constructive communication

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Constructive CommunicationDealing with conflict

Sandy AndersonLibby MahaffyNovember 7, 2011

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Goals

At the end of this session, you will have:• Seen everyday use of negotiation skills• Been exposed to a negotiation framework• Observed asking, listening and reflecting• Practiced a new approach• Received a list of helpful resources

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We communicate all the time

• Sometimes it doesn’t work as we expect• The consequences can be significant• Miscommunication can lead to conflict

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We negotiate every day

• It’s not just for diplomats or lawyers• We all do it frequently and without conflict…

most of the time• We all have emotions, bias and history that we

bring to a negotiation• Every conflict has within itself the seeds of

resolution

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Negotiating successfully

Copywrite 2011, Anderson & Mahaffy

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Mediation – assisted negotiation

• Sometimes we need outside help• Neutral 3rd party who facilitates negotiation• Useful in working through organizational,

public and private negotiations and conflicts

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Role play

• Notice how you feel watching this• Capture your observations• How do we figure out how to do this

differently?

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A framework for negotiation

Positions

Interests

Options

Solutions

What someone says they want, their “demand”

What is really important to a party, the deeper “need”

The possible ways the parties could have their needs met

The agreement negotiated between parties, that meets their needs and allows them to move forward

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The “sweet spot”

• From positions to interests• Strategies mediators use– Asking open-ended questions– Listening– Clarifying

• Focus on moving forward, not on the past• Take time – slow down

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Nonviolent Communication•Seeks to understand motivations and remove judgment•Encourages empathy for yourself and others

Observations

Feelings

Needs

Requests

Taking in the situation – what someone sees, hears, remembers, imagines

The feelings that emerge from the observations

The needs connected to this feeling – universal, personal

Strategy to meet your own or others’ needs – a specific request of yourself or another – action to take

Source: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

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Role play

• Another possible outcome

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Resources

BooksDifficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most – Stone, Patton & Heen (1999)Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In -- Fisher, Ury & Patton (1991)Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg (2003)The Power of Nice – Shapiro, Jankowski & Dale (2001)

TrainingContact Sandy or LibbyMediation Works, Inc – www.mwi.org (reference this presentation)NVC Boston – www.nvcboston.org

Sandy Anderson617.686.1682sandy@sandy-anderson.comsandy-anderson.com

Libby Mahaffy231.350.3732Libby.Mahaffy@gmail.com

Contact Info

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Q&A