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Coaching – Skills for You and Your Managers Margie Buchanan-Smith and Isobel McConnan © People In Aid April 2008

COACHING – SKILLS FOR YOU AND

YOUR MANAGERS

Wednesday 9th April 2008


COACHING – SKILLS FOR YOU AND YOUR MANAGERS

London Wednesday 9th April 2008

Welcome to the workbook! It has been designed to give you an introduction to coaching and its potential benefits, with a view to helping you develop your coaching skills as a way of interacting and developing ‘better conversations’, conversations that facilitate the learning and development of your staff and colleagues . It provides a series of notes to support the topics covered in the workshop, along with handouts for the exercises. For those wanting to look further, there is a selected bibliography and list of websites at the end. Thank you Isobel McConnan and Margie Buchanan-Smith [email protected] [email protected] Disclaimer The information contained in this document is provided for information only and does not constitute advice. Neither the consultant nor People In Aid accepts any responsibility for how you use the information and strongly recommends seeking suitable (legal) advice before implementing employment policy, as there may be specific legal implications in the countries in which you operate.


TABLE OF CONTENTS Your learning objectives for the day ........................................................................... 1

COACHING AS A CONVERSATION ......................................................................... 2

SO WHAT IS COACHING? ........................................................................................ 3

BELIEFS, VALUES AND PRINCIPLES UNDERLYING COACHING ......................... 4

THEORETICAL ROOTS OF COACHING – A ROUGH GUIDE.................................. 5

Reflection: coaching and the ethos of your organisation ............................................ 7

WHAT IS A COACHING STYLE OF INTERACTION? ............................................... 8

ROLES OF A MANAGER WHO COACHES..............................................................10

SURVEY FINDINGS ON THE BENEFITS OF COACHING.......................................11

Exercise: when to use coaching ................................................................................12

Observations: coaching demonstration .....................................................................13

WHEN TO COACH?..................................................................................................14

THE ARC OF COACHING: a basic structure ............................................................15

PROBLEMS VS OUTCOMES ...................................................................................19

Exercise: problem frame vs. outcome frame .............................................................20

Learning log: problem frame vs. outcome frame .......................................................21

BUILDING RAPPORT ...............................................................................................22

Exercise: rapport – matching & mis-matching ...........................................................23

PACING & LEADING.................................................................................................24

LISTENING................................................................................................................25

ASKING QUESTIONS...............................................................................................27

Exercise: Coaching practice ......................................................................................31

Coaching practice: Log for observer..........................................................................32

GIVING FEEDBACK IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS ...................................................33

Final reflections .........................................................................................................34

SELECT BIBLIOGRAPHY.........................................................................................35

A SELECTION OF WEBSITES .................................................................................35


Welcome!

Your learning objectives for the day

Thinking about today, where would you like to be by 5.30 pm? What learning or insights would you like to have by then?


COACHING AS A CONVERSATION It’s useful to think of coaching as a conversation – but not just any conversation! It is particularly helpful for a conversation where learning and development of one or both people taking part in the conversation, are the ultimate objectives. Here are the main ways that make a coaching conversation different from our everyday conversations: � The intention is to facilitate another person’s reflection and learning � There is a clear and agreed outcome � It requires a discipline on the part of the ‘coach’ to retain focus � The emphasis is on the learning process rather than on the detail of the content � It uses a range of skills on the part of the ‘coach’ that support listening and

asking questions – such as reflecting back and building rapport � It is based on a clear set of beliefs, values and principles


SO WHAT IS COACHING?

There are many definitions! Here are a few: International Coach Federation Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives. Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has. Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development Developing a person's skills and knowledge so that their job performance improves, hopefully leading to the achievement of organisational objectives. It targets high performance and improvement at work, although it may also have an impact on an individual's private life. It usually lasts for a short period and focuses on specific skills and goals. Myles Downey in Effective Coaching Coaching is the art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another. John Whitmore in Coaching For Performance Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. The Work Foundation Helping someone see their situation clearly and calmly in order that they can make better decisions about what they do.1 John Leary Joyce, Academy of Executive Coaching Two people engaged together in raising the awareness of one of them, and therefore their ability to act.1 Anne Davidson and Dale Schwarz in The Skilled Facilitator Fieldbook Our purpose for coaching is to generate creative, purposeful action towards a client’s goals and desires.

Having read these definitions, you may like to consider which words resonate for you? Which is your preferred definition?

