band of thieves

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    FADE IN:

    INT. TRAVIS COUNTY JAIL CELL - DAY

    An officer marches past several jail cells and exits thearea. As he leaves, a young male inmate named ADAM continues

    with his story. Adam talks excitedly to his cellmate.Meanwhile another inmate named HAROLD contributes to thestory in the jail cell opposite from the one Adam is in.

    ADAMSo I find this great house, andits a breeze to break in.

    HAROLD (O.S.)Well that was only after you--

    ADAM--Like I was saying, the family was

    out so it was super easy to--

    HAROLD (O.S.)I cut the window screen.

    ADAM(Annoyed)

    Yes Harry, you did.

    HAROLDI cut it with my box cutter. HesHarry Jr.

    Harold grins proudly as Adam groans. Harolds cellmate BOB,a six-foot tall man covered in an array of tattoos, looks onin confusion.

    BOBHow did you say you got in hereagain?

    HAROLD(Triumphantly)

    Were professional thieves.

    EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE - DUSK

    A silver car pulls up next to the curb. It parks in front ofa house. CLARISSAs heels CLICK against the pavement as shesteps out of the car. She strolls down the walkway with herback to the car. Her hands hold a religious pamphlet. Shereaches the front door and rings the bell. No one answers.She rings once more and knocks. Still no answer. A casualglance through the nearest window tells her no ones home.

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    2.

    Satisfied, she walks back to the car and seemingly drivesaway.

    EXT. BACK OF HOUSE - EVENING

    Adam and Harold hop over the backyard fence. The young mendon black clothing typical of burglars. Adam surveys the

    area nervously as Harold scratches his head in a confusedmanner.

    HAROLDWhy are we doing this again?

    ADAMWe need the money, Harry.

    HAROLDBut isnt this illegal?

    ADAM

    No shit Sherlock, but the endsjustify the means.

    Adam checks out the windows as Harold haphazardly tramplesthrough the garden.

    HAROLDYou sure about this, Adam?

    ADAMIm sure that I dont want to behomeless, and neither of us can getjobs right now. You know damn wellthat landlords ready to kick us tothe curb.

    HAROLDAs in?

    ADAMAs in if we dont have the rentmoney, were fucked. Well beliving out in the streets with somerandom hobos.

    Adam realizes that all the windows are shut and curses tohimself. Harold tries opening the back door, but itslocked. Adam searches the backyard while Harold standsaround.

    HAROLDWe should leave them a thank younote once were done.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 3.

    ADAM(Grumbling)

    Harold...

    INT. FOYER - EVENING

    BENNY and Clarissa successfully break into the house bydisabling the alarm. Clarissa packs her tools up as Bennychecks out the foyer. A painting of Jesus hangs on the wall.Benny notices and smirks.

    BENNYReligious bunch, eh? Maybe theywouldve liked the pamphlets.

    CLARISSANever did care for religion.

    BENNY

    If you did, we wouldnt be breakingone of the Ten Commandments, wouldwe?

    CLARISSAOne? Im pretty sure we broke morethan that.

    BENNYReally? Then again I did sleepthrough bible class.

    The couple chuckles as they continue trespassing. Benny

    whips out a large bag as Clarissa heads upstairs. Abeautiful vase sits at the top of the stairs. She admiresits beauty. Her attention then gravitates to the masterbedroom. From her perspective, a large amount of valuableslie on top of the dresser. She swiftly enters the masterbedroom.

    EXT. BACK OF HOUSE - EVENING

    Frustrated Adam sits on the bench as Harold notices a pileof bricks. He scrambles over and grabs a brick. A well-aimedtoss sends the brick flying through the window. Adam glancesup when he hears glass breaking. He sighs and rubs his eyes.

    ADAMDamn it...you couldnt have thoughtof a quieter option?

    HAROLDWe can send them an IOU!

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    4.

    Mildly irritated and pleased at the same time, Adam unlocksthe window. He climbs into the living room. Harold follows.

