diary of an awesome friendly kid: rowley jefferson's journal of an...2 the reason i called my...

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OldSchool

DoubleDown

TheGetaway

TheMeltdown

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THEDIARYOFAWIMPYKIDSERIES

DiaryofaWimpyKid

RodrickRules

TheLastStraw

DogDays

TheUglyTruth

CabinFever

TheThirdWheel

AMULETBOOKS

NewYork

byJeffKinney

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MyFirstEntry

HiI'mRowleyJeffersonandthisismy

diary.Ihopeyoulikeitsofar.

Idecidedtostartajournalbecausemy

bestfriendGregHeffleyhasoneandwe

usuallydothesamestuff.OhyeahIshould

mentionthatmeandGregare

I'msureyou'reprobablylike"Welltellme

moreaboutthisGregguy."Butmybook

isn'taboutHIM,it'saboutME.

2

Thereason IcalledmybookDiaryofan

AwesomeFriendlyKidisbecausethat's

whatmydad isalwayssayingaboutme.

LikeImentionedalready,Gregismybest

friendwhichmakesmydadmySECOND

bestfriend.ButIdon'ttellhimthat

becauseIdon'twanttohurthisfeelings.

3

NowthatIbroughtupmydadIshould

mentionhedoesn'tseemtolikeGreg

allthatmuch.AndthereasonIget

thatfeelingisbecausemydadisalways

sayingit.

Butthat'sonlybecausemydaddoesn't

reallygetGreg'ssenseofhumor.

4

Rightnowyou'reprobablythinking"Hey

RowleyIthoughtthisbookwassupposed

tobeaboutYOU."Wellyou'rerightso

fromnowonIpromisethere'sgonnabea

lotmoreRowleyinhere.

Thefirstthingyouneedtoknowabout

meisthatIlivewithmymomanddad

inahouseatthetopofSurreyStreet,

whichisthesamestreetmybestfriend

Gregliveson.

Ialreadytalkedaboutmydadbutmy

momisprettygreattoobecauseshe

feedsmehealthyfoodandhelpsmekeep

mybodyclean.

5

EverymorningIwalktoschoolwithmy

friendGreg.Weusuallyhaveatotalblast

whenwe'retogetherbutsometimesIdo

thingsthatannoyhim.

ButwhatREALLYgetsonGreg's

nervesiswhenIcopyhim.SoI'm

probablynotgonnalethimknowabout

thisjournalbecauseit'sjustgonnamake

himmad.

Anywaywritinginthisbookisalot

ofworksothat'sallI'mgonnadofor

today.ButtomorrowI'llputalittle

moreGreginherebecauselikeIsaid

we'rebestfriends.

6

MySecondEntry

OKsobadnews:Gregfoundoutabout

mydiary.

IguessIfeltkindofproudthatIhadmy

ownjournalandIwantedtoshowhim.

ButjustlikeIpredicteditmadehimMAD.

GregsaidItotallyrippedhimoffand

thathewasgonnasuemeforstealing

hisidea.IsaidwellgoaheadandTRY

becauseyou'renottheFIRSTpersonto

writeinadiary.

7

ThenGregsaidit'saJOURNALnota

diaryandthenhewhappedmewithmy

ownbook.

ItoldGregifhewasgonnabeajerk

thenIwouldn'tsaynicethingsabouthim

inmyjournal.ThenIshowedhimwhatI

wrotesofar.

AtfirstheseemedannoyedbecauseI

alwaysforgettodrawnosesonpeople.

Butthenhesaidmybookgavehiman

IDEA.

Gregsaidonedayhe'sgonnaberichand

famousandeveryonewillwanttoknow

hiswholelife'sstory.AndhesaidIcould

betheonetoWRITEit.

8

IsaidIthoughtthat'swhatyour

JOURNALisforandhesaidthat'shis

AUTObiographybutmybookcouldbe

hisBIOGRAPHY.

GregsaidtherearegonnabeaLOTof

biographiesabouthimonedaybuthe'd

givemethechancetowritethefirstone.

Ithoughtthatsoundedlikeagoodidea

becauseI'mGreg'sbestfriendandnoone

knowshimbetterthanME.

SoI'mgonnastartthisbookoverwitha

newtitleandnowthemaincharacteris

gonnabeGreginsteadofme.Butdon't

worryI'mstillgonnabeinitalottoo.

EARLYLIFE

Mostbiographiesaboutpresidentsand

famouspeoplestartwithachaptercalled

"EarlyLife."WelltheproblemisthatI

didn'tmeetGreguntilthefourthgradeso

Idon'tknowalotaboutwhathappened

tohimbeforethen.

I'veseenafewphotoshangingonthe

wallsinGreg'shouseandfromwhatIcan

tellhewasaregularbaby.Andifhedid

anythingimportantwhenhewaslittleyou

can'treallytellfromthepictures.

11

Anywayfast-forwardtorightbeforethestartoffourthgradeandnowthis

biographyisgonnagetalotmoredetailed.

Weusedtoliveinawholedifferentstate

butthenmydadgotajobandwehadto

move.Myfamilyboughtanewhouseat

thetopofSurreyStreetandwemoved

inoverthesummer.

ThefirstfewdaysIdidn'tleavethe

housebecauseIwasscaredaboutbeingin

anewplace.

Iknowyouareprobablywondering"Well

whenishegoingtomeetGreg?"butjust

waitbecauseIamgettingtothatpart.

12

MymomsaidmaybeIshouldtrytomake

somefriendsandsheevenboughtmea

bookcalled"HowtoMakeFriendsinNew

Places"tohelpmedoit.

Thebookhadallkindsofthingslike

knock-knockjokestohelpakidlikememeetnewpeople.Butthetricksinthe

bookdidn'treallyworkonGreg.

LuckilymeandGregbecamefriends

anyway.

13

ItoldGregIlivedinthenewhouseatthe

topofthehillandhesaidthatwaskind

ofbadnewsformebecausewhenour

lotwasemptyheplantedaflagthereso

nowheownedmyhousepluseverything

init.

Butlateronmydadtoldmethatwasn't

trueandthenhewenttoGreg'shouseto

getmybikeback.

14

I'mprettysurethat'sthefirsttimemy

dadtoldmewhathethoughtaboutGreg.

ButIlikeGregaLOT.Heisalwaysdoing

hilariousthingslikemakingmelaughright

afterItakeabiggulpofmilk.

PlusGregisalwaysplayingwackypranks

onmeandtheyusuallymakemelaugh

prettyhardtoo.

15

SoI'llbetyoucantellwhymeandGreg

havebeenbestfriendssincefourth

grade.Ievengotusalockettomakeit

officialbutGregsaysthosethingsare

forgirlsandthat'swhyhewon'twear

hishalf.

WellIcouldprobablyfillupawholebook

withallthezanythingsmeandGregdo

butsincethisishisbiographyIshould

probablywritesomestuffabouthis

family.

16

GreghasamomanddadjustlikeIdo

buttheyareprettyregularparentssoI

don'thavealottosayaboutthem.

ButGregisn'tanonlychildlikeme.He'sgot

anolderbrothernamedRodrickwhohasa

rockbandcalledLodedDiper.

Someoftheirsongshaveswearsinthem

somymomanddadwon'tletmebeatthe

Heffleys'housewhenRodrickhaspractice.

17

GregalsohasalittlebrothernamedManny

whoisonlythree.Anddon'taskmewhy

butthefirsttimeIwenttoGreg'sfora

playdateMannyrandomlypulleddownhis

pantsandshowedmehisheinie.

NoweverytimeIseeMannyheactslike

wehavethisbigsecretorsomething

whichmakesmefeeluncomfortable.

AnywayIguessthatwrapsupthe

firstchapterofGreg'sbiography.And

ifyou'rethinking"Rowleywhenarewe

gonnagettotheexcitingparts?"then

justWAIT.

18

THETIMEIHADMYFIRST

SLEEPOVERATGREG'S

AftermeandGregmetwehadafew

playdatesatMYhouseandafewplaydates

atHIShouse.OhyeahIforgot,Greg

doesn'tlikeitwhenIcallthem"playdates"so

Iwillhavetochangethatinthenextdraft

orelseI'mgonnagetwhappedagain.

AnywaymeandGreg"hungout"alotat

eachother'shousesbutthenonedayhe

invitedmetohishouseforaSLEEPOVER.

IwasprettyworriedbecauseI'dnever

sleptawayfromhomebefore.InfactI

wasn'tevensleepinginmyOWNbedyet

becauseIwasscared.

ItoldmymomIwastoonervoustostay

atGreg'sbutIgotalittleLESSnervous

whenshesaidIcouldtakeCarrotswithme.

WhenIgottoGreg'sweplayedinhis

roomforawhilebutat9:00Mrs.Heffley

saiditwastimetogotobed.Andshesaid

wehadtosleepintheBASEMENT.Well

nowIwasSUPERnervousbecauseIthink

basementsarereallycreepy.

20

AssoonasMrs.Heffleyturnedthe

lightsoff,Gregsaidheneededtotellme

somethingimportant.Hetoldmethere'sa

halfman,halfgoatthatlivesinthewoods

inourneighborhoodsoIprobablyshouldn't

gooutsidealoneatnight.

WellIwasNOThappytohearthatnews

andIreallywishedsomeonetoldmy

parentsaboutthisgoatguybeforewe

movedintotheneighborhood.

AnywaythegoatthinggotmeTOTALLY

spookedsoIhidunderthecovers.But

IthinkGreggotprettyspookedtoo

becausehecrawledunderthemWITHme.

21

Thenallofasuddentherewasthiscrazy

noiserightoutsidethewindowandit

soundedexactlyhowahalfman,halfgoat

wouldsound.

MeandGregdidn'twannageteatenby

thisgoatguysowegotoutofthereas

fastaswecould.

22

Butwealmostdiedanywaybecausewe

trampledeachotherrunningupthestairs.

Welockedourselvesinthelaundryroom

sothegoatmancouldn'tgetus.But

that'swhenwefoundoutitwasn'tthe

goatguyatALL,itwasjustGreg's

brotherRodrickplayingatrickonus.

23

OKthisnextpartisembarrassingbut

sinceit'sabiographyI'vegottatellthe

wholetruth.Iwetmypantswhenwe

wereinthebasementandheardthose

noisesoutside.

Mrs.Heffleygavemeanextrapairof

Greg'sunderwearbuttheyweretoo

small.Somydadhadtocomegetmeand

bringmehomeinthemiddleofthenight.

ItwasalongtimebeforeIwasallowed

togotoGreg'sforanothersleepover,

butthat'saMUCHlongerstoryandI'm

notevensurethere'sroomforthatone

inthisbook.

24

THETIMEISAVEDGREGFROM

TEVINLARKIN'SBIRTHDAYPARTY

ThereisakidnamedTevinLarkinwho

livesoveronSpeenStreetandlast

summerhismominvitedmeandGregto

Tevin'sbirthdayparty.Wedidn'twanna

gobecauseTevinishyperbutbothofour

momssaidweHADto.

