april fool's

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K A H ū ū P P ō ō THE FOOL Volume 105 Issue 86 FRIDAY, APRIL 1 to SUNDAY, APRIL 3, 2011 Serving the students of the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa since 1922 Back in Black YouTube sensation coming to UH Features 3 Rail > Trees Campus rail upsets activists Opinions 4 www.kaleo.org NEWS DESK Rock climbers, rejoice: The university has received a $250,000 grant to transform the area adjacent to the Dole Street parking structure into a rock-climbing wall. “We’re ecstatic,” said UHM Climbing Coalition president Caro- line Lopez. “We’ve lobbied for years for such a project.” The Outdoor Enthusiasts, a national nonprofit organization committed to combating obesity in young people, selected UH Mānoa’s proposal from among hundreds of collegiate entries. The contest invited universi- ties across the country to submit one proposal for an outdoor sports and recreation project that would demonstrably increase student health and fitness. The university taskforce in charge of selecting and submitting the university’s official entry considered proposals from 16 UHM student groups. The Climbing Coalition’s unique, four-minute-video entry uti- lized interpretive dance and yogic chanting to indicate why the uni- versity would benefit from a rock- climbing wall. The university task force ap- proved the video unanimously. “We hope that the outdoor climbing wall will encourage and promote a healthier lifestyle for all students,” said an unnamed uni- versity representative who was not authorized to speak to the media. “Plus, it will be a great way to relieve stress during midterms and finals.” The proposal selection process is not without controversy. Several student groups have criticized the grant process as bi- ased and unfair. “We petitioned for the construc- tion of an on-campus wave machine, but the university refused to consid- er our request,” said Stoked Surfers president Emma Chang. “If there are no waves in town, particularly during the fall and win- ter months, then the only way I can get action is by driving to the North Shore. This is not only hugely incon- venient, but it’s not very environ- mentally friendly either,” she said. Other members of Stoked Surf- ers also expressed concerns that the prevalence of O‘ahu surfing beaches caused their project to be eliminated from contention. “Just because there’s tons of places to surf here doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a wave machine on campus,” said freshman Bryson Jones. “I’m from South Dakota, and only just learning how to surf. It’s not like I can just get out in the water and compete with people who have been surfing their whole lives. An on-campus wave machine would’ve let me practice surfing in a safe, controlled environment.” Winter sports enthusiasts also felt excluded from the project. “The university should have submitted our proposal for a snow machine,” stated avid snowboarder Scooter Takushi. “A rock-climbing wall benefits only people who are interested in rock climbing. A snow machine could be used for all kinds of winter sports like snowboarding, skiing, snowmobiling and snow- shoeing,” he continued. University officials allegedly re- jected the snow machine proposal because the projected cost would have far exceeded $250,000. Takushi dismissed the university’s reasoning. “A snow machine would have paid for itself. You could charge students and people from outside the school for entry,” he said. “It would also remedy the environ- mental injustice caused by Hawai‘i’s tropical climate. If I want to snow- board, I now have to wait until winter break and fly to the continent.” University officials stand by their decision, citing the Climbing Coalition’s win as evidence that they made the right decision. “We considered all proposals equally, but felt that a wave or snow- making machine were not feasible projects,” said a university official. “Just because the Outdoor Enthu- siasts selected the Climbing Coali- tion’s proposal doesn’t mean that they would have automatically se- lected any proposal that UH Mānoa put forth. It is very likely they would have rejected a wave-making or snow-making machine for a univer- sity that’s located on an island.” Construction on the wall will be- gin this summer, with an expected completion date of December 1. UH M UH M ā ānoa to build rock-climbing wall noa to build rock-climbing wall NICK KAM / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I This lowly rock wall off Dole Street is slated to be chiseled into a glorious climbing facility for the enjoyment of UH students. STARTING STARTING @ @ $888 $888 00 00 1610 Kalakaua Ave. Honolulu, HI 96826 808-955-1550 3065 Kapiolani Blvd. Honolulu, HI 96826 808-735-5995 www.mopedplus.net LOWEST PRICE GUARANTEED STUDENT SPECIALS FAST FRIENDLY SERVICE PART/SERVICE/ACCESSORIES/ HELMETS/LOCKS SURF REPORT Get 10% Off With A Valid UH I.D. Offer Valid at all Blue Hawaii Surf Locations New Pearl Ridge Location + Kalihi Outlet Store Ala Moana 947-9988 Pearlridge 488-8811 Kalihi 845-9300 ext. 207 FRiDAY N: 6-8++ ft. W: 4-6 ft. S: 2-3 ft. E: 1-2 ft. WEEKEND N: 3-5 ft W: 2-4 ft. S: 2-3 ft. E: 1-2 ft. www.bluehawaiisurf.com Expires 08/31/11

