work zine vol issue 7

8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7

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2/21

Remember the joy and ecstasy you felt when you

attained your first degree? Resplendent in your

graduation gown, you were on top of the world.

Though you knew you had to search for a job, you

knew a part of life was over. The part of reading

books, oh yes. You had conquered that part.

Brandishing your degree like a sword, you shouted

Veni! Vidi!! Vici!! Right now, you probably wonder

what all the hullabaloo was about. Reason being that

a mountain of books is staring right at you with a

grin on its face. Gilbert, AFDB, spends almost every

spare minute of his reading up for his masters. His

mood is grim , I have to read for tests and also do my

own work assignments. I am stopping at Masters. I

swear. in his words lie the torment of may a worker:

how to balance work and books? Yet further studies

are necessary. Claire, a human resource consultant

with JCL , says it cant be avoided, unless one is

self employed, one has to go fro further studies.

Academic qualifications are still an integral part of

what employers use to sieve out all the applications

they get. Skills matter but so do papers. Mimi , a

lawyer with shell, is puzzled by that : academic stuff

can only take thus far. I remember people in class

who were always in the top percentile but they have

amounted to squat. I have my skills and I use those to

get ahead. I dont lay stock in papers anymore. Bob

is currently pursuing his masters in the UK : I know

that the world still considers educational achievement

so I decided to do my bachelors and masters at a go.

Get this over and done with. Faridah is India on the

same track : I worked for a year and hit a promotional

ceiling. Decided to get books out of the way. others

dont have the luck or ability to study on its own, they

often have to juggle books, job , family , and social

commitments. Diana, a corporate banker completing

her ACCA , knows the situation to well : People no

longer call me even when am free because most times

I am not. I dont do parties anymore. I have no social

life. Andrew, self employed, tried doing ACCA, the

stuff was hazardous to my health. Reading all the time

and attending class while trying to make a buck is

hard. I will make my money and wait for universities

to confer degrees on me. Shariam , a pharmacist

rues the day she enrolled for another course: I dont

know how many friends I have lost. Any time there

is something to do, I am either to tired to hang out

or I have to read for a test or complete a work task.

Who ever came up with the idea of formal education

deserves a bullet through the brain. When all is said

and done, the bitter fact remains that one cant escape

going for more studies in todays world. Even the

self employed has to do so. One has to learn to do a

tight balancing act and even sacrifice some things to

achieve what you want. Advice is to be careful what

you sacrifice. And when you do, learn to deal with

your sacrifice.

To Work and Studydier of Fortunerests the hill as the sun slowly reachesor the embrace o the horizon; the

rt is hotter than he imagined it. All

nd him is a land that is slowly alling to

esert, the sand is relentless. Even now

an hear it in the wind, a storm is coming

he longs or the cool elds back home.

e, could he call it that anymore? He

born here, in these dry and rocky lands.

parents, searching or a better lie

ed to the west, America, the land o theels. He was only eight years then and

lways elt he should have been given

hoice to stay. It is the promised land

ather had said, where all are ree and

l.

ather had lied. He had never really

ree let alone equal. School had been

he hadnt said much in class because

yone laughed at him. They said he had

ny way o talking. The boys always

d him, calling him unny names. He

pent most o his time reading, the holy

was his avourite.

ad just turned twenty three when it alln. The bombings hadnt been shown

NN but there was a new TV station

d Al Jazeera. A particular image had

ked the anger, a young boy in the moun-

o Aghanistan crying or his Quran,

ndels bombs had destroyed it with

est o his amily! He had gotten tired o

way everyone treated him ever since the

rs burned down. They made him eel

he had fown the planes. He had tired o

Promised Land and somehow the im-

o that boy had spurred him to action.

ocal mosque was where he had met

He had introduced himsel as Halil

over the course o two years had taughtabout the true Islam. There was a

ad and all the aithul who ought and

ghting would be justly rewarded in

dise. He had elt a sense o brotherhood

Halil and had become more estranged

his amily. His parents were not aith-

why did they not go back home to ght

ndels? Why did his ather work in

actories and still receive no respect?

mother had stopped wearing the

qa because it made people uncomort-

She had had to give it up. Her boss at


3/21

diner had hinted as much i she wanted

keep her job. How could he live in the

artland o the indel and still call himsel

hul? He had to go and ght with his

thers, Allah commanded it.

o years had passed since he got here,

he Land o Two Migrations it was

led. He had done terrible things in the

me o Allah, but The Teacher said its all Allahs will. He did not know what

believe anymore. He had watched women

d children die in the name o Allah; he

uld not bring himsel to believe that truly

se were the ways o a religion o peace.

morrow he would put on the cloths o a

rrior, a soldier o Islam and he would die

it. Did he do the right thing? Only Allah

ew the absolute truth, all he knew was

t tomorrow he would die and take with

m as many indels.

e sun touches the horizon, the wind

ispers to him and the sands o time all

r so gently. In the distance he hears thel to prayer. He lays down the mat, kneels

d aces the holy city. God is great, God

great! he begins his evening prayer.

ere are hundreds o oreign fghters in

Al Shabaab movement and Al Qaeda

o are recruited rom all over the world.

eems the mercenary proession still

vives

hinorck

oldier of Fortune

Douglas MukasaBussines oppurtunity is betterand the difference is for the

business opportunity to existit comes from having had theidea for the business.

Moses KisekkaHmm...so does the idea createthe opportunity or vice-versa,or both? Or is the idea theopportunity, or...?

Kinya MburuguWell for me, business idea

sounds like a new thing ortaking a business path thatsnot very explored by other

business pple, while a businessopportunity sounds like anopening to do a business thatsnot necessarily new just thatfor whatever reason theres

been an opening.

Idea connotes newopportunity does notnecessarily connote new. Againfor meopportunity is better cozsomeone else has done it before

and has learnt and probablydocumented dos and dontsalong th way. Idea is moredifficult coz if its completelynew ud hav to learn by trial nerror and modify th originalidea to suit th market. Thistakes alot of extre investmentsin terms of time, finances andeffort

Susan Pamellah@moses ; a businessopportunity may create a

business idea( which it does

in majority of cases), but thereverse is not necessarily true.

@yusuf;people with businessopportunities are more

successful than those withideasYusuf MulinyaI hope we are not facing thechicken and egg situation.trying to figure out what camefirst, the chicken or the egg!

So anyway, an opportunity canalso arise for something newand untested. maybe an ideais something in its conceptual

phase, and an opportunity is anidea taken further...or maybe

they are the same thing!!!

Douglas MukasaNow thats confusing furtherdont u think so

Yusuf MulinyaOk consider this case. Out ofinteractions someone says heneeds mosque managementsoftware. So i know a

programmer who knows aprogrammer who i think canget together and do it. that is anopportunity.

An idea could be that after thatdeal of supplying software,i then think of supplyingother mosques with the samesoftware. but you could arguethat since i have that software,i have an opportunity to supplyother mosques....so am back tothe same position i was in!Nuriat NagujjaKinya broke it down.Henrietta NassuunaYusuf seriously????? Take your

economics class off facebook!Wilfred KabbaleHellos, the business

opportunity describes theexternal environment, the

business idea describesthe internal psychologicalenvironment of theentreprenuer, the opportunscenario is better for thosewithout the ideas, whilethe ideas scenario is betterfor those in society lacking

business opportunities.

ooOOooo

So here is my assessmentof the above responses. A

business opportunity arisesout of a need that manifestitself in the market. A businidea arises out of thought tthe excecution of a businessomeone is thinking of, wocreate a need in the marketOne can then argue that haa business opportunity is mrealistic way of approachin

business. Therefore it isimportant that as we pursuentreprenuerial ambitions,try as much as possible to fon the opportunities that ex

in the market.

What are your views?Email [email protected]

Yusuf MulinyaBusiness and financialmanagement ConsultantEdge Consult Ltd

business iDea or business opportunity?Whats the difference, and whats better?

Before I got into figuring out the difference, I posted this question on m

facebook page and here is the discussion that arose.


