reframing failure
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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Lesson #1 Every step counts. Lesson #2 Don’t give up too soon.
Lesson #3 Forget the excuses. Look for opportuniDes everywhere. Lesson #4 Set a challenging goal.
Lesson #5 It’s only in your mind.
Lesson #6 Never regret.
Lesson #7 Look forward to your next challenge.
Lesson #8 The price of failure is higher than the price of taking risks. Lesson #9 There’s always a bright side.
Lesson #10 Change yourself.
Lesson #11 Avoid being a perfecDonist.
Lesson #12 A failure is an incredible learning experience. Lesson #13 Try it.
Lesson #14 A floor from which to jump.
Lesson #15 The hidden power of laughter.
Lesson #16 What luck really means.
Lesson #17 Be a good student and build out from your weaknesses.
Lesson #18 Learn about yourself -‐ ‘I’ve never… bragged’
Lesson #19 Change your strategy. Try once more.
Lesson #20 The “Not losing” Strategy.
Lesson #21 Your aTtude should be to move your feet.
Lesson #22 Say NO. The Best is yet to come.
Lesson #23 DeterminaDon.
Table of Contents
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive people; they are vexaDons to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and biYer; for
always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however
humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of Dme. Exercise cauDon in your business
affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affecDon. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears
are born of faDgue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You
are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or
not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with
God, whatever you conceive Him to be and whatever your labors and aspiraDons, in the noisy confusion of
life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is sJll a beauJful
world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Every Step Counts Lesson #1
…they are full of life, aTtude, emoDons, wishes, dreams, and feelings. You shouldn’t take falls as failure but as clean slates.
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When you fall and get up, the first steps are the hardest, the toughest, almost like baby steps; they
Every step is a step forward… even a step backwards is a step forward. -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“ are also confused, erraDc, liYle… even uncomfortable and a bit difficult to take but they are also full
You can start again, get to know life one more Dme and not everyone has that chance. There is an enJre world to be conquered. There is that longing for victory, survival, conquest. And nothing should stop you from geTng up and going forward.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Failure, most of the Dme, is the result of giving up too soon.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Don’t Give Up Too Soon Lesson #2
Time truly does heal everything. It has the ability to let us forget the steps we took that were wrong and allows us to focus on the good ones. Time gives us perspecDve. In many occasions, it will take longer because bad moments hurt and some hurt more than others. It can take years, but we need to be prepared to embrace that and let go of the grudge.
Even with the smallest things, Jme allows us to slowly learn to keep the good and let the harmful stay in the past.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Don’t Give Up Too Soon Lesson #2
Doing is hard, because we humans are fearful by nature and need to learn to get out of the safe zone. We will be counDng sheep for nights and days if we don’t. As helpful and valuable as Dme is, our lives our finite so we have only a rather long period of Dme, but a finite period, between our birth and our goodbye. That Dme in the middle, has an ending and we need to make the most out of every minute. It doesn’t come back so we have only right now and need to make it count.
Think of Jme like a train that can’t return to the staJon. When you don’t do something at the Dme you get a chance, that chance might be gone forever. So do it! Use that instant. Grab the chance. Jump.
As Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, “It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn.” When things get really ugly and they get really dark, it’s right then that we are closest to achieving something.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Lesson #2
Instead of backing down on fear and defeated, it should give us the strength to conDnue because that’s when we are closest to our goal. So grit your teeth, don’t think about it too much, persevere and follow the path you dreamed of.
In reality, we don’t know how many tries it will take to get to our goal. But if you keep trying, it’s only logical that your possibiliDes rise. Never give up. And especially, never give up before it’s Dme. The next try might be it. And it’s one try away. So don’t throw the towel too early.
Now think about how many Dmes you quit before actually failing. Surprising, right? As Elbert Hubbard said, “There is no failure except in no longer trying.” And most of the Dmes we quit, we have no reasons. But we do have excuses, which reminds me of Lesson #3.
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Don’t Give Up Too Soon
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Forget the excuses. Look for opportunities everywhere.
Lesson #3
Excuses are the worst. They are disguised as good reasons, but they aren’t. Most of the Dme, when we fail or give up too early, we are giving excuses and covering our fear of not doing, by well… not doing.
Get rid of excuses. If you screw something up, just say so, loud and clear so everybody sees your courage. If things don’t work out the way you expected them to, accept it. If you actually make a wrong decision, own it, admit it -‐-‐-‐ it shows you are brave. If fate has other plans for you, take the lesson and move on. Live with all of this but don’t let it haunt you. Acceptance, not ignorance, is bliss.
As for opportuniDes I, for example, would rather be an opDmist. Instead of picking excuses out of a hat, I’d rather search and find new paths instead of going for the whys and why nots of failure.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Forget the excuses. Look for opportunities everywhere.