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Page 1: april fool's

KAHūūPPōōT H E F O O L

Volu me 105 I ssue 86F R I DA Y, A P R I L 1 t o S U N DA Y, A P R I L 3 , 2 011Ser v i ng t he st udent s of t he Un iversit y of Hawa i ‘ i at M ā noa si nce 19 22

Back in BlackYouTube sensation coming to UH

Features 3

Rail > TreesCampus rail upsets activists

Opinions 4

w w w. k a leo.org

NEWS DESK

Rock climbers, rejoice: The university has received a $250,000 grant to transform the area adjacent to the Dole Street parking structure into a rock-climbing wall. “We’re ecstatic,” said UHM Climbing Coalition president Caro-line Lopez. “We’ve lobbied for years for such a project.” The Outdoor Enthusiasts, a national nonprofi t organization committed to combating obesity in young people, selected UH Mānoa’s proposal from among hundreds of collegiate entries. The contest invited universi-ties across the country to submit one proposal for an outdoor sports and recreation project that would demonstrably increase student health and fi tness. The university taskforce in charge of selecting and submitting the university’s offi cial entry considered proposals from 16 UHM student groups. The Climbing Coalition’s unique, four-minute-video entry uti-lized interpretive dance and yogic chanting to indicate why the uni-versity would benefi t from a rock-climbing wall. The university task force ap-proved the video unanimously. “We hope that the outdoor climbing wall will encourage and promote a healthier lifestyle for all students,” said an unnamed uni-versity representative who was not authorized to speak to the media.

“Plus, it will be a great way to relieve stress during midterms and fi nals.” The proposal selection process is not without controversy. Several student groups have criticized the grant process as bi-ased and unfair. “We petitioned for the construc-tion of an on-campus wave machine, but the university refused to consid-er our request,” said Stoked Surfers president Emma Chang. “If there are no waves in town, particularly during the fall and win-ter months, then the only way I can get action is by driving to the North Shore. This is not only hugely incon-venient, but it’s not very environ-mentally friendly either,” she said. Other members of Stoked Surf-ers also expressed concerns that the prevalence of O‘ahu surfi ng beaches caused their project to be eliminated from contention. “Just because there’s tons of places to surf here doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have a wave machine on campus,” said freshman Bryson Jones. “I’m from South Dakota, and only just learning how to surf. It ’s not like I can just get out in the water and compete with people who have been surfi ng their whole lives. An on-campus wave machine would’ve let me practice surfi ng in a safe, controlled environment.” Winter sports enthusiasts also felt excluded from the project. “The university should have submitted our proposal for a snow machine,” stated avid snowboarder

Scooter Takushi. “A rock-climbing wall benefi ts only people who are interested in rock climbing. A snow machine could be used for all kinds of winter sports like snowboarding, skiing, snowmobiling and snow-shoeing,” he continued. University offi cials allegedly re-jected the snow machine proposal because the projected cost would have far exceeded $250,000. Takushi dismissed the university’s reasoning. “A snow machine would have paid for itself. You could charge students and people from outside the school for entry,” he said. “It would also remedy the environ-mental injustice caused by Hawai‘i’s tropical climate. If I want to snow-board, I now have to wait until winter break and fl y to the continent.” University offi cials stand by their decision, citing the Climbing Coalition’s win as evidence that they made the right decision. “We considered all proposals equally, but felt that a wave or snow-making machine were not feasible projects,” said a university offi cial. “Just because the Outdoor Enthu-siasts selected the Climbing Coali-tion’s proposal doesn’t mean that they would have automatically se-lected any proposal that UH Mānoa put forth. It is very likely they would have rejected a wave-making or snow-making machine for a univer-sity that’s located on an island.” Construction on the wall will be-gin this summer, with an expected completion date of December 1.