4/21

Medicine

AIDS Vaccine research

results cast in doubt

Afghanistan

Presidential run-off in

Afghanistan

Obama

Obama Nobel award

frowned upon as Hilary become

more popular than him

An employee shall not be required to work for an employer for more than six consecutive days

without a days rest and the maximum working hours for employees shall be 48 hours a week.

A male employee is entitled to Paternity leave of four working days leave from work regardless of

whether it is a delivery or a miscarriage.

A female employee who becomes pregnant shall have the right to return to the job which she held

immediately before her maternity leave or to a reasonably suitable alternative job on terms and

conditions not less favourable than those which would have applied had she not been absent on

maternity leave.

Jacque Kasoma

Organisation In Focus : Praise FM Radio

Newsbytes

Racism

Uproar as South African

University drops racist

charges

Governance

$5 Million governance pr

awarded to African presid

amidst groans and smiles

Africa

South African farmers ren

200000 acres in DRC

Finance

Nigerian Banking Sector

struggles to recover

The Written Word

E-book readers re-ignite

hope in publishing indust

Technology

Bladeless fan introduced

Tennis

Andre Agassi shocks spo

world with drug revelatio

raise fm is a gospel radio station based in St kitts and Nevis in the caribbean. it was founded by Mr

teve Huggins on the 27th Oct 2004. The radio has attracted a number of visitors from from over 80

ountries of the world. The radio station is blessed with lots of African music and African Artists thatmakes it unique from most of the radio stations around.we do have lots of caribbean music , inspirational,

raise and worship. we have teachings that have been a blessings to the people.Mr steve Huggins married

o Sandra who hails from Uganda and they are blessed with 1 Daughter Sasha Huggins. Together with the

upport team here in Nevis we are doing our best.

oin us and be apart of the family ideas, comments will build us further more.

RAISE FM 99.3 RADIO

Hamilton Estate

harlestown Nevis

astern caribbean

el 18696670351,1869765244, 18696655602,18697659570,3057121858

mail: [email protected], [email protected]

web: www.praisefm993.110mb.com,www.praisefm993.site40.net

Know Your RightsThe Employment Act 2006

Taking Leave


5/21

WORKPLACE RECOgnitiOn

What say you might all in this category o tasks? I

answer. what you cannot athom to perorm in your

everyday work tasks? Take or example, a public

accountants role is simply (though it really isnt)

to check against the accountabilities submitted and

produce either a damning or promotion-making report.

So i rom time immemorial all accountability reports

or a particular client have been prepared in just over

4 weeks o grueling bashing and candle-lit working

nights then there comes Raayili in his most majestic

o sorts and produces a more comprehensive thanbeore-seen accountability report in much less time o

2 and a 1/2 weeks, then surely without a doubt must I

be commended or whatever I did to pull that o.

But I ask again does an employer really need

to specially thank you or doing your job more

eiciently? Why? I mean is it not in your job

description and expectations? Okay, maybe you save

the company a couple o shillings when you do your

job a lot quicker and better than was budgeted but

does that mean you should be paid a bonus or having

ulilled your job requirements? No, it is my gain and

that is one o the reasons you were hired in the irstplace, to make me more money coz you said it on the

CV, I am an eicient worker under pressure.

So I do not understand why people get all ussy and

rowny when they work their a***s o and seem to

expect special treatment at the workplace or having

saved a ew more dollars/shillings or the majority

shareholder who may happen not to even live or have

stepped in Uganda let alone Arica. The employers d

not care about you. They might say so but deep dow

uh ah, they do not. I mean, dude, in a country where

more than hal its graduates do not get a job upon

getting out o varsity and a good number o the othe

hal that do are over employed and underpaid (in

comparison to Eastern Arica standards) why would

you be bickering or a one-o workplace recognitio

What you really need is to stand up to your employe

and show him or her how great a resource you are to

his/her organization and show them that it is in theirbest interest to pay you more money all the time oth

than the one-o bonus you are so craving right now.

It would seem to me that the individual that bickers

more or a sort-out-my- cash-lows-next-month with

a bonus is myopic and actually does not deserve any

recognition at all. I at all the boss gives it to you, th

he is only playing his capitalist cards right. Nigga

, you have been playe

Coz you are going to work harder and save more

money but receive less or what you have input. It is

only air that you are paid or what you do handsom

and a mere one-o recognition is not that. You desermore. So go on and ask or what you truly deserve a

great company resource.

Rafayili

It only seems but fair that an individuals hard work at work (donno if thatz gud

English) should be recognized by his/her employer. I think that a person getting

recognized at his/her workplace should not be for something someone else would

have been able to do but since they were not assigned the task you did it. Hardly,

rather I would prefer that the recognee must have performed a task beyond the

average office personnel capability for him/her to merit the recognition.

FeedBack:

Your Take On The

WorkZine

Lucy

A friend posted it to me

en it has been such a blessing.

decreased my stress lvels; actually

wen i started the first article i

couldnt rest till the last......ope

his mail doesnt find its way to the

company server coz it can really

make my boss send me back to the

treets.

Rafayili

Loved the theme for the

WZ6 though the content was not

hat great...we lack i think regular

ommentary on workplace life and

t seems we are delving too much

nto other stuff... Rafayili.

Ok. Some honest critique

(which is what I do best) -

the content is interesting. It

makes for good reading. I

avent read it all word for word,

but the stuff is generally well

written. I like the layout, its not

boring, and its not a struggle to

ead.

My issues are basically with the

grammar, spelling, use of slang etc.

Rowan Emslie

sorry this is late. Whoever

wrote that MJ was an

important civil rights figure is

a moron!

ONE: There were a myriad of

incredibly popular, actually

in any way political (think

Marvin Gaye! Sam Cooke!

James Brown! et-*****-

cetera)

TWO: It might strike you as

obvious but the whole turning

himself white thing and having

surrogate blond haired blue

eyed babies not the greatest

advocate of the race he came

from!

Outrageous. How did you not

get me to write something for

this zine? Oppurtunity missed

Abid!!!


6/21

Verbatim

Vs

VerbatimOur hero returns home one evening

ind his porch littered with toys, sw

wrappers, bits o string and banana

sure-ire evidence that little childre

been playing upon it. Eager to sort

out, he goes over to Screaming Liz

three-year-old rom next door, and

her.

Good evening, little cretin.

Good evening, baz. Wassap!

Not that good. You see I just got ho

to ind my ront porch submerged i

debris and detritus o your days ac

I cant make it to the ront door bec

all the junk in the way. I ear I migh

over your teletubby doll, all and inmysel.

Theres a perectly good explanatio

that, Baz. You see, my parents told

to play on our porch because I mak

messy.

So you decided to play on my porc

instead?

Its called thinking outside the box,

But, now my porch is a mess.

I agree. That is a problem. Howeve

can oer you is my deepest sympat

your porch and thereore your prob

The porch is mine, granted, but the

can be convincingly argued, is youWell, I disown it henceorth.

This is ridiculous. You cannot reall

me to clean up the mess you made

on my verandah instead o the one

to you by God and your parents!

I am having a problem understand

you are so perplexed, Baz.

Because I am not the one who mad

mess! Why should I clean it up?

Look at it this way: when there is a

storm, and the wild and angry wind

leaves and twigs onto your porch a

mud onto your verandah, who clea

Well, I do, but...But you are not the one who broug

leaves and twigs and dirt there.

Im not but...

But the reason you clean them up is

because they are on your verandah

when a mess lands on your porch i

Darn Memo: My DefenceWe got a memo rom the administrator the other day. The bugger has gone crazy.

He claims we spend too much time having breaks. Let me lay my case beore you

and you decide. I get to work by 8am. Actually leave home at 6am. It si reezing

cold. I get to work and take a cup o tea or two as I check my mail and plan my day.

By 8.30am I am starting my tasks. At 9am I receive the rst message rom the group

mail asking about breakast. Remember I didnt eat anything in the morning. This

schedule is making me lose weight. I dont want to be dumped. At 9.30am I call

everybody on the intercom and conrm orders.