Lesson #3
Why would someone dedicate one’s life to validate the reasons behind failure when you could actually spend that Dme doing something great? I am convinced it will work out for me and life will need to come prove me wrong. In the meanDme, I try. I jump. I take the leap.
Acceptance is bliss. Making mistakes is normal; it’s good, as aforemenDoned. So accept and learn to learn from your missteps. When people criDcize you, remember that doers don’t judge; instead, people with too much Dme on their hands judge. And when you already know of a mistake, judging is easy. So don’t worry about others. They give you nothing.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Forget the excuses. Look for opportunities everywhere.
Lesson #3
Place your own bets. And don’t forget that your biggest hit is in trying. Benjamin Franklin, who clearly understood these principles used to say, “I never a man who was good at making excuses who was good at anything else.” And he was and remains right: when you take your Dme to find and make excuses for your acDons, you lose valuable Dme to do stuff. Doers don’t make excuses. They set challenging goals.
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Don’t look for excuses to jusDfy why you failed. Look for opportuniDes and reasons where to build your next success.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga “
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Set a challenging goal Lesson #4
Sports make for great metaphors when we try to understand challenges. Sportspeople, unlike most people, have set high standards for themselves and are driven by a never-‐ending hunger for victory. They take no shortcuts. But they do take risks and act. They do.
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The size of the challenges you take on is a reflecDon of the size in which you see yourself.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
It’s like 110 meter hurdles. These races are run by top-‐notch athletes who not only have to be prepared to run,
but they need to prepare themselves to also jump through obstacles… so it’s like life has been shrunk to a single sporDng event. Life is a long and winding road that has hurdles all over and we need to prepare ourselves to jump.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Set a challenging goal Lesson #4
Take a look at Olympic pole vaulters. They have an actual goal that is always to go higher and higher. Their goals need to be high enough to moDvate them and move them to achievement -‐ but their goals also need to be low enough that they’re achievable.
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Thinking of them, do this exercise: close your eyes and picture an auditorium. Picture it full of people. Try 100 people. Then try 500. And if your mind allows you too, try 2,000 people siTng there, waiDng for you to talk. They’re there to listen to you. Now try imagining 5,000 or 10,000. A very large crowd. Transform it into a football stadium with 50,000 people, all there waiDng to listen to what you have to say.
All of a sudden, they go silent. Their eyes are all on you, concentrated on the spot in which you’re standing, waiDng for you to say something. The microphone is on.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Set a challenging goal Lesson #4
Their eyes are sDll on you and you focus on your soon-‐to-‐be-‐out words. You speak. No words of pampering, no salutaDons. You ONLY state your GOAL. Convinced. Proud. And no maYer what you say, they automaDcally start laughing at you, loud, making fun of whatever you said. They point all their fingers at you, calling you crazy, calling you hopeless. Apparently, what you said was the funniest thing they had ever heard! The enDre crowd is laughing at your most precious dream. It truly must be unaYainable, ridiculous, and too ambiDous for your capabiliDes.
Don’t open your eyes. Imagine yourself there holding your ground. In the depth of the brightness of the lights around you, you stay put. Unmoved. If you can hold that though, you found your calling. Again, whatever it is. If the people you admire, love, or care about and even the general public is against you and you can sDll stay put, jump. If you want to run, then it’s yourself who doesn’t believe you can achieve it. Aper all, it was a stadium in your mind.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Set a challenging goal Lesson #4
Will you have chances of succeeding? That you don’t know. But if you set a high, ambiDous, huge goal… there will be no compeJJon!
Richard Brinsley Sheridan once said, “The surest way to fail is not to determine to succeed.’’ Only YOU can transform your goals into chances and chances into reality. No one else.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
It’s only in your mind. Lesson #5
The exercise we just did was a way of showing you how all the things that hurt you are in your mind. When you are not affecDng anybody, their judgment doesn’t count so if you’re stopped by them, you’re choosing to be stopped. The fact that you didn’t achieve your goal this Dme doesn’t mean you’re unsuccessful. You need to be sure like I am that you will succeed the next Dme. Or the Dme aper the next Dme.
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Failure is only in your mind.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“ In the meanDme, consider the things you learn in your road. The people you met. The things that you DID accomplish.
Even if we fail in our main goal once, it shouldn’t mean you’re automaJcally losing.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
It’s only in your mind. Lesson #5
Quite the opposite, you have the chance to see beyond and find actual things you did get. Not only ‘lessons’ but hard evidence that the road isn’t a waste and what you win depends on your perspecDve.
Not accomplishing a goal doesn’t mean you’ve plainly failed. And what it surely doesn’t mean is that you’re a loser or a failure yourself. Get past the moment and go on. It’s up to you to decide if you believe that or not. Again, it’s all about perspecDve. The way you see things will change the way you take things, understand things.
