ASK THE EXPERT-APRIL 2015Age of Child:16Gender of Child:FemaleQuery: Hello my daughter 16 she is very intelligent and hard working but now a days she has stopped studying and doesn't pays any attention her school is also putting pressure she acts weird what should I do? Age of Child:14Gender of Child:FemaleQuery: My child was the position holder of her school.. but now she is not taking interest in studies she is willing to be an actress.. what to do? Response to Query 1 & 2There could be two possible explanations for what is happening with your daughter. One possibility is that since she is going through adolescence and changes associated with it, these distract her. During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there often tends to be more interest in peers and in pursuing interests other than studies, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your daughter may also be experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with.The other possibility is that something has recently happened in your daughter's life that is disturbing her and causing this sudden change. This could be a conflict or problems in the family, bullying in school, peer pressure from friends to engage in some activities that she is not willing to or any other similar situation. Both the above-mentioned possibilities could be creating the distress. Lecturing her about her studies (which is just a symptom of her problem) would not be useful alone.The best thing would be if you to talk to her about the changes that you notice in her and share your concern. Communicate in an open and friendly way and encourage her to share her thoughts, feelings and concerns not matter how strange or uncomfortable they may seem. Let her know that no matter what career she wants to pursue, she would need to have some level of basic education to do well in the career. Let her know what other children her age experience so that she is able to understand and normalize her own feelings. Even if she does not share much the first time you speak to her, let her know that you are available for her whenever she feels like talking. By communicating openly, you will be giving her an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case she is bothered about something and going through a difficult time.Good luck!ASK THE EXPERT-MARCH 2015Age of Child: 7years 9 monthsGender of Child: maleQuery: Fighting with brotherThank you for submitting your query. In order for us to guide you better, some more details would be needed. It would be important to know the age of the brother, how occasionally they fight, who starts the fight, what the fights are about and the nature and extent of fights i.e. do they get verbally abusive or physically violent etc.? Children at this age tend to fight for a number of reasons and the better a parent is able to understand the reason, the better he/she would be able to address and deal with it. Explore if the fight happens when the brothers are unable to resolve a conflict or for no apparent reason, if one of the child feels that he is not listened to or respected by the other, any other issue that may be bothering and upsetting the child and which he resolves by picking up a random fight. It may help if you talk to your son about this behavior and help him share his reasons and then help him identify more appropriate ways to address those reasons and feelings.Age of Child: 16Gender of Child: MaleQuery: How should the confidence of a child increases??Children's confidence can be raised through a number of measures. It is important though to understand the possible reasons for under confidence experienced by the child, so that more efforts can be made to address those reasons. Some of the things that parents can do to help build confidence include: Praise your child for the little efforts, hard work, qualities and traits Allow him/her an opportunity to explore interests and develop skills and abilities in those areas Normalize feelings related to failures and help him/her identify ways of dealing with the weaknesses Keep expectations age appropriate as well as to a level that the child can handle. Check your own unrealistic expectations about how the child should look, behave and what he/she should achieve. Set limits and discipline the child through respectful measures instead of resorting to put downs, insults and corporal punishment Respect individual difference and avoid comparison with other siblings, cousins etc. Listen to the child's needs and explore reasons that maybe making the child feel under confident e.g. bullying in school, inability to attain the grades he/she is aiming for, stressors at home, a change in life circumstances etc. Help him/her work through these feelings and develop skills to deal with the different situations. Age of Child: 8Gender of Child: femaleQuery: shyThe information provided by you is insufficient for us to provide you with any concrete guidance. Kindly share if she has always been shy or that this behavior has developed recently. Also let us know if she is shy in front of certain people or situations or in almost all the situations. A better understanding of the behavior will help guide you better.Age of Child: 11Gender of Child: maleQuery: I am a teacher at Iqra aps Quetta. Currently I am teaching grade 6 n 7. I found many students having lack of concentration during the lecture. They are just hearing. I want to improve their listening skills. Please guide. I am a math teacher.There can be a number of strategies that you can employ to deal with the concentration issues experienced by most of the children in your class: Evaluate how interactive your lecture is and include some interesting activities and examples that can help keep children engaged. Make sure that your tone is audible and that both the tone and body language are engaging enough for the children. Frequent eye contact with children and movement in the class, helps children concentrate better at times. If your lectures are mostly in the later half of the day, you may experience the issue of concentration more and would need to work a bit extra hard in keeping them engaged. Try to identify the children or group of children, who lack concentration. Try to also identify those who disrupt others from concentrating if they can concentrate themselves. Change the seating of the children to make sure that those who disrupt others are not seated together or with children who are easily distracted. You can also seat some of these children in the front rows, so that they get fewer opportunities to distract others. If you feel that none of the above-mentioned techniques help, and that the lack of concentration is with the majority of the children, you may want to talk to the class about this. Without blaming or accusing anyone, you can point to the problem, how it affects you and the studies, take their views about the situations and encourage them to help you come up with class room norms that can be made to ensure a better learning environment. Talk to the children individually, if you feel that a few of the children are still unable to concentrate despite trying out the different strategies. These children may be going through family problems, learning and concentration issues that you can help support them with.Good luck!Age of Child: 6Gender of Child: FQuery: my daughter do not concentrate in her studies.Make sure that your daughter does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break her main task into smaller tasks so that she can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let her know what she can do once she finishes her work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if she is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.If you feel that the problem keeps happening consistently, and if you get similar complaints from the school, it is suggested that you speak to her teacher and see how you can both help her through a joint strategy, which is followed both at the school and at home. While coming up with the strategy, explore if the challenge of inattention is due to lack of understanding of what has to be written or lack of concentration or both. An understanding of this will help you tackle the issue accordingly. Suggest to the teacher to have your daughter sit in the front row, so the teacher can bring her attention back to the task; divide her tasks in smaller tasks etc. Good luck!Age of Child: 6 1/2 yrsGender of Child: GirlQuery: How can we over come her shyness in class ,as she can not participate in class discussion ,knowing every thing well(92-99 % results in academics)Query: how can i help my daughter to increase her confidence level and finish off her shyness?Query: my son don't talk in school but he is very active in home he is very shy boy in outside of homeSome children tend to be shyer than others and one can work with children to help them over come the shyness. Is the issue of shyness specifically related to speaking during the class discussion or does she also have difficulty in making friends and interacting with class children or in any new situation etc.? There is no single strategy that you can use and you can try some or all of the strategies listed below and see which one works the best: Evaluate your own parenting style and see you or your spouse put too much expectations on her, are harsh in disciplining, resort to physical punishments etc. Ensure that firm and friendly ways of parenting and disciplining are being used. Explore your daughter's main fears underlying the shyness so that these can be focused on. Ensure that there is no bullying or teasing occurring at school that might be making her feel shy. Normalize her feelings and empathize with her. Let her know of other children feeling this way and you can also tell her about your own childhood situations where you had felt shy. Avoid labeling the child as shy' in front of others as the child may feel further discouraged and shy. Help her understand the advantage of being more social, making friends and how much fun school can be if one is less shy. Help her think of girls and boys in her class that she can try making friends with and what she can say and do to initiate a friendship. Help her practice through role-plays, using dolls and puppets. Appreciate the small efforts she makes to overcome her shyness. Invite her class fellows over to the house to give her an opportunity to play and interact with them in the comfort of her house. Ask the teacher to have her sit with a student who is friendly and talkative.Age of Child: 7Gender of Child: MaleQuery: My son is 7 years old .I notice that he loses his trust