Then I summon this tea lady and give her a written lists o all we want. She should

not go to those cheap places that have samosas ull o oil. And I count the money

and tell her to bring the right balance. She didnt nish Olevel , she is dat and is a

thie sometimes. I have to watch her all the time. But she has a kid, maybe we can

ignore her thieving ways. At 10am she returns with goodies. She is 15 minutes late.

So slow. Since that lazy computer guy said we shouldnt eat near our computers,

we have to go to the kitchen.

That IT dude is dat, I called him yesterday to help nd a document on the machine

and he used some complicated search thingy which he expects me to remember.

What is his job ? By 10.40 am , we are through with breakast and lie goes on.

Hehehe!! Kyoka John, this stu he sends on the group mail. I have to reply!! Its

almost noon. Time to ask these guys where we are doing lunch rom. 12.40pm. We

have to rush out o here. Those people rom the oce next door may take our seats.

This lunch is good yet they should have added more salt. My mother cooks better.I wonder why these waiters keep hiding the cook? Have to tell her to style up. Hope

she is not related to the IT guy, that would explain the ake ood.

At 2pm we walk back to work. Almost orgot amidst the juicy gossip. Always knew

the boss was doing the new intern, that chic is way too dat . No way she could

qualiy. I am so ull. I need I siesta , those Portugese have that concept right. 3pm ,

I have to nish this assignment. Maybe I should all sick. Its 4pm. Evening tea. Am

having it at my desk no matter what. Its 4.30pm. I have things to do in town. Time

to pack my stu. Shit!! Tea poured on the keyboard. These cheap machines!!! Its

not working. I dont time or this now. Let me call this IT guy. It had better be ready

in the morning. And that stupid memo can wait!!!

Names and Company o the Writer have been withheld ater a lengthy discussion


7/21

New Signs of trouble at your job

TOP TEN:

BINYIZOS

Are you learning? If you cant say what you have

learned in the last six months nor what you can expect

to learn in the next, beware, when there is nothing you

can learn where you are, you have got to move on, even

if they give you promotions. If your job has become

easy someone else will do it for less.

If your job were open, would you get it? Benchmark

your skills regularly. Look at want-ads for jobs in your

field. If they ask for skills you dont have.

Are you being milked? When you sacrifice your long

term growth for short term benefits, especially your

employers, you are living on intellectual capital. Asalesman who wants to learn marketing but keeps

hearing, youre so good we need you here or a finance

guy who is asked to keep the old system running while

others learn the new software-these are people in whom

the company has stopped investing.

Do you know what you contribute? If you cannot give

anyone a two minute summary of what you do and why

it matters, your boss probably cant either.

What would you do if your job disappeared tomorr

If you cant answer that question, you have not tho

about what marketable skills you have. More and m

you have to sell yourself inside the company.

Are you having fun yet? Sure, they call it work, b

youll be less eager for challenges if your heart is n

in it.

Are you worried about your job? If you are, you

probably should be.

By Davis Musinguzi

The old trappings of success - a leather chair, your own secretary - are gone. So are the old

signs of trouble.

The rule used to be incremental promotions every year or two. If you missed one - hmmm - tha

was a warning. You dont get the little clicks now. Warnings are subtler - many inaudible only

you, not your boss or colleagues. If several of these click, wake up:

Every culture, race, and age group seems

to have them: traditions. A tradition is set

to be simply a set o practices. Christmas

estivities are seen as traditions, just as

throwing rice at a wedding is considered

a tradition. Traditions are just one o themany things that allow people rom all

over to interrelate and have a common

bond. However, traditions arent always

un and games.

10DANGEROUSTRADITIONS

New Years Dive Siberia,

Russia

On New Years Day, divers from all

over take the plunge into the worlds

deepest lake, Baikal. Divers cut a

hole into the ice that covers the top

of the lake, and then dive 40 meters

down. One specified diver carries the

New Year tree to the lakes bottom.

Once the tree is planted, the divers

dance around it. Though it doesnt

sound too dangerous, keep in mind

that this lake is the deepest lake in

the world and that divers have to

swim with over 100 kg of equipment.

10

Fireworks Battle Chios,

Greece

On the small island of Chios,

every Easter Sunday is sure to bea spectacle. On this day, two rival

parishes, so to speak, light up their

fireworks and shoot them at the other

church. The purpose is for one of the

churches to hit the bell of the other

church. All of this goes on while a

service is in session. Its said that

over 25,000 rockets are used and 150

help to fire them off. In the past the

rockets have caused fires, damages

to homes, and even deaths, but the

tradition carries on still.

.

08

Polar Bear Plunge

It involves jumping into cold water

during the winter season for acharity organization. In some

locations, participants have to sign

a document consenting to the fact

that they know the plunge can cause

serious injury such as paralysis,

hypothermia, and possibly even

death.

09

1. local news agencies that rewrite texts of international stories in the

wording from the source without quoting the sources.

2. Our lady friends who drink Fanta when they have taken themselve

out, but are quick to ask for RedBull if offered a drink.

3. Those Taxi Touts who cant take time off to buy a deodorant or at lea

shower every morning and still insist on squeezing in next to clean cus

ers

4. The Trafc Police Department that has gone up a notch by using hot

ladies to charge us with trafc offences

5. These askaris at hang out places that ask for extra money yet they are paid to guard the cars in whate

parking lot there is6. Music Artists who advertise live concerts then sing over recorded sounds that are played at exceeding

loud volumes

7. People who gather around electronics shops to watch premier league soccer. Dont they have any sha

8. Beepers (need I say more???)

9. Street Side Preachers: I love the Lord, but in pure honesty Im not going to stop and listen to a guy as

ing me that I am going to Hell

10.Those guys with fake accents just because they cant be proud of their heritage

BY THE CRITIC FOR THE KRITIC


8/21

We all need the IT guy. The problem is that he knows it.. Or she knows it. The result is an over-inlated ego. We

know you went to school and got a degree plus (maybe) a masters in something even more complicated but in

case you didnt notice , so did we. . Whats with the jeans and polo neck on a Monday? Is there a dierent dress

code or the IT demi-gods and the rest o us mere mortals? Then the hours they keep. have you noticed that the

IT guys always walk in either very early or very late? Again, did we sign dierent codes o conduct ? They also

have this annoying habit o walking out o oice when it pleases them. I do concur that there are those ew, very

ew, very very very very very very very ew IT people who are the epitome o proessionalism but they are not

the norm. the average IT person is an arrogant conceited sel absorbed socially incompetent egoistic sarcastic

lazy ass jerk. When you call or help , they start with inane questions like : is your computer on? Duh!!! O

course its on you moron. How dat do you think I am ? O course you dont say that since they have the power

to make you scream. You reply with knuckled hands that yes its on. Then the list continues : is the power on?

have you switched it on and o? are you stupid ? is the monitor on ? is the keyboard connected? and

when you are done answering them, they tell to start looking at weird things called coniguration interlaced

with geek words like IP, netbios, DHCP, DNS, postix, bus, sata and other gibberish like that. I I knew that

stu, do you think I would actually waste my precious time calling you ? O course you just grit your teeth and

dig to the bottom o your patience and say no. then you humbly request the guy to come over and have a look

at your PC. Ater what seems ages, the dude saunters in. these guys walk like they own the company. They

have got the intimidation down to an art. Even the MD walks cautiously around them. Well I dont blame him,

we all know the Zain scandal email ire was started by IT guys. These IT guys have unprecedented levels o

access to company inormation. Maybe thats why their oice section looks like a little independent kingdom.Music blaring all the time, ood and stu everywhere, a million and one gadgets , phones without any limit and

INTERNET all the time. While the rest o the world is busy at work , these guys are on acebook and making

skype calls. I should have done IT. But since I didnt , I hate all IT people out there. DO your worst.

Provided by Andrew Kasana.

The writer has a running vendetta with IT people. At this juncture , let me remind you that the views expressed

by wirters in this magazine are not necessarily the views o the magazine or o other writers in the magazine. The

WOrkZine really loves IT people. They are the worlds greatest.