1 Cited in Pemberton, Carole (2006) Coaching To Solutions. A Manager’s Toolkit for Performance Delivery


BELIEFS, VALUES AND PRINCIPLES UNDERLYING COACHING

BELIEFS AND VALUES

Each person is creative, resourceful and whole

Each person has, or can find, their own answers

We have behaviours and thought patterns that help or get in the way and we can change these

We all learn in different ways and at different paces

It is about believing in the magic of the person and of their potential

We are each responsible for our own learning and development

PRINCIPLES

Respect for the person

Creating a safe environment for learning & self-discovery

Confidentiality

The coach and coachee jointly design the approach

The focus is chosen by the coachee

‘Forwarding the action’: moving forward towards the desired outcome

Facilitating thinking, learning & awareness


THEORETICAL ROOTS OF COACHING – A ROUGH GUIDE

Coaching today is an amalgam of different disciplines, drawing on psychology, philosophy, spirituality, learning theory, organisational theory to name but a few. For example:

Positive psychology, sports psychology and the inner game Applications of positive psychology and sports psychology that are relevant to coaching include: � Examining values � Developing vision � Goal setting � Visualisation or mental rehearsal before an important event � Centering and maintaining focus � Working with and managing self-limiting beliefs2 The teaching of tennis was transformed by Timothy Gallwey in The Inner Game of Tennis, which opened the way at the same time to radical insights into the nature of learning and performance. ‘The word ‘inner’ was used to indicate the player’s internal state, or to use Gallwey’s words “the opponent within one’s own head is more formidable than the one on the other side of the net” … Gallwey went on to claim that if a coach can help a player to remove or reduce the internal obstacles to their performance, an unexpected natural ability will flow forth without the need for much technical input from the coach.’3 Learning theory Coaching is also strongly influenced by learning theory. Zeus and Skiffington4 highlight the following relevant aspects: � The learner is always an active organism, not just responding to stimuli, but

seeking them out and engaging and grappling with them to make sense of the world.

� Knowledge is generated internally, not just from external sources. � Motivation is intrinsic. Coaches cannot motivate individuals. They examine and

clarify the individual’s values, purpose and vision, and collaboratively set goals that ‘pull’ the individual towards achieving them

Humanism ‘Coaching ascribes to the humanist notion that man [sic] is the measure of all things. The dignity and value of the individual is uppermost and human needs assume priority over material things. Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers are associated with the humanistic approach to therapy and coaching adopts many of their principles, For instance coaching is about ‘self-actualisation’ and the individual’s need for self-

2 Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne (2002) The Coaching at Work Toolkit. A Complete Guide to Techniques and Practices.

McGraw Hill 3 Whitmore, John (second edition 1996) Coaching for Performance. The New Edition of the Practical Guide. Nicholas Brealey

Publishing 4 Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne (2000) The Complete Guide to Coaching at Work. McGraw Hill.


fulfilment, the realisation of human potential, self-expression, accomplishment and growth.’5 Social constructionism ‘According to this approach, meaning is only known through our social interactions and through negotiation with each other and the world. Knowledge is created or constructed out of conversations, and we have no other direct access to reality other than through language.’6 Existentialism ‘A central idea of existentialism, as Sartre proposed, is that we are essentially free and responsible for finding out who we are and what to do with our lives. Our behaviour is always a choice and we can always resolve to change. The concepts of choice and responsibility are central to coaching. The coaching alliance will not prosper if the coachee does not make a commitment to change his or her world views, self-limiting beliefs or self-defeating actions. Furthermore, unless the coachee is willing to assume responsibility for his or her choices and actions, no real sustainable change will be made.’ 7 Eastern influences ‘The notion of living in ‘the now’ or the ‘continuous present’ manifests in the coach’s emphasis on ‘what is happening now’ for the coachee. Other fundamental concepts of coaching which reflect Eastern philosophy, particularly Zen thought, include the belief that all individuals are in possession of what they need to know. Coaching is also seen as a means of clearing out or helping the coachee discard old beliefs, reactions and behaviours that are blocking clarity and progress. When the coach and coachee focus on the present with their minds uncluttered by problems or solutions, they are able to dialogue, plan and act in a more spontaneous, effective manner.’8 What other influences are you aware of?

5 Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne (2002) The Coaching at Work Toolkit. A Complete Guide to

Techniques and Practices. McGraw Hill. Page 8. 6 Ibid, p 9

7 ibid, p 9

8 ibid, p 9


Reflection: coaching and the ethos of your organisation How does coaching relate to the ethos and values of your organisation?