Think of this William S. Gilbert quote: “Losers visualize the penalDes of failure. Winners visualize the rewards of success.” Visualize the rewards and you are one step ahead of everyone else, on the path to get them.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Never regret. Lesson #6
We’ve understood already that failure has a very bad reputaDon. It might be our upbringing, our parents growing up more deprived, or even the educaDon that we got in school. In any case, we all have a negaJve percepJon of failure, unfortunately.
Now the problem with regret is that it’s the very same consequence of our fear of failure. Most of the Dme
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When you look at the past and think “What if…” all it does is paralyze you for the future.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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we don’t do something out of fear of making a mistake, we end up seeing we were meant to do it and could have succeeded, just too late to go back.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Never regret. Lesson #6
“Why didn’t I…?” “What if I had done…?” “If only I…” “I would have done…”
Yet asking ourselves those quesDons does us more harm than good. It sort of petrifies us in stone, leaving a negaDve scar from what we didn’t do. Since we were afraid once, it is only logical that we become more fearful as Dme progresses. Basically, being worried about what happened yesterday clouds your eyes from watching what will happen tomorrow, just like when we worry about yesterday’s rain and miss seeing the sun that came out today. Be hopeful about the future. Stop complaining. Stop regre\ng.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Never regret. Lesson #6
“Remember that your failures are the seeds of your most glorious successes. Be sad if you must, but don’t despair.” So goes an unknown passage. Be sad.
But don’t despair. Instead, start preparing for your next baYle.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Look forward to your next challenge.
Lesson #7
If we understood all we’ve learned so far, we know that life gives us opportuniJes all the Jme, even when it presents challenges, hurdles, and obstacles. And the old saying says that when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. What it basically says is that we should take advantage of all moments to build something instead of destroying.
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I don’t want to take to the grave the doubt of what could have happened if I had tried.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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Life is truly a present and the past just doesn’t let you unwrap it. It’s a gip that should be opened today. There are no Dme machines, no way of going back. There simply isn’t a way. You can perfect yourself and not make the same mistake again but whatever you already did is done.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Look forward to your next challenge.
Lesson #7
Use the past as your feedback session. The past is informaDon of what not to do, of how things work. With such valuable informaDon, all that is lep to do is to try again. Why have you gone through all the trouble of learning a lesson if you won’t use it to go at it again? Are you going to waste the lessons of the past staying in your chair doing nothing? I hope the answer is no.
So when you fail, start seTng a new challenge, aim for that one now. Imagine big inventors such as Thomas Alva Edison. He brought us the marvelous light bulbs that we all use today. Now history says it didn’t happen overnight, but that it took him 10,000 tries before he built a successful bulb. How would our lives be today had he stopped at the 9,999th try?
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Look forward to your next challenge.
Lesson #7
Look forward to something. Your next step brings magic, hope, hunger of seeing what faith prepared for you. The world is full of great things that don’t move, things that are yours to take if you’re strong and you persevere. Go get them!
Like English Chemist Humphrey Davy once said, “The most important of my discoveries have been suggested to me by my failures.” Let them guide you instead of breaking you.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The price of failure is higher than the price of taking risks.
Lesson #8
Going into the unknown isn’t easy. When I talk about reframing failure and looking at in under a different light, it doesn’t mean I don’t know that it gets rough at Dmes. It does and it will conDnue to do so. But the exercise you need to do is seeing beyond. PuTng things in a balance and seeing what plate is heavier. Do you want to pay the price of failing or pay the price of not doing? If you don’t do you get nothing. If you do and fail you at least get something.
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The only price you have to pay in order to try new things and conquer uncharted territory is that of taking the risk of failing.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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So use your resources wisely when you pay in life.
Think of Bob Mandel, who took a month of his Dme to stand on the same New York corner day aper day and invite all of the women who passed by for a coffee.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The price of failure is higher than the price of taking risks.
Lesson #8
All of them said no. But he wasn’t trying to hurt himself. He was trying to understand what failing meant for him, how it hit him, what changes it made in him. And he learned the hard way!
Overcoming the fear of rejecDon and in turn, not being scared anymore of trying what might not work out well, takes you places. Takes you high. Fear on its own, takes you nowhere. And there’s nothing worse than inacDon. Not having done anything, not even something wrong.
Frances Watkins Harper put it very clearly, “Apparent failure may hold in its rough shell the germs of a success that will blossom in Dme and bear fruit throughout eternity.” See beyond. Look at the bright side.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
There’s always a bright side.
Lesson #9
We’ve heard the ‘there’s always a bright side’ phrase many Dmes. The reason why these phrases become so popular is because they somewhat help you visualize things you already know but haven’t yet seen. For example, consider doing really bad at something. Then, you write a book called, “All I Tried Went Wrong.” You laugh about the situaDons that happened in your life and how nothing seems to go right for you. The book becomes a bestseller. Failure? Hardly.