in studies, at the time of study he is not attentive. All the time his attention is divert. He is shy and avoid to talk in front of others. his desire to go out side of the house and play with street boys and i don't allow him to go out side of the house. and when some guest at home he behave arrogant and misbehave with kids and some time snatch the things and misbehave with me and kids. Please tell me how do i handle my child? ThanksYou have mentioned two main issues that are bothering you, your son's inability to pay attention to his studies, and his social interaction.Some children have more challenges in paying attention to tasks especially studies as compared to others. Make sure that your son does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break his main task into smaller tasks so that he can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let him know what he can do once she finishes his work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if he is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.If you feel that the problem keeps happening consistently, and if you get similar complaints from the school, it is suggested that you speak to his teacher and see how you can both help him through a joint strategy, which is followed both at the school and at home. While coming up with the strategy, explore if the challenge of inattention is due to lack of understanding of what has to be written or lack of concentration or both. An understanding of this will help you tackle the issue accordingly. Suggest to the teacher to have your son sit in the front row, so the teacher can bring his attention back to the task; divide his tasks in smaller tasks etc.His other issue relates to interaction with others especially children where at times he is shy and at other times aggressive. How do you currently deal with this issue? It is important to stress that If you resort to force or physical punishment then remember that this would need to stop as use of aggression and force makes children believe that its okay to use force when they are angry. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change . Communication with him would be the key to understanding the issue and then addressing it accordingly. Explore the underlying reasons for him becoming shy or aggressive in these social situations and then help him sort out those reasons, helping him understand his feelings and the impact of his behavior on others. Once he becomes aware that this is a problem, work with him to develop social skills to deal with these situations in a better way for example, talking assertively and firmly without shouting; calming himself down and waiting for the anger and frustration to come down before he talks etc. Let him identify ways first and then suggest some additional ones. Also let him know that you will only listen to him when he calms down and is not screaming and shouting. If your child argues unnecessarily, diffuse this unnecessary power struggle by remaining silent at that time. You can express how you are feeling through facial expressions and body language, by stepping away from the situation and talking later. For example, you can say to the child, I think you are angry and upset and I will talk to you about it later when you are less angry'.You can use the technique of logical consequence, instead of using physical force. Consequences that are related to the misbehavior, reasonable and given respectfully are called logical consequences'. An example of a logical consequence would be to make a child skip his playtime for the day, cut some amount from his pocket money for using abusive language. Discuss and agree to the consequences with your son in advance so that he knows what to expect. Remain consistent with these.Whenever you feel that he has not resorted to aggression in a situation where he normally does, praise him, as that can be the most powerful way of reinforcing the positive behavior.Remember that when you try new ways of dealing with these issues and change your existing parenting style, the desired change r may not show immediately unless the parenting style is consistently and repeatedly followed. If you notice no substantial improvement in the behavior despite consistently trying the above mentioned strategies, we can then explore if he has an attention and hyperactivity or/and learning issue that needs to be addressed with the help of a mental health professional.ASK THE EXPERT-February 2015Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: femaleQuery: My daughter is 13 year old and sure she reached teenage but i think that her mind is still at low level. She teaches the students in her home that are invisible so sometimes I thought that she is not good mentallyThank you for sharing your concerns. Many children at younger ages i.e. around the age of three years have imaginary friends and engage in play with these imaginary friends. This, however does not continue in the age that your daughter is currently in. It would be difficult to draw any exact conclusions about your daughter based on the information that you have shared and/or without having a thorough assessment. We suggest that you consult a medical doctor who can assess her normal developmental milestones and then guide and refer you accordingly, to the required professional. Before going to the doctor, it is suggested that you also meet with her teachers to get an idea about their observations.Age of Child: 16Gender of Child: FemaleQuery: Hi! I am a mother of a 16 year old girl and I have a query. My daughter used to be very intelligent and obedient but now she has started to act really weird. She has stopped studying and doesn't get good grades now and has started to go out with friends a lot and started to hang out with boys. I don't know why and whenever I try to talk to her she starts to make excuses and then runs back to her room. I am really worried, please give me some advice.Your worry at the changed attitude of your daughter is understandable. During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your daughter is also experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your daughter in an open and friendly manner about the change that you have noticed in her behavior and what your concerns are. Make sure to do it in a manner that allows her the space to talk rather than it being a lecture. Validate and normalize her feelings and let her know that she can talk to you if there is something bothering her or if she has any questions related to growing up. By communicating openly, you will be giving her an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case she is bothered about something and going through a difficult time.Age of Child: 10 yearsGender of Child: femaleQuery: a.o.a, dear madam my daughter is studying in class 4, physically fine, height is almost 4' 7". She is very much noisy ,some time behaved very politely but some time irritated ..She is elder to 2 sons..she is very friendly with neighbour's kids.but Dont mix up with brothers.I lived with my wife and 3 kids independently. Please advise me the proper way to deal with such type of children. Due to daughter's aggressive attitude my sons are taking interests in study and even reacts like her.Please advise me , how to handle the child.From your email it appears that your daughter's aggressive and non-friendly behavior is limited to certain situations only and that there are times when she is polite and friendly especially with the neighbors kids. How do you and your wife discipline her at home especially when she is noisy and aggressive towards your sons? If you resort to force or physical punishment then remember that this would need to stop so that you can teach her what you are trying to. Use of aggression and force makes children believe that its okay to use force when they are angry. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change. Try to identify the reason for her noisy and aggressive behavior. Is it due to a recent change in the family, any stress in the household that could be having an impact on her? If that were the case, then her reaction would become better once the stressful situation improves or is addressed with her. Since you mentioned that her aggressive behavior is mostly towards the young brothers, it would be important to know how she reacted to their birth and what has changed in terms of the time and attention she gets from you and your wife since the birth of the siblings? If that seems like a plausible reason that think of ways by which you and your wife can help make her feel important and special, address her concerns about the siblings and help her adjust and accept them as part of the family.If none of the above reasons seem to be the cause, and you feel like you have not been able to simply discipline her, then in that case, try identifying what is it that you would want her to change and not deal with aggressively. Once you have done so, identify which issues are not worth struggling with your child for example, clothes she wants to wear, and which are worth disciplining her, for example, eating her meal, TV viewing timings, behavior towards siblings etc. Making a routine and setting some rules in the house, are useful ways to avoid the daily struggles about how much TV the children can watch, when they need to get ready for bed, cleaning up their mess etc.If your child argues unnecessarily, diffuse this unnecessary power struggle by remaining silent at that time. You can express how you are feeling through your facial expressions and body language, by stepping away from the situation and talking later. For example, you can say to the child, I think you are angry and upset and I will talk to you about it later when you are less angry'.You can use the technique of logical consequence, instead of using physical force. Consequences that are related to the misbehavior, reasonable and given respectfully are called logical consequences'. An example of a logical consequence would be to make a child skip her playtime for the day, if she has not finished the work, make her clean the walls if they are scribbled on, etc. Let the child know in advance what the consequence would be.Whenever you feel that she has not resorted to aggression in a situation where she normally does, praise her, as that can be the most powerful way of reinforcing the positive behavior.Age of Child: 12 yearsGender of Child: maleQuery: my child has aggressive behavior. He is extra ordinary genius but he always argue with me and some time he is irritating everyone. He haven't any issue regarding studies but he has lots of emotional issues.Children who are generally more intelligent and labeled as extraordinarily genius' are also not easily satisfied by simple answers or reasons. The commonly used terms by parents when disciplining children such as,You need to do this because I said so' or Just do what I am saying and don't ask',does not work at all. When you say that he behaves aggressively, can you shortlist the situations that he behaves aggressively in? By shortlisting and identifying the situations, you will be able to identify a pattern and reasons for the misbehavior and then address it accordingly. Once you list down the situations, discuss with your spouse and see where you both maybe adding to his aggression by not giving him the space to ask and clarify his confusion and where you feel he is being unreasonable despite having all the information. It is important to stress that If you resort to force or physical punishment then remember that this would need to stop as use of aggression and force makes children believe that its okay to use force when they are angry. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to changeOpen and clear communication and consistent messages from both you and your spouse would be the key to handling his behavior and teaching him new ways of coping. Letting him know how his behavior affects others and helping him identify other ways of expressing his feelings would be helpful in this regard.Age of Child: 7 yearsGender of Child: maleQuery: My son is 7 year old and he is very hardworking but still I notice that he does not be paying attention to his homework and lately crying during studies. what can I do to help him??It appears that your son gets distressed while doing his homework and while he tries hard is unable to pay attention. Talk to him about the crying at a time when he is not doing his homework and let him know that you will help him work through the challenges of studies. Acknowledge how children can feel overwhelmed with the increased pressure of studies, appreciate his hard work and encourage him to identify ways by which he can become more relaxed so that he can concentrate more on his studies. To help him concentrate better, make sure that your son does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break his main task into smaller tasks so that he can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let him know what he can do once he finishes his work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if he is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.If you feel that the problem keeps happening consistently, and if you get similar complaints from the school, it is suggested that you speak to his teacher and see how you can both help him through a joint strategy, which is followed both at the school and at home. While coming up with the strategy, explore if the challenge of inattention is due to lack of understanding of what has to be written or lack of concentration or both. An understanding of this will help you tackle the issue accordingly. Suggest to the teacher to have your son sit in the front row, so the teacher can bring his attention back to the task; divide his tasks in smaller tasks etc. Good luck!Age of Child: 10 Years 2 MonthsGender of Child: maleQuery: My son studying in Class - IV is hard working student and obedient and also very shy in his class as well as with outsider people and not to share anything with his colleagues, however he is very well with his brothers in home. Since last two years I notice that he is behaving very odd. He does not seem to be paying attention to his work and is not getting very good grades. He seems disturbed and preoccupied. My husband and I have given him a detailed lecture on the importance of his studies. He listens and agrees but we don't see any progress. What can I do to help him and also to take good manner?Something appears to be bothering your son, which is affecting his work and grades. It would thus be important to address the reasons behind the inability to concentrate and study rather than the studies itself. There could be a number of reasons contributing to this change such as problems with the peers at school, bullying, issues with the teachers, inability to understand a subject, stressors due to problems at home. You mentioned that he is generally shy and that might make it more difficult to for him to openly communicate and share what is bothering him.Talk to him in an open, calm and friendly manner and share your observations about the changes you have noticed in him. Let him know that he can share anything that bothers him and that you will listen and support him without putting any blame. Once he starts to open up, help him deal with the situation accordingly, by both validating feelings that are normal and by helping him develop positive coping skills. Once the underlying issue bothering him is discussed and resolved, he will most likely be able to get back to concentrating on his studies.Age of Child: 10 years 6 monthsGender of Child: maleQuery: My son is very intelligent and position holder .we have very good atmosphere in home. Nowadayz He makes faces when he concentrate anything like study ,writting,watching TV or playing games squeeze nose very frequently within minute and do some strange thing with his face before this he do continuously scratch his nail of thumb with other finger very consistently so it became horrible now .Some of the ways to help your son deal with this repetitive behavior and what you term as a strange thing are as follows: The more a child concentrates and focuses on the behavior, the worse it gets. Thus let your child thinks of ways to distract himself and not pay too much attention to it. Stress can trigger and worsen this behavior. Thus help your child deal with his stress. If he puts too many expectations on himself, wants things to be perfect, help him remove the pressure he puts on himself. If he delays and leaves his work for the end, help him plan his day so that he is not overwhelmed by too many deadlines. Tell him to let the behavior out if there is an urge and not hold them back as it can be counterproductive and worsen it. Make sure that your child gets enough sleep and rest at night as tiredness also makes the repetitive behavior worse.There is a possibility that the repetitive movement and behavior that your son shows may be a tic'. Tics are sudden and repetitive in nature which children can find difficult to control. Some common tics include, nose wrinkling, head twitching, eye blinking, lip biting, facial grimacing, kicking, jumping, coughing, throat clearing, grunting, sniffing and hissing etc. While in some children tics go away with time, however in some they may stay for a longer duration. In case you feel that the behavior is not improving despite trying the tips mentioned, or getting worse with time, do consult a medical specialist, a child psychiatrist or psychologist for detailed evaluation and further guidance.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: boyQuery: My son is in eighth grade. After the first term his academics started to get low. Teachers complain that he does not pay attention to his studies and wants to go outside. What should i do?It appears that the change in his academic grades is a recent occurrence and that he did not have these issues while he was younger. Open and clear communication with him on this issue would be the best way to move forward. Let him know what the teachers have shared and give him an opportunity to share what his thoughts are about the issue, where he thinks the problem lies, and what he can do to improve this and how you as parents can help him deal with the issue. By communicating openly, you will be giving him an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case he is bothered about something else, which is affecting his studies.Another angle to keep in mind is related to the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), which your child is going through, where a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes occur. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, distraction, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the changes associated with this age and provide him an opportunity to share his concerns and ask questions.Age of Child: 14Gender of Child: maleQuery: He is 8th class he has psychological problems that are becoming severe. He has no interest in education. He spends most of his time on internet. He is very rude and takes no notice of his elders. his performance in his studies show decline and shows no improvement. We need your guidance.During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your son may is also be experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the change that you have noticed in his behavior and what your concerns are. Make sure to do it in a manner that allows him the space to talk rather than it being a lecture. Validate and normalize his feelings and let him know that he can talk to you if there is something bothering him or if he has any questions related to growing up. By communicating openly, you will be giving him an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case he is bothered about something and going through a difficult time.Besides, this, you can also work with him to come up with some key rules and norms that he agrees to follow related to the time he will spend studying, on the internet, with friends etc. as well as acceptable behavior. Let him identify consequences, in case the norms are not followed so that he owns and follows the norms. The consequences must be reasonable and given respectfully. Help him develop communication skills so that he can state his feelings and thoughts clearly without offending others. You and your spouse can be the best role models in this regard by communicating with him assertively and clearly yourself. Best of luck!Age of Child: 9Gender of Child: femaleQuery: my daughter is very bright. However, I find her over confident at times. She says studies are very easy, and purposefully does not study enough till very last. Though she does well, but I know, she has the potential to do far better than that.It is natural for every parent to want his/her child to do better or utilize his/her potential to the fullest. However, before you do so, evaluate your own expectations from her and make sure that they are realistic and not discourage the child or put too much unnecessary pressure on her. Once you have done so, only then decide what can be done to help her improve.Age of Child: 7 yearsGender of Child: MaleQuery: My 7 years old son is a student of class 1. Though I take