my life - story extract
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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in or introduced into a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise),
without the prior written permission of the copyright
owner / author.
Copyright 2008 (c) Arti Honrao, all rights reserved.
Cover Photograph by Joanna Ohmori, Japan.
Publishing rights reserved with Sai-Kiran
Publications
www.saikiranpublications.com
ISBN 978-81-907134-0-5
Book printed by Saibaba Printers
Chembur, Mumbai.
Price: Rs. 100
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My Life Story
Arti Honrao
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The author would like to
dedicate this book to Gloria
Blier who has been
author’s inspiration for
many years.
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Special thanks to Janice
Thomson for her
encouragement during the
writing of this short story.
Thanks to Saptarshi Das
for editing the story.
Author would also like to
thank all her friends who
supported her and
encouraged her to go
ahead with the idea of
publishing this short story.
Last but not the least, the
author would like to thank
her family for supporting
and understanding her
while she spent time
writing.
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This story is a work of fiction. Names,
characters, places and incidents are either
the product of the author’s imagination or
are used fictitiously and any resemblance to
any actual person, living or dead, events, or
locale, is entirely coincidental.
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My Life-Story is the story of Kavya who believes
in living each day as it comes. As she narrates
her story we realize how her carefree nature
extinguishes in the storms of her life and how
she finally learns to take her own decisions.
Leaving her house to marry the man of her
choice and beginning life anew, she finally
finds herself standing face to face with her
family during a critical situation. What happens
then plays a major role in shaping her life.
During the course of this journey, she meets
Shantanu, who has a positive influence on her
life. How she copes with the challenges of her
life and how she struggles to find her lost
individuality is the center-point of this story!
The story also lays emphasis on how her love
for her husband blinds her and forces her to
undergo emotional turmoil till finally she
decides to fight back.
What role does Shantanu play in her life? What
happens in her life that almost brings her to the
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stage of losing her sanity? Does she succeed in
coming out of all these? Does she turn out to be
a survivor? Read along as Kavya tells us her
story …
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I always believed in living each day at a time
until life threw circumstances my way, compelling me
to take those firm decisions. Some decisions change
your life altogether, this one sure changed mine.
Though my life was not a roller coaster ride all the
way, it did have its ups and downs; more of downs,
you can say. Stability knocked on the doors of my life
very late stage. However, as they say, “Better late
than never.”
Stability came in the form of Shantanu. He was
like the first drop of rain falling on the scorched
earth after a long hot summer. Like the fragrance of
wet earth, which seeps into your being, giving the
absolute ‘feel good’ about life; like the sound of the
brook to the ears of the person who has been thirsty
for a long time… like the ray of light for the person
trapped in the dark for years. In other words,
Shantanu was the hope of my life.
Shantanu was my husband’s friend. I say, “was”
because my husband did not consider him a friend
after what Shantanu did to him; rather, what he
thought Shantanu did to him. According to my
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husband, Shantanu broke apart our marriage of
more than seven years. However, if you ask me, I
would say Roshan gave this excuse to save him from
the humiliation of not being able to keep his wife
happy and take care of her.
There are a few relationships, which are
indefinable; not because they are not worth it, rather
because they do not fit in any charter - they are
beyond definitions. A few people simply call these
relationships as friendships but most look at it with a
disgusted look. My relationship with Shantanu was
one such non-definable affair. A nameless
companionship! We were not lovers but then we were
not mere friends either. There was something special
that we shared; something that was beyond flesh,
beyond all the material things. Perhaps neither could
understand it ever.
Today, as I look back at those days of my life I
ask myself a question, would I have married
Shantanu had I been given the chance? The answer
comes almost immediately – NO. Though I am a
mother to his daughter, he was never the man I was
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looking for as a partner. I could never ever imagine
sharing a bed with him. He was the best thing to
happen to me, no doubt about that, but that was it.
We were destined to meet and travel the journey of
life together as two strangers who met along the way
and would then go their ways at a later stage of the
journey. Shantanu went his way to heaven, even
before I got the chance to fall in love with him. I
wonder whether I would have fallen in love with him,
if he were alive. I cannot answer this question
because I am not sure. After all that I went through
in my life, I know one thing – life has its own ways
and it is unpredictable.
Unlike this unanswered question of my life, one thing
is clear – my decision to end my marriage of more
than seven years was the right decision. A decision I
could take because of Shantanu’s support.
Though the journey of my life started when I was
born, my real life-story starts on the day when I first
stepped into my sister’s engineering college to submit
my admission form. From then on, I had no control
as to whatever happened. It was as if I had been
possessed! As I said earlier, I always believed in
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living each day as it came and so I just went on
flowing with the tide, until finally I hit the shore. A
few said I hit the wrong shore but I believe I finally
reached the right shore after being tossed around by
the storms of my life.
