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Executive Editors Misty DunlapSheila Scott

Visual Editor Kalsey Stults

Supporting Cast -

Eric BrandDave ChambJonathan FreRocky HollaZack NaborsJennifer ParrMadilyn PeaBeth ReedLyndsay RigCrystal SprinMarah Vogt

Faculty AdChris Hill

DepartmJeffery Long

DepartmTomi McCut

Departm

Eli Anderson

BeanS

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Curious Aquarium Nighttime Gilt and Crystal at the Louvre Night Sky Dreamscape Blackhole Sun Oil Into the Dark The Companion Tilted, Twisted, and Worn Wonderland Feather Stone Deadly Substance 12:30 Timeless Cover Art

Art Table o Contents Ballet Dancer Memori DePriestMystic Moon Zachariah DicksonNot Ready to Leave Here Cody SpeedTearfall Zachariah DicksonDrops of Jupiter Cody SpeedDistant Places Bring Lonesome Faces Cody Michael WilliamsThe Calling Mary Jean Hall

The Little Things Lauren WhitakerWish Right Now Cody SpeedSadness Zachariah DicksonGaze Alexandra StoverTree Woman Cries Zachariah DicksonDance It All Away Beth CrockerTo be Unmeasured Cody Michael WilliamsWaterland Zachariah DicksonBlooming with Hue Jocelyne BarchetAnother View of the Eiffel Tower Kara KidwellAbstract Painting Lauren SuiterCenter Melanie ONeilWine Bottle Aaron BurksAlone at Last Megan Schwab

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Bal

Wan ed o ry drawin

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2125272932424447495155586171

Literary Table o Contents The Wedding Dance Belinda BarkerThe Visitors Sonny TaylorThese Shoes Belinda BarkerWe Buried a Boy Today Belinda BarkerBenefits Brittney ReedIn God We Trust Ashley Burton

A Sideways Glance Kristin BrooksWonder Lust Rachel HurstColorful Jami MillerThe All Powerful Hairy Hand Jonathan Lucas FrenchThe Question Cody JarmanEphemera Brittney ReedA Modern Pyramus and Thisbe Misty DunlapRotting Teeth Rachel HurstThe Gremlin of All Hallows Eve Eli AndersonShould I Do This? Regan WardThe Shakes Toshya LeonardFamily Photographs Belinda BarkerRoad to Recovery Rocky HollandPlease, Professor Kathleen Alford

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My

Cap uring he eynigh and provokin

wh2

the wedding danceof dreams yet untolda ballerina I am! graceand beauty to behold

a dress of organza

or leather or laceand the joy of completion ripeon my face

my Papa in earnestshowing his prizeand me in his gloryreflecting his eyes

the wedding danceof dreams now tolda woman I am! graceand beauty to behold

Belinda Barker The Wedding Dance

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I thought my little brother was ugly whenannoy me. But, I loved him, and when he wwith his crying, Id always try to help my p

The little girl wrinkles her nose, her pale lserious frown.

I sure hope he dont keep me up all night Im sure youll be able to get plenty of sl

off by the sudden voice booming in the air, rattling from the sound. She lets out a startl

You be good now, she calls as she rushefaster this time.

Nearly an hour later, a painfully long amocomes out and leads her back into a room. Sher tiny legs working overtime to keep up wthe girl lets out a delighted cry of MommyShe half climbs onto the bed, struggling sligcherry scented kiss on the dark haired womher brown eyes locking on the bundle in the

Is that him? she asks curiously, not lookmothers smile.

Thats him, alright. You have a little brotNathan, the mother answers weakly, obviohours of labor.

The little girl hops off the bed and walks sstretching up on her tiptoes to see him bettethe girl stares at the little thing in the bed. Ithead is big, its body is too long, its hands arthat she isnt sure theyre fully formed. As sslowly and then gazes up at her with squintto touch his puffy little hand, wondering whtouches it the spot around her fingers goes awiggles his fingers slightly, barely a twitch,

4

Sonny Taylor The Visitor

Sitting in the hospital waiting room, a little girl swings her legs slowly. Herhands are braced on the semi-soft plastic of the chair cushion as she looks aroundthe sterile, dimly lit room with soft brown eyes. Hospitals are nothing new to thisfour-year-old, though for once shes experiencing the waiting room as a visitor,not a patient soon to be ushered back into a room. Still, the nurses are familiar toher. Her gaze halts its exploration of the off-white walls as the squeaking of shoesreaches her ears. Glancing in that direction, she smiles hesitantly at the womanwalking towards her, a nurse she knows from her countless visits here. Thisnurse, she remembers, is particularly gentle when drawing blood.

Hi! she chimes sweetly, giving the woman a delighted smile, revealing teeththat are just crooked enough to be charming, along with deep dimples. The nursestops by the little girls chair, the squeaking of her typical white shoes coming toan abrupt halt.

