docs/handbooks/e… · web viewyou will learn this and many other techniques in this basic nlp...

Your Unlimited Powers Basics of NLP page 1

Trainers: Drs. Sytse TjallingiiNLP-Master practitionerInternational Certificated NLP-trainer

and Drs. Marlies Tjallingii NLP-Master Practitioner,AVP master trainerCo-counsel teacherwebsite: www.jeongekendevermogens.nl

Contents1. Practice: Goals of this course..............................................................................................................................5

How to develop a good goal.............................................................................................................................52. Practice: What is your goal with this NLP course “Your unlimited Powers”?..................................................5

1. What is NLP?...................................................................................................................................62. Three life questions.........................................................................................................................7

3. Practice Three Life Questions.............................................................................................................................73. Who is who?.....................................................................................................................................8

What is NLP about?..........................................................................................................................................94. The Pre-Suppositions of NLP.........................................................................................................10

1. Respect for somebody else’s model of the world........................................................................................112. The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.............................................................113. Your mind and your body are parts of the same system, you cannot separate them..................................11

4. Practice: Body and mind.....................................................................................................................................114. The map is not the territory........................................................................................................................115. The most important information about somebody is his/her behavior.......................................................126. Behavior is adaptable and the actual behavior is the best choice there is.................................................127. Every behavior has a positive intention......................................................................................................128. Somebody’s behavior does not represent the person he/she is;.................................................................129. Everyone has all of the resources s/he needs.............................................................................................1210. I am the master of my mind and thus of my results.....................................................................................1311. The person with the greatest number of choices in a given situation is likely to get the best outcome......1312. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.........................................................................................1313. Resistance from somebody with whom you communicate is a signal of shortage of ‘rapport’..................1314. Change makes Change................................................................................................................................1315. You cannot not communicate......................................................................................................................1416. All procedures should enlarge the possibilities of making different choices.............................................1417. Accept the reality as it is.............................................................................................................................14

5. Practice Three Presuppositions...........................................................................................................................146. Practice: From recognizing to respecting...........................................................................................................15

5. Sharp Sensory Acuity......................................................................................................................167. Practice: What our senses delete?.......................................................................................................................168. Practice: The ‘head-tree’: Sharp sensory acuity in sightedness..........................................................................169. Practice: Which Information Do We Really Need?............................................................................................1810. Practice: What is the influence of your imprinted generalizations?...................................................................1811. Practice: Your senses are cheating you!.............................................................................................................1912. Practice: How many legs has an elephant?.........................................................................................................2013. Practice: Observable by your senses or interpretation?......................................................................................2014. Practice: Visual calibration,................................................................................................................................2215. Practice: Detail or overview?..............................................................................................................................2316. Practice: Becoming conscious of differences in Tonality:.................................................................................2417. Practice: Observe Tonality..................................................................................................................................2418. Practice: Observe the differences in the sounds.................................................................................................2419. Practice: Observation Facial Expression............................................................................................................25

6. NLP Communication Model...........................................................................................................2620. Practice: Modern Communication......................................................................................................................2621. Practice: Your internal representation (1):..........................................................................................................2722. Practice: Your internal representation (2):..........................................................................................................29

7. The map is not the territory...........................................................................................................3223. Practice: the map is not the territory:..................................................................................................................32

8. Neurological Levels.........................................................................................................................3324. Practice: Neurological Levels.............................................................................................................................35

9. The unconscious and conscious mind............................................................................................3625. Practice: Read the following series of numbers and cover it after 15 seconds...................................................37

10.The 4-Step Learning Process..........................................................................................................38What is the Four-Step Learning Process?........................................................................................................39

26. Practice: Learning to give compliments.............................................................................................................4027. Practice: The 4-Step Learning Process...............................................................................................................4128. Practice: Your most important teachers, Your Masters......................................................................................41

11.The Four Basic Pre-suppositions...................................................................................................42


1. All learning, behavior and change is unconscious.......................................................................................422 On the side of the Cause or the side of the Result..........................................................................................43

29. Practice Cause or Result?...................................................................................................................................433. Un-Limiting convictions................................................................................................................................44

30. Practice Unlimiting Beliefs.................................................................................................................................44This is difficult ---- This is not yet so easy....................................................................................................44

31. Practice: From a weakening believe to an strengthening conviction..................................................................4532. Practice: Building up empowering convictions..................................................................................................46

4. The central nervous system is not able to store a denial..............................................................................4833. Practice The little elephant.................................................................................................................................48

12.The Sandwich Feedback Model.....................................................................................................4934. Exercise: Train the sandwich feedback..............................................................................................................49

13.Rapport.............................................................................................................................................5035. Practice: The power of the ‘YES, BUT’ word:..................................................................................................5436. Practice: Mismatching and making rapport........................................................................................................54

Pacing and Leading,.........................................................................................................................................5537. Practice: Pacing and Leading..............................................................................................................................55

Rapport with Yourself.......................................................................................................................................5538. Practice: Rapport.................................................................................................................................................55

14.Representation systems...................................................................................................................5639. Practice: Develop your weakest representation system......................................................................................5640. Practice Representation systems preference test................................................................................................5741. Practice Predicates..............................................................................................................................................6042. Practice Predicates 2...........................................................................................................................................61

15.Anchoring.........................................................................................................................................6443. Practice: Circle of Excellence: NLP Process of Self-Anchoring........................................................................6744. Practice: Stapled Anchor....................................................................................................................................68

16.In the box Out the box..................................................................................................................7017.17. Language....................................................................................................................................71

45. Practice Necessity or Possibility:........................................................................................................................7146. Practice Yes, but.......:.........................................................................................................................................72

18.Hierarchy of Language...................................................................................................................7347. Practice: Chunking..............................................................................................................................................75

19.The Meta-Model:.............................................................................................................................7748. Practice: Making a problem smaller...................................................................................................................78

20.The Milton Model............................................................................................................................7949. Practice Milton Language 1................................................................................................................................8050. Practice Milton Language 2................................................................................................................................8151. Practice: Yes set..................................................................................................................................................82

21.Non Violent Communication..........................................................................................................8352. Practice: Walk through the steps........................................................................................................................84

Feelings when your needs are not satisfied......................................................................................................8522.Reframing.........................................................................................................................................87

What I asked life................................................................................................................................................8853. Practice What do you see?..................................................................................................................................8954. Practice Reframing ‘thick lined islands..............................................................................................................89

About Reframing...............................................................................................................................................9055. Practice with reframing.......................................................................................................................................9256. Practice: Perceptual positions.............................................................................................................................93

23.Reading more about NLP...............................................................................................................95Books.................................................................................................................................................................95websites:............................................................................................................................................................95

24.Quotes:..............................................................................................................................................96


Good choice to go for your unlimited powersYour Unlimited Powers is a training course in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). How beautiful would it be if you could substitute doubt about yourself and replace it for self-trust?

Would you like to have that stability that successful people have?Would you like to feel the pleasure of changing the fear, the doubt and the negative thoughts that come to you when unpleasant events happen, for example, changing them into the satisfaction of knowing that this was, after all, a very important learning experience.Would you like to make contacts in your private or working life more easily? Would you like to give yourself and your conversational partner a good feeling about your conversation?You will learn this and many other techniques in this basic NLP training program.

Many people will recognize this: You are not as successful as you wish; it looks as if you always fall in the same pitfalls. You have no idea of how this happens and what you could do better. Or, you want to tell a good friend something that is very important for you and it seems that you don’t get into contact with him or her. Sometimes, when you talk to somebody, you hear a specific word, which reminds you of a painful incident in the past, and it suddenly blocks you. At school we did not learn to communicate with others or to communicate with ourselves.

This basic course in NLP is about this: How do you communicate better? How do you communicate in a way that you really are understood? How do you really reach what you want to reach in your life? How do you become still more successful in your work, your private life, in society?

NLP is a bit like an owner’s manual for your brain, thoughts and senses. NLP isn’t about the content of your message. It is about the structure of your communication. NLP makes you conscious about unconscious processes and patterns.

In the course, we let you see, hear and feel how communication works. You will be trained to use successful communication. These are methods that you can directly apply in your daily life. What you learn today, you can use already today. You will get some theory to give the necessary structure but you will also have fully the opportunity to practice what you learn in a safe setting.

NLP doesn’t say that you should do things in this or that way. With NLP, you will get various alternatives, which means that you will have a number of options and that you can choose the most effective techniques. NLP makes the structures visible of how you do what you do. It always asks the question “Is it effective”?

What is it that you would like to do in the next time period to feel yourself really happy?We are going to look to the strategies of successful people like Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Abbé Pierre, Martin Luther King, etc. Participants of the course will be trained in techniques like anchoring, reframing and developing strengthening convictions. You will experience the power of ‘rapport’. You learn how it helps if you are conscious about the 4-step learning process. You will learn to use empowering language and language that will bring you close to reality. There will be a lot of possibilities to work with your own experiences and in a safe atmosphere sharing thoughts and feelings if you like to do so.

Sytse Tjallingii is an experienced and internationally certified NLP teacher working at the Windesheim University for Professional Education in Zwolle, the Netherlands. His daily work is as a biology teacher trainer. Marlies Tjallingii is a trainer and is NLP Masterpractitioner, lecturer intercultural communication at the Windesheim University for Professional Education and co-counsel teacher.


1. Practice: Goals of this courseDescribe in a few sentences a recent situation of which you have the idea that you rather would like to have communicated in a better way.

How

to develop a good goal1. Use positive terms (avoid ‘not’, ‘no’ or other denials)2. Imagine that you reached your goal already and you know precisely what it is.3. You take action on your own initiative and take the following steps. I want it, I am going for it

(rather than ‘I have to do it’)4. You give a specific sensory-based description of your goals and the steps that are necessary to

get to your desired outcome.5. Ecological, which means you involve the overall relationship between a person and his/her

environment (social and physical).6. Be creative and think of more than one option to reach your target.7. The first step of the goal is specific and feasible.8. Be flexible; enlarge your possibilities to choose.9. Which means/resources, what time planning, which conditions are you going to organize?10. Think about your goal a second time. Notice what has changed.

2. Practice: What is your goal with this NLP course “Your unlimited Powers”?


When did it happen?Where?Who were there?What did you say?What did the other do?What did you see?What did you think?What did you hear?What did you feel?What would you do different?

1. What is NLP?NLP is:

NLP is a group of effective tools to change yourself and your communication. NLP started in the United States of America in the early 1970s. Richard Bandler and John Grinder researched the structure of communication and change. They found that language, neuro-psychology and cybernetics form the basis for both. They gave the name Neuro-Linguistic Programming to this new technique.

In the beginning, they trained and inspired many psychologists, psychiatrists and aid workers. Many of them use now NLP techniques in their working practice. At the present time, NLP techniques are also often applied in business, management, marketing and human resource management, in education and teacher training, coaching and in personal growth. The name Neuro-Linguistic Programming was an attempt to describe in a brief manner the scope of this enormous number of successful insights and skills.Neuro refers to how the senses, mind and body work and interact and the choice you can make to give more attention to strengthening thoughts and positive thoughts about people around you.

Linguistic (lingua is tongue or language) refers to the insights into a person’s thinking that can be obtained by careful attention to his/her use of language, including body language and tonality. It refers to the possibilities you have to use positive language and connect easier with others, who may have different ideas.

Programming refers to possibilities of changing your thinking and behavioral patterns or ‘programs’ which you use in your daily lives. It refers also to the possibility for you to change your behavior in order to bring it more in line with your real identity and mission in your life.It is a set of communication skills which you can use to improve you communicate with yourself and with people around you.

Other explanations of the name NLP could be No Longer Passive, or New Life Planning.The name Neuro-Linguistic Programming has been around for over 30 years it is generally abbreviated to the initials NLP.

You could say that NLP has become successful not because of the title but in spite of it. And, let's face it - if something with such a weird name can become this popular, there must be something good in it, because the title doesn’t favor it at all!


2. Three life questionsFrom Anthony Robbins)

1 What do you focus on?

2 Which meaning do you give it?

3 What are you doing?

3. Practice Three Life QuestionsTake three subjects in your personal life1 My focus in your personal life

2 The meaning I give it

3 The action I want to take

If you are able to focus on empowering thoughts you might become more successful.


3. Who is who?The originators of NLP: Bandler and Grinder.People who are modeled and/or important for NLP: Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir, Gregory Bateson, Fritz Perl, Alfred Korzibsky, Ivan Petrovich Pavlov.

Richard Wayne Bandler (New Jersey, USA February 24, 1950) is an American Gestalt therapist, NLP-trainer and researcher, who developed with John Grinder Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) . Bandler grew up in Sunnyvale, California, in what is now Silicon Valley.He began his studies in mathematics eventually earned his bachelor's degree in philosophy and psychology (1973) at the University of California, Santa Cruz (UCSC) and Master (1975) in psychology at the Lone Mountain College in San Francisco.

John Thomas Grinder (Detroit (Michigan), January 10, 1940) is a professor in American Anglicism, linguistic and researcher. Grinder studied at the beginning of the 60s anglistics at the University of California, Santa Cruz (UCSC). There, later in his academic career, he worked on Noam Chomsky's transformational grammar, specializing in 'syntax'.

At the end of the sixties, Grinder went back to school to study linguistics and in 1972 he graduated from the University of California, San Diego on the thesis On Deletion Phenomena in English. At the beginning of the seventies Grinder worked in the laboratory of George A. Miller at Rockefeller University in New York City, when he was appointed assistant professor of linguistics at the UCSC.

In 1972 he was approached by the psychology student Richard Bandler, who was working with the leadership of a study Gestalt psychology in order to participate as a supervisor. Bandler had a lot of time writing out recordings of Fritz Perls, one of the founders of the Gestalt psychology and also from Virginia Satir, family therapist. While he was studying psychology , he also had learned about Gestalt. They started together to investigate especially the non-verbal communication. Their first book was ‘The structure of Magic’.


Alfred Korzibsky, Professor of linguistics and semantics

What

is NLP about?Everyone has an identity at birth. This identity is obviously not mature, but develops through what we do in our personal lives and what we will continue to experience. Each person will receive his experiences through the five senses: we can only look, listen, feel, taste or smell. Sometimes there is the appearance of a sixth sense, sometimes one or more senses are lacking or underdeveloped. Thus we can see that most of the acquisition and processing of experiences is through three channels: Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic.


4. The Pre-Suppositions of NLPNLP is largely based on practical experience rather than academic theories, and the NLP pre-suppositions - some unique to NLP, some borrowed from General Semantics, cybernetics, etc. - are extremely useful as a guide to the thinking behind NLP as a whole. Because each is usually expressed in a single sentence, they are sometimes misunderstood as being vague and/or idealistic. In reality they are all extremely pragmatic and effective. A presupposition is working for you, if you believe in it. They are not true or false. Some of the best-known NLP pre-suppositions include:

1. Respect for somebody else’s model of the world and of yourself. 2. The meaning of your communication is the response that you

get.3. Your mind and your body are parts of the same system, you

cannot separate them.4. The map is not the territory. 5. The most important information about somebody is his/her

behavior.6. Behavior is adaptable and the actual behavior is the best choice

there is.7. Every behavior has a positive intention 8. Somebody’s behavior does not represent the person he/she is;

accept the person and you may want to change his/her behavior.9. Everyone has all of the resources s/he needs.10. I am the master of my mind and thus of my results.11. The person with the greatest number of choices in a given

situation is likely to get the best outcome.12. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.13. Resistance from somebody with whom you communicate is a

signal of shortage of ‘rapport’. 14. Change makes Change.15. You cannot not communicate.16. All procedures should enlarge the possibilities of making

different choices.17. Accept the reality as it is. (could be the first step before No1)

Explaining of the presuppositions

1. Respect for somebody else’s model of the world. Commentary: Successful communication can only be done out of respect for the internal representation of the world held by the other person. As a matter of definition everybody has his own model of the world depending from his/her personal experiences. Good examples of people who had great success with respect for the model of the world of the other: Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King.

2. The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.Commentary: The pre-supposition here is that people will respond to what they think you mean, which may be an accurate or inaccurate interpretation of your intended meaning. (Please note, a "communication" is the 'whole' message - not only what you said but also all of the


accompanying non-verbal signals.).The value of this pre-supposition is that it points out that if we want people to respond appropriately to what we say, then we need to talk to them rather than at them. That is, we need to be constantly aware of other people’s responses to what we're saying, and adjust our communication accordingly, rather than just assuming that they will have understood what we meant them to understand.

3. Your mind and your body are parts of the same system, you cannot separate them.

Commentary: The notion that our body and our brain/mind are separate entities was developed within the medical profession around the 1930s and 1940s. If there was something wrong with your body - from a sniffle to malignant cancer - the only solution was some kind of physical treatment.Despite its position (literally) at the head of the central nervous system, in mainstream medicine it was received wisdom that, for all practical purposes, the influence of the brain/mind stopped at the neck.Somewhat ironically, this came about at the very same time General Semantics was investigating the idea that mental activity had a direct correlation to physiological activity. Only in the last couple of decades practical, scientifically verifiable evidence has come to light that shows beyond reasonable doubt that the immune system, for example, is integrally linked to brain activity so that, for example, mental stress can inhibit the performance of the immune system and thus lead to a decrease in general bodily health.