my son to parks during the weekends, but due to the haphazard environment and security issues, I try and keep him home. Consequently, he has developed a great interest in watching cartoon/animated movies (good ones with moral lessons). In addition to this he likes to play video games and we can hardly stop him as he demands after completing his homework. Am I parenting him wrong? Can you advise better options if i'm doing it wrong. Looking forward for your advise, please.Your concerns about the security situation are understandable and as a parent you are trying to provide the best environment and activities that you can. Video games tend to be very addictive and are a cause of concern among many parents. The fact that most of the video games are violent and normalizes violence among children is also of concern. Think of ways by which you can cut down on the time spent playing video games and watching television and replace it with some board games, indoor physical activities and activities that he can do in the garden outside the house. Switching him from the video games will not be easy at first, but you will have to be consistent and firm and make sure that enough excitement is created with the alternate activities.Age of Child: 9 yearsGender of Child: femaleQuery: Thumb sucking and nail bitingChildren suck their thumb and bite their nails due to a number of reasons such as boredom, curiosity, and stress release. There are called nervous habits. From your email it is unclear how frequent and serious the behavior is. Some of the things that you can try are given below. However, if the situation worsens with time and does not improve despite consistently trying these tips for some time, consult a doctor for guidance. Try to understand your daughter's anxieties and help her deal with them. Is there a recent change in the family, a move, death, fights in the house, a new class etc.? If, so help her cope with these changes. At times we focus too much on making the child stop the behavior without addressing the underlying anxiety. Set some reasonable rules about when and where nail biting and thumb sucking can and cannot happen. Such behaviors are generally at an unconscious level, thus, punishing and constantly reminding the child about them does not help. Too much pressure to stop may actually worsen the habit as it increases the stress. Make her aware of the habit and help her think of ways of overcoming it. Chances are that other kids notice it too and make fun of it. Address how this makes her feel and how she can deal with it. She will need a lot of encouragement to do so. You can also keep a secret code between the two of you, to remind her that she is thumb sucking or nail biting as at times, she may not even be aware that she is doing it. This way she will not publicly feel embarrassed about being told to stop the habit. Help her think of alterative activities to do whenever she feels the urge to repeat the habit. Teach her techniques to calm down and relax, such as taking deep breaths, inhaling from the nose, holding the air inside and exhaling from the mouth; imagining herself in a happy and calm place while focus on the breathing. Engaging her in physical activities could also be useful.Age of Child: 5Gender of Child: maleQuery: Not taking interest in studies. And eats only junk food happily. And very selective things he eat.This is an age to form habits in children which first requires being clear about what habits you want inculcated in your children and then creating an environment where the child can consistently learn to adapt to the new habits. It is also important that all the adults in the family that he lives with also follow what you are trying to teach him; otherwise, he would be getting mixed messages. If you want your child not to eat too much junk food, make sure that junk food in not available at home which will automatically force the child to choose from the healthier options available. He might resist it at first, which can be ignored but when he sees no option out, he will start to follow through. Initially you can start by cutting down on the junk food and limiting it to over the weekends etc. Similarly, when it comes to studies, make sure that it is generally the same time of the day everyday that you make him study. If he is too tired and/or there are too many distractions around, he will not be able to concentrate or want to study. Remember that being clear and consistent with what you want changed is the key.Age of Child: 4Gender of Child: MaleQuery: My son is of 4 years and he has a habit of throwing "thook" on others. We have tried many things to stop him doing this but all in vain. Please help us.It would have been useful if you had mentioned the situations in which your son spits and what you have tried in the past that did not work, so that a more accurate response could have been provided. Children this age are still learning how to communicate their thoughts and feelings especially that of anger and frustration and at times express these through spitting. Hitting to discourage this behavior is of no help and in fact teaches children to express their own anger violently. Similarly making fun of children also does little to discourage the behavior. Talk to your son when is calm and gently yet firmly let him know that this behavior is disrespectful and if he is upset he will have to show it through a way that is not disrespectful. Help him come up with other ways. Let him know that if he spits, you will not be able to communicate with him and will only do so when he calms down. If he spits again, you can walk out of the room or move to another corner of the room and tell him that you will speak when he is calm and ready to talk without spitting. This way you will be discouraging the spitting and he will eventually learn that you will communicate only when he does not spit. You can appreciate him in instances where he does not spit in which he earlier used to.Age of Child: 15Gender of Child: maleQuery: My son is good at his studies but lately he is been acting weird he don't like other kids and don't interact good with other people . He don't like anyone to be in his room and try to avoid other peopleYour worry at the changed attitude of your son is understandable. During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your son is also experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the change that you have noticed in his behavior and what your concerns are. Make sure to do it in a manner that allows him the space to talk rather than it being a lecture. Validate and normalize his feelings and let him know that he can talk to you if there is something bothering him or if he has any questions related to growing up. By communicating openly, you will also be giving him an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case he is bothered about something else and going through a difficult time.Age of Child: 5 year oldGender of Child: maleQuery: MY SON IS 5 YEAR OLD AND CRIES A LOT EVEN FOR AFTER EVERY FIVE MINUTES FOR A WHOLE DAY HE HAS BECOME STUBERN KINDLY SUGGEST WHAT SHOULD WE DOIt would be important to understand the reason behind his frequent and uncontrollable crying and the triggers for this. For example, it would be important to know if there has been a recent change in your family, a traumatic experience that he has witnessed, stressful life circumstances etc. and if that is not the case, how are his development milestones like? Is he otherwise developing according to age etc. Think through these things as they may help you narrow down the reasons. If you are still unable to pinpoint the reason, consult a child specialist who would be able to examine the child and guide you accordingly.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: maleQuery: my son is 13 years old and he was the topper in his every school until we admitted him in this school and now his grades are constantly getting low.Your child seems to be adjusting to the new school environment, where there are new teachers, students and perhaps different way or teaching and a changed curriculum. Change can be extremely stressful at times and children and adults both adjust naturally with time. The best would be to talk to your child and give him an opportunity to share with you any difficulties that he is experiencing both academically and socially in adjusting to the new environment. Validate and acknowledge the change and help him develop skills of dealing with issues that he maybe experiencing associated with the change.Age of Child: 10yearsGender of Child: maleQuery: My son is studying in class 4. He is physically slightly week. Does not concentrate on studies. When being taught, starts looking here and there. Would ask for washroom and waist lot of time there. If sent to bring some notebook etc will keep on hiding and have to be called back time and again. Remains happy in outdoor games / activities. Also takes interest in computer games,watch TV with interest. Occasionally takes interest and produces good results. Overall results are fluctuating round the year i.e 85%, 40 %, 75%, 64%.It appears that your child's inability pay attention is bothering you. There are many reasons why children do not concentrate and take responsibility. Understanding these would help you and the teachers work together to deal with them. Some times children behave this way to gain attention, show their control, feel inadequate and/or are disturbed by certain events and situations. At other times children behave this way due to lack of concentration, hyperactivity and learning difficulties that they seem to have from childhood. While in some children it could be a mix of both external situations and internal learning and concentration issues. However, It would be important to differentiate between the two so that you can deal with it accordingly. One way to differentiate between the two is that learning and concentration issues, are exhibited in children since an early age with parents and teachers complaining of the child's inability to sit through the work, easily getting distracted, but staying focused for hours on computer games and cartoons as they have a lot of movement, interrupting the class, forgetting things easily, making mistakes repeatedly, inability to grasp concepts etc. Read up on Learning Disabilities' and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' to see if you feel that it describes your son's condition and so that you can be guided accordingly.Age of Child: 05Gender of Child: maleQuery: My son is 5 years old. He is intelligent but could not write words properly how can I handle