UH MUH Māānoa to build rock-climbing wallnoa to build rock-climbing wall

NICK KAM / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I

This lowly rock wall off Dole Street is slated to be chiseled into a glorious climbing facility for the enjoyment of UH students.

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Page 2: april fool's

UN [email protected] REECE FARIÑASASSOCIATE ALVIN PARK

ASSOCIATE HAIYA SARWAR

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Ka Hūpō O Hawai‘i

22 FFREECE FARIñAS

Fun Editor

YouTube’s teen hit sensation Rebecca Black has been awarded the prestigious Regents Scholar-ship for the Fall 2011 semester. The decision was announced Friday morning based on her outstanding achievement in the music industry. As a Regents Scholar, Black will receive a full tuition waiver for four years of undergraduate study and $4,000 a year for ex-penses. She will also receive a one-time travel grant of $2,000. Regents Scholarships are awarded annually to 20 outstand-ing incoming freshmen. Appli-cants must receive a combined SAT score of at least 1950 on all three sections, complete high school with a 3.5 GPA, and show remarkable achievements in ex-tracurricular activities. Although Black did not meet any of the above criteria, she has been granted an exception. “Rebecca does a damn good job at what she does. She also creates a promising outlook for the Hawai‘i system’s future ini-tiative to lead the entertainment industry,” said a member of the selection committee. Nearly 25,000 students have applied for the scholarship but only 19 will be chosen from the pool of well-qualifi ed students. The pilot initiative by the Board of Regents to increase student in-volvement will grant the last seat to one YouTube viral video sensa-tion for the next eight years. They are calling the last seat the Regent Scholarships of the Arts. In addition, each year’s recipi-ent of the Arts Scholarship will be allowed to occupy the now vacent President’s House at the top of Campus Hill. Black will be mov-ing in with her 27-year-old boy-friend next June. Black will also be commis-sioned as a f loating teacher’s assistant. In the Department of Second Language Studies, she

will be teaching grammar and counters, like the days of the week, to international students. The music department has asked Black to periodically teach a class on monotone philosophy.

She will also guest-teach in the choir and in the hula and chant ensemble. “We feel the decision to jump Rebecca straight from intermedi-ate school to college is a good one,” said Black’s agent, her 96-year-old grandmother, Mildred Portshire. “With the money we saved in her college fund, we’re able to produce another music video.” Since the March 14 release

of her first music video “Friday,” Black has received attention from news outlets across the country including an appearance on “The Tonight Show.” The decision to sign Black

early came as soon as the Board of Regents viewed the YouTube video, which, as of Thursday af-ternoon, had 70.3 million views. The board described it as an obvi-ous decision. Black is expected to arrive at UH in late July for new student orientation. The state of Hawai‘i has arranged a police escort to protect Black from her thousands of adoring preteen fans.

Rebecca Black awarded full ride to UH Rebecca Black awarded full ride to UH

COURTESY OF BARRY WAYNE. © BARRY WAYNE 2011. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

In a surprise move, the Board of Regents have decided to rename the Academy for Creative Media “The Creative Media Center for Rebecca Black.”

We feel the decision to jump Rebecca straight from intermediate school to college is a good one ...