4. Practice: Body and mind.Make a circle with the forefinger and the thumb of your left hand.Link the forefinger and the thumb of your right hand through the first circle. The circles are interlinked and will only come apart by pulling on one of your hands.Think of a very unpleasant, dreadful situation and pull hard to break the circle. How much force do you need?Think of a pleasant, successful situation and pull again. What is the difference?

4. The map is not the territory. Commentary: This may well be the single most important pre-supposition in all of NLP. It was originally developed by Alfred Korzybski, the founder of General Semantics.In very simple terms, it means that we are always slightly separated from 'reality'. We draw maps, but the map is not actually the place it depicts and we need to be responsive to what is actually happening around us rather than complaining that things aren't as they "ought to be".Similarly, we need to understand that words are only a kind of shorthand for the things they describe. To get an inkling of what this means in practice, just look at the words on a banknote. What exactly does "promise to pay the bearer" really mean?What would an actual pound or dollar look like, as distinct from a coin or bank note which represents or symbolizes some financial value? Any metaphor is not what it depicts; words are not the things they describe; symbols are not the things they represent, your internal representation is not the reality. See the NLP-communication model.

5. The most important information about somebody is his/her behavior.Commentary: To be effective in your communication it is important to make a distinction between the behavior and the person. A judgmentally-free description of someone’s behavior can bring him/her closer to reality and start strategies for change.

6. Behavior is adaptable and the actual behavior is the best choice there isCommentary: Another way of putting this is, if we adopt a certain behavior it is because once it worked. We (un)consciously make the choice to act as we do using all the experiences and insights we have available at that moment. The trouble is that we often go on with a certain behavior even though it is apparently no longer appropriate.


Having said that, if we accept this pre-supposition, then we also realize that the most effective solution is to find a new, more appropriate behavior rather than holding a lengthy, pointless post-mortem over the old behavior (which is more likely to re-enforce that old behavior rather than driving it out).

7. Every behavior has a positive intentionCommentary: This is possibly the most controversial of the NLP pre-suppositions, since it is so open to misinterpretation.What we actually mean is that every behavior has a positive intention, as far as the person exhibiting the behavior is concerned.This does not mean that the behavior is the best possible choice (from an objective point of view), nor does it mean that the behavior will have positive benefits for anyone else. A classic example of what we might call the inverted positive intention is the behavior of the bullying manager who gains re-assurance by abusing the people under him/her.The solution to this kind of inappropriate behavior is to find a way of satisfying the intention using more acceptable means. In the previous example, this would involve a way, of giving the manager re-assurance such that he no longer needs to bully his employees.

8. Somebody’s behavior does not represent the person he/she is; accept the person and you may want to change his/her behavior.

Commentary: If you say; “Your are stupid”, it demotivates at a level of identity. If you say your behavior could be more effective, the person is encouraged to change.

9. Everyone has all of the resources s/he needs.Commentary: This is one of the "dodgy" pre-suppositions in that it doesn't exactly match the pre-supposition it was based on. What Erickson actually said was that every client already had all the resources s/he needed to be able to deal with his/her "presenting problem". That is to say, at some level s/he already knew how the problem had come about and therefore already knew all s/he needed to resolve the problem, which isn't quite the same as saying that we all have whatever resources (or capabilities) we need to get us out of ANY situation.

Even if we accept the pre-supposition as it is usually stated, I suggest that we need to acknowledge two qualifications which I call Bradbury's corollaries:In order to use a resource you must

know that you have it, and know how to use it

(although not necessarily at a conscious level). Let me illustrate what I mean by referring to the question of how children should be educated.Some people, taking the viewpoint that we already have all the resources we need, argue that children must be free to learn what they want to when they want to, and that ultimately they'll learn everything they need to know.Those in the traditionalist camp point out, quite accurately, that this approach simply doesn't work and that education therefore must be carefully structured and controlled.A third, and far more true-to-life approach takes into account all three parts of the NLP pre-supposition

Children have all the resources they need in order to learn very effectively. (If they didn't, how would they learn to walk and talk without taking "lessons"?) And they need to understand that they have this capability and... To know how to use it.

In other words, children do need help and guidance. Education, after all, is a living process, not a static event.First and foremost, they need to learn how to learn. Just banging the tools down in front of them and expecting them to get on with it is a total non-starter. By the same token, however, too much structure and control turns learning into a boring routine chore. And look what happens then!

10.I am the master of my mind and thus of my results.Your Unlimited Powers Basics of NLP page 12

Commentary: This is a very important pre-supposition, because it means that I really am in charge of my life. What I do is important. What I give I get back. It is my choice to decide what I’m going to do. It determines my results.

11.The person with the greatest number of choices in a given situation is likely to get the best outcome

Commentary: This is related to the idea of BATNA (best alternative to non-agreement). If you go into a negotiation session with only one outcome in mind and you don't achieve that particular outcome, then you're up a dead-end street. If, on the other hand, you have several outcomes in mind (prioritized from "most preferred" to "least preferred", of course) then it is likely that you will achieve at least one of your outcomes.

12.There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.Commentary: When something doesn't go as we planned, we tend to see it as failure. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, we then might get angry, irritated, sad, depressed, worried, guilty or whatever, none of which serves any useful purpose.

But what happens if we see the situation as feedback rather than failure, that is, as a real life demonstration of how not to do something? Instead of being wrong, we've learned something. Instead of feeling bad, we are free to form a new plan of action and try again.

Is this cozy, rosy-tinted 'positive thinking'? Not exactly. Edison identified about a 1,000 materials, which are not suitable as filaments for a light bulb before he found one which worked and worked well. A number of best-selling books (i.e., million sellers plus film) were turned down by more than two dozen publishers before they were accepted for publication. And always remember the poor talent scout at Decca records who rejected the Beatles as having no future in music!

13.Resistance from somebody with whom you communicate is a signal of shortage of ‘rapport’.

Commentary: This pre-supposition encourages you to look for more rapport when you get only reactions of “Yes, but………”

14.Change makes Change.Commentary: It is a common saying that "the only person you can really change is yourself”. NLP goes one step further and also acknowledges that changing your own behavior inevitably has an effect on the people around you. The underlying notion, derived from the field of cybernetics, is that when one element within a system changes, the whole system must change in whatever way is necessary to adapt to that change.There is a fascinating little experiment which demonstrates the truth of this pre-supposition. Groups of three people were sitting in an otherwise empty room in such a way that they were facing the other two persons. No one spoke, no one moved around, gesticulated or otherwise sent overt non-verbal messages. And yet ... In every trial, it took no more than two minutes for the person with the strongest feelings at the time, positive or negative, to provoke the same emotion in the other two people.

15.You cannot not communicate.Commentary: People often imagine that they can avoid personal responsibility by simply saying nothing. This pre-supposition points out that we are constantly communicating by what we say, by what we don't say and by a host of non-verbal signals. On this basis, it may be obvious that there is more to be gained by accepting responsibility for one's actions than by trying to stay aloof.

16.All procedures should enlarge the possibilities of making different choices.

Commentary: It is a good guideline for all kinds of interventions. This is obviously linked with pre-


supposition number 11.

17.Accept the reality as it is. Commentary: Only by accepting the situation as it comes to you will you be able to take action and change it if you wish.The pre-suppositions of NLP are a powerful base on which all in the NLP method is built. It is the motor in that gives the strength and forward movement of the method. It is the neuro-linguistic concept that each person creates his/her own reality. Thus, the pre-suppositions are a number of confirmations of reality, the human experience, human communication and change.

The pre-suppositions of NLP are convictions. They give a directive power to human behavior. In the process of changing our behavior, changing our own beliefs, the pre-suppositions are a powerful key. If we want to model success, we must learn to model people who are successful. The pre-suppositions of NLP are modeled on people who have had success in their lives.

The pre-suppositions have not been proved to be true or untrue, but they are extremely effective if you take them seriously.

As with all aspects within NLP, these pre-suppositions are taken from various scientific areas such as psychology (Freud), semantics (Korzybski), transformative grammar (Noam Chomsky), system theory (Gregory Bateson), cybernetics (W. Ross Ashby), pragmatism (William James), phenomenology (Edmund Husserl) and hypnotherapy (Milton Erickson).

If you accept a pre-supposition fully and integrate it, the perception of the reality will also be formed in that sense. It will reflect your (communicational) behavior. You will create the greatest effect of the pre-suppositions of NLP if you see them as a whole and not as separate parts. They all influence one another.

Questions:1 To what degree (given in percentage) are you responsible for your own communication?(think about it, any answer is correct; which answer does reflect your idea about your communication?)

2 And to what degree (given in percentage) are you responsible for the response on your communication?(Again think about it, any answer is correct; which answer does reflect your idea about your communication?)

5. Practice Three PresuppositionsUnderline three presuppositions which seem most effective to you.Think of situations in your life where you applied them or could have applied them to get a successful outcome.

6. Practice: From recognizing to respectingYou could take the last and the first presupposition together. First recognizing a situation, becoming conscious of a feeling in yourself, recognizing the feeling in somebody else, then acknowledging the feeling, then accept that it is as it is, then respect it and only then you may start to think in changing and working with that person.

I'm ...I'm not perfect ...I'm good enough ...I know who I am ...I know what I want ....


Sometimes I'm a talker ..Sometimes I’m very quiet ...I accept myself ...To know me you should learn this ...I am who I want to be ...I do what I do want.....So you have to accept me, like I’m..............


5. Sharp Sensory Acuity7. Practice: What our senses delete?

1 Read the following text once and count how many times he letter F occurs.

Write the number you count …....

2 Count another time but now very carefully. I count now …. (write it down). ...................(answer on the last page )

What kind of actions do our senses perform?

.................................................................................................

8. Practice: The ‘head-tree’: Sharp sensory acuity in sightedness

What do you see upon first looking at the next page? (look for only one second), How many heads?

How many heads do you see if you look again for another second?

How many faces do you discover when you look for ten seconds?

How much time is necessary to make an internal representation?

How much do you see more if you look a bit longer with more attention in somebody’s face, if you have longer eye contact?


FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULTS OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH EXPERIENCE OF YEARS OF TRUTHFUL WORK AND OF INTENSIVE REFLECTION OF FANTASTIC BRAINS FOCUSING ON UNFULFILLED FEELINGS

What do we really need to get a complete image?

How much more you will see, hear and feel if you take more time in your communication to look better, to listen more carefully, to sense more what the other really wants to communicate?


The Head Tree

9. Practice: Which Information Do We Really Need?

10. Practice: What is the influence of your imprinted generalizations?

Which feelings has this person?: …………………………………………………

Turn the page upside down (see also the last page). What is your observation is: …………………………………….

And what is your interpretation?………………………………….

How do we distort information in our filters?

How important is it to distinct between observation and interpretation?


Acrocidng to sinefitc rsaerceh at an Eglnhis Uvirntsiey it dseson’t mkae any defenrifce in wchih suqenece the ltreets in a wrod are psiotienod, the olny tnihg whcih is intamropt is taht the fsrit and the lsat lteetr are at the rhgit palce.The oehetr lttrees may be pealcd on any pacle. You are albe to raed eislaiy waht is wttrien. The rosean is taht we are redinang erevy lteetr saetperlaly but ervey wrod as a wolhe.

11. Practice: Your senses are cheating you!Are the horizontal lines parallel?

What are the differences between images 1 and 2?(Answer on the last page.)What makes an observation accurate?

Because of the continuous movement of your eyes, it seems that the horizontal lines in both images are approaching each other. At the same time they seem to jump. So an eye is not a photo camera which registers static images. The eye registers only changes in the intensity of light that falls on the rods and cones in the retina at the fovea, which are provoked in a static image by eye movements. Sometimes this makes accurate observation more difficult.Our observations are limited by our senses. We cannot make any internal representations beyond the possibilities of our senses.


image 1 image 2

12. Practice: How many legs has an elephant?1. Observe this image carefully. 2. How many legs does this elephant have?3. Cover the lower part with a paper, how many legs do you count now?4. Cover the upper part, how many legs do you count this time?5. Give an explanation with your internal representation in combination with your memories in your

filters.

13. Practice: Observable by your senses or interpretation?

Fill in on the right side: Observable by your sense (= Obs.) or Interpretation (= Int.)

1. Her lips were more narrow and the muscles in her face were strained. ……..

2. There was a warm expression on his face. ……..

3. It was clear that he felt relieved. ……..

4. I guess that his heart beat at 180 beats per minute. ……..

5. Because of the responsibilities of her job she was under heavy pressure. ……..

6. His speaking tempo went faster and the sound of his voice went up. ….….

7. When you touched him I could see the curiosity on his face. ……..

8. Suddenly her breathing slowed down and her chest hardly moved. ……..

9. The color of her face became darker when she looked downward to the right. ……..

10. When she spoke I could hear the joy in her voice. ……..

11. When he leant forward his breathing went faster. ……..

12. When she smiled I knew that she was enchanted. ……..

13. His voice sounded louder because he was excited. ……..

14. Her mouth corner went up and at that moment I knew that she was happy ……..

15. His skin color went paler and his breathing went faster. ……..

Make this exercise and check the answers on the last page.

16. Think of some examples from your own daily life in which your interpreted observations different from what the other person indicated later to you.

What do you think of the quotation of Friedrich Nietzsche German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

“There are no facts, only interpretations”

About

Sensory Acuity


Perception =projection

An important part of NLP is training in sensory acuity: where to place your attention and how to change and enlarge your filters so that you notice things that you had not noticed previously. It is present at the moment of sensory awareness. It is the power of ‘now’. When communicating with others, this means noticing the small but crucial signals that Iet you know how the other person is responding. These are the little changes in skin color, position of the mouth corner, slowing down or speeding up breathing etc. When thinking, that is, communicating with yourself, it means heightened awareness of your internal images, sounds and feelings.

You need the acuity or sensitivity to notice if what you are doing is getting you what you want. If what you are doing is not working, do something else, anything else. You need to hear, see and feel what is happening and have a choice of responses.

Observing these little changes and fine-tuning your communication according to them is called "calibration" – the skill of observing patterns and changes in a person's skin coloration, posture, movement, gestures, breathing, vocal quality and even pulse rate.

All of these calibrated patterns inform you as the observer and practitioner of structural elements of non-verbal communication. It gives you the necessary information about the other’s present and desired state. It opens avenues for exploration and a useful reaction.

Interpretation or observation?


14. Practice: Visual calibration, (close observation of other people’s non-verbal signs).Basic: Bandler and Grinder discovered that people show extremely small changes from one moment to another and that these changes have an important meaning. Thus, it is important that you have enough sensory acuity to observe these small changes.

5 visual non-verbal signs in facial expressionPut a x (cross) for a not nice person/event and a 0 (zero) for the nice one.

1. Color of the skinLight_________________________________________________________________Dark

2. Tension of the skinShiny ________________________________________________________________Dim (Not shiny)Symmetric____________________________________________________________AsymmetricWrinkles:in forehead:Deep and clear _______________________________________________Superficialbetween Eyes deep and clear _____________________________________________Superficialin temple Deep and clear_________________________________________________Superficialaround mouth Deep and clear_____________________________________________Superficial

3. BreathingSpeed Fast____________________________________________________________SlowPlace High ____________________________________________________________Low

4. Size of the under lip, position of the mouth cornerLines_________________________________________________________________No linesMouth corner Upwards __________________________________________________Downwards

5. EyesFocus Sharp___________________________________________________________SoftPupil size Enlarged_____________________________________________________Not enlarged

Observation Practice 1(in pairs 2 x 6 minutes)Person A shuts his eyes and focuses his thoughts on a situation or person which he dislikes the most. Person A nods if he is totally associated (that means totally in that situation, seeing that person and seeing, hearing and feeling what he observed at that time). Person B helps by asking: Look at the image as you see it/him. Listen again to the sounds / the voice of the person. Feel how it feels to be in this situation/with this person.B observes and writes a cross on the scales on the previous page with the 5 visual signs (only the most clear visual signs).Break state: B asks, for example, How many lights are in the room?

Observation Practice 2Person A focuses on a situation or person which he likes the most. (nods when he is totally associated). B helps again in the same way with questions.B observes and notes the striking visual signs.Break state: B asks, for example, how A went to the place of the NLP course this morning.TestPerson B asks person A: "Focus on which of both people you visited most recently”.


A focuses again as intensely as possible on the situation or person he likes or dislikes.B observes and notes with a cross the five signs (don’t guess immediately – take time for the observation) B interprets according to the observations. Was A focusing on what he liked or what he disliked? B explains his observations.Note: Be carefully that A takes sufficient time to be really focused and associated!Change roles.

Write what was observation and what was interpretation.Was your interpretation in accord with what the other person said about his internal representation? If not, it doesn’t matter, because the exercise is meant to enlarge the sensory acuity and there can be many reasons that had influenced the visual facial expression.What is your conclusion?