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It’s not whether or not you fall, but whether or not you want to live your life down there.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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Thousands of thousands of successful human beings have gone through failure and got back up on their feet. What they did was focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
There’s always a bright side.
Lesson #9
He had worked his enDre life building his store and when he came back from a much deserved vacaDon, a river had flooded his store. He lost everything. The suffering drove him to become a moDvaDonal speaker. And he opened his store again.
As the German proverb goes, “He who has never tasted what is biYer does not know what is sweet.” See failure as the moment in which you learn to taste what’s really good. It’s actually quite simple: if it was all easy, then nothing would be. When something is standard, normal, is always there, then it becomes pointless to fight. And we lose. Think of life as a country that gives you double ciDzenship: you are a ciDzen of success and of failure at the same Dme. Then when we grow up, we have the chance to choose just one -‐ we can’t live with two different passports. Now what passport will it be?
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
There’s always a bright side.
Lesson #9
Just try to see every bump in the road as an opportunity. Take whatever life is giving you and make something good out of it. When something knocks you down, think why it happened. That maybe that road wasn’t yours. Because you’re in for something bigger.
As Abraham Lincoln once stated, “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.” Do whatever you want to do even with failure. Aper all, “Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing,” said the great Vince Lombardi. What will your habit be?
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Change yourself. Lesson #10
We’ve talked abundantly about the chances to find in failure. How we need to see unsuccessful runs as the doors to our victory leaps. But it can’t be all talk and no acJon. No maYer how hard your problems are, the key to conquering them is not trying to change the whole issue, but rather changing yourself.
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He who doesn't move his feet won't stumble, but he won't get ahead either.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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Change is good. OpportuniDes to change need to be followed by the acDon of changing. Remember that by doing what others will not, tomorrow you will be able to do what others simply can’t.
“A man can fail many Dmes, but he isn't a failure unDl he begins to blame somebody else,” said John Burroughs. So what you need is to start seeing yourself as a winner. Believe it. Do things to change it.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Change yourself. Lesson #10
Ask the quesDon, what didn’t work out? Was it a job? EducaDon? Love life? OK. Now what did you do wrong? You hadn’t studied? You didn’t work hard enough or didn’t look confident enough for that interview? Or maybe you got too jealous and didn’t enjoy the one you were with? Worried too much?
Then change. Stop the madness. Sit down and plan a course. A new course of study. Dress differently for the next meeDng. Prepare yourself. Open up to love. Take your dreams to the gym and workout, change, change, change. And make them happen. Which takes us to Lesson #11.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Avoid being a perfectionist. Lesson #11
I started my internet company. I was full of energy. But people looked at me with that ‘poor boy’ kind of look. Aper a couple of years, things came my way and suddenly for the same people I became a visionary.
That is my story. But all along I knew that story couldn’t be perfect. As we previously discussed, acceptance is bliss. Knowing about the things we cannot change and accepDng them is truly bliss, because we can focus on
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PerfecDonism, if not handled carefully, might as well end up being the germ that corrupts success and turns it into yet another failure.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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on what’s important. On what can be changed.
One of the things we shouldn’t try to be, ever, is perfect. PerfecDon exists in the things of life but not in humans. The fact that we are changing all the Dme and that we live so randomly,
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Avoid being a perfectionist. Lesson #11
without certainty of what’s to come, is proof. And since you can’t be perfect. Don’t try. Instead, aim for excellence.
Try to be the best you can be, at that moment. Always strive for more. Fight for being just a liYle beYer. Aper all, if perfect existed and you were so smart and powerful that you could reach it when you were 20 and knew you would live to 100 years… what would you do for all the rest of the Dme? If perfect was possible, we wouldn’t have dreams to fight for. Which is hardly perfect.
That is why Emile Zola used to say, “PerfecDon is such a nuisance that I open regret having cured myself of using tobacco.” Don’t lose valuable Dme trying to be perfect. As the old saying goes, “You’re on the road to success when you realize that failure is only a detour.”
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
A failure is an incredible learning experience.
Lesson #12
In our job of reframing failure I have come to say many Dmes that we should be logical. Being logical helps us understand things clearly, without sugar coaDng. So let’s try this other logical exercise: you set a goal, it worked. Then you learn what you should do to repeat success in your future projects. You have a formula.
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Failure has to be thought of as a learning experience. Otherwise it’s just unbearable painful.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
If we do that with what’s good, why do we not do that with what’s bad, which is what we should truly tackle? If you set a goal and it didn’t work, then learn as well! It will teach you much more -‐-‐ knowing what you shouldn’t do again rather than knowing what you should repeat.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
A failure is an incredible learning experience.
Lesson #12
If you repeat a good step, circumstances might just not work out and you could sDll face failure. But if the first Jme failed, you know what not to do. And yes, you might fail again but never for the same reasons.