Page 3: april fool's

NICK WEBSTER

Staff Writer

Looking for a great fi lm to watch this weekend? Forget “Rango,” “The Adjustment Bureau” and “The Lincoln Lawyer,” because “Red Riding Hood” is what you want to see. Produced by Leonardo Di-Caprio, the groundbreaking, original take on the classic children’s story has all the mind-bending of “Inception” and “Shutter Island,” as well as all the romance of “Titanic.” But aside from Leo, what’s the real reason you should spend 10 bucks and 100 minutes of your weekend on this horror/romance treasure? It was directed by Catherine Hardwicke. If you are not familiar with Hardwicke, she directed the great-est film of our generation: “Twilight.” For all you fans out there, watching “Red Riding Hood” will be like watching the same exact movie, only this time there’s a werewolf. The fi lm stars Amanda Seyfried as Valerie (the now teenage, not “little,” Red Riding Hood), a girl caught in the middle of a love triangle involving an arranged marriage and a woodcutter. From this point on, the story has nothing to do with the folk tale, which is great, because teenage melodrama is defi nitely more interesting. As Valerie tries to run away with her true love Peter (Shiloh Fernandez) the town is alarmed that the evil werewolf has struck again. To thicken the plot, the dead young woman is none other than Val-erie’s sister. The villagers panic and send for Lord Solomon (Gary Oldman), the best werewolf hunter in the land. He shows up, and being the great medieval detective that he is, concludes that the werewolf be-

comes wolf at night, and is a human by day. What makes Lord Solomon such a dynamic character? Not only does he have silver fingernails to kill the werewolves, he travels with a metal elephant! A fter his hunt comes up blank, Solomon, be-ing the wild character that he is, decides to tor-ture the village idiot to get some answers. The ending will leave you guessing, because it truly comes out of nowhere. VERDICT: “Red Riding Hood” is the

best fi lm ever. 7 out of 5 stars.

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UN [email protected] REECE FARINASASSOCIATE ALVIN PARKASSOCIATE HAIYA SARWAR

Ka Hūpō O Hawai‘i

FFFRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

The must-see horrible horror The must-see horrible horror film of the springfilm of the spring

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Today’s Ka Leo O Hawai‘i features fictitious and parodic content in all sections but the Sports section. All advertisement is on the level and no books were cooked in the making of this paper. Any actual names or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner. Happy April Fool’s Day. Ka Leo is the campus newspaper of the University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa. It is published by the Board of Publications three times a week except on holidays and during exam periods. Circulation is 10,000. Ka Leo is also published once a week during summer sessions with a circulation of 10,000. Ka Leo is funded by student fees and advertising. Its editorial content reflects only the views of its writers, reporters, columnists and editors, who are solely responsible for its content. No material that appears in Ka Leo may be reprinted or republished in any medium without permission. The first newsstand copy is free; for additional copies, please visit the Ka Leo Building. Subscription rates are $50 for one semester and $85 for one year. ©2010 Board of Publications.

ADMINISTRATIONThe Board of Publications, a student organization chartered by the University of Hawai‘i Board of Regents, publishes Ka Leo O Hawai‘i. Issues or concerns can be reported to the board (Devika Wasson, chair; Henry-lee Stalk, vice chair; or

Ronald Gilliam, treasurer) via [email protected]. Visit www.hawaii.edu/bop for more information.

Shinichi in Chief Shinichi ToyamaMama Ellise AkazawaChief Lithographer Emily RobertsNew Editor Hertha AumoeualogoFun Editor Reece FarinasThe Opinionator Lindsy Ogawa

Athletic, Manly Man Russell TolentinoThe Serious Artist Ann MacarayanBanana Streisand Sarah WrightRussian Accent Coach Chelsea YamaseKa Leo Assassin Nik SeuLe Chip Chip Grozdon