15. Practice: Detail or overview?Look at the image underneath of a Dutch stamp. Describe what you observe.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Look now at the image of the same stamp on the next page.Write down what you observe.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………What is your conclusion about the accuracy of observations at close quarters or from a distance?See next page.


Continuation of Practice 15

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

16. Practice: Becoming conscious of differences in Tonality:

How many animal sounds do you recognize?How many bird sounds?How many musical instruments?How many voices can you distinguish?How many different feelings can you distinguish from a voice?The conclusion is that you can learn a lot through distinguishing tonalities!

17. Practice: Observe Tonality.Person A tells a story in jabber talk without words in 30 seconds. Person B listens with eyes closed. B focuses on the little changes in tonality:

1st half 2nd half17. Volume (hard/soft)18. Rhythm (regular/irregular)19. Inflections of the voice and stress on

certain words or syllables (they can be interpreted as questioning or stating)

20. Tempo (fast/slow)21. Pauses between words and/or

sentences.22. Sound height (expressed in Hertz).23. Timbre (the nature of the sound, for

example, with many or few overtones)

Write down your observations in objective terms in the right column. Then give your interpretations in terms of what kind of emotions were in the story.Listen with your eyes closed to the radio or TV and don’t bother about the content. Fill in the table above another time. What is the difference with the story in jabber talk?

Listen during daytime to the big variation in tonality of the voices around you.Allow the interpretation to be what it is, that comes later, more important at first is to exercise with curiosity and surprise to discover this new dimension in all its directions.

18. Practice: Observe the differences in the soundsHandclapping (In threes: )A closes his/her eyes. B and C clap their hands just in front of A, every time just at the same position.A describes the differences.Then B or C goes to the same place and claps his hands again. A describes the sound.A guesses if it is B or C.


Footsteps:Do the same but then with footsteps or stamping the feet.

HandshakingDo the same but then with handshaking.

Small details that become important if you notice them.Become conscious of the enormous resources of information, which become available to you if you are going to use your senses more accurate and in a more focused way.

Milton Erickson, the famous and successful psychiatrist once said, "Did you know that every blade of grass has a different green colour?" If you take time and attention to observe this, then you will see that this is really true. As a biologist, this very much appeals to me. One sentence of a story from Erickson can change the feeling of a whole day.

A similar phenomenon is that, when someone has just bought a new car of a certain brand, he suddenly sees the same brand everywhere. Similarly, someone who is pregnant suddenly sees pregnant women everywhere. When I started working in Africa, I discovered that Africans are as different from each other as Europeans, but it takes some time to discover it.

When I was travelling in Israel and Palestine recently, I attempted to learn to read Hebrew and Arabic. Very soon I became aware that some symbols had a meaning, where before they were only little wobbles. Suddenly I saw all kind of texts, which I had previously overlooked. I realized myself that every teacher who has had to teach reading and writing is confronted with this phenomenon. Using attention and repetition, children learn accuracy in small details in bobbles, which take on important meanings if they notice them. Sytse

19. Practice: Observation Facial ExpressionLook at the Croatian people below and describe their facial expression


Notice how you will observe many more details of facial expressions of other people in the coming time period.

6. NLP Communication ModelWhat is communication about?

Robert Birdwhistle has done much research on human behavior. He discovered that you can divide behavior in three types: Physiology: This includes everything which has anything to do with position of body parts, facial expression etc. Tonality: This includes all the aspects of the voice; think about the speed of speaking, volume, tonality, moments of silence, rhythm etc. Words

What determines the effect of your communication? Take somebody who is saying something to you that he says is very important, very interesting. At the same time, you notice that he is hardly looking at you, he wobbles and is breathing quickly. At the same time, you can hardly hear what he is saying. Do you believe the words? Very probably not. How is this possible?

Prof. Mehrabian discovered that when communicating feelings:

an average of 55 % of communication is determined by physiology;38 % of communication is determined by the tonality;and that only 7 % of communication is determined by words.

At the same time, he discovered that this mostly is an unconscious process.See the Mehrabian Myth on Internet

Professor Albert Mehrabian

20. Practice: Modern CommunicationEnter the amount of the communication which you miss in the following ways to communicate:phoneemailskypeif you pick up someone from the airport who is sitting at the arrivals with a thick glass wall between you.SMS, Twitter,


words

tonalityphysiology

Simplified NLP Communication Model

21. Practice: Your internal representation (1):1. Think of something you like. (eg sports, work, organization, food, music, dancing, etc.)2. Close your eyes.3. Do you see an image? Do you see colors? Movement? Is the image big or small? Are you inside the

picture or are you outside the picture?4. Do you hear something or someone?5. Do you taste or smell something?6. Now notice in what mood you are.7. Open your eyes.8. What was your internal representation?9. What was the impact of the internal representation on your physiology?10. What impact has this state when you were telling about your internal representation (which is your

behavior)?


“I bought a dog”

“Oh yes? A big dog?” “No not so big”

“With long hair?” “No with short hair.”

“Which colour?”“Spotted black and white”

“What a nice dog!” “Yes it is indeed”

Complete NLP Communication Model

22. Practice: Your internal representation (2):Write down individually at least five words which come in your mind in connection with the word ‘holidays” or another word. How many of these five words have been mentioned by everybody in the group?Count together how many times each word has been written down.Is the internal representation of each of the members of the group of the word ‘holidays’ the same?


What kind of consequences does this have for your communication?


Explaining the NLP Communication Model

The NLP Communication model is the most important part of NLP, as theory, practice and implementation derives from it. Whether we speak of anchoring, strategies, values or creating goals, these concepts will always link back to the model. Richard Bandler and John Grinder began NLP with modeling excellence, that is, observing people who are effective at communicating with themselves and others. They then broke down how such people do this and presented the model.So, what is it?

An external event comes inside our neurology and our filters delete, distort and generalize that event. An external event can be a picture (visual), or something we hear (auditory) or something we say to ourselves (auditory digital); a feeling we have (kinesthetic) - which may be a feeling inside of ourselves or a tactile feeling; a smell (olfactory) or the taste of something (gustatory). Filters are time, space, matter and energy, language, memories and decisions, meta-programs and our values, beliefs and attitudes. They filter our experience and so that we create an internal representation. We label those experiences with our internal dialogue – Auditory digital. You may not be aware of this but your internal dialogue constitutes suggestions that you give to your unconscious mind on a regular basis. Your point of view, your evaluation of your experience also makes a difference to the kind of suggestions you are giving your unconscious mind. Now here’s the interesting part; we have about 2 million plus bits of information PER SECOND which are coming into all channels and into the neurology of our nervous system. Studies claim that the human brain is capable of taking in 134 bits per second. The brain is an information processing unit and it takes in this information and processes it into an internal representation. In order to handle the 134 bits, it groups them into manageable chunks of 7 plus or minus 2 chunks. So, from the 2 million plus bits of information per second, our brain is capable of taking in 134 bits per second. So, think how much we are missing out. The human nervous system is designed to recognize patterns that exist within the content of the information. You are leaving out so much of the information which you see, hear, and feel, etc so that it is not possible for you to fully attend to all the information that comes to you. Our filters then delete, distort and generalize the information. Deletion

Due to the enormous amount of information to which we are exposed, it is necessary to delete some of the information. A good example of this is with the following sentences, A snake in the the grass A pie in the the sky In order to make sense of what you see, there is the tendency to delete that which doesn’t make sense to you. Distortion

Distortions occur when we make shifts in our experience of sensory data by making misrepresentation of reality. Generalization

This is where we make generalizations based on past experiences and familiarity. Generalizations enable us to learn as we link it to past learning and generalize on that experience. We have all had experiences where we have been somewhere with someone and the other person has had a completely different take on what happened or on what someone else said – you both heard, saw and felt different things about the exactly same experience. That is because we delete, distort and generalize the information that comes to us. The map is not the territory – the internal representations that we make about an event are not necessarily what actually happened. Filters

Meta-programs are the most unconscious of our filters and knowing someone’s meta-programs enables you to determine how they handle information.


Values are how we evaluate our external world; they determine what we believe to be good or bad and our motivations. Beliefs are a result of values. They are the rules that we have in our lives. Beliefs are what we believe to be true or not true. Memories filter out that which is not familiar to us. Our memories become formed on a gestalt (Gestalt is a selection of memories associated by a certain subject, the sum total of those memories are going to be greater than the effect of the single memories themselves) and, especially when we get older, shape what we process. We also filter based on past decisions; these decisions may have formed beliefs and then we filter on those beliefs. With all techniques in NLP, we always come back to the NLP Communication model. In the process of anchoring, it is the state (our internal emotional condition) that we anchor in anchoring. In strategies, we can discover how people compartmentalize and access information and detect what internal representations they prefer. In modeling (the foundation of NLP) we find out people’s strategies, values and motivation to understand how they do what they do and then replicate that in ourselves.

The 4th presupposition of NLP:The words which we use are NOT the territory or external event or the thing which they represent. (The map is not the territory)


7. The map is not the territoryThe reality is not the same as the picture we make of it. Selective perception, interpretation, giving meaning, memorization, selective memory access and formulation of words work differently with each individual interaction with other people. These personal factors, form an incomplete picture and cause an unreliable reflection of the reality.Our ideas, vision or expression of the reality can give us both productive and unproductive internal representations. This concept, that we act and feel based on our perception of the world, rather than on the basis of reality, invites us to deal more consciously with our ideas, images and statements. Change is therefore first of all change of perception, meaning, and wording.These are the inner maps in our head which we call the ‘model of the world. This principle comes from the general semantics, a direction in the philosophy about language and symbols, and the relationship with the real world developed by Alfred Korzybski.People with growing experience will increasingly see that everyone has their own model of the world. This process can be supported with some simple exercises where students realize how much it yields to judge less quickly, to create more options and to recognize and acknowledge the other more and more.Practicing the difference between the objectively observable by our senses and the interpretation can help you from ‘knowing’ (judging) to comparing internal representations, from “I’m right” to “We both have our own truth”. An exercise in attention and appreciation of differences between people contributes to this development.

23. Practice: the map is not the territory:Write at least five individual words that come to your mind in connection with the word "holiday", or another agreed word.How many of these five words will be written by each member of the group ?Indicate for every word how often it's written.What is the internal representation of each of the members of the group with the word "holiday"?What does this mean for your communication?

The six blind people:

8.


sometimes you could better use:Mission

Neurological LevelsThe Neurological Levels concept was developed by Robert Dilts, taking much of his inspiration from the work of Gregory Bateson (leading anthropologist, philosopher and seminal figure in the early

development of NLP). Taking his cue from Bateson, Dilts conceived a hierarchy of levels that the mind uses to order its relationship with the world. Dilts linked these 'Logical Levels' to neurological functions and structure of the brain. Thus, Neurological Levels!

While the supposed 'logicality' of the model has been attacked and Dilts' use of neurology is sometimes open to question, almost everyone who has worked with the model testifies to its power to describe what we might call Nominal Level Adaptation. In other words, we move from Identity to the Values & Beliefs, which flow from Identity to the Environment in which we find ourselves. The key to a healthy


psyche, according to Dilts, is to align the levels from top to bottom so that the Identity has the Values & Beliefs to acquire the necessary Skills & Knowledge to demonstrate appropriate Behavior in the Environment. Where the neuroscientists have found Dilts' attribution of brain structures to functioning of the levels to be phenomenally perceptive is in the relationship between Values & Beliefs and Skills & Knowledge.

Skills & Knowledge (also called Capability or Competency) involves higher level processing in the cerebral cortex of the brain. Here, mental maps are formed from sensory information, other mental representations and imagination, and plans are made.However, Values & Beliefs - which relate to the question, 'why?' - are associated with the limbic system and, in particular, the amygdala's stimulation of the hypothalamus. The limbic system's integration of information from the cortex and regulation of the autonomic nervous system means that physiological changes such as tingling of the skin and increase in heart rate often occur when we are operating at this level. However, the amygdala can react to certain sensory information faster than the cortex can evaluate and plan, resulting in what also is called 'emotional hijacking'. People can act before thinking and without any sense of consequences when their Values & Beliefs are challenged!

Interestingly, again drawing from Bateson's work, Dilts also identified different linguistic patterns and vocabulary associated with each level. (This is reflected in the words on the right hand side of the graphic above.)

In the Dilts hierarchy, the higher the level change, the greater the impact upon the whole. This doesn't rule out change at the lower levels impacting upwards - though this is far less likely and is also less likely to be sustainable.

Mission & VisionWhere are we going with our life? With which people? Which activities and places that are central to this vision for our life/future - and, perhaps, the contribution we intend to make to the world.

Identity Our self-esteem, our sense of self, what we identify with. This can include identifying with such things as our job, marriage, religion. It can also include how we interpret events in terms of our own self-worth.

Beliefs & Values Whether we believe something is possible or impossible, whether we believe it is necessary or unnecessary, whether or not we feel motivated about it.

Capability & Skills Whether or not we have innate capabilities and/or learned skills for dealing appropriately with an issue.

Behavior Our external behaviors. This could include, for example, what an observer would see or hear or feel when we are engaged in a particular activity.

Environment Our surroundings: the people and places that we are interacting with, and responding to, when we are engaged in a particular activity.


second

24. Practice: Neurological Levels1. Take a serious problem but one that is not too big.2. Put the words the neurological levels on the ground with a space of 30 – 40 cm between them.3. Start with Environment or Behavior at the bottom, walk than step by step in the direction of

Mission and return from Mission to Environment.4. Change as soon as possible to the solution of your problem5. Notice how the energy of your Mission changes your neurological levels on return.

Spirituality or mission: highest level,What is my goal in this life? What is the meaning of my existence? What is the Foundation of my existence. For which purpose you do everything?

Turn around and look from you highest mission to your identity.What is your most important mission in your life?

Identity:The fundamental “I”-feeling, the center of my self-estimate, emotions and my dedication in life. Do you always have to fulfill the request of others or do you often ask others to do what you like to be done?Who am I? What do I mean to others?.

The fundamental “I”-feeling, the center of myself estimate, emotions and my dedication in life.Who are you if you perform this mission?

Beliefs, convictions and valuesAll the ideas which you think that are true, what you think is important? Why do you do something?

All the ideas which you think that are true, what you think is important? Which convictions and values suit your mission?

Skills, knowledge, potencies, competenciesAll ways of behavior, general skills, strategies, knowledge, that is orienting your behavior. How are you doing these things?

All ways of behavior, general skills, strategies, knowledge, that is orienting your behavior. How are you doing these things?

BehaviorYour specific acts or reactions within your environment. What do you do?

Your specific acts or reactions within your environment.

You may START here as well Undesired specific behavior

Which behavior are you going to perform?


EnvironmentExternal possibilities or limits?Where? When? With whom?

Where? When? With whom?

9. The unconscious and conscious mind

The ten most important functions of the unconscious

1. Stores memories, chronologically and timeless2. Is the domain of emotions


START END

3. Controls the body, has a blueprint of the body4. Maintains and protects the body5. Works as a servant and follows the instructions of the conscious

mind6. Receives information from the senses, filters it and brings these

observations to the consciousness7. Generates habits, automates, routinizes (4 steps learning process)8. Is symbolic, uses (and responds) to symbols / metaphors9. Takes everything personally, this is the base of Perception is

Projection10. Processes no denials


George Armitage MillerIn 1956 publishes-George Armitage Miller "The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two: Some Limits on Our Capacity for Processing Information."

George Armitage Miller (1920 - 2012) was one of the pioneers in the field of cognitive psychology. He has also contributed to the birth of psycholinguistics and cognitive science in general.

Psychologists had the idea that memory consists of a short and long term memory. While it was expected that the short term memory is very limited, the exact boundaries were not known.

In 1956, Miller would quantify its maximum capacity in the paper "The magical number seven, plus or minus two". He tested the short-term memory using commands such as asking a person to a series of figures presented to repeat. He also let people make a judgment about a stimulus and a label, and ask them to recall the label later. Moreover, he measured the attention span by asking them to count quickly things from a collection of more than a few items. For all three methods Miller found that the average limit is seven plus or minus two items.Miller also found that some people remember pieces of information (chunks) by interrelate them with the help of connections between groups, they are able to apply the limit chunks. In Dutch and German these tricks are called donkey bridges. A mnemonic is an example of it.

25. Practice: Read the following series of numbers and cover it after 15 seconds.

7 2 5 1 9 5 6 4 8Now write all the numbers which you do remember in the correct order on a paper. These are the numbers which you have stored in your short term memory. . How many numbers did you write in the correct order? What mnemonics or memory tricks did you use?

Part Two: Read the following series of numbers and cover it after 15 seconds.

2 7 3 5 9 6 1 6 8 4 3 7Now write all the numbers which you do remember in the correct order on a paper. These are the numbers which you have stored in your short term memory. . How many numbers did you write in the correct order? What mnemonics or other ´donkey bridges´ did you use?