Hey, sweetie, she answers warmly, her voice low and soothing. To the littlegirl, she sounds like what a nurse should sound like, comforting, gentle andfriendly. Reaching one calloused hand into the pocket of her hot pink scrubs, shepulls out a prized piece of candy for the girl, a small red lollipop wrapped in clearplastic. Smiling, the girl takes the lollipop and opens it, popping it into her mouthwith a soft lip-smacking sound as she mumbles a polite, thank you. The nurselaughs, reaching out to ruffle the little ones dark curls.

Are you excited about meeting your little brother?Gazing up at the nice womans angular face and pretty green eyes, the little girl

rolls her eyes.Not really. Babies are ugly. But, Momma says I aint gunna thank that when I see

him, she answers honestly, knowing that it isnt right to lie.The nurse laughs, shaking her head slightly. As the tip of her long blond ponytail

brushes against her back, she gives the girl a conspirators grin.

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Three nights later, the little girl stands in tagain. This time, tears streak down her cheearound her pajamas. A Beanie Baby puppy and her chest as she sobs quietly, pleading wtell her whats wrong. She cant understandor why her Momma and Daddy are crying aAs they cart the little boy out of the hospitahelicopter, the little girl rushes after him. Shwatching the massive blades slice through tthe terrible sound. She watches with wide, ttakes her brother away. Then, shes rushed o

Momma and Daddy go to take care of BubbNot a week later, shes sitting in the miniagrandmas living room, clutching the same is still streaked with tears, but shes smilinghis light brown eyes warm and welcoming, chair, and she squeals in protest, informing it. He asks to see her puppy, and she clutchefading. He sighs, his dark skin lacking in a cis enjoying his activity. Brushing his lanky fhair, he crouches down in front of the girl, gthen he asks a round of q uestions that rangedevastating. Finally, shes in tears again, glalonger warm but full of sorrow.

He smoothes over his dark suit nervously,

this tiny whirlwind.My Mommy and Daddy are not mean. Yaway. NOW! Her voice rises with each wocheeks flushed and her eyes nearly black wi

They never hurt us! she adds in a softer before she rushes out.

The man in the suit thanks her grandma foapologizing for upsetting the little girl. The

6

As he closes his tiny little stubs around her slim digit,a delighted smile breaks across her innocent face. Practically glowing withhappiness, she gazes adoringly at the little boy until he closes his eyes again andreleases her finger.

Finally, she looks towards her mother again.Mommy? she quips quietly, not wanting to disturb the baby.Yes?I gunna call him Bubba, she answers, as though this is the most simple, and

highly important, thing in the world.For around six months the little girl goes to school when she has to, but

otherwise she stays home, practically attached to her brothers side. In her mind,the rapidly growing baby is the most precious thing in the world. She doesntmind when he cries. She patiently allows him to pull on her long brown curls. Shegiggles at how much noise he makes when hes happy and how he smiles when hesees her. Life is perfect.

One night, at her grandmas house, Bubba is lying on the couch while Mommagets ready to change his diaper. The girl prances into the kitchen, opening thedoor to the large white refrigerator and looking around in it. Not finding whatshe wants, she shuts the door and heads towards the back porch to ask her Pa ifhe can help. However, before she can cross the distance, she hears an alarmedcry. She rushes towards the sound quickly, hearing her Bubbas wail start up.Before she can get to him, shes scooped up in her Daddys arms and carriedin the opposite direction. Daddy takes her home, without Momma or Bubba,and for hours she paces the house, whining impatiently and demanding to seeher brother. Finally, Momma comes in the door, Bubba in her arms. The littlegirl rushes towards them, rambling on a mile a minute wanting to know whatshappening and why everyones so upset.

Bubby just hit his head, Momma explains quietly, as the strapping baby boyreaches impatiently for his sister, making grabby hands.

Satisfied with this response, and seeing that hes okay, the little girl reachesup and slides her own sun-kissed hand into his chubby paw. Things go back tonormal, for a few days.

against his palm.

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Leavi

Not Ready t

8

similar appearance but no fondness or sympathy for children. This man hadbeen ignored by the little girl during the entire meeting, as shed heard him tellingher grandma that they didnt want her seeing her mother or father.

I think she made it pretty clear, the nicer man says as they take their leave.Days go by, the funeral passing in a blur that she doesnt even want to

remember. She cries almost constantly, wanting her brother back, wanting to seeher parents, wanting to know why God is being so mean. The days turn to monthsbefore shes allowed to live with her parents, only seeing them when supervised.During this time, the only comfort to her is her dreams.

