what is meditation? - anxiety relief techniques · he titled it, 10% happier: how i tamed the voice...
TRANSCRIPT
What is Meditation?
Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to
tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus
on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.
You may think of meditation
and believe it has a religious
or spiritual meaning, but
that’s not always true. Many
people, including agnostics,
find meditation to be
beneficial and use it when
they need serenity.
There are several different
types of meditation but here
are a few of the most popular
forms:
Guided Meditation
This is a form of meditation
where a mentor or teacher
encourages someone to
visualize a certain outcome.
For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where
his players imagine winning the game.
Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks.
During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with
water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.
But not Michael. He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his
eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and
breaking the world record.
Mantra as Meditation
Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra.
The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra
about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.
If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with
nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am
worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”
During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or
you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get
easier after a few sessions to stay on track.
Mindfulness as
Meditation
Another form of meditation is
mindfulness. It’s focused on
staying in the moment without
fear or judgement. Rather, you
become an observer of your
inner self.
As part of your mindfulness, you
can sit or lie comfortably and
listen to your thoughts. The key
is not to react to what you’re
thinking. For example, you think
about cookies in the kitchen but
then remember you’re supposed
to be on a diet. You instantly feel
guilt and shame.
In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy
and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how
your thoughts are shaping your life.
There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t
enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best
for you.
Journal Your Thoughts
1. Have you tried meditation? If not, what's holding you back from starting?
2. What areas of your life would you like to improve through meditation?
3. What forms of meditation appeal to you the most?
Using Meditation to Ease Stress and
Calm Anxiety
Dan Harris was a news anchor that battled insecurities. Since he was secretly worried
that he wasn’t good enough, Dan pushed himself to excel professionally. He spent
years living in war zones covering the global war on terror.
But when Dan returned from these high-stress assignments, he had difficulty
readjusting to everyday life.
He felt like his mind was
always ‘on’ and he struggled
to find a way to quiet his
thoughts. So, he started using
illegal substances.
His recreational use
eventually caused an on-air
panic attack in 2004.
Determined to find a better
way to cope with his
problems, Dan began to study
how the human mind works.
What he found surprised him.
Recognizing Your Inner
Narrator
Everyone has an inner voice.
It’s the narrator that plays in
your head from the moment you wake up until you go back to bed. Sometimes, the
inner narrator is kind and loving, helping you to see yourself in the best light.
But most people struggle with their inner narrator. They regularly think things like, “I’m
not good enough at my job. Everyone’s going to find out I’m a fraud. I have no self-
control and that’s why I can’t lose weight/get a better job/have the life I want.”
Sometimes, your inner voice can be helpful. For example when you hurt someone
else’s feelings with a sharp reply, you may feel instant guilt. You find yourself thinking, “I
should apologize.” So you offer an apology and try to carry on with the rest of the day.
Dealing with Your Inner
Narrator
The problem comes when you lose the
ability to shut off your narrator and
seriously question what she’s telling
you. When that happens, you may turn
to avoidance techniques and try to
medicate yourself through overeating,
recreational drug use, excessive
drinking and other destructive
behaviors.
But like Dan learned, these are
bandage solutions. They don’t really
solve the problem, but they do make
you temporarily feel better…until they
don’t.
Quieting Your Inner Narrator
After months of study, Dan found that the solution to dealing with his inner narrator was
meditation. At first, he was resistant to the idea but he found modern science supported
the benefits of meditation.
Dan is quick to note that meditation isn’t a cure-all, but he does believe it works. He now
uses meditation to quiet his inner narrator and ease his stress.
He was so inspired by his meditation that Dan went on to write a book on the subject.
He titled it, 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress
Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story.
You can find it at your local bookstore or online.
In an interview with Big Think, Dan says, “I always thought that meditation was
ridiculous. Now I’m a daily meditator and even worse, I’m a public evangelist for
meditation.”
Journal Your Thoughts
1. Have you or has someone you loved ever had a panic attack? What was the
experience like?
2. What are some things you hear your inner narrator say to you a lot?
3. Looking at your list, is there any truth to what the narrator is saying? What would your
life be like if you changed the narrative?
Common Meditation Struggles
For most people, meditation doesn’t come naturally—at least, not at first. This can be
frustrating and make you wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You may even be
tempted to quit meditating before you experience any benefits. But before you do that,
look at these three common meditation struggles and see if the solutions below work for
you.
Struggle #1: Expecting to Feel Good
or Different
You’ve tried several forms of meditation.
You’ve looked up meditative chants and tried
to connect with your inner self. But you’ve yet
to feel good or different. You feel like the
same old you and you’re wondering why.
Imagine you had one hundred pounds to lose
and you were serious about taking the weight
off. You’d probably join a gym and spend
months working out. You show up several
times a week to run on the treadmill or lift
weights. But after a while, you notice that not every gym session feels amazing. Once
the initial excitement wore off, it just felt downright hard.
It’s the same concept with meditation. Sure, you have amazing sessions that make you
feel like you’re making massive progress. But most sessions aren’t going to feel that
way. Most will be challenging. The key is to remind yourself that even though it’s hard,
meditation is important for your well-being.
Struggle #2: Hating the Sound of Silence
When you live a busy, hectic lifestyle you’re surrounded by constant noise even if you
don’t realize it. Your laptop hums, the lights buzz, and car horns out your window beep.
Your co-worker is having a phone conversation, the radio is playing, and your phone is
chirping.
It’s no wonder silence can feel awkward and uncomfortable. If you’re just getting
started with meditation and you find the silence too much, try adding white noise. You
can listen to white noise through a website like Simply Noise. There are also white
noise generators apps that you can purchase and use on your smart device.
