THE NEWSPAPERVolume 134 Issue 9 Student Newspaper April 1, 2013 Since 1878

By Alexandra DelloStritto ’14Editor-in-Chief

Taylor Swift’s popularity seems to be disappearing as quickly as her boyfriends, as WA students are left furious after the announcement that the country-pop singer will be performing at prom. This will not be Swift’s first time singing at a high school prom, as she has been known to make stops at schools in the surrounding areas during her tours. Un-fortunately, Swift’s appearances at these proms have been nothing but bad. A few years ago, Swift arrived at a New York high school’s prom. When asked about the event, Sara, a student there stated, “I knew she was trouble when she walked in. She was wearing a glittery dress, and was clearly trying to make some sparks fly as she flirted with all the boys. Even worse than her flirting, were her vocals. The last thing we wanted her to do was stay, stay, stay.” Even fans of the singer can at-test to the fact that her actions at proms are anything but innocent. One student, that preferred to be anonymous for fear of Swift reading this article stated, “She was so mean. She took my prom picture and told me it was just another picture to burn. Then she drew an ‘x’ on my face in per-manent marker. It was horrible. I just want to feel okay again.”

It seems that after breaking up with Deerfield’s Conor Kennedy, Swift could be on the prowl for a new prep school man. Will the singer’s next hit be about a Hilltopper? Time will tell, as prom’s arrival comes closer and closer. One thing is for sure, when the prom committee announced their choice, Worcester Academy

students were not having the best day. It seems calling it a “choice” isn’t en-tirely fair, as prom committee member Shona Allen ’13 stated, “Taylor didn’t exactly ask to perform at prom. We tried to let her down easy, but she threatened us, saying simply ‘Just a reminder, there is nothing I do better than revenge.’ ” Regardless, students are outraged. Emma Berry ’15 had no sympathy for the prom committee stat-ing, “They should’ve said no.” It seems the star will never grow up, as she continues to steal the spotlight at high school proms. Some Hilltoppers have already decided against going to prom saying, “Everything has changed. This is the last time I can go to prom,

but if Swift is there I’m not going, and I’m not sorry.” A word of advice for those still attending prom: Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors and hold on to your date.

Alex Poluha ’15 is angry over the news Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

Trailers on Campus House More Than Offices: A New Movie in the Making

By Maya Franson ’14 The recent appearance of trailers on the lower quad has caused a stir on campus. Rumors about Walker renovations have circulated all year and it is the understanding that the trailers are an extension of these plans. However, this is not the case. “The Vigornia” has an insider scoop on what the administration has been attempting to keep quiet: the trailers stationed on the Worcester Academy campus are actually for a new feature film that will take place on our own school grounds and the surrounding Worcester area. “Academics are Worcester Academy’s number one priority, and we wanted to keep the movie a secret to prevent any distractions amongst our students,” says the source, who wishes to remain anonymous, “however, the Board is very excited for the opportunity to involve the students with art and pro-duction.” Parallelism is so Square stars Seth Rogen as radical geometry teacher who encourages a group of outcasts to challenge social limita-tions, and Nicholas Hoult as a high school senior struggling with family is-sues. Filming is set to begin during the second week of April. Students will continue with their daily academic life while simultaneously comprising the roles of extras in classrooms and hallways and at lunch and games. A few dedicated drama students will even be given speaking roles. “I think it will be a great learning experience for students, especially for those interested in pursuing a career in the film industry,” says drama teacher Mr. Addis. Turn to New Movie on page 6

Seth Rogen spotted entering his trailer on campus

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

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Taylor Swift Announced As Prom Performer—Students Are Seeing Red

On Campus 2

Anyone can tell from the trailers arriving one by one on campus that the renovations in Walker are about to begin. Everyone knows that there are some things that definitely need updating in the building, but just what do the renova-tions entail? After hearing all the students’ chatter about their ideal building, the school has decided that they are go-ing to make Walker the best building on campus. The renovation ru-mors are spreading quickly but here are some additons you can be sure to see upon completion. First of all, who likes stairs? Walker is going to be equipped with escala-tors open to use by all stu-dents! Now you won’t have to walk up all those stairs in such a short amount of time, as you can just step on the escalator and make the journey from class to class much more enjoyable! But wait, there’s more. Everyone knows what it’s like to sit in class in the hot summer months thinking about how much better it would be if you were swim-

ming or sitting in the AC. Unfortunately, swimming in class isn’t an option, but coming soon to the building near you: fully air

conditioned classrooms! Are the Kingsley teachers jealous yet? That’s not all! Who’s sick of the boring school desks and tacky decorations? The new classrooms will be complete with modern décor, comfy chairs, and much more stylish desks- if they can even be called desks. Learn-ing will be so much more enjoy-able in these comfortable class-rooms. And last, but certainly not least, water fountains and bath-rooms will be installed on every floor. While some enjoy the fact that bathrooms and water foun-tains areonly accessible on the first floor because it wastes class time, others hate walking up and down the stairs constantly. No

worries, because soon you will be able walk the short distance from the classroom to the bathroom without

needing to go up or down any stairs. With the growing number trailers on the quad, the Walker renovations cannot come fast enough.