Office Characters: The It Person 10

Coopers Hill Cheese-

Rolling Gloucester,

England

A piece of cheese is rolled down t

hill and the first person to get dow

the hill first takes the cheese! Sinc

the cheese is rolled about a secon

earlier than the race itself, it can

as fast as 70mph.

Though no one has ever died from

chasing a roll of cheese down a

hill, plenty have sprained an ankl

injured their back, broken a bone

gotten a concussion.

06

Christmas Trees

During 2003-2006, 240 hofires per year took place, all of w

started due to a Christmas tree in

the USA. On average 16 people

died because of the fire, and 25

were injured each year. Christma

tree fires are rare, but when

they do happen, they are usually

catastrophic.

04

Onbashira Tokyo, Japa

A festival in Tokyo that only

takes place once every six years,

Onbashira is a tradition that man

in the region claim has gone one over 1200 years. Yamadashi is th

more dangerous part of the festiv

Men go into the forest and cut dow

trees and then ropes are attached

them and they are dragged down

mountain by the men.

Many say this is a sign of bravery

but many have come out with

injuries, and others have died wh

carrying out the tradition.

05

DANGEROUS

TRADITIONS

Baby Dropping Ritual

Solapur, India

Muslims in the western Indian

town of Solapur line up to drop

their babies off a 15 meter tower

in a shrine, catching them in a

white sheet. The ritual, which hataken place for more than half a

millennium, is believed to make

children grow up healthy and str

07


9/21

Apparently this workzine thingy is getting so legit we actually have deadlines!! Can you im

putting a deadline on an idlers article? That seems to mean that I as a particularly gifted idle

have been rewarded by getting a deadline, does that even make sense? See last issue I tried t

push it but Ive been politely informed that I just might get something handed to me that Im

very sure no one would like to, its in the donkey family (yes, that sentence does make sense

Deadlines indeed, pshaww!!

But I suppose that boat has sailed. So how are you people? (I recently, well, for my very owpersonal purposes Im going to use the word met here, but thats not really what I mean, th

what you should hear.) So, like I was saying, I recently met someone who says that how are

you? so well (again Im going to use a different word for what I really mean, this time I

adorably) Adorably (yes, with the capital A) that you just want (well, at least I just want

hear her say it over again and again and again you do see how this is going, dont you?)

Well I suppose I could go on with that line of thought (ah, but that would denitely put a gid

smile on my face and leave it there for quite a while, ah (Insert the name of your latest cru

here and be assured that even she doesnt measure up, (or he, I hear the fairer sex demand

gender equality, but only when it suits them of course)) and I know that would really be fun

more for you than for me, but unfortunately for you, along with a deadline, I also got slappe

with a maximum word count. (Our dear Editor clearly has no idea just how much an idler haramble before- well, lets just hold onto that thought right there cuz mbu in the near future w

just might be getting some jaribu for rambling (now that is heaven) and I wouldnt want to

jeopardize my very lofty position just to prove a point, even if it is a really good point.)

Now where was I? oh yeah, word count, I was saying that with all these restrictions that hav

been Im sure very lovingly slapped on me by our dear editor, I cannot go on in an all out ra

bling session, so you are hereby saved (or deprived, depending on which side of the fence y

fall), from (of) the moonstruck ramblings of a very gifted idler, you know, this is the part wh

would be going into excruciating (in a very very good way, again, for me) detail on just how

(did I just hit the word limit? Cuz a red light just ashed on and, Oh, no, good, thats just the

you are cutting it very close warning, darn thing goes off a 138 words before Im actually

posed to stop, I think its broken. There it goes again, cant it tell Im in the middle of somet

here? Sheesh!! Besides, I can wrap up something pretty well in a 138 words, you just watchDont worry, Ill try not to break into song, she makes me feel that way sometimes you know

like I actually have a voice good enough to go serenading, only the last time I tried singing i

shower I think I heard a few glasses break, its a gift. (Come to think of it, that would be a v

useful gift if-))

Ach, just hit 600 words. I mean seriously, I had just gotten the bit between my teeth and was

ning with it for all I am worth and then boom, you have hit your word limit, anything you w

after this will only be published at the editors benevolent discretion.

Ah well, I suppose 66 words more dont really hurt. Ill just go practice my singing.

Brian Coutinho

Female circumcisionIt is said that over 130 million

women worldwide are affected by

this procedure, and over 2 million

occur each year. While no specific

numbers exist, it is said that a t least

1/3 of the women who undergo

female circumcision die due to

various complications.

03

Running of the Bulls

Pamplona, Spain

The nine-day festival has taken

place in San Fermn, Pamplona

in Spain since 1910. The running

involves penning up the bulls, and

then letting them run through the

street while people crowd in as well

and run in front of the bulls. Since

its start, 15 people have been killed,

the most recent being in 2009. It is

said that 200-300 people are hurt

02

College Hazing

It is said that out of all of the new

students going into college each

year, about 47% of them will undergo

what is known as hazing.

Despite the fact that hazing is

banned and disproved of on every

college campus, its safe to say that

most social, cultural, and academic

clubs haze the newcomers.

01

LEGIT

10DANGEROUSTRADITIONS


10/21

believe no one has an original problem.Everyone at some point goes through situations that someone else has

nquered. They ths need guidance on how to get through it. That is why i am here! AGONY KELZ! I pride myslf

being one of the few people to actually hit rock bottom and just bounce back up. Or maybe i hit a bouncy surface.

nyway what the hell. The point is i am here to help you, because that is just the type of philanthropic person that i

m. So here goes:

uge Problem: Its your birthday. Your friend gets you a gift you have repeatedly despised. Maybe not openly, but

u really dont like it. The tought may count, but if not translated into something lovely, then what is the point?

olution: Re-wrap it and give it back to er on her birthday! If she doesnt like it, it means she is thoughtless. What was

e doing getting you something even she despised??

uger Problem: A smelly person enters the taxi youre in, and what do you know; the only seat he feels comfortable

is the one right next to you. To make matters worse, the brother (most of the time it is a guy) insists on smelling

spite the wrikling of your nose.

uge Solution: You have to nd out if you can survive the journey. You need to nd out how bad the smell really is.

o what do you do? Grab an insect, best results would be got if a y is got, as these are so resistant to bad smells, but

those are scarce in the taxi ( why does that sound ironic?) a cockroach will do. They are usually near the kameeme.

rab the insect and put it at his feet, or anywhere close to him. \if it dies, you better get out as fast as possible, be-

use there, there is no plan B. Especially for such a smeller.

ugest Problem: You have moved out of home. Got this roomate. You are supposed to be having the time of your

e, but for some reason, your roomate is really a maniac. He or she is totally crazy and insisnts on screaming her

ad off over tiny things, even when it is obvious you need the silence!

uger Solution: Put a little chlorofoam in her pillow. Should knock her out for a couple of hours. If that is hard to

nd, try spirit! Used to work on those useless prefects in school, though may rst make her a little drunk. Anyway,

tter a drunk roomie that a maniac!

ugester Problem: Its really cold. You decided to spare your extra hours of sleep, got up at 4am, so you could make

to the boutique (read Owino), and join sylvia owori get the best clothes at whole-sale price. You are bending low,

lling at that wrinkled black dress that just looks like it has potential to look sexy, when suddenly an obese midget

ps you and shouts..... sizey yange!!!!

ugest Solution: You slap the hugest toughest meanest looking guy in sight, then point at the midget! You can either

and and enjoy the movie, or you can shop as you listen to the sound effects in the background.

ugestest Problem: Its your birthday. No one remembered! You were expecting a suprise party, and you had even

actised your expressions in the mirror!

ugester Solution: Postpone it, and this time make sure you advertise it in the workzine. If nothing is done, dont give

. Adverts are free. fake a party and advertise the invites!

ugestestest Problem: You are a nancially challenged Campuser. For some reason your parents have refused to step

and give you money. You cant go home for the basic meals because Mukono is not exactly near Makerere. you

east need to feed.

ugestest Solution: Dont turn down any single date. Accept them all because they cater for meals. If the guy has a

de, no worries, but if he does not, please insist on suggesting the place. In a bid to impress, he may take you to a

vely restaurant on the other side of town, and he may not be the kind who gives transport. So it would be better if

u stuck to places like javaz and insisnt on a stroll back to campus. Atleast you would have been saved transport

sts.

igantic Problem: You over ate. You were trying to make your pregnant friend Jackie feel comfortable with her

mmy. Now the others have organised a swimming contest. Your crush will be there. You have already seen your

ture together. Jacob your rst son even has his height at birth. The thing is you know that with everyone else in

eir bikinis, there is absolutely no way you will even attempt to look sexy, ;let alone invisible. For sure you wil bee laughing stock, atleast in your own eyes.

igantic, Desperate and the last resort Solution: Invest in a blue chicken and yellow goat with feathers, and head

jjajja Mamwandu who sits in those caves in mabira. Now you can sit back and await the cancellation phone calls

the hailstorms begin. Dont forget to head to the gym after. Those coloured animals are really expensive, you cant

ep buying them.

ara Akelly

AGONY KELZVerbatim

Vs

Verbatimresponsibility to dispose o it.