Failure truly is an incredible learning experience. Every single Dme you start a project, you should have your mind set on victory and a backup plan in case it eludes you. In fact, you should plan failures and what you will learn from them more than victories. The real problem aper all is not making a mistake, but learning nothing from it. Every Dme life knocks you down, you should not only stand up straight and walk again but also take something with you. You learn a lot from your mistakes and maybe not as much from your successes.
Anton Chekhov used to say, “One must be a God to be able to tell successes from failures without making a mistake.” It’s all a learning process.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Try it. Lesson #13
If one’s dream is clear and it’s a hearuelt dream, all failed aYempts are roads. Those roads are obviously not taking me to my desDnaDon but they are not driving me away. Think of it as a long road that you have to go through to finish a long, long trip. At Dmes, the road will get dark, especially at night and lights will tell you to turn around. Yet when the day comes you go back to your road. And so it goes.
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The only way to become an expert is through experience. And many Dmes, when experimenDng, we fail.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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Never stopping and meeDng people and learning things on the way to your fate. The dream is sJll there. You are sDll the driver. You have been detoured but you’re not lost. The more detours you take, the more you learn and the closer you are to finding the right path.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Try it. Lesson #13
Again, every failure has a reason and isn’t random. Maybe you met someone criDcal to your success. Maybe it gave you a new skill. Or made you stronger -‐ your most inner fibers were made tougher. Or who knows, maybe what you wanted wasn’t there yet and you needed to rest. Failure is sort of like luck, energy wise. It’s a big leap that the universe makes you take when you are about to lose your way. It sets you back on track.
Aper all, like Walter Bagehot said, “The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” Proving people wrong might be one of the strongest driving forces. It pushes you. It’s the floor from which to jump.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
A floor from which to jump.
Lesson #14
I honestly believe mistakes touch an inDmate part of everyone. I am no stranger to failure. And I have suffered for it but was able to get back on my feet. There is truly no other way to explain why we are so afraid of failing, than thinking there must be a spot in our brains that failure touches in a way no other feeling does.
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PerspecDve is everything. You can either see failure as the roof that cuts your possibiliDes or you can see it as a floor from which to take another jump.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
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But even if there is something prevenDng us from jumping, we sDll have our free will to do whatever pleases us. We can be paralyzed or moving. Which will you choose? Staying put or dreaming big? Give perspecJve a chance.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
A floor from which to jump.
Lesson #14
Think of yourself in a four-‐walled room. The ceiling is there and you want desperately to see a storm of shooDng stars. But the concrete roof is blocking you. Now you could stay there and miss the beauty of nature and its gips. But there are stairs and you go up, you open a door and put your feet on the roof. You step on it. And now, logic says that if it is below your feet, it’s no longer a ceiling right? It’s just a floor. Floors give us comfort and support. Ceilings put a stop to our view, while floors allow us to find ground.
Look at the stars now. You didn’t miss them. And the sky is the limit. Because, “when you fall, you shouldn’t get up empty handed.” Make this unknown author’s thought a mantra, an anthem. Step on the ceiling that blocks you and transform it into your new floor, from which to jump to new heights.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The hidden power of laughter.
Lesson #15
A few lessons ago, we tried to imagine what it was like to have a full stadium of people laughing at our expense. Our dream crashed by the sound of their mocking, their amusement. Now if it somewhat lep you unseYled, try what I said earlier: if everybody does the same thing, it becomes normal, regular.
For example, let’s say you’re a runner.
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Having failed can also be considered a great victory: you’ve defeated the fear of trying.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
Then, the enDre world starts running. And running becomes today’s walking. Then running just doesn’t exist anymore. Because walking that fast is the new walking. Now go back to imagine the laughter. Imagine that you start laughing with them, at how crazy your dream was.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The hidden power of laughter.
Lesson #15
By the end, you’re the only one laughing. You’re laughing at an enDre stadium who didn’t understand that dreaming is the only road to achieve. It’s the step prior to starDng to build.
So take things lightly, make jokes about it, and don’t be so serious. Relax and enjoy. Life will start flowing easily when you do. Aper all, life is a finite moment and just as we have to choose between ciDzenship in Failureland or Victoryland, we need to choose if we want to spend it worrying or enjoying.
So it didn’t work out this Dme? Then it will the next Dme, with what you’ve learned from this fall. Nothing is really THAT serious. Compared with death, which is the only unavoidable part of life, everything is vane to worry about. If you can be posiDve you’re capable, then failing will be just one more step, like a staDon in the train road.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The hidden power of laughter.
Lesson #15
The track is sDll long and you got many more staDons, more likeable, less likeable. In the meanDme, laugh and prepare yourself for victory.
