zine call out queen

7/29/2019 Zine Call Out Queen

1/24

EDITED BYJ UANA PERALTA AND

ROY PREZ

cal loutqueen.tumblr .com

CALLOUTQUEENm a r k a g u h a r


2/24

what i was thinking today // is that art has always been asurvival tool for me // im USING art, i dont think of my-self as an artist before i think of myself as a person // and ifwhat im making isnt art anymore // i dont really care //

because im doing what i need to to survive in my own mind

- mark aguhar // calloutqueen

47

BYE H8R

:3


3/24


4/24

4

THESE ARE THE AXES

1Bodies are inherently valid

2Remember death

3Be ugly

4Know beauty

5It is complicated

6Empathy

7Choice

8Reconstruct, reify

9

Respect, negotiate

45

4TH JUL 2010

I MEAN COOL IFYOU WANT TO BEVEGETARIAN BUT

LETS NOT TURNIT INTO A CLASS

WAR OR PRETENDTHAT THERE ARENTMULTIPLE REASONS

TO DO THINGS


5/24

44

9

Respect, negotiate

5

1

Bodies are inherently valid


6/24

6

4TH JUN 2011

NO MATTER

WHAT YOU DOYOU

WILL NEVER BEBEAUTIFUL

43

22ND MAY 2010


7/24

42

29TH JUN 2011

LOL, ART

7

4TH JUN 2011

UGH AS FUCK ON THE DAILY


8/24

8

4TH JUN 2011

FOR SOME PEOPLEOTHERNESS IS ANOVEL EXPERIENCE

Every single time I step outside my body is a public object.

Yesterday a girl saw me walk into a store and laughed andnodded my way to get her friends to notice me.

Today someone I know complimented my ass. Several of myfriends complimented my hair and my rope harness. On thetrain several people kept glancing over at me incredulously.

This is not novel to me.

Safe space is novel to me.

People feel like they have the right to make comment onmy body. It doesnt matter that its positive or negative. Im

actually very thankful that people give me compliments, butthe fact that people dont pause before commenting on myimage is really hard.

Yes I am a performer, yes I cultivate my image in particularways, but that does not mean the consequences arent dif-ficult to deal with.

41

18TH FEB 2012

I will not re-situate my ideas for a neoliberal framework

I think its fair for contemporary art to ask of its audience

that they reframe themselves, not that the art come to theaudience on their terms

I think its fair for contemporary art to accomplish workwithin a highly specific frame rather than make falselybroad statements

I think its fair to abide by the rules of the frame I choose

rather than break the rules I choose to keep for the sake of adominant paradigm

I believe Audre Lorde: The masters tools will never dis-mantle the masters house

reframe

tip the axis

reframe

I dont care about your gaze

reframe

my tools belong to me

reframe

this conversation is tired

4TH JAN 2012

Calling things boring is the best insult, I love beingflip-pant, flippancy is the most important thing in the world


9/24

40

8

Reconstruct, reify

9

5TH AUG 2011

totalbroski asked: Why are you fat? Im

curious. Is it some kind of fetish?

lol

18TH SEP 2011

londonpreppy asked: youre a fat pieceof shit who is stupid. quit parroting allthe crap you hear in your stupid bullshitclasses.

lol


10/24

10

3RD AUG 2011

JUST REMEMBERING

THOSE BITCHES LASTNIGHT TOUCHING ME

AND TELLING ME SHITTYTHINGS, NBD

WHAT KIND OF PERSON SMILES AT YOU, TOUCHESYOUR BODY IN A FRIENDLY WAY AS IF THEY WANTEDTO DANCE OR SAY HI, PLACES THEIR HAND ON YOURBELLY AND TELLS YOU TO DIET?

WHAT KIND OF PERSON TALKS TO YOU ALL FRIENDLY

AND THEN TELLS YOU, YOU NEED SPANX? AND THENTURNS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHO LOVE YOU ANDWHO YOU LOVE BACK, AND DEMANDS THEY BACKHER UP ON THIS?

