AshlAnd too weird for superintendent?

Ahs & north koreA– set for exchAnge

Vol. VII Issue VIII April 1, 2013

A couple months ago, all of the candidates for the district superin-tendent position surprisingly backed out. It appeared as if the school board was closing in on a hire be-fore the surprising news broke. As the story gripped the high school, the Rogue News began to look into the real cause of this unfortunate occur-rence. After a thorough investigation consisting of numerous interviews and searches, we arrived at a conclu-sion: Ashland is just way too weird. The general consensus among the candidates interviewed centered on the overall strange nature of their entire experience in Ashland. One source who chose to remain anony-mous stated that, “...it started right away. Driving past the transient-in-fested Lithia Park really set the stage.” All of the other reports were similar, often failing to hide their distaste. However, according to the interview-ees, the candidates did not fulfill the standards set by the school board. None of them wore Birkenstocks or ap-peared to be vegan. Each one rejected

the carrot juice and tofu pâté that was served during the interview and re-fused to participate in the meditation session that took place before the pro-

cess began. All three of the candidates mentioned their discomfort during the school tour, and felt pressure when asked to take wheatgrass shots with the

staff. “When I noticed how many San Francisco Giants fans there were in the AHS staff, I knew that there was no way I could work here,” one candidate added. The crowning blow was when they toured downtown and saw that they would be living in a town filled with stores like the “Hemporium.” All three could not leave fast enough. This unfortunate report leads all Ashlandians to question what they fondly refer to as their “eccentricities.” While the people here may be proud of our roaming poets, alleged fairies that hide in trees with pan flutes and homeless prophets, one must question what the outside world sees. It may seem as if Ashland is a self-sufficient community, but, surprisingly, this is not even remotely true. Sometimes the town needs outside life to spice things up a bit. However, with things as they are, we now can probably only look to Mount Shasta to supply us with the Ashland type of person to fill the job. Only a true citizen of the State of Jefferson would willingly accept work in Ashland these days.

by Bryce Rogan

by Nathan Markovich

Over the past two years, AHS has been trying to work out an exchange program with a new sister city in Yangxin, China. Unfortunately, the deal fell through with the Yangxin school board deeming the program too facile, and denying Ashland High School as an acceptable learning area for Chinese secondary students. However, amidst this travesty, an opportunity arose allowing for an exhilarating new exchange program in the Fall of 2013. The Ashland School District has worked out a deal which creates a chance for twenty students in grades nine through twelve to live in the capital of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) for one year. The school that has agreed to take on the Ashland students is the renowned Pyong-yang Ryulgok Secondary School. It is well known for

its prestigious music and arts programs, allowing each student to be “individual together,” and prepare the leaders of tomorrow to think outside of the as-sembly line. Part of the deal also includes taking on 200 North Korean students at Ashland High School. Although this will drive class sizes up, it should allow for a new level of global comradery at AHS. Some concerns have been made over the fact that the DPRK school system works in a slightly shifted age bracket, so the youngest of the 200 students coming in is twenty-two years old. But really, students are students no mat-ter what their age may be, and these students pos-sess skills just like the rest, specifically, synchronized swimming. In an effort to make these students feel at home, athletic director Karl Kemper has contacted

OSAA officials about adding the sport to the school’s athletics program. But in order to comply with the Ti-tle IX Amendment for gender equality, the tradition-ally female activity would have to take the place of volleyball. However, this is just one small sacrifice for the benefit of such a wonderfully-planned exchange. Along with benefitting the students from both Ashland and North Korea, the school district believes that this program will help promote peace and liberty in North Korea even during times of such aggression. The DPRK officially announced that they were “hop-ing to enlighten the students of America with the knowledge necessary for living in a global world.” The Ashland School District eagerly awaits the upcoming school year and the chance to foster an international community in the youths of the world.