himTalk to his teachers and seek their guidance in this regard so that both you and his teachers follow the same strategy to help him with his writing.Age of Child: 7Gender of Child: sonQuery: My son is 7 years old.He is a hard working.He is always a position holder in his class but he is always rude to everyone.He always shout a lot. He does not listen my advice.He is misbehaving with everyone.I don't know why he is doing like this.How i can make changes in his behavior?How do you discipline him when he misbehaves or is rude? Have you communicated with him about this issue and the impact his behavior has on others? Is this a recent change in behavior and has there been any recent change in his environment and life, which you think might be contributing to him misbehaving. If there is some current stress at school or at home then helping him cope with that, would help the misbehavior settle down. Communication with him would be the key to understanding the issue and then addressing it accordingly. Do talk to him openly to ask if something has been bothering him and the change that you have noticed. However, if you feel that this is not the case, then speak to him openly and specifically about the incidents where you feel he has misbehaved and discuss with him how it affects others. Ask him to come up with ways by which he can better express his anger, disagreement etc. in ways that do not hurt others or harm him, for example, talking assertively and firmly without shouting; calming himself down and waiting for the anger and frustration to come down before he talks etc. Let him identify ways first and then suggest some additional ones. Discuss with him some reasonable consequences to his misbehavior. Also let him know that you will only listen to him when he calms down and is not screaming and shouting.Age of Child: 5 years oldGender of Child: MaleQuery: My child is 5 years old and is really emotionally disturbed .... as he is the youngest of all in the family and as he has three older brothers everyone plays with him as if he is someone their own age due to which whenever he goes out to the park or somewhere else he gets a little shy from other people who praise him and so he tends to behave like he does with his brothers eg kicking the person praising him or slapping him etc which is really embarrassing and he gets sad on stupid things like not getting his juice in time or being slightly teased by his brothers which is really tiring since whenever he gets sad he just hides somewhere and doesn't come out no matter what you say .... I really need your advice on what to do with him ...Children this age are still learning how to communicate their thoughts and feelings and are unsure on how to relate to others. This is also an age they are learning self control so if they don't get things their way they often tend to react. Staying calm and firm teaches children that they may have to wait for certain things or follow certain rules. When he cries over juice and food, you can try ignoring the behavior and the child will gradually learn that crying does not resolve the issue. You can even try giving him options to choose from or distract him towards another activity.As for the issue related to hitting and kicking others. Talk to your son when is calm and gently tell him that meeting new people make children feel shy and uncomfortable and that does not mean that we express these feelings by hitting or kicking them. Discuss with him how it may make others feel and what else he can do instead. You can appreciate him in instances where he does not kick or hit in situations in which he earlier used to reinforce the positive behavior. Observe how your older sons play with this son and each other and help all of them manage their anger and disagreements nonviolently.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: femaleQuery: my mother is died I believe on everyone i ve no friends.Sorry to hear about the death of your mother. It must a difficult phase for you. Children go through a number of feelings such as sadness, guilt, anger, helplessness etc. when they loose a loved one. Remember that these feelings are natural. In times like these it is important that you talk to a close relatives and trusted adults about how you are feeling and resume the normal routine activities that you earlier liked. Do connect and talk to your father, siblings and any other family member who are close to.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: MaleQuery: I want to share that my son is not interested in studies. whenever i talk to him about studies he became aggressive and he never show even good results. we are very worried about him.his lack of interest in educationTalk to him about your concerns and let him know about your worries related to his behavior in an open and calm manner at a time when is not agitated.During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your son may is also be experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the change that you have noticed in his behavior and what your concerns are. Make sure to do it in a manner that allows him the space to talk rather than it being a lecture. Validate and normalize his feelings and let him know that he can talk to you if there is something bothering him or if he has any questions related to growing up. By communicating openly, you will be giving him an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case he is bothered about something and going through a difficult time.Besides, this, you can also work with him to come up with some key rules and norms that he agrees to follow related to the time he will spend studying, on the internet, with friends etc. as well as acceptable behavior. Let him identify consequences, in case the norms are not followed so that he owns and follows the norms. Help him develop communication skills so that he can state his feelings and thoughts clearly without offending others. You and your spouse can be the best role models in this regard by communicating with him assertively and clearly yourself.Age of Child: 11Gender of Child: boyQuery: hello mrs zehra how can i control my boy. he is very angry some times he fights with others students and uses abuse language can you help me.Children resort to aggression for a number of reasons and you can try determining those in your child's case and then help him deal with this aggression accordingly. Children are at times aggressive as a result of seeing aggression around them or being disciplined through physical force or physical punishment. Use of aggression and force makes children believe that it's okay to use force when they are angry and that might is right. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change. Lack of any discipline, structure or routine, no clear rules related to behavior etc. can at times confuse children about what is expected of them and thus cause them to be aggressive especially when they are used to getting their way. Other reasons for children's aggression is the result of stressful life situations that they are unable to understand and cope with. These could include death of a loved one, family problems, and difficulty making friends, some form of trauma or abuse being experienced by them etc.If your child argues unnecessarily, diffuse this unnecessary power struggle by remaining silent at that time. You can express how you are feeling through facial expressions and body language, by stepping away from the situation and talking later. For example, you can say to the child, I think you are angry and upset and I will talk to you about it later when you are less angry'.You can use the technique of logical consequence, instead of using physical force. Consequences that are related to the misbehavior, reasonable and given respectfully are called logical consequences'. An example of a logical consequence would be to make a child skip his playtime for the day, cut some amount from his pocket money for using abusive language. Discuss and agree to the consequences with your son in advance so that he knows what to expect. Remain consistent with these.Whenever you feel that he has not resorted to aggression in a situation where he normally does, praise him, as that can be the most powerful way of reinforcing the positive behavior.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: FemaleQuery: My daughter is 13 years old. I have seen some changes in her personality within last 6 months. She have become over confident claiming that she knows better than her parents. She became more talkative and dis-respectable to elders. She use to be taking care of her things and managing her things in orderly manner but now she is careless. I feel that this is just because of her company at school. Once she violated school discipline for uniform and told us that it is allowed. We did tried to council her but see no changes. Need your guidance on how we should deal with herYour worry at the changed attitude of your daughter is understandable. During the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), many children go through a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. Some of the things that you mention seem to suggest that your daughter is also experiencing similar changes. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your daughter in an open and friendly manner about the change that you have noticed in her behavior and what your concerns are. Make sure to do it in a manner that allows her the space to talk rather than it being a lecture. Validate and normalize here feelings and let her know that she can talk to you if there is something bothering her or if she has any questions related to growing up. By communicating openly, you will be giving her an opportunity to discuss and share with you in case she is bothered about something and going through a difficult time.Besides, this, you can also work with her to come up with some key rules and norms that she agrees to follow related to the time she will spend studying, on the internet, with friends etc. as well as acceptable behavior. Let her identify consequences, in case the norms are not followed so that she owns and follows the norms.Age of Child: 14 yearsGender of Child: maleQuery: he is an obedient and hardworking student. However, lately I notice that he is behaving very odd. He does not seem to be paying attention to his work and is not getting very good grades. He seems disturbed and preoccupied. My husband and I have given him a detailed lecture on the importance of his studies. He listens and agrees but we don't see any progress. What can I do to help him?Something appears to be bothering your son, which is affecting his work and grades. It would thus be important to address the reasons behind the inability to concentrate and study rather than the studies itself. There could be a number of reasons contributing to this change such as problems with the peers at school, bullying, issues with the teachers, inability to understand a subject, stressors due to problems at home.Talk to him in an open, calm and friendly manner and share your observations about the changes you have noticed in him. Let him know that he can share anything that bothers him and that you will listen and support him without putting any blame. Once he starts to open up, help him deal with the situation accordingly, by both validating feelings that are normal and by helping him develop positive coping skills. Once the underlying issue bothering him is discussed and resolved, he will most likely be able to get back to concentrating on his studies.Age of Child: 9 yearsGender of Child: FemaleQuery: 1. My child is not focus and if she is doing some thing she does not listen if we say any thing to her. Especially during studies remains restless and we don't find her focus.2. She gets angry on minor issues.3. To give overall picture it is notified here that I have three kids. A son elder than her and a daughter younger, she is a middle child. She always remain unhappy and keeps herself comparing with brother and sister.Listen to her thoughts and concerns about the siblings and let her know that you care about her and love her equally.Think of activities that you can do with her separately and then together as a family to help her connect more with her siblings.To help her concentrate better, make sure that your daughter does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break her main task into smaller tasks so that she can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let her know what she can do once he finishes she work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if she is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention.If you feel that the problem keeps happening consistently, and if you get similar complaints from the school, It is suggested that you speak to her teacher and see how you can both help her through a joint strategy, which is followed both at the school and at home. While coming up with the strategy, explore if the challenge of inattention is due to lack of understanding of what has to be written or lack of concentration or both. An understanding of this will help you tackle the issue accordingly. Suggest to the teacher to have your daughter sit in the front row, so the teacher can bring her attention back to the task, divide his tasks in smaller tasks etc. Good luck!Age of Child: 14Gender of Child: maleQuery: My son is in class 10th.He works very hard for the examinations, though he is 100% prepared but at the end he is never confident about his preparation. He commits minor mistakes which are not expected from him.It is natural for every parent to want his/her child to do better or utilize his/her potential to the fullest. However, before you do so, evaluate your own expectations from him and make sure that they are realistic and not discourage the child or put too much unnecessary pressure on him. Once you have done so, only then decide what can be done to help him improve. Encourage him, appreciate his hard work so that he feels more confident about himself. Let him know that mistakes are part of life and that each mistake can teach him ways to improve for the next time. The more he feels that there are expectations and pressures, the more he might loose his confidence due to heightened stress.Age of Child: 6Gender of Child: FemaleQuery: My daughter start weeping on a very small things. Though we have never said her anything wrong to herChildren at this age are learning to deal with and express their emotions. So it is natural for them to feel frustrated, sad and angry on things, which seem small to us but our big in their eyes. Encourage her to talk to you about what seems to be bothering her, ways by which she can deal with it. Validate and normalize her feelings.Age of Child: 10Gender of Child: MaleQuery: My son age is 10 years old. He is a new in the APS I have notice he is not happy in new school, but in FPS he was very social and active now he cut down all his social activities.Your child seems to be adjusting to the new school environment, where there are new teachers, students and perhaps different way or teaching and perhaps a changed curriculum. Change can be extremely stressful at times and children and adults both adjust naturally with time. The best would be to talk to your child and give him an opportunity to share with you any difficulties that he is experiencing both academically and socially in adjusting to the new environment. Validate and acknowledge the change and help him develop skills for dealing with issues that he maybe experiencing associated with the change.Age of Child: 16Gender of Child: femaleQuery: children unable answer the question as well as she know the answer. She loss are confidence during giving answersIs she also under confident about other aspects of life? Building her self-esteem and confidence in general will also help her improve the situation related to her studies. Appreciate her positive qualities and encourage her wherever she falters and feels under confident. Encourage her to pursue her interests and also take part in outdoor and physical activities to boost her overall self-image. Help her identify ways by which she can overcome her fears and concerns when giving answers.Age of Child: 14Gender of Child: MaleQuery: he is very emotion and start crying on little things :(Open and clear communication with him on this issue would be the best way to move forward. By communicating openly, you will be giving him an opportunity to discuss and share with you what he is bothered about.Another angle to keep in mind is related to the adolescent age (roughly starting around ten years and above), which your child is going through, where a series of normal emotional, physical and social changes occur. As a result of these changes there is more interest in peers and opposite sex, less interest in spending time with family and adults, distraction, frequent arguments and need to exert their own individuality and identity etc. The adolescent period can be overwhelming for adolescents, especially if they lack correct information about the changes that they are experiencing or/and if they feel that there is no one that they can communicate with. It might help if you talk to your son in an open and friendly manner about the changes associated with this age and provide him an opportunity to share his concerns and ask questions.Once you have considered the above-mentioned reasons and after talking to him, feel that there is no clear or concrete reason for this behavior, and it continues or gets worse, then it is suggested that you consult a doctor to rule out any clinical issue. In some children, this age can also bring about the onset of clinical depression, characterized by set of symptoms such as frequent crying and outbursts, change in appetite, sleep, concentration, energy level etc.Age of Child: 3 years 4monthsGender of Child: GirlQuery: My daughter is 3 plus and she is in playgroup, the problem with her that I want to solve is her anger she gets angry on small things and through things away and simultaneously she behaves very good too In her first PTM teacher gave her a certificate of good behaviour with peers but in last PTM teacher was complaining that she started misbehaving with other peers, so plz help in this regard. And the other problem is she is not showing her interest in studies she only wants to play with other kids as she is single child I know that's a must for a kid but studies are must too... Help me to grow her interest in this manner too.. Thanx a lot.She is very young and learning to develop self-control and will naturally have these ups and downs. This needs to be accepted. This is also an age where children begin to understand that everything in life would not be according to their demands and that they will not get whatever they want, whenever they want it. Thus, this can have its toll on them. This, however, does not mean that children are not taught self- control, which is extremely essential for positive and healthy emotional development of children. Start by making her daily routine related to sleep, eating, play and study. Set some clear rules about behavior, time for studies and appreciate her whenever she shows positive behavior. Many times, children this age become cranky if they are hungry, have not had a good night sleep or have similar disturbances and addressing these helps resolve many of the emotions without any other intervention.Age of Child: 3 yearsGender of Child: girlQuery: my daughter is in playgroup she is very intellegent but she never cooperate with teachers. she never participate in class activities although she is very active at home. she is having some adjustment problems too. Teachers tried hard but still she is unhappy in school.Has she recently started going to school? She is young and will naturally take time to settle. Meet with her teachers and discuss how you can work jointly to address this issue. Make going to school exciting for her by packing her favorite lunch, taking out her favorite clothes etc. Ask her about the other children in her class, what she likes about the teacher etc. Appreciate her when she actively takes part in the class.ASK THE EXPERT-January 2015Age of Child: 14Gender of Child: FemaleQuery: The blood curling events of December 16 has left my 14-year-old daughter traumatized. She refuses to go to school as she is haunted by the thought that something like that could happen again. I have tried everything but nothing seems to help. What should I do to get her to go to school again?It is understandable for children to feel anxious, traumatized and afraid after the incident of December 16. The fact that she is also a student of an army school must be adding to the stress. Some of the things that you can do to help her through these concerns and fears are as follows: Ask her about her main concerns and fears. Validate and acknowledge her feelings and let her know that incidents such as these make children and adults both feel the way that she is feeling. Tell her that there is no right or wrong about these feelings. While you do validate her fears and concerns, let her know that the best way of dealing with these feelings is to identify ways of coping with them. Help her identify