    INT. FOYER - EVENING

    Benny exits the dining room with a decently sized load in

    his bag when he suddenly hears SHATTERING glass from theback of the house. He raises an eyebrow and hides the bag inthe nearby closet. His gloved hand pulls out a handgun as hecarefully treads further into the house.

    INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING

    Adam quickly grabs the small, expensive-looking decorations.He searches for any leftover money lying about. Harold gazesat the flat screen television with awe.

    HAROLDHey, you think we should take that

    TV?

    Adam turns around and spots the flat screen television.

    ADAM(Frowning)

    If we could carry that monster.Besides, its mounted to the wall.

    Adam turns back around to leave the living room only to seea gun pointed in his face. A suspicious Benny holds thehandgun, ready to fire at any moment. Despite hisseriousness, he cant hide his bemusement. Adam drops the

    items and raises his hands in fear and protest.

    ADAMHoly shit!

    BENNYUnless you want bullets in yourbrains, Id suggest you guysintroduce yourselves.

    ADAM(Eyes pointed at the handgun)

    Not until you explain this!

    HAROLD(Cheerfully)

    Oh, my names Harry and thatsAdam!

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 5.

    ADAMDAMNIT HAROLD!

    HAROLD(Noticing the gun)

    Oh shit...and quit calling me

    Harold!

    Bennys laughter fills the room as he keeps the gun pointedat Adam.

    BENNYYou guys remind me of when I wasyounger. Had no idea what I wasdoing and panicking about gettingcaught.

    ADAM(Pretending to be oblivious)

    Getting caught what?

    HAROLDYou think hes the owner of thishouse?

    ADAMHarry, just let me do the talking.

    BENNYI already know youre trying to robthis house.

    CLARISSABenny, what the hells going ondown there?

    Clarissa storms into the room. She immediately notices thethree of them. Though she has a gun, she refrains frompulling it out. Instead she stares at Adam and Harold.

    CLARISSAWho are these two?

    BENNY(Points at each guy with gun)

    Adam and Harold. Theyre trying torob the house.

    Clarissa takes note of their appearances and the room.

    CLARISSAWell, theyre doing a shitty job ofit. "Harold" has dirty shoes that

    (MORE)

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 6.

    CLARISSA (contd)are making tracks in the room.Theres broken glass from thiswindow here. Neither of them arewearing gloves like us.

    A nervous Harold backs into the fireplace and accidentally

    knocks over a vase. The vase shatters into a million pieces.

    CLARISSA(Mildly amused)

    Theyre also clumsy.

    BENNYDont be so harsh on them,Clarissa. Newbies always makemistakes.

    CLARISSAWell these are the kind of mistakes

    that will get you caught.

    BENNYTrue but--

    ADAMYou never introduced yourselves.

    The couple glances at each other and then at Adam. Clarissasteps over to whisper to Benny.

    CLARISSAWhat should we do about these kids?

    Benny turns his head a bit.

    BENNY(Whispers)

    Maybe we should help them out. Takethem under our wing.

    CLARISSA(Loudly whispers)

    Are you out of your mind?!

    BENNYLook, these kids are lost. Theyreprobably tight on cash and lookingfor a way to get some quick. If wehelp these two out, not only dothey get their fair share, we getthe benefit of robbing more stuff.Cant expect your old lady arms tocarry everything.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 7.

    ADAMWere still here, you know!

    Clarissa punches Bennys arm indignantly.

    BENNY

    Ow!

    CLARISSAFine. My names Clarissa, and thisis my husband Benny. Were here forthe same reason you are, but weremuch more experienced at it. Imgoing to make you an offer. Youhave just one chance to accept it.

    Benny finally lowers the gun. Adam puts down his hands asHarold tries to clean up the mess hes made.

    CLARISSAYou can work with us and earn somemoney. We will be your mentors, andwe will teach you how to properlyrob houses without getting caught.Should you agree, we will start byrobbing this house of itsvaluables. Should you decline...

    One of Clarissas hands strokes the handgun on the side ofher hip.