7 + 2

4.Unconscious competent

1.Unconscious incompetent

2.Conscious incompetent

3.Conscious competent

Becoming conscious

Exercise

Getting routine

Unlearn: from step 4 to 2 and again to 4Once more learn: from 2 to 4.

10. The 4-Step Learning Process


What is the Four-Step Learning Process?Here is the 'conscious competence' 4-step learning model. The earliest origins are not entirely clear, although the US Gordon Training International organization of has certainly played a major role in defining it and promoting its use. The 4-step learning process explains the process and stages of learning a new skill (or behavior, ability, technique, etc.) It most commonly known as the 4-step learning process or the 'conscious competence learning model', sometimes 'conscious competence ladder' or 'conscious competence matrix', although other descriptions are used, including terminology relating to 'conscious skilled' and 'conscious unskilled' which is preferred by Gordon Training. Occasionally a fifth stage or level is added in more recent adapted versions. Whatever you call it, the 'conscious competence' model is a simple explanation of how we learn, and a useful reminder of the need to train people in stages. The learner or trainee always begins at stage 1 - 'unconscious incompetence', and ends at stage 4 - 'unconscious competence', having passed through stage 2 - 'conscious incompetence' and - 3 'conscious competence'.Teachers and trainers commonly assume trainees to be at stage 2, and focus effort towards achieving stage 3, when often trainees are still at stage 1. The trainer assumes the trainee is aware of the skill existence, nature, relevance, deficiency, and benefit offered from the acquisition of the new skill. Whereas trainees at stage 1 - unconscious incompetence - have none of these things in place, and will not be able to address achieving conscious competence until they've become consciously and fully aware of their own incompetence. This is a fundamental reason for the failure of much training and teaching.If the awareness of skill and deficiency is low or non-existent – i.e., the learner is at the unconscious incompetence stage - the trainee or learner will simply not see the need for learning. It is essential to establish awareness of a weakness or training need (conscious incompetence) prior to attempting to impart or arrange training or skills necessary to move trainees from stage 2 to 3. People only respond to training when they are aware of their own need for it and of the personal benefit they will derive from achieving it. The learning process has often become more difficult than necessary because of the bad feelings people get when they make mistakes in learning. The bad feelings come from judgments like, “not doing it right,” “not good enough,” “can never learn this,” etc. Ironically, not doing it right and making mistakes are vital steps in the learning process. Yet, too often, our attention is directed at trying to avoid the bad feelings, rather than to the learning at hand. Understanding the four stages of learning a skill can help keep the learning process about learning, and not feeling bad about it.

1. Unconscious Incompetence“I don’t know that I don’t know how to do this.” This is the stage of blissful ignorance before learning begins.

2. Conscious Incompetence“I know that I don’t know how to do this, yet.” This is the most difficult stage, where learning begins and where most judgments against the self are formed.

3. Conscious Competence“I know that I know how to do this.” This stage of learning is easier than the second stage, but it is still uncomfortable and self-conscious.

4. Unconscious Competence“What, you say I did something well?” The final stage of learning a skill is when it has become a natural part of us; we don’t have to think about it. Using the example of learning to drive a car, as a child I first thought that all I needed to do was sit behind the wheel and steer and use the pedals. This was the happy stage of unconscious incompetence. When I began learning to drive, I realized there was a whole lot more to it, and I became a little daunted. This was the stage of conscious incompetence. There were so many different things to do and think


about, literally hundreds of new behaviors to learn. In this stage, I made lots of mistakes, along with judgments against myself for not already knowing how to do it. Judgment release is crucial here because mistakes are integral to the learning process. They’re necessary because learning is essentially experimental and experience-based, trial and error. Information can be accumulated, but until it is practiced and used, it’s only information. It’s not learning, and certainly not a skill.

As I practiced, I moved into the third stage of learning conscious competence. This felt a lot better, but still I wasn’t very smooth or fluid in my driving. I often had to think about what to do next, and that felt awkward and uncomfortable.

Finally, after enough practice, I got to the place where I didn’t have to think about every little thing I was doing while driving. I thought about my driving only when something alerted me to it. I became unconsciously competent. Because of the ease and grace in unconscious competence, my driving became much safer.

Some people have the experience that, when they become conscious about something that they don’t know to do, they get the feeling, “how stupid I am!. I will never learn this! This is too difficult for me.”. You can see this at step 2 the feelings about the self are negative. But, if the person still decides to start to learn and train, the feelings get better (step 3). At the end, when they have trained so much that they can do it without thinking about how to do it, the person feels good, and that is step 4.

26. Practice: Learning to give complimentsIt is scientifically proven that people who give themselves and others compliments regularly feel themselves happier and have more success in their lives. The compliment has to be genuine. If you really mean what you say it works the best. It may also be about little things.

Example:If somebody is late: I’m happy you have come.

The exercise part 1: Give yourself several compliments every day! Write them down and read them the next day once more. They are the building stones of your house of self-confidence.The exercise part 2: Give a compliment to several people every day. What is the effect on the other? What does it do to you?Even if you only think the complements, they have a positive effect.


27. Practice: The 4-Step Learning Process

Person A tells B in which sports he/she is good, like skating, skiing or snowboarding, games, telling jokes, music, cooking etc.). Remember also how you learned to handle success, or disappointment, love, walking, cycling, a new language, a professional skill, crossing the street etc.). Person A answers the next questions:Why did you want to learn this?How did you learn it? How much time did you need to learn?How did you feel when you realized for the first time that you did not know to perform it?What was the first thing you could do first and what later?How did you know that you had learned it?What were the four steps? Indicate them and write them down.A and B change roles.

28. Practice: Your most important teachers, Your Masters

Person A tells to B about three people from which he/she learned the most (teachers, masters). A answers the following questions:Which qualities they had which made it possible for you to learn from them?Which context (conditions) they created in order to make it possible for you to learn? How did they motivate you?If it was possible to speak now, at this moment, to your most important teachers, what would you want to let them know?


William Glasser:

“We remember . . .10% of what we read20% of what we hear30% of what we see50% of what we see and hear70% of what we discuss80% of what we experience95% of what we teach others.”

Dailalama:Your enemy is your best teacher

Tell me and I listen,show me and I look,let me experience and I learn.

Lao Tzu (604 BC. - 507 BC).

11. The Four Basic Pre-suppositionsBeliefs and Pre-suppositions are powerful and strong tools of mankind. Pre-suppositions are part of our model of the world. Our world model is that model that we use to handle the stimuli from the outside world. Within the NLP method as we teach it, our starting point consists of four basic Pre-suppositions . It turns out that if we accept these basic pre-suppositions and integrate them in our daily communication, we are able to get results much faster and easier. All of these Pre-suppositions are modeled from people who are able to install powerful and effective changes in their communication behavior.

1. All learning, behavior and change is unconscious

All your learning, all your behavior and all the change is taking place and is warehoused at a level of the unconsciousness. Our unconsciousness accounts for all that about we (at this very moment) are not conscious. Milton Erickson used the power of this mechanism from the unconsciousness many times in his therapy. He relied on the fact that every human being has all the qualities in himself/herself to be successful in his life. And, at the same time, all human qualities are stored in the unconscious mind of the person. Erickson called the place or state where they are stored 'the unconscious'. In other words, all the things of which we are not conscious.

Our unconscious is also able to manage all the physiological processes of the body such as breathing, digestion, heart function, etc.. Everything that we ever learned is somewhere in the unconscious, even if it has escaped from the conscious mind.

Of course, this presupposition is not intended to weaken the importance of conscious learning. If you are learning to drive a car, you are learning to perform many things at the same time. Your conscious mind is working hard to give these to your unconscious mind as soon as possible, so that you will become unconsciously competent.

Metaphor: The screen is your conscious, The computer the unconscious.


All learning, behavior and change is unconscious

Cause Result

Put yourself on the side of the cause and not on the side of the result. think in options.

At which side (C or R) does this man sit? And this women?

I feel powerless because she ….He does it again…

2 On the side of the Cause or the side of the ResultIsaac Newton (1642-1727) is the founder of the Cause – Result model. There is a story that he once lay under an apple tree, then suddenly an apple fell on his head. Maybe every other person would have called this a coincidence. Newton went on thinking about it and asked himself the question: "If I take this incident seriously, what is the cause of the apple falling?" He started to look for the real cause of falling and discovered the law of gravitation.

Taking these laws as a starting point, there is always a cause for every problem, under the condition that we se the problem as the result of something.

The Cause – Result conviction brings us to the insight that, if we want to resolve the problem, the best we can do is to change the cause of the problem. Still more strongly, if we take away the cause of a problem, the entire problem will disappear. In their lives, many people have to move from trying to change the results toward changing the causes. You are the one who decides how to represent the events you experience in your life. You never can put these things outside yourself. If you see how you can influence the cause, you have the key to the powerful feeling of having a grip on your life. The expression ‘go and stand on the side of the cause' is used often in NLP. It is one of the most significant tools to effect change.People who are on the side of the cause are convinced that they have influence on what they create in their lives. They know that, by representing the world as possibilities to resolve problems, they are more successful and happier. They change their way of thinking and are able to see the solutions.As a metaphor, you can see your life as a bus. Put yourself the question: Where do I want to sit? Do I want to sit in the back, where I depend on other people? Or do I want to take the steering wheel and become the driver of my own bus?

29. Practice Cause or Result?What would you chose?What do you focus on? Usually I am more focused on approaching.’

I often want to avoid problems. 1A1B

What do you think of? First I think of the solution of a problem.First I think of the cause of a problem.

2A2B

Against or together? I feel the other is against me and I think ‘they, you and everyone takes 3A


care of him/herself. I think in ‘we and together.’

3B


3. Un-Limiting convictions

Did you ever hear somebody saying ?I can not...I am not able to do this...I am much too fat, small, stupid, young, thin, etc.... I would rather do ever something about it... I will never succeed in ...!I have always bad luck...!

If you were convinced that something will not succeed or at least you are doubting it, how much of your potential energy you will invest?

If you have adjusted your nervous system in this way, you have adjusted your brain to FAILING. And if you really fail, and there is a big chance that this will happen, you are again confirmed in your own conviction. You are again right. You get a new negative experience, which you pile up on the mountain of negative experiences.

Convictions are powerful steering mechanisms of the mind. Convictions are instructors of the brain. The more we learn about human behavior, the more we learn about the extraordinary power which convictions have over our life. The very start of success begins with being conscious that our convictions are our choice. When you believe in success and change, you get the strength to get it. When you believe in failing, there will be a big chance you will experience your ´bad luck´.

30. Practice Unlimiting Beliefsa) Write ten limiting convictions, which you notice sometimes in other people (or yourself). b) Change these limiting convictions into un-limiting or empowering convictions.c) Which un-limiting convictions can you find in the text above?

This is difficult ---- This is not yet so easy


Un-Limiting Convictions (Beliefs)

NegativeWeakeningThought

What do I specific want?(small, close)

Strengthening conviction you eager wanted to have

My new boss will not like me. I want to feel well, independent from my bossI chose how I feel

31. Practice: From a weakening believe to an strengthening conviction.

Have a look at your weakening thoughts and realize what kind of weakening conviction is behind it.

Transform now these weakening conviction in a strengthening conviction.

Realize what you really want.

Chose the side of the cause.

Apply it to something you can do yourself.

Make it positive.

Make it small and close. Change it to something which you really want to believe, but still not believe completely.


Example:

32. Practice: Building up empowering convictions

In two’s.

Step 1 A mentions a strengthening conviction

Example: I’m sweet, I have much love, I’m worthy, I’m allowed to be.

B writes these conviction in the trunk of the schedule above.

Step 2 A mentions supporting experiences in which he or she has already shown this strengthening conviction. B writes them in the table legs. The table, the conviction, is getting stronger and stronger as there becoming more and more examples.

Step 3 A en B changing

Step 4 A and B stimulate each other about what they can do with this strengthening convictions in future.


Example:


4. The central nervous system is not able to store a denial

The word 'not' only exists in language and not in your thoughts. In the process of creating our internal representation, in daily language our thoughts patterns, our human mind is not able to remember any denial. The fact is that it is only possible not to think about something, if you first start to think about it. Examples: “This I should not forget” has a total different impact on our behavior than 'I have to remember this”“Don’t think of a pink elephant” probably just makes you think of a pink elephant. But it is easy to think of a grey elephant and then the pink elephant is out of your mind.I don’t ask you to remember your house number. Don’t think of your last meal. Don’t think of your last basic conviction.What do you really think of?

This is very important to know. Now we can give ourselves and others effective messages or instructions by just saying what we want instead of what we don’t want. This is also important with change. Because this pre-supposition also may be read as: 'focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t want. If people want to change, then it is important that they give all their attention and energy to their goal and not to their problem.

Whatever you think of, the thoughts on which you focus become bigger and bigger.

33. Practice The little elephant

1. Do not think of a pink little elephant

2. What are you thinking of?

3. Do think of a little grey elephant.

4. What is now in your mind?

5. What is the best strategy for not thinking of something?


The central nervous system is not able to store a denial

andpossibly you could do …………still better/differently

I think that you do…… …………..(something positive) well.

I think that you do(something specific) well.

12. The Sandwich Feedback ModelAmbitious professionals often need to be effective managers. With this in mind, a useful approach for providing constructive feedback to staff can be to adopt the sandwich approach.Top slice: Something positive.Filling: Something to improve, to change or develop.Bottom slice: Something else positive.It’s important though to keep in mind your objectives in providing feedback. These probably include:

To motivate the person concerned;To encourage him/her to keep up the good work;To help him/her to close the gap between the present level/standard of their work and the level you (and probably they) want it to achieve;

Thus, on the one hand, we don’t want to demotivate the person by over-emphasizing the filling - the constructive element of the feedback. Equally, though, it’s important that we don’t make the sandwich with big chunks of bread. When someone does that, no one can taste the filling. In the same way, it’s important not to over-stress the positive feedback so that the constructive words get forgotten. In professional firms, most staff want to develop and to progress. They value constructive feedback, so it’s important to be able to provide this in a helpful and motivating way. The sandwich approach can be a useful structure that reduces the prospect of demotivating the person concerned.How do you like constructive feedback to be delivered to you?You know how important good feeling is for the learning process. You are much more open to suggestions, advice and criticism if you are in a neutral or in a more positive mood. That is the essence of the sandwich feedback model. There are many feedback methods which are effective and usable. The sandwich feedback model is such a method which practically every where can be used and turns out to be very effective. To give feedback in this way is very good training in looking at yourself and others in a constructive way.

34. Exercise: Train the sandwich feedbackExercise sandwich feedback when someone in the group gives a presentation.

Sandwich Feedback Model in Diagram


13. Rapport Being on the same wavelengthRapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to.

1 = back in same position2 = eye contact3 = legs and feet in same position4 = arms and hands slightly differentThere are a number of techniques that are supposed to be beneficial in building rapport such as: matching your body language (i.e., posture, gesture, and so forth); maintaining eye contact; and matching breathing rhythm. Some of these techniques are explored in neuro-linguistic programming.A classic if unusual example of rapport can be found in the book about the psychotherapeutic intervention techniques of Milton Erickson. Erickson developed the ability to enter the model of the world of his patients and, from that vantage point (having established rapport), he was able to make extremely effective interventions (to help his patients overcome life problems).In neuro-linguistic programming, Richard Bandler and John Grinder noticed that the family therapist Virginia Satir "matched her predicates (verbs, adverbs, and adjectives) to those used by her clients" They noticed Fritz Perls also did similar things with his clients. In addition Milton Erickson mirrored his clients’ body posture and movements. However, due to his post-polio syndrome, Erickson had limited movement and was not able match his clients posture directly. Instead, he would change his voice and head position in time with the client's movements. Bandler and Grinder stated that once matching was established, the therapist could then 'lead' the client by changing their own state and offering suggestions. It was, thus, a way to improve responsiveness and communication.How do you get into a really deep and good communication? How can you respect and appreciate another person’s model of the world while keeping your own integrity? In education, therapy, counseling, business, selling and training, rapport or empathy is essential to establish an atmosphere of trust, confidence and participation, within which people can respond freely. What do we do to gain rapport with people, how do we create a relationship of trust and responsiveness, and how can we refine and extend this natural skill?

To get a practical, rather than a theoretical answer, turn the question the other way around. How do you know when two people are in rapport? As you look around in restaurants, offices, any place where people meet and talk, how do you know which people have rapport and which do not? Communication seems to flow when two people are in rapport; their bodies as well as their words match each other.

What we say can create or destroy rapport, but that is only 7% of the communication. Body language and tonality are more important. You may have noticed that people who are in rapport tend to mirror


and match each other in posture, gesture and eye contact. It is like a dance, where partners respond and mirror each other's movements with movements of their own. They are engaged in a dance of mutual responsiveness. Their body language is complementary.