But how the hell do you expect me to

up a mess o this nature and magnitudWhat do you take me or, some sort o

person? I absolutely detest you, and I

the ground your shadow alls upon, bu

liked you enough to let you into my h

I would invite you to see the interior o

Chez Baz. Therein you would observ

neatness is not my orte, and tidiness

the git God blessed me with. At the b

times my home looks like the aterma

Shock And Awe.

You are a messy person? Thats unny

doesnt get that impression by looking

you. You look like a very well-organis

young man.I dont appreciate a three-year-old kid

calling me a young man, irstly. Seco

in spite o what my well groomed out

appearance may indicate, I am not a

tidy person, I hate cleaning up, and I

certainly not going to clean up that tra

you let on my verandah.

Well, suit yoursel. It makes very little

dierence to me. That means when I r

to your veranda tomorrow I will ind

just as I let it and will be able to con

where I let o.

E.B. Sempebwa


11/21

Prose & PoetryFore Warned Fore Armed

I see u stagger in during late hours o the Night

Or is it early hours beore Sun Light

As usual it gave me plenty o Fright

For nothing looked as scary as that Sight

You always vow that it wont happen

And now all o a suddenI eel that same old nasty dirty Burden

My heart is once again crest allen and Laden

I earnestly and imploringly kneel beore thee

I beg o you to simply listen to me

That liquor you put beore me

It makes me as jealous as can be

Look beyond your bodily desires my Love

And think o all the sweetness I have

Remember all the Joy that I Deserve

And stop letting me sulk and starve

The day is coming SoonThat day when my patience will go Boom!

The day when the sun will see its Doom

And the only thing glowing shall be the Moon

I shall not need you to hold me close

For I shall have counted you a Loss

This time, I shall be the Boss

And with this new catch, I too shall Floss

Bernard Ewalu Olupot

P.R.O

Voice Communication (U) Ltd

P.O.Box 35871 Kampala Uganda

~Savor the Moment~

In Light, we see!

With intent, we are ree.

Choosing to live a balanced Lie,

generous with our Love

Is it just or us?

How about the stray dog looking or its lost masteTrampled by woe!

searching or a house with Love

With no Choice but to hold on.

Is there a way or us to Change?

To savor the moment now?

Choosing,

To Love unconditionally!

To give incessantly!

To draw closer in Unity!

Is there time or us to grow?Could the Moment be now?

For whatever we sow..

Its not about how,

In time it will show,

However slow,

Now

To savor the moment,

To regain the peace lost;

To keep the pride hoist.

Muhumuza Kenneth Ezra


12/21

CRY FREEDOM

I cry freedom,

Deafening silence reaching out to deaf ears,

Inclined to the words of my forefathers which have been carried over throughout the years,

And throughout all generations, these words still echo thoughts of fear,

I see clear, not with a heart of vengeance but with a heart sincere,

For what I seek is that inner peace, though my soul still lives deceased

At war with my flesh, an inner sense of defeat

So I retreat, my state of mind lives on, verbally bound with utmost discretion

The answer still lies within the question

That came forth and bore scars within my mental threshold

The past too painful to let go

So like sleeves I bear arms, armed to the brain with intellect

This is the only way I get respect, subject to brain drain and social disconnect

But this is not my doing, I live up to my word and thats why I cry

Cry freedom from all oppression and preconceived notions that keep my mind caged

You would too if we were thinking on the same page

Ask him, he sees what Im saying

But yet when I say what Im seeing all he sees is his gain

I am the seed and he the grain

Without me he cannot exist yet above the ground he remains

And I.well I am but the seed, I belong to the dust

To bear grain I give it my all if I must,

Or so to speak,

But yet I speak not but hold it all withinAs I ponder and wonder, what will become of my next of kin?

BY

MASABA NICHOLAS


13/21

The Interview

It says here that your name is Sleek. Is that your realname?

Sleek: Well sir, i I may call you that, my olks, bless

their souls, were an odd lotthey actually thought itd

make a cool name. And I agreed with them or a large

part o my lie. Till now that is (crack o a smile to

ease the tension)

Googy, part o the committee , bued up, hairy,

sweating this early in the morning:Now the last guy

in here said that he wanted this job as an excuse to get

away rom his nagging wie and screaming kids. Plus

his mistress has become high maintenance. Why do

you want this job?

Sleek: Well that guy read my mindsave or the partabout the nagging wie. More like nagging housemate.

I mean, its like this right, well she and I, we were

riends then we kind o got busy(wink wink) i you

know what i meanTrevor knows what I mean..oh,

your name isnt Trevor? Well it should be..you do look

like a Trevor. Anyway, so we get busy and somehow

she doesnt leave in the morning..or the morning ater

that. And then her stu grows legs and starts visiting..

irst its her hot riend, Jessica. Now I had no problem

with that, since I really wanted to get with Jessica.

Inact I almost did i the janitor had not walked in

on us. Very very rustrating. Anyway, irst her hot

riend, then her toothbrush, then more lingerie walked

in, thenI cant remember whether her cat came in

beore her handbag collection. Anyway, I knew I was

a gonnerI tried coming home with some other gals

hoping theyd somehow shove her out, you know cat-

ight stylenever worked. And now the bills have

started pilling upyeah, so here I am, in need o a job.

(remembering the script)Also, I want it because o

both the interesting challenge that it presents and my

possession o a vast amount o skills, as my resume

details; skills that make me very suitable or the

position

Trevor, part o the committee : Tell us a bit about

yoursel

Sleek: I am very sel-driven, capable o working under

minimum supervision, a great team player and when

need arises, I do step up to the plate and be a great

team leader. Also, I have no prison record. Clean as

a whistle. Can you imagine Johnnie wanted to rat on

me, send me to the coolers. See we had some stash,

and wed kinda like, you know, snied mosta it. Then

Johnnie, the dweeb, he gets caught. And then he

almost snitches. So I look him straight in his bloodshot

eyes and say, Hommie, you know Ill get that jobtomorrow. I got this interview man. Ill get that job an

sort you out man. Pay the poppos. But i we both in,

then what? Yes, I negotiated with him. I orgot to ad

that I am a great negotiator.So yes, he saw it my way

and here I am to get the job, as I promised him.

Ciara, part o committee , not so hot: So it doesnt say

here what your hobbies areWhat are they?

Sleek: I actually thought o adding those but then I

igured, what kind o dwansy would want to know

what my hobbies are? So i let them outbut I like

going out to those dark clubs with lots o gals dancing

on poles. O course there arent many, and they aren

entirely legal so I do not go out oten. Ill be doingyour company work mosta the timeand by the way

my number is there on the resume, right next to my

photo.We could go out you know, you and Ilike

ater work.

Herman,part o committee, squeeky voice: So, how

much do you hope to earn?