Roshan was one of the team members sent to
Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology to recruit a new
breed of talented computer engineers for their
companies. He was assigned to interview my sister
and as I waited for her to come out of the room so
that we could have lunch together, I was completely
unaware what was going to hit me after a few
minutes. I was hungry and frustrated and it was
getting late for the movie with friends. I wanted to
leave but my sister had requested me to wait for her.
After what seemed like eternity, she walked out of the
room. The expression on her face told me that the
interview was not very good. However, my eyes
shifted immediately from her to the person walking
out of the same room. He was tall, dark and let me
add … very handsome! He wore an executive suit
and a necktie. I could not stop myself from staring at
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him. It was only after my sister pulled at my sleeve
that I bothered to follow her to the college canteen.
It was a blessing to see him following us to the
canteen and while my sister and I had our lunch I
often glanced at him from the corner of my eyes.
After lunch, I grabbed a sandwich and rushed out of
the canteen pushing the sandwich inside the bag. I
was already late for the movie and my friends were
waiting for me when I reached the cinema hall. We
walked inside hurriedly and occupied our seats.
During the intermission, when I walked out to get
some popcorn for my friends, I saw him again, eating
a sandwich. He was wearing casuals this time.
Strange, I thought, when did he get the time to
change? I did not realize that he had been inside the
cinema hall. Little did I know he had overheard my
conversation with my sister and knew I would be
here, watching a movie with friends. He had
managed to change and arrive just before the
interval. I was both shocked and happy to see him
walk towards me…
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“Hi.”
“Hello.”
“Nice movie, huh?”
“Yeah sort of,” I replied, feeling a bit awkward.
He had started the conversation as if we had known
each other for a long time.
“Roshan.” he said extending his hand.
I shook hands with him and smiled, unsure whether I
should tell him my name.
“Nice meeting you Kavya!”
How did he know my name? I thought. As if knowing
what was going through my mind he said,
“I heard your sister call out your name as you
were leaving the canteen.”
“Oh.”
He would have tried to strike a conversation with me
but people had already started returning because the
movie was about to start again.
“Aren’t you coming in?” I asked
“I have a phone call to make; I’ll come in some
time.” I said goodbye and walked inside. On my way,
I saw him shove a 500-rupee note in the hands of the
guard. He walked out of the cinema hall.
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When I returned home, I walked straight to my
room; I wanted to tell my sister about this man. I
should have known her reaction but then I was too
excited. The idea that someone would want to come
and talk to me seemed exciting. The first statement
that she made after hearing what I had to say was,
“Stay away from that man, okay?”
Elder sisters always boss around; this was my
reaction to my sister’s warning.
“Just because you were cheated by some guy does
not mean that every guy is wrong.” I got the answer I
deserved for this statement. Shraddha slapped me
and walked out of the room.
I wanted to take out my frustration and hence I
started throwing things around the room, that night I
did not have my dinner and my sister decided to
spend time in the study, working late on her project.
Dad knew nothing about the episode.
The next day I had to submit forms to
engineering colleges, I needed my sister’s help for
confirming certain details but I was adamant. I did
not ask for help. As she walked into the room, I could
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make out she had not slept the entire night. She had
perhaps cried also.
“I ‘m sorry di.”
“Did you fill your submission forms?”
“Admission forms.” I corrected her.
Shraddha took a deep breath and walked towards me
and kissed me on my cheek, whispering,
“Sorry.” Then we hugged.
“I shouldn’t have slapped you.”
“But what I said was wrong.”
“Good you realized that.” Shraddha said as she
placed her spectacles on her nose.
“Now let us fill the forms, you are getting late.”
She said sitting down.
I got ready to go and through the mirror, I saw
something I had never seen happening before. My
sister was staring at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked
She shook her head and as if winning over some
internal conflict, she said,
“Take care” and, kissed my cheek. My sister was
behaving strangely. Something had changed the
moment I told her about Roshan. It was as if she had
undergone a sudden transition from being my sister
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to being my mother. Oh yes, she definitely cared for
me like a mother after my mother’s death but this
seemed different.
“Di!”
She wiped her tears and smiled
“I will take care of myself … and … I will stay
away from him,” I assured her.
The day was hectic and by the time I finished
submitting forms to colleges, I was exhausted. My
friends said goodbyes and left. I had no strength left
to wait for the bus, so I decided to hail a cab but none
was available. As if destiny was playing its card yet
again, I saw him. This time I was sure it was not a set
up. He stopped his bike in front of me when he saw
me trying to stop a cab.
“Hi!”
“Hello.”
Stay away from that guy. Shraddha’s words echoed
in my ears.
