7 habits

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

What did you do when you got out of bed today?

What is a habit?

Good habits

Bad habits

Neutralhabits

Split into 2 groups

What is a paradigm?

The way you see something, your point of view or belief.

The way we understand and interpret the world.

It is like a map in our head.

We assume that the way we ‘see’ things is the way they really are or the way they

should be.

If… Then….

• If I ________, then I will be happy.

• If I get this job, then I will be happy.

• If I get married, then I will be happy.

• If I pass this test, then I will be happy.

Psychologists have found that happiness actually leads to success

Inside-out

Sow a thought, reap an act;

Sow an act, reap a habit;

Sow a habit, reap a character;

Sow a character, reap a destiny.

The thought manifests as the word; The

word manifests as the deed; The deed

develops into habit; And habit hardens into

character. So watch the thought and its ways

with care, And let it spring from love. Born

out of concern for all beings.

Buddha

First, we make our habits,then our habits make us.

Habit 1:Be Proactive

REACTIVE vs PROACTIVE

Proactive

• Proactive people make choices based on principles and values

• Reactive people make choices based on emotions, feelings, their moods and on impulse

Reactive

Stimulus

• Bad traffic or weather

• Bad boss• Laid off• Quarrel with

partner• Quarrel with

family member

• Get angry and sad

• Feel powerless• Cry and moan• Take stress out

on friends• Get drunk

Response

Circle of influence

Circle of concern

How do you define yourself?

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

- Viktor Frankl

• Bad traffic / weather

• Bad boss• Laid off• Quarrel with

partner• Quarrel with

family member

• Stay positive• Look for new

job• Cool off• Work things

out• Remember

that we love each other

Stimulus Freedom to choose Response

• Self-awareness

• Imagination• Conscience• Independent

will

Proactive

• I choose to• I can• I prefer• I will• Let’s look at our

alternatives

• I have to• I can’t• They won’t let me• I’ll try• If only

Reactive

Reactive people feel like

• Victims• Are easily offended• Blame others• Get angry and say things they regret• Whine and complain• Wait for things to happen to them• Change only when they have to

Proactive people

• Are not easily offended• Take responsibility for their choices• Think before they act• Bounce back when something bad happens• Always find a way to make it happen• Focus on things they can do something

about and not about the things they can’t

Be proactive.“I am in control.”

1. Do you use reactive language?

–“I can’t…”

–“I have to…”

–“Why can’t they…”

How can you be proactive in each

situation?

2. Identify something outside your circle of control that you are always worrying about.

Now, decide to drop it.

The thing I can’t control that I always worry about is….

3. Do something today that you have wanted to do but never dared.

Leave your comfort zone and go for it.

The thing I have always wanted to do but never dared is….

4. If I were 5% more proactive, I would….

Habit 2:Begin with the End in Mind

It’s time for dinner…

All things are created twice; first mentally, then physically.

What about your life?

If you don’t plan for your future, someone else will.

Decide on your own goals and values.

What happens when you don’t begin with

the end in mind?

Top 5 regrets of the dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my

feelings.4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Means goals End goals

Means goals End goals

Means goals End goals

All young Cambodians empowered to achieve

their dreams

Scholarships

Dream Class

Skilled employment

Means goals End goals“I want to

help people”

“I want to be a teacher”

“I want to work in an NGO”

“I want to open a school”

Means goals End goals

“I want to help people”

“I want to be a teacher”

“I want to work in an NGO”

“I want to open a school”

*S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting applies when setting

means goals

Focus on the end goals

Habit 3:Put first things first

Habit 1:

Habit 2:

Habit 3:

You are in the driver’s seat

Decide where you want to go

How to get there

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of

things which matter least.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lpau5YXk46Y

What are your big rocks?

Two factors to define any activity

1. UrgencyAn activity is urgent if you or others feel that it requires immediate attention.

2. ImportanceAn activity is importance if you personally find it valuable, and if it contributes to your mission values, and high-priority goals.