WHAT IS A COACHING STYLE OF INTERACTION? There are many different styles of management and types of interaction ranging from the directive, task-focused style, to the supportive process-oriented style. Consider this as a spectrum of styles as illustrated in the model below. Different styles of interaction Directive Mentoring/ advisory Coaching/ supportive At one end of the spectrum is the directive style of interaction which is usually about telling and instructing. This may be appropriate in certain situations, e.g. when decisions to ensure staff safety need to be taken quickly in an insecure emergency context. In the middle of the spectrum is mentoring. This usually concerns a more experienced staff member sharing their knowledge with a less experienced staff member in an advisory style. This may be appropriate, for example, when the person (mentee) is implementing a project or programme for the first time that is very similar to a project or programme for which the mentor has considerable experience and there are lessons to be transferred across. At the other end of the spectrum is a coaching style of interaction. This style is about helping people to find the answers themselves, usually by asking powerful open questions, and by listening. It pre-supposes that the person (coachee) has a lot of the knowledge and resources that they need within. In a coaching approach you are encouraging the person to tap into those inner resources and thus to learn for themselves. It is an empowering form of interaction that places the individual’s learning centre-stage. It also encourages the individual to take responsibility and ownership, yet to feel supported in doing so. There may be times as manager when you want/ need to play a mentoring/ advisory role to ensure that your colleague learns from the experience of others. But if you have used a coaching style first, it will be much clearer where and how your ‘coachee’ needs support and external input, and they are more likely to buy into it if they have been facilitated through the thinking/ learning process themselves first. A coaching style is thus very much in tune with the development process, building capacity in an empowering way that encourages win/ win outcomes. The best managers will have the awareness and flexibility to consciously choose which style of management is most appropriate for the situation. However, spending

Solving someone’s problems for them

Helping someone work it out themselves

Giving advice based on experience & knowledge


more time at the coaching end of the spectrum is likely to be the most effective way to really develop the potential of your team. Colleagues working together in different situations – on a project for example, or as a team – can also adopt a coaching approach to support one another’s thinking and learning. Working in this way can strengthen relationships and increase the overall effectiveness of the group or team.


ROLES OF A MANAGER WHO COACHES Roles include9: � Rather than direct and control, the manager/coach empowers others to

accomplish results on their own initiative � Rather than focusing solely on the organisation’s goals, they take care to align the

individual’s goals and commitments with those of the organisation. � The manager/coach explores and understands the individual’s core values, and

so taps into their intrinsic motivation and purpose for their work. � Traditional managers focus on what is wrong, and how and why the problem

occurred. The manager/coach emphasises development and future possibilities. � Manager/coaches develop their team to lead rather than leading them from the

top. � The manager/coach develops individuals to see possibilities and choices and

work towards their own development and fulfilment. � The predominant style of the directive manager is to tell. The manager/coach

listens, questions, supports and collaborates. What can you add? What would you change?

9 Adapted from Zeus, P and Skiffington, S (2002) The Coaching at Work Toolkit. A Complete Guide to Techniques and

Practices. McGraw Hill


SURVEY FINDINGS ON THE BENEFITS OF COACHING Within the UK, the Chartered Institute for Personnel and Development (CIPD) is a key source of information and feedback on the take-up of coaching and of its benefits. The following information is taken from the CIPD website10, based on initial findings from its most recent and tenth annual survey.

• Initial findings indicate that almost three-quarters of UK employers currently use coaching in their organisations, compared to 63% in 2007.

• More than two-fifths of organisations now offer coaching to all employees while 39% offer it to directors and senior managers, and a third offer it to senior managers and line managers/ supervisors.

• 72% of respondents find coaching to be an effective tool.

• Within organisations that offer coaching to their employees, general personal development (79%) and helping poor performance (74%) are cited as the most common purposes for which coaching is used. In organisations that only offer coaching to managers, it is often part of a wider management and leadership development programme (61%)

• Over half of organisations surveyed believe that coaching by line managers is the most effective learning and development practice. Nearly half anticipate that even greater responsibility will fall to line managers in the next five years.

• But only 8% of respondents evaluated the effectiveness of coaching via a formal annual (or other regular) evaluation process. This is an ongoing challenge for the coaching profession, and for organisations more generally – how to evaluate the impact of coaching in a more rigorous way.

• An earlier CIPD report released in 200511, based on a survey with 29 organisations/ companies, found that 96% of individuals who had received coaching felt that it had had a positive impact on their performance. So far most studies of the benefits of coaching rely upon feedback from the coachees.

CIPD concludes from its recent survey that “coaching within organisations has moved beyond being ‘the latest fad’ – to adding real benefits”.