ItturnedoutthatmeandGregwerethe

ONLYkidsinvitedtoTevin'spartybut

wedidn'tknowthatuntilwegotthere.

AfterwegaveTevinhispresentshismom

saiditwastimeforpartyactivities.

25

Thefirstactivitywastowatchthismovie

aboutaguywhocouldturnintoabearand

aneagleandabunchofotheranimals.

WhenthemoviewasoverTevinwanted

towatchitAGAIN.ButmeandGregtold

Tevin'smomwedidn'twannawatchthe

movieasecondtimesoshesaidwecould

moveontotheotheractivitieslikepin

thetailonthedonkey.

WellthatjustmadeTevinMAD.

26

Hegotallwoundupandstartedacting

liketheguyinthemoviewhocouldturn

intoanimals.

IguessTevin'smomwasusedtothissort

ofthingbutmeandGregdidn'tknow

whatweweresupposedtodo.Weasked

Mrs.Larkinifshecouldtakeushomebut

shesaidtherewerestilltwohourstogo

intheparty.

Sowewentoutthebackdoorand

waitedintheyardforTevintocalm

down.

27

ButeventuallyTevinfoundusandnowhe

wasactingTOTALLYnuts.

Itookafewstepsbacktogetoutof

Tevin'swaybutthat'swhenIfellintoa

giantditch.Luckilytheditchwasn'tTOO

deeporIprobablywould'vebrokesome

bones.ButwhenIgottomyfeetIheard

thisbuzzingnoiseallaroundme.

ItturnedouttherewasaHORNET'S

NESTatthebottomoftheditchand

theywereallstirredup.

28

Igotstungtwelvetimesandtwoofthe

stingswereinsidemyMOUTH.

Mrs.Larkindrovemehomeearlyand

Greghitchedaridetoo.

AnywayGregisalwayssayinghe"owes

me"forgettinghimoutofthatparty

andIputitinthisbookincaseIeverneed

toremindhim.

29

GREG'SACCOMPLISHMENTS

EverybiographyI'veeverreadforschool

hasachaptercalled"Accomplishments"so

IfigureIbetteraddthatinherebeforeI

forget.

TheproblemisthatGregisonlyakid

andmostofhisaccomplishmentshaven't

happenedyet.SoI'llleavesomeblank

spacehereandIcanfillitinlateron.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

30

THETIMEMEANDGREGDISTURBED

ANANCIENTBURIALGROUND

Ifyouwerespookedoutbythatgoat

manstoryfrombeforethenyoumight

wanttoskipthisone.OKifyouarestill

reading,rememberIwarnedyou.

OnetimemeandGregwereplayingvikings

andninjasinthewoodsandthensome

teenagerscamebyandruinedourfun.

BUTTHAT'SNOTEVENTHESCARY

PARTYETsokeepreading.

31

MeandGregwentfartherbackinthe

woodstogetawayfromthoseteens.

Gregsaidweshouldbuildafortso

iftheycamelookingforuswecould

protectourselves.

Sowespenttherestoftheafternoon

makingafortoutofsticksandlogs.

Gregsaidweshouldputsomerocksinour

fortincasethingsgotREALLYbad,but

itwasstartingtogetdarkandthere

weren'talotofrockslyingaroundinthe

woodsanyway.

32

ButthenItrippedoversomethingand

guesswhat?ItwasabigROCK.

ItoldGregIthoughtIsprainedmyankle

buthewasalotmoreworriedaboutthat

rockthanmyinjury.

Gregsaiditwasn'tarock,itwasa

GRAVESTONEandwejustdisturbedan

ANCIENTBURIALGROUND.

33

Iguessyoualreadyknewthatwascoming

becauseitwasinthetitleofthischapter.

I'llprobablychangeitlateronsoIdon't

givethesurpriseaway.

AnywaymeandGregwereTOTALLY

spookedoutbythisancientburialground

thingandbynowitwasREALLYdark

outsowewereextrascared.ButGreg

must'vetotallyforgotaboutmyankle

becausehetookoffandIcouldn'tkeepup.

IkeptwaitingforGregtocomebackbut

heneverdid.

34

LuckilymyparentscalledGreg'shouse

toaskwhereIwasandthathelpedhim

rememberIwasstilloutthere.

Andjusttoshowyouwhatagreatpal

Gregis,heletmyparentsborrowhis

flashlightandpointedthemintheright

direction.

35

ANEVENMORESCARYSTORY

OKwhileI'monthetopicofscarystuff

Iwanttoshareastoryaboutsomething

thathappenedacoupleyearsago.

OnetimeIwasatmygrandpa'slog

cabinwithmydadfortheweekendand

wetookahikeandIgotkindofdirty.

Welltechnicallyit'smyDAD'Scabinnow

becausemygrandpadiedtheyearbefore.

Icalledmygrandpa"Bampy,"andthe

reasonIcalledhimthatisbecausewhenI

wastwoIcouldn'tsay"Grampa."

36

ButwhenIgotolderandICOULDsay

"Grampa,"nobodywouldletmechangeit.

Andwhenmygrandpagotolderit'sthe

onlywordhereallysaid.

Soanywaybacktothestory.AfterIgot

dirtyfromthathikemydadsaidIhadto

takeashower.

ButBampy'scabinisreallyoldandit

doesn'tHAVEashower,itjusthasone

ofthosecreepyold-fashionedtubs.

37

AfterIfilledupthetubwithwaterand

gotin,here'swhathappenedNEXT.

Iheardfootstepscomingdownthehall

andIthoughtitwasmydadbringingmea

towelorsomething.

38

Thenthedooropenedrealslow,but

guesswhat?NOONEWASEVENTHERE.

Ijumpedoutofthetubandranaround

thehouselookingeverywhereformydad.

Andifyou'rethinking"OhRowleythe

doorthingwasyourdadplayingatrick

onyou,"wellguesswhat?ItWASN'T.

Mydadwasgettingsomemilkatthe

storeandhedidn'tcomebackuntillikea

halfhourlater.

39

Itoldmydadwhathappenedwiththedoor

andhesaiditwasprobablyjustthe"wind."

ButIknowwhatitwas:theGHOSTOF

BAMPY.

40

THETIMEGREGPLAYEDA

HILARIOUSPRANKONME

OKIknowthelastchapterdidn'thavea

lotofGreginitbutIwantedtomention

thatstoryrealquickbecausetheBampy

thingtotallyFREAKEDMEOUT.

Ifyoulikescarystuffthenyou'reinluck

becausethisoneisprettyscarytoo.

OnedaymeandGregwerehangingout

atmyhouseandGregtoldmehesawon

thenewsthattherewasaburglargoing

aroundbreakingintopeople'shomes.

41

Thenhesaidhehadtogohomefordinner,

andoncehele ftIstartedgettingscared

becausemyparentsweren'taround.

Buthere'sthething:Ifoundoutlater

thatGregjustPRETENDEDtoleave.

Heshutthefrontdoorbutthenstayed

insidemyhouse.

Hetookoffhisshoesandwalkedupthe

stairssuperquietsoIcouldn'thearhim.

Thenhestartedstompingaroundreal

loudupstairs.AtfirstIthoughtitwasthe

ghostofBampyalloveragain.

42

ThenIrealizeditwasprobablythat

BURGLARGregtoldmeaboutandI

almostpeedmypantsforthesecond

timeinthisbiography.

Iheardfootstepscomingdownthe

stairsandIranintothegaragetohide

fromtheburglar.

43

ItwasPITCHBLACKinthegaragebut

Ididn'twanttomakeamoveuntilIwas

surethatguywasgone.

Thenallofasuddenthedoortothe

garageopenedrealslowandIknewthe

burglarwasgonnagetmeifIdidn'tdo

something.SoIwhackedhimintheface

withmydad'stennisracketandmadea

runforit.

ThenIranoutthefrontdoorandwent

toMrs.Monroe'shousenextdoortotell

hertocalltheCOPS.

44

ButthenGregcameoutofmyhouseand

that'swhenIfoundoutthewholething

wasjustoneofhishilariouspranks.

Gregwasmadatmefortwowhole

weeksandhesaidIshould'veknownfrom

thewaythefootstepssoundedthatit

wasHIMandnotaburglar.

Iguesshe'sgotaprettygoodpoint

aboutthatsinceheisalwaysplaying

wackypranksonme.SoIfeelkindofbad

aboutwhackinghimwithatennisracket.

butnotreally

45

ANOTHERTIMEGREG

GOTMADATME

OKthatlaststorymademeremember

anothertimeGreggotmadatme.

MeandGregwerewalkinghomefrom

schoolafewmonthsagoandtherewere

slugseverywherebecauseitjustrained

thenightbefore.Andwheneverthere

areslugslyingaround,Gregchasesme

withone.

Iguessit'sprettyfunnyifyouthink

aboutitbutit'sneverthatfunnywhen

it'shappening.

46

LuckilyIamreallyfastwhensomeone

ischasingmewithaslugsoIgotaway

fromGregbyclimbinguponthebigrock

inMr.Yee'sfrontyard.

GregtriedtogetmetoclimbdownbutI

stayedrightwhereIwas.

Gregtriedtoflingtheslugatmebuthe

losthisbalanceandalmostfellinagiant

puddleinfrontoftherock.Hewasstuck

andIfeltbadforhimbecauseheismy

bestfriendafterall.

47

Igotdownfromtherockandtriedtohelp

Greg.Hetoldmetopullhimbackuponhis

feetbutIguessIheardhimwrong.

IgrabbedhimBYhisfeetandthatturned

outtobeaprettydumbmove.

48

Ididn'tknowWHATGregwasgonnado

oncehegotoutofthatpuddlebutIdidn't

wannastickaroundtofindout.SoIran

tomyhouseandlockedmyselfinmyroom

anddidn'tcomeoutuntilGreggotcalled

homefordinner.

ThenextdayGregsaidhewasgonna

getmebackwhenI"leastexpectit."I

justhopeGregforgetsbecausewhen

itcomestopaybackshe'sgotagood

imagination.

49

THETIMEWHENGREGCREATED

ASPECIALAWARDJUSTFORME

OKthelasttwochapterswereabout

timesGreggotmadatmebutthis

chapteristhetotalOPPOSITE.

Thisone'saboutthetimewhenIdid

somethingGregthoughtwasreally

awesomesothenhedidsomethingreally

awesomeforME.

AnywaythisoneSaturdaylastfallmeand

Gregweresupposedtohangoutatmy

housebuthesaidhecouldn'tbecausehe

hadtocleanhisgarage.ThenhesaidifI

cameandhelpedhimwe'dbedoneTWICE

asquick.ButIsaidnothanksI'llwait.

50

ThenGregsaidifIhelpedhimhe'dgiveme

HALFofhisHalloweencandy.

Wellthatwasareallybigdealtome

becausemyparentswentthroughallmy

candyonHalloweennightandtheybarely

letmekeepANYTHING.