By Shannon Martin ’15

By Hannah Barris ’15

The Real Deal: Walker Renovations

With an accumulation of over 108 inches of snow, Worcester has been declared the snowiest city in America. Some meteorologists report that the snowy season will not end any time soon. The record setting snowfall has not only affected us physically, but also mentally. Seasonal affective disorder (also known as “SAD”) is a type of disorder that usually begins in the fall and contin-ues through the winter months. The result is a generally tired feeling combined with moodi-ness and leaves people just plain depressed. During the so called “spring break”, an emergency meeting was convened amongst the faculty and admin-istration. It has been decided, given the weather and prevail-ing mood of the faculty and students, that a certain emergency procedure has to be instituted at once to help curb the effects of SAD. Hence forth, Worcester Academy has decided to rent tanning booths which will be strategically placed around the school campus. The booths will be available for daily use and free of charge for ten minute tanning sessions available to both students and faculty. Sun tanning lotion (with SPF of 50 or

greater) will be available at the Student Center at a charge of five dollars to help defray some of the costs. Furthermore, an anonymous donor has agreed to provide coconut shells and cocktail umbrellas, available at the Megaron during lunch hours for non-alcoholic beverages only. It has been further decided, given the exigent circumstances, that the dress code will be

temporarily modi-fied until further notice to include the use of flip flops and Hawaiian shirts. Moreover, at the suggestion of some of the faculty members and their taste in music, Jimmy Buf-fet will be played

over the loud speaker for fifteen minutes per day to help enliven the spirits of all. Lastly, at an additional cost, frisbees and leis will be supplied for all of your tropical desires. The school is fortunate to have such a responsive and thoughtful administra-tion and staff and hopefully with the above accommodations, warm weather will arrive before you know it. So get over your winter blues and pull out your floral shorts as a little bit of sum-mer comes to campus.

Spotted: This AC company’s truck was seen outside of Walker

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

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Emergency Procedure Enacted to Combat Winter Blues

Jimmy Buffet will be played over the loudspeaker for fifteen minutes per day to help enliven

the spirits of all

3News

Pretty Little Pillars: WA Community

ThreatenedBy Megan Li ’15

After the third season finale of ABC Family’s popular show, Pretty Little Liars, the mysterious “A” was still not revealed. After years of taunting the same four high school teens it seems that he or she has grown tired of Rosewood. “A” has taken aim at a new target: the Worcester Academy community. For the past two years, the Pillars have organized the “Write It Forward” letter campaign, which allows students and faculty to express their graciousness toward specific people of the Hill-top. These letters were orginally intended to brighten the days of students and faculty. Sadly however, these letters are now bring-ing nothing but pain. Several Hilltoppers have been tormented by these mysterious letters signed by “A.” “A” has somehow infiltrated the school, finding personal secrets that were never meant to be known. The unidentified extortionist(s) threaten to expose those very deep and dark secrets to the entire school. Meaghan Barry ’15 was found crying in the girls’ bathroom on the first floor of Kingsley. Barely able to speak, she admitted that she received a Write It For-ward Letter with her name nicely written in cursive on the envelope. Thinking it would cheer up her day, she happily opened it. Written in the card was: “Be careful Meaghan. The paparazzi may not have seen you with Reggie but I sure have. Hopefully Bieber isn’t jeal-ous. ~A.” Meaghan broke down into tears once she realized her future with the Canadian star was in jeopardy.

No one is safe as the faculty is also being harassed with similar letters. The recipient would like to remain anonymous, but it is certain that the Write It Forward card contained this message: “ ‘A’ might be my signature, but it’s also my grade. And if it’s not...the school will learn about your past. ~A.” This threat has many inves-tigators thinking the suspect is a student. Whether “A” stands for Anonymous or Ali, we may never know. However, we do know our futures lie in “A”’s hands.