10

http://www.cipd.co.uk/pressoffice/_articles/_200308CoachingLandD.htm 11

‘Does Coaching Work? A Report Prepared for the Coaching at Work Conference’, Event report, September 2005


Exercise: when to use coaching

In what situations are you using coaching at the moment?

How else could you use it?


Observations: coaching demonstration 1. What did the coachee want from this coaching session? How was that clarified/

agreed?

2. What did you notice about the opening and closing of this conversation?

3. What else did you notice about how the coach interacted with the coachee?


WHEN TO COACH?

Any time, any place Coaching is a way of using your daily interactions in a more purposeful way, to promote reflection and learning. Coaching conversations don’t need to be carried out in a formal setting. What matters is the quality of your interactions. ‘You recognise the interactions are more effective because you see an outcome from conversations and your colleague knows they are different (even if they cannot articulate it) because they experience a qualitative difference. You and they may not even talk about the conversations as coaching conversations. They may see them as helpful ‘chats’, but you will know that you have applied structure and techniques in the managing of that conversation’.12 Coaching can take place anywhere, over a coffee or the photocopier, on the phone, over MSN, or more formally in a one-to-one session such as an appraisal or performance review. Some applications for coaching To support colleagues: � In identifying their purpose and values at work and how to put these into practice

� As a manager, in reviewing staff performance, identifying learning and opportunities for development, setting objectives, agreeing action points

� By providing feedback designed to enable learning and improvement

� In enhancing self-awareness in order to become a more effective manager or leader

� When managing a new project or initiative, or taking on more responsibility

� In developing leadership skills

� In managing and/or adapting to organisational change

� In developing and applying new skills, such as those acquired through training

� In practical problem-solving

� In managing their workload and their overall well-being in the context of work and personal-life balance

� In their career development

What others can you add?

12

Pemberton, Carole (2006) Coaching To Solutions. A Manager’s Toolkit for Performance Delivery. Elsevier/BH


THE ARC OF COACHING: a basic structure

No matter when or where you are coaching, it is useful to be working to a basic structure. This structure is sometimes called the ‘arc of coaching’. There should be a clear beginning, mid-point and ending. At the BEGINNING, it is really important for both coachee and coach to clarify and agree on the desired outcome of the coaching process. For example, the desired outcome might be that the coachee has successfully completed a project that they have been entrusted to lead, or it might be taking on additional responsibility with confidence and ease. Whilst it is important for both coach and coachee to agree on the desired outcome, in the true spirit of coaching the outcome will be stated in the coachee’s words. Here are some tips for achieving a ‘well-formed outcome’13:

• Make sure it is stated in the positive, i.e. what you want to achieve, not what you want to avoid

• Be sure you will both know when the outcome has been achieved, e.g. what will be different? What will your coachee be seeing, hearing and feeling? What will you as coach/ manager be seeing and hearing? (The value of getting this sensory evidence is that it makes the outcome much more compelling and real at the outset).

• You may also want to agree on a timeframe for the outcome. At the very beginning of any coaching relationship it is also useful to discuss what works best for the coachee in terms of how they learn and therefore how they wish to be coached and supported. This is sometimes called ‘designing the alliance’. This is also an opportunity to explore some of your coachee’s core values, to understand their motivation. Make sure you review the progress that is being made, at least MID-WAY in the coaching process. For example, as coach/ manager you may want to ask:

• Are you/ we on track?

• How do you feel right now about moving towards the outcome?

• Is this style of coaching working for you?

This is also an opportunity for you, as coach, to give feedback on how you perceive your coachee to be learning and developing, and any patterns, both positive and negative that you have observed. At the END, check in whether the outcome has been achieved. This is an opportunity for the coachee to reflect on their key learnings, and how they will apply those learnings in the future. Particularly if the coaching has taken place over time, you may want to ask the coachee to review their ‘journey’ along the way. This is

13

The concept of the ‘well-formed outcome’ comes from NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). For a full description of this

concept and how to work through the well-formed outcome, see McDermott and Jago, 2001: 65-66


another important moment to give your feedback and reflections on your coachee’s performance and progress. This basic structure can be applied to most different coaching experiences, whether a 30 minute coaching conversation or coaching through time to achieve a particular task. In a coaching conversation it is critically important to be clear at the outset what you are coaching towards, and for your coachee to reflect on the learnings at the end of the conversation. It is useful to think of five different stages in the coaching conversation, which you may apply in a relatively short space of time. Over a longer period of time if you are coaching them through a task or project you can obviously spend more time on the beginning, mid-point review and closing, perhaps even formalising and naming each of these stages. If you are using a coaching style of management for the long-term development of your staff, be sure to take them through this ‘coaching arc’, perhaps on a six-monthly or annual cycle, e.g. starting and beginning with their annual appraisal.