“You look tired.”
“Yeah”
I looked around hoping to spot an unoccupied cab
but none was around, damn!
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“Want a lift?”
“No, thanks … I will manage.” I will take care
of myself … and … I will stay away from him, I
heard my own voice.
“Come on, I will drop you home.”
I considered the offer, after all, it was just a ride, and
it was not going to hurt. Anyways, I did not intend to
take the ride all the way home. I sat on his bike still
maintaining distance and he started the ignition. He
drove cautiously avoiding rough turns and sudden
brakes and I rather liked it. I asked him to stop a few
lanes before my house and after goodbyes; I walked
the distance to reach home.
We met a few more times after that, accidentally.
Sometimes it was obvious that he was waiting for me
but most of the times it was genuine coincidence.
After a few accidental meetings, he officially asked
me out – a date! I wanted to say no because I still
remembered my promise to Shraddha, but on the
other hand I wanted to go, I really wanted to. Finally,
I decided that one evening would not harm much,
though it meant that I had to lie to Shraddha. I
arranged everything and walked out of the house to
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attend a friend’s birthday party. My first date with
Roshan was wonderful.
We did not do anything special but it was special.
We watched a movie; we went to the seashore and
walked. He behaved like a perfect man. I was
comfortable in his presence and that is what mattered
to me. By this time, as much I knew him, I was sure
of one thing: that my sister’s views were biased.
I did not know who the guy was. I was never told
because my father considered it best for me. I had
seen Shraddha crying for hours, I had heard her
muffled cries. I wanted to hug her and I did, but
pretending that I put my arm around her in my sleep.
Dad was furious when he had come to know about
her affair though the break up softened him a little.
He understood that Shraddha had learned a lesson
the hard way. However, he was still upset with her.
Because of my Dad’s reaction, even I was compelled
to hide my emotions.
“Hello.” Roshan said waving his hand in front of
my eyes.
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“Sorry.”
“What were you thinking?”
“Nothing.”
“You want to go home?”
“Yes.”
He dropped me to the place where he had
dropped me the first time. The moment I got down
from his bike, he said bye and rode away. I smiled.
Back home, I was tempted to tell Shraddha about the
date but I did not.
Roshan and I met several times after that, every
time I had to think of some new excuse to walk out of
my house. It did make me feel guilty but I could not
do anything about it. So many times, I wanted to tell
Shraddha about it but most of the times she was busy
studying and when she was not busy, I could not
garner enough courage to tell her.
One night when Dad returned home from his
business tour, he was very happy because he had
bagged a very important assignment. Shraddha was
happy too. I had a very good chance of taking
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advantage of the situation, and telling Dad and
Shraddha that I was in love with Roshan, but there
was a major problem. I did not know how Roshan felt
about me. Therefore, I decided to talk to him first.
The next time we met, I straightaway asked him
how he felt about me and he said that he cared for
me.
“That’s it?”
“No, I care for you a lot. Does that help now?”
he smiled
I was silent.
“Your sister hates me.” Roshan said after a
while. I looked at him, surprised.
“You know her?”
“Yes. Long before you came in my life.”
“And … how is that?” my heart started beating
faster.
“I was in her college. I was her senior and…”
“And…?”
“We spent time together in college; I helped her
in her studies. One day…” Roshan took a deep
breath.
“One day… what?” I enquired.
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“She said she loved me.” I sat there, next to him,
too shocked to react. Now I knew he was the guy who
had cheated her! Tears gathered in my eyes.
“So, you are the person.” I said in an angry tone.
Roshan turned to look at me.
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you angry at
me?”
He was expecting an answer but I did not say
anything. I simply got up and left the place.
I cried on my way back home. There were many
thoughts clogging my mind; I was not able to think
clearly. I wanted to go back home and talk to
Shraddha. I opened the door and ran towards my
room expecting Shraddha to be there, studying.
However, she was not around. My mobile sprang to
life. It was Roshan trying to call. I did not attend his
call. I had to know what had happened between both
of them but I had to hear my sister’s side of the story
first. I was pacing the floor when Shraddha entered
the house.
“Where were you?”
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“In the library, what’s wrong?” she said keeping
the books on the desk
“You look worried.” She walked towards me
“I want to talk to you.” I said with tears in my
eyes.
“Sit down” she held my hand and made me sit on
the bed.
“What is wrong? Assure me you did not do
something foolish”
I shook my head.
“Okay, now tell me what is wrong.”
“It is about Roshan.”
I could see her expression changing.
“What about him?” she asked
“I know.”
“What? Come on, stop beating around the bush,
tell me in plain English, and do not try my patience.”
“I know that Roshan is the guy who cheated
you.”