her inner strengths and strategies to cope and calm her fears. These could include, writing her thoughts down, talking to a friend about the issue, distracting herself from the negative thoughts by making herself busy in other activities, hobbies, physical exercise. Help her differentiate between helpful and unhelpful thoughts and ways by which she can try reducing the unhelpful thoughts. Example of helpful thoughts could be,I am safe, I am with my loved ones, My school will help take care of us, One bad incident in a school does not mean that all schools would have similar incidents.Example of unhelpful thoughts could be,I am never safe, Everyone is out to get us, If I step out of the house something bad would happen to me or my family etc.Some ways of reducing the unhelpful thoughts are taking deep breaths, visualizing oneself to be in a calm and relaxing place, doing positive meaningful things in life such as helping someone in need, volunteering for a cause, writing about the issue etc. Talk to her school administration and find out what security measures are being taken. Share these with your daughter, only to an extent that will help ease her concerns related to security. Ask her to reconnect with her friends and see who all would be going to school. Tell her to identify one or two safe persons' that she can talk to if she feels afraid and overwhelmed at school. Help reduce any over generalizations and exaggerated fears by letting her know that such incidents may not happen in all the schools and that all people may not necessarily be out there to harm them. Monitor her viewing of TV and social media news related to the event and school security issues as it may be adding to her distress. Maintain her regular routine as that will help her normalize and get a sense of control on life.Age of Child: 6 years 7 monthsGender of Child: femaleQuery: meri beti ko asthma problem hai aksar hospitalize rehti hai attacks itne severe hotay hain k ICU me rehti hai 1 or 2 weeks. kuch arsay se hum ne note kia hai k wo kch ajeeb sa behave krti hai maslun koi b bahar ja raha ho she wants to go with him or bahar janay walay ki jaan nai chorti jb tk wo sath lay janay pe agree na ho jaye.apni age se bari batain krti hai.parhai me zada nai lakin behter hai writing bht achi hai.baat nai manti.teachers kehti hain k "no commints for her" smjh nai a raha k kia kru??Thank you for sharing your concerns. It must not be very easy for your daughter and your family that she has to be hospitalized frequently due to the severe asthmatic attacks. Frequent hospitalizations and ill health is not easy and can sometimes make children go through all sorts of feelings. Children often tend to miss the activities other children engage in and that they are curtailed from such as playing outside. Since she is very young, she may not even fully grasp the reasons for hospitalization and what all is happening to her. The best would be to understand what is going on in her mind so that you can address these concerns and help deal with the behavior you are having a problem with. Explore her thoughts through play activities, imaginary stories, puppets. Children this age often tend to open up when you ask them about how other children going through similar situations, would feel. You can say, I want to tell you a story of a girl, Fatimah, who has to go to the hospital a lot. How do you think Fatimah feels about this?' What does Fatimah miss most? What are her fears?' What can we do to help Fatimah feel better and stronger?'etc. These will help you open up the conversation with her and allow you an opportunity to address her thoughts and feelings by clarifying them, validating them and helping her identify ways to take care. You can also then directly ask her how she is doing. Best of luckAge of Child: 8 yearsGender of Child: GIRLQuery: My daughter is 8 years old. She used to weep all the time. She did not show interest in any thing except playing computer games. If I ask about her school, friends, homework or anything she just start weeping. I do not know how to sort out this problem.I suggest that you speak to her teachers to find out if how she is doing in school both academically and behaviorally. This will help determine if the issue only arises when she is at home or that she is also exhibiting this behavior in school. How is she when it comes to other things at home, for example following house rules, doing her chores and her mood in general? Encourage her talk to you about what seems to be bothering her. Curtail her time spent playing computer games and direct her attention towards other activities.Age of Child: 8Gender of Child: maleQuery: Why my child is so aggressive even then he has all luxuries of life?Having luxuries in life is not the main and only way of attaining happiness and peace. Children resort to aggression for a number of reasons and you can try determining those in your child's case and then help him deal with this aggression accordingly. Children are at times aggressive as a result of seeing aggression around them or being disciplined through physical force or physical punishment. Use of aggression and force makes children believe that it's okay to use force when they are angry and that might is right. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change. Lack of any discipline, structure or routine, no clear rules related to behavior etc. can at times confuse children about what is expected of them and thus cause them to be aggressive especially when they are used to getting their way. Other reasons for children's aggression is the result of stressful life situations that they are unable to understand and cope with. These could include death of a loved one, family problems, and difficulty making friends, some form of trauma or abuse being experienced by them etc.Age of Child: 2 years 1 monthGender of Child: maleQuery: dear mam I don't know if i am allowed to ask about my son who is not in school, but please try to understand i have done every single thing possible. he doesn't respond to anything i do no eye contact and does'nt do the things that kid in his age do and doesn't even say mom or dad only bbbbb mmmmaaa gagagga kakaka this kind and is very active moves all the time but he does respond to cartoons he like and if he wants something he does make that clear by pulling me. I am bit concern that he might have autism. i have also taken him to agha khan for ear test and that was clear and went to specialist. Please can u help me with anything that will really help me. if u can suggest me anything or recommend me any specialist or speech therapy please answer thank youFrom your email I gather that you are based in Karachi. I would suggest that you show him first to a good pediatrician in Karachi. Aga Khan would surely have some good ones on its panel. The pediatrician upon seeing the child and having a thorough discussion with you will ascertain if his developmental milestones fall in the normal range. Once that is done, he will be able to guide you to the best services. I am aware that Aga Khan Hospital has experts that deal with all sorts of childhood issues and would be able to help you with that. Best of Luck!Age of Child: 10 YrsGender of Child: FemaleQuery: My student is about ten years old. I have been noticing for the last one year that she is not showing that much response which I want from her regarding class participation. She does not read a loud, has nothing in excuse regarding home work why has not done. Understands me or not. Just stands with head in bowYou mentioned that you have noticed this in the last one year, does this mean that she was not like this before? Children show such behavior either if they are upset about something or if they have a learning issue. Try talking to her separately and ask her what you have noticed and how you can help her improve this. You can also share with the principal and ask if the other teachers who take her class, notice the same issue and how they have been tackling it. You can also meet with the parents to determine the root cause and how she can be helped. Working together with the parents can be very helpful as both of you would be helping her through using similar strategies.Age of Child: 4Gender of Child: boyQuery: My Child whose name is Muzamil Khan, on a daily basis demands new items like Erasers, Sharpeners, School Bags etc. If not provided, he gets upset and doesn't go to school happily, what to do?He is young and learning to develop self-control and will naturally have such demands. This, however, does not mean that you give in to these demands. This is an age where children begin to understand that everything in life would not be according to their demands and that they will not get whatever they want, whenever they want it. Self-control is extremely essential for positive and healthy emotional development of children. You will notice that while he might get upset, he might also forget about it when you don't bring the issue up or/and give too many explanations. When he does that remain calm and let him know that he cannot have a new thing every day. At other times, you can divert the discussion to something happening in the school or home.Age of Child: 6 yrsGender of Child: maleQuery: My son gets aggressive and gets stick to one thing. sometimes he says" aap mujhay maren ge to maren maren na." How should I deal with this behaviour?Thank you for sharing your concerns. How do you normally deal with his aggressive behavior? If you resort to force or physical punishment then remember that this would need to stop so that you can teach him what you are trying to. Use of aggression and force makes children believe that its okay to use force when they are angry. It also makes them more stubborn and less resistant to change. Try to also identify if his aggression is due to some stress in the household that is having an impact on him. If that is the case, then his reaction would become better once the stressful situation improves or is addressed with him.If that is not the case, then try identifying what are the things that make him aggressive and that he sticks to. Once you have done so, identify which issues are not worth struggling with your child for example, clothes he wants to wear, and which are worth disciplining him, for example, eating his meal, TV viewing timings etc. Making a routine and some rules in house, are useful ways to avoid the daily struggles about how much TV the children can watch, when they need to get ready for bed, cleaning up their mess etc.If your child argues unnecessarily, diffuse this unnecessary power struggle by remaining silent at that