A Hobo Story

I had always known the pen would save me. I had always known. Since I was born, I had always known

(Sounds of shackled and chains)

Juarez, Bideaux, Cheney, (Calls off names in background)

My name is Calamity

(Cries, falling buildings, the earth is torn open)

Miller, Todd, Pascarello...

(Gunshots, scattering crowds, bulletfire, swords, rush of mobs and sounds of revolution)

There were the fightin' days. They meant somethin'. We were all together. No food in our bellies,but a great cause in our heart. (Sounds of reunion, gathered friends, clinking)

Victory. We didn't gain much ground and still had to watch out for the thugs. The boys had a system. Any one of the girls would hide us out. And yeah, they were more than willin'. We'd taken backthe corner of out city. The free thinkers, beatniks, liberators, anarchists, crooks, dopeheads,bohemians, sword swallowers, cowboys, thug rustlers, heavyweights, boxers, pushers, pullers, pimps, tranny's, punx, bi's, gay's, whatever you could imagine ad infinitum. Nothin' stale but thebread. It was the perfect place for the dejected and the lost and we had the Glory. We had nothin' to lose.Each of us had some crazy story. Some tale of a runaway that just didn't fit in anywhere. But we loved this place.We fought for it. We died for it.

(Hobo Ghosts in white come out) They sing:We died for itWe died for itAnd we really really really really CRIED for it.

We died for itWe died for itAn introduction is in lineWe have TIME for it.

Bacon:Well Hooowwww deeee folks! (pause)My name is Bacon. And these are my pals (shows his hands). Ham and Eggs.

Cliff: Uhhh hey y'all. Name's Cliff. I aint got much to say but uh, just here to let you know that there ARE boxcars in heaven.

Monkeywrench: Name's Moneywrench. I can fix anything that runs. I can fix anything that's fixed. Can't fix a shoot. No, not after beans.

All three, here referred to as The Gang:Bein that we're all dead!

ALL DEAD

Cliff: And some still shackled (Cliff shifts his feet, showing a ball and chain on each foot)

Bacon: We've got to let you all in on the point of this production

Monkeywrench: Yeah, what is it?

The Gang: THE WHOLE DAMN POINT OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING IS....(Calamity's monolgue, which will heretofore be referred to as Mono, comes in)

Mono: Yeah those boys really could go on. Shoulda seen 'em. Takes a certain amount of dumb to fight for a cause. And that's exactly what they were.

Bacon: (stares at his hands and says, slowly) Ham.... and... Eggggssss (almost like a question)

Cliff: (most ghostly) What are you all doin out there anyway? Must be Calmity's doin. Kid. He was just a kid. Life of trouble. Life of trouble.

Mono: Yeah, Cliff had a way of goin on. Only one way to shut him up. That was when I'd play a song. So, you'll be hearin' a few. Here's my favorite. Feel free to be real quiet and attentive. You're bein graded. And it aint by me.

Calamity appears on stage with resonator guitar. Sings.When I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a bo

Didn't have no permitsDidn't have no doughDidn't need no ladyWhen I was a bo

When I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a bo

Only had a guitarNo callouses to showDidn't do no workin'When I was a bo

When I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a boWhen I was a bo

Mono: They were sweet days of beans. But they came to an end. Why else would you write a story? My adventurin took me to other places than the rails. I found myself behind bars, locked in, locked up, in and outside of ambulances. Danger was my name. Trouble come quick. After the chain gang I turned my life around. Found ShortStoryVille. Found Ezmee. Yeah, Ezmee.

(Ezmee enters the stage with a bonnet. She's not wearing much. She's working as a waitress. There are not many garments about her)

Ezmee: Prick. Cut me off. Prick..... Shootttt... I can't get this pissed no mo'. I can't. Why d'I get so pissed. Hey... HEY... CCCAAALAAAAMMMIIITTTYYY!

Mono: She was kind of a sweetheart. A halway rose. The thorn part. She was more dirty than sweet. She had a kick. She could cook. Kickin and cookin. That's all she did. And, like I said, she didn't wear too much clothes.

Ezmee: (Yeah, I mean, she's just really not wearing much) This godforsaken place... EGGSSS AND BISCUITS UPPPP (rings bell)

Mono: She worked at the Panty Shanty. That's right. That's where we all met up to plan the raids on the Iron Horse Junior Mafioso Clandiggers. Yeah... kinda long, I know... but boy, they sure meant business.Ezmee: Get me a coffee. No sugar. But bring me some pie. Pete, I'm takin' my break. I gotta finish my book.Mono: She was readin' Emma Goldman. It was all she cared about. She didn't even wash sometimes. She was readin' that or somethin' on the Wobblies.Ezmee: Puritianism, in whatever expression, is a poisonous germ. On the surface everything may loook strong and vigorous; yet the poison works it's way persistently, until the entire fabric is doomed.Mono: Me, I didn't know much about Puritanism, but I knew all about Poison.