Have you ever found yourself enjoying a conversation with somebody and noticing that both your bodies have adopted the same posture? The deeper rapport is, the closer the match tends to be. This skill seems to be inborn, for newborn babies move in rhythm with the voices of the people around them. When people are not in rapport their bodies reflect it -whatever they are saying, their bodies will not match. They are not engaged in the dance and you can see it immediately. Successful people create rapport, and rapport creates trust. You can create rapport with whoever you wish by consciously refining the natural rapport skills that you use every day. By matching body language and tonality you can very quickly gain rapport with almost anyone. Matching eye contact is an obvious rapport skill and usually the only one that is consciously taught in Western culture, which has a strong taboo against noticing body language consciously, and responding to it. Mirroring, defined as exact copying, as I have experienced it, is mostly too mechanical and is contra-productive.

Matching body languageTo create rapport, join the other person's dance by matching his/her body language sensitively and with respect. This builds a bridge between you and their model of the world. Matching is not noticeable. If you exaggerate and indiscriminately copy another person's movements, your conversation partner will usually consider this very offensive. You can match arm movements by small hand movements, body movements by your head movements. This is called 'cross over mirroring.' You can match distribution of the body weight, and basic posture. When people are like each other, they like each other. Matching breathing is a very powerful way of gaining rapport. You may already have observed that when two people are in deep rapport they breathe in unison. These are the basic elements of rapport. But do not believe me. Notice what happens when you mirror others. Then notice what happens when you stop. Notice what people do who are in rapport. Start to be conscious of what you do naturally so you can refine it and choose when to do it.

MismatchNotice especially what happens when you mismatch. Some people mirror and match unconsciously, almost compulsively. Mismatching is a very useful skill. The most elegant way to end a conversation is to disengage from the dance. And you cannot disengage from the dance if you have not been dancing in the first place. The most extreme mismatch, of course, is to turn your back.

Voice matchingVoice matching is another way that you can gain rapport. You can match tonality:

speed;volume;tone height; and rhythm of speech.

This is like joining another person's song or music - you blend in and harmonize. You can use voice matching to gain rapport in a telephone conversation. Then you can also mismatch, changing the speed and tonality of your voice to end the conversation. This is a very useful skill. To close a telephone conversation naturally is sometimes very difficult. Two limitsThere are only two limits to your ability to gain rapport: the degree to which you can perceive other people's postures, gestures and speech patterns, and the skill with which you can match them in the dance of rapport. The relationship will be a harmonious dance with your integrity, what you can do and believe wholeheartedly, and how far you are willing to build a bridge to another person’s model of the world.


Meaning

Rapport

Body Languageand tonality

Words

Rapport

adjust to

matching

eye contact

use the same representation system gebruiken

Notice how you feel when you match; you may well feel uncomfortable matching some people. There is certainly some behavior you will not want to match directly. You would not match a breathing pattern that was much faster than was natural for you, nor would you match an asthmatic's breathing pattern. You could mirror both with small movements of your hand. Swaying your body could subtly mirror a person’s fidgety movements. This is sometimes called cross matching, using some analogous behavior rather than directly matching. If you are prepared to use these skills consciously, you can create rapport with whomever you choose. You do not have to like the other person to create rapport. You are simply building a bridge to understand him/her better. Creating rapport is one choice, and you will not know that it is effective or what results it has unless you try it. So, rapport is the total context round the verbal message. If the meaning of the communication is the response it elicits, gaining rapport is the ability to elicit responses.

Pacing and leading Rapport allows you to build a bridge to the other person: you have some point of understanding and contact. With that established, you can start to change your behavior and the other person is likely to follow. You can lead him/her in another direction. The best teachers are those who establish rapport and enter into the world of the learner and so make it easier for the learner to enter into a greater understanding of their subject or skill. They get on well with their students and the good relationship makes the task easier.

In NLP, this is called pacing and leading. Pacing is establishing the bridge, through rapport and respect. Leading is changing your behavior so that the other person follows. Leading will not work without rapport. You cannot lead someone over a bridge without building it first. When I told my friend I was writing a book on Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I was not pacing him, so I could not lead him into an explanation of what I was writing about. Keeping your own behavior constant and expecting other people to understand and pace you is one choice. Sometimes it will yield good results and sometimes it will not. By keeping your own behavior constant, you will get all sorts of different results and not all will be welcome. If you are prepared to change your behavior to suit your outcome, you are bound to have more success. We pace all the time, to fit into different social situations, to put others at ease, and to feel at ease ourselves. We pace in different cultures by respecting foreign customs. If you want to enter a high-class hotel, you wear a tie. You do not swear in front of the vicar. You go to an interview in suitable clothes if you are serious about wanting the job.


Pacing is a general rapport skill we use when discussing common interests, friends, work or hobbies. We pace emotions. When a loved one is sad, we use a sympathetic tone and manner, not a hearty shout of 'Cheer up!' This would probably make him/her feel worse. You mean well, that is, you have a positive intention, but it does not work. A better choice would be first to mirror and match posture and use a gentle tonality that matches how s/he feels. Then gradually change and adjust to a more positive and resourceful posture. If the bridge is built, the other person will follow your lead. S/he will perceive unconsciously that you have respected his/her state, and will be willing to follow if that is the way s/he wants to go. This sort of emotional pacing and leading is a powerful tool in counseling and therapy.

With an angry person, match his/her anger a little below his/her level. If you go too far, there is a danger of escalation. Once you have matched, you can start to lead him/her down gradually into a calmer state by toning down your own behavior. A sense of urgency can be paced and matched by voice tonality, speaking a little louder and quicker than usual.

You gain rapport by appreciating what people say. You do not have to agree with it. One very good way to do this is to eliminate the word 'but' from your vocabulary. Replace it with 'and'. 'But' can be a destructive word, it implies you have heard what is said ...but ... have some objections that discount it. 'And' is innocent. It simply adds to and expands what has been said already. Words have great power in themselves. You might consider making this change. But it could be difficult. But you will probably find it is worth it. And you will get more rapport.

People who share the same culture will tend to have common values and a common world view. Common interests, work, friends, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and political persuasion will create some rapport. We get on naturally with people that share our basic values and beliefs. Pacing and leading is a basic idea in NLP. It takes in rapport, and respect for the other person's model of the world. It assumes a positive intention, and is a powerful way of moving towards agreement or a shared outcome. In order to pace and lead successfully, you need to pay attention to the other person and be flexible enough in your own behavior to respond to what you see and hear. NLP is the martial art of communication: graceful, enjoyable and very effective.

35. Practice: The power of the ‘YES, BUT’ word: Resistance is a sign of lack of rapportBe aware that if you are making a comment to someone, s/he may only notice part of what you say. Consider the following example: The company has returned $5 million profit this financial year, but we're closing the San Francisco operation.' lf you say it like this, people may only remember what you said after the ‘but’ word. Now consider the following: .The company has returned $5 million profit this financial year, and we're closing the San Francisco operation.' If you say it like this, people remember what you said before and after the word ’and’.

Find out just how much little words make a difference in your daily communication with the Yes, but ...' game for three or more players.

1. Person A begins round one offering ‘a good idea'. (For example, “it's a sunny day, how about if we take the afternoon off and head out to the beach?”)

2. Person B replies, “Yes, but ...”, and offers his/her own good idea. 3. Person C and all other team members offer their ideas in turn, always starting with “Yes, but ...”. 4. Round two continues with Person A offering a good idea. 5. Person B replies, “Yes, AND ...”, and offers her/his own 'good idea'. 6. Person C and all other team members offer their ideas

in turn, always starting with “Yes, AND ...”.Notice the difference?

36. Practice: Mismatching and making rapport

Person A tells a story which is important to him/her to person


A

B

Pacing

Leading

B.Person B is avoiding eye contact, contrasting body language etc. Both write down how this feels.Person A tells another story. Person B is makes as much rapport as possible.Both write down how they are feeling.Rapport. Has nothing to do with the paper with which you came home from school with good or less good marks. You pronounce it a the French word rapport ('rapor').

Pre-Supposition 15: Everything Is Directed At Your Becoming At One and Complete With Yourself Again

Pacing and Leading,

37. Practice: Pacing and LeadingPlay a role game. A is the client, B wants to sell something. A enters the shop, B starts by purely following and then tries to lead. 5 min each

Rapport with YourselfAre you aware of your feelings and do you accept them fully? Are you in harmony with yourself? Do you know your deepest fears? Do you have an intense relationship with your own unconscious emotions? Are you aware how you communicate with yourself? Then you are able to be in rapport with yourself.


With rapport everything is possible

It is a kind of art to get in contact with your unconscious mind. Give yourself permission to lead and try not to force it.

Smile to yourself and breathe quietly, enjoy that you are alive.

If you make progress in this art you are also able to make a good rapport with your partner in communication.

38. Practice: RapportMake consciously rapport with someone in your environment, without wanting to give a message of yourself, just follow.

Make contact with all your neurological levels, be congruent


14. Representation systems Our senses are the doorways of our perception. All we know of the world we know through our senses. We have five main sensory modalities, or representation systems. Our inner subjective experience is structured in terms of these senses. When we think, or process information internally, we "re-present" the information in terms of the sensory systems that are our only contact with the "outside world".

Part of the language we use comes from one of these main systems. These sensory based words are called predicates. Use of rich sensory based language enables you to ensure that you are including all your listeners, regardless of their primary sensory system, in full communication. It enables you to create a sensory rich description to which everyone can relate more effectively. If you are to gain commitment to an idea, then the more richly it is described the more effectively it will be communicated.

Visual Auditory-tonal

Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory Auditory Digital

look say touch scent flavor think picture accent move stink sweet arrangebright question pressure whiff appetite perceiveoutlook click handle reek sour recognizefocus rhythm loose fishy feed knowvision language insensitive air juicy understandperspective speech rough nostril spicy remembercolorful speak feel explain

39. Practice: Develop your weakest representation systemSay one or a few sentences in the representation system which you have less developed.

Representational systems (also known as sensory modalities and abbreviated to VAKOG ) is a Neuro-linguistic programming model that examines how the human mind processes information. It states that for practical purposes, information is (or can be treated as if) processed through the senses. Thus people say one talks to oneself (the auditory sense) even if no words are emitted, one makes pictures in one's head when thinking or dreaming (the visual sense), and one considers feelings in the body and emotions (known as the kinesthetic sense).

NLP holds it as crucial in human cognitive processing to recognize that the subjective character of experience is strongly tied into, and influenced by, how memories and perceptions are processed within each sense, in the mind. It considers that expressions such as "It's all misty" or "I can't get a grip on it", can often be precise literal unconscious descriptions from within those sensory systems, communicating unconsciously where the mind perceives a problem in handling some mental event.

Within NLP, the various senses in their role as information processors, are known as representation systems, or sensory modalities. The model itself is known as the VAKOG model (from the initial letters of the sensory-specific modalities: visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, gustatory). Since taste and smell are so closely connected, sometimes as a 4-tuple, meaning its 4 way sensory-based description. A submodality is a structural element of a sensory impression, such as its perceived location, distance, size, or other quality.


V Visual seeing A Auditory hearing K Kinesthetic feeling O Olfactory smelling G Gustatory tasting

Representational systems and submodalities are seen in NLP as offering a valuable therapeutic insight (or metaphor) and potential working methods, into how the human mind internally organizes and subjectively attaches meaning to events.

Overv

iew of representational systemsAccording to NLP, for many practical purposes mental processing of events and memories can be treated as if performed by the five senses. For example, Einstein credited his discovery of special relativity to a mental visualization strategy of "sitting on the end of a ray of light", and many people as part of decision-making talk to themselves in their heads.

The manner in which this is done, and the effectiveness of the mental strategy employed, is stated by NLP to play a critical part in the way mental processing takes place. This observation led to the concept of a preferred representational system, the classification of people into fixed visual, auditory or kinesthetic stereotypes. This idea was later discredited and dropped within NLP by the early 1980s, in favor of the understanding that most people use all of their senses (whether consciously or unconsciously), and that whilst one system may seem to dominate, this is often contextualized - globally there is a balance that dynamically varies according to circumstance and mood.NLP asserts that for most circumstances and most people, three of the five sensory based modes that seem to dominate in mental processing:visual thoughts - sight, mental imagery, spatial awarenessauditory (or linguistic) thoughts - sound, speech, dialog, white noisekinesthetic (or proprioceptive = muscle tension sense) sense - somatic feelings in the body, temperature, pressure, and also emotion.The other two senses, gustatory (taste) and olfactory (smell), which are closely associated, often seem to be less significant in general mental processing, and are often considered jointly as one.For this reason, one often sees the expression VAK in NLP reference texts, to signify these three primary representational systems, as well as the expression VAKOG if the author wishes to include all senses including taste/smell. The same term is also known as First Access (John Grinder)[2], or primary experience (Freud).

40. Practice Representation systems preference testPut before each of the following sentences a number 1, 2, 3, or 4.Use the indicated system, to show your preference:

4 Is most close to a description of your own.3 The next best description2 The description next best1 The less suited description

1. I take important decisions at the base from:___ intuitive feelings___ what sounds best___ what looks the best for me___ exact research and study of the subject


At the core of NLP is the belief that, when people are engaged in activities, they are also are making use of a representational system; that is, they are using some internal representation of the materials they are involved with, such as a conversation, a rifle shot, a spelling task. These representations can be visual, auditory, kinesthetic, or might involve other senses. In addition, a person may create an image or recalling one. For example, a person who is asked to spell a word may visualize that word printed on a piece of paper, or may hear it the sounds of the word, or may construct the spelling from the application of a series of logical rules.

2. During a discussion I’m probably mostly influenced by:___the tone of somebody’s voice___if I can see his reasoning or not___the logic of his argumentation___if I can understand his real feelings or not

3. I communicate my feelings and thoughts the best by:___the way in which I dress myself and how I look___the feelings which I share with others___the words that I chose___the tone of my voice

4. The things I’m doing most easily are:___the ideal volume of sounds, to find the best fine tuning on a stereo-installation___from the intellectual point of view to select the most relevant point in connection with an interesting subject___to select the most comfortable furniture___to chose rich, attractive color combinations

5. ___I am very sensitive for sounds in my environment___I am very good in fast understanding from new facts and data___I am very sensitive to the way in which new clothing suits me___I am reacting strongly to colors and how a new room looks like

Scoring of your preference representation systemStep oneCopy your answers from the test in the table at the side:

Step twoAdd the numbers, which belong to every letter.For every letter we fill in 5 numbers in the table at the side.

V A K Ad 1 2 3 4 5Total V: A: K: Ad:

Step threeBy comparing the total scores you get the proportionately for each of the four representation systems.

Step four. Put these numbers in the diagram below and connect the points with a big marker.

Step five Every result is correct! Which representation system is the strongest with you? Compare your


1 2 3 4 5 ___ K ___A ___V ___A ___A

___ A ___V ___K ___Ad ___Ad

___ V ___Ad ___A ___K ___K

___ Ad ___K ___Ad ___V ___V

‘kite’ with the ‘kite’ from the others. Value the differences.


5 10 15 20

V

At

K Ad

-20

-15

-10

- 5

- 0

- 5

-10

- 15

- 20

20 15 10 5

The three houses

1. One house is located on a quiet street with the rustle of the leaves of the trees. Almost any time of day you can hear the birds melodious singing. It has a storybook interior that speaks so eloquently that, it's hard not to ask yourself how anyone could not be silent within. Around the time the sound of the trees are turning in silent, you hear your own footsteps out in the garden just to listen to the birds, the breeze rustling through the branches, and the sound of the wind knocks like a carillon on the front porch. (At)

2. Another house is amazingly picturesque as you see at once from the silver-green trees from the light street. You get the impression if a famous painting just looking at it. It's visually stunning, from the long white porch out front to the beautifully detailed wainscoting on the peach- collared walls. There are windows everywhere, so it has beautiful light at almost any time of the day. There's so much to look at, from its winding light-brown stairways to its elegant carved oak doors. You could spend a day just gazing at every corner, finding out what new things there are to see.

3. The third house is harder to describe. You have to go and experience it yourself; you just have to feel it. It’s construction is solid and reassuring. It’s rooms have a distinctive warmth. In a totally indefinable way, it touches something very fundamental in you. It's almost nurturing. You feel like sitting in a corner and soaking up whatever vapors are making you feel so serene.

In all three cases, I'm talking about the same house. The first is from an auditory , the second from a visual, and the third from a kinesthetic point of view. If you were showing the house to a group of people, to fully bring alive its richness, you would tap into all three modes. Each person's main representational system will determine which of the three descriptions sounds most enticing. But remember, people use all three. The most elegant way to communicate is to tap them all, while focusing on the system the other person uses most.

41. Practice Predicates Begin to make a list of visual, auditory , and kinesthetic words. For the next several days, listen to the people you are talking with and determine what kind of words they use most. Then speak to them using the same kind of words. What happens? Then speak for a while using a different representational system. What happens this time?