time. You can express how you are feeling through facial expressions and body language, by stepping away from the situation and talking later. For example, you can say to the child, I think you are angry and upset and I will talk to you about it later when you are less angry'.You can use the the technique of logical consequence, instead of using physical force. Consequences that are related to the misbehavior, reasonable and given respectfully are called logical consequences'. An example of a logical consequence would be to make a child skip her playtime for the day, if she has not finished the work, make her clean the walls if they are scribbled on, etc. let the child know in advance what the consequence would be.Whenever you feel that he has not resorted to aggression in a situation where he normally does, praise him, as that can be the most powerful way of reinforcing the positive behavior.ASK THE EXPERT -December 2014Age of Child: 15Gender of Child: femaleQuery: Now a days I have noticed that my daughter is not paying much attention towards her studies and paying more attention towards her facebook account what do I do please tell?The use of social media, computer games and electronic gadgets has become a huge concern for parents these days, both in terms of it distracting the children from their studies and the kind of potentially threatening and exploitative situations it exposes children to. The need for creating a balance remains a challenge for many parents. Talk to your daughter and share your concerns with her openly. Before speaking to her, be clear in your own mind what you would like her to change and how much time you would like be willing to allow her to spend on facebook. When you share your concerns, do give her an opportunity to share her thoughts and views and let her come up with a plan to reduce these timings and make a time table for studies and other activities. You can also encourage her to get involved in other healthier activities such as playing a sport and reading. Do educate and discuss with her the potential vulnerabilities for young people like herself related to social media. Best of luck!Age of Child: 14 yearsGender of Child: femaleQuery: My daughter is under confidentThank you for writing to us. It would be important to know more about your daughter to understand her reasons for being under confident so that you can be guided accordingly. Children could feel under confident for a number of reasons and understanding these are important before something is suggested. Is she under confident in certain aspects of life e.g. in school, with the family, friends, about her appearance, skills and abilities etc.? How does the under confidence show in her behavior? What have you done to address it? Has she always been like this or do you feel that she has changed after some incident or life circumstance? What are the current life stressors in your family and her life?Age of Child: 12 yearsGender of Child: maleQuery: My child is extremely irresponsible; I want to know something that I could do for him. His carelessness is annoying for me as well as for his teachers.It appears that your child's inability to take responsibility and pay attention is bothering you and the teachers. There are many reasons why children make careless mistakes and not take responsibility. Understanding these would help you and the teachers work together to deal with them. Some times children behave this way to gain attention, show their control, feel inadequate and/or are disturbed by certain events and situations. At other times children behave this way due to lack of concentration, hyperactivity and learning difficulties that they seem to have from childhood. While in some children it could be a mix of both external situations and internal learning and concentration issues. However, It would be important to differentiate between the two so that you can deal with it accordingly. One way to differentiate between the two is that learning and concentration issues, are exhibited in children since an early age with parents and teachers complaining of the child's inability to sit through the work, easily getting distracted, interrupting the class, forgetting things easily, making mistakes repeatedly, inability to grasp concepts etc. Read up on Learning Disabilities' and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' to see if you feel that it describes your son's condition. In addition, share with us exact situations in which he behaves carelessly and irresponsibly so that we can guide you accordingly.Age of Child: 13Gender of Child: maleQuery: His name is Shumail... and doesn't pay attention to others. He had a friend named Ibrahim and used to talk a lot about him and had fun with him but ever since he moved away he doesn't mention him and doesn't talk much, should I take him to visit him in Multan or should I buy him a ps4 which he demands if I don't take him from Karachi. He doesn't talk much.From your query it appears that the change in your son's behavior occurred after his friend moved away. Missing someone that one is close to is a natural feeling. If your son's friend has just recently shifted, give him some time to naturally get back to feel his usual self. You can also talk about the change that you have noticed in him, validate his feelings and give him an opportunity to talk about what he misses about his friend. Help him stay connected to the old friend through letters, email, phone call and encourage him to identify other children in his class that he could now interact with. Let him know that while no one may be able to replace the friend, he can still look for others who share similar interests and thoughts that he shared with his friend, Ibrahim. As for buying a PS4, it would completely be your choice. However, it is important to point out that at times, both children and adults, compensate for feelings of loss, sadness through material objects and if this becomes a pattern of coping, it might not be very helpful in the long run.Age of Child: 5Gender of Child: femaleQuery: My daughter is very slow in schoolwork. She does a page of writing in one hour. At home too she do same thing. She is distracted for her schoolwork very easily.It is suggested that you speak to her teacher and see how you can both help her through a joint strategy, which is followed both at the school and at home. It is also recommended that you involve the section head of junior school that may have more experience working with children with similar problems and would be able to guide accordingly. While coming up with the strategy, explore if the challenge of completing work is due to lack of understanding of what has to be written or lack of concentration or both. An understanding of this will help you tackle the issue accordingly. Suggest to the teacher to have your daughter sit in the front row, so the teacher can bring her attention back to the task. At home, make sure that your daughter does not study in a room with too many distractions such as people talking, television, too many toys around etc. Break her task into smaller tasks so that she can understand them better and is also not distracted. Let her know what she can do once she finishes her work, which will help as an incentive. You can also assess if she is getting ample sleep, nutrition and is not disturbed by any family issues and stressors. All these things can also affect children's ability to pay attention. Good luck!ASK THE EXPERT -November 2014I am mother of three boys, ages 10, 8 and 5 years. My husband is frequently posted in hard areas so I have been raising my sons alone most of the times. When I had only one child, I had no issues managing his behavior and routine but with three children I have my hands full. I am not a very strict mother and let them have their way but then there are times they get totally out of control, don't sleep on time or finish their work and fight with each other. In such situations, I end up scolding and hitting them. I do try not to resort to hitting, but they take advantage of my lenience. I live with my in laws and they keep telling me to bring about some discipline in their lives. I don't want to be too hard on them as they miss their father. Please guide me how I can get them to become disciplined without my having to resort to punishments and hitting.Dear Parent,Thank you for sharing your situation openly and honestly by highlighting what you think might be going wrong in this situation. Your need to provide the best for your children, in the absence of their father is understandable and the fact that you have to raise them on your own may add to the stress. Often times, a single parent tries to compensate for the absence of the other parent by either letting children do whatever they want to or/and showering them with expensive gifts. You seem to be facing a somewhat similar situation where you don't want your children to miss the fact that their father is not around by not being strict with them about their daily chores and habits.While your children's behavior will be affected by changes in the family (in your situation frequent absence of your husband), It is important to know that you can address the father's absence and their having to follow a general discipline as separate issues.You can talk to them in ways that elicits their feelings about the father's absence and how best they can cope with it. For example, you can ask them; How do you feel when abu is not around? What do you miss most about him? Why do you think he is not here with us? How can we best keep connected with him? What is it that you think you can do/we can do as a family to deal with some of the feelings you shared?It is important that you listen to their concerns and fears so that you can address them accordingly. Many children tend to blame themselves for the father's absence and it is important that this be clarified. Do share their thoughts with your husband next time when he is around, so that you can address some of the concerns and feelings as a family, in an age appropriate way.As for the issue of disciplining, it is important to remember that by following too extremes i.e. being overly lenient to being extremely strict and physically harsh does no do much to teach children any discipline. While there are many things that you can do, I am sharing some common things that might help, which would need to be used age appropriately and consistently over a period of time for them to be most effective. Have your children follow a routine by setting some norms related to meal times, homework, sleep and play. Rules and norms regarding behaviors suc