Every night, she experiences the same dream. A soft glowing white lightsurrounds her, and soon enough she isnt alone, but in the company of a beautiful

woman with long blond hair and comforting green eyes. This woman, however,isnt dressed in hot pink scrubs or bringing lollipops. A white dress that seemsto flow and flutter constantly covers her willowy form in a demure fashion, thesleeves falling well past her hands. Large white wings sprout from her back, asource of interest to the girl even though she understands what they mean. Thefeathers ruffle occasionally, in response to some movement or action, creating acomforting sound that soon becomes the little girls new version of her br otherslaugh. And a thin ring of gold hovers above the womans head, glowing with thesame bright white light as everything else in this dreamscape. The woman bringsnews, her voice somehow holding every happy memory the little girl has of herbrother. The news is always the same. Bubba is okay, he is happy; he is withpeople that love him. He is not gone.

As much as the little girl may want to stay in this dream with this woman whoreminds her of happiness, she cannot. Soon enough, life returns to happiness;

though, there are moments of great sorrow. She returns to her parents. She growsup. She never forgets the visitors of her youth: the nurse that told her it waspossible to like her brother; the man in the suit that tried to gain her trust, simplyso he could question her about her parents; and the angel that visited her dreamsto help her find closure. But most importantly, the adorable little boy, who wasthe most amazing Bubba in the world, while he had the time to be, the little boythat changed her life, and left a deep mark on her heart, soul, and family.

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Te

1Represen s he sadness o

10

these shoesnever worn in my youthstiff and unyieldingperched high ontheir lofty placewaiting

these shoesbrought down with halting purposealien and newbeside a dressthe color of mourningwaiting

these shoescreased with maps from my tearsscalloped and hotfallen from downward eyesthat cannot turn awaywaiting

these shoesrediscoveredbroken and plianthidden beneath the silent storiesof my lifewaiting

Belinda Barker These Shoes

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Looking u

Drops

12

we buried a boy todaya beautiful boy

the soundof a mothers silent mourning

the soundof your own childs grief

unimaginable soundsunanswerable questionsunthinkable answers

the soundof each heart rending

joining all the othersdesperate to make senseof the beautiful boys death

the soundof young men in unisontheir cadence crushed and strongsinging the swan song of the boy

the soundof love

we buried a boy todaya beautiful boy

In loving memory of Jacob Cole Nunley (September 22,1993--September 10, 2012)

Belinda Barker We Buried a Boy

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Distant Lone

Using color c viewer can

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You sit across from meand tell me about my retirement options.Even you know this is ridiculous:the tiny giggle bubbles from your lipsat the end of each sentence.You were running lateIm twenty-three.I must make you feel awkward.

You tell me about my new lifeinsurance policy, and I wonder if I diedhow much money my parents would get,if it would be enough for even one roundof my fathers chemo. If it could gathereach hair from his pillow, weave it into somethingother than an empty bank accountand a line of zeros.

My face is pale but unfair, unlined.They call me sweetie on the phone, ask for my superior.The little I command is too much.They want to know where I hide my incompetence.I must keep it in my tiny pocket of years,sewn into the hem of my thrift store skirt.

You push pages across your deskand I sign each one with my namebut also with thank you,with Im sorry,I dont want this,I have no place in my life to put it.

Brittney Reed Benefits

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It all seems the sameJustification for a gameReality for a peaceA color of a painting for which we migThe same God in a different landHolding the same handsLeading people to understandYet you hate and migrateAnd wont seek face ofAnyone who looks differentlyThan youWho speaks with more slurs than you And we sin and say only God can judgLike it is ok to be a slob of whom we tIt all seems the sameJustification for a gameReality for a peaceA color of a painting for which we migWars based on differencesAnd we neglect what is significantFor prized possessions that fade awayAnd say we want a piece of heavenYet dont search for righteousnessOr pray to understand what needs to beThis is a land where people look at youBefore they speak to youAnd ask what you doInstead of asking about youIt all seems the sameJustification for a gameReality for a peaceA color of a painting for which we mig

In Go

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Mary Jean Hall The Calling

Digi al Pho ography Cap uring he beau y o na ure.

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The Lit

DigiBringing aTe litle h

We base our trust in a government we distrustAnd take from the poorKnock if you may on murderers doorAnd we claim that every hard working person is evilWe belittle if they dont meet the standards of everyone elseWe have forgotten about the collective goodAnd only think about selfWe say AmenAlthough we dont agreeWe get on our knees to do everything but praySo I sayIt all seems the sameJustification for a gameReality for a peaceA color of a painting for which we might be

18

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A SidewBeth quietly retrieved her coffee from the

retreated to a corner seat in the back of the scaf. She couldnt help but enjoy the warm the bold orange blinds, seemed to be drawnfound themselves in the bottom of the clutteShe seemed to be surrounded by warmth: thcounter who had smiled, as she had unknow

change; the rays of sun passing through the sideways glance of the handsome young gensipping, on what appeared to be a latte, coveentry in the never-ending lists of her mind wor logged mentally, before. She found herseone who usually melted, unnoticed into the

The man reminded her of Steven, her ex, wfew months before. She had fallen in love whad been together, had been wonderful. Betwho never said much, and was always in thethe uncanny ability of making her forget aband could draw her out of herself enough, thfinally learned to trust him, and had started

just as her world had come crashing down.

kitchen table, in the apartment that they shahe had met someone else. He left shortly aftsince. This had propelled her back deeper, iself-consciousness, and withdrawal.

