courageous parenting

Courage-ous Parenting!!!

Herky CutlerFebruary 28, 2011

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Herky Cutler

• B. ED., M.A., CCDP• President/Foothills Youth &

Family Services – Pincher Creek, AB

• Organizational and Educational Consultant

• Professional Speaker• Trainer/Facilitator• Entertainer

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Workshop Assumptions

There is no such thing as a Generation Gap!

Lack of self-esteem is at the core of any dysfunctional behavior!

The best way to be a good parent is to be a good role

model!

Workshop Objectives

To de-bunk the Generation Gap myth!

To establish self esteem as the core of parenting issues

To explore current parenting issues

To apply the Circle of Courage Model to parenting adolescents

Is There A Generation Gap??? What was one of your best

experiences as an adolescent?

What was one of your worst?

What were your feelings during those times?

Now think about your teenage children or adolescents that you work with or children of the parents you work with.

What are their best and worst experiences so far in their lives?

What feelings do they have associated with these?

Is There A Generation Gap???

Context• Gangs• Drugs and alcohol• Violence• Peer pressure• School/career pressure• Bullying• Dysfunctional families• Class valedictorian• Star athlete• Early pregnancy

Feelings• Aggressive• Frustrated• Horrified• Hurt• Anxious• Angry• Sad• Satisfied• Determined• Regretful

Parenting Issues

• Anger• Dealing with guilt• Blended families• Dysfunctional families• Communication skills• Enabling• Power struggles• Time

• High/low expectations• Follow through• United parenting• Motivation• Peer pressure• Setting limits• Tough love• Money

Self Esteem

Anger

Guilt

Pow

er

stru

ggle

sMoney

problems

Enabling

The Circle of Courage

The Circle of Courage

The Circle of Courage

The Circle of Courage

The Circle of Courage

The Circle of Courage

Belonging

Normal

1.Attached2.Loving3.Friendly4.Intimate5.Gregarious6.Cooperative7.Trusting

Distorted

1.Gang Loyalty2.Craves affection 3. Craves acceptance4.Promiscuous5.Clinging6.Cult-vulnerable7.Overly dependent

Absent

1.Unattached2.Guarded3.Rejected4.Lonely5.Aloof6.Isolated7.Distrustful

Generosity

Normal

1.Altruistic2.Caring3.Sharing4.Loyal5.Empathic6.Pro-social7.Supportive

Distorted

1.Noblesse Oblige2.Over-involved3.Plays martyr4.Co-dependency5.Over-involvement6.Servitude7.Bondage

Absent

1.Selfish2.Affectionless3.Narcissistic4.Disloyal5.Hardened6.Anti Social7.Exploitative

Independence

Normal

1.Autonomous2.Confident3.Assertive4.Responsible5.Inner control6.Self discipline7.Leadership

Distorted

1.Dictatorial2.Reckless/Macho3.Bullies others4.Sexual prowess5.Manipulative6.Rebellious7.Defies authority

Absent

1.Submissive2.Lacks confidence3.Inferiority4.Irresponsible5.Helplessness6.Undisciplined7.Easily led

Mastery

Normal

1.Achiever2.Successful3.Creative4.Problem solver5.Motivated6.Persistent7.Competent

Distorted

1.Overachiever2.Arrogant3.Risk seeker4.Cheater5.Workaholic6.Perseverative7.Delinquent skill 

Absent

1.Non-achiever2.Failure orientated3.Avoids risks4.Fears challenges5.Unmotivated6.Gives up easily7.Inadequate

Belonging

Normal

1.Attached2.Loving3.Friendly4.Intimate5.Gregarious6.Cooperative7.Trusting

Distorted

1.Gang Loyalty2.Craves affection 3. Craves acceptance4.Promiscuous5.Clinging6.Cult-vulnerable7.Overly dependent

Absent

1.Unattached2.Guarded3.Rejected4.Lonely5.Aloof6.Isolated7.Distrustful

Generosity

Normal

1.Altruistic2.Caring3.Sharing4.Loyal5.Empathic6.Pro-social7.Supportive

Distorted

1.Noblesse Oblige2.Over-involved3.Plays martyr4.Co-dependency5.Over-involvement6.Servitude7.Bondage

Absent

1.Selfish2.Affectionless3.Narcissistic4.Disloyal5.Hardened6.Anti Social7.Exploitative

Independence

Normal

1.Autonomous2.Confident3.Assertive4.Responsible5.Inner control6.Self discipline7.Leadership

Distorted

1.Dictatorial2.Reckless/Macho3.Bullies others4.Sexual prowess5.Manipulative6.Rebellious7.Defies authority

Absent

1.Submissive2.Lacks confidence3.Inferiority4.Irresponsible5.Helplessness6.Undisciplined7.Easily led

Mastery

Normal

1.Achiever2.Successful3.Creative4.Problem solver5.Motivated6.Persistent7.Competent

Distorted

1.Overachiever2.Arrogant3.Risk seeker4.Cheater5.Workaholic6.Perseverative7.Delinquent skill 

Absent

1.Non-achiever2.Failure orientated3.Avoids risks4.Fears challenges5.Unmotivated6.Gives up easily7.Inadequate

Action!!!

• Create a profile (N=7, D=5, A=16)• Verify profile (1 or 2 other opinions)• These are “points of intervention”• Getting the child to “normal” is the goal• Brainstorming solutions for each component• Take action!!!• Self esteem is the key!• Be Courage-ous!!!

Contact Information

• www.herkycutler.com• herkycutler@gmail.com• 403-627-5044