www.meyerslearningcenter.com organize your life: strategies for parents of pre-school kids ali zidel...

www.meyerslearningcenter.com

Organize Your Life: Strategies for Parents

of Pre-school Kids

Ali Zidel Meyers, MSW

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Relax; it’s not that kind of talk.

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Welcome• Who am I?

• Who are you?

• Why organizational skills?– Laying the groundwork…school and life skills– The struggles are real, and so are the benefits

• Caveats:– No silver bullets– Process vs. content– Help yourself: an a la carte presentation

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6 Questions(There will be a quiz!)

1. Name a thought process involved in organizing.

2. Name some of the “Five Friends”.

3. What are the two cornerstones of organization?

4. Give an example of a way to “start early”.

5. What are some routines that can serve your family or school community?

6. Why do organizational difficulties arise and what can we do about them?

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Organization: Thinking

Organizational cognition (before action even happens):– Cognitive processes

• Categorizing• Sequencing• Prioritizing

– What we take for granted as adults… • Slice It Up (handout)

– Developmental factors: the finicky frontal lobe

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Habits of Organization: The Five Friends

What you can do to cultivate habits of organization with your children:

1. Role Modeling

2. Direct Instruction

3. Limit-setting

4. Problem-solving

5. Routines

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Teaching Organizational Habits

– Role modeling: They watch what you do, and they do as you do.

– Direct instruction: Show and teach new skills directly.

– Limit-setting: Define/communicate boundaries.

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Role Modeling

• The Ping-Pong Program: – Play ping-pong for 12 hours and lose 1lb – Examine and address ping-pong tactics in your life.

• Practice building effective structure and habits:– Start small: clear a single surface (the pile with eyes)– Organize in baby steps regularly: use a key dish;

tackle a junk drawer, de-clutter a closet section or a cabinet each week.

– Have a family Purge Party or a De-clutter Contest. (Pick one room or area, and set a time limit. Work fast.) Who can pick up the most toys in 90 seconds?

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Organizing your life…• “The secret’s in the system.”• The key to organization is not in some magic

formula, but in making and maintaining an effective system for you.

• The bottom line: Create an effective personal system & use it.

• “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” (-William Morris)

• …A good rule of thumb for personal organizing • Ask yourself Is it useful, beautiful, or just takin’

up space?

Teaching Organizational Habits:Role Modeling

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Role Modeling & Direct Instruction

• Two cornerstones of organization:1. Structure

2. Habit

• The best organizational system is the one that’s effective for you and your family.

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Direct Instruction

Ask, show, tell. • Osmosis works in biology, but not for teaching

organization skills!• Kids who struggle with organization need new

behaviors taught directly (and repeatedly) in ways that match their learning styles.

• In the preschool realm, kids need concrete, specific, hands-on teaching (lengthy explanations do not work).

• Asking questions: guides preschool children in realizing, owning, & internalizing their learning.

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• Start early. Practice often• Set and show the expectation that your child is

part of a community (the family community and the community at large)…everyone contributes.

• What preschool kids can do to contribute:– Set the table– Feed pets– Water plants– Put items away in designated spaces– Other examples?

• Gift alternatives: donations, book trades, etc.

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• Create and maintain effective space solutions with your child.– Kids can help create these spaces, as you guide them

through the process.– Foster buy-in and ownership by including them in

space creation and making solutions attractive and kid-friendly.

– Set the expectation: first things first! You can’t move on to the next toy/book/game until the other(s) are put away.

– Reward systems with sticker charts for special privileges work well for many pre-schoolers.

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Space considerations for UN-baby-proofing:

-Kneel down—this is where to start…

-Space solutions should be at eye level & within hands-reach for kids

-Make sure bins, crates, cubbies, shelves, or boxes are accessible, sturdy, and kid-safe

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Limit-Setting

Limit setting: Helping kids understand what’s okay and what’s not…where boundaries are

• Publish your Priorities: Decide on priorities and make them known (personal safety, school work, personal space, communal space)

• CLEARLY define limits so kids know exactly what’s expected.

• Maintain limits as non-negotiables.• Do not give up; it will register (maybe not right

now, but later…).– The boy whose bedroom floor disappeared.

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Limit-Setting

You’ve got power; use it.Consider every single thing your child may consider an

entitlement…

– Total Access: mommy or daddy time – Kitchen/snack access– Play time– Pet time– Screen time (TV, DVD, Computer)

These are privileges, not rights. Use them for limit-setting and organizational habit-building.

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Routines

Begin as you mean to go on…

Routines provide

• Consistency…predictability

• Safety and security

• The groundwork for strong organization skills…patterns of behavior– Neurological pathway reinforcement +

body muscle memory = HABIT

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• Morning– Hygiene – Self-Care (breakfast, lunch, stuff for the day)

• Evening– Hygiene – Clothing, stuff for next day– Nighttime ritual: bathroom, dance, story, bed

• Any time– A place for everything, and everything in its place (Put

away before taking out.)– Clean-up song– TimeTimer for transitions

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• Job Chart/Wheel (with pictures)

• Magic Hat– Parent Jobs– Kid jobs:

• Laundry sorting• Set the table• Pet care (feed, clean)• Common area clean-up• Categorizing toys/books/collections

• Your tools of the trade: – Routine Toolbox

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Why: organizational challenges– Mental and behavioral processes required for

organization are complex.• These processes take years to develop.

– Difficulties can stem from:• Developmental range• Hardwiring (often associated with ADD, ADHD,

executive functioning, NVLD, ‘out-of-box’/creative thinkers—think of innovative inventors)—but don’t get ahead of yourself!

• Genetics• Ingrained habits that need transformation• Limit-testing and seeking: changing/challenging limits

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Teaching Organizational Habits:Problem-Solving

Come back to basics: – Consciously practice role modeling, direct

instruction, and limit-setting– PATIENCE– Problem-solving; SYSTEM, METHOD

• Involve your child in problem-solving, provide a method to give structure and build habits around effective problem-solving

• The ear and the mouth: active listening

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Invisible Manholes: Beware• The School Picture Makeover• The Felt Fishy Syndrome• Peaks and Valleys in “The Valley”:

– Expectations– Stay grounded: yourself, your child, your life– Where are you?– Where is your child?

• Capacities• Challenges• Crossroads (academic, personal, psychosocial, physiological)

• Adjust accordingly

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Resources

• These challenges are all NORMAL! • Kids need trial and ERROR to learn,

problem-solve, figure it out…expect that• If you’re struggling to the point of feeling

tapped out, habitually anxious, or depressed, consider seeing help.– Parents’ Place– Parents Helping Parents– Other parents (your community)– Therapists specializing in parenting issues– Organizational coaches

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6 Questions(Time for a quiz!)

1. Name a thought process involved in organizing.

2. Name some of the “Five Friends”.

3. What are the two cornerstones of organization?

4. Give an example of a way to “start early”.

5. What are some routines that can serve your family or school community?

6. Why do organizational difficulties arise and what can we do about them?

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In Closing…

Four Seasons, Four Sons

www.meyerslearningcenter.com organize your life: strategies for parents of pre-school kids ali zidel...

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