The arc of coaching Over a period of time: Beginning Clarify and agree on desired outcome Design the coaching alliance Explore coachee’s core values

Mid-way Review progress Give feedback

Ending / closure Has the outcome been achieved? Coachee reflects on key learning

Give feedback and reflections Celebrate success!

A single coaching conversation: Beginning What would you like to get out of this coaching session/ conversation? How long do we have OR how many sessions shall we agree to?

Establish the context What’s happened so far? Who’s involved? What are the challenges?

Explore and inquire What is working for you at the moment? What is getting in the way? What could support you?

Identify next steps What are the next steps? What are you going to do, and when?

Ending / closure What are your key learnings? My feedback from what I have heard and observed are…


PROBLEMS VS OUTCOMES In the aid sector there is a tendency to look for the problems, and then to adopt a ‘problem solving’ approach. This encourages us to filter for what is not working, to identify who or what is to blame and to set about trying to put it right. Certain cultures similarly tend to favour a ‘problem frame’ approach, for example the British culture. The alternative is the outcome or solution frame. This focuses on what you want to achieve and how you will make it happen. These two contrasting frames are presented below, in terms of the questions that would typically be associated with each. Problem versus outcome frame Problem frame Outcome frame

What is your problem? What do you want?

How long have you had it? How will you know when you have got it?

Whose fault is it? What else will improve when you get it?

Who is to blame? What resources do you already have which can help you achieve this outcome?

What is your worst experience with this problem?

What is something similar which you did succeed in doing?

Why haven’t you solved it yet? What is the next step?

In coaching, we favour exploring desired outcomes because people find this more motivating and empowering than dwelling on problems. This is particularly important at the outset of any coaching relationship or coaching process. By using the ‘outcome frame’ questions above, it is much more likely that the desired outcome will be stated in the positive (see the ‘coaching arc’) than if you use the questions focusing exclusively on problems.


Exercise: problem frame vs. outcome frame

• Pair up with another participant

• Person A thinks of a real issue/ problem that they are facing at work

• Person B asks A all the ‘problem frame’ questions about the issue. If you want, you may record the answers for your partner in their workbook.

Problem frame - questions Problem frame – answers

What is your problem?

How long have you had it?

Whose fault is it?

Who is to blame?

What is your worst experience with this problem?

Why haven’t you solved it yet?

• Person B then asks all the ‘outcome frame’ questions about the same issue. Once again, you may want to record the answers for your partner in their workbook.

Outcome frame - questions Outcome frame – answers

What do you want?

How will you know when you have got it?

What else will improve when you get it?

What resources do you already have which can help you achieve this outcome?

What is something similar which you did succeed in doing?

What is the next step?

• A & B swap roles NB As questioner, give your partner time to respond, and avoid making suggestions for the answer or getting into discussion of the answers.


Learning log: problem frame vs. outcome frame

What differences did you notice according to which frame was being used?


BUILDING RAPPORT

‘The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention’ Richard Moss

As coach/ manager, building rapport with your coachee is one of the first and fundamental skills that underpins a strong coaching relationship. Establishing rapport is something that most of us do very naturally and unconsciously when we are with someone we like and we want to be with. The other person will usually pick up the signals that we are ‘in rapport’ unconsciously. They are likely to feel at ease and acknowledged. So how do we build rapport naturally, and how can we develop this skill to use it more consciously? Giving our full attention ‘in the moment’ to the other person and how they are, is central to coaching. One of the most powerful ways of building rapport is by matching and mirroring, for example of the other person’s body language, their energy, their voice, even the words that they use. By consciously becoming aware of how to match and mirror, you can use this skill consciously to build rapport with your coachee (and in many other work situations). This will really help you to get a sense of the other person early on in your interaction. In order to build rapport, pay attention to, and match:

• the way the other person holds their body

• any significant gestures they make

• their breathing rate

• their energy level

• the volume and speed of their voice

• the pitch of their voice

• the words and phrases that they use This requires sensory acuity and sensitivity on your part. It will also be affected by the state that you are in. The more centred, open and receptive that you are, the easier it will be to build rapport. Thus, you may want to take a few moments before a coaching session starts to check your own state and to centre yourself. Self-awareness greatly enhances coaching skills. It is worth considering how there may be times when you want to break rapport, to mismatch. For example you might want to do this towards the end of a coaching session when your coachee shows no sign of ending the conversation or acknowledging that the session is coming to a close; or in a phone conversation that you want to bring to a close.


