Business Analysts’S Survival Guide to the Middle East

From the nearly extinct….*^%$ Panda

Based on my experiences on having worked in Dubai from 2008-09 as individual consultant.

Golden Rule 1: Camouflage and in this case “suit up” Barney Stinson of HIMYM has the

copyrights. Looks are deceptive but out here it counts.The only way you can get the Business Users to take you seriously.

Yea..Yea..I know U are Young..Ruthless..Innovative..blah..blah..But take my words..It’s not the Jungle you know..Don’t be in a hurry to show off your true colors.

Being

Pays..

The only place on earth where saying “How do I know” is second skin. So here is the secret to survival..

Every time you hear this..Breathe In and Out..slowly..count 10 and then open your mouth..

Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.

- Sun Tzu

Golden Rule 2: Sensei Sun Tzu said it all..Practice Practice Practice.. Till you perfect this look… So Mr. BA par

excellence..dont forget the Puss in the boots in you..

Golden Rule 3: BA Gyaan passed on from last of celestial beings..**Some say it’s copied right out of the BAVedas and others say it was carved on broken part of the nose of the Sphinx..Once lost but

revealed again…

You would wish you had this poster on your forehead while meeting your stakeholders

All forms of Amnesia is rampant out here…especially selective amnesia.. The only weapon you have is your only trusted friend MOM..

Golden Rule 4: Shoot off MOMs immediately and get agreement

Out here..Projects…Life…Planets…they all love the circular paths

Golden Rule 5: The are no straight lines in nature or life..or PROJECTS Don’t be disheartened when you have to revisit all that you have done and

start over again

Copyrights with Leo and Mozart

http://www.artbusiness.com/signart.html

What’s a piece of art without a signature !!!Golden Rule 6: Every document you create here is a piece of art..

Print..Bind..and get it signed.Each time you go to someone and ask him to sign it, it will sound like “Will you please put your neck in the noose

for me ??” but just ignore those sounds..devil loves to play with a BAs brain

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours and during public holidays

The Ricky Gervais Way…

Copyrights with Ricky http://tombammann.org/office-skills

Golden Rule 7: The Show-Man rule. The spot-lights never go off from you

Golden Rule 9: Always remember. This jungle believes in the Wisdom of the crowds.

A wise Client out here once asked, “Mr. BA, which is the only correct way of decision making?”o Consensuso Majority Ruleo Minority Ruleo Averagingo Experto Authority Rule without discussiono Authority Rule with discussion

But always keep this picture in your mind..no matter what you hear from any one..

• Who is going to drive it??Beware… territories are clearly maked. You risk the wrath of other BAs if you overdeliver

• Is this the approved template??Even if they do not make sense, follow it

• Is this approved??Once approved, the document becomes sacrosanct

• Does X approve of it??It’s a political powerkeg. Personalities run the show. So tread carefully and avoid sparks..

Frustratingly Annoying Questions??

Frame your answers for these questions..you will face these too often

And finally

The BA Anthem..

If you can Visualize Requirements when all about you,Are simply vague and looking up to you,If you can dig out MOMs when all men doubt you,But make allowance for their doubting too;……………And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:If you can innovate - and not make guidelines your master,If you can Analyze - and not make analysis your aim;If you can meet with Deadlines and PerfectionAnd treat those two imposters just the same;…….If you can bear to hear the requirements you've recorded,Twisted by Dev team to make a trap for fools,Or watch the Wireframe you gave your weekend to, rejected,And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:…….If you can make one heap of all your EgoAnd risk it all on one presentation,And lose, and start again at your beginningsAnd never breath a word about your loss;

If you can talk with End-Users and keep your vision,Or walk with Sponsors - nor lose the gory details,If neither Off-shores nor Geo’s can hurt you,If all men count with you, but none too much;If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And - which is more - you'll be a true BA, my son!

In the name of Rudyard Kipling (Panda the survivor..)

IF you wish to

survive…

the BA anthem..

Surviving is not enough.. More on this latter..

Hope you had a good time reading this..

Criticisms welcome Sarbashrestha PandaSarbashrestha_panda@mindtree.com