Cal: (appearing on stage) Ezmee, I'm dyin here.Ezmee: Don't care babe. I'm on my break.Cal: C'monEzmee: NO! Do somethin' else. Play that guitar, have some coffee..... Wait, forget all that. Don't you remember why you're here? Don't you remember about the um.... the um.... Ironn Horrss.....The Gang: THE IRON HORSE JUNIOR MAFIOSO CLANDIGGERS!Ezmee: Did you hear somethin'?Cal: Shoot. I just played. And me n' Monkeywrench switched the railcars last night. A whole shipment of guns and Bibles and contraceptives gone! It's time for celebration.Ezmee: Here (hands him the bottle) A dram! A dram! That's it.Cal: Well, now I'll sing.Sittin hereSittin hereSittin hereSittin here....Ezme: Nevermind. Don't play.Mono: She was good for me. But I was bad for me. And when you're bad for you, you're just bad. Yeah, I was bad. We're not gonna get into that.Bacon: DEAD (C)Cliff: DEAD (G)Mac: DEAD (Em)

(aside)Bacon: Hey guys, what is it you miss about the world?Cliff: Nuthin'.Mac: Everything. How 'bout you?

Bacon: Ham and Eggs (Cliff has tied up his hands)Mac:I just miss robbin' trains. Just comin' up alongside with my horse, breakin' the lock, bandana on and everything.

Cal:'Til you hit the mail pole (ding noise)Mac: Yeah, that always was a doozy. Worth it, I think.Bacon: Hey Mac, ain that what took you out?Mac: Yeah, but I blame Calamity.Cal: Hey don't you say nothin' bad 'bout Calamity. He turned it around. Promised he'd get these shackles off me too.Bacon: Ha, you sap. Those aint never comin' off. Less he gets the key in the Penny Lock like the old sage told him. What the hell does that mean anyway?Mac: Got me.Cal: Me tooBacon: How'd that story go anyway?Cal: We was ridin' one night durin' the Big Gale.(Thunder, cries, Train Noises, Machine Noises)Mac: Right outside the warehouse...(Thunder, Downpour, Cries, Shackles)Cal: Esme and all of us were gonna sabotage the fences. Turn off the electric, but just as she opened the door.VOG: Hollllld itEsme: (scared, soaking wet, dressed like French actress)

Who's there?

Mac: Some boomin' from the trees or the wind...

Mono: Or some other world

V: Do not go one step further (slow, authoritative)Ezmee: (tries to go inside)(CLAP OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, MACHINES STOP)Ezmee: The fences are offMono: They just turned offThe Gang: They just turned off and she didn't even open the doorEzmee: (walking away) Who are you?Mono: There was the strangest pauseThe Gang: It seemed like an hour. Or maybe just a momentV: I have known you since you were a child. All of you.Mono: I had always known the pen would save me I had always known Since I was bornV: You ragtag meddlerswere oncesooo sweetYour parents loved youYou had no reason to make those choicesLook at you nowC: Hey, buddy, what are you, some sort of judge,go make like a tree and(CLAP, THUNDER)V: Shall I turn the fences back on? And perhaps the alarm too?For the remark, Calamity, Cliff will wear a shoe in the afterlifeA ball and chain.Cal: Afterlife (takes a drink) Afterlife, hey buddy,there aint no such thing.You're nothin morethan a PA systemCome downEzmee: Cal, stopCal: (takes a drink) Come on pal(CLAP, THUNDER)(bottle drops and breaks)V: I am not your pal. To show you this, Cliff will wear a second ball and chain Do you think I'm joking? One more remark, and I strike him deadCal: Go HauntEzmee: STOPCal: Go Haunt my dead family that you took from me you rotten bastard(CLAP, THUNDER)

Cliff dies(all surround him)Ezmee cries hysterically, sound of cries returns, Machines returnV: Remember I have done you this favor. Remember too that your friend is safe. So long as you, Calamity, place the Key in Penny Lock before All Saints Day(the grieving passes. anger is gone.belief, attention, curiousity)Cal: What does that mean?V: It means you must journey againCal: But where?V: HomeMono: And home was one place I didn't want to go. But I had to go For Cliff. Nobody was comin' with me.(Sounds of violin, spotlight on Cliff's ghost, hauling ball and chain, alone, He sings Am This ole ball (slow) This ole ball and (haunting) E Chain (fiddle)Am This ole ball (saw) This ole ball (clarinet?)E and Chain I been wearin' em for nothin but tooo these forty pounds of pain long in the rain twenty each this ole ball on these balls n' chains this ole ball and chain (c) I once lived Calamity the good life of a 'bo must help me through the do' And fought to keep My other friends keep my pace real slow have passed to something mo' But I got stuck I feel as if one night in the rain my heart is caught in twain slapped me with each ventricles this ole ball and chain a different ball and chain (c) Now I'm insome Purgatory sto' I must admit I don't know anymore

Ezmee: You Gotta GoCal: I can'tEzmee: What you mean you can't?C: I'm poisonedEzmee: You're a piece of work. Cliff was your best pal.Bacon: Yeah, Cliff was good to all of usMac: Best straight man I'd ever seen (pause) (hangs his head in hand picks up the broken glass, smashes it)Cal: Get me my pack. END

Cal's Mom: Wonder if he'll ever come home.Cal's Dad: Who?CM: CalCal's Dad: NeverCal's mom: Never say neverCal's Dad I just did.... (pause)(she is cooking.Father sits widdling something with a knife. They have a farm.