ButIknewGregstillhadaTONofcandy

becausehisparentsdon'tmakehimthrow

outANYTHING.SoItoldhimOKI'llbe

rightover.

CleaningGreg'sgaragewashardworkand

ittooklikethreehours.

51

AfterweweredoneGregsaidOKnow

let'sgohangoutatyourplace.

IsaidheywhataboutthatCANDYand

GregsaidohyeahIforgot.ButIknew

thatwasgonnahappenbecausewhenever

Gregowesmestuffheforgets.

WewentuptoGreg'sroomandhegothis

bagofcandyoutofthecloset.

52

Butwhenheemptiedoutthebagitwas

almostallWRAPPERS.

TheonlythingsLEFTwerethree

jawbreakersandalittleboxofraisins.

ItoldGreghepromisedmeaTONof

candyandhesaidheonlypromisedHALF.

Thenhesaidadeal'sadealandhegaveme

ajawbreakerandtheboxofraisins.

53

ItoldGregIwasgonnatellhisMOM.And

thenGreggotrealworriedbecausehe

saidhismomwouldbemadathimifshe

foundoutheateallhisHalloweencandy

already.

Gregsaidhewasgonnagivemesomething

WAYbetterthancandy,andhegotout

apieceofpaperandapencilandstarted

drawingathisdesk.

54

WhenGregwasdonehehandedmethe

pieceofpaperandhere'swhatwasonit.

GregsaidGoodBoyawardsareSUPER

rareandyouhavetodosomethingreally

AWESOMEtogetone.

HesaidIwasEXTRAluckybecausethis

wasthefirsteverGoodBoyawardhe'd

evergivenoutanditwasgonnabeworth

alotofmoney.

55

WellIknewGregwasjusttryingtoget

outofgivingmethecandyheowedmeso

ItriedtoactlikeIthoughtthisGoodBoy

awardthingwasdumb.ButsomehowGreg

couldtellIthoughtitwaskindofCOOL.

WellthatwasonlytheFIRSTGoodBoy

awardbutIgotalotMORE.Forthenext

fewweeksGregmademeoneeverytime

Ididsomethingawesomeforhim.

56

AfterawhileIhadaTONofGoodBoy

awards.AndIkepttheminabinderin

clearplasticsheetssotheywouldn'tget

messedup.

ButthenIstartedtofeellikemaybe

myGoodBoyawardsweren'tthatrare

anymoresinceIhadsoMANYofthem.

PlusGregwasmakingthenewonesalot

quickerthanhemadethatfirstoneand

theydidn'tseemallthatspecial.

57

SoonetimewhenGregcalledandasked

metocomedownandhelphimrakehis

yardItoldhimIcouldn'tbecauseIhad

homework.

AndGregsaidthat'stoobadbecausehe

cameupwithatotallynewkindofGood

BoyawardandhewassadIwasn'tgonna

gettoseeit.

IwaslikewellatleastTELLmeaboutit,

andGregsaidheCOULDN'Tbecauseit

wastopsecretandhedidn'twannaruin

thesurprise.

ThenhesaidhewasgonnacallScotty

DouglasandseeifHEwantedtohelprake

theyardandIsaidOKI'llberightover.

58

WellIwishIknewwehadtorakethe

frontyardANDthebackbecauseitwasa

lotofwork.PlusIhadtodoitMYSELF

becauseGregwasbusymakingthatnew

award.

WhenIwasfinallydoneGreggavememy

awardandI'vegottasayitwasevenmore

awesomethanITHOUGHTitwouldbe.

59

ThisnewonewascalledaSUPERGood

Boyaward.GregsaidoneSuperGoodBoy

awardwasworthFIFTYregularGood

BoyawardsandIcouldtotallyseeWHY.

InthenextfewweeksIearnedaBUNCH

ofSuperGoodBoyawardsbutaftera

whileevenTHOSEdidn'tseemallthat

special.

BesidesIwasspendingalotoftimedoing

stuffforGregandIwasn'tgettingmy

OWNchoresdone.

60

ButeverytimeItoldGregIdidn'tneed

anymoreGoodBoyawardshe'dcomeup

withsomethingNEWandthenI'dhaveto

haveTHAT.

AfterawhileIhadsomanyawardsthat

mybinderwasSTUFFEDandIcouldn'tfit

newonesin.SoItoldGregIwasn'tgonna

trytoearnanymorenomatterWHAT.

61

ButGregsaidthat'sOKbecausehemade

upawholeNEWsystemandIshould

probablyjustrecyclemyoldawards.

IwasprettymadbecauseIworkedHARD

forthoseawardsandnowGregsaidthey

weretotallyWORTHLESS.

ButIwasstillcuriousaboutthisnew

systemsoIaskedhimaboutit.Gregsaid

thenewideawascalled"Li'lGoodies"and

itwasaPOINTsystemandtherewasn't

anypaperinvolved.

GregsaidthateverytimeIdidsomething

NICEforhimI'dgetaLi'lGoodiepoint.

AndonceIgotfiftyLi'lGoodiesI'dgeta

FantasticPrize.

62

IwaslikeOKwhat'stheprize?AndGreg

saidhecouldn'ttellmebutitwasundera

sheetinhisbedroom.

WellIcouldn'tfigureoutwhatwasunder

thatsheetbutIcouldGUESS.AndaLOT

ofmyguesseswerethingsIreallywanted.

63

SoIspentaboutamonthdoinglotsof

thingsforGregandhegavemeaLi'l

Goodiepointeachtime,likehepromised.

EventuallyIgottofiftyLi'lGoodies.And

ItoldGregIwasreadytoturnthemin

forthatFantasticPrize.

ButGregtoldmethatsinceitwasthe

firstdayofthemonthmyLi'lGoodie

totalgotresetbacktoZERO.AndIsaid

wellyounevertoldmeaboutthatruleand

hesaidwellyouneverASKED.

IwasreallyMADandIyankedthesheet

offtheFantasticPrizesoIcouldsee

whatitwas.

64

Butguesswhat?ItwasaLAUNDRY

BASKETfilledwithdirtyclothes.

ItoldGreghewasacrummyfriendfor

makingmedoallthatworkforaphony

prize.Buthesaidthelaundrythingwas

justaTESTtoseeifI'dpeekandthat

Ifailedthetest.

ThenhesaidtheREALprizewaslockedin

thebasementandthatnowIwasgonna

havetoearnaHUNDREDLi'lGoodiesto

getit.

AllIcansayisI'mnotaFOOL.I'm

gonnatakemyTIMEearningthoseLi'l

Goodies,soifGregthinksI'minarushto

getthatFantasticPrizehe'sgonnabe

disappointed.

65

THETIMEIFOUNDOUTGREGIS

ALOUSYSTUDYPARTNER

OKIknowthisisGreg'sofficialbiography

andIdon'twanttoputanynegative

stuffabouthiminhere.ButGregifyou

arereadingthisIjustneedtosayyou

areaTERRIBLEstudypartner.Ihope

thatdoesn'thurtyourfeelingsbut

somebodyhastotellyouthetruth.

MostofthetimeIdon'treallyneedto

studyfortestsbecauseIpayattention

inclassandIdomyhomework.PlusMom

alwayssaysit'simportanttogetagood

night'ssleepsoonschoolnightsIgoto

bedextraearly.

66

Butthisonetimewehadareallyhard

chapterinmathandIhadtroublepaying

attentioninclassthatweek.That's

mostlybecauseGregmovedtotheseat

rightbehindme.

ThenightbeforethetestIknewIwas

gonnahavetogooverthechapterand

dosomepracticeproblemsathome.But

whenItoldGregmyplanhesaidweshould

studyTOGETHER.

Iwasn'tsurethatwassuchagoodidea

becausewhenitcomestoschoolstuff

sometimesit'shardforGregtofocus.

67

ButGregsaidwe'rebestfriendsandbest

friendsshouldstudytogethersoIguess

thatmadesensetome.

WelltheFIRSTthingwehadtodo

wasfindaplacetostudy.Gregsaid

wecouldn'tbeatHIShousebecausehis

brotherRodrickwashavingbandpractice.

AndGregwasbannedfromMYhouse

becauseheplayedapracticaljokewhere

heputplasticwrapoverourtoiletbowl

andhegotmydadprettygood.

68

GregsaidweshouldgototheLIBRARY

becauseitwasquietthereandnobody

wouldbugus.SoMrs.Heffleygaveusa

ridetothelibraryafterdinnerandwe

foundatablewherewecoulddoourwork.

WegotoutourbooksandIsaidmaybewe

shoulddopracticeproblemstoseewhat

weneededtoworkon.ButGregsaidhe

hadn'tevenREADthechapteryetsowe

neededtostartfromtheBEGINNING.

Wellthatwaskindofawasteoftime

formesoItoldGreghecouldreadthe

chapteronhisOWNtocatchup.But

GregsaidIwasbeingabadstudypartner

andthatweweresupposedtodo

everythingTOGETHER.

69

IsaidOKfinelet'sstartfromthe

beginningofthechapterandgothrough

thewholething.ButGregsaidbeforewe

gotstartedweneededtoplanourstudy

breakssowedidn'tgettoostressedout.

ThenhesaidweshouldSTARTwitha

breaksowe'dgetoffontherightfoot.

Andthat'swhatwedideventhoughit

seemedlikeabadideatome.

AfterliketenminutesIsaidweneedto

gettoworkbecauseit'salongchapter

andwehavealottogothrough.

70

Welldon'taskmewhybutGregpinched

hisnosewithhisfingersandsaidthe

sameexactthingIsaidbutwithareally

annoyingvoice.

ItoldGregtostopcopyingmebutthat

justmadehimcopymeevenMORE.

71

FinallyIgotsmartandstartedreading

thechapteroutloud.

AfterawhileGregfiguredoutwhatIwas

doingandhestoppedcopyingme.

Itoldhimmaybeitwouldbebetterifwe

bothjustreadthechapterquietly,but

Gregsaidthatwasn'this"learningstyle"

andheneededtomakethingsFUNso

theywouldstick.

Isaidwhatdoyoumean?AndGregsaidhe

knewawaytomakelearningmathintoa

GAME.

72

Firstheballedupapieceofnotebook

paper.Hesaidweshouldtaketurns

readingafewwordsfromthechapter

andtossthepaperballbackandforth

eachtime.Sowetrieditanditworked

foralittlewhile,Iguess.

ButwheneversomeoneDROPPEDthe

paperballGregsaidwehadtostartthe

wholepageOVER.

73

AndsometimesIthinkGregwastryingto

makemedroptheballonPURPOSE.

ItoldGregwewerewastingtoomuch

timeandweneededtodothisanother

way.AndGregsaidhedidn'tcareHOWwe

studiedaslongasitwasFUN.

SoItoldGregatrickmydadtaught

ME.HesaidthatwheneverIhadtrouble

rememberingsomethingIshouldmakeupa

SONGtomakeiteasier.