Samuel Smiles, who had a very interesDng last name, said, “It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much opener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done.” Take his lesson.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
What luck really means. Lesson #16
Does luck really exist? Luck is defined as a random event that is posiDve, like something that JUST happens, without cause, without any reason and leaves just as fast as it happens. But I don’t believe that luck exists, not in that form. I actually believe the universe is on our side, all the Dme, and we just make it harder for it to help us. So when the Dme requires it, if our energy and heart are in the right places but our mind is clouded, then the universe conspires and gives us ‘luck.’
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Scars of defeat show the willingness to reach glory.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
But luck is just that, the quantum leap that appears like a hidden, transparent hand, but is a reflecDon of us truly believing in ourselves. It comes when we most need it and it comes to help our minds be clear again. Depending on every situaDon, it is very helpful for very different reasons. But at the end, luck is all the Dme the same.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
What luck really means. Lesson #16
A clearer of our brains, so we can see what our souls already saw.
Luck accommodates us. It’s like an energy boost in a game that sets us back on track when our fate is not being fulfilled. Garry Kasparov always said, “Luck helps the champion,” and it is true. Nothing happens BECAUSE of luck. It happens because it was right and luck was just there to help us realize it. But without will of victory, without hunger for glory, nothing will truly be there. Luck will be running aper us and we will miss it.
“There are defeats more triumphant than victories,” goes the saying by Michel de Montaigne. And we should believe so. Some victories are just that but some defeats are like double successes. We get through them to our goal. And we conquer the defeat itself.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Be a good student and build out from your weaknesses.
Lesson #17
It sounds easy that I say all I’ve said, without actual tools. I already menDoned that we should always plan ahead, so we know where to look to learn. And the only way of learning, the only pracDcal way, is from weaknesses.
Speeches and phrases are good, but what I truly want you to be driven by is acDon.
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When you fail, be smart enough to be a good student. Failure open is your best teacher.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
These lessons are for waking up but then they are nothing if they are not applied. So when you fall, think:
“What did I do wrong?”
And then when you find the answer, try to think of what lies beneath.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Be a good student and build out from your weaknesses.
Lesson #17
Did you fail because you weren’t prepared? You weren’t strong enough? You should have been more responsible? What are the weaknesses that made you crumble?
Again, it’s fairly logical. You can’t get beaer at anything in life, if you don’t even know what it is. Failure is the only available window. If you do great every single Dme, without even an inch of failure, you have no way of knowing or being prepared for when the streak of victories runs out. So toughen up through your weaknesses. Look at them right in the eyes, face them and don’t run. Just the opposite, you need to internalize them and start working on changing them.
When you get to conquer them all, you will be the strongest warrior. Nothing will pierce your armor and you will be able to defeat even the largest armies, single-‐handedly.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Be a good student and build out from your weaknesses.
Lesson #17
There is a wise Yiddish proverb that says, “He who lies on the ground cannot fall.” And come on, where else would you go if you were already are at the boYom? Rest there, look up and see where you need to go and use the space to learn about who you are.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Learn about yourself - ‘I’ve never… bragged’
Lesson #18
That you need to know yourself sounds fairly smart right? It also sounds silly to some people, because they think ‘you already know yourself, from the start.’ But that is quite far from the truth. In fact, humans are fearful but they are also blind and confident. We are all afraid of failing but we also think we are the best ones and have a very hard Dme seeing beyond our own egos.
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He who always brags, ‘I’ve never failed in my life,’ most probably won’t have achieved anything that makes him proud.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
So when we first fail, our world kind of crumbles under our feet. We didn’t know ourselves that well aper all, did we? From defeat, the most important thing of all items to pick up, the biggest lesson to take home, is what you learn about yourself.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Learn about yourself - ‘I’ve never… bragged’
Lesson #18
Mistakes, bumps, failures, they all show you who you truly are, how you react to adversity, if you need more Dme or if you’re ready to tackle even bigger dreams.
Knowing your flaws also makes the strengths stronger. Now you know what to change. And just as weaknesses you learn about yourself are the starDng point from which to be a beYer self, your strengths are the tools you will use to get there. See these examples:
Are you shy and have no confidence when you approach people but you have good wriDng skills? Jump to starDng your own blog; tell the world your ideas. You know what will happen? People will read you and comment about how much of a great person you seem to be, that you should do more and help people through your words. And they will listen.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Learn about yourself - ‘I’ve never… bragged’
Lesson #18
Or, are you super anxious all the Dme, nervous and you lost an interview because of it? And they told you it seemed like you were very loyal and hard-‐working but the job required you to stay strong under difficult, long-‐term situaDons and your anxiety was going to be bad? There it is! Your strength is that you are loyal, you are reliable. Go meet clients, start your own firm. Set your own pace. Show that anxiety also means fast results. And now you the one always delivering them as promised.