    CLARISSA

    ...Then you wont be seeing so muchas a penny. Your choice.

    Adam glances over at his friend. Harold dirties his handswith the soil on the floor. With a sigh, Adam turns aroundand stretches his hand out.

    ADAMDeal.

    Adam and Clarissa shake hands, and Benny puts the gun backin his holster. Benny smiles and shakes hands with Adam.

    BENNYLets begin then, shall we?

    The four robbers plunder the house of its valuables. Theydiscuss things as they pack up the stolen objects in bags.

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    8.

    EXT. MAGNOLIA AVENUE - EVENING

    MR. and MRS. MARTIN drive away from the house with theirteenage daughter and their pet dog. The familys black SUVpulls out of the driveway and turns off of Carter Street.The SUV drives down Magnolia Avenue and goes past another

    black SUV parked on the side of the street. Clarissa, Adam,and Harold bicker inside as Benny observes the familyleaving.

    BENNY(Dryly)

    Theyre gone.

    A moment of silence occurs as all four glance at the SUVrolling past them. Immediately after that moment, Adamresumes the argument.

    ADAM

    Look, weve been scoping this housefor weeks. You told us we wereready to take one on our own!

    CLARISSAFirst off, youre exaggerating.Youve been scoping out this placefor days, not weeks.

    ADAMYou know what I mean! But seriouslyClarissa, were ready.

    CLARISSA(Doubtfully)

    What makes you think you can handlethis one alone?

    ADAMWell, they just moved in.

    BENNY...and?

    ADAMAnd all their shits stillin boxes.

    HAROLDFind the box with all the fancystuff and snag it. Done deal.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 9.

    CLARISSA(Sarcastically)

    Because wealthy folks always keepall the good stuff in one box,right?

    ADAMExactly.

    HAROLDYep!

    CLARISSA(With a dry, sarcastic tone)

    Plan sounds really solid.Cant wait to see what you bringback.

    The two guys clamor out of the SUV. The car door shutsclose.

    EXT. BACKYARD OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    Adam and Harold sneak through the backyard with bags andsome equipment on hand. They stop in front of the screendoor.

    ADAMGood thing theres no alarm.

    HAROLDYou know Adam, that girl was prettyhot.

    ADAMShut it Harry! Besides, shesprobably jailbait. Lets go.

    Harold pulls out his box cutters and cuts open the windowscreen. Both of them climb into the house through thewindow.

    INT. LIVING ROOM OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    The guys enter the living room. Boxes lie in various partsof the room. They start inspecting the boxes.

    HAROLDAdam, all Im seeing are booksand Christmas decorations. Yougot anything?

    ADAMNah, Im getting the samething. Keep looking.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 10.

    The duo continues their search. Harold opens a box of dogtoys.

    HAROLD(Nervously)

    Hey Adam, didnt they have a dog?

    ADAM(Sighing)

    Harry...

    HAROLDYou know I hate dogs...if that dogcomes back, Im out. No way am Igetting bit tonight!

    ADAMShut up, the dogs not coming back!By the time theyre back, well be

    long gone with all their stuff!

    HAROLD(Unconvinced)

    Fine!

    Growing upset about not locating any valuables, theycontinue investigating. They move to the adjacent room.

    INT. FAMILY ROOM OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    The young men enter and notice a flatscreen television stillbeing set up. They place the television back within its box

    and prepare it for carrying out of the house. They finishwhen Harold suddenly spots an empty cage.

    HAROLD(Pointing at cage)

    ADAM, I think its one of thosevicious dogs!

    ADAMOkay, well, its not here now, socan you please get over it already?

    HAROLD(Dejectedly)

    Alright...

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    11.

    INT. MASTER BEDROOM OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    The duo finds nothing worthwhile in the house. They stopafter searching the master bedroom. Adam rubs his templeswhile he paces back and forth. Harold frowns and sits on thebed.

    HAROLDMan, what are we going to take?Theres nothing here.