Exercise: rapport – matching & mis-matching

• Pair up with another participant.

• Person A picks a topic, e.g. discusses what they think is the dominant style of interaction at work.

• Person B is the listener, first of all matching Person A in terms of body language, energy and (if you say anything) voice.

• After 2-3 minutes, person B starts to mis-match, in an exaggerated form!

• After a further 2-3 minutes, person B re-establishes rapport and matches person A once again.

• Reverse roles and repeat.

• Debrief on each of your experiences of being matched and mis-matched as you talked.


PACING & LEADING

PACE, PACE, PACE… LEAD Pacing and leading is an extension of building rapport, and is another very useful skill when coaching. If at any point you want to influence your coachee, for example to help them shift from an angry or agitated state to a more resourceful state, then you must first pace their model of reality (i.e. their current state), and, having paced them, you can then lead them to where you want to go (i.e. to a different and more resourceful state). Pacing is initially about building rapport. For example, you might mirror their energy level, their posture and/ or their voice tone. As a result, the person you are communicating with is likely to have a sense of being acknowledged and listened to. And when you have paced them, you are much more in tune with how to lead them to the place you believe they will be more resourceful. NB Pacing and leading is also a very useful practice to apply to yourself. It means acknowledging what is going on (for example, what you are really feeling), going with it rather than ignoring or fighting it, and then leading yourself to a better place.


LISTENING

‘The quality of your attention determines the quality of the other people’s thinking’14

Coaching requires us to listen with attention and clear intention. It requires us to be fully in the present. The quality of listening in coaching – or indeed any other conversation – influences the quality of the other person’s thinking. According to Nancy Kline, ‘When you are listening to someone, much of the quality of what you are hearing is your effect on them. Giving good attention to people makes them more intelligent …’ A manager/coach needs to listen to: � Understand the content the person is bringing � Understand the other person’s values and beliefs � Understand the emotion they bring � Understand their personality as it impacts on the issue � Understand the energy they attach to the issue. It can be helpful to think in terms of three levels of listening, moving between them according to the situation:

15Level 1 – Internal listening I listen to the other person’s words but my attention is on what it means to me personally. The spotlight is on ‘me’: my thoughts, my judgements, my feelings, my conclusions . Level 2 – Focused listening At this level my attention is entirely with the other person, and I am listening empathetically. I hear their words, their expressions and their emotions. I notice what they say, how they say it, and what they don’t say. I connect with them and begin to see the world through their eyes. I am no longer attached to my own agenda or to my own thoughts and opinions. Level 3 – Global listening At this level I use my senses and my intuition. I sense the energy, emotions and values behind the person’s words. I pick up information that is not directly observable, from the other person and from the environment. This enables me to engage with the person at a deeper level, and to coach at a deeper level.

Some of the skills that support listening and asking questions include: � Building rapport, matching voice and body language (see pacing and leading) � Encouraging � Championing the person and their potential � Clarifying � Summarising, paraphrasing or reflecting back

14

Kline, Nancy (2001) Time To Think. Listening to Ignite the Human Mind. Ward Lock 15

Based on Whitworth et al (2007) Co-Active Coaching. New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life,

Davies-Black publishing


� Demonstrating empathy � Allowing silence to happen, being acceptant of silence to allow the person to think � Reframing a situation or issue to enable the person to take a different perspective � Intruding in certain situations, such as when the person is wandering off the point

or avoiding the issue � Knowing when to challenge � Offering and providing feedback


ASKING QUESTIONS

‘Questions create space in which the imagination can grow …’16 Asking open-ended questions with genuine interest and curiosity enables the person you are coaching to go further in their thinking and awareness. Curious questions evoke personal exploration, allowing the coachee to explore, discover and learn.17 A coach needs to use what have been described as ‘quantum questions’. ‘Quantum questions … help build towards outcomes … they are quantum because they enable the transition from one energy state to another. They leverage the move from being stuck to being able to act.’18 The questions most likely to move thinking forward are: What? How? When? Where? What else? Hypothetical questions: What if? ‘Why’ questions aren’t included here because they tend to magnify problems instead of leading towards solutions. Asking ‘why’ ‘often implies criticism and evokes defensiveness’19. Alternatives to asking ‘why aren’t you doing more …’ (for example) might be: What are you doing? What else could you do? What could help you? What’s been going well so far? Hypothetical questions Asking ‘what if’ questions can unblock thinking and free a person from limiting assumptions. Nancy Kline20 has identified the power of ‘incisive questions (to) removing limiting assumptions, freeing the mind to think afresh’. An example of the process to do this:

‘If you want to take action, but you are stuck, ask yourself, “What am I assuming here that is stopping me?” Listen to the answer, which might be “I’m assuming that I don’t deserve success here”. Then remove it: “If I knew that I do deserve success here, what would I do right now?”