Seeing this man, Beth thought to herself, ta new beginning, a second chance at a life wbreath as the man smiled, rose to his feet, antable. Her heart fluttered, as his shiny black

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Cody Speed Wish Right Now

Acrylic on Canvas20 x 16

Saying goodbye o all your dreams and wishing or a reprieve.

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S

2Emo ions are mean

22

once been a cup of coffee strewn along the floor that had carelessly andinefficiently been cleaned up. Her mind flew to the possibilities of what he mightsay to her, and what she could possibly say that would keep him from running inthe opposite direction. She always had been able to say just the wr ong thing thatwould cause a guy to quickly excuse himself, from her presence, but maybe shehad learned enough from Steven, to keep this guy from bolting.

He grew closer and closer, and time seemed to pass slower and slower. Timewas jolted into what seemed an endless Hades, as he passed by her and reachedfor the decorative handle of the exit door, she had unknowingly placed herselfbeside, as she felt her hopes diminish and her dream for a normal life disappear,along with the handsome stranger, around the bustling street corner.

had

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I want to take this worldAnd crack it within these trembling haI want to take itAnd press its fractures to my lipsSo that I can drink deeply of itsWonders and secrets.

Won

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Alexandra Stover Gaze

Wa ercolor (landscape) Acrylic (charac ers) on Canvas18 x 24

Puting my original charac ers in heir na uralenvironmen or he frs ime.

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BluViolet p

RelMea

ReleasAnd

Whisper you are mAnd I

C

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Zachariah Dickson Tree Woman Cries

Graphic Design2264 x 3046 pixels

Even when he world around you is beau i ul, i does no make up hegrie wi hin onesel .

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The All Powerf

He was lying there in the rank smell of urin the back of a pickup too long on a hot dahis ankles it was almost surreal seeing him twhere my family knelt and prayed, sang andeyes wide open, stuck, frozen in time, his facement floor. It was so much to take in, stamove nor make a sound. I just stood and stpeople I knew to be good, dancing and celebsanctuary above.

It was Willard, the retarded boy, who didndidnt know. He was Mrs. Dowdys grandschurch service I ever been to. His beard wabe groomed, due to his erratic violent moveand my family, and I would peer at him andas he moved his head as if flies were all aboearly age, with yellow and black teeth that weyes that seemed to look beyond this world admired his blood vessels that ran wild, stanon a map. I admired his strength for throwto place hands on him. He was almost a suNow he was beneath me, dead in a puddle oabove unbeknownst to his new form.

A hand was placed on my shoulder, cominlike it was a hand of God himself. It was Bholding me, reassuring me. Standing there

Dear Lord, what in the world was he doime close, my elbow at his waist.

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Beth Crocker Dance It All Away

Permanen Marker and Sharpie9 x 12

Expressing joy, you h, and reedom in he use o hefgure and he colors.

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To be U

Using color c viewer ca

30

Staring at Willard, it was a thought, his words, though none of real reason. Iwas young and knew not a lot, but I knew it wasnt what Willard was doing, ratherwhat had been done to him. With tears in my eyes waiting to fall, my body tensedup with every movement of Brother Ricks big hairy hand, working its way up myneck, as I looked at the last of my mindless super hero. I thought I was special. Ithought I was the only one. I thought if I couldve been Willard, I wouldve beenstrong enough, mindless enough, to fight back; I wasnt, and neither was he.

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W

Showing he fuidi yo change

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This is not a poemnor is it a short story

nor a playnor a dance, painting, or sculpture

It is present merely to raise the questionJust like you or I

The universe is wideit is an eternally silent plane

but if a being gives a voice to the voidis that not meaning enough?

Cody Jarman The Question

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D

Showing an angle

Looking up the

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Jocelyne Barchet

Acrylic Pain18 x 24

Showing a ull spec rum o color cen ered on fowers.

Blooming with Hue

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Cap urin

C

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Lauren Suiter

Acrylic on Canvas11 x 14

An abs rac piece ha con ains no recognizable orms ye depic s an overall happy mood.

Abstract Painting

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Endeavor

Alo

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Aaron Burks

Charcoal on Paper18 x 24

A s udy o s ill li e wi h ligh , shadow and one.

Wine Bottle

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Showing

Ni

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Jocelyne Barchet

Pas els

11 x 14Represen ing he curiosi y o a young persons mind.(No ice he child in he botom-le corner.)