    ADAMI know...FUCK. I thoughttheyd have some really goodstuff...Its cool though, we stillhave their TV and stuff, I guess.Call Clarissa and have them comein.

    Harold pulls out his phone and texts Clarissa.

    EXT. MAGNOLIA AVENUE - EVENING

    Benny and Clarissa wait patiently in the SUV. Benny chucklesas they talk about old times.

    CLARISSA (O.S.)You broke your wrist trying tocarry that load with one hand!

    BENNYHey, back then I thought it was

    worth it. Besides, you certainlydidnt bother helping.

    CLARISSAYou told me that you "got itcovered" and that it was "a mansjob"!

    BENNYWell I was a dumbass back thentrying to impress my sexy thief ofa girlfriend. I couldnt help it!

    The two laugh out loud in the car. Suddenly Clarissas phonerings. She pulls out her phone and checks her messages.

    CLARISSAIts Harold.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 12.

    BENNY (O.S.)Lets go then.

    The couple exits the car and strolls down Carter Streettogether.

    INT. FOYER OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    Adam unlocks the front door to let Benny and Clarissa in.Both walk into the house and glance around.

    CLARISSASo what did you find?

    ADAMA pretty nice TV.

    HAROLDFlat screen, HD.

    BENNYThats it?

    ADAMYeah, well, we thought theydhave more than just dog toysand Christmas lights in thoseboxes.

    CLARISSAThis is why you guys canthandle shit on your own yet. A TV

    isnt worth breaking into a housefor. Do your research next time.

    HAROLDYou want to bail then?

    BENNYYep, but first we take the TV.

    They prepare to remove the TV from the house. However,Clarissa notices someone walking towards the house.

    CLARISSAShit, someones coming!

    ADAMRUN!

    Another glance reveals OFFICER CZNARTY walking up thedriveway.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 13.

    CLARISSANo, we have to be quiet! Letssneak out the house for now andwait until hes gone.

    The robbers attempt to sneak out of the house while the cop

    knocks on the door. Clarissa leads the way. All of themcrouch as they attempt to slip towards the back of thehouse. She moves past the door but accidentally makes eyecontact with Cznarty when he bends down and waves hisflashlight through the mail slot.

    OFFICER CZNARTY(Cheerfully)

    I see you in there!

    CLARISSA(Whispers)

    Fuck! Okay guys, go in the

    other room. Let Benny and I handlethis. Now GO.

    Harold and Adam exit the room. Clarissa stands up straightand walks over to the door. She reaches out to open it.

    EXT. MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    From the side of the wooden porch, we see Officer Cznarty, amiddle aged officer in uniform with dark hair neatly combedinto place, glasses, and an inquisitive smile. The lightsdownstairs switch on. The front door opens to revealClarissa posing as Mrs. Martin. She notices Cznartys

    uniform but doesnt acknowledge it.

    CLARISSAOh, why hello! We werent expectingcompany so close to supper.

    OFFICER CZNARTYHaha, well I decided to just checkin!

    Benny walks confidently over to Clarissas side.

    BENNY(With a charismatic tone)

    What can we do for you, Officer?

    OFFICER CZNARTYOh forgive me, where are mymanners? Im Officer Cznarty.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 14.

    BENNYAh, well Officer Shnarty--

    OFFICER CZNARTYCznarty, but you can call me Tom.All my buddies do. After all, weare neighbors now.

    He smiles widely, looking back and forth from Clarissa toBenny.

    CLARISSA(Wide eyed but smiling)

    Oh, honey, isnt that wonderful?Officer Cznarty here lives justnext door.

    OFFICER CZNARTYAcross the street actually with mymother. Yeah, after the surgery, I

    thought itd be best if someonewere around to take care of thecooking and yard work.

    BENNYAh, how kind of you to help yourmother out, we hope shes feelingmuch better--

    OFFICER CZNARTYWell of course shes feelin fine,Im the one that took the bullet.

    He lifts his shirt, revealing a scar to Clarissa andBenny. From behind Officer Cznarty, we see Clarissa andBenny grimace.