16

Owen, Harrison (1997, second edtion) Open Space Technology. A User’s Guide. Berrett Koehler 17

Whitworth, Laura et al (1998) Co-Active Coaching. New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. Davies Black Publishing 18

Pemberton, Carole (2006) Coaching to Solutions. A Manager’s Toolkit for Performance Delivery. Elsevier / BH 19

Whitmore, John (new edition 2001) Coaching For Performance. The New Edition of the Practical Guide. Nicholas Brealey Publishing 20

Kline, Nancy (2001) Time To Think. Listening to Ignite the Human Mind. Ward Lock


Examples of incisive questions she gives include:

If you were to become chief executive, what problem would you solve first and how would you do it? If you knew you were vital to this organisation’s approach, how would you approach your work? If things could be exactly right for you in this situation, how would they have to change?


ASKING QUESTIONS Here are some examples of what, how, when and where questions from Coaching To Solutions:

1. What questions

Question Purpose

What is happening right now? To collect evidence on how the problem is showing itself

What are you most worried about? Within this big picture of anxiety, what is it really important to pay attention to?

What do you need to do right now? Separate out what can be done now from the totality of the issue

What would be a sign that things are improving?

To heighten their awareness of any signals of improvement so that they recognise rather than dismiss them

What help do you need to get things back on track?

To establish specifics that could make a difference

What do you need to do differently? To focus their attention on their own agency and to identify specifics that would make a difference

What have you learnt from this that you can use?

To remind them that they are learning in the process of doing and that learning can be applied

What decisions do you have to make? To separate what has to be addressed now and what has lower urgency

What is the most important thing for you to change?

To understand which part of the whole has most meaning for them in terms of the attention it deserves

What are the risks in this? To establish the size and importance of the risks

What do you want to do to manage them? To affirm that they can take some control of those risks

2. How questions

Question Purpose

How do personality clashes get in the way of the team being effective?

To establish specifics against the context of performance delivery

How often do the personality clashes get in the way of doing good work?

To establish the size of the problem

How would you like it to be different? To understand the change they are looking for

How have you still managed to deliver with such a dysfunctional team?

To draw attention to what they can do as distinct from their awareness of what they can’t

How can you use those skills to address what is happening right now?

To help make connections between resources that have been used in previous situations and a current need

How would you know that things were improving?

To encourage them to identify signs of progress

How can you make more use of what is working OK in the team?

To show that doing more of what works is as important as focusing on what needs to be done differently.


3. When questions Question Purpose

When do you feel more engaged in your work?

Provide information on what they like doing, in order to look for opportunities to build more in

When did you last feel challenged? Help understanding of what challenge looks like to them and how frequently it occurs

When will you know that your job is becoming more satisfying again?

To increase sensitivity to the signs of change

When are you going to start working on redefining your priorities in line with our discussion?

To test out their commitment

When is your deadline for knowing whether your job can be made more workable?

To provide an outcome focus so that the issue does not drift

4. Where questions Question Purpose

Where does the workload feel most manageable?

To identify what is not a problem

Where would it be easiest for you to begin prioritising?

What can be started on most easily

Where can you find some time to stand back and start making some decisions?

To find some space from which they can begin to identify what can be different

Where will you let go of work most easily? To find what is not going to be difficult

Where is it written that you have to do everything?

To find what they are doing that they have no need or responsibility to be doing

Where is the greatest return on your effort? To establish what it is most worthwhile their giving time to

Where do you want to direct your efforts if you can make progress on prioritising?

To find a motivator for doing things differently

Where will it be visibly different if you manage your priorities better?

To understand how they and others will know what things have changed


Exercise: Coaching practice

• Join up with two other colleagues. Person A is coachee, person B is coach and person C is observer.

• Person A shares their real-life issue with person B. Person B’s job, as coach, is to ask person A what they want out of this session, to listen and to ask powerful open questions that help person A move forward towards their outcome. Try to keep the questions short and concise.

• Person C’s job is to observe the coaching interaction – see next page.

• The coaching practice will last 10 minutes.

• Then take 5 minutes for feedback. NB Focus on the coaching process rather than the content of the coaching session!

First the coach gives feedback to themselves:

o What did I do well?

o What would I do differently next time?

The coachee then gives feedback to the coach:

o What worked in the coaching process?

o Suggestions for change in the coaching process?

