hello i’m emily(

Hello I’m Emily(:

You can Judge me all you want after this because I really don’t care

You see me as Emily the Cheerleader for Liverpool High School

I smile all the time but under that is something that I’m holding back

I’m going to start off small.1 I’m like the rest of us. I get bitched at non stop from my family and friends how I’ll never bee good enough.

2 My bad relationship. In one relationship I was verbally abused non stop. It got to the point where I had no control and no one to turn too for help. He did something to me.. Some people know some people have seen the pictures. Lets just put it as rape.

Because of what someone did to me I feel like the biggest whore in Central New York. Also for something that is recent. But in the end I just got played, Like normal.

I have the lowest self confidence. I feel like I can’t be the real Emily with out being judge really badly.

Everyday Someone tells me Or I over here that I’m not good enough, I’m too ugly for Society I’m too fat I need to diet.

Something people don’t know is

In 6th grade I was bullied about my weight when I already was insecure with myself

so…

My life changed when I stopped eating.

Not a single person knew. I wasn't planning on having it for a while just for a week.

I got addicted to the feeling that I was getting skinnier and skinnier

In 7th grade I still had it. People would still say something like Oh look at Emily she's so fat and Ugly!

So I decided I need to keep this up and never stop until I was good enough. I would never eat in school. For dinner it would be something really small.

In 7th grade I played lacrosse. I tried out for my school team Soule road Middle school. Since I wouldn’t eat for a couple of days I would cough up blood every time we would run or I had a feeling that I was going to faint. So I had to quit.

At this point I knew people would think I’m messed up or even more stupid. But I my head I knew I had Anorexia

When I would go to my friends house. I would say I’m not hungry I had this and that. If I did eat I would regret it later

By the time 8th grade came I wasn’t so bad. I still wouldn’t eat much. But it was nothing to what I was like in 7th grade.

8th grade was the year I knew I had to stop. But in my head I can here people saying Emily is fat Emily is such a fatass Emily is gross Emily isn't good enough.

In my mid 8th grade year. I was almost completely better.

But when you go that long with out eating normal amount. You can’t put in normal amount of food.

In school I wouldn’t eat much because my body wouldn’t take it well. I couldn’t eat in the Cafeteria like the rest of the people. I would have to go into another room with a couple other people because of that feeling that everyone is watching you eat.

Now I’m in 9th grade at Liverpool High School. I still have those thoughts in my head how I’m not good enough, I’m fat and ugly. But I’m not going to put my body threw that again.

This is my body now. I have to excepted it, Because its part of me.

I’ve never really asked anyone for help or told anyone about this in my family. And I will always keep it a secret.

So think, Next time before you insult people think about what there going threw. Because you never know.

Thank you for watching.