    OFFICER CZNARTYAh, yup. Right in the gut. Shesliving with me for now until I healup.

    He lowers his shirt.

    BENNYWell, we sure are glad yourealright and doing such a fantasticservice for this town. But we wereabout to sit down for dinner, so ifyoull excuse us.

    Benny nods and smiles at Officer Cznarty. He attempts toshut the door, but Cznarty steps in eagerly.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 15.

    OFFICER CZNARTYOoh, what are ya having?

    Benny and Clarissa look to one another, shrug, then lookback at Officer Cznarty.

    CLARISSAChicken.

    BENNYMeatloaf.

    They look back at each other, eyebrows raised, then back atOfficer Cznarty, smiling.

    CLARISSAMeatloaf.

    BENNYChicken.

    In the background, Harold and Adam hang out in the familyroom. Both guys stand by the doorway between the family room

    and the foyer. The two listen to the conversation in thefoyer. Adam shakes his head in disbelief. Harold pops out ofthe family room and into the foyer.

    ADAMWhat--

    HAROLDYou should join us!

    CLARISSA, BENNY, AND ADAM(In unison)

    Harold!

    BENNYYoull have to excuse our sons.

    (Chuckles)Theyll do just about anything toget out of a family night.

    ADAM(Whispers to Harold)

    What in the hell do you thinkyoure doing?

    HAROLD

    (Whispers back)Improvising. Hes obviously notleaving, and there obviously isntdinner in the kitchen.

    Harold moves towards the kitchen. He stops and glances atthe three thieves.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 16.

    HAROLDAnd dont call me Harold!

    Benny chuckles to himself as Harold prepares to exit thefoyer. Adam remains on the stairs speechless.

    CLARISSA(To Adam and Harold)

    Now boys, Im sure Officer Cznarty-

    OFFICER CZNARTYAh, ah, ah. Tom.

    CLARISSARight. Tom. Im sure Tom has plentyof officer work to get to.

    OFFICER CZNARTYIm free as a bird! Just got home

    from work. Id love to join thelovely...er, what was your lastname again?

    BENNYMartin.

    CLARISSAMartin.

    OFFICER CZNARTYId love to join the lovely Martinfamily for dinner!

    Officer Cznarty puts his arms around Benny and Clarissa and

    squeezes them both into a hug. MISS CZNARTY exits the houseacross the street. She retrieves the mail from the mailbox.Officer Cznarty turns towards the open doorway and shoutsacross the street to his mother.

    OFFICER CZNARTYAye, Ma, dont wait up! Im hangingout with friends!

    He goes to kick the door shut as he leads Clarissa and Bennyfurther into the house.

    MISS CZNARTY (O.S.)(Shouting)

    You rotten freeloader, why couldntthat bullet have hit a vital organ?

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    17.

    INT. FOYER OF MARTIN HOUSEHOLD - NIGHT

    The front door slams closed. Clarissa and Benny remainuncomfortably under the arms of Officer Cznarty, whomcontinues to smile gleefully at his new friends. Adam walksto the bottom of the stairs to join them.

    CLARISSA(Clenches teeth)

    Um, sweetie, whats your brotherdoing?

    ADAM(Defeated)

    Checking on dinner.

    Clarissa and Benny look at each other with a mix of concernand confusion.

    OFFICER CZNARTY

    Oh! Let me give the lad a hand.Wheres the kitchen?

    ADAM(Points)

    Over there.

    Cznarty drops his arms from Benny and Clarissas shouldersand walks into the kitchen.

    INT. MARTIN HOUSEHOLD KITCHEN - NIGHT

    Harold pulls multiple bowls and pots from the cabinets andmixes various ingredients from the fridge. The kitchen fillswith a delicious aroma. Officer Cznarty smiles, grabs aknife and chops whatever Harold puts down in front of him.Clarissas eyes widen in surprise, Benny looks impressed,and Adam tries to suppress a smile.

    CLARISSAWhat in the world...?

    BENNY(Proudly)

    Resourceful. Just like his old man.