Shraddha stared at me with her mouth open.
“He told you?” she asked.
I nodded. She looked away, clearly to hide her tears.
“Wait a minute,” she said in a surprised tone
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“When did he tell you? I mean, you have been
meeting him?”
I was silent.
“I told you to keep away from that man!” She
shouted
At that moment I realized what my sister wanted to do
all this time, she wanted to keep me away from
getting hurt.
“I am sorry.”
“No use saying sorry if you don’t really mean it.”
“I mean it.”
“When you promised me that you will keep away
from Roshan you had meant it.”
I had no answer for this because she was right. We
both were silent. She was silent trying to take in
whatever she heard from me and I was silent,
thinking of how to ask her about her story. The
sudden ring of my mobile broke the silence. She saw
the display. It was Roshan trying to call me. I thought
she would attend the call and shout at Roshan but
instead of doing anything of that sort she turned
around to walk out assuming that I would attend the
call.
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“I want to talk to you.” She looked at me and
then at the mobile
“You are not going to attend the call?”
“Not before you tell me exactly what happened
between the two of you.” There, I had said it!
“Why don’t you ask him?” she said angrily.
“Because, you are my sister and I want to hear it
from you first.”
“First! That means you will verify it later
with him?”
She asked sarcastically
“Come on now; let us not get into this. I want
to know what happened.”
“Why?”
“Because …” She was waiting.
“Because I love him”
“You … what?”
“I love him di and this really hurts. It hurts to
know that your sister loved the same person you love
now.”
She waited for a moment, unsure what to say.
She was clearly hurt to know that I loved Roshan.
Finally, making up her mind, she said,
“He is not the right person for you.”
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“Just tell me what I want to know.” I had hurt
her again, I knew it, but I was helpless. I was in love
and my mind was too disturbed that moment to think
of anything other than clearing the blurred picture of
betrayal.
She sat next to me and started telling me …
“Roshan was my senior in college. He had
ragged me once but then we became friends. He
helped me in my studies and one day as we were
sitting in the library after college he told me that he
loved me.”
“He told you what?” I interrupted.
“That he loved me,” she repeated.
“But Roshan told me that you said you loved
him.”
“Yes, I did but that was after he confessed his
feelings for me.”
I closed my eyes.
“He said he loved me and before I could react he
kissed me on my lips and then I reciprocated. I told
him that I loved him too.”
I was listening with hands folded under my chin.
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“We sat in the library till it was late and I had to
return home. He dropped me home and while leaving
he kissed me again, longer this time.” I hated to hear
the details but I had to go through all this.
“Then?” I asked
“We met regularly: in college, after college at
friends’ place for parties, etc. Remember the night I
returned home very late and Dad was furious?” I
nodded. I remembered it very well; it was the first
time Dad had slapped Shraddha.
“That night I was with him. We were at a party
and I just do not know what happened. I started
feeling giddy and Roshan took me to a room and …”
I did not want to hear what happened next and I
was glad that my mobile rang again but soon I was
angry when I saw whose call it was. I picked up the
mobile and smashed it against the wall, walking out
of the room. I could hear Shraddha crying in the
room, perhaps she heard me crying too. It was not
over yet. I had to go through much more than this. I
had to know how they broke up. I wiped my tears and
went back in. Shraddha was still crying. I sat next to
her and placed my hand on her shoulder. As if
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knowing why I had come back she started talking
again.
“That night Dad came to know about my affair.
Someone told him that I was with Roshan. Dad
warned me not to meet him again. I did not see
Roshan for a few days after that. I was trying to come
out of what I had just done and did not try to contact
him. I thought he would but he too did not call me.
Obviously, he needed time too. After a few days I
tried to call him on his mobile, his friend answered.
He told me that Roshan had left Bombay. I e-mailed
him several times, trying desperately to get in touch
but he never replied. Dad realized something was
wrong and asked me what had happened. I told him
about that night and, how Roshan had cheated me.
That day, for the first time ever I saw our Dad cry.
That day I promised myself that I would never do
anything to hurt him again and also that I would
never let you take any wrong decision.” She hid her
face in her palms and started weeping.
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I was crying too. I could not believe what I had
heard but I had to believe. There was no reason
Shraddha would lie to me.
She wiped her tears and said,
“That day during the interviews, I saw him after
so many years…”
“Did you talk about this?”
“He wanted to but I did not want to talk about it.”
I then realized, that day, the look on her face; it was
more than the frustration of a bad interview. She was
disturbed. That night we both could not sleep
properly. Shraddha looked out of the window and I
stared at the ceiling. There was a strange play of
emotions going on inside me. Anger, love, betrayal,
frustration! I could not believe that I had fallen prey
to the same old game.
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