Bell Work

Read textbook pages 320-323

“Conflict Resolution Skills”

Check out the “Did you know?”

on pages 321 & 322

Conflict Resolution

Definition: The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving

Objectives1. Define tolerance.

2. Define negotiation.

3. Name & describe the 3 ways to handle a conflict.

– Passive, aggressive & assertive

4. Explain why “I” statements are an effective way to communicate.

Preventing Conflict

• Tolerance– Accepting others’ differences & allowing them

to be who they are without expressing disapproval

TB 321

Solving a Conflict

• Negotiation– Process in which compromising is used to

reach agreement• Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of

view, compromising• No blaming

TB 322

Responding to Conflicts

1. Aggressive– Bully

2. Assertive– Leader

• High self esteem

• Admits mistakes

3. Passive– Follower

• Low self esteem

• “You” statements– Nothing solved– Have to get THEIR way

• “I” statements– Best chance of resolution– Willing to compromise &

say sorry

• Little/nothing said– Nothing solved, give in– Never stick up for yourself

TB 306-307

Communication Skills

I Statements

You idiot!

How to use an I statementIt is a verbal message!

I feel ______________________

when ______________________

because ___________________.

I’d like/I want _______________.

Would you consider _________

___________________________?

Identify feelings

and situation

Give an example solution

(compromise)

Think about what the other person would want… put yourself in their shoes.

EXAMPLEParents won’t let you out past 10

I feel untrusted

when I can’t go out after 10

because I’ve been well behaved.

I’d like/I want to try and compromise.

Would you consider letting me stay out until 11?

How to avoid “you”…

• When you keep bothering me

• When I am distracted

• Because you always make me

• Because I’m made to

Turn it into…

Turn it into…

Example Conflicts• Getting picked on by classmates or friends• Seeing someone else get picked on• Chores• Computer usage • Girl/boyfriend wants to spend every day

with you• Not allowed to go somewhere• Clothes/hair• Curfew• Cell phone (bill…)

Example Conflicts• A person is saying “you’re stupid.”• You witness a person telling someone they’re

stupid• Your brother does not have to do as many chores

as you do.• Your sister won’t let you on the computer.• Your girlfriend wants to spend every day with you.• You’re being picked on for being small.• Your parents will not let you go to a school dance.• You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps poking

fun at you.• Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on

the weekend or do your hair a certain way.

Now you try…Your parents will not let go somewhere.Concert, dance, mall, friend’s house…

I feel ______________

when ____________________________________

because _________________________________.

I’d like/I want _____________________________.

Would you consider ________________________

_______________________________________?

Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad, disappointed)

Explain the situation in detail & avoid “you”

Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line)

“it is important to me.”“it hurts my feelings.”

“to compromise.”“to fix our misunderstanding.”“talk about this tonight.”“be friends again.”

Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be specific!! Both people must be okay with the suggestion.

I feel

when

because

I’d like/I want

Would you consider

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?

Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad, disappointed)

Explain the situation in detail & avoid “you”

Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line)

“it is important to me.”“it hurts my feelings.”

I feel

when

because

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?

“to compromise.”“to fix our misunderstanding.”“talk about this tonight.”“be friends again.”

Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be specific!! Both people must be okay with the suggestion.

I’d like/I want

Would you consider

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?

Important Elements Of An I Statement

I feel identify a feeling (upset, sad, disappointed)

when describe the situation in detail & avoid you

because explain feelings to get their sympathy

I’d like/I want ideas of what to say here: fix our

misunderstanding, talk about this tonight, compromise, to be friends again…

Would you consider an idea/solution/compromise to fix/improve the conflict. It must be specific & something both people would agree to.

How to use an I statementIt is a verbal message!

I feel ______________________

when ______________________

because ___________________.

I’d like/I want _______________.

Would you consider _________

___________________________?

Identify feelings

and situation

Give an example solution

(compromise)

EXAMPLEYour friend is dating your

X-girl/boyfriend

I feel angry

when I see you with so-and-so

because we spent lots of time together.

I’d like/I want some time to heal.

Would you consider waiting a few weeks to see each other?

Why use I statements?

anger

you statements

violencehate

I statements

I statements

I statementsI statements

I statements

True/False1. True False I statements prevent people from trying

to guess why you are mad.

2. True False Tolerance is accepting others differences without expressing disapproval.

3. True False I statements should involve a compromise.

4. True False Passive people always have to get their way.

5. True False Negotiation is a method to prevent conflicts.

6. True False I Statements are always effective in solving conflicts.

7. True False Assertive people use a sincere tone of voice when discussion a conflict.

8. True False I statements are only shared with the friends of the person you are upset with.

9. True False You have no control over how the other person responds in a conflict situation.

10. True False A compromise is when both people are comfortable with a solution to a

problem.

11. True False The word “you” is considered to be an assertive term.

Your parents will not let you take the train to a mid-day concert in Chicago this weekend with your friends and two adults. You want to go and are going to try an “I statement” to resolve the conflict.

I feel disappointed

When I couldn’t go to the concert in Chicago

Because I’m responsible.

I’d like/I want to compromise.

Would you consider letting me go if I call you twice?

1.

2.

I feel angry

When you won’t let me go to the concert

Because I never get to go anywhere.

I’d like/I want you to reconsider.

Would you consider letting me go?

I feel not trusted

When I can’t go to the concert with 2 adults

Because I can take care of myself.

I’d like/I want to go to the concert.

Would you consider letting me go to the concert?

3.

4.

I feel left out

When I am not able to go to the concert with my friends

Because I know they’re going to have a good time.

I’d like/I want to compromise.

Would you consider letting me go if I am home by 10 pm?

1. In you’re opinion, which I statement is the best? Why?

2. Which statement is the most aggressive? Why?

3. Which statement(s) do not provide a solution or compromise?

4. In which statement does the person just keep repeating themselves?

Will they always work?

• No– You can’t control other people

• But…– You’ve tried your best to resolve conflict in an

assertive way

– Helps your self-esteem• Feel good

– Might make the person think more about situation

– Didn’t escalate problem • Add to the fire