Based on Your Unlimited Power, Anthony Robbins page 239


42. Practice Predicates 2Indicate with V = visual, At = Auditive tonal, K = Kinesthetic, Ad = Auditive digital

1. I see your point.2. I want you to get a grasp on this.3. It appears rather clear to me.4. I ask myself.5. I saw a twinkling in your eyes.6. Are you able to get a handle on this?7. I understand you. 8. That doesn't really ring a bell.9. I want you to take a look at this.10.What it boils down to is that what you're doing doesn't feel right to me.11.I hear what you are saying.12.Life feels warm and wonderful.13.I think that you will understand me.14.Am I painting a clear picture?15.That information is as solid as a rock.16.I evaluate this as soon as it is analyzed.17.I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is true.18.That does not resonate with me at all.19.Life is in perfect harmony ."20.I am not sure I'm following you.21.I'm conscious about my reflections.22.You have a colourful future.23.That is pretty hazy to me.24.Does what I am saying sound right to you? "25.That information is accurate word for word.26.I feel that I am in touch with what you're saying.27.I take a dim view of your perspective.28.I want to make this loud and clear.29.My mental image of life is sparkling and crystal clear.30.If you could only take a look at my perspective.


Some Predicates:

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory look say touch scent flavourpicture accent move stink sweetbright question pressure whiff appetiteoutlook click handle reek sourfocus rhythm loose fishy feedvision language insensitive air juicyperspective speech rough nostril spicyVISUALI see your point.I want you to take a look at this.Am I painting a clear picture?I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is true.That is pretty hazy to me.I take a dim view of your perspective.My mental image of life is sparkling and crystal clear.My future is colorful.

AUDITORYI hear what y ou are saying.I want to make this loud and clear .Does what I am saying sound right to you?That information sounds accurate word for word.That doesn't really ring a bell.That does not resonate with me at all.Life is in perfect harmony.

KINESTHETICI feel that I am in touch with what you're saying.I want you to get a grasp on this.Are you able to get a handle on this?That information is as solid as a rock.I am not sure I'm following you.What it boils down to is that what you're doing?It doesn't feel right to me.Life feels warm and wonderful.


Representation system typology

V: VisualPeople who are visually inclined, often sit with their heads and / or body and with their eyes upward. They breath from the top of their lungs, often sitting forward in their seats. Generally they are well-organized people who lead a regular life. They remember seeing the images and are less distracted by noise.Many find it not easy to remember verbal directions because their minds tend to wander. Visually oriented people will be interested in how things look like . Appearance is important to them. They are often lean and sometimes very thick.

A: AuditivePeople who are auditory set, move their eyes to the side. They breath from the middle of the chest. A characteristic feature is that they are talking to themselves and they are easily distracted by noise (some even move their lips when they talk internally). They can easily repeat your words, learn by listening. They love music and talking on the phone. They remember by using steps, procedures and sequences. Auditory set people like to listen to what you have to say, responding to a particular tone of voice or phrase. They will be interested in what you have to say.

K: KinestheticA characteristic of people who are kinaesthetic set is that they breath from the bottom of their lungs. So you can see their stomach moving, when they are breathing. They often move slowly. They may speak slowly and with a low tune. They are prone to physical rewards such as pats on their shoulders, a firm handshake, etc. They are standing close to people, touch the other person. They remember things by doing something. Or sometimes they learn easier by walking through, taking steps. They will be interested when something feels right.

Ad: Auditive digitalThis is a secondary representation system, that means it develops later by going to school and by studying. These people talk pretty much to themselves. They remember things by following procedures, sequences and steps. They want to know if your program makes any sense. They love ANALYZING the worlds around them. Thinking in themselves and becoming conscious about something are important for them. They exhibit many features of other systems.


15. AnchoringDefinitionAnchor: Any stimulus that is associated with a specific response. Anchors happen naturally, and they can also be set up intentionally, for example, ringing a bell to get people's attention, or more subtly, standing in a particular place when answering questions. Anchoring: The process of associating an internal response with some external trigger (similar to classical conditioning) so that the response may be quickly, and sometimes covertly, re-accessed. Anchoring can be visual (as with specific hand gestures), auditory (by using specific words and voice tone), and kinesthetic (as when touching an arm or laying a hand on someone's shoulder.)

When somebody who is in a powerful emotional state receives a specific stimulus at the very moment of the most intense feelings of these experiences, both the stimulus and the powerful state will be neurally linked with each other.

You can create a powerful state by anchoring. You set your anchor by using the energy of a valuable, powerful experience in the past. You can think for example about getting your driver’s license, or any other positive experience. You can fire this anchor at the moment you want to do something which you are afraid of like speaking in public, or going for examination.

The four steps to anchoring

1. Remember a vivid positive experience from the past with one valuable resource as: Motivation; humor / laughing; energy; love; power; self confidence.

2. Step in the circle of excellence at the highest point (see graphic below). Repeat this several times.Change your state (break state).

3. Repeat with the same or different resources with different memories.4. Set the anchor in action to perform the test.


intensity

start end

Anchoring

time

feelings

To set an anchor

The keys to anchoring

The make anchors working properly, they have to meet four criteria. We call these the keys to anchoring:

1. The intensity of the experience - must be totally associated; see, hear, feel it as it was;2. The timing of the anchor (see graphic above); 3. Repeating of the stimulus (the incentive must be able to be repeated).4. Third unique characteristic of stimulants (do not take the inside of your hands, take a touch wrist

or step into the circle)Repeat mode stimulus (stimulus must be able to repeat)

Anchoring is the process by which memory recall, state change or other responses become associated with (anchored to) some stimulus in such a way that perception of the stimulus (the anchor) leads to the anchored response by reflex. The stimulus may be quite neutral or even out of conscious awareness, and the response may be either positive or negative. They are capable of being formed and reinforced by repeated stimuli, and thus are analogous to classical conditioning.

MechanismBasic anchoring involves, in essence, the elicitation of a strong congruent experience of a desired state, whilst using some notable stimulus (touch, word, sight) at the time that this is most fully realized. In many cases, repetition of the stimulus will re-associate and restore the experience of the state.There are refinements and sophistications in setting anchors this way, and subtleties involved in order to both set them with precision, and to avoid accidentally neutralizing them in the process of setting them up.Types of anchor


Anchors (the "trigger", or stimulus) can come in an infinitude of possible forms: verbal phrases; physical touches or sensations; certain sights and sounds; or internally, such as words one says to oneself, or memories and states that one is in. An expansive view is that almost everything one perceives acts as an anchor, in the sense that perceiving it tends to trigger reflexively some thought or feeling or response.Anchoring is a natural process that usually occurs without our awareness, and may have a positive impact, or may be maladaptive. For example, a voice tonality that resembles the characteristics of one's perception of an "angry voice" may not actually be the result of anger, but will usually trigger an emotional response in the person perceiving the tonality to have the traits of anger.

CriteriaThere are certain speculations as to which criteria must be met before an Anchor can be properly formed. Most agree that the trigger must be:

Specific - otherwise the subject will not begin to sensitize to it;

Intermittent - if it were constant then desensitization would eventually occur;

Anchored to a unique, specific and prompt reaction - otherwise the anchor will fail to elicit and reinforce any one single response due to many different reactions being associated to the trigger.A rose can be an anchor of love

It is also important that reinforcement of an anchor (in other words, repeated formation with the aim of reinforcement) should have a "break" between each repeat, since the neurological 'lesson' is quite capable of working either way, and only one way is desired. This is an example of where precision and structure may create a difference between success and failure.

ExamplesIf, when young, you participated in family activities that gave you great pleasure, the pleasure was associated with the activity itself, so that when you think of the activity or are reminded of it you tend to re-experience some pleasurable feeling.Flicking through an old family photo album stirs pleasant memories and some of the feelings associated with them.A child's comforter in an unfamiliar situation, a cuddle bear.An old love song re-awakens a romantic mood.The smell of freshly baked apple pies brings back memories of a happy carefree childhood.Phobias in this sense can be studied as one example of very powerful anchor - see spider, feel terrified and nauseous.Revisiting an old school or a place with powerful memories.

ResearchAn unusual use of anchoring was studied by Ellen Langer in her study at Harvard University of two groups of 75-80 year old men. For 5 days, both groups were isolated at a retreat, with one group engaged in a series of tasks encouraging them to think about the past in general (to write an autobiography, to discuss the past etc), and the other group engaged in a series of tasks which anchored them back into a specific past time - they wrote an autobiography up to 1959, describing that time as "now", watched 1959 movies, had 1959 music playing on the "radios", and lived only with 1959 artifacts. Before and after the 5 days, both groups were studied on a number of criteria associated with aging. While the first group stayed constant or actually deteriorated on these criteria, the second group dramatically improved on physical health measures such as joint flexibility, vision, and muscle breadth,


a rose can be an anchor of love

as well as on IQ tests. They were anchored back physically to being 50 years old by the sights and sounds of 1959. (Langer, "Mindfulness", Addison Wesley 1989)

UsageNLP-style anchoring is a process that goes on around and within us all the time, whether we are aware of it or not. Most of the time we are not consciously aware of why we feel as we do – indeed, we may not realize that we have responded in some cases, which makes it a much more powerful force in our lives. Anchoring is used in NLP to facilitate state management. In this sense, an anchor is set up to be triggered by a consciously chosen stimulus, deliberately linked by practice to a known useful state, to provide reflexive access to that state at will. This can be touching of a knuckle, or making a fist, or stepping into an imaginary circle. This may be used for exam nerves, overcoming fear, feelings such as happiness or determination, or to recollect how one will feel if a good resolution is kept.

Anchoring in FilmsAnchoring is also used by skilful film makers to evoke suspense in the audience. Think of your own psychological changes that occurred when you heard the soundtrack’s amplified, pounding heartbeat rhythm in the moments leading up to each of the appearances of the huge killer shark in the movie ‘Jaws.’ What anchor was established in you by the crescendo of the sound of the music meeting the shark? Did your heartbeat increase? Did your palms begin to sweat? Did you have to see the shark, or was the thumping music enough to start your slide to the edge of your seat? The finale of classical symphonies, or "mood music" such as romantic, climactic, or apprehensive in films is similar. Leitmotivs – recurring themes in music and literature – also serve to re-stimulate a previously established response.

Anchoring and traumasFor trauma victims, sudden noises or movement can serve as terrifying anchors capable of recollecting the traumatic experience. In this case, amongst other approaches, NLP might be used in a slightly different way - to desensitize the stimulus and perhaps instead also to sensitize it to some more neutral or positive feeling.

43. Practice: Circle of Excellence: NLP Process of Self-Anchoring

Choose pairs look for somebody whom you don’t know. 15 minutes each.

Maybe you think it is impossible to create a circle of happiness from one A4 for yourself in which you can step into and where you will get the feeling of happiness easily?

To cut this circle of an A4, look to the figure below:The Circle of Happiness is method based on the Circle of excellence originally developed by Dr. John Grinder co-creator of NLP. The Circle of Happiness can be used to recall, create and stabilize desired states. It is a so called anchoring technique.

The four keys of anchoring are the following:

Experience the intensity by going into the experience of the event of happiness as deeply as possible. See what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt, smell what you smelt etc. It may be useful to close your eyes.The timing is important. If you feel the feeling of happiness is getting stronger, step into the circle. At the highest point, before the feeling is fading, you step out in order not to anchor the decrease of the feeling.Repeat the anchoring several times with different happy events.


MOTIVATION

HUMOUR / LAUGHING

ENERGY

LOVE

POWER

SELFCONFEDENCE

Let the circle you made be specific for this aim. Later on, you can fire your anchor just by thinking of the circle.

The Circle of Excellence is a basic self-anchoring process originally developed by Dr. John Grinder, co-creator of NLP. The Circle of Excellence can be used to elicit, create and stabilize desired states.

1. Identify the external triggers for an un-resourceful state. These could be visual, auditory, tactile, smell or taste stimuli.

2. Build a powerful resource state using the circle of excellence technique. To create a circle of excellence, draw an imaginary circle on the floor or mark a circle in chalk large enough to step into.

3. Remember experiences in which you felt powerful, creative, composed, or any resourceful state where you felt balanced and centered.

4. Step into the circle only as quickly or slowly as you remember and re-access the resourceful state through your inner senses. See what you saw through your own eyes within the actual experience, hear the sounds and language used, and get in touch with your posture, breathing and emotions when inside the desirable resource memory. Note that an observer would see changes in your physiology such as better posture, deeper breathing, and skin color changes. If there is no noticeable change in your physiology, the resource state is either poorly accessed or low intensity. If it is low intensity, choose another resource state that is more powerful.5. Repeat step 4 with an additional resource state, continuing to add resource states, one at a time. When you have enough resources, you step automatically into a very powerful state on entering the circle, which is truly now a circle of excellence.

6. Check. Recall a trigger for the un-resourceful state as you step into the circle of excellence. Repeat the process with each old trigger. Or, ask your partner to play role the various triggers (gestures, words, voice tones etc) as you step into the circle of excellence.

44. Practice: Stapled Anchor Bring yourself in rapport with your co-worker.

Make clear how the exercise will go (see the steps).

Take care that you yourself are going first in the desired state!

Anchor the following different powerful states with the same stimulus, at the same place (for example the knuckle or the circle)! .

To the worker “Remember a moment in your life in which you were very motivated”; “in which you felt deep humor” “in which you had to laugh loudly”, “in which you felt full of energy”; “in which you felt full of love”.


Circle of Excellence

“Step completely into the moment, revive the moment as it was the first time, look through your own eyes, see what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt". Be associated.

Test the anchor after the first state. "Close your eyes if you want and notice what happens "

Fire the anchor and feel what the change in your state is.

Between the different steps: Break state/White screen

TEST:

Locate yourself to a moment in future when you may need this anchor,

Give the stimulus, Step in the circle, see what you see, hear what you hear, ...(etc.) " Fire the anchor ...

The circle of excellence in Zagreb


Situation A: You are entirely in the 1st position (the “ I” position).You are angry, sad, afraid, etc. you see just your own emotion, there is nothing else.

Situation B: You are able to look above your emotion, your are able to switch from the 1st position (the “ I” position), to the 2nd (the You position) and 3rd position (the helicopter view).You are not your anger, sadness, fear, etc. you see your own emotion, and a lot of other things, you overlook the situation.

TimeDischargeSpeaking TherapyPrayingReframingetc.

16. In the box Out the box


Inte

nsity

from

the

emot

ion

17. 17.

LanguageThe Power of LanguageOne of the pre-suppositions of NLP is that the map is not the territory. As human beings, we don’t experience the world directly, but rather through the maps and models of reality that we have created in our nervous systems. This is why the ‘L’ in NLP is so powerful and important. The language a person uses is a reflection of his/her maps and models of reality, and reveals aspects of those maps and models of which the person her/himself is not aware. When the models change, the experience of reality changes. Language is a lever for changing those models, and thus for changing a person’s reality. Please read that again: The language a person uses is a reflection of his/her maps and models of reality, and reveals aspects of those maps and models of which the person her/himself is not aware. When the models change, the experience of reality changes. Language is a lever for changing those models, and thus for changing a person’s reality.

You can use language to change your (or someone else’s) reality. This fact makes language one of the most powerful tools for coaching yourself and others. The full NLP linguistic set is often under-taught, and yet is one of the most powerful toolsets there is for making change possible (I’ve heard Richard Bandler say that the NLP linguistic tool ‘The Meta Model’ is the starting point for everything he’s discovered in the field of NLP).

45. Practice Necessity or Possibility: 1) Think of something you want (for example, I want a new car/a new job/to learn French, etc). Say it out loud, and notice how you feel. Then say it in the following ways, paying attention to your internal experience each time:- I should… (for example, I should get a new car)- I ought to… (for example, I ought to get a new car)- I’ve got to… (for example, I’ve got to get a new car)- I have to… (for example, I have to get a new car)- I must… (for example, I must get a new car)

How was your experience different as you said it in these different ways? Did any one way make it seem more likely to happen, or seem more possible? 2) This time, express the same desires, but starting the sentences in the following ways. Again, pay attention to your internal experience each time:- I’d like to… (for example, I’d like to get a new car)- I might… (for example, I might get a new car)- I may… (for example, I may get a new car)- I could… (for example, I could get a new car)


- I will… (for example, I will get a new car)

How was your experience different as you said it in these ways? Did you find one way of saying it that felt better than the others? Many people find that the words from the second list (which relate to possibility) are more motivational than the words from the first list (which relate to necessity). If you found one way of saying it which made you feel more likely to do the things that will move you towards what you want, I’d like to ask you a question. What happens when you imagine using this way of saying it for everything you desire in your life? It’s just a thought.


‘Difficult’ or ‘Not yet so easy’If you say to yourself or anybody else ‘This is difficult’ then your unconscious takes this literally and will make very few effort to try again. It makes it as if you had said: “This is too difficult”If you say to yourself this is ‘not yet so easy’ than it says that it will become easy after a while of trying and making some effort. The central nervous system can not store a denial as you know. Often it is like that. Remember the dip in step 2 from the 4-step learning process.

Yes, but or…Yes, and……

One powerful aspect of NLP is to discover what kind of internal experience is elicited by the use of specific language. This enables us to use language in a very directed way in order to get the results that we want. Often, the careful examination of a single word yields great dividends, and the word "but" is certainly one of them.