It is a miracle on Mountain Street as Ash-

land High School strikes oil- literally. Fossil fuels have been found underneath the beloved Ashland High School football field and major oil British Petroleum (BP) has filed for a permit to drill. Surprisingly the request had been made years ago when the discovery came to light, but the drilling request had been avoided by the athletic department and Ashland School Board be-cause of the recurring success of Ashland’s football team. This year, because of the continuing oil crisis in the

world, Ashland has decided to do their duty in assisting in the production of oil.

The drilling in Ashland will mean better gas prices for Rogue Valley residents, but it is time for the biggest contro-versy to be addressed. What will happen to the Ashland High School Football team?

The drilling will take place over the football field and practice field which ulti-mately leaves the football team stranded and without a home. Southern Oregon University

fails to aid the High School in the quest for a field to practice on because of season practices and schedule conflicts. There is only one option that the school board has proven to be the most logical. For many months the idea has been wrestled with, and with much regret the school board has decided to cut Grizzly Foot-ball for the time being.

Although this decision was one of the most difficult for the school board to make, they deemed it the best overall for the City of Ashland as well

as the community. The cut will be a sad loss, but it will mean more money for the Ashland School District. and the high school’s budget. This means more classes at the high school and intensive courses on oil drilling.

This will not be the end for Grizzly Football, but just a pause in the in the long history of Ashland Football. Seasons to come will remem-ber the day oil was struck at n Walter A. Philips Field, and look back at it as the miracle it is.

Ashland is becoming a sister city with Casper, Wyoming. Already in the works for years, this little known project will be fulfilled by 2014. Mayor of Ashland, John Stromberg, who spent many childhood sum-mers in this mid-west-ern state, is pairing up with Michelle Zundel to form this union. Our long beloved sister city of 44 years, Guanajuato, has taught us how im-portant it is culturally to form these bonds.

sister cities are often formed because of their relation of latitude; Casper, Wyoming is on the identical 42nd parallel with Ashland. Zundel found Strom-berg’s plan superb. Seeing the potential in the possible domestic exchange, Zundel has pledged to create a Casper-Ashland exchange with the Kelly Walsh High School, a school with the motto “Every-body Counts.” The hope is to allow ten of the best students at

AHS the chance to study in one of Wyoming’s centers of banking and commerce. They will have the chance to intern at such large business enterprises as Sinclair Oil Corporation or even the many mining companies headquarters, since Wyoming is the #1 national producer of coal and uranium These honored students will have home stays with families corre-sponding with their internships and experience the cowboy culture

of Wyoming’s second largest city while attending school and staying up to par with the rigorous aca-demic curriculum at Kelly Walsh High School.

Though the High School ex-change will be finalized in the next two years, in the beginning of next year, we will begin the city cul-tural exchange. Casper, a cultural hub of Wyoming, is home to the Wyoming Symphony Orchestra and three theatres offering touring

Broadways shows annu-ally. The Ashland section of the Rogue Valley Sym-phony has been chosen to appear in Casper for a showcase of Ashland’s talents paired with three Oregon Shakespeare Festival productions. The following year, Casper has planned to send the traveling Caspar Museum and Historic Site exhibit to be held at Southern Oregon University, paired with their Troopers, an internationally renowned drum and bugle corps.

The dialogue with Casper’s city manager,

John C. Patterson hasbeen settled and Patterson will be visiting Ash-land at the end of August this year for a ceremony joining the two cities as sister cities. This will take place on our newly finished Plaza and will incorporate interpretive dance telling the stories of our two cities and the hopefully positive future that is to come .from our newfound relationship.