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator• Crisis• Project report due today• Deadlines• Meetings• Last-minute plans

3 The Yes-Man

• Unimportant phone calls• Meeting other people’s

expectations• Interruptions• Some meetings

4 The Slacker

• Too much TV• Surfing the internet• Facebook• Shopping

2 The Prioritizer• Planning and goal-setting• Project report due in a

week• Relationships• Self-improvement,

exercise

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator

3 The Yes-Man 4 The Slacker

2 The Prioritizer

Leads to:• Stress• Burnout

• Unimportant phone calls• Meeting other people’s

expectations• Interruptions• Some meetings

• Too much TV• Surfing the internet• Facebook• Shopping

• Planning and goal-setting• Project report due in a

week• Relationships• Self-improvement,

exercise

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator

3 The Yes-Man 4 The Slacker

2 The Prioritizer

Leads to:• Stress• Burnout

• Too much TV• Surfing the internet• Facebook• Shopping

• Planning and goal-setting• Project report due in a

week• Relationships• Self-improvement,

exercise

Leads to:• Short-term focus• Feel out of control

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator

3 The Yes-Man 4 The Slacker

2 The Prioritizer

Leads to:• Stress• Burnout

• Planning and goal-setting• Project report due in a

week• Relationships• Self-improvement,

exercise

Leads to:• Short-term focus• Feel out of control

Leads to:• Irresponsibility• Fired from jobs

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator

3 The Yes-Man 4 The Slacker

2 The Prioritizer

Leads to:• Stress• Burnout

Leads to:• Short-term focus• Feel out of control

Leads to:• Irresponsibility• Fired from jobs

Leads to:• Vision• Balance• Discipline

Urgent Not urgentIm

port

ant

Not

impo

rtan

t1 The Procrastinator

3 The Yes-Man 4 The Slacker

2 The Prioritizer

Leads to:• Stress• Burnout

Leads to:• Short-term focus• Feel out of control

Leads to:• Irresponsibility• Fired from jobs

Leads to:• Vision• Balance• Discipline

REDUCE

AVOID LIMIT

INCREASE

Put first things firstExercise

Activity

Habit 4:Think win-win

Win-Lose

• Competitive mindset• More for you is less for me• Use of position, power, credentials,

possessions or personality to get one's way

• Examples:- Jealous of other people’s success- Using other people for your own

gain

Lose-Win

• Always give in

• Set low expectations

• Compromise standards

• Give in to peer pressure

• Buries feelings

Lose-Lose

• Misery loves company

• Revenge

• “I don’t care what

happens to me as long

as _______ doesn’t do

well”

Win-Win

• The All You Can Eat Buffet

• “I can win, and so can you”

• There is plenty of success to go around

• Sees life as cooperative, not competitive

• Seeks mutual benefit

How to think win-win

• Starts with YOU

• You must be secure and confident in yourself

• If you are extremely insecure it is hard to

think win-win because you are threatened by

others successes. These people get jealous

easily.

Avoid the “Tumor Twins”

• Competing

• Comparing

Competing

• Healthy

Compete against yourself

Challenge to do your best

• Unhealthy

Tie your self-worth to winning, fear of failure

Willing to win at any cost

Comparing• Comparing yourself can become an addiction• You feel superior one moment and then

inferior the next moment

Abundance mentalityScarcity Mentality Abundance Mentality

There’s only one pie There is plenty for everybody

Sense of worth and security comes from being compared

Define themselves form within Deep inner sense of worth and security

Someone else’s success means their failure

Someone else's success is our success – sharing it

Examples

Habit 5:Seek first to understand,

then be understood

Game

A short poem on listening

When I ask you to listen to me And you start giving me advice, You have not done what I asked.

A short poem on listening

When I ask you to listen to me And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, You are trampling on my feelings.

A short poem on listening

When I ask you to listen to me And you feel you have to do something To solve my problem, You have failed me, Strange as that may seem.

A short poem on listening

Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do – just hear me.

5 poor listening styles1. Spacing out Wandering off when someone is

speaking to us2. Pretend listening

Pretend by making comments like “yeah”, “sounds great”, etc

3. Selective listening

Listening to only the part of the conversation that interests us

4. Word listening Only listen to the words someone is saying, not the meaning behind them

5. Self-centered listening

Listen but see everything from our point of view

Obstacles to listening

1. Judging Judging what the other person is telling us

2. Advising Giving advice instead of listening

3. Probing Digging up information the other person isn’t willing to share

Identify the listening styles

Genuine listening

• Higher form of listening• Leads to real communication• Listen to not only what is said, but to what

is not said• Watch body language, tone, and feeling

reflected in someone’s voice• Listen to understand

Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears

Body language53%

Tone of voice40%

Words7%

Facts

Emotions

Values & beliefs

Mirroring

• Stand in their shoes• Practice mirroring• Reflect back to the person what they just

said, but in your own words• Shows them you understand what is

going on without judging

Mirroring phrases

• “So, as I see it…”• “I can see that you’re feeling…”• “So, what you’re saying is…”

Reflect facts, emotions, values

Example:“I just don’t understand my boss. One minute he says one thing and the next minute he does the opposite.”“You feel very confused by him?”