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EDITOR LINDSY OGAWAASSOCIATE DAVIN AOYAGI

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Ka Hūpō O Hawai‘i

44 OOPINIONS

OPINIONS DESK

Wednesday’s proposal to have O‘ahu’s rail run through Campus Center has tax payers and several City Council members hot-headed over the rail’s already deeply de-bated financial issues – but on campus, the concern is primarily environmental. The original $5.5 billion Kāne‘ohe-to-Kaka‘ako rail project has been in the crossfi re since its original proposal, and will now ex-pand from Kāne‘ohe to a location near Frear Hall. The new proposal estimates that the rail will cost $7 billion, which will include the demolition of Keller Hall, eight campus trees and a bush. Costs will also include the building of six escalators that will allow students to get from cam-pus to the raised rail stations, and

several renovations to Frear Hall and Campus Center, including a rail souvenir shop. Several stations will be placed throughout the campus, stopping at Campus Center, Kennedy The-ater, and Frear Hall before looping back toward Kāne‘ohe. Hawai‘i’s Federal Transit Ad-mission’s approval of the Final Environmental Impact Statement, accepted in December by Gov. Neil Abercrombie, stated that a part of the project aimed for less congest-ed roads to improve Hawai‘i’s air and overall quality of life. However, the demolition of eight trees and a bush is anything but en-vironmentally friendly, and comes as a close reminder of the campus’ historic tree – a fi cus benjamina co-mosa – which was cut down under a year ago for construction on a new recreation center.

Since the new proposal, several UH Mānoa students and persons unaffi liated to the university have rallied at the state capitol. Four students with face-paint and UH helmet wash-off tattoos on their arms were arrested after painting rainbows and weeping trees onto the capitol’s walls with mud and ground fl ower petals. Seven students were given ci-tations after jumping out of bushes and scaring and chasing unsus-pecting council members. One council member fell and scraped his elbow while being chased. An-other member is considering suing UH Mānoa, claiming he experi-enced post-traumatic stress disor-der after the event. On campus, several professors and UH Mānoa staffers have joined in protest by canceling certain class-es, refusing to serve chemically en-

hanced foods, and closing off park-ing spaces until the trees and bush are saved. Some students have been crawling into and sleeping in the trees ordered to be cut down. “Cut the bush, I cut you” has been adopted as the unoffi cial chant that can be faintly heard by some of the people in the trees. Several environmental discus-sions centered on trying to fi nd ways to save the trees and bush ranged from mapping areas where rail sta-tions may be placed without needing to cut down plants to not extending the rail to campus at all. “Trees are pretty and provide ox-ygen, and rails are ugly and stinky,” yelled a student who joined in one of the discussions held in a tree. But despite the efforts of sev-eral students, council members and organizations, the plans for the new rail seem to be unhindered.

New Campus Center rail unbothered by tree peopleNew Campus Center rail unbothered by tree people

SHINICHI TOYAMA / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I

Page 5: april fool's

[email protected]

EDITOR ANN MACARAYAN

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

Page 6: april fool's

Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword Puzzle Edited by Rich Norris and Joyce Lewis

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Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the

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Go to www.kaleo.org for this puzzle’s solution. HARD # 57

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ACROSS1 Lexington and Concord fighters

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H-Town, with “the”36 “Return of the Jedi” dancer37 Like Cologne and vicinity39 Condescend40 Fowl with a showy mate41 Herbal drink43 “Bewitched” witch44 Place with swinging doors45 End of the observation49 Abbr. on folk song sheet music50 Listed51 They have their pluses and

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Page 7: april fool's

GLENN VERASCO

Senior Staff Writer

The No. 20/25 Rainbow Wa-hine softball team (25 -9, 3 -0 Western Athletic Conference) has not played a road game since Feb. 26. But that changes this week-end as the ’Bows visit rival Fres-no State (19 -8, 3 -0 WAC) for their second conference matchup of the season. This road swing won’t be as grueling as the two-week, 11-game road trip the ’Bows made in February. “It ’s a lot easier when it ’s only f ive days,” starting center f ielder Kelly Majam said. “We only have one location we’re go-ing to – we’re not traveling from

one to the other.” Though traveling may be easier, Fresno State presents a challenge for the ’Bows, as both teams vie to remain undefeated in WAC play.