Sleek: Ah, great questionor a second there I was

scared no one would ask. I kept thinking, what kind

o geeks do an interview and do not ask that question

Lucky or you, I have a chart here showing the variou

earnings I am willing to let you pay me.(pulling it out

and passing it around)(gasps rom committee )

Oh sorry, crazy methats my Play magazine. Trevo

pass that here. Here is the chart. Glossy eh? I know, I

am a sucker or detail

Googy, part o the committee ,asked the irst

question: Where do you see yoursel in ive years?

Sleek: Again, lucky or you, I have that in easy-to-

understand sh*t right here. Ah, whats wrong with

my language. It must be interview jitters. Yes, in ive

years(pulls out paper)here.(passing it round)

that carpeople people(raising hands, mushy look in

the eyes)I outa be driving that car. Me and that ride

well so get it on..well.well

Security man,just walked in, not part o the committe

: Is that your car parked in the general managers

spot

Sleek: Oh, about thatcrap. You know GMs spot

isnt very deiningGM could be anythingOk

guys, gotta run, move my carare there any other

questions beore I leave? None?

Interview committee o serious chaps who have never laughed at a joketheir entire lie

This issues playlist comes from

Fez who wins herself a DVD of

Lauryn Hills MTV unplugged

performance

my playlist

To Zion-Lauryn Hill

Truth-India Arie

Beautiful lady-Gyptian

Stay Down-Mary J. Blige

How Come-Morgan Heri-

tage

Intoxication-Gentleman

This step alone- Elliot

Yamin

Come CloseCommon feat.

Mary J. Blige

Rose is still a rose-Aretha

Franklin feat Lauryn Hill

Ladies night-R. Kelly

Run Away Love- Ludacris

feat Mary J. Blige

Mad World-Gary Jules

You & Me-Lifehouse

Pot Belly- Freshlyground

I was made to love him

Whitney Houston


14/21

A wise old man once said, driving in Uganda is almost as pleasant as looking at gangrene through a microscope. I couldnt agree more. The plight

o road users and abusers (which is what we all inevitably become) in this country is pretty obvious. Which is why, driving worked its way to the

very bottom o my list o things to do beore I turn 37 (a.k.a the ar, ar, distant uture). However, like a lot o things in lie, such as surprise tests,

vegetables, ill- itting clothes, injections; driving is one such thing that creeps up on you. There comes a point in ones lie when, all good reason

aside, one must rise to the occasion and upgrade rom the status o passenger to driver.

Passenger- Person (or animal) that is sitting (or standing) everywhere else in (or on) the vehicle, except behind the steering wheel. These also includethose that may be hanging rom the said vehicle.

Driver- Person sitting (or squatting) behind the steering wheel in a vehicle. PS: Drivers are not to be conused with the mentally disturbed, although

they may exhibit similar characteristics especially under stressul conditions like traic jams in Natete, where they are prone to erratic behaviour and

obscene language.

I was enrolled in driving school during my S.6 vacation. I ranted and raved and kicked and screamed, but ended up going anyway (this is a typical

example o the power the owner o the house holds over all dependants in his care. I wont mention any names.) I do not remember the details o

driving school very clearly (this may have something to do with the act that I did not learn much), but, I do recall the build up to that ateul meeting

with my instructor. My excitement was churned by stories rom many who had walked this road beore me. There were tales o instructors who

were in the habit o placing their hands on (hitting) the leg (read upper thigh) that was on the wrong pedal, there were the screamers (who were almost

always women) who could bring a grown man to tears, instructors who could not speak a word o English and not orgetting, the sneaky ones whose

Driven to Drive

used their instructing time to run personal errands. So you can imagine my

disappointment when Charles turned out to be a very normal and nice guy.

He didnt even have the decency to have a unny accent. I dosed and slept

my way through the entire 3 weeks o driving school (Not like that! Eh!

Hopeully you know what I mean).

The day o my driving test, I was a wreck. I had done a dress rehearsal o

sorts the day beore around town (by town I actually mean my kalo in

Kamwokya, which is in Kampala, which happens to be a town). I went

to bed conident. I woke up in disarray. I considered catching one o the

various diseases at my disposal (malaria, lue or ood poisoning) whose

symptoms I had mustered during my school days, so I wouldnt have toget out o bed. Reason prevailed.

I was scared o reverse parking, balancing, hitting pedestrians on the

sidewalk, killing those attempting to cross the road and most o all, ailure

to start the car. Clearly, I had the weight o the entire traic raternity

on my shoulders. On the long drive rom my driving school to Naguru

(the exam room), I lost sight in my right eye, eeling in my hands and

hearing in both ears. I must claim ull responsibility or the prayer traic

in the atmosphere that morning. Thankully, dear riends, there is a God.

I will not go through all the embarrassing details o my driving test. I

remember getting a very well behaved car that did as it was told or the

irst couple o minutes. All was well up until I reversed into a boda boda,but Im certain these things happen to many people. I also remember

the examiner (Is that what they are called?) telling me to kendeza ku

supeedi over and over again. I couldnt explain to him that because o the

grip I had on the steering wheel (I just might have let my imprint on it);

all the blood in my body had drained to my right leg, causing my oot to

hover over the brake pedal without actually being able to make contact.

Anyway, at the end o that long day, nothing died (at least as ar as I could

tell) and more importantly, I passed. I actually passed. I became the proud

owner o a driving licence.

A ew days later I drove into my daddys pawpaw trees.

Formula one, here I come!

Rebecca Abonyo Wana


15/21

Happy birthday to Maurice Kirya,Joe Powell,Benon Setanda, Judith Nakyobe, Twine Julius , Umah Tete

Moses Otim, Abel Kibbedi Wankuma, Hasahya Godie, Matovu Ivan Festus , Matthew Kasekende, Moses

Magogo , Ray Shi Jie, Brian Baingana , Imaan Kichou, Sarah Mashindano, Afra Apio, Muhoozi

Edward Semyalo Abbey, Tinkamanyire Sam, Jeff Kayonga, Martin Mugi , Andrew Kasana , Edgar

Magezi, Ondyer Joseph, Richard Levy , Jim Atamba Tugume Rugasira, Daudi Nabaasa, Sozi

Daniel, Emmanuel Ineget, Tugce Vulas , Colin Mukiza

he Pay It Forward Foundation

Uganda (piffuganda) will be

aving a launch/fundraising party

t Bricks Bar and Restaurant in

entenary Park this saturday 7th

Nov. 2009 starting at 4pm.

veryones Invited.

You can find more information on

acebook or www.piffugnda.org

to have meat or poultry delivered t o your home for parties or such, call Flora Supplies LTd,

0772511152 or [email protected]

Quality photos at four by six photo studio. digital photo studio, event photography , commercial

photography. call Chris 0712566959

For Finance analysis, budgets, and accounting solutions. Call Mark 0712682520.

Car for sale : Opel Vita 1.4cc model 1998 , mileage less than 80000 Km Silver gray in colour,

spares available. Asking price is 6.5 M negotiable. Call Chris 0755048868

Mahogany: 3000pcs, 12x2x14ft, UGX56,000 each, seasoned for 1yr. Michael 0712-702523

two power bikes for sale.The Black one is a 2007 Suzuki GSX-R750 (750CC) .The Yellow one

is a 2006 Kawasaki ZX-10R (1000CC).The yellow goes for 3000 (negotiable) and the black is up for

2800 (negotia...ble).Phone : (44) 702 408 8871

Email : [email protected]

Ad link : http://www.sell.com/246LZN

Selling Scentsy candles, burners, plug-in, car freshners... go to www.scentsy.com/vadams

The workzine is looking for a marketer. Send an email to [email protected]

Bantu Party :Friday, 06 November 2009 at Parker McMillan,47 Chiswell Street,London, United

Kingdom

Africa night on 7th November at the University of St. Thomas, St. Paul.

Expect poetry, dances, spoken word, African Music, and free African food from all regions of Africa.

The Annual November-Fest will be on the 13th of November at Zone 7. This will be the party ofthe year hosted by the November Babies. Come only if you can handle a full night of Relentless partying,

We gots this!

