bullies in the family teaching parents and kids about sibling violence mardi winder-adams. m.ed, cdm...
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Bullies In The FamilyBullies In The Family
Teaching Parents And Kids About Sibling Violence
Mardi Winder-Adams. M.Ed, CDMPositive Communication Systems
www.poscs.com
Quick Facts on Sibling ViolenceQuick Facts on Sibling Violence
Straus and Gelles (1996) have estimated that over 29 million children commit an act of violence against a sibling each year.
In a study in the Journal Child Maltreatment, 35% of children reported being “hit or attacked” by a sibling in the last year.
14 percent reported repeated attacks 4.55% had reported injuries from the abuse 2% were attacked using weapons, including knives
and guns Most common age of victimization is 6 to 12 Boys are slightly more victimized than girls (56%
compared to 49% respectively)
Facts continuedFacts continued In 1980 Dr. Murray Straus published “Behind Closed
Doors” and found that 74 percent of a representative sample of children had pushed or shoved a sibling within the year and 42 percent had kicked, bitten or punched a brother or sister.
Sibling violence is the same offense in the eyes of the law as domestic violence between adults, but is typically heard in juvenile court and rarely results in jail time.
Typically a pattern of violence rather than a one time incident is required for legal action to occur.
7 million children are estimated to have been attacked and beaten by a sibling once in their lifetime according to the National Family Violence Survey
Characteristics of Sibling Characteristics of Sibling ViolenceViolence
Repetitive in natureOften includes verbal threatsMay include significant physical injuryUnexplained bruises or marksUnwillingness for a sibling to spend
time alone with the otherTypically under reported by the victim
or excuses or explanations provided by the offender
Normal Versus ViolentNormal Versus ViolentArguments over physical
resources often common between siblings
Arguments over love, affection and belonging more damaging
Physical aggression with remorse versus no remorse
Violence towards sibling’s friendsViolent themes in conversation
Warning Signs For ParentsWarning Signs For ParentsUnexplained “control” over
siblingsFear of being alone with siblingFear of talking about issuesLack of communication with
parents due to inaction by parents in the past
Violence in conversation and themes
What We Can DoWhat We Can Do
Developing and Implementing Parent Classes and Community Awareness
Teaching ParentsTeaching ParentsEducation starts with Mom and
Dad, Grandparents and guardiansDebunking common beliefsLearning how to talk to childrenIdentifying key behaviorsProviding scripts for
conversationsEvaluating and monitoring family
dynamics
What To IncludeWhat To IncludeAddress cruel behavior between
childrenSupervision of childrenSiblings as babysitters – pros and
consTelltale signs of violenceHidden signs of violence
Communication BasicsCommunication BasicsHow to talk to the victimHow to talk to the bullyManaging power and controlTransferring power and controlI messagesManaging emotionsAvoiding blameAvoiding shut-downs by kids
I MessagesI Messages
I feel _________ (emotion) when __________ (description) because ______________ (how it impacts me) and what I would like is ________________(desired resolution).
Transferring Power and Transferring Power and ControlControl
Appropriate actions to takeWhat is a realistic responsibility
for a child of a given ageEmotional age versus
chronological ageConsequences for inappropriate
actionsConsequences for retaliation
Talking With The Victimized Talking With The Victimized ChildChild
I messagesEmpathy and understandingProviding support but not
fostering helplessness or lack of empowerment
Being honest not minimizingTaking responsibility as the
parent
Talking As A FamilyTalking As A FamilyConversations about violence
and abuseConversations about positive
interactionsConflict resolution practiceCommunication skills
developmentProviding reasonable opportunity
for control and responsibility
Additional IssuesAdditional IssuesCounseling for both childrenFamily counseling to
develop/redevelop communication and relationships
Monitoring by an outside person that has worked with the family
Celebrations of success