Change your world. And then you’ll change the world. Failure is a maYer of aTtude, so you beYer check within yourself. “No man ever became great or good except through many and great mistakes,” William E. Gladstone said. And he was SO right. There’s no other way.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Change your strategy. Try once more.
Lesson #19
So you are now saying, “I have done all this.” I believed. And I failed. I was ready. And I failed.
Well you should know humans are the only species that makes the same mistake over and over again. Albert Einstein used to go further and said that not only do we make the same mistakes over and over again, but we expect different results.
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One thing is to have failed. A very different thing is to consider yourself a failure.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
So you have tried and tried. But did you learn anything? Have you changed? Or is your life more like ongoing déjà vu, always repeaDng the story? OK then. Sit down and start looking back at what you did wrong. No judgments. No punishing. Learn.
Look again. What are you repeaDng?
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Change your strategy. Try once more.
Lesson #19
George Bernard Shaw once said, “Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second Dme.”
And there is no purer truth. Make thousands of mistakes. Just don’t make the same ones. Don’t be fixated, learn. Aper all, if you haven’t tried, how will you succeed? Think of life as the biggest quesDon of all. And we all know that quesDons that are not asked already have “NO” as their answer. So ask. Ask a lot. Dream. Learn. Try. Jump.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The “Not Losing” Strategy. Lesson #20
Almost everyone in the world choose, consciously or unconsciously, the strategy that I call of “Not Losing.” I mean, you must have wondered why there are so few humans that are incredibly famous, rich, and/or successful, right? Why are there so few movie stars? Why are CEOs so important? Well, exactly because most people tend to take a different strategy than that of taking a leap forward, to the unknown.
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No failure is mortal if it doesn’t take your will to try again.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
Successful people take, “The Yes to Winning,” approach. They are not daredevils who aren’t afraid of losing. They’re afraid too. But they prefer to see each chance as a way of winning.
Instead of the people who say, “I’d rather not lose.”
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The “Not Losing” Strategy. Lesson #20
Can you change from one to the other? Yes, of course. But you need to be aware of why you are picking the negaDve strategy in the first place.
Most of us hate rejecJon. We have thoughts about success and making mistakes. Big ‘winners’ also hate rejecDon. But they know how to handle it. They learned how to handle rejecDon and failures and if they can do it, so can you. If rejecDon paralyzes you and makes you avoid doing something, then you’re ‘not losing.’ Actually ‘not losing’ means ‘already lost.’ If you don’t do anything to achieve something, oh well, you’re sure not going to achieve it. That’s the only thing for sure. ‘Not losing’ in my mind sounds like ‘I’m losing for sure.’
Now people who chose to take risks and pick the ‘winning’ strategy are aware that things can go bad, that their acDons might not take them where they want. But they trust themselves and their fortune.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
The “Not Losing” Strategy. Lesson #20
They are true believers that whatever happens, it’s for the best. They consider what can happen if things don’t work out. They evaluate, “what’s the worst thing that can happen to me if it doesn’t work?” And the answer doesn’t scare them.
Fear makes the difference. It’s what makes you choose the wrong strategy. So you need to learn to manage your fear. You have to know how to handle it in order to win. Aper all… you can always go back easily to your limited mental box whenever you want.
“We climb to heaven most open on the ruins of our cherished plans, finding our failures were successes,” said Amos Bronson AlcoY. It’s all perspecJve.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Your attitude should be to move your feet.
Lesson #21
Life is full of moments that you can explain through metaphors. So what are some broken eggs, when referring to failure, when you actually get to keep the hen that lays them? If you only focus on the eggs you’ve broken, then your focus is wrong. Instead, focus on what really needs aYenDon: the next step. Open your eyes, see things in perspecDve and don’t let even your own negaDve aTtude be defeaDng.
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He who doesn’t move his feet will not fall. But he will also not move forward.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
Failure will not be there forever. It’s just a staDon like we said. Move on. Keep travelling.
Tripping does not mean falling. Nobody is perfect. It’s all in the aTtude. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Your attitude should be to move your feet.
Lesson #21
All of those sayings are true and they should push you to understand that no maYer what you do, if you’re focused, you can make it even ager all the falls.
Now if you see failure negaDvely every Dme you encounter it, then it is also real. Without acDng, moving your feet, you would never find your way out. It’s all in your aTtude. You see yourself as a loser? Then you will be losing all the Dme. Unfortunate events will ALWAYS happen, so instead of trying to avoid them, let them come and fight them and make them your own.
Successful people take failures as background noise, as something that will always be there. And for unsuccessful people, it’s like music. Failures are like the toll in the highway. The highway is something that helps you to get safer, faster, and smoother to your desDnaDon. And the toll is the price to enjoy that. But if you decide to avoid the toll, there’s no way to get there. You just stay where you are. Numb.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Your attitude should be to move your feet.