Prime plot along Entebbe rd around katale in a beautiful environment 50x100 with land title at

only 15million. Very nice for residential purposes. Just Holla @ 071 2 534783

Learn how to play a guitar in 1 week at a laughable fee. Get started and kill the boredom. This is

something that will turn yo life around... Contact: 071 2 534783

FOR SALE! New original Nokia 5800 XpressMusic (8GB memory card, 3.2 MP camera, wi-fi

capable, touch screen) with accessories (headset, USB PC cable, stylus, charger)

UGX 450,000

Call 0782016951/0753809586

Events, Ads and

Everything Else

Birthday Shouts!

Stuff


16/21

I think that lists are antastic things. So here is a list o the 5 places that I love the most in Kampala right

now:

Javas: The coolest cae in town. I looked or a more appropriate word you know, more grown up

but there is no word that describes Javas better than cool. The service is antastic, and so is the ood,

the coee, and the chips (which I suppose can be considered as ood). The ice cream and milk-shakes

(and did I mention the tuna melt sandwich?) are also antastic. Javas is consistent and the coee is

great. I am a sucker or consistency and coee. And to top it all o, theyve opened up at Oasis mall,

so I dont have to go across town to Bombo Road anymore. The new location has (especially on theinside) character, and space. A small reward rom the management or my loyalty and advertising

would be much appreciated. Just saying.

Barbecue lounge: Beore 9pm on any day o the week that is not Friday and Saturday upstairs

in the amazingly comortable couches. They will serve you your coke with ice and lemon, without

complaining, and they seem to have a no-annoying-waiters/waitresses policy, which works or me.

Great barbecue, too.

Bubbles OLearys: Im sure that you have missed me, Bubbles, or it has been a while, and yet I

know that when I return to you, ater a long hard day at work, you will still play the strangest mix o

music. You will still be the only place that will play Human by The Killers every single Friday, and Viva

la Vida, and Im Yours by Jason Mraz. You will still have the most interesting crowd o people who will

dance as though no one is watching (especially on band night) and you will also not have annoying

waiters (although you might still have that annoying policy o closing at 4am, whether we like it or

not).

Equator Bar (ormerly known as Rhino Pub):Because you make your damn expensive drinks worth it

by having the best deejay in town!

Fareeds (Ntinda Shopping Mall):My No.1 source o reading material. I love that you let me browse

or ever and ever - because buying a book is a process, not a momentary decision, thank you very

much!

The in-betweens (i.e. Balina potential):

Kyoto (comy couches, the swings are a nice touch, and its got a hotspot);

Good Arican Coee (because there are marks or eort, even i the desired result is not quite

achieved);

Caf Mocha is beginning to grow on me, despite the act that I keep getting bounced because they

close at 9 p.m. Or is it 10? (All I know is that it is too early.);Mateos is always a good transition point, i.e. meet people there and then move on to other places;

Katch the Sun (or Kwata Omusana) is always on point i you dont mind the, uh, mellow (read

elderly) crowd. Thursday is band night!

Iguana - good music, nice couches (I do have a thing or couches), and some great dark corners or

those days when you just want to lose it.

The top six places that I will never return to, if I can help it:

Kati Kati restaurant - which never ails to have the worst service imaginable.

Cineplex Cinema, (who unortunately, have a monopoly so I will obviously be back because some

movies were made or the big screen) - because they do not understand the concept o customer service

(at the ticket oice), and because their prices (soda and popcorn) are outrageous.

Efendys, which should not be on this list, because its a more than decent place (especially with the

addition o those great bean bags, and the synchronised music videos on Friday nights). Unortunately,the last time that I was there with my girls, we were treated badly just because we were not with any

guys. We were essentially told (even though we had ordered drinks) that the bean bags were or paying

customers only.

High Table, Kampala road, which I made the mistake o visiting in broad daylight. It is nothing short

o dingy.

The bar commonly known as Bead for Life, which I avoid or personal reasons that I will not

divulge. This should not stop you rom going there. They do have an interesting policy o selling soda

only i you are taking alcohol with it.

Any o the night clubs, on campus night, or ladies night, because a girl has to have standards!

~ ~ Gnuts ~ ~

Hangout Digest


17/21

YourPictorialWorkZiners Up and About Around the World

Brian at Africa Night (US)

Mark Abraham about to get his ass

whooped

Touch FM guys discuss tactics after

the ladies beat them in the corporate

league


18/21

Hannah Meadows doing a charity

climb, Mount Snowdon

Sammy at a Roman (Orgy?) theme

party (UK)


19/21

Sports Dump

At the end of the day, lying deep within Maradonas madness was

great genius. The man has used 78 different players in the qualifiers

for Christs sake. And its not as if he has been coach for more than

a year.May be more baffling in Maradonas madness is why Messi,

Aguerro & a one Carlos Tevez have just failed to impress. Tevez

simply always looks like a headless chicken, Aguerro looks like the

burden of being Maradonas son in law is always weighing down

heavily on him while Messi is simply bored.

Moto GP. Of course Valentino sealed it like we had all expected.

But boy didnt he do it the hard way. First of all Casey stoner has

won both races since his return. The first one was his home race.

He has always won there so no one expected him not to. But the

drama was in the race that followed. The Malaysian grand prix was

where Rossi was expected to wrap it up with a race to spare. In

fact come qualifying and he blew the opposition away. He in fact

set a record fastest lap of the circuit. Come race day and it rained

in Malaysia. Never before had it rained in a Malaysian race. Poor

Jorge Lorenzo had to change a bike so he started in last. Then in the

first corner Rossi goes wide and drops to 15th. What??? Well, no

worries, he chased until he got 3rd then played it safe. Remember

the donkey ears eyes?? This time the celebration was equally as

unique. An egg with the number 9 on it and a chicken dressed in

a Rossi jersey. The question was simple? What came first? The

chicken, the egg or Rossi? Next season should be interesting with

Lorenzo, Stoner and Pedrosa all challenging.

Formula one; I get to laugh at Hamilton for putting up the worst

title defence ever. But I must say after failing to advance from

Q2, Button had a phenomenon ride. But Hamilton bursting

Barichellos tire was perhaps the greatest injustice ever just when

the beleaguered Brazilian looked set to close the gap on button at

home. But then again that reminds you of when Fisichella burst

Schumis when he was chasing down Alonso. All is fair in love andwar I guess. Well we are stuck with another Brit for a champion.

Makes me sad. Alonso is off to Ferrari, with Kimi leaving. But

Kimi must be deluded or on weed.

Apparently rather than drive for a weak team, he would rather

retire.

Abu Dhabi came, and it was beautiful. First of all the race track is

so excruciatingly beautiful. More beautiful is the fact that the race

begun during day and ended at night. The transition was the best

ever.

For a moment even the commentators forgot about the race and

simply admired.

Now Andre Agassi and pistol Pete perhaps played the greatest

duels I ever saw. These guys games had everything. Backhand

flicks, between the legs shots, overhead shots. Then the idiot

Agassi goes and spoils it all by admitting to taking crystal meth.

Apparently Agassi snorted the addictive stimulant in 1997, and

then, after failing a dope test, dodged a ban by lying to the mens

tour with a letter claiming he had drunk a spiked soda. This is

a black day for tennis indeed. Agassi took crystal meth with his

assistant, Slim, who persuaded the 1992 Wimbledon champion tha

it would make him feel like Superman, dude.

What I dont understand is why the dude had to be so honest in his

book. Its simply wrong. On a lighter note Serena Williams took

off her clothes for a photo shoot. The writer is still looking for the

snaps so if u have them please send them to the editor.

This seasons Ugandan league might just turn out to be a cracker.

Of course we were all waiting to see what Nalubaale has to offer

after the court case. And their first game being against Sc Villa

wasnt much help as they went on to lose. Manager Mwajib

attributed it to debutant jitters while the mengo based idiots were

sneering. Come URA Vs Nalubaale and indeed it was just debutan

jitters. Sc Villa play stylish football? Nalubaale have pure stylish

soccer. You remember the kind of soccer that boy Bane Zidane

used to play while at express??

