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Session 8Session 8

The Quest for Authentic ManhoodThe Quest for Authentic Manhood

A DEFINITION …A DEFINITION …

An unhealthyAn unhealthy emotional emotional relationship with Mother that relationship with Mother that causes a son to either becauses a son to either be threatenedthreatened by the influence of by the influence of women later on in life or towomen later on in life or to over-over-identifyidentify and becomeand become submissivesubmissive to to that influence.that influence.

MAJOR CONSEQUENCESMAJOR CONSEQUENCES

1.1. Sons can become overly Sons can become overly passivepassive in regard to women.in regard to women.– Soft MaleSoft Male ( (fantasy / pornographyfantasy / pornography))– Feminized ManFeminized Man– Passive HusbandPassive Husband

MAJOR CONSEQUENCESMAJOR CONSEQUENCES

2. Sons can become overly 2. Sons can become overly dominantdominant in regard to women.in regard to women.– Conquering MasculinityConquering Masculinity

(in extreme cases, (in extreme cases, violenceviolence, , abuseabuse, , affairsaffairs, , raperape, etc.), etc.)

– Fierce IndependenceFierce Independence(fear of being (fear of being vulnerablevulnerable) )

– Demanding HusbandDemanding Husband

And as they were returning, after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus

stayed behind in Jerusalem. But His parents were unaware of it, but supposed Him to be in the caravan, and went a day’s journey; and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. When they did not find Him,

they returned to Jerusalem looking for Him. Then, after three days they found Him in the

temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions.

RELATIONAL CLARITY

And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. When they

saw Him, they were astonished; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You

treated us this way? Behold, Your father and I have been anxiously looking for You.”

And He said to them, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that

I had to be in My Father’s house?” But they did not understand the statement which

He had made to them.

Luke 2:43-50

RELATIONAL CLARITY

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. When the wine ran out, the mother of

Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what do I have to do with you?

My hour has not yet come.”

John 2:1-4

SOCIAL CLARITY

While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak with Him. Someone said to Him, “Behold,

Your mother and brothers are standing outside seeking to speak with You.” But Jesus answered the

one who was telling Him and said, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And stretching out His

hand toward His disciples, He said, “Behold My mother and

My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My

brother and sister and mother.”

Matthew 12:46-50

SPIRITUAL CLARITY

And there were standing by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of

Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that

hour the disciple took her into his own household.

John 19:25-27

A HEALTHY ENDING

Always start with the understandingAlways start with the understandingthat breaking Mom’s over-involvementthat breaking Mom’s over-involvement

is good for youis good for you and herand her. . AuthenticAuthenticmanhoodmanhood is impossibleis impossible without it.without it.

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

Recognize that your ultimate goal Recognize that your ultimate goal is to become a man whose vision is is to become a man whose vision is fixed on what fixed on what God thinksGod thinks,, not what not what

Mom thinksMom thinks..

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

Recognize that your ultimate goal Recognize that your ultimate goal is to become a man whose vision is is to become a man whose vision is fixed on what fixed on what God thinksGod thinks,, not what not what

Mom thinksMom thinks..

““He who loves father and mother He who loves father and mother more than Me is not worthy of Me …”more than Me is not worthy of Me …”

Matthew 10:37Matthew 10:37

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

Stop complaining or struggling with Mom.Stop complaining or struggling with Mom.If you have this wound, get the If you have this wound, get the supportsupport,,encouragement, and help you need fromencouragement, and help you need fromother men (or a counselor)other men (or a counselor) and develop and developa a planplan for healthy independence from for healthy independence fromMom. Invite their feedback to avoidMom. Invite their feedback to avoid

serious serious errorserrors in making a healthy break. in making a healthy break.

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

1.1. This plan should address This plan should address specific issuesspecific issues that are troublesome with that are troublesome with specific specific applicationsapplications..

2.2. This plan should establish time-tested This plan should establish time-tested boundariesboundaries for how you and Mom will for how you and Mom will interact in the future.interact in the future.

3.3. This plan should include clear This plan should include clear consequencesconsequences attached to attached to boundary violations.boundary violations.

Communicate your Communicate your planplan in one of the in one of the following ways to your Mom and stand following ways to your Mom and stand your ground regardless of how she your ground regardless of how she responds.responds.

• Through a new way of Through a new way of relatingrelating• Through aThrough a face-to-face meetingface-to-face meeting

(if necessary)(if necessary)

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

Use the Use the men in your lifemen in your lifeto “report back to” for to “report back to” for

clarity, encouragement, clarity, encouragement, and accountability.and accountability.

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

If you are married, tell your wife If you are married, tell your wife you recognize the problem with an you recognize the problem with an interfering Mom and that interfering Mom and that youyou will will take responsibility to correct it. take responsibility to correct it. Ask for her support and prayers, Ask for her support and prayers, but ask her but ask her notnot to get involved. to get involved.

It’s your problem … not hers.It’s your problem … not hers.

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

In some cases, your efforts to establishIn some cases, your efforts to establisha healthy relationship with Mom willa healthy relationship with Mom will

result in a time of result in a time of emotional punishmentemotional punishmentor even your Mom’s or even your Mom’s angry withdrawalangry withdrawal..

Do not be derailed by this!Do not be derailed by this!In time, In time, she will adjustshe will adjust..

FOR HEALING THIS WOUNDFOR HEALING THIS WOUND

THE CRITICAL NEED TODAYTHE CRITICAL NEED TODAYIS FOR FATHERSIS FOR FATHERS TO CALLTO CALL

TEENAGE SONSTEENAGE SONS AWAYAWAY FROMFROMDEPENDENCY ON MOMDEPENDENCY ON MOM

TO MANHOOD.TO MANHOOD.

THIS CALL AWAY …THIS CALL AWAY …

• Needs to be Needs to be clear and directclear and direct

• Needs to be Needs to be embracedembraced by the son, the by the son, the dad, and the mom to be effectivedad, and the mom to be effective

• Needs to employ Needs to employ ceremonyceremony

The The “legs”“legs” of masculinity of masculinity (weak or strong) on which (weak or strong) on which

a man stands are a man stands are established at home.established at home.

START WORK ON YOUR START WORK ON YOUR MANHOOD PLAN MANHOOD PLAN

NOWNOW!!

CONCLUSIONCONCLUSION