Curious Aquarium

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D

Showing

Gilt and Crysta

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Brittney Reed Ephemera

I find my pleasure in cheap things meant to be taken offlike the leopard-print slip that slidesover the cleft between thighswith a purring, symphony of zippers

meant to be thrown awaythe books never made for top billing on any shelfpaperbacks born to die kicked under bedspages still sticky with cherry soda and lust

to be tossed asidethe thin edge of night and morningwhen another cigarette forever is never the lastand the car tires binge-eat asphaltlike theyre looking for love at the bottom of the cookie jar

made cheap and easythe lucky can buy happiness from gumball machines,find it in lipstick, unicorn pinkglitter stickers on early 90s trapper keepers

both trashy and inanearraying selves in junk,building lives out of cast-offs from the bottom of the drawer,lighting blonde Jesus candles while radio starlets gyrateon tarnished silver screens

They wouldnt call it tacky if it didnt stick in your heart.

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R

Night Sky

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Misty Dunlap A Modern Pyramus and Thisbe

I am having a love affair between the walls

knock once for are you thereknock twice with a long pause in between for I want to kiss youknock three times for reassurance that everything will be okay

we will not wake up in ten years to find we still have nottaken that road trip or won a Nobel Prize

we sleep as close as we can to our shared wallbacks pressed, ribs uncurleda knuckle running against the eggshell white paintas if the color was the soft crook of an elbow

whisper all your fears, regrets, plans, likes

I will keep an empty tumbler on my windowsillready to listen

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RottHis fingers sailed across the decaying teet

gave in to his touch hesitantly, and whisperethe moonlight. Melodies soared into the nigslow exhale. Around him the world hushedmovement of the wind called. All the soundof him and the long forgotten instrument. Tthe show of his hands gentle play.

Sour wood permeated the air and foliage sthe ruts and scars marred along the keys maand those along the delicate lining of her he

just as the girl with shaking hands was to thunyielding chord struck him, just as the harits quiet beauty, abuse had left its scoring mbroken for nature to take back into its bosombeckon its beautiful language. Its love cast abeloved had been. No, neither the piano norhad for those that touched them before. But

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Zach Johnson

Charcoal on Drawing Paper

9 x 12Realizing an idea.

Blackhole Sun

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The Gremlin of A

I tell you now of a beast of oldWho walked the earth with courage bolListen close with fervid earAnd lean in close so you may hear.He walked these hills, these plains, thesAnd even terrorized our neighborhoodsHis figure is ghastly, his spirit youll feAnd his presence alone will make growHis long lanky limbs leave no print in tAnd he is ghoulishly misshapen for lacHe prowls the night with malice entailAnd he uses the land for his shadowy vHis hair hangs long from all four limbsAnd cursed be the soul that catches a gHis long ivory claws stay sharp from usAnd from them he learned to deal man His large sunken eyes can be spotted atTheyve been known to emit a ghoulishDo not be fooled, he is no boorish bruteHis mind is as sharp as yours and mineHe is often seen tracing the waters edg

And is occasionally spotted peering froWe know not where he next will creepBut we know that he can never sleep.

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Alexandra Stover Oil

Oil on CanvasBeing s riking and complemen ary o he colors wi hin he pain ing

while remaining loose.

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ShouldShould I do this? What if Im gonna regre

gradually beginning to sizzle under the scruhis attention, away from deep thoughts, witbrings goose bumps to every inch of his skiincredibly confused but also absolutely sureas the small bits of pollen around her face rstrands of pumpernickel-colored hair slide eand strong jaw line, as she tilts her closed e

What? she says.What what?Youre staring at me. You cant hide it froSo, you can just sense that now or sometYeah, pretty much. Ever since high schooAh, yes, Arlington High. How you lovedOh, hush. Its not like you were having thI started to, senior year.Now youre just sucking up.No really. Just like right then; your gigglWerent you just blessed the only seat opNah, first thing that came to mind was, EDont even pretend. I knew what you we

year.Youre weird.Youre the one staring.True.So?Its nothing. You just look relaxed is all.Wow.

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Cody Speed

Pen and Ink 8 x 11

Facing he darkness and pain is always beter wi h a riend.

Into the Dark

H h?

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You are a jerk.What?You do not ask a girl to marry you as a p

mornin after.Sorry, I didnt think it would bother you.It didnt.Liar.Hey, I do have a real question for you, thWhats that?Wanna propose to me?I just did.

52

Huh?You suck at lying, even with my eyes closed.I thought you were sleeping, so I was going to play a prank on you.Really? What prank was that?No, Ill just save it for later, he says.You werent going to play a prank.You can wipe that little smirk off your face, smart butt. I did have a prank.Then do it. I still have my eyes closed, dont I?You wont like it.Isnt that the point of a prank?Not my prank.Then why dont you do it?Maybe, I will.Youre too careful about things. You need to buck up, Mister.You pick on me now, but wouldnt you want any boy to be careful with you?Im not pickin too bad. And, of course I would, but youre different.You dont want me to be careful?No, you just arent anywhere near normal.Arent we just a pair then?I dont want you to feel like you have to be. I mean, come on, weve known each

other for about seven years now, right? If I havent decided by now that I hateyour guts, when will I ever?