    Clarissa smacks Benny in the chest, but he continues tosmile.

    ADAMHe took cooking in high school.Fool couldnt survive a game ofkickball to save his life, but hemakes a killer omelette.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 18.

    Harold pauses from mixing and looks up at Benny and Clarissaexpectantly.

    HAROLDMom? Dad? I wouldnt trust Adamanywhere near an open flame, butyou two can jump in here anytime.

    Clarissa and Benny join Cznarty and Harold. The group findssome menial tasks for Adam. The group laughs and jokes asthey work. Clarissa places the rolls in the oven and standsup.

    CLARISSAThe two of us need to head upstairsfor a moment.

    The couple exits the kitchen together as Adam and Haroldstay with Officer Cznarty. The three of them converse asthey wait for the food to finish. The preoccupied trio fails

    to hear the sound of a black SUV pulling up in the driveway.

    Suddenly a growling sound comes from the doorway of thekitchen. A dog enters the room. Harold turns while holding atray of dinner rolls. Upon seeing the dog he shrieks andjumps onto the counter, sending the rolls flying. Adam turnsin confusion and backs away from the dog as far as possible.Cznarty, confused, tries to approach the dog.

    OFFICER CZNARTY(to the dog)

    Hey there fella(to Adam and Harold)

    Whos this little guy?

    He reaches out to pet the dog. The dog growls louder andshows off its sharp teeth.

    OFFICER CZNARTYOr girl?

    Cznarty nervously laughs and backs away. Mr. and Mrs. Martinenter the kitchen.

    MR.MARTIN

    Who the hell are all of you?

    Cznarty steps forward while smiling. He forgets about theknife in his hand and waves.

    OFFICER CZNARTY(Cheerfully)

    The Martin family. Well, I meanthey are the Martin family, haha.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 19.

    (Sadly)Im not a Martin.

    MRS.MARTINNo...Were the Martin family. Whothe hell are you all and why are

    you in our house?

    OFFICER CZNARTY(Sullen)

    Everyones a Martin but me.

    INT. TRAVIS COUNTY JAIL CELL - DAY

    Adam and Harry sit in their respective cells as they finishtheir story. This time, all the prisoners within the jaillisten. Even one of the guards listen as he sits in a chair.

    HAROLD

    So that was when we got arrested.

    BOBDid anything else happen?

    ADAMNot reall--

    HAROLDI found a penny.

    Adam rolls his eyes.

    ADAMAs of right now, we still dontknow where those two are.

    BOBBenny and Clarissa? They probablyleft town. Sorry, but you guysaint gonna see their faces again.Thats how thieves work, ya know?

    ADAM(Sighs)

    Yeah.

    A different guard enters the hallway and calls out twonames.

    GUARDAdam? Harold?

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 20.

    ADAMYeah?

    HAROLDIts Harry!

    GUARDTheres a man here to bail you out.

    He says his name isTom...Shnarty...Zanarty? I dunno.

    ADAM(Confused)

    Cznarty? But why?

    GUARDWho knows. I say you two got lucky.

    The two jail cells open. Adam and Harold follow the guardout the hallway.

    INT. TRAVIS COUNTY JAILHOUSE - DAY

    They arrive at the front of the jailhouse. They see Bennygrinning at them.

    GUARDThese are the two youre lookingfor?

    BENNYYep!

    Adam contains his excitement as Harold practically skips

    over to Benny. Benny pats Harolds back as he nods at Adam.

    BENNYLets go boys. Our rides outside.

    EXT. TRAVIS COUNTY JAILHOUSE - DAY

    Clarissa waits in the silver car as the men exit thejailhouse. Benny sits in the front passenger seat while Adamand Harold hop into the back.

    ADAMI thought you guys left us.

    CLARISSA(Smiles)

    Yeah, well we had a change ofheart.

    (Glares at Adam via themirror)

    Try not to get caught next time.

    (CONTINUED)

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    CONTINUED: 21.

    The car drives away from the jailhouse.

    FADE OUT.