The observer then gives feedback according to what they have noticed and recorded (see next page).

• Rotate roles and restart the coaching practice until each of you has played all three roles.


Coaching practice: Log for observer

• Notice the rapport between coach and coachee throughout this session.

• Notice if the coach’s questions are open or closed.

• Note down examples of powerful questions asked by the coach that appeared to help Person A move forward.


GIVING FEEDBACK IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS

Before giving feedback, it is helpful to reflect on how you think and feel about difficult situations and how this might affect what you say and do. What are your feelings and assumptions? Assumptions that can help you when giving feedback (and indeed all conversations) are those of the Mutual Learning Model developed by Roger Schwarz and colleagues21. (These derive from research on learning by Argyris and Schon.) The core assumptions are: � I have some information, others have other information � Each of us may see things the others do not � Differences are opportunities for learning � People are trying to act with integrity given their situations If you give feedback with thoughts of learning in mind (rather than assuming you’ve got it right!), you become genuinely curious and interested in what the other person has to tell you. Here are some tips for how to approach giving feedback in difficult situations: 1. Be transparent with the person about the strategy for the conversation (be

specific, acknowledge how you feel, show that you are interested in knowing if s/he sees the situation differently and that you’re interested in learning, ask if they are willing to talk to you about this).

2. Suggest a process for offering the feedback (to describe how you see it, share

reactions, acknowledge you may see it differently). The benefits of this approach are22: � It reduces defensiveness (yours and others) � It significantly increases learning: you both get the specific, candid feedback you

want, and can make specific, powerful changes if you wish � Because you are being genuinely curious, and saying what you’re thinking,

there’s an important additional side-effect of all this: increased trust and higher quality relationships.

How do you see it?

21

Schwarz, Roger et al. (2005) The Skilled Facilitator Fieldbook. Tips, Tools and Tested Methods for Consultants, Facilitators, Managers, Trainers and Coaches. Jossey Bass 22

Fundamental Change vol 1, number 5 15th August 2005. www.schwarzassociates.com


Final reflections

Exercise: Where do we go from here? 1. What is the potential for coaching in your organisation? Is coaching already being used?

2. What would need to happen for coaching to be taken further in your organisation?

3. What’s your sense of the potential for coaching in the sector more widely?

4. What are you taking away with you from today?

5. What might you do differently as a result of this workshop?


SELECT BIBLIOGRAPHY

Downey, Myles (new edition 2001) Effective Coaching. Texere Gallwey, Timothey (1975, 1986) The Inner Game of Tennis. Pan Books Kline, Nancy (2001) Time To Think. Listening to Ignite the Human Mind. Ward Lock McDermott, Ian and Jago, Wendy (2001) The NLP Coach, A Comprehensive Guide to Personal Well-Being and Professional Success. Piatkus Pemberton, Carole (2006) Coaching to Solutions. A Manager’s Toolkit for Performance Delivery. Elsevier / BH Rogers, J. (2004) Coaching Skills. A Handbook. Open University Press Schwarz, Roger et al. (2005) The Skilled Facilitator Fieldbook. Tips, Tools and Tested Methods for Consultants, Facilitators, Managers, Trainers and Coaches. Jossey Bass Whitmore, John (new edition 2001) Coaching For Performance. The New Edition of the Practical Guide. Nicholas Brealey Publishing Whitworth, Laura et al (1998) Co-Active Coaching. New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. Davies Black Publishing Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne (2000) The Complete Guide to Coaching at Work. McGraw Hill.

Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne (2002) The Coaching at Work Toolkit. A Complete Guide to Techniques and Practices. McGraw Hill

A SELECTION OF WEBSITES

Professional bodies associated with coaching International Coach Federation Chartered Institute of Personal and Development (also provides training) The Association for Coaching

http://www.coachfederation.org/ICF/ http://www.cipd.co.uk/subjects/lrnanddev/coachmntor http://www.associationforcoaching.com/home/index.htm


Organisations providing coaching training Coaching Development The School of Coaching (partner with the Work Foundation) The Academy of Executive Coaching The Oxford Total Learning Group and Oxford School of Coaching and Mentoring Performance Consultants The Coaches Training Institute International Teaching Seminars (ITS)

http://www.coachingdevelopment.com http://www.theschoolofcoaching.com/index.html http://www.academyofexecutivecoaching.com http://www.oscm.co.uk/index.html http://www.performanceconsultants.co.uk/pcl/pclweb.nsf/CoachTraining/index.html http://www.coaching-courses.com/index.phtml http://www.itsnlp.com/coaching.htm

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