All the Pro line players can produce that kind of soccer. With Villa

and Pro line (Nalubaale) playing the way they are. I might watchmore national super league games than I had planned to. Now afte

KCC and Villa forgot to score goals in their encounter (not that

KCC tried), Fire masters.WHO? Fire masters are on top of the

The greatest escape it was indeed. Forget the celebration after the Peru win. This is what Maradona had to say after

Argentina beat Uruguay. For those who didnt believe in this national team, for those who treated me like garbage

(I say) today we are in the World Cup with all the honors, beating a team like Uruguay, Maradona said.


20/21

table. Now when the season was beginning I didnt even bother to

wonder about them.

However, should we note that they have not yet played a big

team?

I can not fail to talk about the best game of the season so far after

the Manchester derby. Arsenal Vs Liverpool in the Carling cup

had it all. Intrigue, murder, a headless chicken.. In fact only the

sight of Lady Gaga running around naked could have topped the

encounter. Box to box stuff at break neck speed right from thestart. I was so blazed and already in bed but in 10 minutes I had

sobered up. This was the best I enjoyed ever since Ronaldinho

magic for Barcelona against Ac Milan at the san Siro. Then cherry

on the cake for Arsenal was the mauling of Spurs. Well, we always

suspected it but now its confirmed, Spurs are simply not good

enough. If Chelsea beat Manchester United at the bridge come the

weekend, the title is bagged. Manchester United if they are to have

any hope of retaining the title, they better hope that the Bulgarian

Dimitar continues producing those magic moments.

Beautiful goal indeed. It is only fair to say that ManCity held

Birmingham to a draw. Shay Givens penalty save might end upbeing one of the more important contributions of the season. And

for Fergie to say that the press is being rude to Rio Ferdinand is

just simply well Rude. Really even my village grandmother

who has never seen a premiership game in her life can tell you that

the dude is simply not worthy of any serious team right now.

To some it all up, this weeks champions league games are going

to produce some serious nail biting. Liverpool, Juventus, Real

Madrid, Inter Milan, Bayern Munich and even Barcelona all have

no choice but to win. For Liverpool the maths is pretty simple. A

loss to Lyon will mean that Lyon have topped the table and as thus

Liverpool can only qualify as second. But if Fiorentina win then

well, they go to nine points. Now ten points is considered the safe

zone right? You surely cant see Fiorentina failing to collect one

more point after that. And even if Liverpool win, but Lyon and

Fiorentina will be a point away from ten kati kwegamba Now

Juventus and Bayern are in the same group. On 5 and 4 points

respectively. The problem is that Bordeaux didnt read the script

properly and find themselves only a win away from qualifying.

That would mean that one of Bayern and Juventus will have to

do with the Europa league. The Real Madrid predicament isnt

that tough because well, they should comfortably beat all the

other teams. If Ac Milan beats them, they go level on points with

Marseille, only leading via head on. Now the problem is, Reals

last game is in France. We all know the trick to beating Real is

simple, ATTACK. What happens if employ that trick on home

soil. Forget Real failing to qualify. but if they qualify second, they

have to play a to team.

Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal are all poised to qualify

first. Wont Reals days be numbered if they are drawn against

any of them? Barcelona find themselves in a bit of a jiffy thanks

to that 1-0 loss at the Camp nou at the hands of Fk Rubin Kazan.You see, the top three in that group all have 4 points while Inter

Milan while tailing has three. Anyone in that group can qualify.

If Barcelona draw away to Kazan and Inter Milan draw, they will

find themselves in 3rd, remember Barcelona and inter have to

tussle it out in their last group game at the Camp Nou. Anything

can happen. A win for Rubin Kazan and either of Barcelona or

Inter might have to settle for Europa league.


21/21

DISCLAIMER: I you dont like the word eager, you are not going to enjoy this article. Enjoy!

I am eager to get this article over with, cause the Workzine editor is eager to receive my article, cause he is eager to get his mag out,cause he ASSUMES that we are eager to read it.Now that you are eager to read on, let me get on with the gist o my write up. And, Ed, its work related. cause I hear that some criticsare saying that some stu in there (like mine!) is like a loungers dream.

First o all, I am not unemployed, I am gainully employed. Second o all (?) I think about much o this stu rom work. Third o all, Iwrite most o this stu rom work. I think by now we have established that work is a common actor in all this. Nu said.Having said that, I am eager to get back to my article. Its about how eager I was when I rst started working. Eager to learn on the job.Eager to hone my skills. Eager to open a bank account. Eager to open an NSSF account.

Because, as you may have guessed by now, it was my rst real job. Not that I had never worked beore, but this was my rst real job and Iwas an eager beaver.Wait, it still is my rst job! Anyway, I was eager to do my work late that one day, I reached home, and couldnt wait to get to work thenext day, so I was eager to go to bed. In my haste to get the sleeping bit over with, I orgot to set my phone alarm. Well, you can guessnow that despite my eagerness, my eyelids were not so eager to be parted the next morning, and since I had not set an alarm, they partedat an alarming time (Please, see the pun in the previous statement!).

Eager beaver jumps out o bed, eager beaver brushes teeth, eager beaver rushes a shower, eager beaver jumps out o house (With clotheson, o course), eager beaver is not going to take a taxi, he shall take a bike! For those o you who have rummaged through my randomarticles, you know about my love hate relationship with these endish creatures o mans imagination. Mans imagination created themotorbike: boda riders antics on these bikes boggle that same imagination.So, eager beaver makes one mistake. One huge mistake. Eager beaver tells boda rider to rush him to work. I you are reading this andever happen to sit on a boda boda, do this only when you are in an amusement park mood. Other countries have amusement park roller

coasters; our riders try to duplicate the experience on our pothole laden, narrow roads.

So, as boda rider is doing his best to try and make Eager Beaver scream, he encounters Taxi Driver. Now, anyone who has been in Klaknows that boda rider and Taxi driver are kith and kin: they were both spewed orth rom the devils bowels. However, that is as ar astheir kinship goes; on the road, they are sworn enemies.

The events o the next ew moments take place in real time, but to this day, my mind replays them in slow motion. Boda rider is weav-ing in and out o the trac jam. Taxi Driver is approaching rom opposite direction. They see each other. Taxi driver clenches his jaws.Boda rider ollows suit. Boda rider suddenly realises, or the rst time, that he has a passenger on his bike. Better leave this duel or amore appropriate time. Taxi driver foors accelerator pedal, boda rider accelerates but then thinks better o it and brakes, and skids....reallybadly.......

Eager beaver only remembers ramming into the rear end o a pickup, boda rider nowhere on the motorbike. Eager beaver remembers hisdocument wallet being tossed in the road. Eager beaver is let doing pressups in the middle o the road as i he were prostrating or someinterlacustrine sovereign...

Boda rider has recovered rom springing rom the bike a ull TEN seconds beore impact and oers some help. That is when he noticedthat he has smashed the rear light o a pickup. The pickup driver is o the human variety; he is genuinely concerned and asks us i we areokay, notwithstanding the loud noise we made when we banged his pickup...but now boda rider is eager to dust me o and get me the hell out o there. I only to avoid the costs o paying or the smashed rear light.So, beore the driver can come out to inspect the damage to his car, Eager beaver, and eager rider are fying through the trac jam onceagain, to reach oce......late!

One day, I will write about the minimum height requirement or boda riders, because I nd that when my guy stops or any reason, thebike has to lean waaaay too close to the ground, or his oot to step down. Seriously, get high heels or something. Boda riders had betterhope I dont get to parliament, because I will most denitely pass the High Heels Bill!

Also I might pass the our wheel bill which will require that all motorbikes have our wheels. This will drastically reduce the number obike accidents due to alling...unless they manage to overturn them...you know these guys.

And since I have run out o serious things to say, I am very eager to sign o....till next time.

Otea the grate(!)

All articles in this e-zine are provided by you. In case you want to contribute to a specificcolumn or any random thought , please dont be shy. Send your writing or comment oradvert to [email protected] or [email protected]. If you want to get afree copy sent to your email , please send an email with the subject subscribe to the

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Eagerness

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