74

ThenIsangthesongImadeuptohelpme

rememberhowtogettheareaofacircle.

75

Gregsaidthatwasthedumbestthinghe

everheardandIsaidwellifit'ssodumb

thenwhydoIhavea95inmathandyou

onlyhavea72?

IguessGregdidn'thaveagoodanswerto

thatandhesaiditwastimeforanother

break.Soweplayedvideogamesonthe

librarycomputeruntilsomegrown-upreportedustothelibrarianformaking

toomuchnoise.

76

WhenwegotbacktothetableGregsaid

weweren'tstudyingtherightwayand

thathehadanideaofhowwecoulddo

itBETTER.Hesaidhe'dreadtheFIRST

halfofthechapterandI'dreadthe

LASThalfandthenwecouldteamup

duringthetest.

Isaidwellyou'renotallowedtoTALK

duringthetestsoIdidn'tseehowthat

wasgonnawork.ThenGregtoldme

aboutthesemonkswhocantransmit

theirthoughtsthroughtheairifthey

concentraterealhard.

77

SowetrieddoingitbutIguessIcouldn't

concentrategoodenoughtomakeitwork.

Gregsaidweneededtofigureouta

DIFFERENTwaytocommunicateduring

thetest.

Isaidifwejuststudiedthechapter

wewouldn'tNEEDtocommunicate,but

onceGreggetssomethinginhisheadhe

doesn'tletitgo.

Hemadeupthiswholesystemofsneezes

andcoughsandstuffsowecouldtalkto

eachotherduringthetestwithoutour

teacherMs.Becknoticing.Buttherewas

alottoremembersoIwroteitalldown.

78

Isaidwellwhatifoneofusneedstoask

theotherguyaQUESTIONandGreg

saidyoujustputaquestionmarkatthe

end.AndIsaidwellwedon'thaveasignal

foraquestionmarkandGregsaiditcould

beafart.

79

ItoldGregIdidn'tthinkIcouldfartifI

didn'treallyNEEDtoandGregtoldmeto

tryanywayandIdidbutnothingcameout.

SoGregtoldmesomedifferentfoodsI

couldeatforbreakfastthatwouldmake

iteasiertodoaquestionmark.

80

Butthatideamademenervousbecause

thelasttimeIwenttoGreg'swedrank

abunchofsodaandtriedtoburpthe

alphabet,andIgotsickontheletter"B"

andhadtogohomeearly.

GregsaidOKifIcouldn'tfartforREAL

thenitwouldbeOKtomakeafakefart

noiseundermyarm.

81

That'swhenItoldGregIthoughtthis

wasabadideaanditwasCHEATINGto

sendeachothersignalsduringthetest.

GregsaidIwasbeingagoody-two-shoesandthattheonlyreasonIwantedto

getagoodgradeinmathwasbecause

Iwasateacher'spetandIwasinlove

withMs.Beck.

IsaidIwasNOTinlovewithMs.Beckbut

thatIjustlikeherpersonalityandthe

wayshesmells.

SoGregsaidthatPROVESI'minlove

withMs.Beckandthenhesangthatsong

abouttwopeoplesittinginatree.

82

IknewGregwastryingtomakememad

butforsomereasonthesongdidn'treally

bothermethatmuch.

IguessGreggotmadthathewasn't

makingMEmadsohestartedsinging

evenMORE.

83

Itriedtotunehimoutbuthejustgot

louderandlouder.

ThenIwentintothebathroomandtried

tostudyinTHEREbutGregfollowedme.

84

ButIguesssomebodyelsecomplained

becausethelibrariancameinandtoldus

webothhadtogetoutofthere.

Thenshesaidifwemadeanymorenoise

shewasgonnahavetocallourparentsand

havethemcomegetus.Wellthatsounded

greattoMEbutIdon'tthinkGregwas

readytogohomesohepromisedwe'd

quietdown.

Ireallydidn'twannasitatthesametable

asGreganymoresoImovedtooneof

thosedeskswithdividersbetweenthem.

ButGregsatrightacrossfromme.

85

Iwasstartingtogetsomeworkdonebut

thenGregslidanoteunderthedivider.

HehadamathquestionsoIansweredhim

andpassedthenoteback.

AndthenGregaskedmeANOTHER

question.ButIdidn'treallymindbecause

thiswasaMILLIONtimesbetterthan

thewayweweredoingthingsbefore.

86

ButthenGregslidthenotebackandit

hadanotherquestiononitthatdidn't

haveanythingtodowithmathatALL.

WellIcheckedtheNOboxbecauseI

DIDN'Twetthebed.Islidthenoteto

Gregbutthenhewrotesomethingonit

andsliditBACK.

87

Thatmademekindofmadbecausethat's

notwhatIMEANT.ButIdidn'twanna

spendalotoftimeexplainingmyself

becauseIreallyneededtogetbackto

studying.

SoGregwroteANOTHERnoteandslidit

underthedivider.

Ididn'twannatakeadarefromGreg

soIpickedTRUTH.ButIdidn'tlikethe

questionGregcameupwith.

88

ThenGregdaredmetogethimasoda

fromthevendingmachine.Ididn'tknow

thatwasthewaytruthordareWORKED

butIwasjustgladGregdidn'tmakeme

answerthatquestion.

AfterIgotGreghissodaIdidalittlemore

studyingbutthenhestartedupwiththe

notesagain.

89

WellIdidn'tlikeTHATsoIsentbacka

drawingofmyOWN.

AndthenGregdrewanotherpictureof

MEandIdrewanotheroneofHIM.

Afterawhilewefilleduptwowhole

PAGESwithdrawings.

92

GregtriedtostartaNEWpageof

drawingsbutIjustignoredhim.AndI

guesshedidn'tlikethatbecausehekept

tryingtogetmyattention.

Idecidedtomovetoanewspotthat

wasn'tsoclosetoGreg.IwasgladIcould

finallygetsomepeaceandquietbut

THATdidn'tlastlong.

93

Ifyou'rewonderingwhatthat"bang"was

allabout,wellhere'swhathappened.When

Igotupandmovedtoanotherdesksome

grown-uptookmyspot.AndIguessGregthoughtitwasstillMEandhetiedthe

guy'sshoestogether.

Thenwhentheguystooduphefell

backward.

94

AfterthathappenedGreggotoutof

thereasfastashecould.IfiguredI'd

bettergetoutofthereTOObecauseI

didn'twantthatguytothinkIwasthe

onewhotiedhisshoestogether.

IfollowedGregintothechildren'ssection

wheretherewasanemptytable.Heput

hisstuffatoneendandIsatdownat

theothersoIdidn'thavetobetooclose

tohim.

Gregsaidweshouldtakeanotherstudy

breakbutIsaidIwasgonnakeepworking.

ThenGregballedupapieceofpaperand

triedtothrowitinthetrashcanacross

theroom.

95

Hemissedbuthekeptshootingballed-uppiecesofpaperwhichmadeithardforme

toconcentrate.

ThenGregfinallymadeabasketandhe

saidhebetIcouldn'tmakethesameshot

ashim.ButwhenItoldhimIreallyneeded

tostudyhesaidIwastooscaredtotry

andthenhestartedactinglikeaCHICKEN.

96

Itriedtoignorehimbutitwasn'tsoeasy,

ESPECIALLYwhenhegotuponthetable.

ThenallofasuddenGregsatdownonthe

tableandstartedmakinggruntingnoises.

AtfirstIthoughthemightbehavinga

bathroomemergency.Butwhenhegotup

therewasanEGG.

97

WellIdidn'twantGregtolayanotheregg

soIballedupapieceofpaperandtossed

itatthetrashcan.AndIwasn'tlooking

toseeifitwentinbutIguessitDID.

GregsaidmyshotwastotalLUCKand

therewasnoWAYIcouldmakeitagain

evenifItriedathousandtimes.ButI

decidedIwasn'tGONNAtryagain.

98

GregsaidICOULDN'TretirebutIsaid

yeahICOULD.Anditwashisownfault

forgivingmetheideaanyway.

OnetimeIhadmybirthdaypartyatthe

bowlingalleyandGreghitastrikewithhis

firstball.Thenheretiredanditruinedthe

gameforeveryoneelse.

WhenGregcouldn'tgetmetoUN -retirehetriedmakingabackwardshotHIMSELF.

Buthewentthroughlikeamillionpieces

ofnotebookpaperandhecouldn'teven

comeCLOSE.Iwasjustgladhewas

leavingmealonebecauseIwasgettinga

lotofworkdone.

99

IfinishedthepracticetestandthenIwas

gonnagoovermynotesfromclass.But

that'swhenIfoundoutGregwasgetting

allhispaperfromMYNOTEBOOK.

Wellthatmademereallymadbecause

Ms.Becksaidwewereallowedtolookat

ournotesduringtheTEST.

100

SoIgotdownonthefloorandstarted

pickingupalltheballed -uppiecesofpaper.IfiguredmaybeIcouldsmooththepages

outwhenIgothomeandthentapethem

backintomynotebook.

ButGregjustkeptSHOOTINGandhe

finallygotoneinbybouncingitoffmy

HEAD.

WellthatmademereallymadandIstarted

chasingGregwiththategghelaid.

ButIguessweweremakingtoomuch

noiseandthatgotusintroublewiththe

librarianagain.

101

Shemademecallmyparentstocomeget

usandthatwasfinewithME.

Ihadtostayuptwomorehours

uncrinklingmynotesandtapingthem

intomynotebookandwasupANOTHER

halfhourresearchingstuffonmydad's

computer.

102

THETIMEIMADETHEBIGGEST

MISTAKEOFMYLIFE

OKthisisjustparttwoofthatlast

chapterbutIgotsomadwritingitIkind

ofhadtotakeabreak.ButI'vegottatake

somedeepbreathsbecausethischapteris

gonnabeevenHARDERtowrite.

ThenextdayduringthemathtestItried

tousemynotestohelpbuttheywereall

outoforder.

Plusitwashardtoconcentratebecause

Gregkepttryingtoaskmequestions.

103

SomeoftheOTHERkidsweregetting

stressedoutaboutthetesttoobecause

TimothyLautnergotdizzyandMs.Beck

hadtotakehimtothenurse'soffice.

WellassoonasMs.Becklefttheroom

Gregscootedhischairrealclosetomine

andlookedovermyshoulder.

IwhisperedtoGregtogoawaybecause

hewastryingtoCHEAT.ButGregsaid

it'snotcheatingsincewewerestudy

partnersandwebothhadtheexactsame

informationinourbrains.

IguesshehadapointbutIstilldidn'tfeel

GOODaboutit.

104

ThenGregsaidhealreadyFINISHEDhis

testandwasonlytryingtomakesure

Igottherightanswers.Andthatmade

mefeelkindofnervousbecauseIwasn't

positiveaboutafewofthem.

SoIletGregcheckovermytest,and

believemeifIcoulddoeverythingover

againIwouldn'thaveLEThim.