True.Seriously, John, Im only kidding. What is it? You looked like you were about to

be sick but just now you look like you could up and kiss that frog sitting by thathalf-sunk log over there. What is up with you today?

I just wanted to ask you something.And thats your prank orYeah, kind of.So, what is it?Youre kinda cute, you know that?Do what now?Will you marry me?

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TheAll of the fine ChinaHas been put awaySince the fateful hourGrandpa got the shakes. Grandma took out the TVAnd the garbage too,But judging by her expression,It didnt do much good. There Grandpa sits talkingTo all of no audience,And all the doctors can prescribeIs a dose of plenty patience. As Grandmas wrinkles grow,Grandpas condition stays the same.The pills; the drugs; the war; the Man;Those are who to blame. He can remember the pastAs clear as the blue sky,And all Grandma can doIs sit back in her rocker and cry. Grandpa hasnt been his bestSince April of 1965.Grandma is out of mind,But at the same, still alive.

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Diane Shaw

Acrylic on Paper14 x 21

Signi ying he universal behavior patern or hose who have he abili y o be a loyalcompanion wi hou he need o be sel -serving.

The Companion

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Cap uring he early m

Tilted, TwistGrandpa talks about the bombsAnd when the missiles flew,But ask him about the kids,And he doesnt have a clue. He still yells into his pillowAnd cannot help but weep.Its probably been a thousand nightsSince Grandmas gotten any sleep. Its not that she doesnt care;Its that she cares too much.No offense to God,But her prayers havent had luck.Grandma just wants company,For she cant drink coffee alone,But it would be just as easyTo send Grandpa off to the home. Grandma understands that ageIs a force that you cant fight,And with it comes rage,Which Grandpa fights every night. Grandma still claimsThat Grandpas love is there.Even if they are crazy together,Its a love that they still share. All of the fine ChinaIs still put away,But Grandma remainsWith Grandpa and his shakes. 56

F il Ph h

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Giving he view

Wo

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Belinda Barker Family Photographs

heart falling firstmind scrambling behindsearching for a holdto recapture the snapshotbefore this flash in time

family photographs

never takenforgotten to be forgotten

in the space not yet awake and not yet sleeping even there and even then

they awake in dreamsof muscles reenacting the slow motionsplummeting down into the darkest r oomwhere a stopped heart must remember how to beatand a body so plagued with wearinessleaves a spirit whose brokenness is its only beauty

family photographsnever displayed

forgotten to be forgotten

R dF h S

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Road tRussell Russo was a compulsive gambler.

it. Russell needed to feel the exciting rush oto feel the high of premium heroin. Lady Luuntrustworthy, and ready to strike at any mofor half a year. It had been six months sincebill went unpaid and his last relative had cut

Russell had stopped at Daves Gas and Grappeared to be only one clerk working behithe end of a long line of rush hour customerthe customers were becoming agitated. Ruswaited, and his eyes came to a flashy purplestate lottery. There was a new scratch off gasign informed him, that he could win twentylife. He imagined what it would be like to hinto work the next day and telling his boss tand spend the rest of his days relaxing. He toff all his loans, the student loans, as well a

it all, for just the minor, tiny, insignificant, sout of pocket.Next! the store clerk said, waking RussePump number three, pack of Marlboro L

Russell told himself not to feel guilty. It was

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Cody Speed

Clay/Me al/Fea hers19 x 22

Te higher and brigh er he ea hers, he closer o he spiri s you are.Infuenced by A rican masks.

Feather Stone

Thirty minutes later Russell heard himselftowards college scholarships and new roads All he had done was donate fivewent

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Thirty minutes later Russell heard himselfround and then Im done. Fifteen minutes Ive got to go. Finally, the rush started to wRussells conscience had caught up with himclose to two hundred dollars, including the mhad won.

Russell sat in his Nissan Civic staring at athree children. He kept a photograph of his motivation. It had done him no good, todaytell his wife where the two hundred dollars at the kitchen table, and telling her; which, wconversation that was sure to come after. Hedisappointment in her eyes, the worst part ohed had to deal with, time and time again ina new one. Hed have to tell his three sons, ballpark this weekend. It would have been hlive major league game.

It wasnt unusual for Russell to work late,about over-time, during the busy season. Hecoming home late. The lie seemed insignifibe telling her, later that night. His hope wasfirst, and stay out just long enough to return

He stopped at his usual drinking spot, Tesloosened his tie, took a seat on a small br owpoker machine, three stools down from him

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towards college scholarships and new roads. All he had done was donate fivedollars to a good cause. This was not a big deal.