If you don’t enjoy white noise, you
could also use a resource like
YouTube. Visit the website on your
smart device or laptop and look for
meditation music. There are millions
of videos featuring relaxing
soundtracks that will allow you to slip
into a mediational space.
Struggle #3: Getting Restless
During Sessions
You can sit comfortably at your TV or
computer for hours on end and never
budge. But the moment you get quiet
and settle down for meditation, you
suddenly feel like you can’t sit still.
Don’t feel bad if this happens to you. Your body is just struggling with the transition from
movement to stillness. If you were driving your car at 65 miles per hour and you
suddenly turned onto a road where the speed limit was only 15 miles per hour, you’d
feel tense at first, almost like you were driving in slow motion.
It’s a similar feeling when you meditate. You’ve been stuck in fast forward since you
woke up and slowing down doesn’t feel natural. So, be patient with yourself if you get
restless during meditation. Your body is simply adjusting to a different speed.
Don’t look at meditation as something to be achieved, see it as a journey you’re taking.
Your goal is to enjoy the process and learn from it.
Journal Your Thoughts
1. When it comes to meditation, what do you struggle with?
2. What do you wish you'd known about meditation when you'd first started?
3. Do you feel restless when you try to meditate? Where in your body does this feeling
come from?
How Meditation Improves Your
Relationships
When it comes to meditation, some people are quick to point out its health benefits like
lowered blood pressure and decreased anxiety. But meditation doesn’t just affect your
physical health. It can also affect the health of your relationships. Here are just a few of
the relationship benefits you’ll get if you regularly practice mediation:
The Ability to Listen
Meditation teaches you how to be
present in the moment. It gives you
the chance to check in with your
mind and body. But more
importantly, it shows you how to
listen. This can come in handy when
it comes to defusing arguments with
your partner and loved ones.
You and your partner frequently
argue over who should unload the
dishes from the dishwasher. One
morning, your spouse is particularly
mad that dishes are still in the
appliance. Normally, when your
spouse gets angry at you over this,
your go-to response is defensive.
But if you’ve been meditating, then you know to slow down and tune into your partner.
You notice the bags under her eyes and say, “Hey, babe. I’ll handle the unloading
today. You look tired. Is there something else I could take off your plate?”
The Ability to Step Back
Sometimes, loved ones disappoint us. On those days, it’s easy to start focusing on
everything you do and everything your loved one doesn’t do.
You might fume to a co-worker, “I chauffer the kids every evening so he can have time
to de-stress after work. But he complains when I ask him to do something simple like
pack the children’s lunch bags.”
Meditating helps you remember that the universe is vast and these problems are small
in the scheme of things. It doesn’t mean you’re not irritated. It just means you don’t let
that irritation develop into a huge fight next time you see your spouse.
The Ability to Show Compassion
Your friend who routinely quits her jobs is whining about money problems again. You
love your friend but she always creates her own problems then asks you for a solution.
Meditating allows you to feel
compassion for her without
getting sucked into her drama.
You emphasize with her lack of
money by saying, “It stinks
when finances are tight. But
things will get better if you
hang in there.”
Then you change the subject
of the conversation. Your
friend feels like she was heard
and you avoided the usual
theatrics. That’s a win-win.
Meditation is a good practice
that can benefit your life in
many ways. But like all
practices, you get out of what
you’re willing to put into it. That
means you have to make meditation a priority and do it regularly in order to reap all the
good benefits for your relationships.
Journal Your Thoughts
1. How has meditation helped you manage your relationships?
2. What do you and a loved one normally fight over? Is there a way you could defuse
this tension?
3. What do you want to do differently in your relationships?
Make Meditation Work for You
You’ve tried getting into meditation before but you didn’t stick with it. Maybe you didn’t
enjoy the process. Maybe you had a teacher that was fixated on making sure you were
doing it right. Maybe you found it was too hard to control your thoughts.
Whatever the reason, you gave up. But that doesn’t mean you can’t pick up meditation
again. Instead of approaching it as another item on your to-do list, look at it as a form of
self-care. The trick is to make meditation work for you and not against you. Here are
some tips to get you started meditating again.
Experiment with Different Times of Day
Some people swear by morning meditation. They get up earlier than anyone else in
their household and spend twenty or thirty minutes meditating. It’s what works for them.
But that doesn’t mean you have to meditate in the morning. You might find that you
prefer to meditate in the early afternoon when you can enjoy the sunshine that comes
through your window. Or maybe you find meditating before bed a simple and relaxing
way to drop off to sleep.
It doesn’t matter what time of day
that you meditate. There is no right
or wrong time. There’s only the
present and how you choose to
enjoy it.
Give Yourself Something
Visual
Some people complain that when
they try to meditate, they can’t
concentrate. There are still dozens
of thoughts they can’t seem to
release and they feel restless, too.
If that describes you, don’t fret.
You may need to have something
visual to look at during your
meditation sessions. You might try focusing your attention on a flickering candle or
mediating while you stare at your vision board. If you can’t burn a candle physically, go
to a site like YouTube and search for burning candle for meditation. Several videos will
appear that you can choose from.
Pick a Safe Space
When it comes to meditating, it’s important to choose to do so in a spot where you feel
safe. If you have an
emotionally volatile
spouse who explodes
into rage in the kitchen,
you may have trouble
meditating in that room of
your house.
Some people dealing
with trauma find it’s
helpful to meditate in
small, closed spaces like
inside a closet or
underneath a desk. This
gives them a feeling of
safety and allows them to
slip into a meditative
state.
Don’t give up on
meditation right away if
you don’t enjoy it.
Instead, look at meditation as an experiment and try different styles and techniques until
you find what you enjoy.
Journal Your Thoughts
1. Have you tried meditating at different times during the day? Which time did you find
most enjoyable?
2. What do you like to focus on during a meditation session?
3. What space do you love meditating in?