Lesson #21
A\tude makes such a difference that even in the words of two people, aTtude makes the enDre difference. While a loser would tell himself that he could never make it again and that he should quit, someone successful would see this as what not to do. In people who believe they are losers, failure is just a way of telling ‘yes, I am.’ For victorious people, it’s circumstanDal.
What you should know is that just like there’s never a good Dme to get sick, there’s never a good Dme for ‘this project,’ or ‘just now.’ Things need to happen because you want them to, not because it is the right Dme. It will never be. The right Dme is in your hands.
A friend of mine, who has a design company (and in fact most business people) has a process in which a certain amount of errors are permiYed, in order to be prepared in case they actually happen. Errors being a part of his processes make the processes beYer.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Your attitude should be to move your feet.
Lesson #21
And it’s not like he goes and makes them on purpose. But he’s ready in case they happen. And he learns and they never happen again.
It’s not what happens, but what you do with it. It’s not if you failed, but if you feel like a loser.
It’s not the cards you get, but how you play the hand.
Just like George Canning’s phrase, “Indecision and delays are the parents of failure.” Don’t feed them!
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Say NO. The Best is yet to come.
Lesson #22
One of the last things I want you to learn is to reject things. Learn to say no. Reject projects if they don’t go your way. Don’t do things because “you have to.” When learning to deal with rejecDon, you’ll become smarter when you say NO without guilt. SomeDmes you take tasks or project that you don’t like, just because others ask for it. Why don’t you say no without feeling guilty?
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Success, just like failure should be taken lightly. In both cases, the best is yet to come.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
We’re not used to saying NO to people asking. Respect yourself, your Jme, and your energy.
How do you say NO without feeling guilty? Well, check out this story that happened to me a while ago.
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Say NO. The Best is yet to come.
Lesson #22
The phone rang and the secretary took the call. Aper a funny conversaDon with the caller, she hung up. The ice was broken in the room so she said, ‘she wanted to come now, but she needs to book an hour, as the doctor is super busy. Last week for example, a person called for another denDst and was given an hour for a couple days later. She called to ask and the doctor, always busy, had only space three weeks from the date.’
She ended up telling us that even with space, it isn’t good to show you actually have hours lep, because having no paDents means there’s something wrong. So in all stages in life, someDmes it’s beYer to say, “I can’t help you right now, I’m booked unDl… If you can wait, I’ll be more than glad to work in your project.”
“A minute's success pays the failure of years,” Robert Browning once thought. Think about it when you read my last lesson.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Determination. Lesson #23
The reason why I am finishing these lessons with one word, determinaDon, is because of its power. Like my quote below states, I truly would rather go against someone with more money, or more skills, but not someone with a goal set in stone and who has more determinaDon than I do. DeterminaJon is power. It is energy. Drive. DeterminaDon is what pushes us even beyond our wildest and most fearful moments. It puts the past behind because it moves us to the future.
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I’d rather compete against a more talented individual, than someone more determined than me.
-‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
“
Remember when you learned to ride a bike? Remember that moment and think of jumping to needing to learn how to ski. Completely different, out of the one comfort zone you had. The terrain is steeper, there’s no concrete,
“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Determination. Lesson #23
it’s cold, you’re wearing lots of clothes, you need to move to the sides, no way to stop but with your body. All of a sudden you need to act different and think different. Obviously, results are also different. Thinking outside of the box, being determined, is what will get you through that task, or any task you set for yourself.
Changing your mindset and going from the loser’s mind to that of the victorious, is the same. When you start, you might not know if you’ll do it right. Or if you ever will. But there is what I call a ‘moment of truth,’ a second in the hours and days and months of baYles in which you just realize... You can do it. There’s a chance. And failure and the fear of it is gone. You reminiscence about the past and remember how you thought it would be hard, impossible. But you are already leaving that in the rear-‐view mirror, full speed ahead to the future. Aper the moment of truth, whenever you fall, you’ll know it’s just a bump, but no longer a crash.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Determination. Lesson #23
“Failure will never overtake me if my determinaDon to succeed is strong enough.” Og Mandino was right. It’s what takes us to jump into the river and cross to the other side. And when the waves get rougher, I sDll go for them. Blinded by determinaDon. It’s courage. Embracing the need for success. It’s being convinced to the bone, the unbreakable willingness to conDnue. No way back.
Oscar Wilde has an outstanding quote for it: “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” And yes, someDmes you win, someDmes you lose. Knowing it is the real game. Knowing it and sDll risking it all, going all in, is the real victory.
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“Reframing Failure” -‐ Gonzo Arzuaga
Determination. Lesson #23
So I leave you with a poem I heard someone say to someone else a long Dme ago:
"I wish you enough sun to keep your aTtude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to saDsfy your wanDng. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough ‘Hello's’ to get you through the final ‘Goodbye.’”
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