Nothing would make up for this. A perfect record blown to smithereens in one shot. I had turned to music as my outlet for my looming depression, as many do. The heavy metal sounds of Avenged Sevenfold, A Day to Remember, and Trivium soon filled my room and headphones for days. My mind was torn between so many shades of disappointment and rage. Was it time to just let go and not care anymore, or should I take this as a lesson that not everything in life can be what we want it to be?

Being depressed was so much easier than attempting to pull myself back together, but the day that I decided not to live in shame anymore really brightened my path. Not only had I got my last semester’s GPA up to a 4.0, but I proceeded to not let any of my classes fall below a 98%. Never before did I spend so much time on homework and so much extra effort into reading the books and taking the notes; and this semester wouldn't even count as far as my GPA and class standing was concerned. I became the student I expected myself to be. At that moment I was free of the burden. No longer would I dwell on the one grade that ruined my career. That was the greatest feeling in the world. A person cannot hold up to others’ standards of them if they don’t live up to their own.

Dealing with personal defeat is something that every human being will run into at some point in their brief time on this earth. For many people this defeat initially comes as something they can't handle and leaves them feeling mentally beaten. So what is it like for someone to have hit rock bottom and to have to pull themselves up fem the depths of despair? Sometimes the best point in a person’s life comes directly after this moment of great weakness. I dealt with my personal low by absolving myself into music. There are many cases of musicians and celebrities enduring this same phenomena.

Over the course of history, many a musician has fallen into the traps of alcohol and drug abuse. The fact of the matter is, many songs produced over the past 50 years have had some connection to substance abuse, and the general public does not care. This is as much a problem now as it was in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. Many musicians even succumb to abuse so much that it takes their life. So what is the big link between music culture and detrimental substances? One celebrity that can account his success on hitting an all-time personal low, caused by alcoholism and drug abuse, and rising up from it to newfound fame is Dave Mustaine, heavy metal frontman of Megadeth and ex-Metallica lead guitarist.

David Scott Mustaine was born in 1961, and the 60’s was a huge drug and alcohol movement in the public. His father John was quite the violent person and also a heavy drinker. As Mustaine grew older, he began to drink in excess and even dealt drugs to pay his bills. In a biography for allmusic.com, Greg Prato states: “It was during his tenure as a drug dealer that he was turned on to the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (Iron Maiden, Saxon, Motörhead, Venom) from a "client" who would offer payment in the form of albums.” That explains where he got his love for metal, but not totally where the alcohol and drugs came from. Some studies suggest that there is a link between parent substance abuse and their children's abuse. “The risk of alcoholism, psychopathology, and other medical and social problems has been reported to be greater among adult children of alcoholics than among other adults.” (Anda et al.). His newfound substance abuse would prove to attribute to the single moment that sprung his personal low.

Mustaine had continued to use drugs and alcohol even after being hired into the new and up-coming band Metallica. The other three members of the band often drank as well, which earned them the nickname “Alcoholica” by some media publications. None of the other members, however, could out-drink or out-smoke Mustaine. This soon became a concern of founders James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich. The two of them knew the consequences of alcohol. The infographic (shown on the next page) illustrates some of the many issues an alcoholic can have. Hetfield and Ulrich did not want someone in their band that would be prone to confusion, memory problems, and concentration problems; which would cause him to not play to the best of his ability. Not to mention they did not want to see a dear friend suffer a coma or even death because of it. They could not take it anymore and in 1983, they woke Mustaine up and told him that his alcoholism and abusive behavior was detrimental to their band. He was fired. That band was his world and, as Sloterdijk put it “Spheres (worlds) are constantly disquieted by their inevitable instability: like happiness and glass, they bear the risks native to everything that shatters easily.” That sphere Mustaine had shattered very easily. The one thing that he had wanted since he was a teenager had been ripped away. This was his personal low, that he brought upon himself. In Metallica’s documentary Some Kind of Monster he and Lars Ulrich sat down and had a heart-to-heart about his firing. He told Ulrich this: “I had nothing, then I had everything, then I had nothing again.” He knew that he had hit the bottom again and had to start all over. The long bus ride from New York to California gave Mustaine ample time to think and reassess his situation. His all-time low was caused by substance abuse and it had brought out the drive in him to rise up and better every part of his being.

The rest of the 80’s were rough on Mustaine too. He formed his own band, Megadeth, and continued to use substances. Then in 1989 he was arrested for impaired driving and was found to have multiple drugs in his system. The authorities then forced him to join a rehabilitation program (the first of many he would partake in). Rehab programs in the 90’s were widely expanding. One article for the American Correctional Association, Inc. stated that in 1996 “Congress has authorized spending $270 million for the first five years of the program, the largest sum ever for the development and enhancement of substance abuse treatment programs in state and local correctional facilities.” He was getting the best help of his time, and soon enough, he was sober and making great music. This was just what Dave Mustaine needed; an extra nudge in the right direction to get him out of the well once and for all. He came back better than ever. Even though there seemed to be a revolving door of members in the band one thing was certain, Megadeth had hit the stage as one of the top heavy metal bands of the time. They were often compared to the success of Metallica, but that did not stop Dave Mustaine from making a name for himself and his band. He achieved a newfound greatness, but it was only after hitting a huge personal downfall caused by substance abuse.