"But" is a negation (Fritz Perls used to call it a "killer") of whatever experience immediately precedes the word. For me, the image preceding the word "but" quickly slides to my left, disappearing out of my field of internal vision. So "but" is very useful any time you want to (or have to) mention something to someone, but then you want it to diminish in importance or even disappear from their awareness altogether.

Notice what happens in your internal experience when you take any two contents, connect them with "but," and then repeat this, but reversing the two contents. A tired old joke illustrates this nicely. The mother says to the daughter: "I know he's ugly, but he's rich." and the daughter replies, "Mother, you are so right. I know he's rich, but he's ugly."

So the other side of the coin is to be able to use "but" to defend yourself against a communication that asks you to ignore something that is important to you.

When people are cautious or wary, they often tend to respond defensively, and may oppose whatever someone else says, and find problems with it, no matter how sensible the suggestion might be. In such a situation, often the other person will reply, "Yes, but . . ." (negating the "Yes" agreement) and then respond with an opposite opinion. "Yes, I can see that, but there is a problem with it." Once someone is focused on a problem, it is easy to get "tunnel vision" and forget that the reason for studying a problem is to find a way to make the suggestion work. Many people then become frustrated because they are stuck with discussing a problem, and don't know how to get the conversation back to the suggestion that they want the other person to consider.

One alternative is to repeat what the person just said, but replacing the word "but" with "and." "OK, you can see that, and there is a problem with it." This keeps both of the representations (the suggestion and the problem) connected together in the person's awareness, and the problem can be considered in the context of the possible advantages of the suggestion.

46. Practice Yes, but.......:A tries to convince B of his/her opinion about something. B says always: "Yes, but......"Write your feelings.Take turns


More general

Mor

e sp

ecifi

c

More examples at the same level

18. Hierarchy of Language


ChunkingHave you ever:Been stuck in a negotiation or argument and not been able to find common areas of agreement? Needed to quickly and easily think laterally? Felt overwhelmed with an activity? Wanted to get something done, but did not feel excited about it? Chunking can help you get past these obstacles.

What is Chunking?In NLP, ‘chunking up’ refers to moving to more general or abstract pieces of information. While ‘chunking down’ means moving to more specific or detailed information.To chunk up on a piece of information, use one or more of the following questions:What is this an example of? What is this a part of? What is the intention? For what purpose? To illustrate the concept, let us begin with a library building. Examples of chunking up from library building would be:Buildings (a library building is an example of buildings), or A city block (the library building forms part of a city block), or A city’s library system, or Providing a means for people to undertake research. If we follow the path of a city block, we can then chunk up to a city, then to a province or state, then to a country, etc.

To chunk down, use one or more of the following questions:What is an example of this? What is a component/part of this? What/who/where specifically? Examples of chunking down or being more specific on library building are:A library building in the City of Ottawa, or A library building built in the 1950’s, or The third floor of the library building, or A specific window in the library building, or A row of books in the library building.

If we follow the path of a row of books, we can continue chunking down (getting more specific) to NLP books, then books written by John Grinder, then a particular chapter, etc.This simple concept has many varied and useful applications.

How and When Can You Use Chunking?Meta Model and Milton Model. The Meta Model is an example of chunking down (who, what, where specifically) -- you ask your client questions to get more specific details. The Milton Model, which uses vague or abstract language, is an example of chunking up. Negotiation and Mediation. Chunking up and down is a very useful tool in negotiations or mediation. Far too often in negotiations, we continue to explore solutions at a level of thought at which we do not agree. The key is to chunk up until you and the other person agree and then to chunk back down to the details only as fast as you both maintain agreement. Often in negotiation, we assume that the other person wants what we want and this may not be the case. Thinking Laterally. We are often encouraged to think laterally. This is not always easy to do. It is if we use chunking. To think laterally, first chunk up, then chunk down. Example, suppose you have to take a package to a particular destination and you do not wish to use your car. To identify alternatives, first chunk up, i.e. what is driving your car an example of? One possible chunk up is a mode of transportation. Now chunking down, you can easy identify many different modes of transportation


Once upon a time

B points with thumb up (chunking up) or down (chunking) or sideway (lateral chunking)C listens and guesses what A does A tells and changes the story in more or less abstract or with examples at the same level

A AC

which are on the same logical level as car i.e., bicycle, horse, train, airplane, walking, etc. And you can select the mode that meets your other needs. Creating a Passion for Your Outcome. By chunking up and down, you can size your outcomes so that they are do-able and you have excitement, motivation and passion for achieving them. Overcoming Disinterest. Why do we get bored? Often because what we are doing does not excite us. We are mired in the details. If you have an outcome and you are not excited about it, ask yourself the question, “This outcome for what purpose?”, i.e. chunk up. Get a bigger perspective or the big picture. Having an outcome and not knowing the larger purpose can be demotivating. Addressing Overwhelm. Sometimes we may feel overwhelmed. This can happen if the chunk size is too large. Here we need to chunk down and be more specific or focus more on the details or be more realistic. After all, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! If you feel overwhelmed or do not know where to start when you think of your outcome; chunk down to be more specific and identify manageable tasks.

47. Practice: Chunking1. Chunking is of great importance in any conversation. Mostly, you do it unconsciously:2. Chunking up makes a deep rapport possible at a higher neurological level.3. Chunking down makes it possible to talk about very concrete things, so that both know exactly what the meaning is.4. Chunking laterally can promote a feeling of “I am not the only one who has this”.

In groups of three persons A B C

A tells a story for example about his/her holidays, B gives instructions to chunk up, down or laterally, giving a new instruction only after A has said several sentences and C has guessed correctly.A reacts to B by speaking more abstractly or concretely or giving more examples at the same levelC guesses if A is chunking up or down or laterallyAbout 5 minutes per person. Goal: exercise in chunking



dow

n ch

unki

ng

SPECIFIC

CLASS

VW, BMW, OPEL

GOLF

GTI

SPARE PARTS

WHEELS

WHEEL COVER

CHROME

up ch

unki

ng

lateral chunking

Up-chunking: From specific to abstract.Questions: With which meaning? Where is this an example from?Down-chunking: From abstract to specific.Questions: What is specific, can you give an example ..?Lateral chunking: At the same level, more of the same (see bus, car, train, etc.).Questions: With what can you compare this?

GENERALISED

TRANSPORT

MOVING

EXISTANCE

CAR, PLANE, BUS, BOAT, TRAIN

FILTERSDeletionGeneralisationDistortion

19. The Meta-Model: Gathering Specific informationRichard Bandler and John Grinder, the founders of NLP, discovered that when people speak they naturally adopt three key processes with language, which they labeled as: deletion, generalization and distortion. These processes enable us all to explain our experiences in words to others without going into long-winded details and boring everyone to death.

These processes happen all the time in normal everyday encounters. We delete information by not giving the whole story. We make generalizations by extrapolating from one experience to another, and we distort reality by letting our imaginations run wild. The image demonstrates the NLP model of how you experience the real world through your senses: - visual (pictures ), - auditory (sounds ), - kinaesthetic (touch and feelings), - olfactory (smell), and - gustatory (taste). Your perception of reality is filtered or checked against what you already know through the processes of generalization, distortion and deletion. This is how you create your personal map or mental model of the real world.

Bandler and Grinder were watching and analyzing two different, highly experienced therapists at work talking to their clients: Virginia Satir and Milton Erickson. From this they came up with the NLP Meta Model as a way to explain the link between language and experience and the Milton Model as a way of making your model of the world bigger.

Bandler and Grinder were interested in finding the rules that determine how humans use language so that others could learn similar skills. Their own knowledge of linguistics and the field of transformational grammar influenced them. This set out ideas on how people describe and record their experiences in language. They published the results in 1975 in The Structure of Magic. Although the early work came from the field of psychotherapy - because they wanted to enrich the skills of 'people-helpers' - the models shed light equally well for you and me in ordinary situations where we're simply talking with friends, family, and colleagues.

The Meta-Model offers a series of questions that enable you to overcome the deletions, distortions and generalizations that people make. You'll recognize some of the questions. They'll be questions you naturally ask when you want to clarify meaning. But perhaps you haven 't thought about them consciously before. By asking in a gentle way and with rapport, these questions let you gather more information to define a clearer picture of what is really meant. The table below summarizes some of the different ways in which we can delete, generalize, and distort an experience through the language we adopt. Don't worry about the names of the NLP patterns just yet. It's more important that you begin to tune your ears into what people actually say. As you learn to spot the main Meta-Model patterns that you prefer yourself, and that others favor too, you're in a great position to respond appropriately. We offer some suggestions of what to say when you respond to gather the missing information that helps you to be sure of understanding what the other person really means.


Table NLP Meta Model Patterns

Meta Model Patters Examples of the patterns you might hear

Questions to help gather information or expand the other person’s view

DeletionSimple deletion l've been out Where specifically have you been?

Help! What do you want help with?Unspecified verbs She annoyed me How specifically did she annoy you?Comparisons She's better than me Better at what than you?Judgements You are wrong Who says so and what are the facts?Nominalisations Our relationship isn't

working How do we not relate to each other?

Change is easy Changing what is easy?GeneralisationModal operators of possibility

I can't. It’s not possible What stops you?

Modal operators of necessity

We have to do this ... we should, ought to

What would happen if we didn't?

Universal quantifiers He never thinks about my feelings

Never, ever?

We always do it this way Every single time? What would happen if we did it differently?

DistortionComplex equivalence With a name like that, he

must be popularHow does having this name mean that he is popular?

Mind reading You're going to love this How do you know that? Who says?Cause and effect His voice makes me angry How does his voice make you angry?

I made her feel awful How exactly did you do that?

48. Practice: Making a problem smallerIn pairs: A mentions a problem. Both look which Meta-model pattern this is.B asks questions step by step to make the problem more real and smaller. Chunking down.


20. The Milton Model As humans, we have an amazing capacity to make sense of what people say, even when it's very nonsensical. There are times when it is valuable to be artfully vague and non-specific in the content of what you say to enable the other person to fill in the gaps for him/herself. When language construction is artfully vague, people can take what they need from your words in a way that is most appropriate for them.

The Milton Model is a set of language patterns that you can use to take someone into a trance state, an altered state of consciousness, in which they are able to access unconscious resources, make changes, and solve their own problems. The Milton Model is named after Milton H Erickson, a man considered the most influential hypno-therapist of our time; you can read more about him and his technique in the sidebar 'Milton H Erickson - the Master at Work'.

The Milton Model uses all the same patterns that the Meta Model uses, except in reverse. The Milton Model 'chunks up', deliberately adopting vague language that can be interpreted widely. While the Meta Model aims to gather more information, the Milton Model aims to rise above the detail. The table below outlines the differences between these two models.

Milton Model Meta Model

Makes language more general Makes language more specific

Moves from surface to deep structure Moves from deep structure to surface

Looks for general understanding Looks for precise examples

Aims to access unconscious Aims to bring experience to conscious

Keeps client internally focused Keeps client externally focused

In the table below, you see highlighted some of the key language patterns of the Milton-Model. Just as in the Meta Model, Bandler and Grinder's earlier explanation of language, the Milton Model identifies three key types of pattern. You'll see the same deletions, generalizations, and distortions that happen in normal speech These are the ways in which we make sense of our everyday experiences and transform them into language.

You may notice from the comparison of the two models in the first table below that the Milton-Model makes statements that are deliberately very general in nature.The effect of this is to relax the person you're speaking to, while the Meta-Model asks questions to gain specific details missing from general statements.

Table Milton PatternsPatterns: Examples of the vague language you might use to challenge

deletions, generalizations, and distortions and to take a person into a receptive state

DeletionSimple deletion You are ready to listenUnspecified verbs As you make sense of this in your own time.Unspecified referential index There will be people who have been important to youPatterns Examples of the vague language you might use to challenge

deletions, generalizations, and distortions and to take a person into a receptive state


Comparisons You are feeling more and more curiousJudgments Remember that you have been through some tough times and

survived them wellNominalizations’ You are gaining new insights, building new friendships

GeneralizationsModal operators of possibility You can become more successful ...you are able to discover new

waysModal operators of necessity You must take this forward to where it has to goUniversal quantifiers Every time you feel like this

All the skills you need are easy for you to learn

DistortionMind reading - I know that you are becoming more interestedComplex equivalence ; This means that you are getting all the help you needCause and effect On each breath, you can relax even moreWho is saying this? It is ok to have thoughts.Presuppositions You’re learning a lot.

Who was Milton Erickson?As a compelling teacher and therapist, Milton H Erickson (1901-80) inspired and enchanted those who came to learn from him or to be healed. His mastery of therapeutic skills brought positive results for many people and led him to be named as the most influential hypno-therapist of our time. He had a profound effect on John Grinder and Richard Bandler, the founders of NLP. They modeled Erickson in 1974 and then published several books, which demonstrated the language patterns they had noted. These form the basis of the Milton Model in NLP -that deliberately adopts language where the meaning is vague, as opposed to the Meta Model, explained in the last part of this chapter, which aims to elicit more specific information.

Examples of Milton language:

This is easy, isn’t it? (Tag question)What is interesting is, when did you last learn so easily? (embedded commands)Would you like to order it in blue or in green? (double binds)Someday, we’ll all be free.Things can go only better.I have a dream.

49. Practice Milton Language 1Work in pairs. A tells in a minute about an event with a not optimal feeling.B also tells in a minute a similar story. If necessary, the listener asks some questions for clarification.A and B are now both write a few sentences, to appreciate the other for the role they played in this history. Use as much as possible the examples of Milton Language of Deletion, Generalization and Distortion.A read these sentences slowly to B and see how it comes in (calibrating).B says: “thank you” and does not respond with words.Then B and A swap.


50. Practice Milton Language 2Take a popular song text and analyze the Milton-patterns .

"Blowin' In The Wind" Bob DylanHow many roads must a man walk downBefore you call him a man?How many seas must a white dove sailBefore she sleeps in the sand?Yes, how many times must the cannon balls flyBefore they're forever banned?The answer my friend is blowin' in the windThe answer is blowin' in the wind.

Yes, how many years can a mountain existBefore it's washed to the sea?Yes, how many years can some people existBefore they're allowed to be free?Yes, how many times can a man turn his headPretending he just doesn't see?The answer my friend is blowin' in the windThe answer is blowin' in the wind.

Yes, how many times must a man look upBefore he can really see the sky?Yes, how many ears must one man haveBefore he can hear people cry?Yes, how many deaths will it take till he knowsThat too many people have died?The answer my friend is blowin' in the windThe answer is blowin' in the wind.

The Beatles, Lennon/McCartneyLove, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.There's nothing you can do that can't be done.Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the gameIt's easy.There's nothing you can make that can't be made.No one you can save that can't be saved.Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be youin time - It's easy.All you need is love, all you need is love,All you need is love, love, love is all you need.Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.All you need is love, all you need is love,All you need is love, love, love is all you need.There's nothing you can know that isn't known.Nothing you can see that isn't shown.Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.It's easy.All you need is love, all you need is love,All you need is love, love, love is all you need.All you need is love (all together now)All you need is love (everybody)All you need is love, love, love is all you need.


1

Milton patternsFactual observationCause ResultMind readingUniversal truthPossibilityPresupposition

How would you approach this case (f)?

2

3

4

5

I observe that you came to this place. (a)

I notice that you are looking at me which means that you have attention for this (b)

I can imagine that you ask yourself how much this conversation can give you. (c)

Everything is pointing in the direction of success (d)

There may happen beautiful things. (e)

The technique of the ‘Yes Set’

The YES-set is to create a mindset in which someone ends in the yes mode.For example: You are [name of person]?You came here!I see you looking at me, you're sitting at the same table, you are listening, you take time for this, etc.So you have attention for this matter.While you are listening at my voice, you may wonder what this conversation is going to bring you.I am convinced that you want to put effort in this case.Finally we both want this matter to have a successful conclusion.I am sure that you want to tackle this carefully.Would you tell me how important this matter is to you?What do we ultimately want to achieve with this?What steps do you have in mind that could bring you closer to success?

Example in an image:

(the presupposition is now that he/she wants to cooperate)

51. Practice: Yes setCreate a ‘Yes set’ with the purpose to motivate somebody to do something which is in the interest of both of you.


