guiding your strong willed child, week 2.1
Post on 17-Jul-2015
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Guiding Your Strong Willed Child
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Hello.
• Krista Keintz
• Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA)
• American Montessori Society (AMS)
What is Applied Behavior Analysis?
• Applied
– Real world practice. It is applying basic science to improve the lives of people.
• Behavior
– Any action of any living thing. For our purposes we are interested in observable and measurable behavior.
• Analysis
– A scientific study. We are going to allow our teaching to be guided by what really works!
Guiding Your Strong Willed Child
• Parenting is personal – My goal is to help you be the parent you want to be
• Equip you to effectively, purposefully & consistently parent – Community, science, techniques, support & practice
• Designed to be a lifestyle change, not a diet – Invest & expect measurable growth over time
Week 1. Defining Strong Willed
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Session Overview
Community At-Home Extensions
Content Science of Behavior
Collaboration Time for Your Family
Week One
Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children
Content Operational Definitions
Collaboration Daily Five & Name the
Good
Spirited Child?
• “The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children…" {continue reading in your binder}
Kurcinka. Raising Your Spirited Child. (2006)
Community
Strong Willed Child?
• Pluses – “usually have a very strong sense of independence… typically
also assertive, confident, determined & persistent”
• And, minuses – “a strong sense of independence also frequently leads these
children to become stubborn, argumentative & defiant”
• You are not alone – 48% of parents of 2-6 year olds informally surveyed by the
authors described their child as “strong willed”
Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)
Community
A Poll
• How many of the following describe your child’s behavior?
Adapted from Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)
Community
Disobedient Resists anything
done to him Bossy
Broadway-style tantrums
Argues Aggressive
Demands attention Cries to get her own way
Destructive
Stubborn Very sensitive Doesn’t respond
to discipline
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOazMm9sVw
Community
The Power of the Will
• “There are books that use the term “strong-willed” to discuss a child who cannot or will not cooperate with adults or family members – a child who, in fact, does not have a developed “will.” In Montessori education, we focus instead on the development of the will as the positive force that enables us to learn from our environment and society and to make a contribution to them” (24).
Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)
Community
A Developed Will
• A child who can say… – “I can focus my energies.
– I can restrain my actions.
– I can control my impulses.” (25)
Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)
Community
Week One
Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children
Content Operational Definitions
Collaboration Daily Five & Name the
Good
Nuts & Bolts of Behavior
Operational Definitions
Antecedent
Original Behavior
Replacement Behavior
Consequence
Content
Today’s Gift from Science
Operational Definitions
Content
Operational Definitions
• Objective – Did I use only observable characteristics?
• Clear – Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?
• Complete – Does it include everything I want to include & exclude
everything I want to exclude?
Content
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKukwm9ODo
Content
Why Bother?
• Aid to Communication
• Right Response to Behavior
• Antidote to Nebulous Feeling of Guilt
Content
Aid to Communication
• Observable description of behavior
• Specifically descriptive
Content
MC Esher Optical Illusion via lolriot.com
Right Response
• Sometimes we see things that are not really there
• Not a problem until it ’s time to clean the floor
Content
Nebulous Feeling of Guilt
• Sometimes we write historical fiction about our children’s behavior – short on facts, long on drama
Content
Extreme Makeover – O.D. Content
Before After
We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new
baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.
She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.
We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.
Extreme Makeover – O.D. Content
Before After
We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new
baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.
Screams, “No, don’t leave me!” while grabbing onto parent
She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.
Drops to the floor and throws backpack in front of classroom
We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.
Kicks and screams for over one minute in a shopping cart
Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
Content
Not-A-Test
• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.
Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry
Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well
Longer than a minute Happy Throws object
• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior
Content
Week One
Community Different Perspectives on Strong Willed Children
Content Operational Definitions
Collaboration Daily Five & Name the
Good
Daily Five Preparation
• Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family – Forest to Trees • Begin with “fixed” time specific items (drop-off, pick-up,
bedtime…) – UNDERLINE
• Add detail in areas with “fixed” routines (getting ready for school, bedtime routine…) - REGULAR
• Feel free to add common but not fixed items – STAR
Collaboration
Daily Five Preparation
• Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family – Workshop Additions • DAILY FIVE: Pick one, 5 min window for Daily Five
• EMAIL: Decide when you will try to email your 30 sec video clip to me
• HAT MEETING: Pick one, 30 min window each week for Parent’s HAT Meeting – How Are Things?
Collaboration
Daily Five – Name the Good
• This week, play the “Name the Good” game o Set aside 5 minutes to “play” each day
o Consider just joining into child’s existing play
o No demands, corrections or questions! o This should be experienced as really easy & fun for your child
o Your Interaction Options: o SPECIFICALLY describe: “You painted using red & purple”
o Link behavior to its NATURAL positive consequence: “You shared your car with me! That makes me want to share my car with you!”
o ONLY highlight those things you would like to see your child do more of!
Collaboration
“How Are Things” Meeting
• Consider having a How Are Things meeting with your parenting partner each week of the workshop
– If one or both parents miss a workshop, this is mandatory… or else!
• Plan for 30-minutes of kid-free time
• Review slides, talk over life & operational definitions, drink hot cocoa…
Collaboration
Your At-Home Extension
• Self evaluation o Did you set aside 5 minutes to “play” each day?
o Did you avoid making demands, corrections or asking questions?
o Did you specifically name what the child was doing? o Did you decide to SPECIFICALLY describe or link behavior to its
NATURAL positive consequence?
o Did you Name the Good by highlighting ONLY those things you would like to see your child do more of?
• Email me by this weekend (SUNDAY night at latest) – 30-second video of you playing Name the Good
Collaboration
Questions, Comments?
• Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com
• Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com
Collaboration
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