YOU KNOW WHAT

IM GONNA TAKE A PAGE OUT OF THE GLORIOUS

BOOK OF HEATHER, FROM OUR GODDESS CARMENCARRERA; YOU DONT HAVE TO PUT PEOPLE DOWNTO LIFT YOURSELF UP, YOU CAN JUST BE THE BEST.YOU CAN BE THE BEST AND WIN. AND YOU KNOWWHAT? IM A FUCKING HEATHER-ASS-BITCH SO BET-TER STEP OUT MY WAY OR GET CRUSHED BY MYCOOKIE-EATIN-ASS

5TH OCT 2010


11/24

38

21ST MAY 2011

I believe in anger and rage, controlled consensualviolence, temporary separatist fantasias, the destructionof whiteness, the destruction of maleness, the destruction

of reprosexuality, my personal hegemony, transgressivefashion, body positivity, reading, and making looks

24TH JAN 2011

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ALWAYS TALKABOUT HAVING TYPES AND ALLTHAT, BUT IT HASNT ACTUALLYBEEN THAT HARD FOR ME TOTRAIN MY DICK TO GO FLACCID ATTHE SIGHT OF NORMATIVE WHITEMASCULINITY

24TH APR 2011

PROPOSAL THAT ORGANIZING

MY ART AROUND MY LIBIDO IS ASVALID AS YOU ORGANIZING YOURART AROUND YOUR LIBIDO, ITSNOT MY FAULT MY SEX DRIVE ISDICTATED BY DESTROYING YOU

11

3RD AUG 2011

3RD AUG 2011

YOU LOOK LIKE AWHALE, OKAY

3RD AUG 2011

co u n t s n a ck u l a r e p l i ed t o y o u r p h o t o : I w a n t Yo u

l o o k l i k e a w ha l e , o k a y ? on a t sh i r t . A l so l u v u f o r

st o k i n g t h e flam es o f m y f a t r a g e r ecen t l y

U LOOK LYK A WALE OK


12/24

12

3RD AUG 2011

Just in case youd forgotten, being fat is still one of the mostegregious of sins in the queer community. The sins of my

body are punishable by constant public derision for 3 hoursstraight. An obnoxious overly tan woman feels allowed to

tell me that I need to wear spanx. The most basic frosted-tipboystown mo can touch my blessed belly and tell me to diet.

A forgettable queen can take one look at me and say RE-

ALLY?!!?!? as if I didnt exist. A femme and possibly trans*queen can laugh openly as I walk by. The most tired bleachblond circuit queen can dance sloppy and shirtless without

vocal criticism, but I cant walk a half a block without catch-ing hate. Not to mention the numerous bitches who give

me one look and giggle with their friends. Im glad my bodycontinues to have such amazing public power; who else is as

legendary as me?

37

5TH OCT 2010

HOW TO STAVE OFFSUICIDE FOR

ANOTHER COUPLE HOURS

1. eat cheese or fried things or both or fried cheese2. buy beautiful plants that remind you of yourself and thatneed careful attention3. watch complicated movies about coming of age as aperson of color in the 90s 4. with a strong female lead5. lay down the groundwork toward making hair extensionsa reality6. buy fashion that makes you feel like you are self-

actualizing7. consider the reality of hormones8. shower or bathe as often as makes you happy9. have serious heart-to-heart conversations with the peoplethat you love10. WHAT THE FUCK DOES BEING A LADY HAVE TODO WITH BEING A DOCTOR?

11. find a therapist you get along with and that you canafford and be honest with them12. cuddle with your friends as often and for as long as theyare willing to stand you13. remember that you are worthy14. remember that the reason you dont want to commitsuicide is because YOU dont WANT to


13/24

36

7

Choice

13

3RD AUG 2011

TAKINGCONTROL OF MY

PHYSICAL BODYIS THE ONLY WAYFOR ME TO

EXERT AGENCYIN A WORLD

DESIGNED TODEMOLISH MYPERSONHOOD


14/24

14

2

Remember death

35

28TH OCT 2010

JUANA HELPS ME PROCESS WHEN I GOON TIRADES AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE,

THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING ASHAVING WONDERFUL AND NORMALINTERACTIONS WITH MY FRIENDS WHOARE WHITE. WHITE PRIVILEGE IS NOTTHE SAME THING AS BEING A WHITEPERSON AND YOURE LUCKY THAT YOUHAVE THE LUXURY OF THOSE ASPECTSOF YOUR PERSONHOOD BE SEPARATE.