21. Non Violent CommunicationLanguage use by Marshall Rosenberg.


Feelings and Needs in Non-Violent CommunicationThe following are words we use when we want to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.Feelings when your needs are satisfied

AFFECTIONATEcompassionatefriendlylovingopen heartedsympathetictenderwarmENGAGEDabsorbedalertcuriousengrossedenchantedentrancedfascinatedinterestedintriguedinvolvedspellboundstimulatedHOPEFULexpectantencouragedoptimistic

CONFIDENTempoweredopenproudsafesecureEXCITEDamazedanimatedardentarousedastonisheddazzledeagerenergeticenthusiasticgiddyinvigoratedlivelypassionatesurprisedvibrant

GRATEFULappreciativemovedthankfultouchedINSPIREDamazedawedwonderJOYFULamuseddelightedgladhappyjubilantpleasedtickledEXHILARATEDblissfulecstaticelatedenthralledexuberantradiantrapturousthrilled

PEACEFULcalmclear headedcomfortablecenteredcontentequanimousfulfilledmellowquietrelaxedrelievedsatisfiedserenestilltranquiltrustingREFRESHEDenlivenedrejuvenatedrenewedrestedrestoredrevived

52. Practice: Walk through the stepsPut the cards on the ground and walk the steps of non-violent communication with a real conflict situation


Feelings when your needs are not satisfiedAFRAIDapprehensivedreadforebodingfrightenedmistrustfulpanickedpetrifiedscaredsuspiciousterrifiedwaryworriedANNOYEDaggravateddismayeddisgruntleddispleasedexasperatedfrustratedimpatientirritatedirkedANGRYenragedfuriousincensedindignantiratelividoutragedresentfulAVERSIONanimosityappalledcontemptdisgusteddislikehatehorrifiedhostilerepulsed

CONFUSEDambivalentbaffledbewildereddazedhesitantlostmystifiedperplexedpuzzledtornDISCONNECTEDalienatedaloofapatheticboredcolddetacheddistantdistractedindifferentnumbremoveduninterestedwithdrawnDISQUIETagitatedalarmeddiscombobulateddisconcerteddisturbedperturbedrattledrestlessshockedstartledsurprisedtroubledturbulentturmoiluncomfortableuneasyunnervedunsettledupset

EMBARRASSEDashamedchagrinedflusteredguiltymortifiedself-consciousFATIGUEbeatburnt outdepletedexhaustedlethargiclistlesssleepytiredwearyworn outPAINagonyanguishedbereaveddevastatedgriefheartbrokenhurtlonelymiserableregretfulremorsefulSADdepresseddejecteddespairdespondentdisappointeddiscourageddisheartenedforlorngloomyheavy heartedhopelessmelancholyunhappywretched

TENSEanxiouscrankydistresseddistraughtedgyfidgetyfrazzledirritablejitterynervousoverwhelmedrestlessstressed outVULNERABLEfragileguardedhelplessinsecureleeryreservedsensitiveshakyYEARNINGenviousjealouslongingnostalgicpiningwistful


Authentic NeedsThe following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.

CONNECTIONacceptanceaffectionappreciationbelongingcooperationcommunicationclosenesscommunitycompanionshipcompassionconsiderationconsistencyempathyinclusionintimacylovemutualitynurturingrespect/self-respect

CONNECTION continuedsafetysecuritystabilitysupportto know and be knownto see and be seento understand and be understoodtrustwarmthPHYSICAL WELL-BEINGairfoodmovement/exerciserest/sleepsexual expressionsafetysheltertouchwater

HONESTYauthenticityintegritypresencePLAYjoyhumorPEACEbeautycommunioneaseequalityharmonyinspirationorderAUTONOMYchoicefreedomindependencespacespontaneity

MEANINGawarenesscelebration of lifechallengeclaritycompetenceconsciousnesscontributioncreativitydiscoveryefficacyeffectivenessgrowthhopelearningmourningparticipationpurposeself-expressionstimulationto matterunderstanding

Source: Center for Nonviolent Communication website: www.cnvc.org


22. ReframingChange the frame

Cover the lower part of this page.Observe first the image in this frame.What is the observation?

What happens if you look another time in another frame?

Wonderful things can happen!


Change the frame

53. Practice What do

you see?Black little blocks or ….. something else?


What I asked life

I asked for strength...And life gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom...And life gave me problems to resolve.

I asked for prosperity...And life gave me brains and muscles to work with.

I asked to be able to fly ...And life gave me obstacles to overcome.

I asked for love ...And life gave me people who needed help.

I asked for favours ...And life gave me possibilities

I did not receive anything of what I asked for...

And.......

I received everything I needed!

11

2

3

4 56

7

9

10

8

1

54. Practice Reframing ‘thick lined islandsColor the numbered shapes.Write down which thoughts come into your mind when you are coloring the picture.Draw a thick line between 8 and 9 and between 10 and 11.What do you learn while doing this?’


About Reframing What are you actually doing in reframing? You separate the meaning (intention) and the behavior (what you say of do). You change the perspective.

Reframing means that you place a different framework (= frame of a portrait) around it. You place something in another scope. By doing this, you automatically change the meaning.Just as a picture frame puts borders or boundaries on what you can see in a picture, the frames of reference that you choose as a result of your beliefs about yourself and others, your perceived role in life, your perceived limitations in skills/abilities, etc. can limit what you see as possible or can open up all sorts of possibilities. You (and if you allow them, others) are continually setting timeframes, boundaries, limits, etc. on what you can and can’t do - often without any real thought about the consequences or if the limitations are true.Changing the frame of an experience can have a major influence on how you perceive, interpret and react to that experience. Being told that you have one hour to complete a task will most likely result in a different emotional state, approach and quality of work than if you are told that you have one week to accomplish the same task. This illustrates how a change in frame (in this case a timeframe) can have a significant impact on the choices you make. Changing the frame of reference is called reframing in NLP. The purpose of reframing is to help a person experience their actions, the impact of their beliefs, etc. from a different perspective (frame) and potentially be more resourceful or have more choice in how they react.Jokes are reframes - you are guided to think in one frame and then the frame (meaning or context) changes. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, and the light bulb must want to change!

Fairy tales often use reframes to help children see different perspectives or consequences - ‘crying wolf’.1. Context-Reframing

Almost all behaviors are useful or appropriate in some context. Interrupting a speaker by standing up and offering your view in the middle of her lecture may be judged as inappropriate. To do this same behavior at the end of the presentation in order to provide a different perspective may be welcomed by all present.

A context reframe is useful for statements such as: ‘I am too pushy.’ or ‘I wish I did not focus on what could go wrong.’ In this type of situation, your client has assumed that this type of behavior has no value. You job is to discover when it is of value by asking yourself the question ‘When or where would this behavior be useful or viewed as a resource?’ A possible reframe might be: ‘Isn’t that a great skill to have when you need to get things done or to avoid potential problems?’ Once you have your client more resourceful, you can then assist him/her to discover behaviors that may be more appropriate in other


Is the glass half full or half empty?Or are you putting the wine in

WhisperingOnce there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''

The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

situations.

Children and ParentingChildren exhibit all sorts of behaviors - some appropriate and some not so appropriate. Focusing mainly on a child’s inappropriate behaviors may result in the child feeling overly criticized or attacked, resulting in an increase in problem behavior or the child becoming overly defensive. As an alternative, a parent may choose two courses of action:Assuming every behavior has a positive intention, the parent may choose to discover the positive intention. Then the parent can discuss with the child other behaviors that would meet both the parent’s and child’s needs.The parent may point out where or in what context that type of behavior is acceptable; thus validating to the child that his behaviors are useful in certain contexts.The former is an example of a content reframe and the later an example of a context reframe.Examples:If somebody put out his tongue against you, probably you don’t like that. Context-reframing: As this person is only three years, then it is very different. May be you will laugh at him. Or if a grown up person does it when he is visiting his doctor, he is somebody who is cooperative to the medical investigation.If you see somebody in his swimming shorts you probably find this strange. Context-reframing: Suggest the same person with the same clothing in the swimming pool and you will accept this as completely normal."I’m always shouting so loudly" Context-reframing: "That can be very useful if you really need help, for example as you are in danger."

In short: invent a different context in which the person involved will react different at the same behavior.

2. Content-Reframing

The content or meaning of a situation is determined by what you choose to focus on. An electrical power failure can be viewed as disruptive, a major disaster given all you have to get done. Or it can be viewed as an opportunity to spend some intimate time with your spouse or to have fun with your children finding innovative ways to manage the situation. A red traffic light can be seen as an obstacle which will prevent you to come to your work on time, but you can also see it as a welcome moment to meditate and take a little rest.

A content reframe is useful for statements such as: ‘I get annoyed when my boss stands behind me while I am working.’ Notice how the person has taken the situation and given it a specific meaning -- which may or may not be true - and in so doing limits her resourcefulness and possible courses of action. To reframe this situation, remember the NLP presupposition ‘Every behavior has a positive intention’ and ask questions such as:What other meaning could the boss’ behavior have? Or for what purpose does he do it? A possible reframe might be: ‘Is it possible he wants to help and does not know how to offer his assistance in any other way?’What is the positive value in this behavior? The positive value could be related to the boss’ behavior (as above) or it could be related to the speaker’s behavior. A possible reframe might be: ‘Isn’t it great that you know your boundaries and are not prepared to allow someone to violate them?’If you are experiencing a physical problem (including phobias and allergies), you may ask yourself, ‘Is this problem useful to me in some way?’ For example, it may give you permission to say ‘no’. If this is the case, you could ask yourself, ‘Is there some other way that I can get this same result without having to have the physical problem?’ And just maybe the physical problem will disappear.Examples:Put the question to yourself (or the other):"Which positive intention could there be behind this behavior?" or "What can this behavior mean still more?" or


"What has this person not noticed (in this context) which may be the cause of another meaning and can change his response?"A colleague is speaking without stopping. Content-reframing: “He must be very intelligent if he has so many things to tell about.”An army general gives the order to his troops not to withdraw but to advance in a different direction, at the moment when the enemy was attacking severely.

A personal view of reframingWe all experience suffering in our lives - like death and taxes it seems to be a universal constant. In fact life seems to go out of its way to provide you with some exquisite forms of suffering, whether it be rejection from a someone you find attractive, an embarrassing failure at work, or simply the fact that everyone else seems to have more (money, happiness, sex, etc.) than you. Suffering is also something we usually don’t like to think about. If you had a choice would you selectively delete those moments of pain? What would your life be like then? We all seem to deal with suffering in our own unique way. Some people become very upset and then move on as if it never happened. Others withdraw, become more cautious or even paralyzed by the events. And others seem to thrive on what we would call suffering, seeing each pain as a challenge or someone to fight.

Think about it for a moment… Just how do you deal with suffering? Do you like your friends to console you? Furiously throw yourself into some activity? ‘Not think of it’ – by shutting out any thoughts about it? And how did you evolve your way of handling emotional pain? Most of us have a preferred way of coping with pain – one that evolved in an ad-hoc manner.

NLP has developed some important tools for who experience emotional pain - by studying or ‘modeling’ those who have learned cope with life particularly well.

My preferred technique is to change the labels on the suffering. Generally, we tend to put our memories into the broad categories of pain or pleasure. We can diffuse a lot of our past pain by honestly looking at our categories and seeing can they be re-labeled.

For example, let’s say you are working with a computer and it crashes, destroying your day’s work. How do you label the pain? Do you give it a destructive label like I’m no good with computers? Or a constructive one like Wow, I never thought of that, I will save my work more often?.

The pain your have experienced in the past can be re-labeled or re-viewed or ‘reframed’ as a valuable lesson or opportunity to grow and extend yourself. It can endow us with the nicest qualities of caring and compassion of our fellow suffers.

In addition to the re-labeling process, there are a range of other NLP techniques that you can use to ‘reprogram’ (or change how you are affected by) your past and to design a better future, since our past can determine our future unless we are careful. Unlike may other learning systems, NLP does not provided a rigid recipe of steps that will only work under rigid conditions. Instead it provides a sort of Swiss army knife of tools that help keep you on course, positive, successful and happy.

55. Practice with reframingIn two’s, 2 x 5 minutes: (warn every time after 5 minutes)A speaks about a problem that is really important for him. He associates.A leaves the room for a while, B en C think about at least two reactions (context and/or content reframing).A is called back.B repeats the problem: “If I have it right, you are saying………………………………..” (notice if A nodding in approval, if not change your intervention as A gives you suggestions, no discussion!).B fires the reframing: “Could you imagine ………………………………” (asking and postulating or command tone), B calibrates how A react A listens (don’t talk).


3

C the same as B repeat the problem (as in 4) “If I have it right, you are saying …..”)

Perceptual PositionsGregory Bateson: To judge a situation as well as possible, it is important to consider this situation from at least three different perspectives.

First Position:This is your own Perceptual Position as you, yourself, experience it. In NLP, we would call this a fully associated position. That is, you are fully in it and living it as if it is happening right now -- which it is. You are seeing, listening feeling as you did at the moment you are working on.

Second Position: This is the Perceptual Position of an 'other'. It's the walking, seeing, hearing, feeling, thinking, believing, etc., in another man's shoes. It can even be another part of your mind or body. .This position can be in direct communication with First Position. That is, if you adopted Second Position, and spoke to yourself in First Position, you would address yourself as 'you'.Third Position: From the third position, you are like an interested, but not directly involved observer of the other two. It's a useful position for gathering information and noticing relationship dynamics going on between them. In third position, if you were to refer to yourself in first or second position, you'd use third person pronouns such as "he", "she" or "they". The observer position is outside the first two, but it suspends any beliefs or assumptions about both first and second positions. Sometimes I call this the "friendly visitor from outer space who has just arrived" position. A good way to get into this position is by noticing really obvious things, such as the fact that the person in first position has two feet and has two eyes. If first and second positions are communicating with each other, you might notice that they make funny noises and respond to each other in curious ways. From there you can begin to observe more complex patterns and interactions.

56. Practice: Perceptual positionsWork in three’s A, B and C. 3 x 7 minutes, every time warn after 10 minutes in order to change.Take about three minutes for each position.

1. Make rapport. A, B and C are standing.2. Put three chairs, with notes, 1st, 2nd en 3rd position.3. A takes the chair which is indicated as the 1st position, 4. A chooses an important event in which the contact with somebody else was not as good as he

wished. 5. A starts to tell: “I was …………..”6. B is asking A and C observes. What did you see? What did you hear? What did you feel? Be

alert! Just as A changes his story into the 2nd position, B asks A to change to the chair of the 2nd position. Just as A goes into 3rd position, for example analyzing, dissociates B asks A to take the chair of the 3rd position (helicopter view).

7. A changes to the chair of the 2nd position. A goes totally into the feelings of B and takes as a pre-supposition that B has positive intentions. He tells how he felt in that event and what he experienced.

8. A stands on the chair of the 3rd position and looks from above upon the situation of the event. He describes what he sees without taking sides. He makes an analysis and gives an objective advice to both.

9. B en C give sandwich feedback.10. B en C take turns doing the same thing.


23. Reading more about NLP (Books and websites)

Books

1. “NLP for Dummies, Turn positive thoughts in positive action”. by Romilla Ready en Kate Burton, ISBN 9043010502

2. “Introducing NLP, Psychological Understanding and Influencing people” by Joseph OÇonnor & John Seymour ISBN : 10 185538 344 6

3. “NLP Workbook” A practical guide to achieving the results you want” by Joseph OÇonnor ISBN 0 00 710003 5

4. “Free yourself from fears, overcome anxiety and living without worry” Joseph O’Çonnor ISBN1-85788-360-8

5. “Unlimited power, the way to peak personal achievement” Anthony Robbins ISBN: 0449 90280-3

6. “Awaken the giant within”, Anthony Robbins ISBN 0-671-79145-07. “Time Line Therapy and the basis of personality” Tad James & Wyatt Woodsmall ISBN0-916990-

21-48. “Training trances, multi-Level Communication, The therapy and Training” John Overdurf & Julie

Silverthorn ISNB 1-55552-069-39. NLP for dummies Romilla Ready and Kate Burton, Addison Wesley10. From coach to awakener, Robert Dilts Meta Publications, Capitola California 200311. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D; 240 pages, 2nd

edition, Puddle Dancer Press, 2007.12. "Zbirka Methoda Neurolingvističkog Programiranja (NLP-a), Roger Terry i Richard Churches,

Ostvarenje13. "Pun vam je kufer Strasa, uzmite NLP" Martina Kvarantan, Veble, Zagreb, 2009.14. "Svegmogući NLP, David Molden, Pat Hutchinson, Veble, Zagreb, 2008.

websites:www.nlpls.comwww.nlpschool.com www.renewal.ca/nlp5.htm www.nlp.com www.nlp-world.comwww.nlpinfo.com www.richard bandler .com www.john grinder .co.uk look at Google


http://www.johngrinder.co.uk/

http://www.richardbandler.com/

http://www.nlpinfo.com/

http://www.nlp-world.com/

http://www.nlp.com/

http://www.renewal.ca/nlp5.htm

http://www.nlpschool.com/

http://www.nlpls.com/

http://www.nl.bol.com/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/nl/-/EUR/BOL_DisplayCreatorPageInformation-Start;sid=bcM78EhcQsI71AuGErYFx6iE9JykQ-qGYTc=?BOL_ARTIST_ID=45263&Section=BOOK

24. Quotes:Richard Bandler:The greatest personal limitation is to be found not in the things you want to do and can't, but in the things you've never considered doing.

Albert Einstein:I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.

Dalai LamaThis is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

Mahatma GandhiFreedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.

Prophet MohammedWho are the learned? Those who practice what they know.

Martin Luther KingA man who won't die for something is not fit to live.

Nelson MandelaAs we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Mother TheresaBe faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.


docs/handbooks/e… · web viewyou will learn this and many other techniques in this basic nlp...

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