Vigornia StaffApril 1, 2013

Editors-in-ChiefShona Allen ’13Kara Banson ’13

Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

WritersAndrew Reiter ’13

Gianna Anderson ’14Maya Franson ’14

Lauren McNamee ’14Abrielle Peltier ’14

Michael Schermerhorn ’14Hannah Barris ’15

Meaghan Barry ’15Megan Li ’15

Kasey MacDowell ’15Shannon Martin ’15

ArtistsLan Crofton ’13

Daria Cenedella ’14

Advisor Christina Webb

The threatening notes from “A” that have been reported are alarming campus officials.

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

4 Entertainment

Word on the Street: How do you feel about high school?

By Gianna Anderson’ 14 and Abrielle Peltier ’14

“High school is great. I mean I’m learning a lot. And all the kids

are treating me very nice. It’s great.”

-Billy Madison ’16

Image Credit: http://indiana.laxall-stars.com/back-to-school-back-to-

school/billy-madison-2/

“High school--those are your prime suffer-ing years. You don’t get better suffering

than that.” -Frank Ginsberg

“High School is like a spork: it’s a crappy spoon and a crappy

fork, so in the end it’s just plain useless.” -John Mayer ’13

“The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center; people wear their letter jackets

even when it’s 98 degrees out. And why do they give

out letter jackets to march-ing band? It’s not a sport.

We all know it.” -Charlie ’14

Image Credit: http://www.people.com/people/john_mayer/

Image Credit:http://www.nuclears-alad.com/moviestv/the-perks-of-being-a-wallflower-just-between-

us/

Image Credit: http://www.rottento-matoes.com/quiz/little-miss-sun-

shine-trivia/

Playing Favorites By Alexandra DelloStritto ’14 Editor-in-Chief

“The Vigornia” is the favorite

school newpaper of 99.9% of stu-dents and faculty.

Don’t be the 0.1%. Get Viggy with us.

5

By Michael Schermerhorn ’14

The Perfect Fit: Ban On Crocs Lifted It’s time to pack away those fur-lined Uggs, classy dress shoes, and “moccasins” that are really just slippers because Worcester Academy is taking a huge stride in the right direction for the footwear department of our traditional dress code. Yes folks, it is true, the ban on Crocs has been lifted. Crocs, often described as the perfect compli-ment to any and all outfits, have been banned on campus since members of the current student body can remember. Students, outraged by the ban, formed a group at the beginning of the 2012-2013 term. This group, the WASBASF (the Worcester Acad-emy Student Body for the Ap-preciation of Sensible Footwear) led by Michael Schermerhorn ’14, Daria Cenedella ’14, Samantha Greenberg ’13, Andrew Reiter ’13 and Katie Hebert ’13 lobbied the administrative powers on campus to lift the ban on Crocs; they even petitioned for federal govern-ment intervention. Narrowly avoid-ing a tense Supreme Court trial, the Worcester Academy administrative powers ultimately decided that Crocs would be a quality addition to the dress code and lifted the long-lived ban on Crocs. “It’s about time,” shared Cenedella , “everytime we had a meeting regarding the dress code, I had to leave the room. I just could not bear to hear that Crocs were banned on campus. Every night, I was forced to sit in my room in solitude staring at

my cold, empty, abandoned pile of Croc clogs in my closet. They could never be worn…until now.” But not all students are happy with the new policy surrounding Crocs on campus. To all those Negative Nancies out there, Head Monitor Gabrielle DiBenedetto

’13 wants you to know that she “em-braces it” and as the Head Monitor, she officially enforces the Annual Worcester Academy Croc Festival. See? It’s all coming together. Looking ahead, it may be in your best interest to rush to the store and buy the most stylish Crocs you can find. It will not be too difficult, as all Crocs are stylish. Rumor has it that the Worcester Academy School Store will also be selling custom WA “Jibbitz” to add a little zest to your Crocs. And as for the WASBASF, co-chair Michael Schermerhorn aspires to take the newly improved dress code one step further: “I hope that the Worcester Academy dress code can mature enough to the point that Crocs will be mandated on cam-

pus. With the ban being lifted, I think we can accomplish so much more if everyone wears Crocs. Test scores will

go up, students will participate more actively in school activities, and all the other schools in the area will be jealous of our rockin’ footwear. Crocs are exactly what this campus needs.” Tonight, Schermerhorn, Cenedella, and the other members of the WAS-BASF will add a new “Jibbitz” to their favorite pair of Crocs: a smiley face.

