1

6: Inter-Act, 136: Inter-Act, 13thth Edition Edition

RelationshipsRelationshipsRelationshipsRelationships

2

RelationshipRelationship – a set of expectations two people have for their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between them

Good relationshipGood relationship – interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved

3

Abusive relationship Abusive relationship – interactions are physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful

4

Functions of Functions of RelationshipsRelationships

1.1. Constitutive function Constitutive function – Relationships come about through interactions

2.2. Instrumental functionInstrumental function – Communication is a way to “get things done” in the relationship

3.3. Indexical function Indexical function – The “thermometer” of a relationship; measures who is in control, how much partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy in the relationship

5

Describing RelationshipsDescribing Relationships• Relationships vary in intensity

• Impersonal relationship – based on filling a role or

satisfying an immediate need

• Personal relationship – people care about each

other, share large amounts of information with

each other, and meet each other’s interpersonal

needs

• Voluntary, involuntary

• Platonic vs. romantic

6

Types of RelationshipsTypes of Relationships

1.1. Acquaintances Acquaintances – people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited

2.2. FriendsFriends – people with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more personal relationships

3.3. Close friends or intimatesClose friends or intimates – those with whom we share a deep commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and affection

7

Gender DifferencesGender Differences

• Talking• Disclosing personal

history• Sharing personal

feelings

• Joint activities• Doing favors for each

other• Successive tests of

dependability

Women develop close

friendships through:

Men develop close

friendships through:

8

Dimensions of RelationshipsDimensions of Relationships

1. Interdependence

2. Depth

3. Breadth

4. Commitment

5. Understanding and Predictability

6. Communication Coding

7. Sharing Social Networks

As dimensions increase, relationships develop;

as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.

9

Johari WindowJohari Window

Open Blind

Secret Unknown

Known to self

Not knownto self

Known toothers

Not knownto others

V / V, ch.3

Social Penetration TheorySocial Penetration Theory• Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of

relationships, but changes over time.

• The nature and type of self-disclosure change as people become more intimate.

• When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship becomes intimate.

10

11

Self-Disclosure GuidelinesSelf-Disclosure Guidelines• Disclose information that you want others to disclose to

you.• Disclose information appropriate for the type of

relationship.• Disclose intimate information only when it represents an

acceptable risk.• Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb your

disclosure.• Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for ongoing

relationships.• Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is

reciprocated.

Self-Disclosure OnlineSelf-Disclosure Online

12

• Lack of social cues produces ineffective self-disclosure and miscommunication.

• Media Richness Theory: Richer media provide more social cues to reproduce the intended meaning of the message.

Posters Letters Email Texting Facebook Telephone Skype Face-to-Face

Changing RelationshipsChanging Relationships• Relationships move through identifiable

stages.

• Turning points:Events that mark a transition from

one stage to another Lead to greater intimacy or to

deterioration of relationshipHappen at all stages in a

relationship13

14

Relationship StagesRelationship Stages

Beginning

Developing

Sustaining

Declining

15

Beginning RelationshipsBeginning RelationshipsDuring the first stage of a relationship,

communication focuses on:

• Increasing knowledge of the other

• Reducing uncertainty

• Increasing interaction

Predicted Outcome Value TheoryPredicted Outcome Value Theory

• Early in the relationship, we gather information to predict whether the benefits of future interactions will outweigh the costs.

• 3 stages of beginning relationships:EntryPersonalExit

16

17

Developing Developing RelationshipsRelationships

• Increasing disclosure

• Keeping a relationship at a particular level of closeness or intimacy

• Frequent communication

• Emerging interdependence

18

Interpersonal Needs TheoryInterpersonal Needs Theory• Relationship depends on how well each

person meets the interpersonal needs of the other.

• Three basic interpersonal needs:• Affection • Inclusion• Control

19

Exchange TheoryExchange Theory• Relationships understood in terms of

exchange of rewards and costs during interactions

• Cost/Reward ratioRewards – needs metCosts – time and energy spent

developing relationship• Relationships develop and are sustained

when partners choose to meet each other’s needs.

20

Sustaining Sustaining RelationshipsRelationships

• Use pro-social behaviors.

• Observe ceremonial occasions.

• Spend time together as a couple and with mutual friends.

• Communicate frequently.

• Words and actions reassure continuing affection, discretion, trustworthiness.

• Share tasks.

21

Relational DialecticsRelational DialecticsAutonomy/Connection

I need my own space. I want to be close.

Novelty/PredictabilityWe need to do I like the familiar something new. rhythms we have.

Openness/ClosednessI like sharing so There are some much with you. things I don’t want

to talk about.

22

Managing Dialectical Managing Dialectical TensionsTensions

• Temporal selection

• Topical segmentation

• Neutralization

• Reframing

23

Declining RelationshipsDeclining Relationships

The communication in declining relationships is marked by three stages:

• Recognition of dissatisfaction

• Process of repairing or disengaging from relationship

• Ending

24

Relationship Relationship Termination StrategiesTermination Strategies

• Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance –Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance – blaming others, or indirectly failing to take responsibility for ending the relationship (-)

• Direct/Open/HonestDirect/Open/Honest –– clearly, respectfully communicating desire to end relationship, sensitive to resulting emotions (+)

• Relationship Transformation –Relationship Transformation – continuing the relationship on different terms (+)