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Inter-Act, 13Inter-Act, 13thth Edition Edition

Chapter 12Chapter 12ConflictConflict

Chapter 12Chapter 12ConflictConflict

Chapter Objectives2

Describe the six types of interpersonal conflictDiscuss the five communication styles that

people use to manage conflictDescribe how face is negotiated during

conflictsDescribe destructive conflict patterns that

damage relationshipsDiscuss the guidelines for effective conflict

managementDiscuss how to repair relationships that have

been damaged by conflict

Interpersonal Conflict3

A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals

Conflict is:4

Natural

Neither good nor bad

Inevitable

Potentially constructive

Culturally based

Types of Conflict5

Pseudo – conflict that is apparent, not realFact – information one person presents is

disputed by the otherValue – deep-seated beliefs about what is

good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, desirable or undesirable, moral or immoral

Policy – disagreement over a plan, course of action, or behavior

Ego – “winning” is the primary goalMeta – disagreements about how to

disagree

Styles of Managing Conflict6

Withdrawing – physically or psychologically removing oneself from the conflict

Accommodating – satisfying others’ needs while neglecting your own

Forcing – attempting to satisfy your own needs with no concern for the other or harm done to the relationship

Styles of Conflict Management (continued)

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Compromising – attempting to resolve

conflict by mutually agreeing to provide at

least some satisfaction for both parties

Collaborating – trying to solve the problem

by arriving at a solution that meets the

needs and interests of both parties in the

conflict

Conflict Styles8

High concernfor self

Highconcernfor other

Accommodating Collaborating

Compromising

Withdrawing Forcing

Approaches to Conflict9

Win/Lose One party gets satisfaction

Lose/Win The other party gets satisfaction

Lose/Lose Neither party gets satisfaction

Win/Win Both parties feel satisfied

Which approach to conflict management creates a win/win

situation?

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CollaborationCollaboration

Collaborative Problem-Solving11

Define the problem.Analyze the problem.Develop mutually acceptable criteria for

judging solutions.Generate solution alternatives.Select the solution that best meets the

criteria identified.

Face Negotiation12

Face negotiation theory: we prefer conflict styles consistent with our cultural frame

and the resulting face orientations

Western HemisphereWestern Hemisphere Eastern and SouthernEastern and Southern

Individualistic and low context

Self-face orientation: uphold and protect self-image in interactions with others

Collectivist and high context

Other-face orientation: uphold and protect the self-images of partners even at the risk of our own face

Mutual-face orientation: uphold and protect others’ self-images and our own

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Cultural Variations of Face

Destructive Behaviors in Conflicts

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Serial arguing: arguing about the same issueCounterblaming: moves focus away from self

by blaming the other personCross-complaining: trading unrelated

criticisms, leaving the initial issue unresolved

Demand-withdrawal: one partner demands while the other withdraws

Mutual hostility: both partners trade increasingly negative and/or hostile remarks

Guidelines for Conflict Management

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Avoid negative start-ups.Manage anger.De-escalate the conflict:

Identify the trigger.Calm your partner and yourself.Take a break from the conversation. Inject humor (but not at your partner).

Collaborative Conflict Conversation

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1. Mentally rehearse.2. Recognize and state ownership of the

conflict.3. Describe the conflict in terms of behavior,

consequences, and feelings.4. Avoid blaming or ascribing motives.5. Keep it short.6. Be sure the other person understands your

problem.7. Phrase your preferred solution in a way

that focuses on common ground.

Responding to Conflict 17

1. Put your shields up. Listen impartially.2. Respond empathically with genuine

interest and concern.3. Ask questions and paraphrase your

understanding of the problem.4. Seek common ground.5. Ask the initiator to suggest alternative

solutions.

Mediator18

A neutral and impartial guide, structuring an interaction that

enables the conflicting parties to find a mutually acceptable solution

to their problems

Mediating Conflict19

1. Make sure that the people having the conflict agree to work with you.

2. Establish ground rules.3. Probe until you identify the real conflict.4. Remain neutral.5. Keep the discussion focused on the issues

rather than on personalities.6. Work to ensure equal talk time.7. Establish an action plan and follow-up

procedure.

Recovering from Conflict20

Forgiveness: communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done because of a transgression

7 Steps to Forgiveness21

1. Confession2. Venting3. Understanding4. Apology5. Forgive6. Set conditions7. Monitor

The Dark Side of Digital Communication

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Compulsive or excessive Internet useDisable your smartphone’s ability to push e-

mail messages to you. Leave your social media devices behind

when you plan to study. Ask your friends to help you.Seek professional help if necessary.

Inappropriate Self-Disclosure Online

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SIDE Model: Characteristics of social media, such as anonymity, influence online behavior.

Sexting: sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between smartphones via text messaging

Anonymous web-cam conferencing

FlamingFlame wars erupt when friendly and productive digital discussions give way to insults and aggression.

Recommendations:

• Respond privately.

• Ignore the flame.

• Ask an authority to intervene.

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Cyberstalking25

Cyberstalking: repeatedly using social media to stalk or harass others

Cyberbullying: abusive attacks carried out through social media

Homework

Observe and Analyze p373Breaking Destructive Conflict Patterns

Think of a recent conflict you experiences in which a destructive pattern developed. Analyze what happened using the concepts from this chapter. What type of conflict was it? What conflict management style did you adopt? What was the other person’s style? What triggered the pattern of negative reciprocity that developed? How might you change what happened if you could redo this conflict episode?

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