Intensity EmotionYou feel a little bit sad/angry?You feel quite helpless?You feel very stressed?You feel extremely Embarrassed?

Reflect facts, emotions, valuesExample:“The people at school are so fake! All they care about is showing off their phones and new clothes. Image is all that matters to them.”“You are frustrated with people at school because authenticity is important to you.”

Example:“I think he is a very nice guy. He’s so thoughtful, sensitive, and kind. I also really enjoy talking to him.”“You really like him.”

Reflect facts, emotions, values

Example:“I just don’t know how I am going to get all this math homework done before tonight’s game especially since I don’t get most of this stuff you taught us today.”“You are feeling frustrated and stuck…You are feeling frustrated and stuck with math you don’t know how to do and you’re worried that you won’t figure it out before you go to the game.”

Listening

• Mirror– “You felt a little anxious”

• Clarify– “Did I hear you correctly?”

• Ask open-ended questions– “When did you first start to feel this way?”

• Summarize– “So what I heard you say was…”

Active listening practice

Now, seek to be understood

Habit 6:Synergize

Synergy is everywhere

• You have been a part of synergy in many forms–Nature–Group projects–Music group–Working at PEPY– Living in society

We are all different

Strengths

Knowledge

Friends

Beliefs

Experiences

Religion

Attitude

Education

Family

True colors/ working style

What is diversity?

What is synergy?

Synergy is:

• Celebrating differences

• Teamwork• Open-mindedness• Finding new and

better ways

• Tolerating differences

• Working independently

• Thinking you’re always right

• Compromise

It is not:

How do you handle diversity?1. Shun

Afraid of differences. Convinced that their way of life is the ‘best’ or ‘right’ or ‘only’ way.

2. TolerateBelieve everyone has a right to be different. “Don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.”

3. CelebrateValue differences. Celebrate differences. Difficult to do on every issue.

Roadblocks to celebrating differences

1. Ignorance• You don’t know what other people

believe, how they feel, or what they have been through.

• Someone has a disability and you ask them what it is like. They don’t know what it is like not to have a disability.

Roadblocks to celebrating differences

2. Cliques• Nothing wrong with being with people

you are comfortable, but cliques exclude people that aren’t just like you

• Breaking into a clique isn’t hard, just lose your identity and assimilate and suffer superiority complexes

Roadblocks to celebrating differences

3. Prejudice• Although we are created equally, we

are not treated equally• Have you ever been pre-judged based

on skin color, your clothes, your accent, where you live

• Prejudices are learned

Finding the “High” Way

• Compromise 1 + 1 = 1.5• Cooperation 1 + 1 = 2• Synergy 1 + 1 = 3– The Whole is greater than the sum of its

parts–Creative cooperation

Getting to Synergy – Action Plan

1. Define the problem or opportunity2. Their way (seek first to understand)3. My way (seek to be understood)4. Brainstorm (create new options and

ideas)5. High Way (find the best solution)

Role play

Habit 7:Sharpen the saw

A man was struggling in the woods to saw down a tree. An old farmer came by, watched for a while, and then quietly said, “What are you doing?” “Can’t you see?” the man impatiently replied, “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted,” said the farmer. “How long have you been at it?” “Over five hours, and I’m beat,” replied the man. “This is hard work.” “That saw looks pretty dull,” said the farmer. “Why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen it? I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

4 key areas

Balance all 4 areas

• If your tires are out of balance, all 4 will not wear evenly– It’s hard to be friendly (social) when you’re

exhausted (physical)–When you are motivated and in tune with

yourself (spiritual) , it’s easier to focus on your studies (mental) and to be more friendly (social)

Physical

• Exercise–Quadrant 2 activity

• Eat well• Get enough sleep

Mental

• Read• Learn a new skill• Teach• Write• Solve puzzles• Discuss ideas with friends

Social / emotional

• Spend time with family• Spend time with friends• Call home• Say thank you to someone• Plan social activities• Laugh• Show someone you care

Spiritual

• Meditate• Write a journal• Spend time alone• Listen to music• Volunteer• Find a peaceful spot• Watch children and birds

Now, it’s your turn!