by Alexander Sukles

by Sara Shaw

Page 2 April 1, 2013

After a long and thorough investigation, the Rogue News has accumulated enough evidence to prove that Athletic Director Karl Kemper has been hiding valu-able information from the student body. Contrary to his infamous exclamation, “It’s a great day to be a Grizzly!” Kemper actually loathes being a Grizzly. A source close to the A.D. mentioned that Kemper routinely men-tions how much he “resents the student body” and feels that he “would look better in blue [color of Banks High School] track suits anyway.” The Rogue News began investigating the situation during the summer of 2012 when Kemper was rumored to have left the school. He was allegedly moving back to his hometown, and Banks High School, at this time, and he would have become the athletic director there. An-

other source with knowledge of the situation stated that this event “escalated his rage [towards the high school] to new levels.” Around this time the suspicion of the reporters work-ing on the story was confirmed when they stumbled upon Kemper working out in the school weight room, as he usually does. However, the typically jovial adminis-trator wore a venomous expression and seemed to have at least seven tears slip down his face. The reporters were unable to discern whether these were tears of sadness or anger. Meanwhile, the song “Bad Day” was blaring over the gym speakers, cementing Kemper’s lack of love for the school. Kemper declined to comment on the report. This story has left everyone involved with AHS stunned and questioning what is true and what is all just a lie.

April 1, 2013

Betsy Bishop, current Theatre Producer and English teacher at Ashland High School, has announced that she will be changing her teaching assignment to Physical Education. Her hope is to start out teaching P.E. 1 and P.E. 2 next year and to move up from there. This adjustment is something she has wanted to do for some time, and the time has finally come. Despite what the average student may think, Bishop is actually very athletic. She enjoys cycling and spends much of the summer playing outdoor sports. “The most thing people don’t know about me is that I can lift 200 lbs. free weight,” Bishop said. She rarely demonstrates this impres-sive strength while in school, but mentioned that it often came in handy around the house. Bishop intends to continue teaching English for her first “transition year,” but she is currently looking for someone else to take over her position in the theatre department (both as a producer and acting teacher) for the 2013 fall production. She is confident that she can find a suitable replacement by the summer of 2013, a task that is much harder than it may sound. Many are speculating that it will take several people to successfully fill her posi-tion. Her schedule for next year is not confirmed, but stu-dents should know who their P.E. teacher is when they receive their 2013 fall schedules. Bishop’s absence will resonate deeply in the theatre, but she will certainly make a place for herself in the athletics department. She is very excited about this variation in her teaching career, and she is enthusiastic about the new opportunities that this posi-tion will hold.

It’s a horrible day to be a Grizzly

Betsy Bishop new P.E. teacherby Noah Strong

by Bryce Rogan

Report: Athletic Director Karl Kemper really doesn’t want to be a Grizzly

Successful theatre and English teacher takes Coach Hall’s position; claims that she has “so much more intensity.”

24 Number of students at AHS that knew we had an eques-trian team.

10Number of play-ers still needed for girls tennis to actually have a team.

68Percent of ath-letes that quit Crew after the first practice.

24”Circumference of Coach Hall’s calves.

by the numbers

12 Average number of people that watch track meets

11Number of opponents wrestler Mason Montgomery reduced to tears.

The percent of players that joined girl’s golf for reasons other than golf.

Bishop poses in a new, more practical kind of costume.photo by WIlla Lineberger-Scholl

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LEFT: Kemper strangles a mascot. ABOVE: Kemper can’t hide his disgust.

photos by Katy Barnard

The Rogue News

Ms. Hafner

Students of AHS should be warned that there is a possibility of spotting rats in the science building of the school.

Life Science teacher Jim Hartman elected to release a sizeable popula-tion of the rodents into the school over spring break in attempt to draw the lost snake out of hiding. The once infantile boa escaped its cage back in October, and hasn’t been seen since.

“I know it’s still alive,” reasoned Hartman, “Boa’s have amazing longevity, and it has a viable food source that consists of Ashland High’s preexisting brown mouse population. How-ever, after this much time, the mice have dwindled in number, and I don’t want the currently adolescent snake to become aggressive or die in the walls. The stench would be immensely distracting from classroom activities. So I elected to draw it out with a new palette of meat and capture it.”

There is a risk that the new rats will breed too rapidly and then become a problem of their own. How-ever, Hartman dismissed this notion on the basis that the pros outweigh the cons.