AfteraminuteIstartedthinkingmaybe

Gregwasn'tjustlookingovermytest

tocheckmyanswersbutthathewas

COPYINGme.

105

AnditwastoolatetoSTOPhimsoI

triedtopretenditwasn'thappening.

Gregpushedhischairbacktoitsnormal

spotrightbeforeMs.Beckcameback.

Andwhenthebellrangfortheendof

classshewentaroundandcollectedallof

ourpapers.

106

ThenextdayMs.Beckgaveusour

testsbackandIgotan89.Iwaskindof

disappointedinmyselfbecauseIusually

doalotbetter.ButGreggotan89too

whichwasareallygoodgradeforHIM.

Butifyouthinkthischapterhasahappy

ending,wellguesswhat?ItDOESN'T.

Whenclassendedeveryonegotupto

leavebutMs.BecktoldmeandGregto

stayinourseats.

AftereveryoneleftMs.Becktoldusshe

wantedtotalktousaboutourtests.She

saidshenoticedwegotthesamegrade

andwegotthesameanswersright.

107

ButGregsaidthatmadeSENSEbecause

wewerestudypartnersandweknewall

thesamestuff.

IfeltprettygladGregwasmyfriend

becausehe'srealgoodatexplainingstuff

likethattogrown-ups.

IthoughtMs.Beckwasgonnaletus

leavebutsheDIDN'T.Shesaiditseemed

alittlesuspiciousthatourtestswere

IDENTICALandsheputthemsidebyside

toshowuswhatshemeant.

Wellthat'swhenIfoundoutGregcopied

EVERYTHINGonmytest,evenmy

NAME.

108

109

Ms.BecksaiditwasobviousthatGreg

copiedmypapersohewasgonnahaveto

servethreedaysofdetentionPLUShe

hadtotakethetestover.

IthoughtMs.Beckwasgonnagiveme

detentiontoobutsheDIDN'T.Butwhat

shesaidwasWORSEthandetention.

Ms.Becksaidshewantedustolearna

lessonfromthisandwebothsworeit

wouldneverhappenagain.Ms.Becksaid

wellthat'sgoodbecauseoncepeople

knowyou'reaCHEATERitfollowsyou

whereveryougo.

110

ThenMs.Becksaidwewerefreetogo.

GreggotupandleftbutIgaveMs.Beck

ahugtoshowherIwassorry.ButIthink

maybeIhuggedherfortoolong.

OnthewayhomefromschoolallIkept

thinkingaboutwaswhatMs.Becksaid

aboutbeingacheater.

111

WellIlearnedMYlessonbutI'mnotso

sureaboutGreg.

ThenextdayMs.BeckmadeGregsitin

thebackoftheclassandretakethetest.

ButGregwasaskingmequestionspretty

muchthewholetimeandIhadtopretend

Icouldn'thearhim.

Andifyou'relike"Rowleywhyareyoustill

friendswithGreg?"wellmyansweristhat

Greg'sstillagoodFRIEND,he'sjustabad

studypartner.

Plushe'stheonlypersonIknowwhocan

layanegg.

112

THETIMEGREGTOTALLY

HADMYBACK

OKGregifyou'restillreadingthisthen

sorryifImadeyoulookbadinthelast

twochapters.Butdon'tworrybecause

inthisoneyou'regonnacomeoutlooking

prettygood.

Solastyearourscienceteacherwas

Mrs.Modi,butwhenshehadababythe

schoolgotthisguynamedMr.Hardyto

fillinforher.

IthinkMr.Hardyusedtoteachatthe

schoolalongtimeagoandnowthey

bringhimbackwhenevertheyneeda

long-termsub.

113

IthoughtMr.Hardywasjustgoingtodo

thingsthesamewayasMrs.ModibutI

wasWRONG.AllMr.Hardydideveryday

waswriteourassignmentontheboardand

thenreadathisdeskfortherestofclass.

Afterlikethethirdday,kidsstarted

goofingoffduringclass.AndMr.Hardy

didn'tevenCARE.

114

Onetimeacoupleofkidstriedtokillabug

bydroppingtheirtextbooksonit.Luckily

thebuggotawaybutevenwithallthe

noiseMr.HardyneverlookedUP.

WellmaybeMr.Hardywasn'tbotheredbut

Icouldn'tconcentrateonmyassignments

withallthatcrazinessgoingoneveryday.

115

GregtoldmeIwaswastingmytimedoing

thedailyassignmentsbecauseMr.Hardy

wasnevergonnaevenLOOKatthem.

GregsaidIshouldjustliveitupwith

everyoneELSEuntilMrs.Modireturned

andthingswentbacktonormal.

Wellguesswhat?Mrs.ModiDIDN'Tcome

back.Shedecidedshewantedtobeafull-timemomandthatmeantMr.Hardywas

ourteacherfortherestoftheYEAR.

NowthatMr.Hardywasourofficial

scienceteacherIthoughtthingswould

getbetter.ButtheygotWORSE.

116

ThenonthelastdayofschoolMr.Hardy

announcedhewasgonnagiveeveryone

theirGRADES.Wellthatfreakedoutmost

ofthekidsinmyclassbecausejustabout

everyoneintheredeservedan"F."

Mr.Hardystartedgoingdownthe

aislesandwhisperingeachkid'sgradein

theirear.ButMr.Hardydoesn'thavea

whisperingvoicesoeverybodyelsecould

hearwhathewassaying.

ThefirstkidtogethisgradewasDennis

Diterlizziandhegota"C."ButMr.Hardy

talksrealslowsoitsoundedmorelikethis:

117

Thenextkidgota"C"tooandsodid

everykidafterthat.EvenGreggota"C"

andhedidn'tturninasingleassignment.

Andhewasrealhappyaboutitbecause

hedidn'twannagotosummerschool.

SothenitwasMYturnandIwaskind

ofcrossingmyfingershopingI'dgeta

GOODgrade.ButIgotthesamegradeas

everyoneELSE.

118

SoIguessGregwasrightthatMr.Hardy

neverlookedatthoseassignments.

Mr.Hardymovedontothenextkidbut

allofasuddenGregstoodupandargued

withMr.Hardy.GregtoldhimIwasthe

onlykidwhodidanyworkandthathe'sa

terribleteacherandthatsomeoneshould

reporthimtothePRINCIPAL.

IwasprettyshockedbecauseGregnever

stoodupformelikethatbefore.Fora

secondIthoughtMr.Hardywasgonna

sendGREGtotheprincipal.

ButafteraminuteMr.Hardywhispered

theNEWgradeinmyear.

119

OnthewalkhomeItoldGreghewasa

greatpalfordoingthatforme.AndIsaid

nowwewereevenforthattimeIsaved

himfromTevinLarkin'sbirthdayparty.

ButGregsaidwhathedidformewas

WAYbetterthangettinghimoutof

Tevin'sparty.Hesaidbygettingme

that"B"heprobablyjustsavedmefrom

gettingsomecrummyjoblateroninlife.

120

SoIsaidOKhowmuchmoredoIhaveto

dountilwe'reEVEN?Andthenhedrewa

charttoshowme.

IguessthatmeansI'vegotalongwayto

go.Butthat'sOKbecausemeandGreg

aregonnabefriendsforalongtimeand

I'llgetalotofchancestopayhimback.

121

THETIMEIREALIZEDMAYBEGREG

DOESN'TALWAYSTELLTHETRUTH

SoafterthattimemeandGregwere

studypartnersIaskedhimhowtheheck

helaidthateggandhetoldmehecanlay

anykindofeggheWANTS.

AndIsaidOKthenlayanOSTRICHegg,

andhesaidforthathe'dneedtoeat

alotofpotatochipsandthenhetook

someofmine.

ButafewdayslaterwhenIstoppedby

Greg'shousetopickhimupforschool

hismomgavehimaneggforhislunch.

AndthenIrememberedGregALWAYS

hasahard-boiledeggforlunchandsohemust'vehadoneinhiscoatpocketthe

nightwestudiedtogether.

122

Wellthatmademestarttowonderif

someOTHERstuffIknowaboutGreg

isn'ttrue.We'vebeenfriendsalongtime

andhe'stoldmeaBUNCHofthingsthat

seemedalittleshakysonowI'mkindof

thinkingnoteverythinghe'stoldmeisa

hundredpercentaccurate.

HereareafewthingsI'mstartingto

wonderabout.

1.Gregsaysheisdatingasupermodelbut

theyhavetokeepitasecretsinceher

careerwouldgetruinedifpeoplefound

outshewasdatingamiddleschoolkid.

123

GregsaidwhenevershegoesonTVshe

sendshimsecretmessagesbyblinking.

2.Gregsaysthatonetimehethrewa

Frisbeeandthewindtookitsofarthat

itwentallthewayaroundtheworldand

hithiminthebackoftheheadsothat's

whyhewon'tplaysportsanymore.

124

3.Gregsaysthatthe"star"onthedial

padofaphoneisreallyaSNOWFLAKE

andit'sadirectlinetotheNorthPole.So

wheneverIdosomethingGregdoesn'tlike

hetellsmehe'sgonnareportmetoSanta.

4.Gregsaysthatwhenhewasababyhis

mombroughthimtoamodelingagency

andtheytooksomepicturesfordiaper

creamads.

GregsaidtheadsneverranintheUnited

StatesbutthatifhewenttoChinahe'd

gettotallyMOBBED.

5.Gregsaysthathecameupwiththe

"DE-FENSE"chantatbasketballgamesandeverytimeacrowdsaysithegets

onehundreddollarssenttohisbank

account.

126

6.Gregsayshe's500yearsoldbuthe

doesn'tageandhehastomoveeveryfew

yearssonoonewillfigureitout.Hesays

heknewAbrahamLincolninmiddleschool

andhewaskindofajerk.

7.Gregsaysthere'saformyoucanfillout

attownhalltolegallyadoptanykidyou

want,andthatheadoptedmesonowI

havetodowhateverhetellsme.

127

8.Gregsaysthathecanturnintoany

formofwaterwheneverhewants,but

whenIaskedhimtoturnintoaglassof

waterhesaidtheLASTtimehedidthat

Rodrickdrankhimandittooktwodays

togetbacktohumanform.

9.Gregsaysheonlyusesfivepercentof

hisbrain,andifheWANTEDtohecould

levitateabuildingwithhismind.Isaid

maybeIcouldlevitateabuildingtoobuthe

saidprobablynotbecauseI'malreadyusing

onehundredpercentofmybrain.

128

10.SpeakingofBRAINS,Gregsayshe's

gotESPandhealwaysknowswhatI'm

gonnadobeforeIdoit.

Thatonemightactuallybetruebecause

I'veseenhimdoitabunchoftimes.

AnywayI'mguessingatleastHALFthis

stuffismadeupbutI'mjustwritingit

downhereincaseitISN'T.

AndfortherecordGreg'sbeeneating

aLOTofmypotatochipsoverthe

lastthreeweeksandthere'sstillno

ostrichegg.