Russell took a quarter from his pocket and began to scratch the lottery ticket.He absolutely hated scratching tickets one play at a time; he always scratched theentire ticket all at once and looked for the winning numbers after. Russells heartdropped to his stomach, as he saw a flaming twenty-five appear. He looked acrossto the prizes: free ticket. Russell was glad he wasnt walking away empty handed.It was like he had gotten two tickets for the price of one, which made the fivedollar investment, worth it in his mind.

He scratched ticket number two. That one was a bust. Russell discarded theticket into the trash. He started to walk out of the convenience store, whilethinking: If the odds are one in three, then one of the next two tickets could possibly have a cash prize, right ? Russell busted on the next two tickets he purchased.Thinking that the roll of tickets was bound to pay off at some point, now morethan ever, he bought two more.

Hot damn! Russell said, as he finally hit fifteen dollars.Would you like to keep playing or do you want the cash? the clerk asked him.Russell heard his next words, as if he were having an out of body experience. His

conscience was screaming at him from some far off distant land, but it was toolate; the warning had fallen upon deaf ears, and he lost complete control. I wanta Lucky Horseshoe, Outstanding Aces, Quick $50, 10x The Money, Bingo, CoolDice, Platinum Diamonds, Cent of Cash, Dazzling 7s, Flaming Cherries, Hot Slotsand Crazy Eights.

Anything else? the clerk asked, indifferently.A one dollar quick pick for the Cash 4 evening drawing, any order. Russell

placed his Cash 4 ticket in his wallet, took a seat at the small table in the back ofthe store and began to scratch.

went

Tessa placed her hand on his shoulder, andWhat the hell, he said. He fed the machine a dollar and b egan to play. He didnt

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Tessa placed her hand on his shoulder, andhuman. You put your pants on, one leg at a anything I can do, to help? Would you like m

Can you lend me two hundred dollars? Ranything, to hit people up for money to covestopped him from doing it. His pride never mfelt from not being able to conceal what he

Do I really need to answer that? Tessa sshed intended. You know I promised, not

I know. you, and everyone else who mattTessa stepped behind the bar and prepared

of rum, but only charging him regular pricewatched the broken gambler play video poksomething to help him. An idea popped intonapkin and pen. She jotted down a name anof Russell.

Whats this? he asked.Ill make a long story short, she began.

in here, a little over a thousand dollars, andnever came back to pay it. I told him Id invsettle it for five hundred. I was supposed to

work tonight; you do it, and you can keep twTessa, no, IYoud be doing me a great favor, Russell

This isnt me enabling you; this is me payinI dont know what to say. I promise Ill r

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get the same kind of rush playing the video poker machine, as he got playing thescratch cards; the machine didnt pay out in anything but points, and if you werelucky, your name on the high score screen.

Looks like someones off the wagon, said Tessa, as she sat down onto the stoolnext to him.

I dont really want to talk about it, Tess, he replied.Russell and Renee had gone to college with Tessa. He and Tessa had even dated

briefly. Renee had been Tessas roommate, which, was how Russell had initiallybeen introduced to her. Tessa had kept in touch with them since graduation

and remained a close friend of the family. It was in college that Russell firstdiscovered the joys and sorrows of his gambling addiction. He had taken upsports betting, and it had gotten serious, when hed lost a substantial amount ofhis student loan. Luckily, Tessa had taken pity on him, and leant him the money,that allowed him to pay for the expenses of his final semester. Now, all theseyears later, when things went wrong he still went to her and spilled his woes overa cold drink. Tessa was a very caring person, his best friend.

How much are you out? she asked.Two, he said, staring at the video poker game.Thats not so bad, Russ. At least, its not like your trip to Reno.Tell that to Renee, Russell said, as he put another dollar into the machine.

Shes very understanding, Russell. You know that. Youre sick, and youve beenworking hard, to overcome this thing. No ones going to fault you, for a smallrelapse, this soon.

Its been six months, Tess, Russell said, looking at her now. Christ, I wassupposed to take my boys to the game tomorrow, and now I have to tell them, wecant go, because their daddys a screw up. I picked a hell of a week to relapse.Russell had tears and frustration in his eyes.

Brian snickered at Russell and began to laJust promise me youll stick with the therapy, Russell. You can beat this thing.

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galways wear a suit and tie to work?

When its appropriate, Russell said, feelSo, were you supposed to come over her

money, Mr. Floor Bouncer?Just what was agreed on. Russell was ge

He thought once or twice of turning aroundBrian would just shut up and give him the m

So, youre here to rough me up, for whatGood God ! Russell thought to himself. TLook, Im just here to pick up the five hu

trouble.Brian stepped closer to Russell, chest to ch

sizing him up. Russell tried to look away anpunched in the face.