“If the boa becomes hun-gry enough, it could ven-ture out to bite the ankles of unsuspecting students during class, and that would become a huge fiasco to say the least. It would be a powerful chomp,” Hartman said. “I’m estimating that the snake is approximately six feet long by now, and with time it will only grow larger.”

Hartman has issued a com-mand that if the snake is spotted, dial his extension, and the reptile will be re-moved safely and humanely, as soon as possible.

Despite her young appearance, Ms. Hafner’s looks are quite deceiving. This coming April 1, she will be celebrat-ing the big 4-0 and wants to celebrate with the students and faculty of Ashland High School whom she has grown to know and love.

Given that her actual age has come to a shock to many people, The Rogue News investigated what keeps her look juvenile and attractive even in her later years.

So… what’s her secret?

Hafner goes through a series of facials, each differing according to the day of the week.

Monday-Tuesday: caviar facial that has become all the rage among celebrities such as Angelina Jolie. Al-though this may be an expensive habit, it’s worth it for the result. “Not only do I love the result of the caviar, but I love the way it feels sliding all over my skin,” Hafner explained excitedly.

Wednesday-Thursday: Leech therapy. Don’t get too creeped out yet, for this is one of the best tactics for young and healthy skin resulting in a look that does not age. Hafner along with

well-known celebrities such as Demi Moore swear by it!

Friday-Saturday: doggie drool detox. Many students have probably seen the beloved Great Dane, Odin, trotting alongside Hafner, but what they may not know is that this canine friend is crucial for a fresh-faced look. Every Friday and Saturday morning, Hafner engulfs herself in Odin’s saliva for results that cannot be beat. “There’s something in the drool that moisturizes yet firms at the same time,” Hafner explained. “It’s incredible.”

Sunday: pulling ideas from the book and movie Holes, along from advice and revelations from celebrities such as Gwyneth Paltrow, Hafner loves the work that snake venom does for her skin. This serum “relaxes the face the same way venom will relax its prey.” This elasticity is one of the key factors to keeping your look young without Botox!

Hafner’s Monday-Thursday rou-tine is then repeated throughout the rest of the week. She pairs these processes with eating healthy and drinking lots of water.

Information on her birthday party will be coming soon. She hopes to see you all there!

With new teachers come new teaching styles. Many old-hat teachers choose to start the class in a rush to get through the 85 minute period, cramming each second with information from beginning to end. And then there are the others. New-hire Devon Ward-Thommes, who has always started off each class with a breathing exercise in an effort to give students a chance to focus and clear their minds, has plans to further reject traditional teaching methods. In order to relieve students of the stresses of the school day, Ward-Thommes plans to offer alternate learn-ing environments for students, adding yoga to the everyday curriculum for her AP Composi-tion, Literary Nonfiction, and Freshman Global Studies classes. Allowing students the option of using yoga mats instead of desks, and integrating the downward dog and warrior pose into each class period will both stimulate their brains and relax their bod-ies.

“AP tests cause a lot of stress among students,” Ward-Thommes said, “And I think it’s important for the kids to relax when preparing for exams. A more comfortable environment in which they can be active will allow them to think more freely.”

Ward-Thommes recently received a grant from the school district to fund her new class-room setting, a possible sign that the direction of strict, test-geared and government-run education may be changing. At the end of April, Ward-Thommes will receive a classroom set of yoga mats and blocks.

“It’s especially important for my nonfiction students, who need to be able to open up in their writing,” Ward-Thommes said to the Ashland School District Grant Committee. “This will give them an opportunity to get comfortable in order to think comfortably.”

Additionally, Ward-Thommes reminds dubious faculty mem-bers of the stimulating and relax-ing effects of yoga, stating that the warrior pose will encourage student’s brains and sun saluta-tions will focus them.

The Enlightened Form of Teaching

by Delaney Swink

by Mitchell Harfst

by Hanna Greenberg

Turns 40HartmanCaution:

Loses Snake