Contents Foreword by the Rt. Reverend John Thornton ix

part i: changes and chances

1. At the Heart of Aging 3

2. Learning Death, Choosing Life 13

3. Prayer and the Aging Process 31

4. Losses 43

5. Turn Back 59

part ii: looking inward

6. The Night 73

7. Pleasure 87

8. Can Older Be Holier? 103

9. Creativity and Your Spirit 119

10. How Shall We Live, Now? 127

part iii: steps in the journey

11. Friends and Counselors 145

12. Cleaning Out the Heart 161

vii

13. To Follow Thee More Nearly 175

14. The Contribution 197

15. Overcoming Death 207

part iv: to see thee face to face

16. Letting Go 217

17. Longing 229

18. The Bread of Life 239

19. Resurrection 249

20. The Sacrament of Time 261

Suggested Reading 275Scriptures for Lectio Divina 279Index 283

viii c o n t e n t s

p a r t i

Changes and ChancesBe present, O merciful God, and protect us‑.‑.‑.

so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness‑.‑.‑.

–from the ancient Service of Compline

c h a p t e r o n e

At the Heart of AgingTruly I tell you, there are some standing here who

will not taste death until they see that the kingdom of God has come with power.

Mark 9:1

At fifteen I set my heart upon learning.At thirty I established myself in accordance with ritual.

At forty I no longer had perplexities.At f ifty I knew the Mandate of Heaven.

At sixty I was at ease with whatever I heard.At seventy I could follow my heart’s desire without

transgressing the boundaries of right.Confucius

My father said you could tel l t h e s t o r y

of your life by what happened while you were here. “I saw the very first automobile come into our town,” he said, “and I saw men walk on the moon. That’s how different the world became in my lifetime.” And

�

how different he became over those years: he started out holding a small god in an ornate box and ended up knowing the vast and universal God. Events shape people, and the oldest generation, over age sixty or so, was shaped by a lifetime of wars: World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Grenada, the Gulf, the cold war, and the war against terrorism. Hiroshima. Nagasaki.

We remember good things, too: the Salk and Sabin vaccines for polio and the end of smallpox. We saw Univac as the miracle of the fifties, and now most of us own personal computers that are enormously faster and more powerful than that “miracle.” We were born when radio wasn’t too old, and now we have not only color TV but also DVD players and cell phones that do everything except fix breakfast. When I was young I used a huge Speed Graphic camera on my first newspaper job; now I have a little point-and-shoot that takes better pictures as well as a high-resolution scanner whose results I like even better than those of a digital Nikon.

Open the family album and you can look back at yourself as a baby in a snowsuit, a thin child riding a horse, and a scowling teenager; you see yourself graduat-ing from college and maybe holding your children and grandchildren. The greatest gift of your age is also the

� p a r t i : c h a n g e s a n d c h a n c e s

ability to look back at your spiritual life. In your mental album you can trace the progress you’ve made in prayer and review the times you thought you’d lost your faith. You can remember when you shook your fist at heaven because a child died or a president was assassinated and when you were so inspired you thought you’d discovered the central secret of life in Christ (until you found the next one). You have probably begun to enjoy some of the changes of older age: the wisdom that comes with matu-rity, a deeper and more directed prayer life, and a firmer grasp on your relationship with God.

The Difference Death Makes

You may not be so enthusiastic about the fact that age also brings physical limitation and maybe mental or emotional weakness, but even these factors can enhance spirituality rather than impede it. Prayer and spiritual experience at sixty or seventy are not what they were at thirty or fifty. As you age, you pray. And pray differ-ently.

OK, someone says, so what is this spirituality of aging, and how is it really so changed from what came

a t t h e h e a r t o f a g i n g �

previously? I pray as usual; I’ve always gone to church and thought about God; I’ve been praying the rosary or singing in the choir all my life. Is something magically going to change on the day I turn sixty or sixty-five?

Yes. Something will happen. The something that makes a difference is death, and spiritual change begins on the day when, consciously or otherwise, you begin to acknowledge your mortality. The older you get, the more closely that old enemy stalks you and reminds you in a dry, rattling voice that you aren’t going to live forever. Sooner or later, the voice insists, you’ll leave this world and the people in it—and it may be sooner than later.

Whether you live to be sixty-eight or ninety-five or a hundred fifteen, death is present all the time in the everyday life of an older person, singing its song and shaking its bony finger. And the presence of death means that your prayers are more urgent, your hymn singing more tearful, and your churchgoing shot through with the challenge of letting go of this life and pleading with God for another. Confronting death is the major spiri-tual exercise of aging. You have to transcend being afraid of the end and arrive at the place where the unmistakable signs of your mortality—including old age’s physical or mental breakdowns and the financial surprises that can

� p a r t i : c h a n g e s a n d c h a n c e s

Embracing Spir i tual Change

as You Agek r i s t e n j o h n s o n i n g r a m

Embracing Spiritual

Change as You Age

oes getting older mean growing holier? Is aging all about a decrease in energy and ability, or is it true that the later decades really are the “golden years”?

Kristen Johnson Ingram explores these questions as she guides readers through the physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation associated with the aging process. Recognizing that our relationship with faith changes as we age, she offers ideas for living fully and embracing belief with integrity. Her words confirm and encourage our human desire to know God in this world and the next.

“Whether you are eighty-three or thirty-eight, reading and savoring Wine at the End of the Feast will sharpen your appetite for God, deepen your appreciation of others, and expand your joy in daily life.” —John S. Mogabgab, editor of Weavings

“Opinionated and personal, discerning and candid, this book adds a luster of insight to the golden years.” —PubliSherS Weekly

kristen johnson ingram is an accomplished author, writing instructor, and facilitator of workshops for suicide prevention and centering prayer. She has contributed to numerous periodicals, including the Christian Century and Catholic Digest.

Wine at the End of the Feast

ing

ra

m W

ine at the End of the Feast

Spirituality/Aging $13.95