129

THETIMEMEANDGREGCAMEUP

WITHOUROWNSUPERHERO

OKthisisprobablygonnabethebest

chapterinthisbookbecauseit'stheonly

onethat'sgotsuperheroesinit.AndI

hopeIdidn'tspoilthesurprisebutevenif

Idid,trustmeit'sstillgonnabeapretty

goodchapter.

Thisonedayitwasrainingsomeand

Gregcouldn'tgooutside.AndGregwasn't

allowedtoplayvideogamesbecausehe

losthistemperplayingTwistedWizard.

130

Mrs.Heffleysaidkidsouragespendtoo

muchtimeinfrontofscreensanyway

anditwasgoodforustotakeabreak.

Thenshegaveussomemarkersanda

sketchbookandtoldusweshoulduseour

imaginationsandmakeupourowncomics

likeweUSEDto.

WelltheLASTtimemeandGregmade

somecomicstogetheritdidn'tturnout

sogoodforme.Andifyoudon'tknow

thewholestorythenI'llgiveyouthe

shortversion.

Inourfirstyearofmiddleschoolmeand

Gregworkedonacomictogethercalled

"Zoo-WeeMama."

131

ButthenGreggotboredofitandsaidI

shoulddoitbyMYSELF.

Andthenmycomicgotintheschoolpaper

andGregwasmadatmeeventhoughhe's

theonewhoTOLDmeIshoulddoit.

Thenwegotinabigfightinfrontofthe

wholeschoolandsometeenagerscameout

ofNOWHEREandtheycaughtmeandGreg.

Thentheymademeeatapieceof

______ thatwasontheblacktop.

132

Istillcan'teatpizzaormozzarellasticks

oranythingelsewith______in

itbutGregsaysIneedto"getoverit"

becausethathappenedalongtimeago.

SoanywaywhenIopenedthatsketchbook

Mrs.Heffleygaveus,therewereabunch

ofZoo -WeeMamasintherethatweneverturnedintotheschoolpaper.

GregsaidIshouldputtheminhere

becausetheyweregonnabeworthalot

ofmoneywhenhegetsfamous.

141

ItoldGregmaybeweshouldwritesome

MOREZoo-WeeMamasbuthesaidthatjokeisstaleandweneedtocomeupwith

somethingNEW.

AndthenGreghadanAWESOME

idea.Hesaidweshouldcreateourown

SUPERHERO.WellIlikedthatideaalot

becauseitsoundedFUN.ButGregsaid

thathedidn'tcareabouthavingfun,he

justcaredabouttheMONEY.

Gregsaidthatifyoucomeupwitha

superherothenyoucansellthemovie

rightsandsitbackandwaitforthe

moneytorollin.

142

Thenwestartedtalkingaboutwhatwe'd

dowithallthemoneyweweregonna

makefromoursuperheroidea.IsaidI'd

gotothetoyaisleatthestoreandI'dfill

upashoppingcartwithasmanytoysasI

couldfit.

ButGregsaidIwasn'tthinkingBIG

enough.Hesaidhe'dbuythewholeSTORE

andwearadifferentpairofsneakers

everydayandhe'dliveinthesnacksaisle.

143

ThenIsaidI'dbuyafancysportscarand

I'dgiveMs.Beckaridetoschoolevery

morning.

Gregsaidweweregonnabesorichwe

couldbuythewholeSCHOOLandfireall

theteachersandhaveepicpaintballfights

inthehallways.

144

Isaidmaybeweshouldn'tfireALLofthe

teachersbecauseMs.Beckisreallynice

andshe'sgoodatteachingmath.

Gregsaidwe'dbesorichwewouldn't

NEEDtolearnmathanymorebutwe

couldkeepMs.Beckaroundbecausewe'd

needsomeonetocountourmoneyfor

us.AndIguessthatmademefeelalittle

better.

GregsaidwehadPLENTYoftimeto

figureoutwhatweweregonnadowith

allourmoneylaterONbutrightnow

itwastimetogetseriousaboutthis

superheroidea.

GregsaidtheFIRSTthingweneededto

dowasfigureoutwhatkindofPOWERS

oursuperheroshouldhave.

145

Isaidmaybehecouldflyorhave

superstrengthbutGregsaidbothof

thoseideasweredumbbecausethey've

beendoneamilliontimesbefore.

ThenIsaidmaybeoursuperherocould

havex-rayvisionbutGregsaidthatwasn'tagoodsuperpowerbecauseonce

heaccidentallysawhisgrandpanakedand

hewishesheHADN'T.

Gregsaidweneededtodosomething

ORIGINALsowestartedcomingupwith

ideasthatnooneeverTHOUGHTof

before.Andtheideaswecameupwith

wereOKbutnotgreat.

148

Theonewelikedthebestwasthisguy

calledtheChucksterwhocouldthrowhis

ownHEADlikeafootball.

ButGregsaidtheChucksterwouldn't

workasanactionfigurebecausethehead

wouldbeachokinghazardforlittlekids.

149

Thenwetriedtocomeupwithsome

charactersthatWOULDbeOKifakid

accidentallyswallowedthembutmostof

ourideasweren'tthatgood.

150

Gregsaidmomsareusuallytheoneswho

buytheirkidstoyssoweshouldcome

upwithsomethingTHEY'Dlike.Butwe

weren'thappywiththatideaeither.

Gregsaidmaybethereasonweweren't

comingupwithanythinggoodwasthat

weweren'taverygoodTEAM.Hesaidwe

shouldeachtryworkingonourOWNand

seewhocouldcomeupwithabetteridea.

Webothdidourownthingandthenwe

showedeachotherourwork.

151

Greg'ssuperherowasaguyfromspace

whohadadifferentkindofpowerin

everyfingertipwhichwasactuallya

prettyawesomeidea.

152

ItoldGreghisideawascoolandweshould

gowithTHAT.

ThenGregsaidwellwhat'sYOURidea?

ButIdidn'twannatellhimbecauseI

knewhe'dlaugh.Andthenhepromised

heWOULDN'TlaughsoIshowedhimmy

character.

153

GregaskedwhatAmazingGuy'ssuperpower

wasandIsaiditwasKINDNESS.Andthat

madeGregbreakhispromiseaboutnot

laughing.

GregsaidasuperheroshouldbeEDGYand

itwouldbecoolifAmazingGuyhadknives

comingoutofhisknucklesandworea

blackleatherjacketandsaidswearswhen

hefightsthebadguys.

ButIsaidIwantedAmazingGuytobe

arolemodelforchildren,andthatmade

Gregbreakhispromiseasecondtime.

154

ItoldGregifhedidn'tlikemycharacter

thatwasfinebutIwasn'tgivinghimany

moneyifIsoldtheMOVIErights.Andall

ofasuddenGreggotrealinterestedin

AmazingGuyandsaidifIgetrichIowe

himhalfthemoneybecauseIusedhis

markersandpaper.

Isaidthatwasn'ttrueandGregsaid

he'dcallhislawyertofindout.Then

GregdialedanumberonthephoneandI

listenedinonhishalfoftheconversation.

ThenGreghungupthephone.Itoldhim

tocallhislawyerBACKbecauseIwanted

toaskhimafewquestions.

ButGregsaidIcouldn'tAFFORDhis

lawyerandIhadtogetmyown.

Gregsaidsinceweweregonnasplitthings

50-50thenwewereequalpartnersandweneededtoworkTOGETHER.Isaid

finebutIstilldon'twantAmazingGuy

tosayswearsandGregsaidOKwe'lltalk

aboutthatlater.

GregsaidtheFIRSTthingweneededto

dowasgiveAmazingGuyan"originstory"

toshowhowhegothispowers.Thenhe

toldmehowOTHERsuperheroesgot

theirpowers.

156

IsaidAmazingGuyjusthadgoodparents

whoraisedhimtobeanicepersonand

that'swhyhedecidedwhenhegrewup

he'dfightforpeoplewhoneededhishelp.

ButGregsaidthat'saTERRIBLEorigin

story.HesaidsomethingEXCITING

neededtohappen,likeAmazingGuygets

hitbyameteororgetsbittenbya

radioactivebugorsomethinglikethat.

AndIsaidOKfinethenAmazingGuygets

hitbyadoublerainbowandTHAT'Show

hegetshispowers.

157

Gregsaidthatdidn'tmakeSENSEbut

hedidn'tfeellikegettingintoadumb

argumentaboutrainbowssowe'dcome

backtotheoriginstorylaterontoo.

Gregsaideverygoodsuperherohasa

secretidentitysoweneededtocomeup

withoneforAmazingGuy.

Isaidhecouldbeanurseatanurgent

careclinicandwhenhegetsoffworkat

6:00p.m.hebecomesAmazingGuyand

thenhelpspeopleuntilhisbedtime.

158

Andnooneknowshissecretidentity,not

evenNurseBeckwhoworkswithhimat

theurgentcareplace.

GregsaidIgotthatnamefromMs.Beck

ourmathteacherbutIsaidnopeit'sjust

acoincidence.

Gregsaidwewerewastingtoomuchtime

talkingaboutstupidstuffandweneeded

todesignAmazingGuy'sSUIT.

IsaidIlikedthesuitIcameupwithjust

FINEbutGregsaiditwasstupidbecause

everyonecouldtellwhohewasifthey

sawhimwalkingaroundinregularlife.

159

GregsaidAmazingGuyneededamask,so

hedrewonethatlookedprettyawesome.

Andheaddedacapetoo.

ThenGregsaidifAmazingGuydoesn't

haveanyrealpowersthenmaybehis

SUITcouldhavepowers.ButIsaid

AmazingGuyhasthepowerofKINDNESS

andhisglovesarepaddedsohedoesn't

hurtthebadguystoomuch.

IsaidIwantedtodoallthedrawings

andGregsaidthat'sfinebuthe'ddothe

WRITING.SoIdrewthisawesomescene

whereAmazingGuyhastoleavework

earlytogofightsomebadguysandIleft

spaceforGregtofillinthewords.

164

ItoldGreghetotallymessedupmycomic

andthatfromnowonI'ddothedrawing

ANDthewriting.ThenGregsaidhewas

gonnacallhislawyeragainandIsaidgo

rightAHEAD.Andevenwhenhesaidhe

wasgonnacallSANTAIwouldn'tbudge.

Gregsaidhedidn'twanttowritefor

mystupidcomicanywaybecausemy

superherowasterribleandhesaidhewas

justgonnawriteIntergalacticMancomics

andIsaidfinebecausemycharacterwas

BETTER.

ThenGregsaidifIntergalacticMangot

inafightwithAmazingGuyhe'dwipehim

outinlikefiveseconds.AndIsaidohyeah

let'sseeaboutTHAT.Sothenwedrew

thisbattleandhedrewHISsuperhero

andIdrewMINE.

166

IguessIgotalittlecarriedawaywith

thatlastdrawingbecauseafterIdrew

itGregsaiditwasprobablytimeforme

togohome.

MaybenexttimeIwon'thaveAmazing

GuyusehisFULLpowersonhisenemies.