Mono: I was pretty mixed up. Cliff had just passed away. It was my own arrogance that dun it. Whatever that voice was, which surprisingly enough, wasn't that unbelieveable to me, had some point to it. That was plain to me. I rode trains for three days straight, barely eatin', nothin' to drink. When I showed up, I wasn't exactly a sight for sore eyes. Well, Mama always loved me. That's about it I guess. Least that's what I thought. Papa was always ranchin', so I didn't think he really cared. The farm was slowin' down. It was supposed to be my inheritance, but I never really cared for it. Still don't. See, I'd found a place in ShortStoryVille. I was gonna get back there.quick as I could. Didn't think it'd take me this long. I ended up stayin' out in the room above the barn. I still wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I was doin' good without the poison when one day...

CM: Cal, you got some mailC: Can you open it?CM: You're a big boy honey. Twenty five now. You can do it.C: (reads mail)Mono: It happened again. This... Power....CM: Clouds comin in. Board up the window. Tornado(CLAP, THUNDER, CRIES)Cal's Dad: Close the barn. Bring that colt in. Help me Cal! (They run) (Out in the barn) CLAP, THUNDER, CRIES... Shackles Three GhostsBacon: Well, they're all done in now, Aint they MacMac: Yup (To the side) Cliff in chains, hangs his head. The light is on him, his head is down. (He kneels in prayer)

The scene darkens Cal's mother and Father enter the stage shackledCal sits at the table with bottle staring at it He is fighting the temptation He talks to itCal: What have you done to me (pause) What have you done(Cal, shudders, surprised, meant to be humorouos)Bacon: I am just a bottle. Made of Glass. You pick me up, everytime.

All Three Ghosts watch,look at crowd Show Bacon,Bacon: Ham and Eggs never talked to me. No, my breakfast was alwasy, pretty quiet. 'Cept for when I was delusional or broke. Or sick. Cal, oh Cal, you dog, You dog. Can't he see? All the Ghosts singAm Can't ya see What that bottle does Can't ya see to you n' me

Can't ya see (c)Can't ya see You useYou pick it up to beand destroy so happythe glee when you went to churchYou use to be happy you praise the god abovewhen you were my in the soup kitchens you workedson you use'Til you go go take to be so n' take happyanother but now you're halfway gone one talk to a bottleYou use to not talkin to be so God happy, Can't ya see... when you were on the trainsbut you're in a starin' matchwith all of your pain

V:You are lucky.Cal: Lucky?V: Lucky.Cal: How come? You got ma, n' pa, n' Cliff in chains? You got Ezmee, all alone down there. And Bacon, and Machine, What'd you do with them.V: You are lucky

Enter Bacon n' Machine, alive

Bacon: Cal!Mac: Cal!Cal: Bacon, Machine! Where you beenBacon: O. Uh, prospectin out there. We both sofr ot took this job on a wing... (See a glimplse of Bacon and Mac's wings, Dream of Genie wink noise)

Cal: Well, I duno about all that. But uh

Bacon: Hey, what ya doin? (motions to the bottle)Cal: O, uh (tries to hide it, they look at him, with an angel knowledge, he throws it out) Just cleanin up.

Bacon: Where's ma n' pa?Cal: O uh, some other place. But uh, I been hearin this voiceM: Tell us about it.C: It keeps takin everyone away.B: Well you're still hereC: YeahM: You're luckyC: Huh. Well that's whatB: We're kinda passin through. Heard there wasa hangin.C. Some robber.M. A robber?B. Blasphemy.M. You been breakin' the code.C. (hangs his head)B. Well I'm gonna do like we always done and free that man He's a workin for the DiggersC. Damn. Forgot aboutthe Diggers.B. Too concerned with yourself. Sittin alone.M. Nothin like a job to get you back on your feet.C. Nah, you're right. Let's go.B. Let's get ready! (They put on their boots, screw in their spurs look in the mirror to get the hair just right... they put on bandanas) The whole time singingWe are She gave us (c) the sweet She is a underground education sightwe are the undderground she gave us shelter forwe are the underground from the railroad sorrywe are the underground bull eyeschampions she taught 'tho she iswe are a brand a little extremethe underground new we happen to likewe are the underground philosophy the life we leadwe are the underground she fed ' tho we don'tchampions us always know