Royal Baby to be Named After Mrs. Thorn

Jaqui Goldsberry ’14 shops online to find some new pairs of crocs

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

By Lauren McNamee ’14 With only a few more months to go before Kate Middleton gives birth to the royal baby, the couple has finally announced that they will be naming their daugh-ter after Worcester Academy’s very own Mrs. Thorn. After making a strong impression on both William and Kate at their wedding back in 2011, Mrs. Thorn was thrilled but certainly not shocked upon hearing the news. The baby will be named Christine Joan. Interest-ingly, Mrs. Thorn told “The Vigornia” in an exclusive interview that the name Christine Joan already has a place in the Royal Family since it has been used in the past. William and Kate de-scribed their decision as being a rela-tively simple one, as they both agreed that Mrs. Thorn is “everything a member of the Royal Family should be.” The British Royal Family revealed that the baby would be due sometime in July, and the Duchess herself let it slip earlier this month that they are indeed expect-ing a girl. While it has been rumored that Mrs. Thorn can expect

a Royal invitation to the lavish baby shower later this spring, this has yet to be confirmed. Now the question becomes, what do

you get the baby that has everything? Since the news broke, Mrs. Thorn has been busy brainstorming ideas for the perfect gift. This may prove to be a daunting task for some, however, when it comes to pleasing the Royal Family no one is better suited than Mrs. Thorn. Mrs. Thorn, pictured to the left with seven of her nine advisees in front of her striking neoclassical mansion in New-port, Rhode Island, is no stranger to the life of the rich and famous. As a gesture of gratitude, Mrs. Thorn has extended an invitation to her luxurious home if the Royal Family is ever in need of a retreat

from the prying eyes of the paparazzi. The next few months should prove to be very exciting for Mrs. Thorn and her dear

friends, William and Kate. As for the rest of the Worcester Acad-emy community, we will just have to wait patiently for the news to unfold.

Mrs. Thorn welcomed her advisees into her beautiful mansion last fall

Photo Courtesy of Mrs. Thorn

On Campus

News 6

Worcester Academy will be able to promote the devel-opment of the individual over the masses in accor-dance with its core values

The cast and crew will be filming at Worcester Acad-emy for the rest of the year and into June. Director Frederick Smith is super excited to be immersed into a real academic environment. He feels it will add “a distinct authenticity” to the characters’ experiences. That is precisely why he and the Board came to an agreement for Parallelism is so Square to be based at WA. While Smith’s movie benefits from the pres-ence of real students at a rig-orous prep school, Worcester Academy will be able to promote the development of the indi-vidual over the masses in accor-dance with its core values. Parallelism is so Square is a drama that addresses real issues teenagers all over the world face and also maintains a humorous edge with the inclu-sion of comedic actor Seth Rogen. The film will be rated PG-13, so do not expect to witness the outlandishly vulgar comedy Rogen is known for.

There does appear to be opposition to the presence of a movie set on campus from faculty. They worry that it will be an ongoing interruption to lesson plans and studies, especially with finals and AP exams fast approaching. While it certainly will shake things up, the administration assures that WA will be able to adjust and that the filming schedule shows that only a

short amount of class time will be used. Ultimately, the majority of both students and faculty are looking forward to the upcoming months. “I think it will add excite-ment to the otherwise normal school day,” says Emily Ammons ’14. Parallelism is so Square will benefit the Worcester Academy community through many ways,

not to mention the chance to meet and even get to know a few stars. Do not be surprised if the number of daily absences drops dramatically.

New Movie Continued

And That’s the Tea: Lindsay Lohan Makes an Appearance at School Store

By Andrew Reiter ’13 Columnist

Breaking news, my Little Teabags! Actress, singer, Roman Catholic, and world famous Elizabeth Taylor impersonator Lindsay Lohan (age 26) is com-

ing to WA. That’s right! Lindsay Lohan is going to be the new clerk at the school store. So bring your VHS editions of The Parent Trap and your bootlegged edi-tions of Meangirls to be signed by her very famous fingers the next time you want to buy an entire box of Cheese-Its, because it will be Lindsay M. Lohan who’s selling it to you. Now mama and papa Teabags, you may be wondering, “So this is why I’m pay-ing such and such amount of money each year for! For this washed-up, bleach blonde, plastic pavement princess to be around my precious (insert the name of your preppy student here)?” Well the answer is, mama and papa Teabags, yes! You’re exactly right. I’d like to see Saint John’s pull off something half as cool as Lindsay Lohan operating their school store. Although, I would like to say that WA isn’t entirely original in having their campus graced by the heels of a cel-ebratory figure, Northfield-Mount-Etcetera has had Mason Dash Disick working as a librarian for three months now. I’ve even got some quotes from fellow students about our sudden celebrity school store saleswoman. First up from a Sam G., “I knew I should have gone to Doherty.” Such a great line of satire from Sam G. Then our very own Christina A. said, “I’m confused.” There’s nothing to be confused about, Christina! And playing dumb will not get boys to like you.