“Fresno has always been a rival of our school,” Majam said. “Going into Fresno is always a tough task.” Head coach Bob Coolen said he hopes his team can step up emotionally and physically against the Bulldogs. “They have to understand there are certain teams where they can walk out and have

low energy and still be athletic enough to win,” Coolen said. “Not against Fresno.” The atmosphere at Bulldog Diamond is the reason why. “It ’s an environment where

you don’t just walk in there and take care of Fresno,” Coolen said. “They’re the home team, and they have a good home environment.” A fundamental key for Hawai‘i will be improving its hitting with runners on base. As a team, the ’Bows are scoring about fi ve runs per game, but have stranded 207 runners on base this year, which is over six potential runs left on

base per game. “We had runners in scor-ing position all month,” Coolen said of his team, which lost four straight games in their final tour-nament of the year. “We could have moved runners over from second or third. We could have scored runners from third base, [but] we failed to do so, and we lost some ball games.” But if the ’Bows can improve on this area, Majam said Hawai‘i can be successful. “That’s one thing we, as a team, collectively have to work on – hitting to the opposite fi eld and getting runners in from second base,” Majam said. Besides the challenging road environment and the team’s need to improve their situational hit-

ting, Majam said she believes the team members having faith in themselves is just as essential. Majam said, “It ’s a tough envi-ronment to go into, but we need to just focus on who we are and not who we’re playing – going in there with confi dence and knowing that we can beat anyone that’s in the opposite dugout.”

[email protected]

EDITOR RUSSELL TOLENTINOASSOCIATE MARC ARAKAKI

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2011

Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

’Bows hit the road for WAC showdown against Bulldogs’Bows hit the road for WAC showdown against Bulldogs

Fresno has always been a rival of our school. Going into Fresno is always a tough task...

Game InfoGame InfoFriday, 4 p.m. HST (ESPNU)

Saturday, 10 a.m. HST (DH)

Page 8: april fool's

RUSSELL TOLENTINO

Sports Editor

The Rainbow Wahine tennis team’s two opponents this weekend have better records, but neither has faced the top-notch competition that Hawai‘i played this season.

Western Athletic Conference members Idaho (8-3, 0 -1 WAC) and Louisiana Tech (5-2, 0 -1 WAC) come in with more wins, but the ’Bows (5-10, 0 -1 WAC) have faced seven nationally ranked noncon-ference opponents – including No. 4 Duke, No. 10 California and No. 26 Pepperdine.

“We have probably the tough-est preseason schedule in our conference by far,” Rainbow Wa-hine head coach Jun Hernandez said. “We’ve learned from those matches, and it defi nitely pre-pared us for our WAC season.”

The Idaho match is set for Fri-day, and the Louisiana Tech game is on Sunday. Both matches begin at 2 p.m. at the UH Tennis Com-plex. Admission is free.

The ’Bows defeated Idaho (4-2) and Louisiana Tech (5 -2) last year in the regular season and Idaho 4-3 in the first round of the WAC Tournament.

“They are very good teams,” Hernandez said. “It ’s going to be a tough challenge for us, but I like our chances as well.”

The women’s tennis teams in the WAC play a minimum of four conference games – two home and two away. Each team’s WAC record, along with the Intercol-legiate Tennis Association top 75 rankings, are used to deter-mine the seedings in the confer-ence tournament.

The Rainbow Wahine received a boost in the ITA rankings. Despite losing to Pepperdine 4-3 in Febru-ary, Hawai‘i was recently awarded the win because Pepperdine used an ineligible player during their match.

“That will defi nitely give us a higher seeding going into the [WAC] Tournament,” Hernandez said.

In its first conference match,

Hawai‘i lost to Nevada 4-3 on March 19.

Following this week, they will play at New Mexico State (April 22) and at No. 67 Boise State (April 24) to close the regular season.

Sophomore Katarina Poljakova is Hawai‘i’s No. 1 singles player, leading the Rainbow Wahine with an 11-4 dual-match record.

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88 SS PORTSRainbow Wahine serve up WAC matchesRainbow Wahine serve up WAC matches

They are very good teams. It’s going to be a tough challenge for us, but I like our chances as well.

JOEL KUTAKA / KA LEO O HAWAI‘I

Senior Natasha Zorec returns a ball in an 6-4, 6-2 singles victory against Loyola Maramount University at the UH Tennis Courts.

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