7/25/2019 André Monologue Long

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 Jordan Farrell Laine Theatre Arts Foundation

 André’s Monologue – Eight by Ella Hickson

 André, originally Andrew, is twenty-eight-year-old gallery owner. He enters his

gallery, clearly shaken, takes a moment to catch his breath and positions himself 

on a high stool.

I have to say, this wasn’t the ending that I had in mind. I’m not sure what I did

have in mind. Probably a whisper of a happy ever after’, you !now, wearing

mat"hing "ardies, sharing digestives, but I hadn’t thought I’d been stupid enough

to pin anything on it a"tually happening. It’s easy for the #inderellas and

$leeping %eauties of this world, but we’re a little low on route planners for Prin"e

#harming and&Prin"e #harming. $erious la"! of fairy’ tales.

 This "ertainly isn’t one, is it' I thin! we "an all agree that "oming into wor! half

an hour late on a (onday morning and )nding your boyfriend hanging from

rafters by a *erm+s s"arf, well& it’s not ea"tly happy ever after’, is it'

 That bloody s"arf- I’ve always maintained that a high pri"e means high uality

but who !new *erm+s "ould ta!e a man’s weight' And let’s be "lear, he was no

s!inny little fag, he was a big fat "hun!y. *e was never going to wear it- I don’t

!now what I was playing at giving it to him. *e wasn’t the s"arf type, you see,

*erm+s or otherwise / never had been. I spent my teenage years trying my very

hardest to loo! li!e #yndi Lauper. *im' 0o, going with a button 1y over a 2ip was

his idea outrageous.

3here’s that sodding ambulan"e' *e "an’t 4ust be, up there, li!e that. I guess the

rush isn’t on on"e they !now resus"itation heroi"s are out. (ore or less a

removal 4ob now / heavy load, lads, mind your ba"!s. *is big, purple fa"e is

dribbling all over an 5min print. 3hy he "hose the bloody sto"!room' It’s not li!e

he was being shy, putting a *erm+s noose round your ne"!, it’s not uite the

7/25/2019 André Monologue Long

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 Jordan Farrell Laine Theatre Arts Foundation

same as popping a few pills and drifting o6 is it' *e might as well have done it in

the front fu"!ing window, ni"e bit of performan"e art& 0o, he wanted to save

this one 4ust for me, one7man show.

I bet I’m not insured for sui"idal dribble either / that’s 8! down the shitter.