BecauseIwouldn'twanthisparentsor

NurseBecktobedisappointedinhim.

THETIMEMEANDGREGHADA

TWO-NIGHTSLEEPOVER

OKyoualreadyknowthisfromthetitle

ofthechapter,butthisonetimemeand

GreghadaTWO-NIGHTSLEEPOVER.AndIbetyouthinkwehadatotalblast

andyouwanttoreadaboutallthewacky

stuffwedid,butguesswhat?Itwasnot

thatfunatALL.

Thereasonthissleepoverhappenedwas

becausemyNanagotsickandmeandmy

parentsweregonnagovisitherbutthen

Mrs.Heffleysaid:

168

WhenmymomsaidOKtothatidea,me

andGregwereHYPEDbecausewenever

hadatwo-nightsleepoverbefore.ButIguessweshould'vewaiteduntillaterto

celebratebecauseofthewholeNanathing.

OnFridaymymompackedmybagfor

theweekendandsheputinanextrapair

ofunderwear"justincase."

Plusshepackedapictureofherandmy

dadsoIcouldlookatitifImissedthem

toomuchwhiletheyweregone.

169

LikeIsaidbefore,thesleepoverwasn'ta

lotoffunbutitstartedoffprettygood.

WeplayedvideogamesinGreg'sbasement

andatesnacks.Thenweprank-calledScottyDouglasandheblewthewhistlehe

keepsrightbyhisphoneforwhenwedo

that.

170

ButthenMrs.DouglascalledMrs.Heffley

totellonusforprank-callingScotty.ThenMrs.Heffleytolduswewere

"bullying"andthatmademefeelashamed.

At9:00Mrs.Heffleysaiditwastimefor

bedandshewentbackupstairs.

IwasprettytiredbutGregsaidhehadan

idea.Thereisthiskidonourstreetnamed

JosephO'Rourkewhohasatrampoline

butheneverletsanyoneuseit.Gregsaid

weshouldsneakoutandjumponthe

trampolinewhileJoewasasleep.

WellIwasn'tsocrazyaboutthis

sneaking-outideabutGregsaidifIwasgoingtobeababyIshouldgoupto

Manny'sroomandsleepinTHERE.

171

IsaidIwasn'tababyandhesaid"Yuh-huh"andIsaid"Nuh-uh."Thenhesaid"Yuh-huhtimesINFINITY"butIwasready

forthatandIsaid"Nuh-uhtimesinfinitySQUARED."AndIthoughtIhadGregbeat

withthatone,buthegotmeanyway

whenhesaid"Yuh-huhtimesinfinitysquaredplusONE."

SowesnuckoutthebackdoorandI

followedGreguptoJoe's.Itwasreally

coldoutsideandallIhadonweremy

jammies,butIdidn'twannacomplain

becausethenGregmightcallmeababy

again.

172

SureenoughallthelightsattheO'Rourkes'

housewereoffsothiswasourbigchance

touseJoe'strampoline.Gregsaidwe

couldn'tmakeanynoiseandthenhe

climbedupanddidabunchofjumpsbuthe

wasrealquiet.

ThenitwasMYturn.Thiswasmyfirst

timeonatrampolineanditwasREALLY

fun,andIguessthat'swhyIforgotwe

werebeingsneaky.

173

ThelightscameoninsidetheO'Rourkes'

houseandtheirdogstartedbarkingand

Gregtookoffwithoutme.Iwantedto

runTOObutit'snotsoeasytostop

bouncingwhenyou'reonatrampoline.

OnceIfinallystoppedIrantothe

Heffleys'houseandwentaroundbackto

thebasementdoor.

174

ButIguessGregwantedtoteachmea

lessonformakingtoomuchnoiseatthe

O'Rourkes'becausehewouldn'tletmein.

ItriedtoshowGregthatIwasfreezing

butIdon'tthinkhereallygotwhatIwas

tryingtotellhim.

Ithoughthewasgonnamakemestayout

thereallNIGHTsoIranaroundthehouse

toseeifthefrontdoorwasunlocked.

175

ButitWASN'TandIkindoffreakedout

alittle.

Thegoodnewsisthatsomeonecameto

thedoorprettyquickbutthebadnewsis

thatitwasMr.Heffley.

176

Mr.Heffleytoldustogetourstufffrom

thebasementbecauseweweregonna

havetostayinGreg'sroomsohecould

keepaneyeonus.

ThenMrs.HeffleycameintoGreg's

roomandsaidshewasdisappointedinus

forsneakingoutandthatmademefeel

ashamedalloveragain.ButIthinkGreg

getsintroubleaLOTbecausehedidn't

seemthatashamed.

177

AssoonasMrs.Heffleywenttobed,Greg

saidIwasdumbformakingallthatnoise

attheO'Rourkes'andEXTRAdumbfor

ringingthedoorbell.IsaidIwassorryfor

saying"wheeee"onthetrampolinebutthe

doorbellthingwasallhisfault.

ThenGregwhappedmewithhispillowand

IwhappedhimBACKbutIguesswemade

toomuchnoiseandthat'swhyIhadto

seeMr.Heffleyinhisunderwearforthe

secondtimeinonenight.

178

Mr.HeffleytoldGreghehadtosleepin

Manny'sroomandallIcouldthinkwas,

who'sthebabyNOW?

ThenextdayMrs.Heffleywokemeup

andsaidbreakfastwasreadydownstairs.

Gregwasinthebathroombrushinghis

teethandhesaidhehopedIbroughtmy

owntoothpastebecauseifIwantedto

usehisIwasgonnahavetopayforit

sinceitwashishouse.

ItoldhimIDIDhavemyowntoothpaste

andthenhesaidIwasgonnahavetopay

forthewaterIusedtobrushmyteeth.

179

IsaidIwasn'tgonnapayforthewater

becauseIwastheguestandguestsare

supposedtogettreatedSPECIAL.

SohesaidifIwasn'tgonnapaywhat

IowedIcouldn'teatbreakfastorany

othermealseither.

IwaslikeyeahRIGHTandthenhesaidI

wasusinghiselectricityandheshutthe

lightoffonme.

WhenIgotdownstairsItoldMrs.Heffley

aboutallthestuffGregsaidupstairsand

shesaidIwasRIGHTaboutguestsbeing

special.

180

ThensheletmepickwhichpancakesI

wantedbeforeGreggottopick.

AfterbreakfastMrs.Heffleysaidwehad

toomuchscreentimethedaybeforeand

thatwehadtofigureoutsomethingto

dountillunch.

GregwasinagrumpymoodsoIdecided

tocheerhimupwithaknock-knockjoke.Buthewouldn'tdothe"who'sthere"part

nomatterhowmanytimesItried.

181

ItoldGregIwasgonnagoupstairsand

tellhismomhewasn'tsaying"who'sthere."

Andthatfinallymadehimdoit.

Isaidwhatdoelephantsdoatnight?But

Gregsaidyou'renotsupposedtoaska

questioninthatpartofaknock-knockjokeandIsaidyesyouare.

ThenhetoldmeIwasdumbandIsaidI

wasgonnatellonhimforTHAT.AndGreg

saidgorightaheadandsoIDID.

182

SoMrs.Heffleycamedownandtold

Greghewasn'tallowedtocallmedumbor

stupidoranyotherbadnameseither.

Butthenwhensheleft,Gregsaidhehada

newnicknameforme.AtfirstIthoughtit

soundedcoolbutthenIfiguredoutwhat

heMEANT.

183

ItoldGregIwasgonnatellonhimAGAIN

butthenGregsaidthatitwasOpposite

Dayandeverythingmeanttheopposite

ofwhatitwassupposedto.

WellIknewwhatheMEANTsoIwentand

toldMrs.Heffley.Butatfirstshedidn't

getmadbecauseshedidn'tknowitwas

OppositeDay.

184

IexplainedittoMrs.Heffleyandshemade

Gregapologize.ButIthinkhemight've

beenbeingopposite.

Mrs.Heffleytoldusthatsometimes

friendsgetoneachother'snervesbutwe

neededtofigurethingsoutsincewehada

wholedaytogoonoursleepover.

185

Shesaidmaybeweshouldspendsome

timeapartandIthoughtthatsounded

likeaGREATidea.SoIhungoutwith

Mannyinhisroomforawhile.

EventhoughIwashavingfunwithManny,

ImissedmymomanddadandIlookedat

theirpicturewheneverIgotthechance.

186

ThenexttimeIsawGregwaswhen

wehadlunch.Mrs.Heffleymadepeanut

butterandjellysandwichesandsheeven

rememberedtocutthecrustsoffmine.

Afterwefinishedoursandwichesshegave

uschocolatechipcookiesfordessert.

ShegaveGregonebutshegavemeTWO

becauseshesaidIwastheguestand

guestsareSPECIAL.

IateoneofmycookiesbutImadeashield

aroundtheothercookiewithmyarmsso

Gregcouldn'tgetit.SometimesifIhave

somethingGregwantshewilllickitsoI

won'twantitanymore.

187

That'swhathedidlastHalloweenwhenI

gotmorecandythanhedid.

ButGregsaidhewasfullanddidn'teven

WANTmycookie.HesaidthatwhileIwas

playingwithMannyhewasreadingabook

aboutmagicandhewantedtoshowmea

trick.IreallylikemagicsoIsaidOK.

FirstGregtoldmetoputmyfingerson

theedgeofthetablesotheywereclose

togetherlikethis:

188

ThenGregtookmyglassofmilkandput

itontopofmyfingers.

Iaskedhimwhenthemagicpartwas

gonnahappenandhesaiditwasALREADY

happeningbecauseIcouldn'tmove.Wellhe

wasrightbecauseifIdid,theglassofmilk

wouldtipoverandspill.AndMr.Heffley

getsmadwhenIspillstuffinhishouse.

ButthenGregsaidhere'stheREALmagic

partandhetookmycookieandateitup.

189

Afterthat,GregwentupstairsbutIwas

stuckatthekitchentable.AndIwasstill

thereahalfhourlaterwhenMrs.Heffley

camebacktothekitchen.

ItoldherwhatGregdidandboywasshe

madbutitwasn'tbecauseofthemagic

trick.ShewasmadthatGregtook

somethingthatbelongedtomewithout

asking.

190

WewentuptoGreg'sroomandthen

Mrs.HeffleytoldmeIcouldpickoutone

ofGreg'sthingstotakehomewithmeso

we'dbeeven.

WellGreghadaBUNCHofcooltoysthat

heneverletmeplaywithsoitwasreally

hardtopick.ButeverytimeIgotclose

tooneofhisfavoriteshekindofletme

knowIshouldn'tpickthatone.

191

Ipickedanactionfigurethatwasaknight

withamissingarmandGregseemedOK

withthat.

ButassoonasMrs.Heffleylefttheroom

GregsaidIcouldplaywithmylameaction

figurebecausehewasgonnaplaywithall

hiscoolstuffbyhimself.