White vs. white

6TH OCT 2011

IF U R NOT WHITE PLZ STEP 2 THEFRONT OF THE LINE

its not prejudice its just preference

6TH OCT 2011

BROWN PEOPLE LOVING OTHER BROWNPEOPLE AUDRE LORDE SOMETHING OROTHER BLAHBLAHBLAH


15/24

34

2ND JAN 2012

moments before arriving at the bar that night I had been cryingmy eyes out with one of my besties and you cant even tell becauseIm so stunning/my emotionality makes me stunning

15

3RD AUG 2011

grief is violent, selfish, painful, and necessary

24TH SEP 2010

RIPSYLVESTER 1988

VENUS XTRAVAGANZA 1988

DORIAN COREY 1993

SELENA 1995

AALIYAH 2001

LISA LEFT EYE LOPES 2002

PEPPER LABEIJA 2003

HEAVENLY ANGEL OCTAVIA ST. LAURENT MANOLOBLAHNIK 2009

BRITTANY MURPHY 2009


16/24

16

14TH JUN 2011

There are lots of different kinds of pain. This isnt like any ofthem. I felt fear wash over me on Wednesday afternoon andI dont think its left since. This isnt something that I can beangry about, this isnt something that I canfix. This isnt thekind of pain that burns bright and fast, like the pain of be-

trayal, heartbreak, failure, or frustration. This is numbness.Ive been able to do little other than sleep and eat. Anguishis occupying my body in a way that I didnt expect. This issomething Ill probably live with forever. The pain takesform in my throat and my chest from time to time. Prayinghelps. Even though I dont know that I believe any of it, eventhough I dont think of myself as a Christian, these nightsof praying the Novena have helped me understand the form

of my grief. Instead of inhabiting my body with aggressivequiet, the words take shape inside me in a way they neverhave before, they give me something to do other than stareblankly and something to say other than nothing, and thecommunal drone of my extended familys prayer vibrates inmy gut, and the sound of the hymns access my emotions inways I never knew possible. I wish this were the consump-

tive but temporary pains Im so used to. The pain of theworld not wanting you there that can quickly turn to rageand power. I dont know how to turn this pain into poweryet. I dont know if Ill ever be able to do that.

Maybe it will get better. I want for my brother and I to gettattoos this week. Maybe on Friday.

33

4TH JUN 2011

JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO

DESTROY YOUR SENSE OFBODILY SELF DOESNT MEAN I

DONT VALUE YOU AS A PERSON

17TH JAN 2011

WHEN I BRUSH MY HAIR IIMAGINE WITH EVERY STROKE

THAT EVERY PERSON WHOS

MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS THANA PERSON IS GAGGING

28TH SEP 2011

LIFE IS HARD, SOMEPEOPLE GET THROUGH ITLONGER THAN OTHERS,

EVERYBODY DIES, AND THE

CIRCUMSTANCES ARENTALWAYS SIMPLE


17/24

32

6

Empathy

17

5TH OCT 2010

just because I hate life doesnt mean I cant try to look goodwhile suffering


18/24

18

29TH AUG 2011

5TH OCT 2010

Im tired of being told to be strong or stronger or whateverbecause it feels like a lie

and it feels like a betrayal to even suggest that the people in

my life who didnt survive were somehow not as strong asme

I dont need to be strong, I need for the world to stop be-ing so fucking weak, that my sisters are being swallowed upbefore my eyes

the people who have gone before me are so fucking amazingand beautiful, I dont know how I am supposed to survive

31

18TH OCT 2011

I started therapy

my sister killed herself

I started therapyI still cry several days a week

I started therapy

Im remembering how to be ugly

I started therapy


I dont know how to have a healthy relationship


I just want to burn out


I dont know how long Ill be alive


my mom has stopped eating


everything about this city reminds me of her


my therapist is grieving her cat


I dont know how to talk to my brother


I keep thinking of candyman


I think its easier starting ugly because starting pretty makes fad-ing harder

I hate this weather

I need to go tan

the train to my therapist takes forever even though its only two

stops

Chicago in fall looks like Candyman

I started therapy because my sister killed herself and I want tobecome a woman.