So many celebrities, not exclusively musicians, have hit major personal crises that they must either overcome or just fold over and give up. Today there are loads of accounts of this roller coaster effect happening to people like Robert Downey Jr., Ozzy Osbourne, Charlie Sheen, Drew Barrymore, Heath Ledger, Jamie Lee Curtis, and so many more. Some people don't make it through their hardships but the ones that survive personal downfalls like substance abuse and come back with greatness are the people that the public loves. These celebrities are the true feel-good stories because they came out of their issues stronger than ever.

These can’t be the only stories that the public hears, however. The more bad influences that are out there, the more likely innocent, misguided people will fall into those footsteps. Not every celebrity gets clean and sober after hitting that personal low.

Let's face it, the world is full of drunken loser-celebrities that "hit the big time" and many Americans look up to these people and often times do not notice their faults. Some people are even famous for being substance abusers. There are countless stories of celebrities dying from substances. For instance, in a Baylor University Medical Center Proceedings article found on the National Institutes of Health website has a "27 Club" of celebrities who have died at the young age of 27 due to substance problems. That list includes: Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain. These were all very inspiring musicians that had substance abuse problems. Many aspiring musicians look up to these people as role models. This isn't a terrible thing to do, but it could lead to the same sorts of abuse. This proposal suggests that the media “hype up” great musicians and celebrities that have not had any problems with substances and promote them as role models. This should ease part of the problem with substance abuse; and any help is better than none. Celebrity hype can be done by all sorts of means such as: commercials, popular magazine articles, benefit concerts, etc.

Today the most influential forms of media seem to be the internet and social media. The best results will come from using a source that people will see and make them think twice about who they look up to. There are many influential, sober people to choose from as well. Leonardo DiCaprio is one of them. He would be a great choice for the clean role model. He told US Magazine of his own personal account: “Never done it,” DiCaprio said about drugs. “That's because I saw this stuff literally every day when I was 3 or 4 years old. So Hollywood was a walk in the park for me.” He is a “women want to be with him, and men want to be him” kind of celebrity; and if he was the poster child for sobriety, then people will follow in that path. The more good influences like that that the public has, the better chance there is of a cleaner population. People will see that drugs and alcohol do not need to be involved for a them to become successful. They won’t need to hit an all time personal low to push them to work harder, they’ll just do it on their own.

The major event that needs to take place is that Mr. DiCaprio needs to agree to shoot a set of commercials that could air on national television, YouTube channels, Facebook, and other social gathering sites. A well-known celebrity like him would draw attention to the masses, and they will listen. This is not a new tactic; it is simply the utilization of an old one that works, for a particular cause: sobriety. This cause could be linked up with non-profit organizations that have a similar mission and they could fundraise for the costs of the filming and the airing. There aren’t many obstacles in the way of this proposal, and it would have a great impact.

Substance abuse is on the rise in our great nation, and something must be done about it. This plan is far from a cure-all; however, if it prevents just one impressionable young teenager from getting into that dangerous situation, that is a success. The path to a clean and sober United States will be a long and painstaking one, but every step of the way that aids in this cause will help. No longer will people feel like they need to suffer a terrible past to push them into a brighter future. The brighter future will just come right up to them. They can take solace in knowing the person they look up to is truly a great role model.

Challenges are faced by people, both ordinary and famous, everyday. The intensity of these personal dilemmas ranges greatly. Human instinct is the want to push through a challenge and come out stronger than ever. This gives life to the “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” adage. Even simple problems such as a bad grade in school can be real detrimental to a person. The public’s general feeling is that in order for a person to become successful they have to undergo some form of a threatening entity: the personal low. This is not the case. Every individual is great in their own way, and they don’t need to be a hero to prove it.

Works Cited

Anda, R. F., et al. “Adverse childhood experiences, alcoholic parents, and later risk of alcoholism and depression.” Psychiatric Services 1 Aug. 2002: n. pag. Gale Power Search. Web. 25 Sept. 2014

Eggenberger, Nicole. “Leonardo DiCaprio: I’ve ‘Never Done’ Drugs.” Celebrity News. US Magazine. US Weekly, 7 Feb. 2014. Web. 9 Oct. 2014.

“Gaylord, MI: Record Temperatures.” National Weather Service Weather Forecast Office. National Weather Service, 2014. Web. 5 Sept. 2014

Lakeview Health. Consequences of Alcohol. 2013. Infographic. lakeviewhealth.com. Web. 24 Sept. 2014

Lathan, S. Robert. "Celebrities and Substance Abuse." Baylor University Medical CenterProceedings 22.4 (2009): 339-41. Web. 8 Oct. 2014.

Lipton, Douglas S. "Therapeutic communities: history, effectiveness and prospects." Corrections Today (1998): 106+. Gale Power Search. Web. 26 Sept. 2014.

Prato, Greg. “Dave Mustaine Artist Biography by Greg Prato” allmusic.com. All Media Network, LLC, n.d. Web. 24 Sept. 2014

Sloterdijk, Peter. Bubbles: Spheres Volume I: Microspherology. Los Angeles: Semiotext(e), 2011. Print.

Some Kind of Monster. Dir. Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky. Perf. Lars Ulrich and Dave Mustaine. Paramount Pictures, 2004. Film.