192

ItkindofbuggedmeandIwantedtobug

GregBACK.SoIpretendedIwashavinga

totalblastwithmytoy.

WellitWORKEDandGregsaidIhadto

handoverhistoy.Isaidnowayandhe

saidhewasjustgonnawaitformetofall

asleepandhe'dtakeitbackHIMSELF.

ItoldhimIwasgonnaputtheaction

figuredownmyunderwearsohecouldn't

getitandhedidn'tlikethatidea.

193

ThenGregsaidhe'dTRADEmeforthe

actionfigureandIaskedhimwhathe'd

givemeforit.Gregsaidhe'dgiveme

ninety-ninecentsfortheknightandIsaidOKtothat.

ButthenGregtookadirtysockoutof

hishamperandtriedtogetmetosmellit.

AndIwaslikewhatwasthatfor?And

Gregsaidthatwasmyfirst"scent."

194

IsaidIwantedninety-nineCENTSnotninety-nineSCENTS.ButGregsaidadeal'sadealandthenhetriedtogetme

tosmellanothersockasmysecondscent.

WhenItoldGregIwasgonnagotellon

himagain,hesaidhe'dtrademehisLego

dragonformyknightandIsaidYES

becausethatdragoniswaybetterthana

knightwithnoarm.

195

ButthenwhenIgaveGregmyknighthe

wouldn'tgivemethedragonbecausehe

saidIshould'veremembereditwasstill

OppositeDay.

WellthatwasthelaststrawformeandI

triedtograbthedragonfromGreg.But

itkindofslippedoutofmyhandsandhit

thefloorandbrokeapart.

196

Iguessweweremakingalotofnoise

becausethenextthingweknewGreg's

momwasbackintheroom.Shesaidshe

wasgonnahavetoseparateusforthe

restofthenightwhichwasfinewithME.

Mrs.Heffleysaidthatweeachhadone

halfofthebedroomandthatwehadto

stayonourownside.Sosheaskedme

whichsideIwantedandIpickedtheside

withtheBEDwhichmadeGregmad.

WhenMrs.Heffleywentbacktoher

room,Gregsaidhewasturningonan

invisibleforcefieldbetweenourtwosides.

197

Thenhesaidifsomeonecrossedover

they'dgetzapped.

Gregsaidhewasfinewithmehaving

thebedbecausehecouldsleeponanair

mattressandplusallthefunstuffwason

HISsideoftheroom.AndwhenIreached

overtoGreg'ssideformyactionfigure,

sureenoughIgotzapped.

198

Iopenedthedrawerinthetablenextto

Greg'sbedtoseeifhehadanycomicsI

couldread.Wellthereweren'tanycomics

butoneofGreg'soldhandheldvideogames

wasinthere.

SoIplayeditandGregcouldn'tdo

anythingbecauseoftheforcefield.

ButGregsaidIcouldplayvideogamesby

myselflikeanerdbecausehewashaving

awildpartyonHISsideoftheroomand

Iwasn'tinvited.AndIgotkindofjealous

becausehispartylookedprettyfun.

199

IsaidwellI'mhavingapartyonMY

sideanditwasevenmorewildthanHIS

partyandIhadreallygoodmusic.Greg

saidIcouldn'tevencomeupwithan

originalideabutIstillthinkhewasjealous

ofmyparty.

200

ThenGregsaidtheplugtomyparty

speakerswasonHISsideoftheroomso

hepulleditouttoshutoffmymusic.

GreggotbacktohispartyandItriedto

tellhimtoplugmyspeakersbackinbut

Gregcouldn'thearmebecausethemusic

athispartywastooloud.

201

ButthistimeMR.Heffleycameintothe

roomandGregdidn'tnoticehimstanding

inthedoorway.

Mr.Heffleysaidhedidn'twantonemore

peepoutofusandthenhelefttheroom.

Wewerebothquietforalongtimebut

thenGregtriedtogetmetolaughandI

almostdid.

202

Iwaskindofgladwehadtobequiet

becauseIwasgettingprettysleepy

anywayandIwantedtogotobed.

ItoldGregIneededtobrushmyteeth

andhesaidtoobadbecausetheforce

fieldwasstillonandIwastrappedinmy

halfoftheroomforthewholenight.

SoIaskedifhecouldjustturnoffthe

forcefieldforalittlewhilesoIcouldbrush

myteethbuthesaidoncetheforcefield

isturnedonitstaysonuntilthemorning.

AndthenGregwenttothebathroomto

brushHISteethandcamebacktothe

roomafterhewasdone.

203

That'swhenIrememberedIneedtouse

thebathroombeforeIgotobedevery

nightsoIdon'thaveanyaccidents.

ButGregsaidIwasjustgonnahaveto

holdituntilthemorning.IsaidIcouldn't

MAKEitallthewaytomorningandGreg

saidthatwasn'thisproblem.

IsaidifGregdidn'tshutofftheforce

fieldIwasgonnahavetopeeinthe

Chewbaccamugonthetablenextto

Greg'sbed.Thenhetoldmehehada

specialinvisibleknifethatcouldcut

throughtheforcefield.

204

Gregshowedmehowtheknifeworkedby

cuttingasquareintheforcefieldright

nexttothetablewherethemugwas.

Thenhereachedthroughtheholeand

grabbedthemug.

IaskedGregtocutaRowley-sizedholeintheforcefieldsoIcouldgetthroughitto

usethebathroom.

205

ButGregsaidthekniferanoninvisible

batteriesandtheygotusedupwhenhe

madeHISholesoIwasoutofluck.

ThenGregstartedtalkingaboutallsorts

ofthingsthatmademefeellikeIreally

neededtousethebathroom.

FinallyGreggottiredandhefellasleep.I

thoughtabouttryingtosneakpasthim

butIwasworriedhewasjustfakingit

andIwasgonnagetzapped.

206

AfterawhileIfellasleeptoo.ButIwoke

uparoundsixinthemorningfeelinglikeI

wasgonnaBURST.

Ididn'tcareabouttheforcefieldanymore

butIwasworriedthatifIusedthe

bathroomImightwakeupMr.Heffley.

ButIshould'vejustusedthebathroom

anywaybecauseMr.Heffleywasalready

upfortheday.

207

LuckilyMr.Heffleydidn'tlookupintimeto

seemeinthewindowandwhenhegotto

Greg'sroomIwasalreadybackinbed.

Ifellbackasleepafterawhileandgotup

whenMrs.Heffleysaiditwastimefor

breakfast.

Afterweate,Iwenttogetmyknight

actionfigurefromGreg'sroombutI

couldn'tfindthetoyANYWHERE.

Gregsaidhedidn'tknowwhathappened

toit,butMrs.Heffleysaidhehadtohelp

melookforit.

208

SothetwoofussearchedGreg'sroom

buttobehonesthewasn'tallthathelpful.

IguessMrs.HeffleythoughtGregwas

hidingtheactionfigurefrommebecause

shesaidifhedidn'thanditoverintwo

minutesthenhewasgonnabeinbig

trouble.

Gregsaidheneededtousethebathroom

buthe'dkeeplookingformyactionfigure

afterhewasdone.ButInoticedhehad

somethinginhishandwhenhewentin

there.

209

Greglockedthebathroomdoorand

Mrs.Heffleytoldhimtocomeoutright

thisinstant.Butthenthetoiletflushed

andwhenGregopenedthedoorthere

wasn'tanythinginhishandanymore.

Mrs.HeffleymadeGreggivemeTHREE

toysandthistimeIpickedoutonesthat

WEREN'Tbroken.

Mymomanddadcameandgotmejust

beforelunchandboywasIgladtosee

them.AndP.S.ifyouwantedtoknow

theanswertothatknock-knockjoke,it's"Elephantswatchelevision."

210

THEADVENTURESOF

GREGANDROWLEY

I'mprettymuchuptodateonGreg's

lifesotodayIshowedGregwhatI

wrotesofar.Ithoughthewouldlikeit

buthewasMAD.

Gregsaidthisbookwassupposedtobe

aboutHIMandnotaboutME.Itoldhim

itwashardtowriteaboutjustHIM

becausemostofthetimewedostuff

TOGETHER.

HesaidIneedtogobackthroughthebook

andtakeoutallthestuffwithmeinit.I

toldhimthatwouldbedumbbecausethen

thebookwouldonlybelikeonepagelong.

211

Isaidmaybeweshouldchangethetitle

to"THEADVENTURESOFGREGAND

ROWLEY"anditcouldbeOURbiography.

ThenIsaidsincethere'salotofscary

stuffinthisbookwecouldmakeitintoa

spookyserieswherethesetwopalssolve

mysteries.Wecouldmakealotofmoney

andwe'dBOTHberichandfamous.

Gregsaidthatwasthestupidestideahe

everheard.

HesaidthisbookisaboutHISlifeandif

hewantstohecanchangethenameof

Greg'sbestfriendto"Rupert"andthen

hewouldn'towemeANYTHING.Plushe

saidhe'dmakeRupertreallydumband

droolingallthetime.

212

ThenGregtoldmethebooksmelled

funnyanywayandwhenIbroughtitup

tomynosetosniffitheclosedthebook

onmyface.

213

SoIsaidheywhatwasTHATfor?and

Gregsaidthat'swhatIgotfordropping

himinthepuddle.

ThenhesaidhegotmebackwhenIleast

expecteditandIguesshewasright

aboutTHAT.

ButIwasprettymadandIwhappedhim

withhisownbiography.

WellIguessGregwasn'texpectingTHAT

becausehelosthisbalanceandfellina

bigpuddle.

214

AnywayIamupinmyroomnowandI

amhopingGreg'smomcal lsh imhome

forbedtimesoonbecausehealready

skippeddinner.

I'mgladallthatstuffhappenedtoday

becauseitgavemeawholenewchapterin

ourbiography.I'msurewe'llbepalsagain

tomorrowandwe'llhaveabunchofnew

adventuresthatIcanputinhere.

215

AndI'llbetifwegowithmyideaabout

thescarystuffit'llsellamillioncopies.

ButifGregchangesmynametoRupertI

justwanttosayfortherecordthathe

wethispantsatthatfirstsleepovertoo.

216

OKNowBacktoThisBeingAboutMe

WellifGreg'snothappywithhisbiography

thenIcangobacktousingthisjournalto

writeaboutMYSELF.

SonowI'mofficiallythemaincharacter

ofthisbookagain.Andfromnowonthis

thingisjustgonnabeaboutmeandmy

momandmydadandImightmention

Ms.Beckonemoretimeifthere'senough

room.

Speakingofmymomanddad,aftermy

lastfightwithGregtheycametomy

roomtotalkaboutit.

217

ButIdon'treallythinkIcanaddanynew

friendsbecauseGregtakesupsomuchof

mytime.

IknowmeandGregdon'talwaysget

alongbutlikeMrs.Heffleysaid,sometimes

friendsgetoneachother'snerves.

WellmeandGreggetoneachother's

nervesaLOTsoIguessthatjustproves

thatwe're