19/24

30

27TH FEB 2011

THE FEAR THAT YOUR

BLEACH BLOND HAIR ISASSIMILATIONIST AND

NOT DISCURSIVE

5TH AUG 2011

You know that thing where your friend is a drag queen andhes worried about going on the train working a hard draglook so to calm him down you take off your shirt so yourejust wearing a vest and a harness that really emphasize thatmaybe your tits belong to someone female-assigned-at-birthand you give everyone on that train hateful stares and starta fight with a bunch of annoying teen boys because afierce

queen, aggro femme dyke, and andro-butch genderqueer allgot your back and you know what, youre in a fuckingfight-ing mood

19

3

Be ugly


20/24

20

21ST DEC 2010

BASICALLY IGREW UP BEING

TOLD I WAS UGLY

21ST MAY 2011

I believe in the power of ugliness

29

5

It is complicated


21/24

28

Im just so bored and so pretty and not white

15TH FEB 2012

21

25TH MAY 2011

I GUESS WHATSSO PUBLICLY

PROVOCATIVE

ABOUT MYCLOTHING IS THAT

IM UGLY,

SINCE MOST IF NOTALL OF WHAT I

WEAR ON A MORE

ATTRACTIVE PERSONDRAWS LITTLE

TO NO NEGATIVE

ATTENTION.


22/24

22

31ST OCT 2011

I LEARNEDNOT TO FEAR

PHYSICAL

UGLINESS ALONG TIME AGO,

AND AM ONLYBEGINNING TOUNDERSTAND

THE POTENTIALOF EMOTIONAL

UGLINESS.27

15TH DEC 2011

Why is it that when white men talk to me they so often feelthe need to say stupid offensive racist shit?

Do they think its cute?

Why do you tell me Im beautiful and then make fun of myparents language? It doesnt sound anything like the noiseyou just made. Stop calling me Polynesian you sound like anidiot and I just told you my ethnicity.

Or that person last night who felt absolutely offended by thefact that a gogo dancer wouldnt want to be touched. Like,youre the one that did wrong in this situation, stop actinglike a victim for being told not to touch.

Im one of the most beautiful creatures you will ever havethe privilege of witnessing, so show some fucking respect.

1ST JAN 2012

M.C. Butterfly

Downfall of all whitekind

Beauty Dragon of the Southwest

Reigning Goddess of Central Timezone

Misandrist fem separatist ladyboy

High glamour low level crystal priestess


23/24

26

THE UNFORTUNATE REALITY THAT MY BODY IS A

POLITICAL SITE AND MY SELF CARE IS A RADICALACTION

17TH JAN 2011

23

BLESSED ARE THE SISSIES

BLESSED ARE THE BOI DYKES

BLESSED ARE THE PEOPLE OF COLOR MY BELOVED KITHAND KIN

BLESSED ARE THE TRANS

BLESSED ARE THE HIGH FEMMES

BLESSED ARE THE SEX WORKERS

BLESSED ARE THE AUTHENTIC

BLESSED ARE THE DIS-IDENTIFIERS

BLESSED ARE THE GENDER ILLUSIONISTS

BLESSED ARE THE NON-NORMATIVEBLESSED ARE THE GENDERQUEERS

BLESSED ARE THE KINKSTERS

BLESSED ARE THE DISABLED

BLESSED ARE THE HOT FAT GIRLS

BLESSED ARE THE WEIRDO-QUEERS

BLESSED IS THE SPECTRUM

BLESSED IS CONSENT

BLESSED IS RESPECT

BLESSED ARE THE BELOVED WHO I DIDNT DESCRIBE, ICOULDNT DESCRIBE, WILL LEARN TO DESCRIBE AND RE-SPECT AND LOVE

AMEN

LITANIES TO MY HEAVENLYBROWN BODY (CONT):

17TH JAN 2011


24/24

24

23RD SEP 2011

sketch for possible 3-dimensional object/gross

25

4

Know beauty

zine call out queen

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