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5 Adoring Core Competency AreasAdoring your body can seems like a tall order. Where to begin? How not to feel bad about yet another “to-do” that it seems like we are failing?

Here’s the thing—we were never taught to adore ourselves, so I urge you to GO EASY on yourself! We are all beginners at this! And hopefully, these areas of consideration—what I’m calling competencies—will help you have some solid ground to stand on as you think of ways to grow your adoration for your body.

Adoring Core Competency Area #1: Injury and Illness. The ways that we are cruel to our bodies begin here with small, daily occurrences. And, we have an opportunity to alter that relationship, every day, through small behavior adjustments. Here are some ideas!

If you’re injured and continuing your yoga practice, you need to modify the postures. If you’re not sure how, find a skilled instructor who can help you figure out what to do in the poses that threaten your injury.

If you are sick (like a cold, or a headache, or something like that): don’t go to work! Don’t “push through.” Rest.

Copyright Erica Mather and Muses Productions, 2017. All rights reserved. Do not copy, distribute, plagiarize, or teach without Erica Mather’s written permission.

If you are tired, notice that, and adjust your routine accordingly. Can you go to sleep earlier? Can you catch a 20-minute nap? Could you put your legs up the wall at your office?

What are some other ways you can think of that you could better support you body if you are injured, or ill? List them here!

Adoring Core Competency Area #2: Weight. If you gain some weight. Wait. Don’t do anything. Often people gain weight and freak out. They think it’s a bad thing to gain weight. And why wouldn’t we? Everything about our society tells us that to be thin is to be virtuous and to be fat is to be reviled. But, I ask you, why do we buy into this? Have we really thought it through? Where did this construct come from? How does it fit into a historical context? What is the function of this ideology?

There was a time when being thin was unattractive and being fat was IT. These ideals as not inherently “good” or “bad.” We have decided that they are. And we can “un-decide.”So, if you gain three pounds or five, or twenty, refrain from: Putting yourself on a diet, cleanse, or juice fast Doubling down on your exercise regime Thinking doomsday thoughts

Instead: Get curious about what your body is doing, and why. Remember—IT IS NOT A MACHINE!

Is it responding to the season? Is it building new hair, bones, or fingernails?

Is it SICK? (See Core Competency #1)

When your body puts on some pounds, its not “doing it to you.” It has its own agenda, which you mostly know nothing about.

So, get curious. Curiosity is part of “adoring.”


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Adoring Core Competency Area #3: Thoughts and Speech. Watch the way you talk about your body. Watch the way you THINK about other people’s bodies.

Very often we think and say derogatory things about our bodies. There are so very many reasons that we do this. I ask you this: does it actually help? Honest assessment here, please. And then: STOP. Just, stop.

Often we think ill thoughts about other people: Why did she think wearing that was O.K.? Fashion FAIL! Looks like she’s put on a few pounds. Getting wrinkles! She’s aged badly…

Take your pick of cruel thoughts. But here’s the deal: those are fears about yourself that you have projected onto other people. So, instead of doing a silent mental laceration of another human being, shift into a place of curiosity and compassion.

Try these thoughts Instead:

Wow, what an original outfit! I wonder what made her think to put those things together today. Or, maybe she was just down to the very last clean items. Haha! I know what that feels like!

She’s got such a cute look: no matter whether she’s a little thinner or a little heavier, I just adore everything about her.

Wrinkles are so great. They show a life-line on the face. Hopefully there’s a lot of laughs there! I hope that the past few years haven’t been too hard on her…Maybe I should check in…

The Basic Skill is shifting from a place of judgment into a place of curiosity. Life is hard. People suffer. Their suffering will show up, on their bodies, in their faces, through more and more grey hairs and wrinkles.

SO. These are the skills:

Be curious about other people’s joys and sorrows. Be compassionate about the toll LIFE has taken on them. Think kind thoughts.


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Speak gracious words. If you catch yourself doing the opposite—no need to beat yourself up! Just make a quick shift into this new space.

Adoring Core Competency Area #4: FOOD. A word or twelve about food: We live in a “diet culture.”

What does that mean, you ask?

It means that in our society, dieting is considered compulsory and a sign of virtue, especially for women.

Here’s what I’ve got to say about that: No one knows better than your body does what it needs to eat.

The entire process of undoing ideas of “I should eat this” or “I shouldn’t eat that” can take many years. But in the end, no book, no other human or “authority figure” can figure out for you what you need to eat. It’s a private and intimate conversation between you and your body. And, believe me, your body WANTS to eat nutritious, yummy food! So, consider “adoring” to include going on a quest to find out what your body really wants, when, and how much.

And side note: no body likes to be starved. Don’t do it. Don’t do it ever again.

Explore these food-related behaviors Instead:

Try new foods. Find out if you like them. Notice how your body FEELS when you eat them…

Treat eating as a new endeavor every time. Like you were a baby discovering what you like, and don’t like. We’ve been heavily programmed to think some foods are “good” and others are “bad.”

If an absence of “rules” makes you feel uncomfortable, I like a hybrid Michael Pollan, Nina Plank approach.

Eat mostly vegetables. Not too much. Drink plenty of water. If your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize what you’re eating as “food” it

probably isn’t.


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Know that compulsion and love cannot co-exist. As best you can, start to unwind our deeply habituated compulsions around eating and food. Find ways to cultivate LOVE in its stead.

One of the reasons I stopped counseling people around food and eating (which I did for a while) was because people often wanted to lose weight and wanted me to tell them how, because, for a time I was really good at it. But--! I realized that I thought the entire project of weight loss was fundamentally undermining of women’s power. AND, I felt the fraud, because the be-all, end-all truth is that no one knows your own body the way that you will. There was no truthful, honest way that I could say, “eat this way, and it will all work out fine!” But, getting to know the body, and what it wants to eat is an investment is self-study. It takes time. It takes curiosity. It takes being more interested in the process that in the outcome. And that, may not be something you are willing to do. YET.

SO. These are the skills:(Notice how they repeat?)

Be curious.Be compassionate. Think kind thoughts. Speak gracious words.

Adoring Core Competency Area #5: TOUCH. Be sweet, and gentle, and generous with touch.

When you touch your own body—if you pay attention carefully—you might be surprised to discover that you poke, prod, pinch, twist, scratch, HIT.

Most of these are probably not experiences that a person would submit to as a form of receiving love.

Begin the process of building an adoring relationship with your body by touching it in ways that it responds to favorably. Be respectful. Be gentle. Be kind. These are ideals that can go along with “adoring.”

Explore:

How do you like to be touched? (It doesn’t have to be sexual to answer this question!)


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How do you like TO touch? DO you like to touch other things, or animals, or people?

Are there sensations on your skin that you find particularly delightful? Certain fabrics? Temperatures? What about water? How do you feel about that? Or sand? Or WIND? Seek out these sensational experiences, to delight, and adore your body.


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