Wait here, Brian said and went back intoThank you, Russell muttered under his

ground, with a broken nose.Brain returned to the door, holding a Moss

with pistol grip across his chest. I dont knto pull, but you can tell her, if she wants the

Now, get the hell off my porch.Russell hadnt even waited for Brain to fin

turned around, and sprinted back to his car. between himself and the house, he pulcontrol. He thought for a second, he might

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p y py, gI know you can. You take your boys to the baseball game and have a great time.Remember, theyre depending on you to get well.

Russell thanked her and hurried to his car. Once again hed been in a bind andTessa had bailed him out. But he really would pay her back this time, and he wasmore determined than ever, to control his vice. This time, hed let his addictionhurt not only him and Renee, but his boys. Russell truly believed he could bebetter than that. He was going to do right by his family and was going to do rightby his overly generous friend.

His car came to a stop, in the driveway of 566 Memorial Street. He glanced atthe picture of his family on the dash, as he pulled the napkin from his pocket.The guys name was Brian. Russell walked across a gravel driveway, to a whitetwo-story house with a long wooden porch on the front of it. He thought it was agorgeous place; had a well-kept lawn, two car garage, garden, and a porch swing.It was a nice little slice of the American dream; like something out of a magazine.

He rang the doorbell, and a short moment later it was answered by a large, gruff,unshaven man wearing a polo shirt and khaki shorts. The man had anger in hiseyes, and Russell wondered for a second if this had been a good idea. Brian wasbuilt like a professional football player, and Russell could smell whiskey on hisbreath.

Who the hell are you? Brian asked.

Im auhcoworker of Tessas. She sent me to pick up the money.You work for Tessa? Brian asked, looking Russell up and down.Thats right.How come Ive never seen you in there before?Just started; got hired on as a floor b ouncer, Russell said, hoping to end this

encounter quickly.

Russell thought of his family. He thought the adrenalin started to wear off, he caught his breath and calmed his nerves.as

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boys and the game tomorrow. He pictured Tsad pitiful look on her face, and the offer to the people who meant something to him, turstore.

The next day, he would give Tessa one thocome to his senses, and decided to settle thito the ballpark and put the remaining two huand souvenirs. On Tuesday night, the next wanonymous group therapy session, discuss honce again, on the long road to recovery.

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Russell looked at the picture of his family and slammed his fists onto the steeringwheel. He was back to square one. He was going to have to go home, and tell hiswife, hed lost the money, and tell his boys, that theyd be watching the game inthe living room on the flat screen. And now, hed messed things up for Tessa, aswell. Russell decided to head home, and get it over with.

He started the car and turned the volume up on the radio, to try and concentrateon something, other than what he was about to face. He caught the tail end ofsome new rock song, and as it faded out, the DJ announced, Up next, well havetonights winning lottery numbers. Russell suddenly remembered the Cash 4ticket hed purchased earlier and quickly dug it out of his wallet. He listened asthe DJ read through the Powerball and Cash 3 drawings.

Now for your Cash 4 evening drawing, the numbers are: Three, four, three, andthree.

Russell looked at the ticket, and his adrenaline was suddenly pumping, as it hadwhen the crazy man had been threatening him, with a shotgun. Lady Luck hadstung him, and he could feel the poison entering his veins. The numbers on Russells ticketread: 3; 3; 4; and 3. Russell tried to remember the jackpot for three identical digits, in anyorder.

He pulled into the closest gas station, and asked the clerk to tell him what histicket paid out. She ran his ticket through the lotto machine, and on the electronic

display appeared: WINNER! $1,200! Russell couldnt believe it. As the clerk handedhim back his ticket, he found himself, once again tempted by the scratch-offs. Hehad extra cash now, more than enough for a couple of go-rounds; perhaps, a quicktrip to the casino, instead.

D dl S b t

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A s udy

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Jocelyne Barchet

Charcoal18 x 24

Looking hrough he eyes o he ar is while ske ching.

Deadly Substance

My hand is cramped, my eyes have croPlease Professor

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y p , y yMy foots asleep and Im plumb lost,Oh please, oh please, oh please dear proLet us have just an hour off,Please, professor, please shut up.

Please professor, dont be sad,And please dont let us make you mad,Its not that we dont care we do!We just need some time to renew,So please, professor, just please shut u

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Kathleen Alford Please, Professor

Oh please, professor, please shut up,My head, my brain is stuffed, full up,I know I need to pay attention,But my minds gone past all redemption,So please, professor, please shut up.

Its not that I dont want to learn,Its not that this class I spurn,Its just that Ive my focus lost,And I know not listening will cost,So please, professor, please shut up.

I hear you speak, but nothing stays,I know my eyes have got that glaze,Im sorry I dont seem to care,About the things youve got to share,But please, professor, please shut up.

Cut class short, just this once,I feel like such a royal dunce,The others seem to feel the same,Heads ducked low in tired shame,Oh please, professor, please shut up.

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