99 ways to die

99 Ways to Die

compiled byAaron Cohick

First Printing

"There is only death and danger in the socket of my eye."

- Dave Mustaine

1. On your feet, damn it!

2. Young and fast.

3. Consumed in a fireball.

4. Political Execution.

5. Really living.

6. Without a complaint.

7. With a smile.

8. Murdered by a jealous lover.

9. In order for your paintings to be worth something.

10. Indiscreetly.

11. Torn apart by piranhas.

12. Torn apart by pariahs.

13. Being too close when China Syndrome occurs.

14. Shark attack.

15. In a hail of bullets.

16. Fiery plane crash.

17. Starvation.

18. Walking the plank.

19. Trampled by buffalo.

20. Eaten by cannibals.

21. Quietly.

22. With a bang.

23. Falling into the sun.

24. Like Rasputin.

25. Terminal Illness.

26. Head-on collision.

27. Electrocution.

28. Radiation sickness.

29. Dehydration.

30. Eaten by a giant alligatorfrom the sewer.

31. Human sacrifice.

32. By your own hand.

33. At the hands of theFour Horsemen of theApocalypse.

34. Being used as a human shield.

35. In a war you don’t understand.

36. Run over by a steam roller.

37. Mob hit.

38. Losing too much blood.

39. Heroin overdose.

40. Asphyxiation.

41. Cooked in a giant microwave.

42. Mistaken for a deer.

43. In the case of undeath,having your brain eatenby a zombie.

44. Crucifixion.

45. Shot down in your prime.

46. Going down with your ship.

47. Stepping on a landmine.

48. Stuck in a pipe.

49. Spontaneous human combustion.

50. Possessed by evil spiritsand forced to run out intotraffic.

51. Drinking that cult-madeKool-Aid.

52. Driving off a cliff.

53. Laughing.

54. Drowning.

55. Poisoned by your wife.

56. Sucked into a jet turbine.

57. Explosive decompression.

58. Left behind on the moon.

59. Exotic, flesh-eating virusspread by cute littlemonkeys.

60. Being bludgeoned by cutelittle monkeys.

61. Being thrown into a volcanoto appease the fire gods.

62. Stabbed by your butler.

63. Being sucked out of a plane.

64. In gladiatorial combat witha lion.(for early christians)

65. Lungs frozen from inhaling freon.

66. Heavy metal poisoning.

67. Dragged to hell by a hostof demons.

68. Stepped on by a giant lizard.

69. Cardiac arrest.

70. Bitter and alone.

71. Tragically.

72. Assassinated by rebels.

73. Run over by a lawnmower.

74. On national television.

75. Lethal injection.

76. Smited by the hand of God.

77. Lost in quicksand.

78. Stabbed by the one-eyed dog.

79. To be something rather than Red.

80. Hunted by sentient robots.

81. Shitting your brains out.

82. Superfluous pistol whipping.

83. Used as a host by a parasiticalien.

84. The same you lived; hard.

85. Spontaneous decompositionon the sub-atomic level.

86. Alcohol poisoning.

87. Freezing.

88. Choking on your own vomit.

89. Skewered.

90. Decapitated.

91. In an attempt to escapefrom prison.

92. Faulty elevator.

93. Shot in the heel by a poisonarrow.

94. Burning in the brain.

95. Falling into a gorge.

96. Set upon by rabid babboons.

97. Natural causes.

98. Regretfully.

99. With the help of Dr. Death.

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