Finally a male PG said, “Who’s Lindsay Lohan?” Poor thing. But the school store’s “Lindsay Era” will bring some changes to accommodate our new saleswoman. Shockingly the store will be open from 3:00 in the afternoon to 5:00 in the evening with a one-hour bath-

room break in-between. And that’s it for the daytime shift. Luckily however, this is an ideal time for parents who are picking up their mid-dlers to pop in and give a friendly-neighbor-hood welcome/warning to Ms. Lohan. Sadly, her schedule doesn’t allow any time to operate the store until much later in the night (she has nightly dates with Lana Del Rey to get their lips… evaluated) so the next time you’d be able to pop into the school store is from 11:56 PM to 3:04 AM. These seedy hours of operation are only for ages 18+. Sadly, Lindsay’s arrival will mean saying goodbye to Mrs. Mili, longtime school store operator. When asked about Lindsay’s arrival at school, Mrs. Mili grunted and proceeded to grab a stack of planners and ran with them to the quad where she opened up a WA umbrella and flew away, perhaps to nanny some poorly behaved English children. Bye, Mrs. Mili! What a theatrical exit. Though, some new students probably would have used those planners and some student or grandpa would have loved that umbrella. Anyways, Teabags, be sure to welcome

Lindsay to campus! Some welcome to the neigh-borhood gift ideas include nude lip-gloss, a Star-bucks gift card, or a donation to the wig budget for the Liz and Dick sequel. And that’s the tea!

Lindsay Lohan is already sporting WA apparel

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

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On Campus 7

Exciting news has been received here on campus re-cently, regarding Ms. Gould and her future. She is pleased to announce that she will be working with Team USA for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro. She was contacted after the Prep School Championships, which were held in early March, by the USOC and US Swimming organization. Both organizations were very impressed by not only the WA swim team’s success, but also by their team unity. They have offered Ms. Gould a position working with the Olympic Team for the next two summers, which she has graciously accepted. Her goal is to inspire Team USA to become more sup-portive and united through hard work. Her summer will be filled with getting to know her athletes and fellow coaches along with some tough practices. Of course,

she will need to take a leave of absence from WA so that she will be free to work full time with team in the 2015-2016 school

year, but Ms, Gould says that this is, “an experience I can’t give up.” She tells us Mr. Cino has already granted her a leave of absence so she is all set for when the time comes. A member of the swim team, Meaghan Barry ’15 says, “Ms. Gould is an amazing coach and I can’t think of anyone more qualified for the job.” Our swim team here at WA can expect their coach back in September of 2016, hopefully bringing many stories of suc-cess from Brazil. When asked what the best part of this op-portunity is Gould says, “Monty will be allowed on deck for

every practice.” Ms. Gould is also sure that when the time comes, the WA community will be behind her one hundred percent, cheer-

ing her on as Team USA goes for the gold.

Gould Goes for the Gold: Coaching U.S. SWim TEam

By Kasey MacDowell ’15

Monty brings new meaning to the name golden retriever as he poses with some of Team USA’s swimmers Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

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History has been made as Worcester Academy stu-dents have won the Green Cup Challenge. The Challenge, created by Ms. Duff created the contest in order to get her ceramics students into the Irish spirit prior to St. Patrick’s Day. Students were to make a cup to the best of their ability and add their idea of a St. Patrick’s Day touch. Many participated but only one could come out with the “green.” Sophomore Mackenzie Baker’s green painted mug came out on top at first place. Following in second was another sophomore, Me-gan Li, while third place went to junior Michael Schermerhorn. The winner received a trophy that was without a surprise—green. The second and third places received medals. Baker commented, “It was an interesting challenge that I thoroughly enjoyed.” The competition was held in Ms. Duff’s room. The students worked hard on their cups until it came time to be judge. The judging, which was held on the Thursday before break, was as Megan Li said, “ the perfect, fun way to start off spring break.” Ms. Duff herself was very impressed with the outcome and success of the event, “Everyone did a wonder-ful job! The cups and mugs were beautiful. I enjoyed watch-ing the hard work that the students put into it.” The Hilltopper artists had a blast. Even though not all came out with a green cup, the students bonded and shared their passion for ce-ramics. The competition helped put the WA community in the Saint Patrick’s Day spirit.

Hilltoppers Win Green Cup Challenge By Meaghan Barry ’15

The cups, featuring various shades of green, are currently on display in Ms. Duff’s room.

Photo Courtesy of Alexandra DelloStritto ’14

Features 8

#Prep School Probs By Lan Crofton ’13 and Daria Cenedella ’14

APRIL FOOLS!

LOVE,THE VIG STAFF